I’m writing with so much pain in my heart because my only child is giving me lots of trouble. She is 14. Ever since I had her, I cannot conceive again. My husband and I went trough lots of tests we are all okay and perfect so we had to accept that God wanted us to have one daughter for now and we are still believing God for more children. Where do I start we are Nigerian leaving outside of Nigeria (African country) for the past 8 years we also took along my husband niece who is now 17.

My daughter was a very nice and obedient child working hard at school and has always been making us proud but everything changed when she turned 11 years. She started getting in trouble at school, my husband and I are always called for meeting about her not working well and fighting with her classmates and she gets punished almost everyday. We as parents had heart to heart talk. She had made clear that she doesn’t like school and want us to enrolled her at music and dance school. She was only 12. Me and her dad were against it. we had convinced how important education and all we want is the best for her to finish school to have a better job and she can do her music and dance too later.

She was okay and we kept encouraging her and praying for her, things started to get a little bit better even school complained become less. Three week ago I usually leave the house at 6am for work, hubby leaves before me and the kids were still at home getting ready for school and around 11am I received a called from the police asking if I’m mrs o and chi mum I said yes I started panicking because I thought maybe she had an accident or something, the police officer asked me to come at the station.

I rushed there and what I heard broke my heart in pieces. He explained to me that my daughter and niece and other girls were caught at a hotel with boys smoking, drinking and having sex. Actually somebody called the police because they had noticed that under age children entered the hotel which is an offence so when the police came, they had arrested all of them and took them to the station requesting them to give parents details and that’s how they contacted me .

I was ashamed and couldn’t controlled my tears. I wept bitterly because when I thought my two girls are angel in fact they were doing the unthinkable. I bailed both of them and I just hated them I didn’t even talked to them to avoid beating them badly, but later when hubby came I didn’t hide anything from him. He was so angry that he flogged them mercilessly, I felt bad for them but they both deserved it. We took their phones away, tablets and TV in their room and they are banned from going outside apart from school and when they both get back from school they will eat and go and spend the rest of their day in their bedroom until nighttime.

My husband blamed me for everything saying it’s all my fault those girls are becoming bad. The truth is he is the one that has been spoiling them with expensive phones , tablets and designer clothings and pocket money. I was against him pampering them so much because I knew it will come to this but he has always told me he works hard for his children to have better things and now they had become bad, he has put all the blames on me forgetting that it’s all his faults.

We are not in talking terms for three weeks and he is not eating my foods anymore. The whole things just gives me headaches and sleepless night, it’s almost 3am I can’t sleep my head wants to explode with too much thinking.

Sounds like your 17 year old niece has led your daughter astray. If I were you, I'd send her back home to start with, then me and hubby have to sit down and be honest about how we both produced this or lie and rue the consequences of our errors.

Sorry for your pains ma

I never turned bad but I can partially relate, I was in science class back in secondary but I lost passion for science and wanted to switch to arts, my counselor never allowed me, she said I wanted to ruin my life and I should work harder blablabla, got me sad and down that I lost interest in school, other things contributed to me losing interest e.g I got bullied a lot, started skipping school, wrote waec and passed, woulda graduated already but I've never really understood calculations, and botanical names, in essence, I'm a sucker for science, still struggling in school now, applied for transfer to another department already, I might drop out if its unapproved... All these woulda been avoided if I was allowed to switch..


Please ma, talk to her like a friend and a sister, motivate her to finish up with her studies and promise to let her study music in the university, you can also enroll her for music/ dance classes before then, let her go for what she has passion for, it's not too late ma.

Every parents greatest nightmare. I still find it difficult blaming parents for the behaviour of their wayward kids. We have seen kids from very good home become bad and kids from very dysfunctional homes become good.

Giving them gadgets doesn't translate to spoiling them per say. Sometimes you also want your kids exposed and to have access to stuff.

I advise you keep talking and praying. Also lead by example. Always counsel, be a listening ear and be a friend.

However, pikin wey wan spoil go still spoil, hopefully all you taught them will likely be at the back of their mind and lead them back to the right path. Some kids can resist peer pressure and some cannot. We have seen cultists become pastors and pastors kids become cultists.

Be hopeful.

Gaggi:
Every parents greatest nightmare. I still find it difficult blaming parents for the behaviour of their wayward kids. We have seen kids from very good home become bad and kids from very dysfunctional homes become good.

Giving them gadgets doesn't translate to spoiling them per say. Sometimes you also want your kids exposed and to have access to stuff.

I advise you keep talking and praying. Also lead by example. Always counsel, be a listening ear and be a friend.

However, pikin wey wan spoil go still spoil, hopefully all you taught them will likely be at the back of their mind and lead them back to the right path. Some kids can resist peer pressure and some cannot. We have seen cultists become pastors and pastors kids become cultists.

Be hopeful.

Well said

Queenellahrose:
I’m writing with so much pain in my heart because my only child is giving me lots of trouble , she is 14 ever since I had her I cannot conceived again , My husband and I went trough lots of tests we are all okay and perfect so we had to accept that God wanted us to have one one daughter for now and we are still believing God for more children. Where do I start we are nigerian leaving outside of Nigeria ( African country) for the past 8 years we also took along my husband niece who is now 17.

My daughter was a very nice and obedient child working hard at school and has always been making us proud but everything changed when she turns 11yrs she started getting in trouble at school my husband and I are always called for meeting about her not working well and fighting with her classmates and she get punished almost everyday we as parents had heart to heart talk she had made clear that she doesn’t like school and want us to enrolled her at music and dance school , she was only 12 me and her dad were against we had convinced how important education and all we want is the best for her to finish school to have a better job and she can do her music and dance too later.

She was okay and we kept encouraging her and praying for her, things started to get a little bit better even school complained become less . Three week ago I usually leave the house at 6am for work ,hubby leaves before me and the kids were still at home getting ready for school and around 11am I received a called from the police asking if I’m mrs o and chi mum I said yes I started panicking because I taught maybe she had an accident or something, the police officer asked me to come at the station.

I rushed there and what I heard broke my heart in pieces , he explained to me that my daughter and niece and other girls were caught at a hotel with boys smoking , drinking and having sex actually somebody called the police because they had noticed that under age children entered the hotel which it’s a offence so when they police came they had arrested all of them and took them to the station requesting them to give parents details and that’s how they contacted me .

I was ashamed and couldn’t controlled my tears I wept bitterly because when I taught my two girls are angel in fact they were doing the unthinkable , I bailed both of them and I just hated them I didn’t even talked to them to avoid beating them badly , but later when hubby came I didn’t hide anything from him , he was so angry that he flogged them mercilessly , I felt bad for them but the both deserved it , we took their phones away , tablets and tv in their room and they are banned from going outside apart from school and when they both get back from school , they will eat and go and spend the rest of their day in their bedroom until nighttime.

My husband blamed me for everything saying it’s all my fault those girls are becoming bad , the truth is he is the one that has been spoiling them with expensive phones , tablets and designer clothings and pocket money , I was against him pampering them so much because I knew it will become to this but he has always told me he work hard for his children to have better things and now they had become bad , he has put all the blames on me forgetting that it’s all his faults. We are not in talking terms for three weeks and he is not eating my foods anymore. The whole things just give me headaches and sleepless night, it’s almost 3am I can’t sleep my head want to explode with too much thinking

Pls take charge of your emotions before you go berserk

Your daughter and husband will live their life while you will be depressed for their attitude of not wanting to understand your position

Sit both if them down and talk to them

Juvenile in children is intoxicating to them

They are at their pick for now and all they want is exploring

Pls keep your cool and interrogate them in separate period

Don't be supprise it may be your daughter that lured her to what they are doing

Keep counselling them until you achieve your desired result

As for hubby, wake him up at midnight and resolve your differences, don't accept full responsibility but be firm and accomodating in this sensitive issue

Don't cry over it, once they see you cry, you will keep crying because they don't know what you are going through searching for another pregnancy and handling your daughter whom is getting herself exposed

Assuming she is in her early teens, I will say send her home to a family tgat can handle her but if you do that now, that's the end, you will lose your grip

Tell her the dangers in engaging in sex because of hiv

If she really wants to do music, she has to combine it with university education so that she will still be educated and still go into music

Ur daughter is in her formative period, please find ways of spending more time with her. Since ur daughter loves music, maybe you sud av an arrangement with her whereby she goes for music classes after school like twice in a week. Use music as an incentive for doing well in school.

God take control

It's always sad reading things like this. No parent want this for their kids.

Forgive me OP, but I think you and hubby should share the blame on this. You both clearly haven't dedicated enough time towards parenting those kids.

You see, "enough time" in the above context is relative. Kids generally, can be classified into two: the regular ones who would still be well-behaved even if their parents spend less time at home or with them, and then the special ones who require a more pragmatic parenting approach.


Your kids fall into the later category. They are very special and thus, require an equally special parenting, in order to enable them use the potential they've got positively.

As a remedial at this stage, I will strongly advise against going "tough" on them. I can assure you this would only exacerbate the situation. Rather, try meeting them halfway. The one that wanted music, is it not going to be wise to give it a serious thought? How is her progress in school?

Oh, and please, for the sake of your sanity and home, try and make peace with your husband. Remember you both want the same thing -- the best for the girls. Forgive him for blaming you too much. I'm sure, like you, he did so out of frustration.


Above all, do not concede that those girls are beyond redemption. Okay, they may have lost their way a little bit, but I can assure you, just like other kids, they can fulfill their potentials, too

Tomjazzy2:
It's always sad reading things like this. No parent want this for their kids.

Forgive me OP, but I think you and hubby should share the blame on this. You both clearly haven't dedicated enough time towards parenting these kids.

You see, "enough time" in the above context is relative. Kids generally, can be classified into two: the regular ones who would still be well-behaved even if their parents spend less time at home or with them, and then the special ones who require a more pragmatic parenting approach.


Your kids fall into the later category. They are very special and thus, require an equally special parenting, in order to enable them use the potential they've got positively.

As a remedial at this stage, I will strongly advise against going "tough" on them. I can assure you this would only exacerbate the situation. Rather, try meeting them halfway. The one that wanted music, is it not going to be wise to give it a serious thought? How is her progress in school?

Oh, and please, for the sake of your sanity and home, try and make peace with your husband. Remember you both want the same thing -- the best for the girls. Forgive him for blaming you too much. I'm sure, like you, he did so out of frustration.


Above all, do not concede that those girls are beyond redemption. Okay, they may have lost their way a little bit, but I can assure you, just like other kids, they can fulfill their potentials, too

thumbs up...

Queenellahrose:
I’m writing with so much pain in my heart because my only child is giving me lots of trouble , she is 14 ever since I had her I cannot conceived again , My husband and I went trough lots of tests we are all okay and perfect so we had to accept that God wanted us to have one one daughter for now and we are still believing God for more children. Where do I start we are nigerian leaving outside of Nigeria ( African country) for the past 8 years we also took along my husband niece who is now 17.

My daughter was a very nice and obedient child working hard at school and has always been making us proud but everything changed when she turns 11yrs she started getting in trouble at school my husband and I are always called for meeting about her not working well and fighting with her classmates and she get punished almost everyday we as parents had heart to heart talk she had made clear that she doesn’t like school and want us to enrolled her at music and dance school , she was only 12 me and her dad were against we had convinced how important education and all we want is the best for her to finish school to have a better job and she can do her music and dance too later.

She was okay and we kept encouraging her and praying for her, things started to get a little bit better even school complained become less . Three week ago I usually leave the house at 6am for work ,hubby leaves before me and the kids were still at home getting ready for school and around 11am I received a called from the police asking if I’m mrs o and chi mum I said yes I started panicking because I taught maybe she had an accident or something, the police officer asked me to come at the station.

I rushed there and what I heard broke my heart in pieces , he explained to me that my daughter and niece and other girls were caught at a hotel with boys smoking , drinking and having sex actually somebody called the police because they had noticed that under age children entered the hotel which it’s a offence so when they police came they had arrested all of them and took them to the station requesting them to give parents details and that’s how they contacted me .

I was ashamed and couldn’t controlled my tears I wept bitterly because when I taught my two girls are angel in fact they were doing the unthinkable , I bailed both of them and I just hated them I didn’t even talked to them to avoid beating them badly , but later when hubby came I didn’t hide anything from him , he was so angry that he flogged them mercilessly , I felt bad for them but the both deserved it , we took their phones away , tablets and tv in their room and they are banned from going outside apart from school and when they both get back from school , they will eat and go and spend the rest of their day in their bedroom until nighttime.

My husband blamed me for everything saying it’s all my fault those girls are becoming bad , the truth is he is the one that has been spoiling them with expensive phones , tablets and designer clothings and pocket money , I was against him pampering them so much because I knew it will become to this but he has always told me he work hard for his children to have better things and now they had become bad , he has put all the blames on me forgetting that it’s all his faults. We are not in talking terms for three weeks and he is not eating my foods anymore. The whole things just give me headaches and sleepless night, it’s almost 3am I can’t sleep my head want to explode with too much thinking

I am honestly wondering why you and your husband are fighting when you both should come together to salvage the situation.

You said your daughter changed at 11. What changed her? What spiked up her interest in music?

You both should engage the girls better to understand why they chose that lifestyle and how.

The how, you block it (change school, take their gadgets etc.)

The why, you train them on why they should make better choices.

Goodluck.

Gaggi:
Every parents greatest nightmare. I still find it difficult blaming parents for the behaviour of their wayward kids. We have seen kids from very good home become bad and kids from very dysfunctional homes become good.

Giving them gadgets doesn't translate to spoiling them per say. Sometimes you also want your kids exposed and to have access to stuff.

I advise you keep talking and praying. Also lead by example. Always counsel, be a listening ear and be a friend.

However, pikin wey wan spoil go still spoil, hopefully all you taught them will likely be at the back of their mind and lead them back to the right path. Some kids can resist peer pressure and some cannot. We have seen cultists become pastors and pastors kids become cultists.

Be hopeful.

this is a good advice and I will urge u and ur husband to take it meanwhile, Wwhy not try this supplement that is doing wonders it called stc30 for the infertility u can contact me on the number below .

I must have time for my daughters o...

I think you should change her environment.....don't forget to always remember her in your prayer

budaatum:
Sounds like your 17 year old niece has led your daughter astray. If I were you, I'd send her back home to start with, then me and hubby have to sit down and be honest about how we both produced this or lie and rue the consequences of our errors.

You don't know what you don't know.

budaatum:
Sounds like your 17 year old niece has led your daughter astray. If I were you, I'd send her back home to start with, then me and hubby have to sit down and be honest about how we both produced this or lie and rue the consequences of our errors.

Did she say the niece did? You're totally wrong.

With children growing up, we can't really predict how they will turn out. It's just for us to keep doing our best with what we imbibe into them and keep praying that they turn out well.

Get close to her and try to understand her. Aside being a disciplinarian, be a confidant and mentor.

crackkhaus:
You don't know what you don't know.

Collins4u1:
Did she say the niece did? You're totally wrong.

I don't think its remiss of me to think her 14 year old daughter did not lead the 17 year old niece to "a hotel with boys smoking, drinking and having sex", but of course I don't know and may be wrong since I was not there with them.

Queenellahrose:

he explained to me that my daughter and niece and other girls were caught at a hotel with boys smoking , drinking and having sex

They may both have been led there by the "other girls", and perhaps I wrongly expect the older 17 year old niece to be more responsible.

Oh my world!
Not again

Sorry madam. Try to be their friend and preach Christ Jesus to them
The world is going crazy daily

The man is at fault but not you, right?

You have both failed in your duties as a parent, take it or leave it.

Buying them expensive things is not responsible for this.

Bejusttoall:
Sorry madam. Try to be their friend and preach Christ Jesus to them
The world is going crazy daily

does this work?
if yes, why do we still have other religions?

Inyayiz:
Sorry for your pains ma

I never turned bad but I can partially relate, I was in science class back in secondary but I lost passion for science and wanted to switch to arts, my counselor never allowed me, she said I wanted to ruin my life and I should work harder blablabla, got me sad and down that I lost interest in school, other things contributed to me losing interest e.g I got bullied a lot, started skipping school, wrote waec and passed, woulda graduated already but I've never really understood calculations, and botanical names, in essence, I'm a sucker for science, still struggling in school now, applied for transfer to another department already, I might drop out if its unapproved... All these woulda been avoided if I was allowed to switch..


Please ma, talk to her like a friend and a sister, motivate her to finish up with her studies and promise to let her study music in the university, you can also enroll her for music/ dance classes before then, let her go for what she has passion for, it's not too late ma.

Great advice! You're going to be a great parent!

budaatum:

I don't think its remiss of me to think her 14 year old daughter did not lead the 17 year old niece to "a hotel with boys smoking, drinking and having sex", but of course I don't know and may be wrong since I was not there with them.


They may both have been led there by the "other girls", and perhaps I wrongly expect the older 17 year old niece to be more responsible.

Personally, I don't think there's a difference between the decision-making abilities of a 17yr old in comparison to a 14yr old...especially when it involves boys.

crackkhaus:

Personally, I don't think there's a difference between the decision-making abilities of a 17yr old in comparison to a 14yr old...especially when it involves boys.

Its an opinion, which many obviously do not share, especially going by laws in many countries that deem under 16s can't legally consent to sex.

Queenellahrose:
when they both get back from school , they will eat and go and spend the rest of their day in their bedroom until nighttime.

They will become lesbians with this.

budaatum:

Its an opinion, which many obviously do not share, especially going by laws in many countries that deem under 16s can't legally consent to sex.

And in those same countries, the same 16yr olds that are old enough to make a decision to have sex, are for some reason not old enough to make decisions to take alcohol.

Now there's an irony worthy of a Golden Globe.

God please help me get it right when I'm training my children

crackkhaus:

And in those same countries, the same 16yr olds that are old enough to make a decision to have sex, are for some reason not old enough to make decisions to take alcohol.

Now there's an irony worthy of a Golden Globe.

Most countries that limit sexual responsibility to 16 also limit alcohol purchasing to 16. Some, USA for instance, even have a higher age restriction on alcohol than sex.

I just pray the Lord gives me the strength to handle all these when the time comes.

Some influence can really be damaging to a kids life.