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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / My 14-Year-Old Daughter Was Caught In Hotel With Boys, Smoking, Drinking (122503 Views)
15-Year-Old Boy Caught Trying To Lodge In A Hotel With 2 Girls (Video) / Man Convicted When His Daughter Was Tender Reunites With Her After Being Freed / Man Narrates How He Found Out Daughter Was Not His (2) (3) (4)
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Re: My 14-Year-Old Daughter Was Caught In Hotel With Boys, Smoking, Drinking by showafrica(m): 4:13pm On Jan 25, 2020 |
Queenellahrose: I am more interested on why you have not conceived again.. Hope you did that R+ and R- thing after your first born. Back to topic, some children are born slayer. There is little or nothing you can do at the moment.. Just teach her sex education and show her images of HIV patients. Assuming she has a junior thats looking upto her, she might not have gone this wayword. Again, this could be bad parenting... Imagine husband leaves by 5 and wife leaves by 6am. Before am a workholic but when i started having children, i slowed down and I will resume again when they come up of age. When you are close to your children, you automatically be there guardian and you will notice some stupid questions they ask ones in a while, you will start advising them as early as possible. |
Re: My 14-Year-Old Daughter Was Caught In Hotel With Boys, Smoking, Drinking by Nobody: 4:14pm On Jan 25, 2020 |
Sorry. Your husband shouldn't have placed the blame on you. A man is supposed to take responsibility for what happens in his family. That being said, I think when a young child that has been behaving one way before changes abruptly to the opposite without any warning beforehand, then trust me, that child has most likely been sexually assaulted. I guess that was what happened to your daughter the first time and since you didn't catch it, it only got worse. What to do: You need to make peace with your husband. He's behaving childish to be frank. How can the two of you oversee the affairs of a rebellious teen if you are both divided? Tell him that you two need to make peace in other to properly guide your daughter's aright. Keep an eagle-eyed watch over both girls. Know the time they close from school. Know how long it takes to walk from school home, how long it takes by bus etc. Spend more time with your daughter. You are a woman. Make your daughter to have you as her best friend she can tell anything to. Teach her things, cooking, baking, sewing, knitting. This will help both of you bond. Relate with her not like her mom but like a sister she can be free with. Sit and do her homework with her. Tell her stories of your ethnic group. Share stories of your home country with her. There's so much you can do to keep the attention of a teen-ager only if you know how. All the best as you navigate this rough patch. 1 Like |
Re: My 14-Year-Old Daughter Was Caught In Hotel With Boys, Smoking, Drinking by Le2money(m): 4:15pm On Jan 25, 2020 |
Queenellahrose: |
Re: My 14-Year-Old Daughter Was Caught In Hotel With Boys, Smoking, Drinking by Greenbirth: 4:15pm On Jan 25, 2020 |
My candid advice for you now is to send them back to nigeria. To be honest with you training children in other African countries especially Ghana can never help you. Most of the children there are way exposed sexually than the nigerian counter part. Send them back to nigeria and thank me later. 1 Like |
Re: My 14-Year-Old Daughter Was Caught In Hotel With Boys, Smoking, Drinking by CSTR2: 4:16pm On Jan 25, 2020 |
You need to flog them more. And more punishment. A 14 year old child should be scared of going to a hotel to have sex and drink. When that fear is not there, then there is a problem. At that age, fear is the only thing that works. Trying to be rational with them is a foolish mission. 1 Like |
Re: My 14-Year-Old Daughter Was Caught In Hotel With Boys, Smoking, Drinking by FIRDAUS3(m): 4:17pm On Jan 25, 2020 |
The 17 year old niece has led your daughter astray. Kindly Separate them totally and if possible tell your husband to send her back to where he picked her. Concentrate on how to rehabilitate your daughter, she might have gone beyond how you think she is, and at the same time don't be too harsh on her. I believe and i pray she'll change for good and become a Better child to your Family May God bless your Family and Restore back your Happiness. Remain bless |
Re: My 14-Year-Old Daughter Was Caught In Hotel With Boys, Smoking, Drinking by BluntBoy(m): 4:19pm On Jan 25, 2020 |
Queenellahrose: You want her to go to school but she would rather you enrolled her in a dance and music school. If not that many Nigerians are generally misinformed about education, I don't see how and why you wouldn't enroll her in a music and dance school. It is a school after all, and she would be taught vital life lessons as well. Your limited understanding about school might push you and your spouse into leading your daughter astray. Music and dance are her passion, and there are schools where she can get quality education on music and dance. In many developed countries, parents enrol their kids in gymnastics academies. Maybe they don't sound like school to you and your husband because in Nigeria here, school must sound like school. I don't really know how school sounds. Maybe Gbademo Primary School sounds more educational than Peter Kings Music School So, ma'am, your daughter is being denied her passion and is being forced to do something she doesn't like. That is why she is frustrated. Her frustration has culminated to recklessness as a coping mechanism. If you don't take actions fast, you might push her into committing suicide because a reckless life, especially in adolescence, most usually always culminate to depression, and depression into severe depression, and severe depression into suicidal thoughts. God forbid!!! So, look around for music and dance schools. Compare syllabi and make your decision fast. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My 14-Year-Old Daughter Was Caught In Hotel With Boys, Smoking, Drinking by Cchuks27(m): 4:19pm On Jan 25, 2020 |
Madam, this issue is very easy. Why are you crying? Wipe those tears and roll up your sleeve. I will advise, send her back to Nigeria for like a month (but tell her she'll spend the whole year until you've noticed changes in her behavior). When she's back with you, she must get a job to earn some money. You have to be very prudent in handling her and the other girl. This is about the application of wisdom. I learnt a hard lesson last year I am yet to recover. 1 Like |
Re: My 14-Year-Old Daughter Was Caught In Hotel With Boys, Smoking, Drinking by BabaO2: 4:20pm On Jan 25, 2020 |
Trait |
Re: My 14-Year-Old Daughter Was Caught In Hotel With Boys, Smoking, Drinking by CSTR2: 4:20pm On Jan 25, 2020 |
.. |
Re: My 14-Year-Old Daughter Was Caught In Hotel With Boys, Smoking, Drinking by Buffalo2(m): 4:20pm On Jan 25, 2020 |
Send them back to Nigeria let's handle them for just a session then they ll choose either to remain here or return back abroad and behave 1 Like |
Re: My 14-Year-Old Daughter Was Caught In Hotel With Boys, Smoking, Drinking by Fourwinds: 4:22pm On Jan 25, 2020 |
ImaIma1:ha! Once a girl taste the diick cookies at that age.... Oti pari 1 Like |
Re: My 14-Year-Old Daughter Was Caught In Hotel With Boys, Smoking, Drinking by JobsInIT: 4:23pm On Jan 25, 2020 |
I also find it interesting that you open the narrative with the fact that you have been unable to conceive again. Pls do not make your child feel like she is not enough in any way. It may not be ideal for your family but please let her know she is enough and loved. It is amazing how kids pick up under current in the house. Many act out in response to that; Basically a cry for help. Pls look at this incidence as a opportunity to identify your kids issues and address your child fragile emotions while she is still open to your influences.... It is really and Ill wind that brings no good. What is the silver lining in this incidence? Again, let her know she is enough..... |
Re: My 14-Year-Old Daughter Was Caught In Hotel With Boys, Smoking, Drinking by ToksTvDealer(m): 4:24pm On Jan 25, 2020 |
At 14, she ought to still be under your full control. Build a stronger relationship with her, study her movements and that of your niece. Give them close marking |
Re: My 14-Year-Old Daughter Was Caught In Hotel With Boys, Smoking, Drinking by sorepco(m): 4:24pm On Jan 25, 2020 |
Abeg take am easy b4 you get BP. E no easy to control teenagers... especially spoilt brats. But u need to act like a team with your man to succeed. Bonne chance Madamme! s and sleepless night, it’s almost 3am I can’t sleep my head wants to explode with too much thinking. [/quote] |
Re: My 14-Year-Old Daughter Was Caught In Hotel With Boys, Smoking, Drinking by sorepco(m): 4:24pm On Jan 25, 2020 |
Abeg take am easy b4 you get BP. E no easy to control teenagers... especially spoilt brats. But u need to act like a team with your man to succeed. Bonne chance Madamme! s and sleepless night, it’s almost 3am I can’t sleep my head wants to explode with too much thinking. [/quote] |
Re: My 14-Year-Old Daughter Was Caught In Hotel With Boys, Smoking, Drinking by Farki: 4:25pm On Jan 25, 2020 |
Now is not the time to be blaming each other, the fact is both of you didn't set a good example for your child. This behaviour didn't start today and you must have ignored the signs leading up to it. Now you and your husband must start doing your detective work having serious conversation with each other your daughter and the niece to find out how they got to this stage and how to fix it. Sha let me not be acting all holy on nairaland we all did our own at this age. ![]() |
Re: My 14-Year-Old Daughter Was Caught In Hotel With Boys, Smoking, Drinking by nelsonoba: 4:25pm On Jan 25, 2020 |
Gaggi: 100% true! I can use myself as a practical example. I was born into a dysfunctional home where my mother and father were not married. They were just doing boyfriend and girlfriend even though my father was already married to another woman at that time and my mother was already divorced from her previous husband. My mother had 3 kids before she met my father from her divorced marriage, and she then had me and my younger sister for my dad. My father was never a part of our growing up and my younger sister and I were both exposed to a lot of things kids should not be exposed to, and to be honest, there was every opportunity for us to become wayward. But guess what? As at when I was 12 years old, I gave my life to Christ and I had enough sense to tell myself that I don't want to live the kind of life my mother and father lived. I was determined to correct the lifestyle instead of living the same life of my parents and blaming them for not showing the right example for me. I was fortunate enough to have other distant people in church I could look up to, and they made me understand that if I don't want to end up the same way my parents did, I must find out what they were doing wrong and do the opposite. At this point, I concluded that I WILL NEVER HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH PREMARITAL SEX. SEX MUST BE WHEN I GET MARRIED. By the time my younger sister was 19, she had gotten pregnant for her boyfriend and had to drop out from school, only to go back years later. I got married at 32 and my wife was the first woman I had sex with on that wedding night. It was not easy, and things almost happened in my previous 2 relationships that would have made me cross the line when the temptations were so intense, but thank God for his Grace that helped me on those two occasions and I was able to stop the kissing and touching that had already started and was almost certainly going to have led to sex. What I want to highlight here is this; me and my sister were exposed to the same dysfunctional home experience, she chooses the wrong lifestyle and ends up getting pregnant out of wedlock twice while I chose to say no to the wrong lifestyle in order to make something good for myself. LIFE IS ABOUT CHOICES. YOU MAY COME FROM A POOR OR DYSFUNCTIONAL BACKGROUND, BUT YOUR CHOICES CAN CREATE THE OPPOSITE RESULTS FOR YOU. There is only so much we can blame parents for. The best gift any parent can give a child is not expensive mobile phone or gadgets, but rather helping them to know Christ. There are so many nonsense in a teenager's life that a genuine relationship with Christ will automatically correct. Today, I find a lot of adults who are my age mates or even older and they are just beginning to understand some wisdom and sense about life that I already understand when I was a teenager simply by studying my bible.....especially the book of Proverbs 8 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My 14-Year-Old Daughter Was Caught In Hotel With Boys, Smoking, Drinking by purehustle101(m): 4:25pm On Jan 25, 2020 |
make them go through series of test in hospital since sex in now there thing. and also put them through counseling it might be peer influence.. draw them more to whatever God you pray to. thanks 1 Like |
Re: My 14-Year-Old Daughter Was Caught In Hotel With Boys, Smoking, Drinking by Houseofglam7(f): 4:27pm On Jan 25, 2020 |
unbitchable:Absolutely not. |
Re: My 14-Year-Old Daughter Was Caught In Hotel With Boys, Smoking, Drinking by bullabong(m): 4:27pm On Jan 25, 2020 |
Queenellahrose:I am also a parent,the truth here is that you and your husband made her this way. Both parents take the blame. Did I see expensive phones,tablets , designer clothes and money? For a 14year old? A slay teen has been created. 1 Like |
Re: My 14-Year-Old Daughter Was Caught In Hotel With Boys, Smoking, Drinking by Happyguy201: 4:27pm On Jan 25, 2020 |
fkj950ax: and you think its okay? |
Re: My 14-Year-Old Daughter Was Caught In Hotel With Boys, Smoking, Drinking by Africomterror: 4:28pm On Jan 25, 2020 |
Wow |
Re: My 14-Year-Old Daughter Was Caught In Hotel With Boys, Smoking, Drinking by abbey621(m): 4:29pm On Jan 25, 2020 |
My husband blamed me for everything saying it’s all my fault those girls are becoming bad. T[b]he truth is he is the one that has been spoiling them with expensive phones , tablets and designer clothings and pocket money.[/b] I was against him pampering them so much because I knew it will come to this but he has always told me he works hard for his children to have better things and now they had become bad, he has put all the blames on me forgetting that it’s all his faults. You are a mother for goodness sake, it is your responsibility to make sure your child especially a female one behaves morally, your husband can try the tough guy act but we all know mothers have greater influence over their children. All your child is doing is calling out for attention, look at your situation. You and your husband both leave early for work and probably spend less than 2 hours per day with your child, your husband like many fathers believe matrerial things would keep her happy, while you are completely oblivious of what it means to be a mother. Yea you kicked against the gifts but what have you done to actually show your female child right from wrong. When was the last time you had discussions about sex, alcohol, boys etc., abi na the man suppose do that one too? I would advise you to spend more time with her especially on weekend, connect with her in a way that your husband cannot. Bring out the mama bear in you and show her she means more to you than making money. If you don't have the strength, seek professional and religious help, keep her so busy that she has no time for anything else, after she turns 18 or 21 she's an adult so she's on her own, what will be will be! |
Re: My 14-Year-Old Daughter Was Caught In Hotel With Boys, Smoking, Drinking by mosco04: 4:29pm On Jan 25, 2020 |
Lol this story ain't real at all you said you have only one child but in the story you said kids now the time you wrote was different from the time you posted it |
Re: My 14-Year-Old Daughter Was Caught In Hotel With Boys, Smoking, Drinking by Farki: 4:29pm On Jan 25, 2020 |
Happyguy201:Haven't you heard we are in Internet age? ![]() If you don't have phone it's as good as being blind. |
Re: My 14-Year-Old Daughter Was Caught In Hotel With Boys, Smoking, Drinking by benjida: 4:29pm On Jan 25, 2020 |
Train up a child in the way he should go, [a]And when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6 |
Re: My 14-Year-Old Daughter Was Caught In Hotel With Boys, Smoking, Drinking by TOPMAN4LIFE: 4:32pm On Jan 25, 2020 |
Bejusttoall:That's if the parents know Jesus genuinely themselves. Parents need to teach their children the way of Lord and pray for them without ceasing. Many parents are bad examples to their children in lifestyle, dressing, movies and music they view and listen to , And they want them to behave different from what they have grown up with . Parents can't eat their cake and still have it. Some parents engage in adultery, clubbing, partying drinking but want their wards to behave decently 2 Likes |
Re: My 14-Year-Old Daughter Was Caught In Hotel With Boys, Smoking, Drinking by MedicH: 4:32pm On Jan 25, 2020 |
To raise the girlchild is never easy. You will talk and talk and talk but you can't really tell she's understanding. Sometimes it is important to have her conscience rooted in strong christian ideals because when she has this fear that there's an unseeing eye that sees her doings and will get angry with her and send her to hell, she will not readily let go of those ideals. she will abandon them surely but not at teenage. 2 Likes |
Re: My 14-Year-Old Daughter Was Caught In Hotel With Boys, Smoking, Drinking by golddare: 4:33pm On Jan 25, 2020 |
Queenellahrose: It's not too late, there is hope and all you need is to trust God and do your part. 1. Watch this yourview episode https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6cIJCyjIX0I 2. Pray that the Holy Spirit should help you to transform her. |
Re: My 14-Year-Old Daughter Was Caught In Hotel With Boys, Smoking, Drinking by Nobody: 4:33pm On Jan 25, 2020 |
The Children of these days really need cleansing..We should start weeding unwanted plants around our children early before they get Shoked...Sorry to deviate,I was in my village this Xmas...One night,I was just looking for where to ease myself when I caught a girl of 10 giving bj to a boy of 11 Somewhere behind a Church...I Confronted them with na this kind thing dem send ona here to do?!the boy was mute and silent but the girl told me he was her boyfriend,I Shock..I observed she had only pimples in front no breast yet...I no fit even say anything again sef..na "at ur age"I just dey talk Waka leave dem...Shame catch me ooo...What Adults do kids na do it better.Smh 2 Likes |
Re: My 14-Year-Old Daughter Was Caught In Hotel With Boys, Smoking, Drinking by qtx(m): 4:33pm On Jan 25, 2020 |
What a painful story. However, from your story, the situation is not yet beyond control, and I pray it will only get better. First, the blame should go to both of you(you and your hubby). Children are the responsibility of both parents, not just one. Hence both of you are to share the blame. Secondly, it looks to me like you guys have over-pampered these girls all because other children are yet to come. You give expensive phones and gadgets to girls at such ages? 14 years for instance? Do you have an idea of the content they consume with those devices? I tell parents, exposing children to such things especially with the internet running on them at a tender age is like selling your child to a dangerous world where there is no fence, control or restriction to what they view and who they meet. Social media alone is enough to take children away from being good children to bad children. It is not the children's fault because they are still too young to exercise self-control over what they see or view via those devices. Social media is all about deception and destruction. All over the world that has become the growing concern of parents. But the did have been done. What is the way forward? 1. As someone said earlier, you and your hubby need more time with these kids. Dont use all your time making wealth at the expense of the attention and happiness for the children. Give them attention because am sure this issue did not just start, it started a long time ago but you and your hubby were too busy to discover it early. 2. You can get the girl a music teacher preferably female who can come after school ones or twice a week to teach her at home just to assure her you are not against her doing music but schooling is as well important. 3. Get a cheap piano, guitar, and any other musical equipment at home for her to practice especially on holidays and let the music teach her help her on that as if possible. 4. Connect both emotionally and physically with your kids e.g make them your friends forget about what happened. Draw them closer after you have made them to apologize, tell them you have also forgiven them on condition they no longer mix with such friends and engage in such acts. 5. Introduce night devotion, study a verse of the bible each with them every evening (if you are a Christian), with time let them too start taking turns to learn how to read and explain a verse, emphasize the bible values. (the bible says train up a child the way she should go and when she grows up she will never depart from it. Before you do all these, you must sit with your hubby, tell each other the truth, accept your own fault and make him understand his own fault in the matter and agree to work as a team to bring back your kids to your bosom. Don't forget to pray always for them as well. I pray God will help you. 2 Likes |
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