Attention. Attention. Attention. One or both parents must have at least 8 hours during the day around the growing child. Otherwise, they will seek it outside and might be influenced badly. Schools is just one part of education. The most important one is parenting - guiding the child during the growing years. Don't be too busy making money!

Work your way around it, please. You both can't be leaving home 6 am or before and only spend night time with the kids. What are you working for when you have "lost" the child in the process? Everything isn't money and gift. They had TV in their rooms? Are you kidding me!? So, where was the parental guidance needed?

Parental and emotional attention and connection is everything. You let boys and older girls jump in and fill that gap and therefore you "lost" the girl at around 10 years of age. The child needed to see you and her had as the perfect model. You were not really available and other bad influences (who wanted to exploit her by the way) gladly jumped in to play the role. Remember nature abhors a vacuum!

Queenellahrose:
I’m writing with so much pain in my heart because my only child is giving me lots of trouble. She is 14. Ever since I had her, I cannot conceive again. My husband and I went trough lots of tests we are all okay and perfect so we had to accept that God wanted us to have one daughter for now and we are still believing God for more children. Where do I start we are Nigerian leaving outside of Nigeria (African country) for the past 8 years we also took along my husband niece who is now 17.

My daughter was a very nice and obedient child working hard at school and has always been making us proud but everything changed when she turned 11 years. She started getting in trouble at school, my husband and I are always called for meeting about her not working well and fighting with her classmates and she gets punished almost everyday. We as parents had heart to heart talk. She had made clear that she doesn’t like school and want us to enrolled her at music and dance school. She was only 12. Me and her dad were against it. we had convinced how important education and all we want is the best for her to finish school to have a better job and she can do her music and dance too later.

She was okay and we kept encouraging her and praying for her, things started to get a little bit better even school complained become less. Three week ago I usually leave the house at 6am for work, hubby leaves before me and the kids were still at home getting ready for school and around 11am I received a called from the police asking if I’m mrs o and chi mum I said yes I started panicking because I thought maybe she had an accident or something, the police officer asked me to come at the station.

I rushed there and what I heard broke my heart in pieces. He explained to me that my daughter and niece and other girls were caught at a hotel with boys smoking, drinking and having sex. Actually somebody called the police because they had noticed that under age children entered the hotel which is an offence so when the police came, they had arrested all of them and took them to the station requesting them to give parents details and that’s how they contacted me .

I was ashamed and couldn’t controlled my tears. I wept bitterly because when I thought my two girls are angel in fact they were doing the unthinkable. I bailed both of them and I just hated them I didn’t even talked to them to avoid beating them badly, but later when hubby came I didn’t hide anything from him. He was so angry that he flogged them mercilessly, I felt bad for them but they both deserved it. We took their phones away, tablets and TV in their room and they are banned from going outside apart from school and when they both get back from school they will eat and go and spend the rest of their day in their bedroom until nighttime.

My husband blamed me for everything saying it’s all my fault those girls are becoming bad. The truth is he is the one that has been spoiling them with expensive phones , tablets and designer clothings and pocket money. I was against him pampering them so much because I knew it will come to this but he has always told me he works hard for his children to have better things and now they had become bad, he has put all the blames on me forgetting that it’s all his faults.

We are not in talking terms for three weeks and he is not eating my foods anymore. The whole things just gives me headaches and sleepless night, it’s almost 3am I can’t sleep my head wants to explode with too much thinking.

This happens when Ure not ur kids closet frnd, u buy them finer things of life bt that can not replace bonding, quality discussions and fun time. These are keys to ur children bonding with u and that’s when they can tell u what’s on their mind and be real with u.

Ure busy making money while ur kids are getting rotten. Now U have a reality check u need to start working on them and reverse this negative attitude.

1st u have to have a candid discussion with them and know exactly what they have been involved in and how deep they have gone. Then u can start to help them out of it. Don’t shy from ur responsibility to bring ur kids up correctly or delegate it to other people. Also the niece is a bad influence bt also need reorientation to change.

Who’s responsible for this both of u are and the first step is to accept ur fault and responsibility.


The truth is that 80% of kids learn about life from external influences than their family or parents. Meaning they are at the mercy of whoever has the strongest influence on them while u the parents is sleeping on duty or shying away from ur responsibility.

Sorry for that..... But you can Adopt me as your son.

Queenellahrose:
I’m writing with so much pain in my heart because my only child is giving me lots of trouble. She is 14. Ever since I had her, I cannot conceive again. My husband and I went trough lots of tests we are all okay and perfect so we had to accept that God wanted us to have one daughter for now and we are still believing God for more children. Where do I start we are Nigerian leaving outside of Nigeria (African country) for the past 8 years we also took along my husband niece who is now 17.

My daughter was a very nice and obedient child working hard at school and has always been making us proud but everything changed when she turned 11 years. She started getting in trouble at school, my husband and I are always called for meeting about her not working well and fighting with her classmates and she gets punished almost everyday. We as parents had heart to heart talk. She had made clear that she doesn’t like school and want us to enrolled her at music and dance school. She was only 12. Me and her dad were against it. we had convinced how important education and all we want is the best for her to finish school to have a better job and she can do her music and dance too later.

She was okay and we kept encouraging her and praying for her, things started to get a little bit better even school complained become less. Three week ago I usually leave the house at 6am for work, hubby leaves before me and the kids were still at home getting ready for school and around 11am I received a called from the police asking if I’m mrs o and chi mum I said yes I started panicking because I thought maybe she had an accident or something, the police officer asked me to come at the station.

I rushed there and what I heard broke my heart in pieces. He explained to me that my daughter and niece and other girls were caught at a hotel with boys smoking, drinking and having sex. Actually somebody called the police because they had noticed that under age children entered the hotel which is an offence so when the police came, they had arrested all of them and took them to the station requesting them to give parents details and that’s how they contacted me .

I was ashamed and couldn’t controlled my tears. I wept bitterly because when I thought my two girls are angel in fact they were doing the unthinkable. I bailed both of them and I just hated them I didn’t even talked to them to avoid beating them badly, but later when hubby came I didn’t hide anything from him. He was so angry that he flogged them mercilessly, I felt bad for them but they both deserved it. We took their phones away, tablets and TV in their room and they are banned from going outside apart from school and when they both get back from school they will eat and go and spend the rest of their day in their bedroom until nighttime.

My husband blamed me for everything saying it’s all my fault those girls are becoming bad. The truth is he is the one that has been spoiling them with expensive phones , tablets and designer clothings and pocket money. I was against him pampering them so much because I knew it will come to this but he has always told me he works hard for his children to have better things and now they had become bad, he has put all the blames on me forgetting that it’s all his faults.

We are not in talking terms for three weeks and he is not eating my foods anymore. The whole things just gives me headaches and sleepless night, it’s almost 3am I can’t sleep my head wants to explode with too much thinking.

Monitoring of kids nowadays is very important. You guys leave the house as early as 6am and leave the 2 girls all alone to fend for themselves. When they come back from school none of you guys is home .

They are young and naive so guys will take advantage of their freedom to do all kind of nonsense .

Please spend time with your kids , withdraw them from their present school and enroll them in a school close to your place of work where you can drop them in the morning and pick them when you close for work .

Above all , please pray to God to direct your family .

Look bad children will b3 bad children. It doesn’t matter whether they are in Ghana, Timbuktu or wherever. Why do nigerians like to so hypocritical? Are you saying children in Ghana are sexually exposed and those in Nigeria are not? I have children in Ghana and they are not “sexually exposed” as you want to claim.

Greenbirth:
My candid advice for you now is to send them back to nigeria. To be honest with you training children in other African countries especially Ghana can never help you. Most of the children there are way exposed sexually than the nigerian counter part. Send them back to nigeria and thank me later.

Form all indications,both of you don't actually know what it entails raising a girl child.Its not about buying or not buying expensive items for them.There's more to it.Start by sitting those girls down and talking sense into them.

From all indications,both of you don't actually know what it entails raising a girl child.Its not about buying or not buying expensive items for them.There's more to it.Start by sitting those girls down and talking sense into them.

MartinCorridon:


Your daughter is on her way to becoming an :

Let us be serious with our lives. She did not ask you to abuse her or her daughter, she only asked for good advice to correct the issue at hand. Wish her well so that it will be well with u.

budaatum:
Sounds like your 17 year old niece has led your daughter astray. If I were you, I'd send her back home to start with, then me and hubby have to sit down and be honest about how we both produced this or lie and rue the consequences of our errors.

I agree.

She's practicing now so that when she gets into the higher institution in Nigeria she will become a pro.

Uwa mmebi!

Disadvantages of being a working class mother. While boys on nairaland insult women who takes care of the home, we keep reading things like this from working couples. God please help me, help my family to be stable enough so that I can have time for these children you gave me. May I not be found wanted due to hardship and societal pressure. In fact, I am looking for stay at home job, the one I can be doing with my computer. I need help, my kids are getting to double age, I don't want to be in this situation. May God help you madam op, I am so scared now. God have mercy.

Happyguy201:


for an adult YES but for a 14 year old girl come on atleast from 17 going not 14 what the hell is the world turning to even you self is supporting such rubbish

Man I don't know what to tell you, a phone is a tool how you use it is up to the user but with all new technologies older people will always complain about it. Wayward children didn't start with phones and will continue until after they go out of style.

Am sorry to say this but your husband is right it's your fault. Your daughter is suppose to emulate you. Whether you husband feed them with cash etc you are suppose to create a balance.


Even from your post I can tell the type of mother you are dear, how can you cry when your child is going astray. You should have started the beatings from the police station.

How can you feel sorry for them. Let me tell you there are different kids, the one you talk to that will listen, the one you look at that will understand and listen, the one you beat to listen and the one you must go all Rambo on for it to sink in.


Your daughter needs more than just heart to heart talk and most importantly start taking your parenting seriously the African way,

Make sure you stop that nonsense dance class or whatever. From school to the house. Give her house chores to do.

Queenellahrose:
I’m writing with so much pain in my heart because my only child is giving me lots of trouble. She is 14. Ever since I had her, I cannot conceive again. My husband and I went trough lots of tests we are all okay and perfect so we had to accept that God wanted us to have one daughter for now and we are still believing God for more children. Where do I start we are Nigerian leaving outside of Nigeria (African country) for the past 8 years we also took along my husband niece who is now 17.

My daughter was a very nice and obedient child working hard at school and has always been making us proud but everything changed when she turned 11 years. She started getting in trouble at school, my husband and I are always called for meeting about her not working well and fighting with her classmates and she gets punished almost everyday. We as parents had heart to heart talk. She had made clear that she doesn’t like school and want us to enrolled her at music and dance school. She was only 12. Me and her dad were against it. we had convinced how important education and all we want is the best for her to finish school to have a better job and she can do her music and dance too later.

She was okay and we kept encouraging her and praying for her, things started to get a little bit better even school complained become less. Three week ago I usually leave the house at 6am for work, hubby leaves before me and the kids were still at home getting ready for school and around 11am I received a called from the police asking if I’m mrs o and chi mum I said yes I started panicking because I thought maybe she had an accident or something, the police officer asked me to come at the station.

I rushed there and what I heard broke my heart in pieces. He explained to me that my daughter and niece and other girls were caught at a hotel with boys smoking, drinking and having sex. Actually somebody called the police because they had noticed that under age children entered the hotel which is an offence so when the police came, they had arrested all of them and took them to the station requesting them to give parents details and that’s how they contacted me .

I was ashamed and couldn’t controlled my tears. I wept bitterly because when I thought my two girls are angel in fact they were doing the unthinkable. I bailed both of them and I just hated them I didn’t even talked to them to avoid beating them badly, but later when hubby came I didn’t hide anything from him. He was so angry that he flogged them mercilessly, I felt bad for them but they both deserved it. We took their phones away, tablets and TV in their room and they are banned from going outside apart from school and when they both get back from school they will eat and go and spend the rest of their day in their bedroom until nighttime.

My husband blamed me for everything saying it’s all my fault those girls are becoming bad. The truth is he is the one that has been spoiling them with expensive phones , tablets and designer clothings and pocket money. I was against him pampering them so much because I knew it will come to this but he has always told me he works hard for his children to have better things and now they had become bad, he has put all the blames on me forgetting that it’s all his faults.

We are not in talking terms for three weeks and he is not eating my foods anymore. The whole things just gives me headaches and sleepless night, it’s almost 3am I can’t sleep my head wants to explode with too much thinking.

Coded2:
this is a good advice and I will urge u and ur husband to take it meanwhile, Wwhy not try this supplement that is doing wonders it called stc30 for the infertility u can contact me on the number below .

Hi. Heard STC 30 is for eyes....please, confirm to me + price.

Farki:


Man I don't know what to tell you, a phone is a tool how you use it is up to the user but with all new technologies older people will always complain about it. Wayward children didn't start with phones and will continue until after they go out of style.

i dont think you get what im saying . a 14 year old is a kid and therefore shouldn't be given a smart phone to use because that by the time she start doing Facebook and badoo she will become exposed to pedos and bad guys who are ready to take advantage ,. if you want to buy your kid a phone a 14 go ahead and do that happy parenting

I think she has been affected by the MARLIAN virus.

Sighs, girl child, very scary thing to have as a parent today.

I love female kids a lot but I am just so scared of having one, God please help me so that I won't commit murder by killing my own daughter because I really don't trust what I would do to such daughter and the boys involved.

God please help me, if I must have a girl child please help me put fears and decency into her medulla because I know its not always by the strictness of their parents that makes a child decent but Gods grace



Op, send that your niece back to Nigeria asap so that her parents can handle her foolishness whole you handle your daughter's own!!!

money121:
God take control

Amen

for your gift card trading bring all country gift card to my dm for swift payment at the best rate 
Note:valid cards only rippers wont know peace insha allah 
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Please kindly follow me on IG its wont cost much of your time please for God sake @bimbolawonuola

Its really tough these days to parent a child, they have too much around to make them loose focus I tell you

unbitchable:

did you just say "Absolutely"?.. have you considered how strong a word?

This girl ain't good bro.
I can tell you that fo sho.

crackkhaus:

Personally, I don't think there's a difference between the decision-making abilities of a 17yr old in comparison to a 14yr old...especially when it involves boys.

true

Story tellers everywhere. Smh. All for views.
What decent woman who leaves for work ad early as 6am daily and writes so intelligently takes up their family issues concerning her daughter to a misogynistic site as nairaland full of agberos, touts and Marlians for solution.

NONE.

Happyguy201:



i dont think you get what im saying . a 14 year old is a kid and therefore shouldn't be given a smart phone to use because that by the time she start doing Facebook and badoo she will become exposed to pedos and bad guys who are ready to take advantage ,. if you want to buy your kid a phone a 14 go ahead and do that happy parenting

How about you teach your children about proper Internet safety and etiquette. In the next 4 years the child will be an adult and if they can't learn to be careful online then you aren't doing your job as a parent. If you like give them torchlight phone for calls only just don't blame technologies for bad parenting.

You live the house by 6am & your hubby virtually lives before you. What do you expect of a teenager that lacks motherly care/proper home training. That must be tough.

Queenellahrose:
I’m writing with so much pain in my heart because my only child is giving me lots of trouble. She is 14. Ever since I had her, I cannot conceive again. My husband and I went trough lots of tests we are all okay and perfect so we had to accept that God wanted us to have one daughter for now and we are still believing God for more children. Where do I start we are Nigerian leaving outside of Nigeria (African country) for the past 8 years we also took along my husband niece who is now 17.

My daughter was a very nice and obedient child working hard at school and has always been making us proud but everything changed when she turned 11 years. She started getting in trouble at school, my husband and I are always called for meeting about her not working well and fighting with her classmates and she gets punished almost everyday. We as parents had heart to heart talk. She had made clear that she doesn’t like school and want us to enrolled her at music and dance school. She was only 12. Me and her dad were against it. we had convinced how important education and all we want is the best for her to finish school to have a better job and she can do her music and dance too later.

She was okay and we kept encouraging her and praying for her, things started to get a little bit better even school complained become less. Three week ago I usually leave the house at 6am for work, hubby leaves before me and the kids were still at home getting ready for school and around 11am I received a called from the police asking if I’m mrs o and chi mum I said yes I started panicking because I thought maybe she had an accident or something, the police officer asked me to come at the station.

I rushed there and what I heard broke my heart in pieces. He explained to me that my daughter and niece and other girls were caught at a hotel with boys smoking, drinking and having sex. Actually somebody called the police because they had noticed that under age children entered the hotel which is an offence so when the police came, they had arrested all of them and took them to the station requesting them to give parents details and that’s how they contacted me .

I was ashamed and couldn’t controlled my tears. I wept bitterly because when I thought my two girls are angel in fact they were doing the unthinkable. I bailed both of them and I just hated them I didn’t even talked to them to avoid beating them badly, but later when hubby came I didn’t hide anything from him. He was so angry that he flogged them mercilessly, I felt bad for them but they both deserved it. We took their phones away, tablets and TV in their room and they are banned from going outside apart from school and when they both get back from school they will eat and go and spend the rest of their day in their bedroom until nighttime.

My husband blamed me for everything saying it’s all my fault those girls are becoming bad. The truth is he is the one that has been spoiling them with expensive phones , tablets and designer clothings and pocket money. I was against him pampering them so much because I knew it will come to this but he has always told me he works hard for his children to have better things and now they had become bad, he has put all the blames on me forgetting that it’s all his faults.

We are not in talking terms for three weeks and he is not eating my foods anymore. The whole things just gives me headaches and sleepless night, it’s almost 3am I can’t sleep my head wants to explode with too much thinking.

This is unspeakable!

It's well.

This is not time to apportion blame but to provide a better solution to this seeming difficult issue but not one difficult.

Let's start with this.

The word of God speaking in Proverbs says, "Spear the rod and spoil the child".

The question now is how often Was The rod used in her upbringing?
The rod here is not even stick or Canal...but the word of God.

Your daughter can be restored to her state of right and just leaving only with what she was created with which is the spoken word of God and the spirit of God.

As she is now, her mind has been conformed to a certain system of leaving which to her it is right and good.
It takes the ability of the seed of the word of God planted in her now to transform her from the conformity of her own right thinking. And this can only be done through the word of God.

This word of God is the illuminating light of Christ Jesus the son of God as written in John 1:1.

Only this word can set things aright and give comfort and restoration to her lost soul and the lost peace in the family.

The psalmist speaking in psalms 23:4, He said "....thy rod and thy staff they comfort me". Still talking about The word of God which is Jesus Christ.

MA, locking her inside without locking the word of God in her heart will make no difference.
Rather it will give her an Avenue to have time to restrategis her plan of living when freed.

The best you can give her now is love.
The best you can give her now is Christ if you really have him in you.
The best you can also give to your husband now is your voice of prayer and love. For a praying woman is a prevailing woman. And a loving woman is a living woman.

Stop thinking and let God be... (Be careful for nothing, but by prayer and supplication with Thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Philippians 4:6).
Cast all your burdens upon the Lord for He cares for you.

Finally when Jesus sets in in your family rest assured that peace will set in.

Know that nothing missing, Nothing broken when Jesus comes in.

Just give him A chance.

Thanks Ma.

its well even in d well

Hmmmmmmm
This one loud o
May God help U

You can’t turn a bad girl good. But when a good is going bad, she is gone forever and you will mourn forever. Well after all said and done, this isn’t time for the blaming game. Father’s often pamper their daughters too much and when things go bad, they tend to shift the blame. We have not heard his part of the story though.
The current punishment is cool. But I bet you, the slightest opportunity they get they will go for a dick again. Don’t be surprised they begin to skip school to go for nailing with those bad boys. Getting them nearer to God might be a remedy. Then for your husband, try to make peace with him, if not a side chick will begin to get the better part of him or he will become addicted to prostitutes. You sound as if the dude is doing good financially.
I wish you the best. My only daughter wouldn’t end like this IJN, AMEN.

Drakkernoir:


Do you people do this for attention,

I don't really get!!!

Do you quote when not referred to, just to seek attention?

And yes, she would soon be an olosho if the mum doesn't buckle up. Only someone with a microscopic IQ wouldn't see that.