victorian:









So true.

Most Nigerian men will not marry a lady if shes not successful in her career. They will only fucvk and go.
There are so many successful older ladies getting married these days to young men who works as well.

If you see any successful older lady who. Is yet to settle down, just know she's not ready to triple her financial responsibilities by marrying a man. She wants to just be on her own jeje, go on dates , enjoy the warmth then move on.

Marriage is one hell of a financial burden. Lol.


Na WA o

So why you never marry

Please go see your fiancee and apologize to her. What you did was very wrong. No matter how much she earns currently, allocating 50% of the expenses was very wrong in a wrong direction. Women are not the heads but subordinates. If she decides to take such responsibility then it's fine but giving her such responsibility only sent a wrong message to her. It's not late to settle your differences. I wish you all the best.

NELLY1990:
My dear I have seen where both couples will agree to put their money together but las las the husband will occupy all the spaces and tell the wife that he is the head of the home and she has no right to spend a dime. Is that fare? Or he will be the one to buy stuff for her but she can’t buy what she desires to buy. How about that?

As I said different strokes for different families. I believe we all know who our spouse are and can predict to some extent what they are capable of if no one is watching and conscience is out of the question. I use that same method and married for few years and I’ve not for once regretted it cox I married an economist/accountant who won’t pass budget on frivolities over needs.

You didn't do anything wrong o, but you should have put it open to her, so she will say what she want before you decide what you want.

Brazenbabe:
That is how the woman would pay most of the wedding bills and household bills, tomorrow they would wake up and say
"Get out of my house"
"I used my money to marry you"
"You don't have a say in this house"
"Your place is in the kitchen, etc
I hope you have also imposed half of the house work and child care on your self, the way you have imposed half of the wedding bills on her
This is the reality of a lot of married women in this country. They inherit more than half of the bills in the family, none of the equality, all of the chores, none of the respect etc.
Tomorrow, this one would impose his family on the woman wait on hands and feet, they would never tell the truth about how the bag of rice his family is swallowing was bought by the woman o
If only their ego was directly proportional to their finances. E for good o.

oga shut up marriage is btw 2 persons and it should be shared btw both families .op u make mistake...u were suppose to do the white while she takes care of the trad....na them go they shout feminist when they have nothing to offer..imagine a girl saying if my husband cheat I as his wife will cheat too fools when they didn't contribute a penny to d wedding them go they claim bragging right spits though I am against cheating I still remember that thread then

donstan18:
Traditionally, a man is the chief sponsor of any wedding ceremony while the woman supports in a way she can. Reason, it's expected a man goes into marriage when financially stable and ready.

Allocating 50% to her passed a message that you'll be a type of husband who will be after the statistics of the wife's earning and spending. You sure wouldn't have done what you did if you hadn't any knowledge of her earning, you acted because you know her earning and that's a red flag for Nigerian ladies, because they don't like dragging and equal responsibilities in a home.

You don't go direct when you want a woman to contribute financially to something. You go Tactically[Not imposing, but asking how and where she can take care of, she'll choose, no matter the percentage of her choice, you lock up, keep the planning going, pretend like you are cool and then sketch out a personal plan of how to act worried and restless before her, she'll wanna know the problem, act like you wanna hide it from her, she'll be worried and pissed that you are hiding things from her, then you'll come up with a story and open up that you are facing financial crisis and don't know how to sort some things out concerning the wedding, she'll willingly help with pity without seeing you as a stingy or mean person]

No be everything dem dey form mancho, you go dey use your head.

You've spent on traditional wedding and for that not to be a total waste, kindly go and meet her, reason with her and go tactical, not directly with authority.

Happy married life in advance!

you too much my dear, make sure you register as a marriage counseling tutor in your church. God bless you

joey150:


But you are using white man's type of phone and technology and religion and government and everything.

You black people are perplexing!!

Did you just write this? Comparing technology with tradition. How pathetic.

seanwilliam:
you have said it all..
1. you are submissive , I'll take your full responsibility.
2. You are not submissive, you take care of your responsibility
3. You want gender Equality, then we practice Equality in financial contributions too

Please, does your definition of gender equality also include your helping her with childbearing as she helps out with the finances because this area is one area women NEED help with.

Either men go with caesarian section or go with surrogacy( pay for the service) so their wives keep her shape, work hard and not sacrifice her promotions at work to create a family or risk her life.

When men especially Nigerian men start helping their wives with childbearing then gender equality will truly be equal, if not for now, it is not.

[quote author=Davash222 post=86449294]She’s earning 200K monthly
Where she dey work?



Assuming this story is legit, her 3 months salary should cover for her gown and the catering. But, that doesn’t mean you have to impose that on her unless she forced you to marry her.

No one is forcing you to wed. if you don’t have the funds for that, since you’re done with the traditional wedding and rites, go to any magistrate court close to you and certify your wedding.

I don’t even know who brought this issue of white wedding to Africans. [/quote

I totally disagree with you, marriage is not a one sided thing as you say, two people get married and if she's financially capable why not after all na woman dey use white boost to their friends, we men don't care about all that, so you're making a very wrong point maybe you just won type Sha....

If she can't contribute to the wedding just know that, all the expenses that will come in marriage is on your head (school fees, house rent, feeding) the only she will do is give money to her family, brother abeg go and collect your bride price she's not the one for you...

sylvestersamuel:
Good morning my fellow Nairalanders, I will try to make my story brief and precise.... I have a fiancée whom I am already engaged to. As a matter of fact I have already done all our traditional marriage and rites the only thing left is our white wedding which will be coming up in the next 3 weeks.

My brother, why waste of fund? Wedding today are sweeter than the marriages... cut coat according to cloth ! Dont create wrong foundation... might never end till end do you apart. What you cant take later dont introduce now. Women of today doesnt know marriage responsibilities aint for hubbies alone but base on understanding for the two as the country state "if they want progress". Your wife to be doesnt want to share billz but all on the man. When we are still alive, all billz on men [yet men are scum or we dont do anything. Man go still die, they will be by grave side crying and singing "my man dont sleep". When man go rest? Bye

larryking540:


Bros I will give u an. Advise my father who is still alive gave me


"Don't ever in this life or in the next life use your mouth to allocate any responsibility to a woman "

Reason is very simple



Be also ready to share your position as the man of the house with her or in a very simple English be ready to sell off your position as the man of the Hux to her ,,,,...

Plz simplify.

Just take this as the first test and lesson if you eventually get married. But she should pay her fair share. And I'm not saying 50-50 but you guys know what you're both earning and what is fair. But if you allow her to get away with this don't come here and complain ooo. Women are now earning as much as men in the workforce and sometimes even more. Yet many African women don't think they should contribute anything. They just want to save their own money while you will be stressing all your life about home finances and she has millions tucked somewhere. Some may not even help you when you're in financial stress or they see it as doing you a favor. This is the number one reason why many African men die early before their time. This is not Godly at all and I don't know where these idea came from. Some will even try to support their wickedness by saying they do all the chores and cooking. If you remove the man from the house for a month, come back to that house and see how many things will either be damaged, not working, bulbs burnt out and not replaced, sockets are broken, electronics not working, pump spoilt, faucet leaking, car broken down etc. Women never take the time to maintain these things. The thing is that there are gender roles in our culture.

My advice to you is to insist at this time. Otherwise, you'd be here soon complaining about how your wife went behind your back to use all the money she has saved to finish her own personal house while the family house project is stil pending.

sharone21:


Please, does your definition of gender equality also include your helping her with childbearing as she helps out with the finances because this area is one are women NEED help with.

Either men go with caesarian section or go with surrogacy( pay for the service) so their wives keeps her shape, work hard and not sacrifice her promotions at work to create a family or risk her life.

When men especially Nigerian men start helping their wives with childbearing then gender equality will truly be equal, if not for now, it is not.

You're talking trash. If you can't help your man financially then you're a GOLD DIGGER quote me anywhere anytime anyday. Bearing children is a gift to woman from GOD as well as a man's ability to impregnate a woman. And you think promotion at work is worth more than making family, if you're above 21 with these thoughts you need help. African women and money. Hanty you will make a terrible wife and I don't pray for my enemies to encounter your type. I JUMP AND PASS

I believe in equality of the sexes. Equality of power. Equality of responsibility. Equality of financial burden. The OP is very correct. Since she earns, she should bear an equitable share of the bills.

And yes, the op should also bear an equitable share of house chores

Brazenbabe:


My point is that you people are quick to share bills with your wives/fiances but never share the domestic responsibilities
You people are quick to say what you did for her but never say what they do for you
See how all of you are on the other thread saying your families come before your wife, bla bla bla
Will you also tell your families your wives pay at least half of the bills?
I thought Nigerian women contributed nothing to the household and lives of their husbands? Why are we now being asked to pay for weddings
Abi would the man agree to answer our surname?

Papanwamaikpe:
You go soon hit 40 no worry

When I hit 40 ,it's not the end of the world.

Genieve is in her 40s, she is still living life well , successful and looking younger everyday.

Not everyone can take the rubbish going on in marriages these days.

I can't anyways, I will pass on it, Biko.

I want to live long in peace and harmony not die in my prime because of naija man's attitude . I can't deal.

Jubilee1982:
Please go see your fiancee and apologize to her. What you did was very wrong. No matter how much she earns currently, allocating 50% of the expenses was very wrong in a wrong direction. Women are not the heads but subordinates. If she decides to take such responsibility then it's fine but giving her such responsibility only sent a wrong message to her. It's not late to settle your differences. I wish you all the best.

Apologize my foot, after all you done marry as the Bible and our tradition commends, if she wants an extravagant wedding let her have a fair share of the spoil, if not brother you're okay to make a family and forget the fucking white people wedding, the church is letting us forget that GOD created us as Africans. WE ARE NOT WHITES AND WILL NEVER BE.

Promomarlie:


You're talking trash. If you can't help your man financially then you're a GOLD DIGGER quote me anywhere anytime anyday. Bearing children is a gift to woman from GOD as well as a man's ability to impregnate a woman. And you think promotion at work is worth more than making family, if you're above 21 with these thoughts you need help. African women and money. Hanty you will make a terrible wife and I don't pray for my enemies to encounter your type. I JUMP AND PASS

I expected you to tell me why men want EQUAL financial contribution by force( for men like you) when she can do that without any imposition, since women won't impose on you to bear the children by yourself if u choose to save cost or spend that money u don't want to give to her on a surrogate mum.
You didn't so justice to this gender equality and feel justified that it is a woman's work to bear children, so why isnt it a man's work to provide financially( mainly)?
Your answer was dodgy and childish....Gold digger my foot, these days it is even the men that are gigolos and gold diggers

victorian:







When I hit 40 ,it's not the end of the world.

Genieve is in her 40s, she is still living life well , successful and looking younger everyday.

Not everyone can take the rubbish going on in marriages these days.

I can't anyways, I will pass on it, Biko.

I want to live long in peace and harmony not die in my prime because of naija man's attitude . I can't deal.

White man will never spend 200k on a white wedding after spending 200k on traditional, they wedd with rented gown take all the expenses to the minimum level, stop deceiving yourself, no one told you Genevieve is happy been alone you just assume things. She's jump from one dick to another more than a frog jumps In a year.

Abeg tell me the village the tradition come from?
If anyone wants an elaborate wedding, then both should be prepared to fund it!
Dictate your wedding according to your pocket.

donstan18:
Traditionally, a man is the chief sponsor of any wedding ceremony while the woman supports in a way she can. Reason, it's expected a man goes into marriage when financially stable and ready.

Allocating 50% to her passed a message that you'll be a type of husband who will be after the statistics of the wife's earning and spending. You sure wouldn't have done what you did if you hadn't any knowledge of her earning, you acted because you know her earning and that's a red flag for Nigerian ladies, because they don't like dragging and equal responsibilities in a home.

You don't go direct when you want a woman to contribute financially to something. You go Tactically[Not imposing, but asking how and where she can take care of, she'll choose, no matter the percentage of her choice, you lock up, keep the planning going, pretend like you are cool and then sketch out a personal plan of how to act worried and restless before her, she'll wanna know the problem, act like you wanna hide it from her, she'll be worried and pissed that you are hiding things from her, then you'll come up with a story and open up that you are facing financial crisis and don't know how to sort some things out concerning the wedding, she'll willingly help with pity without seeing you as a stingy or mean person]

No be everything dem dey form mancho, you go dey use your head.

You've spent on traditional wedding and for that not to be a total waste, kindly go and meet her, reason with her and go tactical, not directly with authority.

Happy married life in advance!

Mr Man, your manner of approach was very very very wrong,
What men fail to understand is that a woman especially wife cannot fear the Lion in her man( that authoritative nature of a man) but a little display from the man on how he loves her will make her surrender everything to the man.If you know you know

Ishilove:

In this 21st century?

You need deliverance

in the same 21st century, it is expected that men kneels down to propose. and in this 21st century, women still don't want to do the proposing and asking out because they don't want to put themselves in the vulnerable position of being rejected.
how do you explain that?

ahiboilandgas:
u don deal with woman that way ....u scope her .u dont tell to foot the bills u get the total bill then form at if u are trying hard to gather the whole sum then she will see reason to assist even more than your expectations

Guy man . Na the real G be dis. No be all this cry baby and wussies wey no even get shikini sense of confidence. When real men dey run tinz, all this olele wan talk.

faithfull18:

Same for Naija men. Supposing OP's fiancee had done as he asked. You wouldn't hear anything about it.

You guys come online to talk like you are any better. In the average Nigerian home today, the women carry most of the financial burden, go and do your survey then go back and back up your points with facts not fiction or why do you think children most times respect and take care of their mothers more. They do all the men should and more, yet till cover up for the men.

You guys need to start appreciating Naija women.

in the average Nigerian home,, the woman does what?

sylvestersamuel:
.

Yesterday, my fiancée came to visit me in my house so as to discuss our wedding plans. But before she left, we had a slight misunderstanding and the reason for our misunderstanding was because I allocated 50% of our wedding expenses to her i.e (she would be the one to sew her wedding gown, pay for the catering service amongst others) while I take care of other expenses...

On hearing this, she didn't even utter a word but left with annoyance, since then I have been trying to call her but she hasn't been picking my calls neither have she replied any of my messages....

To think she's Prolly a Feminist?..

sharone21:


I expected you to tell me why men want EQUAL financial contribution by force( for men like you) when she can do that without any imposition, since women won't impose on you to bear the children by yourself if u choose to save cost or spend that money u don't want to give to her on a surrogate mum.
You didn't so justice to this gender equality and feel justified that it is a woman's work to bear children, so why isnt it a man's work to provide financially( mainly)?
Your answer was dodgy and childish....Gold digger my foot, these days it is even the men that are gigolos and gold diggers

Child bearing doesn't concern gender equality if you know your facts right, can a woman impregnate herself? Of course NO so why should I answer that, can you ask GOD why? Gender equality is simply the man/woman controlled not natured controlled. Talk about BRIDE PRICE and I'll see the point you can make. If you can't afford to spend that on yourself simply means it's worthy to be spent on you by someone you claim you love, besides she can talk about it if she really wants the marriage. That woman is not the right person for him abeg. Take your argument to sleep abeg. He paid your bride price all alone which is his responsibility and you think white wedding should be the problem. I mean does she think? Simply call it off and nothing changes.

goodnewscliff:
in the average Nigerian home,, the woman does what?

Do your research

Davash222:
She’s earning 200K monthly
Where she dey work?



Assuming this story is legit, her 3 months salary should cover for her gown and the catering. But, that doesn’t mean you have to impose that on her unless she forced you to marry her.

No one is forcing you to wed. if you don’t have the funds for that, since you’re done with the traditional wedding and rites, go to any magistrate court close to you and certify your wedding.

*I don’t even know who brought this issue of white wedding to Africans.*

Oyamilenu oh

Papanwamaikpe:
So why you never marry

I don't have the strength to deal with lies and cheating. U know your husband is lying and Cheating on you with women out there, infecting the wife WIth stds every now and then.

His attitude in feeling entitlied, that the his wife should work as a slave when shes back home from work, while he seats, and chats with his numerous gfs.

Some married men no longer assist financially anymore. The wife takes care of the burden, all to save face.

All some of these men do these days is just Bleep! Fucvk! Fucvk!

Only few men knows what it takes to be a man and a responsible man at that.

Why should I marry a man who will increase my bp and cause me to early grave? Just because I want to be called Mrs? Or wear uniform attires when going out, pretending to people we are so in love, whereas it's all big lie.

If my kind of man meets with me and we have same goals and plans, then I will marry him. If not? Biko lemme stay single. I hate unnecessary stress. The older I get I realise my shock absorber to things we ladies over look in men has thinned out. I don't have the patience and strength to look away and I don't want to divorce. So it's better to remain single.
My bf did something that really hurt me last three weeks ago. I was actually battling with my bp,when it happened. it was so high. I almost had stroke! Coupled with work stress. I was so shocked when I noticed the stroke effect on my face already spreading. Mehn I had to stop whatever thoughts I have about him, take bp drugs and just withdraw from him and focus on myself. There and then I realise I don't have power for man wahala. I can't come and die because of man. God forbid.

I started feeling better and free two days ago and today, since three weeks o!

If. It were before in the past, I will get angry and talk to him with tears. Now no more tears again. I think I have finished all the tears in my body all through my past relationships.

the next I will realise now is high bp and nagging headaches. Mehn and high bp kills in a flash! I can't o!
Make everyone stay their lanes. I'm done with man wahala.

Moralgladiator:
Have you been married before? I have....women are plain selfish!! Oh!! Now women carry most financial responsibilities? So I guess I was foolish to have carried all d financial burden while she saved up right? Una dey dream! Very soon all of you will start running to Ghanian and Cameroon men to beg marriage because we don wise....pack and go!!

plain facts

faithfull18:

Do your research

Think u need to do that more obviously

Toks2008:




Did you just write this? Comparing technology with tradition. How pathetic.

Do you get to pick and choose? Is Christianity not a white man's religion? Since you subscribe to it, it's only common sense that you regard it's teaching which says you have to wed in it. If not, you're just a hypocrite.

If you think the traditional rites are fine, when the same traditional rite asks you to contribute to a sacrifice or bow before a god, do you do it? But hey, it's wedding rites are supreme just because 'you don't have money'.

So it's time for the wedding and suddenly you want to damn the 'white man's religion'. Then when you need
help or 'miracle' you run to the same white man's religion?

This hypocrisy is our number one setback. We aren't just very honest or upright people willing to see through things to the end or completely abide by them.

Look it's okay to not have money or be broke, what's wrong is trying to irrationally justify your decisions based on them.

Promomarlie:


Child bearing doesn't concern gender equality if you know your facts right, can a woman impregnate herself? Of course NO so why should I answer that, can you ask GOD why? Gender equality is simply the man/woman controlled not natured controlled. Talk about BRIDE PRICE and I'll see the point you can make. If you can't afford to spend that on yourself simply means it's worthy to be spent on you by someone you claim you love, besides she can talk about it if she really wants the marriage. That woman is not the right person for him abeg. Take your argument to sleep abeg. He paid your bride price all alone which is his responsibility and you think white wedding should be the problem. I mean does she think? Simply call it off and nothing changes.

So, who told you childbearing is solely a woman's work especially for ENTITLED men like you.
If u want to save cost, bear the children yourself after all they will bear your surname.....or PAY a surrogate....
This is 21st century biko.