Good morning my fellow Nairalanders, I will try to make my story brief and precise.... I have a fiancée whom I am already engaged to. As a matter of fact I have already done all our traditional marriage and rites the only thing left is our white wedding which will be coming up in the next 3 weeks.

Yesterday, my fiancée came to visit me in my house so as to discuss our wedding plans. But before she left, we had a slight misunderstanding and the reason for our misunderstanding was because I allocated 50% of our wedding expenses to her i.e (she would be the one to sew her wedding gown, pay for the catering service amongst others) while I take care of other expenses...

On hearing this, she didn't even utter a word but left with annoyance, since then I have been trying to call her but she hasn't been picking my calls neither have she replied any of my messages....

Please I need your advice, did I do or say anything wrong, because I know how much I spent during our traditional marriage rite and mind you, she earns close to 200k per month.... Insult in form of advice is allowed all I need is just your advice.

She’s earning 200K monthly
Where she dey work?



Assuming this story is legit, her 3 months salary should cover for her gown and the catering. But, that doesn’t mean you have to impose that on her unless she forced you to marry her.

No one is forcing you to wed. if you don’t have the funds for that, since you’re done with the traditional wedding and rites, go to any magistrate court close to you and certify your wedding.

I don’t even know who brought this issue of white wedding to Africans.

Sisi. Go and meet her in person.


How do you expect people to give you advice when you're the one doing the marrying?


Sissies everywhere. You need counsel on how to speak with someone you want to get married to. What a sissy

Traditionally, a man is the chief sponsor of any wedding ceremony while the woman supports in a way she can. Reason, it's expected a man goes into marriage when financially stable and ready.

Allocating 50% to her passed a message that you'll be a type of husband who will be after the statistics of the wife's earning and spending. You sure wouldn't have done what you did if you hadn't any knowledge of her earning, you acted because you know her earning and that's a red flag for Nigerian ladies, because they don't like dragging and equal responsibilities in a home.

You don't go direct when you want a woman to contribute financially to something. You go Tactically[Not imposing, but asking how and where she can take care of, she'll choose, no matter the percentage of her choice, you lock up, keep the planning going, pretend like you are cool and then sketch out a personal plan of how to act worried and restless before her, she'll wanna know the problem, act like you wanna hide it from her, she'll be worried and pissed that you are hiding things from her, then you'll come up with a story and open up that you are facing financial crisis and don't know how to sort some things out concerning the wedding, she'll willingly help with pity without seeing you as a stingy or mean person]

No be everything dem dey form mancho, you go dey use your head.

You've spent on traditional wedding and for that not to be a total waste, kindly go and meet her, reason with her and go tactical, not directly with authority.

Happy married life in advance!

If u are not financially strong dont carry out some projects u cant complete...u acted cos u know how much she earns...what if she has no job?..learn to sew ur clothe according to ur size...u,how much do u earn?

am self employed.

Davash222:

No one is forcing you to wed. if you don’t have the funds for that, since you’re done with the traditional wedding and rites, go to any magistrate court close to you and certify your wedding.

Excuse me. Please is there anything even remotely wrong with her contributing to her own wedding? Should this even be a problem at all? It will be interesting to know why the woman in question is angry.

Somehow I detest selfish, entitled and unreasonable people. Shee earns 200k which is a whole lot of money given the economic realities of the time yet she won't want to be a financial partaker. When it suits them, they become equality advocates, other times they conveniently turn a blind eye.

I read where some of them were rambling incoherently on how they don't want their in-laws in their house. This is same women that bring all their family and ancestral problems to the man the moment he proposes.

Quite disturbing.

That is how the woman would pay most of the wedding bills and household bills, tomorrow they would wake up and say
"Get out of my house"
"I used my money to marry you"
"You don't have a say in this house"
"Your place is in the kitchen, etc
I hope you have also imposed half of the house work and child care on your self, the way you have imposed half of the wedding bills on her
This is the reality of a lot of married women in this country. They inherit more than half of the bills in the family, none of the equality, all of the chores, none of the respect etc.
Tomorrow, this one would impose his family on the woman wait on hands and feet, they would never tell the truth about how the bag of rice his family is swallowing was bought by the woman o
If only their ego was directly proportional to their finances. E for good o.

Brazenbabe:
That is how the woman would pay most of the wedding bills and household bills, tomorrow they would wake up and say
"Get out of my house"
"I used my money to marry you"
"You don't have a say in this house"
"Your place is in the kitchen, etc
I hope you have also imposed half of the house work and child care on your self, the way you have imposed half of the wedding bills on her
This is the reality of a lot of married women in this country. They inherit more than half of the bills in the family, none of the equality, all of the chores, none of the respect etc.
Tomorrow, this one would impose his family on the woman wait on hands and feet, they would never tell the truth about how the bag of rice his family is swallowing was bought by the woman o
If only their ego was directly proportional to their finances. E for good o.

So what's your point?

The beginning of my brother's problem was getting involved in an expensive wedding. So listen if you dont have the funds for the so called [b]white wedding [/b]wait. when she is worried that the wedding has not be done yet you tell her the fund is not available since she dont want to carry the burden with you. although i feel[i] 50%[/i] percent is kinda of much sha the best would have been to find out areas she can assist you with who knows she can do more the said 50% but all join

sylvestersamuel:
Good morning my fellow nairalanders, i will try to make my story brief and precise.... i have a fiance whom i am already engaged to, as a matter of fact i have already done all our traditional marriage and rites the only thing left is our white wedding which will be coming up in the next 3 weeks.
yesterday, my fiance came to visit me in my house so as to discuss on our wedding plans. but before she left, we had a slight misunderstanding and the reason for our misunderstanding was because i allocated 50% of our wedding expenses to her i.e (she would be the one to sew her wedding gown, pay for the catering service amongst others) while i take care of other expenses.... on hearing this, she didn't even utter a word but left with annoyance, since then i have been trying to call her but she hasn't been picking my calls neither have she replied any of my messages....please i need your advice, did i do or say anything wrong, because i know how much i spent during our traditional marriage rite and mind you, she earns close to 200k per month.... insult in form of advice is allowed all i need is just your advice.

u don deal with woman that way ....u scope her .u dont tell to foot the bills u get the total bill then form at if u are trying hard to gather the whole sum then she will see reason to assist even more than your expectations

creolehunt:


So what's your point?

My point is that you people are quick to share bills with your wives/fiances but never share the domestic responsibilities
You people are quick to say what you did for her but never say what they do for you
See how all of you are on the other thread saying your families come before your wife, bla bla bla
Will you also tell your families your wives pay at least half of the bills?
I thought Nigerian women contributed nothing to the household and lives of their husbands? Why are we now being asked to pay for weddings
Abi would the man agree to answer our surname?

I don't think this kind of discussion should lead to any sort of argument....
And moreover, is the traditional wedding not enough to make her your woman already?

sylvestersamuel:
.please i need your advice, did i do or say anything wrong, because i know how much i spent during our traditional marriage rite and mind you, she earns close to 200k per month....

You did nothing wrong. She should contribute, but I don't think people just spell out percentages like that.

Anyway, I will like to hear her side of the story. I believe there are other things you both discussed that is not captured here. Men play victim a lot.

He be like say PM NEWS don buy land for nairaland family section.
The story no de ever finish this days

Hajia Pocohantas has spoken, I have nothing more to add.


Women sef

sylvestersamuel:
Good morning my fellow nairalanders, i will try to make my story brief and precise.... i have a fiance whom i am already engaged to, as a matter of fact i have already done all our traditional marriage and rites the only thing left is our white wedding which will be coming up in the next 3 weeks.
yesterday, my fiance came to visit me in my house so as to discuss on our wedding plans. but before she left, we had a slight misunderstanding and the reason for our misunderstanding was because i allocated 50% of our wedding expenses to her i.e (she would be the one to sew her wedding gown, pay for the catering service amongst others) while i take care of other expenses.... on hearing this, she didn't even utter a word but left with annoyance, since then i have been trying to call her but she hasn't been picking my calls neither have she replied any of my messages....please i need your advice, did i do or say anything wrong, because i know how much i spent during our traditional marriage rite and mind you, she earns close to 200k per month.... insult in form of advice is allowed all i need is just your advice.

Your wife (YES, SHE IS YOUR WIFE ONCE YOU HAVE DONE THE FULL TRADITIONAL RITES) earns 180k per month. She complained you are doing well for yourself and you are very stingy. She said you asked her "what will you be doing with your money?"

Sylvester, you need Jesus.

Ishilove:

Your wife (YES, SHE IS YOUR WIFE ONCE YOU HAVE DONE THE FULL TRADITIONAL RITES) earns 180k per month. She complained you are doing well for yourself and you are very stingy. She said she you asked her "what will you be doing with your money?"

Sylvester, you need Jesus.

Well, that IS a good question. What will she be doing with her money?

She says husband is doing well for himself and is stingy, husband retorts with a poignant question about how she intends to use her earnings. Now, she doesn’t want to pick his calls. I think he knows she wants to spend his money and selfishly keep hers. She didn’t know he was stingy before accepting to marry him? Abi she thinks he’s doing well by spending money anyhow?

Is she submissive? Does she kneel down and greet him in the morning? Does she kneel when serving him food? . If she doesn’t, no problem. It only shows they are equal in the marriage. Again, what does she intend to do with her money?

Belafonte:


Well, that IS a good question. What will she be doing with her money?

She says husband is doing well for himself and is stingy, husband retorts with a poignant question about how she intends to use her earnings. Now, she doesn’t want to pick his calls. I think he knows she wants to spend his money and selfishly keep hers. She didn’t know he was stingy before accepting to marry him? Abi she thinks he’s doing well by spending money anyhow?

Is she submissive? Does she kneel down and greet him in the morning? Does she kneel when serving him food? . If she doesn’t, no problem. It only shows they are equal in the marriage. Again, what does she intend to do with her money?

In this 21st century?

You need deliverance

If she has something on her mind about what you said she definitely would have spoken to someone close to her about it. Try reaching out to her very close friend or family members and indirectly inquire if she said anything about it.

Ishilove:

In this 21st century?

You need deliverance

I always think you are very intelligent, but today, i can see you are just a typical naija lady with little knowledge... expected you to counter the guy with palpable points, but no, the feministic attitude would always find its way to show.. I'm referring to the bolded you quoted in the guy's post..

Mr Sylvester.... hear what I have to say
1. I like you for being Direct and straight to the point- unfortunately, women dont like that( atleast naija ladies)
2. I like you cos You dont pretend-unfortunately women dont like that( atleast naija ladies)
3. You believe in Gender Equality- women LIKE that( atleast naija ladies)
4. You believe in equality in Financial contributions- unfortunately women dont like that( atleast naija ladies)..

I dont have much to say, but
Follow Donstan18 advice..cos most of what I would have said is in the guy's post..

In addition to that... when dealing with women
1. Be more cunny
2. Dont be to raw and direct( in situation like this )
3. Always be atleast ONE move ahead of your wife( intelligent wise, money wise, smartness wise, exposure wise and all other positive things you could think of)..
.


.
Call people she respect and brief the matter to them, if she really loves you, she would come back...
But note that ,she certainly takes money above your love.. that's the bitter truth.....

Ishilove:

In this 21st century?

You need deliverance

Olden days wives didn’t work, they were submissive and their husbands were expected to cater to their needs.

Modern wives need not be submissive and they should be able to cater to their own needs.

What exactly should I be delivered from? Common sense?

Ishilove:

Your wife (YES, SHE IS YOUR WIFE ONCE YOU HAVE DONE THE FULL TRADITIONAL RITES) earns 180k per month. She complained you are doing well for yourself and you are very stingy. She said she you asked her "what will you be doing with your money?"

Sylvester, you need Jesus.

Do you know the lady?

Is it 3 weeks to the wedding she found out about this?

seanwilliam:
I always think you are very intelligent, but today, i can see you are just a typical naija lady with little knowledge... expected you to counter the guy with palpable points, but no, the feministic attitude would always find its way to show.. I'm referring to the bolded you quoted in the guy's post..

please stop dragging feminism to any argument on Nl

seanwilliam:
I always think you are very intelligent, but today, i can see you are just a typical naija lady with little knowledge... expected you to counter the guy with palpable points, but no, the feministic attitude would always find its way to show.. I'm referring to the bolded you quoted in the guy's post..

Okay.

See the issue posh wedding has caused?
So the years of love will be wasted just because of argument on wedding bills...

If my husband brings 5 million for wedding,i will use 4.5 million to start a business for myself and the 500k will be for the court wedding, light refreshment and traditional rites

Michellekabod2:
See the issue posh wedding has caused?
So the years of love will be wasted just because of argument on wedding bills...

If my husband brings 5 million for wedding,i will use 4.5 million to start a business for myself and the 500k will be for the court wedding, light refreshment and traditional rites

Soul sister

Brazenbabe:


My point is that you people are quick to share bills with your wives/fiances but never share the domestic responsibilities
You people are quick to say what you did for her but never say what they do for you
See how all of you are on the other thread saying your families come before your wife, bla bla bla
Will you also tell your families your wives pay at least half of the bills?
I thought Nigerian women contributed nothing to the household and lives of their husbands? Why are we now being asked to pay for weddings
Abi would the man agree to answer our surname?

Lol

Belafonte:


Olden days wives didn’t work, they were submissive and their husbands were expected to cater to their needs.

Modern wives need not be submissive and they should be able to cater to their own needs.

What exactly should I be delivered from? Common sense?

you have said it all..
1. you are submissive , I'll take your full responsibility.
2. You are not submissive, you take care of your responsibility
3. You want gender Equality, then we practice Equality in financial contributions too

Michellekabod2:
please stop dragging feminism to any argument on Nl

if it was not necessary, I wouldn't mention it

seanwilliam:
you have said it all..
1. you are submissive , I'll take your full responsibility.
2. You are not submissive, you take care of your responsibility
3. You want gender Equality, then we practice Equality in financial contributions too

And equality as regards everything domestic in their home, cooking, cleaning etc. since they're already sharing wedding bills equally.

@OP, If you can't afford a big wedding, let her know if she's the type who loves big weddings. Why put yourself through unnecessary strain