hybrid77:
Pls i need a sincere advice here.

Im 3 months old in marriage and im so unhappy about the set up (my wife too)

My wife is a student and she tried everything to shift the marriage until easter this year but i refused due to many projects for the year. so we got married 3 months ago.

I took care of her bills since she got admission and we dated for 5 years

But she is so disrespectful and want to make important decisions in marriage which ive refused to allow.

Now, she claims i forced her into marriage and she is not mentally ready because i asked her to change to my family's name.

She has been good then bad then worse..And i think her words about forcing her into marriage has irreparably hurt me.

I spent over 3m of my cash to give her the wedding she wanted (Without any support from her family) against my wish for a 1m wedding.

And despite getting the big wedding she wants before consenting to marry last year, she claims she is not mentally ready and was forced into marriage.

she has repeated this over and over and its making me go crazy..in fact im tired already

Right now she wants more time to be a wife..but im beginning to feel there is a love issue here..I feel she does not love me as she always claims

Though weve settled but we dont talk as usual..we dont even want to hear from each other...

it seems i nolonger love her like i used to..And worst still, continuing with the marriage when she claims she was forced is degrading and disreputable.

My question is, at what point should anyone seriously consider a divorce?

Well I think you need to get separated for the time being

She is the problem now because I don't know why she said she needs time to get prepared for marriage

Maybe the love is there maybe not

But get separated first and make your analysis

I am not even understanding. Here is a woman he trained and suddenly she is now squaring up to him as man. How did he force her into marriage? Was she cuffed and a gun put to her head. If her mum is even pleading for his cause,doesn't this suggest this rebel is attempting to have her cake and eat it

He caused it all. By agreeing to even support this illiterate graduate. How about she asks from people who go through hell to seek help and go to school. I dont blame her. He was there for him. Now she is a graduate and he is pushing for marriage and she now suddenly realised he isnt good enough and after the marriage she is shaking tables to create confusion and cause him pain

I have not seen what wrong he did . Her rant paints a horrid picture of someone who sees a man she feels isnt good enough for her. I see a cheat who has cheated on the fiance so much she isnt interested in a life together with him. He has been scammed

She is accusing him of being bossy. Of course you have to hang a bone on a dog to hang it. Nonsense and ingredient.

My advise

Tell her to jog on. Look for a more grateful person. In no time that grass at the other side would turn red for her and she would come back, cap in hand. Only then you already know her real self. Refuse to be manipulated and bullied

feyisy86:
I believe na money u use as the base of love she only loved ur money, its better u both settle it now , but I can say she doesn't love u, your wife is seeing another man, if I should ask wats ur own level of education.

Im a medical doctor

AshiraWealthy:


Those are mere speculations, bro. I didn't say it as matter of factly. Ok? Which was why I used words like prolly ( probably).

My last statement is simply advising you to give room for hearing to be exactly sure before finally taking a decision.

Look at this:

"You tot she loved you while she was only using you to aquire her education, and you being deceived decided to take it to next level even when that was not her mission (get married to you)."

This is definite. Its not probability or speculations. U don't need to advise me to give them room cos my actions or inactions on nairaland doesn't affect d outcome of d marriage. I only followed ur line of reasoning which was going in two opposite directions

hybrid77:
Pls i need a sincere advice here.

Im 3 months old in marriage and im so unhappy about the set up (my wife too)

My wife is a student and she tried everything to shift the marriage until easter this year but i refused due to many projects for the year. so we got married 3 months ago.

I took care of her bills since she got admission and we dated for 5 years

But she is so disrespectful and want to make important decisions in marriage which ive refused to allow.

Now, she claims i forced her into marriage and she is not mentally ready because i asked her to change to my family's name.

She has been good then bad then worse..And i think her words about forcing her into marriage has irreparably hurt me.

I spent over 3m of my cash to give her the wedding she wanted (Without any support from her family) against my wish for a 1m wedding.

And despite getting the big wedding she wants before consenting to marry last year, she claims she is not mentally ready and was forced into marriage.

she has repeated this over and over and its making me go crazy..in fact im tired already

Right now she wants more time to be a wife..but im beginning to feel there is a love issue here..I feel she does not love me as she always claims

Though weve settled but we dont talk as usual..we dont even want to hear from each other...

it seems i nolonger love her like i used to..And worst still, continuing with the marriage when she claims she was forced is degrading and disreputable.

My question is, at what point should anyone seriously consider a divorce?

My advice; Get dividends of all your investments, (pregnant her to born 2 or 3) later in life revisit these her remarks... after you sent d children abroad studying....

femalecobra:
But in summary one thing I know
1. You are married to a lady who wants a friend and companion in a man not a bossy person. Someone who can allow her think n reason with u. You bring your idea and she brings hers and u reason together n male a logical conclusion.
Imposing yourself won’t work and that’s just the truth.
I am that type of lady too. “You can’t tell me to always DO your decision” you have to bring d logical analysis that led to ur idea...I may have mine and suggest and if after you advised and I do mine having considered both options ....I need you to respect my choice as a “human” not a compelled slave called “wife” that must do what you want” . After all, I would respect your choices so I expect you respect mine when the sometimes differ from yours.

But when I know it’s what u want that must work out, Then I feel I am dealing “with a bossy man” and I can’t stand it...hell cant...I would be miserable.
Why would I choose that for the rest of my life?
“Why would I want to choose submitting” to a man Dt “compels” submission for the rest of my life when I can choose to date a man that is a friend in a husband?

So if u wanna keep bossing ....as per I am the man!!!!...you must do as I say.....from the message I think there would be a problem....
Cus your kind woman no go gree

That cost me a relationship but I walked out of it. I cried. I loved him. But I couldn’t think of forever with a man that wants to “lord” “rule” “question my friendships or even cut my normal ties with male colleagues” simply because they are males etc on top of “marriage”. He too was in a haste like you that we married. But having seen people’s experience in life, I Was of the opinion we get to know each other....and I greatfull for that that I over stood my grounds on that.
I cried n wept but I know it’s the best choice of my life!!!

2. You love her more than she loves u. Why it’s true it’s good for a man to love a woman very well and sometimes they say even more than she loves him....you must be sure she at least has 70% of what u feel for her....else she would treat you anyhow ooo....except over time and experience she gets to see that u are a good guy and begin to value u.

3. No doubt she is quite rude. So sorry to say. Because that tone is not even one that would bring peace. Even if you are bossy to her...it’s not by her being bossy in addressing the issue that would solve it.
Her tone is not one of love....that is crying desperately for a bossy husband to stop as she can’t stand it anymore and would likely quit if he doesn’t.

How did u guys date for 5 years and not get to be friends
Or fully understand each other
Was it 5 years or 5 months?

I don’t know the solution ...what I can identify here though is the problem�

Well my solution is that if you want the marriage to work you would need to sacrifice more as it’s obvious you are the one that loves her more for you to have said the marriage be rushed.
Just ignore her rudeness, do what you are to do, play your role, Love and gentleness in most time calms a lady....our conscience tells us to act better as we get to know it’s only a man that loves us that has come so low to take our bullshit and we just get to know that we just have to treat him right over time.

But if you keep fighting same way with a loud mouthed lady...you won’t make progress...
Resentment would only just Set in deeper and deeper!!!

So the ball is in your court,
Is the marriage worth fighting for?

This spirit is the same spirit that will keep you single for life or make your life miserable

hybrid77:
Pls i need a sincere advice here.

Im 3 months old in marriage and im so unhappy about the set up (my wife too)

My wife is a student and she tried everything to shift the marriage until easter this year but i refused due to many projects for the year. so we got married 3 months ago.

I took care of her bills since she got admission and we dated for 5 years

But she is so disrespectful and want to make important decisions in marriage which ive refused to allow.

Now, she claims i forced her into marriage and she is not mentally ready because i asked her to change to my family's name.

She has been good then bad then worse..And i think her words about forcing her into marriage has irreparably hurt me.

I spent over 3m of my cash to give her the wedding she wanted (Without any support from her family) against my wish for a 1m wedding.

And despite getting the big wedding she wants before consenting to marry last year, she claims she is not mentally ready and was forced into marriage.

she has repeated this over and over and its making me go crazy..in fact im tired already

Right now she wants more time to be a wife..but im beginning to feel there is a love issue here..I feel she does not love me as she always claims

Though weve settled but we dont talk as usual..we dont even want to hear from each other...

it seems i nolonger love her like i used to..And worst still, continuing with the marriage when she claims she was forced is degrading and disreputable.

My question is, at what point should anyone seriously consider a divorce?

She doesn't love you one bit. If you love or mind some sanity in your life, break up the marriage now.

Lite..

Sonnyboom:
Hybrid77, @ the emboldened quote. if your wife is saint Mary I don't want to know she's only eager to get fucqed outside your union that is the only common denominator that give women the audacity to walk out of a financially buoyant relationship. All those talk of rushing her into marriage, self independence na smokescreen.

Quick chip, I once dated a girl for 7 years taking care of her tuition n all, I proposed after graduation n she queried if I want to force her into marriage. In disbelieve I instantly disclosed I am entitled to that but luckily for me I didn't force it. I simply had friends in Leed city n accommodation I got for her who were kind enough to provide briefings on her daily sexcapede. If your girl reasoning is any different from exploring a dic you do not know about or intending new dics I will be dammed.

Your best bet is to count your loss n those singing your are too assertive, let them know a man don't just go about being assertive, you increase the level of assertiveness in response to perceived uncompromising disposition. If I have a wife who think I should look away when all her friends are men she should also not have a problem when the only people I chat with on Instagram are females.

My 2 cent.

Ọ dịkwa egwu.
So, how did it end?

Can someone help to clarify this issue for me, how can somebody in his right senses prefer to be a Boss to his wife than a friend and companion? I feel such a person is not well upstairs. Many men these days will keep reminding women that they are the Boss, why should I marry my Boss for God sake? that's the last person on earth that I would want to share my life with but I would marry my friend any day. OP, lower your pride, stop being bossy, you're using your hand to destroy your marriage, your wife is resisting because she's a human being and she wants to be treated as such. It's only a desperate lady or a villager that will allow you to manipulate and boss her like you're doing but after a while the woman will still find a way of dealing with you if you continue your bossiness. Stop it, be a friend and companion to her, listen when she talks and share your life with her. If you're nice to her, she will submit willingly, good luck

This one pass me o.

hybrid77:
Pls i need a sincere advice here.

Im 3 months old in marriage and im so unhappy about the set up (my wife too)

My wife is a student and she tried everything to shift the marriage until easter this year but i refused due to many projects for the year. so we got married 3 months ago.

I took care of her bills since she got admission and we dated for 5 years

But she is so disrespectful and want to make important decisions in marriage which ive refused to allow.

Now, she claims i forced her into marriage and she is not mentally ready because i asked her to change to my family's name.

She has been good then bad then worse..And i think her words about forcing her into marriage has irreparably hurt me.

I spent over 3m of my cash to give her the wedding she wanted (Without any support from her family) against my wish for a 1m wedding.

And despite getting the big wedding she wants before consenting to marry last year, she claims she is not mentally ready and was forced into marriage.

she has repeated this over and over and its making me go crazy..in fact im tired already

Right now she wants more time to be a wife..but im beginning to feel there is a love issue here..I feel she does not love me as she always claims

Though weve settled but we dont talk as usual..we dont even want to hear from each other...

it seems i nolonger love her like i used to..And worst still, continuing with the marriage when she claims she was forced is degrading and disreputable.

My question is, at what point should anyone seriously consider a divorce?

Pls seek the advice of elderly marriage counsellors... before you give up finally.
I beg of you!

This is why me I no dey pity women nowadays. They prefer to be a hoe than to marry.
At 30 and above , they will now be desperate to marry. Who will marry expired products.

To my own end, i desist divorce in marriage. Sit her down, talk, trash things that has possibly course problem. If you cannot manage a woman ,it shows you’re not strategically upright. Women are conundrum in nature. Twist the code and win the game. Go get your wife back.

Shalom!

I'm of the opinion that should marry mature ladies, not small girls. The former is ready, and most likely bring value.
These small girls still have eyes outside.
Count your loses

hybrid77

The first year is marriage is usually very hard as both of you are still thinking as indepedents adults and not one.

Don't rush into a divorce. You'd be surprised that in 3 years time, you might be laughing over this.

Your wife needs to learn that you're the head and she must learn to respect you. Learn however to command respect and nor demand it. You have to learn how to walk away, how to give in for peace to reign. You need to show inner strength and maturity.

People and things grow on you. Just like when you were young and wish you could strangle your siblings but now you are tighter than ever with any of them. There's like an unbreakable bond
with them. It's part of the growing up process.

In years to come, she might regret the words she said and even apologize. Even if she does not apologize, the body language would show she's sorry. Again, we haven't heard her side.

There are many regrets I have today and wish I had listened or thought otherwise years ago. No one is born perfect.

I feel u guys shld go on a vacation ... it’s too early to start having problems
Wen she is free in school, u guys shld go on a vacation... during that period talk, shout, cry, love, argue, pray but u guys shld make sure u settle ur problems

Op u are your own problem. Being a husband/head of the house does not mean dishing out orders.

Leadership is the ability to successfully manage your family peacefully through dialogue.

U better stop being a dictator and learn how to dialogue with your wife. If u divorce her your next marriage will be worse. You say she's disrespectful but even her messages shows her loyalty to u.

hybrid77:



Im a medical doctor

Bro. Sincerely you need to be patient. I say be patient! It seems you're bossy. Guy you cannot afford to be bossy in marriage. I once tried that and I got my fingers burnt. Marriage is companionship. She's not your Slave and she has her own life and opinions even before getting married to you.

Make things up with your wife. Make your marriage work. It's up to you. Divorce is a only a last resort. It's too early to begin to think about it.

Oga, no divorce your wife. Believe me, Satan is real, and he doesn't want any one's peace of mind. He enters through one person, and it takes another to calm everything down through prayer.

This is still a young marriage, there must be challenges. You're the man and you know what you've ever wanted in a woman. Build your wife to that your dream woman, allow her take some decisions ( we always feel among that way, you know), work with those decisions, if it fails, make her see reasons( with love). It's a one step at a time bro, learn to communicate with your wife, be a realist and things will normalise.

Don't ever think of divorce.

hybrid77:
Pls i need a sincere advice here.

Im 3 months old in marriage and im so unhappy about the set up (my wife too)

My wife is a student and she tried everything to shift the marriage until easter this year but i refused due to many projects for the year. so we got married 3 months ago.

I took care of her bills since she got admission and we dated for 5 years

But she is so disrespectful and want to make important decisions in marriage which ive refused to allow.

Now, she claims i forced her into marriage and she is not mentally ready because i asked her to change to my family's name.

She has been good then bad then worse..And i think her words about forcing her into marriage has irreparably hurt me.

I spent over 3m of my cash to give her the wedding she wanted (Without any support from her family) against my wish for a 1m wedding.

And despite getting the big wedding she wants before consenting to marry last year, she claims she is not mentally ready and was forced into marriage.

she has repeated this over and over and its making me go crazy..in fact im tired already

Right now she wants more time to be a wife..but im beginning to feel there is a love issue here..I feel she does not love me as she always claims

Though weve settled but we dont talk as usual..we dont even want to hear from each other...

it seems i nolonger love her like i used to..And worst still, continuing with the marriage when she claims she was forced is degrading and disreputable.

My question is, at what point should anyone seriously consider a divorce?

she's up to something. Loves yoyr money. And still have memory of her boy friends mate at school, if not still into. 3 months assume Noo kids. Never manage marriage but manage life

lexy2014:


Look at this:

"You tot she loved you while she was only using you to aquire her education, and you being deceived decided to take it to next level even when that was not her mission (get married to you)."

This is definite. Its not probability or speculations. U don't need to advise me to give them room cos my actions or inactions on nairaland doesn't affect d outcome of d marriage. I only followed ur line of reasoning which was going in two opposite directions

Wait o! R u not d guy that the bride's father wanted to sponsor the wedding but you refused?

Every day, someone must hear something about somebody planning to leave matrimonial home after few months of marriage.
Abeg Courting no b child's play o. All this would v been avoided if u had observed your partner truly during courtship and also put it to the Lord in prayer.
Always put the Lord first when u r ready for marriage. Love can mislead most times.
Even when u d found d ryt pesin, make una discuss all forseen future plans and take a neutral stand that would benefit each other.
MAY THE LORD FRANT YOU THE UNDERSTANDING TO SOLVE YOUR MARITAL ISSUES....AMEN

PEACE OUT

Petyprincess:
The truth is your wife doesn't love you no more or never loved you!! Moreover why did you forced her into marriage with you? That's where the problem started.Nw the best way is to go your separate ways since the marriage is even early nd she's already gotten fed up with you,nw that you have no kids you still can still divorce nd let her continue her single life since that's what she always wanted!! If you dnt divorce she will keep on blaming you for forcing her into marriage when she wasn't ready.Its better divorcing that getting stalked in marriage that love isnt mutual!!

God!!!

after spending 3m plus sponsoring her education?

inside life

I feel for you my brother.The singer said "the choice I made did not work out the way I thought it would". He's mother replied him " Its not easy to understand it son but I hope you will make you, you will be happy after all". Get you self happy. Don't choke yourself up. Its complicated out there, yes marriage is complicated. Everyone still leaving under thesame roof with their spouse is make their marriage work. You too can make it work.

Glory to God for the eye opener.

She have her own agenda which is clearly different from yours. Whatever it is only God knows.

You have spent money this I know. Dating a lady for 5year it takes money. Dating a lady who is in school that takes more money. Doing a wedding in Nigeria that is more more money.lol

Now you want value for you spendings. You want her as a wife, you want her to be submissive, you want her to bear your name, You want her to love and respect you but all you get is blame ( You forced me I was not mentally ready, My mother is talking like you agent). Now her family who collect your money for bride price can go to hell.

I will leave you with this prayer point. Lord turn the agenda of my wife concerning our marriage into foolishness. When this happens she be loyal to you forever. How will this prayer be answered? she may fall into error but you must be ready to forgive her when the time comes. All in the spirit of making marriage work.


I speak from experience. I am 3yrs and 3months in marriage with a 2yrs 4months old daughter and a 7months old son. I got married to a lady I met during my NYSC she was a student nurse while I was a corper. it ended after NYSC. I went to look for her after six years and propose marriage. She was in 300l doing a BNSc program. In ten months we got wedded. Later came to find out she has her own agenda but God soon turned it into foolish and disgrace. It was not easy despite I am a pastor filled with the Holy ghost. Today she has graduated and done with NYSC. She presently take care of our 2kids.

Dem force you enter am...

Randy100:
Divorce is the surest thing now but since you don waste all your money on her get her pregnant so that you don't loose too much.

Lol, is this a good advice? Please, be careful with your so called wife, I doubt her love for you, just three month into the marriage and she sending such messages to you? Am sorry, your case is highly pathetic, but don't consider a divorce.

Fact.

Petyprincess:
The truth is your wife doesn't love you no more or never loved you!! Moreover why did you forced her into marriage with you? That's where the problem started.Nw the best way is to go your separate ways since the marriage is even early nd she's already gotten fed up with you,nw that you have no kids you still can still divorce nd let her continue her single life since that's what she always wanted!! If you dnt divorce she will keep on blaming you for forcing her into marriage when she wasn't ready.Its better divorcing that getting stalked in marriage that love isnt mutual!!

Shugavee:
I love the fact u posted her messages ,, gives us a better scope of whats going on.

She’s not a bad person or wife,, she just feel trapped , n my dear u caused it ,, give her the freedom to express herself .. this world is evolving , women wanna feel important, women wanna make their own money and women wanna make vital decisions in their home.. give her some space ,, allow her breath ,, she’s shocked up with ur bossy attitude that’s why she’s saying hurtful stuff n that’s normal for women ,, our mouth r deadly weapons. Be strong !! Be a man !!! Divorce is not an option.. this is a matter of talking n hving a common ground on how the home will work peacefully.. leave I am a man out of this.. u didn’t marry a desperate girl !! U married a lady that had so much dreams ,, don’t trap her..

Rubbish!! Gibberish!! An inexcusable attitude for display of bad behaviour.

God didn't create a monster, I refuse to believe this narrative.

Any woman who tries that in my house should be ready to leave. Imagine the excuse for terrible behaviour!!

The earlier you trash things out with her the better. Nothing will change, just face it as a man. The outcome may not be pleasant but it's better now than later.

iLegendd:
Weak men with money always think women are meant to be forced to marriage because they have money.

I have told men there are three things they need to master before marriage, else they will regret.

1. Handle women skill
2. Make money skill
3. Manage money skill

You probably have skill 2 and 3, but you lack skill 1 and trust me, any man who lacks skill 1 will live a life of regrets.

Allow her to go. The mistake is 100% from you, not her.

Though, if she goes, she'll come back in the future pleading. If she doesn't go, she'll cheat behind your back whether you like it or not.

So, choose what you want. Letting her go is the better option.

You need to add “manage your health skill” bro.