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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Leaving Alone As A Single Lady (9117 Views)
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Re: Leaving Alone As A Single Lady by bukatyne(f): 5:15am On Feb 04, 2020 |
@cityqueengirl: A lady living alone has myth and stereotype attached to it. This is reinforced or dismissed depending on the circle you roll with. If you are surrounded by traditionally minded men, they will reinforce the stereotype same with owning a ride as a single lady. Now I think about it, a lot of my colleagues lived with parents /relatives until they got married. I lived alone however, I was with my husband. Even then, his colleague tried to dissuade him inciting how single working class ladies are bla bla bla. Not surprisingly, he was sleeping around hence projecting on me. As a lady living alone, you also need to conduct yourself properly so you don't pass negative signals to your neighbors and love interests. That you live alone is not a license to invite every Tom, Dick and Harry to your house. Infact, you should not be inviting men to your house alone. Be friendly however firm and principled in the neighborhood. As regards your current boyfriend, he is insecure digging up your previous posts and chasing shadows. It is worthy to note he started in the middle of the relationship. Interestingly, you are not content with what your guy can give you and interested in public appearances. Your guy said he couldn't not afford to take you out because he had not been paid. You did not tell him to prepare to celebrate a belated birthday: you sent money to his account so he can take you out. If you wanted to celebrate so bad, you should have bought ingridents and made a fantastic meal at home and tell him he is owing you an outing if you are inclined. Another reason why he might be digging might be that he thinks you are settling for him(a guy with not much because your are getting older) and played the field in your younger days. If he is no longer interested in you, don't force it. Learn your lessons and move on. 1 Like |
Re: Leaving Alone As A Single Lady by ZIMDRILL(m): 6:14am On Feb 04, 2020 |
bukatyne: as people we trapped each other out so called love or being a man i will focus on an abusive scenario and pride one 1 A man will claim to look after you, who doesnt want to be looked after but there is a danger, whoever supplies your needs and wants can control you aka being abusive. So the greedynes of seating and not working can be used against 2 The title of being a man can also burn you, you married her and promised that you take care of everything and the money she works is hers. Then down the line misfortunes pop in you salary nolonger sustain the family, will you swallow your pride and ask wife to also put the money on the family table!!, the money you once said she can keep it and do whatever she wants with it ? So some men feel powerless if a woman is able to cater for her own needs and wants. |
Re: Leaving Alone As A Single Lady by Mobree: 6:26am On Feb 04, 2020 |
JasonScoolari: Hmmmmm... I hope you'll take the same stand when some boys come here to say they paid their babe's school fees and her rent blah blah blahhhh Besides, she is free to say what she wants, it's her story you know. You pick your facts, advise her and move on. 8 Likes |
Re: Leaving Alone As A Single Lady by Mobree: 6:30am On Feb 04, 2020 |
Gaggi: I get your point... but then, it's not fair to judge working women who live alone by what bored students do in school. Plus, where the time dey? Sha iz when somebody has been in traffic from 6pm till 10pm that she'll have the energy ni loooool Cut working women some slack abeg. It's not easy |
Re: Leaving Alone As A Single Lady by awakeuche(m): 6:34am On Feb 04, 2020 |
You're dating the wrong men, my ex is 25 years old, works in a bank and leaves alone, she also makes her own money ''Alot of fucking money'' More than I do. We dated for 2 years and would have gotten married if not for our blood group. Anyway, I feel you have yet to meet confident men who don't give a rat's ass about your money or class, men who just loves you without the jealous drama. 2 Likes |
Re: Leaving Alone As A Single Lady by TonyeBarcanista(m): 7:54am On Feb 04, 2020 |
Cityqueengirl: In July 2018, I moved to my own apartment. Now the problems is, men I meet are either after something else or just want to be eating my food or collecting money from me. The ones that are a sane: have trust issues. You are the architect of your own problem. Beside, I am very sure you aren't saying the complete truth. All my life I had only get to keep a single man at a time unlike most of other ladies around me. I am starting to believe the adage "don't keep all your eggs in one basket". I am thinking putting all my thoughts and hope in a single man while trying to settle down is a mistake.Your business Ma 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Leaving Alone As A Single Lady by Kingrexyl(m): 8:03am On Feb 04, 2020 |
Mineisgrace:You must be very greedy, the kind of girl I hate with a passion, you can't be eating my money and won't expect me to eat yours. besides this is why I like white girls they are just too simple. |
Re: Leaving Alone As A Single Lady by tiswell(m): 8:25am On Feb 04, 2020 |
kunleweb:Have you heard from the brother? Believe these ladies at your own peril. 4 Likes
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Re: Leaving Alone As A Single Lady by Stillthebest: 8:33am On Feb 04, 2020 |
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Re: Leaving Alone As A Single Lady by TonyeBarcanista(m): 8:40am On Feb 04, 2020 |
MRcocaFanta:The emboldened is pure nonsense (with due respect sir)! A strong man is the man that lives to his conviction. He is not conditioned to accept things because he needs validation of people to be called a strong and real man. As for the OP, I believe that she is economical with the truth. There is something that is missing in her story. She can't expect her bf to trust her blankly without earning it. I suspect that he must have seen some conversation on her chats; and this promoted him to further investigate her. I also think that her action and "friendship" with other guys fuelled his action more. I don't care what people think but I don't see what the man does as evidence of being insecure! In fact, any action taken by any man to safeguard his mental and emotional wellbeing is welcomed as long as it doesn't infringe on the right of the other party. It is left for the woman to clear his doubt (if indeed she has nothing to hide) or ship offfffffff! Finally, no REAL man would allow himself to be blackmailed with "Insecure" tag 10 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Leaving Alone As A Single Lady by eyinjuege: 9:07am On Feb 04, 2020 |
Do not cast your pearls before swine. |
Re: Leaving Alone As A Single Lady by dominique(f): 9:33am On Feb 04, 2020 |
JasonScoolari: Men post about how they spend on their girlfriends all the time, do they do this to deflate the girl's ego? If it's ok for a man to write an how much he spends or has spent on a woman, why is it now a shameful thing for a woman to do the same? 7 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: Leaving Alone As A Single Lady by oyoolima: 10:09am On Feb 04, 2020 |
@cityqueengirl Check if he has hacked your WhatsApp. A lot of people here give advice for hacking it,so they receive and can read every information you also receive on your phone. Serious invasion of privacy. |
Re: Leaving Alone As A Single Lady by efewizey(m): 10:16am On Feb 04, 2020 |
Date men that has their own houses and money. Doesn't make you a gold digger. There are single men out their interested in serious relationships. Just that you pipo want dangotes son 2 Likes |
Re: Leaving Alone As A Single Lady by ecstasy357(m): 10:17am On Feb 04, 2020 |
Cityqueengirl: I'm sorry dear...you are meeting the wrong kind of men. This particular guy is toxic and will not give you a good home when you're married. It is best you do the needful now. The kinda energy you emanate is what's attracting those kind of guys. What you need do now is focus on being the best version of your self...financially, spiritually, intellectually and don't forget to have fun and be happy. God will grant you your heart desires soonest. Amen |
Re: Leaving Alone As A Single Lady by obinoral1179(m): 11:19am On Feb 04, 2020 |
JasonScoolari:the dude is feeling insecure, why dig up old post just to spite her also and that cannot give his gf a gift on her birthday even after post birthday is that one a bf.... 1 Like |
Re: Leaving Alone As A Single Lady by obinoral1179(m): 11:20am On Feb 04, 2020 |
Cityqueengirl:Run from that guy, build yourself and the right man will come. |
Re: Leaving Alone As A Single Lady by thorpido(m): 11:21am On Feb 04, 2020 |
Quelme:So just one correction of grammatical error translates to 'grammatical pedantry syndrome'? It is not everything your lecturer just taught you in school that you must use for every situation! ![]() 3 Likes |
Re: Leaving Alone As A Single Lady by Nobody: 12:37pm On Feb 04, 2020 |
Mobree:I'm not judging or anything. I'm just saying some memories do stick. Most men will feel more at ease knowing a lady is in her fathers house at 12am rather than being in a man's house or in a club. Personally, I hardly let such things bother me. People will always find a way to misbehave if they want to. |
Re: Leaving Alone As A Single Lady by Mobree: 12:53pm On Feb 04, 2020 |
Gaggi: Now that is the point! |
Re: Leaving Alone As A Single Lady by Nnemuka(f): 3:55pm On Feb 04, 2020 |
Mobree:For where, let this be the story of a guy saying he spent 1naira on a girl and watch how the entire nairalanders will descend on all ladies laying curses and recounting their ordeals. This is how our society works, anything to silence women. 4 Likes |
Re: Leaving Alone As A Single Lady by Belafonte(m): 8:59pm On Feb 04, 2020 |
Nigerians have grills on their doors and windows because they feel insecure without these contrapments. Car trackers are a necessity when buying a car because car owners feel insecure with the spate of car thefts going on. Insecurity is a natural response to an anomaly in the environment. If her boyfriend feels insecure, perhaps, she may have greatly contributed to that mindset. What kinds of calls does she receive from men? How frequent are these calls? Is another man popping up too frequently in their conversations? These are factors that can lead to feelings of insecurity. 2 Likes |
Re: Leaving Alone As A Single Lady by Alooone: 9:18pm On Feb 04, 2020 |
Your mum advised you with the wisdom of elders but you didn't listen.... 70% of what you are facing now is because you are living alone...this is just the beginning. Is when you now want to get married you will know how far |
Re: Leaving Alone As A Single Lady by bukatyne(f): 9:22pm On Feb 04, 2020 |
ZIMDRILL: Which is why a lady needs to know herself and understand the man she is with. |
Re: Leaving Alone As A Single Lady by StPete: 9:34pm On Feb 04, 2020 |
kunleweb: Oga na for person thread u dey play love?? I tire for your mata o ![]() |
Re: Leaving Alone As A Single Lady by Nobody: 4:01am On Feb 05, 2020 |
TonyeBarcanista:You are right and we are saying the same thing. I am not saying a strong man needs validation from people to prove that he is a real man. What I'm saying is that in relationships and when it comes to Marriage, A real and a strong man prefers an equally strong and independent woman, not because he needs validation, but because he wants to be sure that he has got a backbone. Now for example, you see the reality of today where the rich Marries the rich is different from the fantasy of movies where the rich Marries the poor. Now for example again, is if not better for you 'Toyin, to marry a strong, independent and loyal woman that won't love you because of your money, than to marry a weak not so exposed lady that her decisions in being with you is 50% influenced by money. This was exactly what i meant. 1 Like |
Re: Leaving Alone As A Single Lady by TonyeBarcanista(m): 6:09am On Feb 05, 2020 |
MRcocaFanta:This is what I still believe is mere rhetorical. A real and strong man is one that lives according to his conviction. He may prefer independent or dependent woman, that is strictly his prerogative. The society or anyone else cannot define attributes of real man as it is subjective. Every man that is real to himself is a real man irrespective of what the society thinks Now for example, you see the reality of today where the rich Marries the rich is different from the fantasy of movies where the rich Marries the poor.My brother, classism has always been with humans since time immemorial, it will not change. However, not everyone is aligned to classism- I for instance, I am not a fan of it! Whether a woman is independent or not it doesn't define her loyalty. Loyal people are loyal irrespective of their financial power, likewise disloyal people. This Real man thing is a ploy by the society to blackmail and cajole men into living by society standard irrespective of their conviction 3 Likes |
Re: Leaving Alone As A Single Lady by Nobody: 6:25am On Feb 05, 2020 |
TonyeBarcanista:True you are right. But you know we live in a world where money can be used to destroy relationships. Now my point is that they say everyone has a price, irrespective of loyalty or not . Do you think, it's easy for a loyal Beyonce to JayZ to be talked out of his relationship with JayZ because a richer man comes along? It's almost impossible. But very much possible for a chioma to be financially talked out of her own relationship with Davido when a richer man comes along. Knowingly fully well that both Beyonce and chioma are loyal but the difference is that Beyonce has her own money and independent but chioma is not. |
Re: Leaving Alone As A Single Lady by annex1: 7:02am On Feb 05, 2020 |
You ladies who give guys money, where are your location(s)? Do have an annual meeting where yall wear the same Aso-ebi? Perhaps you have same interests, hobbies? I just need psychographics that's all. If you gave him that money anonymously, would he still have taken you out for birthday dinner? No! A man who doesn't contribute to your wellbeing or upkeep but has time to geek up, hack and unravel facebook posts from 2017. Well, 14th is around the corner, I am guessing he still has not been paid and you'll surely want to eat out that day. It's best to start saving the money you'll send him to implement that. 1 Like |
Re: Leaving Alone As A Single Lady by TonyeBarcanista(m): 7:10am On Feb 05, 2020 |
MRcocaFanta:The personality, character and attitude of the individuals to money defines whether the relationship can be destroyed by money when it warrants. Now my point is that they say everyone has a price, irrespective of loyalty or not .That narrative is flawed! It is not everyone that has price tag. Money is good but never the ultimate. It can give you the ability of living "good life" (note the quotation marks) but can never guarantee satisfaction nor buy loyalty. Do you think, it's easy for a loyal Beyonce to JayZ to be talked out of his relationship with JayZ because a richer man comes along?I don't know Beyonce or Jay Z beyond what they put up in the media. Beyonce will likely sway for another richer man if her motivation for relationship with Jay Z is anchored on "money" and material things irrespective of her financial power. It's almost impossible. But very much possible for a chioma to be financially talked out of her own relationship with Davido when a richer man comes along.This is assumptive! You don't know Chioma nor her motivation for her relationship with Davido. Only she knows herself! But if it isn't anchored on money and material things, then it will be impossible to sway her using money as tool! Knowingly fully well that both Beyonce and chioma are loyal but the difference is that Beyonce has her own money and independent but chioma is not.Forget about this narrative. People are loyal because they are loyal not because they are rich or poor. Every individual knows himself! He knows his motivation in life! I think I have said enough on this... 1 Like |
Re: Leaving Alone As A Single Lady by Nobody: 7:13am On Feb 05, 2020 |
They won't be coming to your apartment if you aren't letting them. |
Re: Leaving Alone As A Single Lady by kunleweb: 7:57am On Feb 05, 2020 |
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