CokeBar:

Hmm... thank you for this

You are welcome... Just make the right decision..

Inlaws who love you and are reasonable make your life a lot sweeter and easier. I wont advise any woman to marry into a family where she's not loved and warmly accepted.

Worse still, your boyfriend seems to be a family-pleaser. He won't be able to defend you. Just let the ship sail.

You'll find better.

PrimadonnaO:
Inlaws who love you and are reasonable make your life a lot sweeter and easier. I wont advise any woman to marry into a family where she's not loved and warmly accepted.

Worse still, your boyfriend seems to be a family-pleaser. He won't be able to defend you. Just let the ship sail.

You'll find better.

My thoughts too, thank you

CokeBar:


Hmm... thank you for this

He's wasting your time, you are too young for this situationship

CokeBar:


He isn't the youngest, his elder brothers all married Igbos.
Yes, we always talked about marriage... we were also planning migrating together, we wrote IELTS together... we have family type of discussions.

I can take over from him if you wouldn't mind.. I'm serious

doublegoldcrown:

He's wasting your time, you are too young for this situationship

Thank you

Since his family doesn't want you, please leave for your peace of mind so as not to be watching your back always.

fatymore:
Since his family doesn't want you, please leave for your peace of mind so as not to be watching your back always.

Thank you

Blu03:
i hate all this tribal bullshit. One guy once came here to complain that his fiancee is an 'osu', bla bla bla.

You boyfriend should man up and take control of his damn life. I respect my mother and i strive to always please her. But there are certain choices she cannot make for me.
If he loves you, he marries you.

As in ehhn... This tribal bullshit embedded in African culture is appalling to say the least.


Damn it!

Eiyaa! Forget him sha. Mom told me I can't marry outside igboland. If he's loyal to his family, forget him

The fact that he is fighting for you says a very big deal!! Also the fact his brother is in your corner too.

Look, old Igbo parents will always be old fashioned, especially if they are civil war survivors. Don't blame or hold it against them.

Provided he is not a traditional village Igbo boy (the "my wife must worship me" kind), or the first son, it is not a big deal.
He loves you and needs you to ginger him, don't give up on him yet. Stick and be the spine he needs.

You made the right decision
Never doubt that for a moment

He should man up
I get he's scared of his parents or wants to please them

But parents won't be the one to live your marriage
Both you guys are a perfect match and in love with one another
.
Not once, not twice, he's been caught on the phone denying you or aiding and albeiting gettting rid of you

Don't call him or beg him.... If he loves you that much, he will call and make things right, and make sure you don't get back with him till he takes a stand... Let him clear his parents... So you don't keep on wasting time, sacrifices on something that will eventually won't work out

This is 2020, parents should get past all these nonsense.... You can't marry from this or that tribe

Imagine being denied a forever happiness because of some nonsense ideologies

JohnnyPalmer:
You made the right decision
Never doubt that for a moment

He should man up
I get he's scared of his parents or wants to please them

But parents won't be the one to live your marriage
Both you guys are a perfect match and in love with one another
.
Not once, not twice, he's been caught on the phone denying you or aiding and albeiting gettting rid of you

Don't call him or beg him.... If he loves you that much, he will call and make things right, and make sure you don't get back with him till he takes a stand... Let him clear his parents... So you don't keep on wasting time, sacrifices on something that will eventually won't work out

This is 2020, parents should get past all these nonsense.... You can't marry from this or that tribe

Imagine being denied a forever happiness because of some nonsense ideologies

Thank you


I'll be fine, thanks

Why always igbo? I am a bini boy, I went through the same thing last year. Her dad was against it, I told her to try her best to talk to him but she didn't want to try at all. I knew a breakup was coming and when it finally came, my heart was shattered to pieces. I understand your pain, tribalism is very very bad.

Shibaraba:
And she said she broke up with him.....

Bini and igbo no dey blend. Go ask. They never blend. Go find owioba marry. You both dodged bullets

..
How many marriages between these two tribes have u seen to arrive at this??

You did the right thing. It's obvious he can't stand up to his family and or doesn't love you enough to want to marry you. If he was really considering marrying you, he wouldn't claim to be on the fence while trying to convince them to accept you. It's not going to be easy but try to move on. Love will certainly find you again.

physise:
Why always igbo? I am a bini boy, I went through the same thing last year. Her dad was against it, I told her to try her best to talk to him but she didn't want to try at all. I knew a breakup was coming and when it finally came, my heart was shattered to pieces. I understand your pain, tribalism is very very bad.

Hmmm... it is well.
Hope you've recovered?

Nobody here seems to understand the guy but I do a little because my eldest bro was in a similar situation once.

You see all these people saying man up bla bla bla and the other one saying my mama cannot take decisions for me, Y'all are saying these because it is not you.

Mothers are the most manipulative people on earth and it is worse if they gave you a good life. It would be much easier for your man if his family gave him nothing but if thy gave the necessary support he needed as a child then Y'all have no idea how he's feeling.


Here's what I think he's trying do. He wants to take time to convince his parents instead of disobeying them, because if he disobeys them outrightly like people are suggesting, they will all hate you and you will regret marrying him as time goes on.

Truth is, it is better to be at peace with your husband's family and have minor issues with your husband than to be at peace with your husband and have issues with his family.

It possible that he's trying to delay marriage until they say "tor if nah must say if no be that bini girl you will remain single for life then please marry her"

It is also possible that he's trying to get his brothers on his side(what my brother did) and together they will help him to convince his parents.

So you don't need to call it off just like that, it means you don't value the fight he's fighting just to be with you.

What you need to do is sit him down and ask him what his plans are, why he chose the plans and how far he can go with it.


If the answers are reasonable to you then you both should stand by each other in this trying time, otherwise you move on.


In situations like this, it is usually the lady that do more to win the guy's parents heart long before the relationship gets to marriage level.


Once a parent says "if no be say that girl is not from our tribe, I for say make you marry her" just know that the battle is half won.

Uyi168:
..
How many marriages between these two tribes have u seen to arrive at this??

8

Tallesty1:
Nobody here seems to understand the guy but I do a little because my eldest bro was a similar situation once.

You see all these people saying man up bla bla bla and the other one saying my mama cannot take decisions for me, Y'all are saying these because it is not you.

Mothers are the most manipulative people on earth and it is worse if they gave you a good life. It would be much easier for your man if his family gave him nothing but if thy gave the necessary support he needed as a child then Y'all have no idea how he's feeling.


Here's what I think he's trying do. He wants to take time to convince his parents instead of disobeying them, because if he disobeys them outrightly like people are suggesting, they will all hate you and you will regret marrying him as time goes on.

Truth is, it is better to be at peace with your husband's family and have minor issues with your husband than to be at peace with your husband and have issues with his family.

It possible that he's trying to delay marriage until they say "tor if nah must say if no be that bini girl you will remain single for life then please marry her"

It is also possible that he's trying to get his brothers on his side(what my brother did) and together they will help him to convince his parents.

So you don't need to call it off just like that, it means you don't value the fight he's fighting just to be with you.

What you need to do is sit him down and ask him what his plans are, why he chose the plans and how far he can go with it.


If the answers are reasonable to you then you both should stand by each other in this trying time, otherwise you move on.


In situations like this, it is usually the lady that do more to win the guy's parents heart long before the relationship gets to marriage level.


Once a parent says "if no be say that girl is not from our tribe, I for say make you marry her" just know that the battle is half won.

To an extent, that's what he said... he would delay getting married until they get tired... but can I wait? What if they don't get tired?

And yes, they provided everything for him, well above his needs.

Thank you for your input

CokeBar:

Hmm... thank you for this

God bless you... ..i can relate

It's an Igbo thing to marry igbos. Igbo women may marry outside their tribe but the men, 98% of the time would prefer to marry only Igbo ladies.

I888:
It's an Igbo thing to marry igbos. Igbo women may marry outside their tribe but the men, 98% of the time would prefer to marry only Igbo ladies.

Hmmm... I'm getting to know this. Thanks

The choice of a spouse is a bigger choice to make in life than the choice of a career.

I'm igbo and I know that our parents can be shallow in things like this, but they have their "good" reasons.

Personally I don't care how much my parents have given me in life, my happiness is important to me and it should be to them also, unless they have an issue with the girl personally in terms of maybe bad character(which blinded by love I can't see) then they should let me be happy and not play the tribal card.

Smart parents should know that there is a possibility their son would Resent them, if he is unhappy with his choice of an igbo spouse.

Africans and tribalism Are 5&6! So sad

Hello OP..
You said something about him having this inferiority complex cos he feels he's an underachiever.. I feel like he doesn't want to go against his parents wishes just so he remains on their good book

CokeBar:


I really want to fight for it but I am scared getting married to a family who do not like me or treat me differently. Also, I would have felt better fighting for it if he made me feel that way

Better move on and don't look bk .. hardly will u c an Igbo man marry outside their region, talk less of edo ... Listen to people like blu03 and regret it all ur life ... Blu03 will not b there when u start to face it... Everything is not love ooo... If something happens to him if u marry him, that's when u will know u hv ruined ur life

Yes

I888:
It's an Igbo thing to marry igbos. Igbo women may marry outside their tribe but the men, 98% of the time would prefer to marry only Igbo ladies.

See your head

CokeBar:


Hmmm... I'm getting to know this. Thanks

I love what Tallesty1 says and I agree with his suggestions.

You also said certain things about his character which I believe is contributing to this.

You said he has complexes. This might be inferiority complex or low self-esteem.
You said he was the least performing child and the last born, which might have been because of or resulted in the low self-esteem. Even if he doesn't have it now, he definitely struggled with it in the past.

When you have that description of the least performing child, it means you were constantly compared to other children your elder siblings or even others outside. That affects a child's esteem badly and he won't be able to speak up for himself. That is what is going on with him now.

He is most likely also codependent.

He probably spent two decades of his life trying to win his parents approval and now he has a conflict that won't make him go against their wishes and gain their biggest disappointment, what do you think he would do? It would be very hard for him to contemplate any form of action that would involve putting his foot down.

Please understand that even the contemplation of their disappointment will cause him to sweat under AC and have anxiety attacks. This is something that he has been facing long, long before he met you.

So do what Tallesty suggested, talk to him.

Try whatever you can to improve the relationship you have with his parents.

If all fails, then move on

themaestro08:


As in ehhn... This tribal bullshit embedded in African culture is appalling to say the least.


Damn it!

Its Pure nonsense if you ask me .

JayLaFlame:
Hello OP..
You said something about him having this inferiority complex cos he feels he's an underachiever.. I feel like he doesn't want to go against his parents wishes just so he remains on their good book

Correct!