ITbomb:
[b][/b]
That's the thinking that gets some families in crisis

Your hard work made you what you are today and you turn around to deny your children the lessons of life

Somethings are not by choice. I know of a man that spends time with his kids, he doesn't have money. The daughter was asking a guy to buy her phone the other day.

This life is not by power.

budaatum:
Sounds like your 17 year old niece has led your daughter astray. If I were you, I'd send her back home to start with, then me and hubby have to sit down and be honest about how we both produced this or lie and rue the consequences of our errors.

You sound like a typical Nigerian Parent,blame another person's kid but your own for their actions..

phone at 14?

Inyayiz:
Sorry for your pains ma

I never turned bad but I can partially relate, I was in science class back in secondary but I lost passion for science and wanted to switch to arts, my counselor never allowed me, she said I wanted to ruin my life and I should work harder blablabla, got me sad and down that I lost interest in school, other things contributed to me losing interest e.g I got bullied a lot, started skipping school, wrote waec and passed, woulda graduated already but I've never really understood calculations, and botanical names, in essence, I'm a sucker for science, still struggling in school now, applied for transfer to another department already, I might drop out if its unapproved... All these woulda been avoided if I was allowed to switch..


Please ma, talk to her like a friend and a sister, motivate her to finish up with her studies and promise to let her study music in the university, you can also enroll her for music/ dance classes before then, let her go for what she has passion for, it's not too late ma.

I had a passion for commercial but they said science is the future.

Truly painful.
Teenagers.. Always feel they know better . they go into anything head first. If the are lucky they realize their mistake quickly and escape else they and their parents live with the nightmare.. rape, drugs addiction even death.

The worst advice is to allow them express themselves . its like playing the Russian roulette. My advice is ...

1. Never give them full freedom always engage them with activities house chores, music classes etc
2. Their lives should not be determined by friends.. Control their friends ..limit contact. Teach them to have a say among their friends and not be followers. Some teenagers are so desperate for attention they are ready to follow anyone ..anything
3. Sanction what they watch let them know the dangers of premarital sex, public or publicized nudity, poor dress code, alcohol, drug abuse even from an early age. If you don't teach them their friends will.
4. If you can't control them use other sources if possible ..boarding school.
5. Give them task/ responsibilities increase it as the improve. Remember to reward or punish when necessary.
6. Teenagers are not your friends they are your responsibility they should respect you . meaning you should maintain a respectable attitude in their presence. Don't do one thing and expect the other from them.
7. Teach moderation.
Lastly I can't deny the fact that you need to continually pray for them cause you are not the only one trying to mould their lives.

At 18+ they can do what they want hopefully by then they will have some form of self-control.

Someone (i guess a mod) has been opening new accounts to post all these stories. Same writing style

Queenellahrose:
I’m writing with so much pain in my heart because my only child is giving me lots of trouble. She is 14. Ever since I had her, I cannot conceive again. My husband and I went trough lots of tests we are all okay and perfect so we had to accept that God wanted us to have one daughter for now and we are still believing God for more children. Where do I start we are Nigerian leaving outside of Nigeria (African country) for the past 8 years we also took along my husband niece who is now 17.

My daughter was a very nice and obedient child working hard at school and has always been making us proud but everything changed when she turned 11 years. She started getting in trouble at school, my husband and I are always called for meeting about her not working well and fighting with her classmates and she gets punished almost everyday. We as parents had heart to heart talk. She had made clear that she doesn’t like school and want us to enrolled her at music and dance school. She was only 12. Me and her dad were against it. we had convinced how important education and all we want is the best for her to finish school to have a better job and she can do her music and dance too later.

She was okay and we kept encouraging her and praying for her, things started to get a little bit better even school complained become less. Three week ago I usually leave the house at 6am for work, hubby leaves before me and the kids were still at home getting ready for school and around 11am I received a called from the police asking if I’m mrs o and chi mum I said yes I started panicking because I thought maybe she had an accident or something, the police officer asked me to come at the station.

I rushed there and what I heard broke my heart in pieces. He explained to me that my daughter and niece and other girls were caught at a hotel with boys smoking, drinking and having sex. Actually somebody called the police because they had noticed that under age children entered the hotel which is an offence so when the police came, they had arrested all of them and took them to the station requesting them to give parents details and that’s how they contacted me .

I was ashamed and couldn’t controlled my tears. I wept bitterly because when I thought my two girls are angel in fact they were doing the unthinkable. I bailed both of them and I just hated them I didn’t even talked to them to avoid beating them badly, but later when hubby came I didn’t hide anything from him. He was so angry that he flogged them mercilessly, I felt bad for them but they both deserved it. We took their phones away, tablets and TV in their room and they are banned from going outside apart from school and when they both get back from school they will eat and go and spend the rest of their day in their bedroom until nighttime.

My husband blamed me for everything saying it’s all my fault those girls are becoming bad. The truth is he is the one that has been spoiling them with expensive phones , tablets and designer clothings and pocket money. I was against him pampering them so much because I knew it will come to this but he has always told me he works hard for his children to have better things and now they had become bad, he has put all the blames on me forgetting that it’s all his faults.

We are not in talking terms for three weeks and he is not eating my foods anymore. The whole things just gives me headaches and sleepless night, it’s almost 3am I can’t sleep my head wants to explode with too much thinking.

Conduct a psychologist for therapy. May just case of ODD or conduct disorder. She will likely outgrow it but you and your husband need to be there for her. You need to iron her out with support from the psychologist.

budaatum:
Sounds like your 17 year old niece has led your daughter astray. If I were you, I'd send her back home to start with, then me and hubby have to sit down and be honest about how we both produced this or lie and rue the consequences of our errors.

how can u just conclude the 17 year old caused oga o mr or Mrs judge don't listen to this person

Kenya n dia teenagers soso sex nai Dey dia head

before your daughter will listen to you, that your niece must leave your house


secondly take her for counselling


thirdly register her in that music school, she will go for music tutorial after school. yes she can do it together

there is psychology implication against your decision for her not to do music, her mind is disengage coupled with she need something to keep her mind busy. that mind is polluted with social media engagement, friend influence and some psychic inference


niece must go, get her a counsellor, let her do music and she will be alright


check my SIG pls

budaatum:
Sounds like your 17 year old niece has led your daughter astray. If I were you, I'd send her back home to start with, then me and hubby have to sit down and be honest about how we both produced this or lie and rue the consequences of our errors.

how would you say that ? it might even be that daughter that has bad influence on the 17yrs old niece.

When I was in primary/secondary school I witnessed so many things, much crazier than this sef...

My classmates were always having sex/orgy at the back of the class and they were never caught, maybe i should say we not them

Sadly it turned out this way but it can still be corrected, you and your husband left her to grow told wild and this is the outcome

This is why it is very important to spend time with your kids. But nowadays, parents can hardly squeeze out time with their children. They just hustle hard and provide them with the best material things that can not equate for physical presence

Draw her close to God , you can even enroll her to the church music class to start with.
You and your partner bearly have time for them . Leave by 6am and comes back to God knows when.
Both of you failed as parents otherwise you would have notice all this through their behavior before the public.Locking them up will never solve the problem instead if t will worsen it . Ensure her that you will enroll her in the music class as long as she remains obedient but then she will learn to manage going to school and combing her music class, with this she will stay busy , she will bearly have time for those reckless life style.

DarkJeddi:
You sound like a typical Nigerian Parent,blame everyone else but your child for their actions..

I wish you were right. But Nigerians hardly ever blame the parents for their child's actions. That's why we beat the hell out of the child instead of the parent.

Houseofglam7:
Oh my world! Not again

seems you're a good gurl

zeeken:
how would you say that ? it might even be that daughter that has bad influence on the 17yrs old niece.

Yes, it could be. Though, the other way round, is more likely.

Inyayiz:
Sorry for your pains ma

I never turned bad but I can partially relate, I was in science class back in secondary but I lost passion for science and wanted to switch to arts, my counselor never allowed me, she said I wanted to ruin my life and I should work harder blablabla, got me sad and down that I lost interest in school, other things contributed to me losing interest e.g I got bullied a lot, started skipping school, wrote waec and passed, woulda graduated already but I've never really understood calculations, and botanical names, in essence, I'm a sucker for science, still struggling in school now, applied for transfer to another department already, I might drop out if its unapproved... All these woulda been avoided if I was allowed to switch..


Please ma, talk to her like a friend and a sister, motivate her to finish up with her studies and promise to let her study music in the university, you can also enroll her for music/ dance classes before then, let her go for what she has passion for, it's not too late ma.

along with this they should be brought colder to God added with some new parenting style

D number of fictional writers on this forum is increasing by d day

You , you have sense very well , i see a lot of clowns saying God take control, Jesus is Lord, cousin is the influence

The truth is as follows

First of all, both parents neglected their children, they rarely spend time together as a family , it's all work , work work

Secondly , non of the parents are accepting their faults as is, Husband is blaming wife, Wife is saying husband spoiled kids with expensive gifts , shows you the kind of home they have

Thirdly en , that kid may have just become a teenager , there's still time to salvage before she goes into the world completely

She has tasted it , and she can't be stopped, she can only be managed, one or both of the parents need to start spending time with the kids asap

kunlesmiles:
Ur daughter is in her formative period, please find ways of spending more time with her. Since ur daughter loves music, maybe you sud av an arrangement with her whereby she goes for music classes after school like twice in a week. Use music as an incentive for doing well in school.

Queenellahrose:
I’m writing with so much pain in

So sad this is the curve ball life threw at you now.

It's not anything you or your hubby did or didn't do. The world has become a very difficult place to raise a child/teen compared to the time our parents raised us.

The world is even a more difficult for them to grow up. The struggles are real, and different from the type we experienced.

If they were guys, you'd probably be dealing with gang issues.

I told my 10 year old today, I am not his friend, but his father. It is not my responsibility to make him happy all the time, because i have a job to make sure he is mannered, successful and turns out to be a great adult.

We discussed moving things around a bit. Introduced some limits, reduced some others. Gave him and his 7year old brother daily and weekly ToDoLists which determines their access to those limits.
Friends, sleepover, screen times, internet access, school work/assignment deadlines, house chores, personal projects etc

You need to be patient with them. They are girls. You need to be firm with them. They are girls. You need to love them and let your hubby be the bad cop enforcing the rules.

If you both play bad cop, they will just shut you out 100% and you wouldn't even be able to clean up after them.

Imagine if she had called an older friend/lover/love-vendor... You wouldn't even know you have this type of issue to deal with.

Return the devices and all, just pray as you try to do the above with your hubby.

PS. Tell him he's the man of the house and when the shit hits the fan, he has to man up. No blaming you. He should step forward

Marlians marlians marlians!!!

That seemingly innocent chant is doing serious damage in the lives of our yourhs today.

What foundation are you building for your children? Irrespective of the age, its essential you monitor what your wards are exposed to, what company they keep and even what they do with their spare time.

King44:
how can u just conclude the 17 year old caused oga o mr or Mrs judge don't listen to this person

Sounds like! I do not have sufficient data to conclude anything. Op did say father had a role to play in spoiling them both, which I also addressed.

The only question I will ask you is "was she the only one with you and your husband when your daughter was doing well in school and at home?" if NO, then that your NIECE needs to be repatriated if you don't want to lose your husband to the hands of the strange women who are desperately looking for where to hide their shame Isaiah 4 vs 1 or you don't want to be sent back to your parents because I can see you had a happy home before she came and ever since she has been with you things have not be the same for good again. And finally, please be prayerful because it might be devil operating. May God help you to to do the needful before it's too late

Watch and pray...

Have a mum and daughters, yes including the other girl time.. You must be available or they'll look for 'love' outside...

Read a lot on parenting teenage girls.. They are exposed already, admit that. Let the shock go,

they have boyfriends now, talk to them as a mother..

Its important to get back with your husband.. He must be devastated too and lashing out at you.. Please try and step back in your mind to see how to approach issues delicately so you don't completely lose everyone and everything.

A difficult phase your family is now. But I pray God will see you through and your girls will turn out well. It is well sis

Happyguy201:
phone at 14?

Ideal Legal age is 13!

am so sorry madam,but to be honest you need to bring that child back home to see how hard life is here In Nigeria ,so she can sit up,as for me I lost my dad when I was 1,lost my mum when I was 9,both left me without a siblings. I had to struggle, feed my self both today I am a graduate.most times I settle dispute for my friends and thier parents. here in Nigeria,its different,you need to let her see how hard it is so she can appreciate the efforts you and dad are giving her,wake her up at night talk to her,tell her how disappointed you feel,lastly put her in prayers. make her a worker in church it helps also

Queenellahrose:
I’m writing with so much pain in my heart because my only child is giving me lots of trouble. She is 14. Ever since I had her, I cannot conceive again. My husband and I went trough lots of tests we are all okay and perfect so we had to accept that God wanted us to have one daughter for now and we are still believing God for more children. Where do I start we are Nigerian leaving outside of Nigeria (African country) for the past 8 years we also took along my husband niece who is now 17.

My daughter was a very nice and obedient child working hard at school and has always been making us proud but everything changed when she turned 11 years. She started getting in trouble at school, my husband and I are always called for meeting about her not working well and fighting with her classmates and she gets punished almost everyday. We as parents had heart to heart talk. She had made clear that she doesn’t like school and want us to enrolled her at music and dance school. She was only 12. Me and her dad were against it. we had convinced how important education and all we want is the best for her to finish school to have a better job and she can do her music and dance too later.

She was okay and we kept encouraging her and praying for her, things started to get a little bit better even school complained become less. Three week ago I usually leave the house at 6am for work, hubby leaves before me and the kids were still at home getting ready for school and around 11am I received a called from the police asking if I’m mrs o and chi mum I said yes I started panicking because I thought maybe she had an accident or something, the police officer asked me to come at the station.

I rushed there and what I heard broke my heart in pieces. He explained to me that my daughter and niece and other girls were caught at a hotel with boys smoking, drinking and having sex. Actually somebody called the police because they had noticed that under age children entered the hotel which is an offence so when the police came, they had arrested all of them and took them to the station requesting them to give parents details and that’s how they contacted me .

I was ashamed and couldn’t controlled my tears. I wept bitterly because when I thought my two girls are angel in fact they were doing the unthinkable. I bailed both of them and I just hated them I didn’t even talked to them to avoid beating them badly, but later when hubby came I didn’t hide anything from him. He was so angry that he flogged them mercilessly, I felt bad for them but they both deserved it. We took their phones away, tablets and TV in their room and they are banned from going outside apart from school and when they both get back from school they will eat and go and spend the rest of their day in their bedroom until nighttime.

My husband blamed me for everything saying it’s all my fault those girls are becoming bad. The truth is he is the one that has been spoiling them with expensive phones , tablets and designer clothings and pocket money. I was against him pampering them so much because I knew it will come to this but he has always told me he works hard for his children to have better things and now they had become bad, he has put all the blames on me forgetting that it’s all his faults.

We are not in talking terms for three weeks and he is not eating my foods anymore. The whole things just gives me headaches and sleepless night, it’s almost 3am I can’t sleep my head wants to explode with too much thinking.

Take a moment to read this suicide note

http://news-af.op-mobile.opera.com/news/detail/a9efddced825306bb514767a10ed9834_za?from=share&pct=33.42&client=news

[quote author=NwanyiOkpa post=86100209]

Phone or no phone. Who will spoil will spoil. [/quote.] well, u might be right but if your family brings you up properly u will never do nonsense weather they are there or not. i use myself for example, i was exposed to the worst kind of people but i still got scared of doing shit because of my upbringing. even till now i cant just do rubbish that will bring shame to my family. there are too many things guys of my age where exposed to that i wasn't because of my family. giving a kid phone only accelerates the rate at which he or she will get spoiled. these girls must have been watching porn and orgies on phone and decided t give it a try. those guys wont involved them if they didnt girls where not behaving like spoilt brats. well i still feel kids should not be given phones

Hmmm. Inside life. None of my children would have access to an android phone until they enter university. Even the personal lines given to then on their panasa phones can only be used whenever they're back home either on mid-term break or holiday. They don't even have a video game. Not that I cant afford it but it's our decision. Exposure to the internet had diverted and killed the destiny of many children. Whenever they want to do an assignment and a computer with internet is needed. I'd ensure I stay with them throughout. Some have joined bad gangs and ended their lives abruptly while some have got pregnant and stopped schooling. There was a small boy in the neighbourhood who used to be quiet. His dad can drink anything drinkable while the mum almost of same character. They've spoilt their children with things they're not supposed to access at their age including separate tv in their rooms, tablets and android phones. One of them met this guy online. In short, he became a gay partner to this man. Later on, he became so wild that he progressed into being bisexual and his parents didn't notice all these. They go to work early, to return home late and hardly monitor their children activities.

This boy got admission in a university in Switzerland and as a routine, was asked to do medicals at IOM in Lagos. He tested positive to HIV and his mum was crying bitterly. His dad almost committed suicide. His visa had been approved and the embassy now asked him to do the needful on medical insurance to enable him spend less once he starts schooling.

Parents need to do a lot. Children of nowadays require extra monitoring and parental advice. Excesses need to be checked and no amount of prayers could be too much. I wonder how the next generation would be like. May God be with our children.

edidiongmichael:


This is the worst advice I've read here on nairaland.

Keep scrolling down you will see 'worster' advice.

This is Nairaland, mad people full am.

Few points

Pls stop the blame game: what is done is done. Stop blaming hubby, niece or yourself.

Sending the two conspirators to their room all day gives them time to strengthen their bond. Instead ask them to spend time with you or dad so you can be privy to their conversation and form a deeper bond with them.

Punishment has its limit- it may be time to call both girls individually and together to let them know that you love them and have forgiven them, and that you will require some cooperation from them going forward while they are under your room.

There is no point sending away the niece, if she is the weak link, then Kindly work with her in overcoming her issues. If she is the entrance into your daughters life, then pay attention to her issues and help resolve. Besides, it is the right thing to do.

Love wins when dealing with a teenager. Rebellion is fueled by hormones. Help them understand nothing changes your love for them.

Get both of them some counseling and sex Ed classes. 14 year olds are in SS 1 and it is not unusable for them to be interested in sex or exploring their bodies and pushing boundaries. This may be tough for your hubby to understand but it is imperative to help them both understand the impact of sex and their options for protection from both pregnancy and std.

Hubby may also want to spend more time with them, girls seek love and validation outside when they don’t get enough at home. Pls invest time in them for the next few years they will be under your roof. Maybe instead of expensive gadgets, you and your husband can devoted weekend to sharing experiences with your kids; things like cinema, road trips, hosting dinner parties and so 9n are shared experience that can help the kids get their trill in a safe way.

Above all, and as my people will say, “your child can not be so bad, you will throw him/her away”. Do more to gain their trust and mind share, they are your kids, no changing that and what has happened. Work together for better outcomes in the future.