Me; Stealing meat from the pot and I was chocktalize...
"Drop yours"

Licking her body cream. It smelt like yoghurt. So I assumed it will taste like it. I was 5.
And I remember every beating the woman gave me that day

Caught me reading comments

Caught me booking space

Watching porn!

Ere

masturbating

Caught me jerking off

I was around 17/18 then....watching porn in the dead of the night in my room, not locked...during the days of VCD. Remember the name: "The Aphrodisiac".

I was with the two remotes incase, around 1am...she was going to ease herself, entered the room....I was trying to change the channel...didn't know I was increasing the volume.

She just looked away, sighed....and went on. Never spoke about it, I felt I betrayed her. Didn't do it again.

#InsideLife

Stealing from the pot! Crazy

I think the year was 1995 or so. She had just prepared this crazy Turkey stew with Ewedu. As was her usual practice, she had already diced 'our size' and having laboured so hard that day to see the soup come alive (I grinded the pepper on a stone), she served us and I was terribly disappointed in the meat. It looked so tiny that I ate with rage that afternoon.

While eating, I was scheming on how to get even and be satisfied. She noticed how displeased I was but pretended and went about her business. When I noticed she had gone to the bathroom to bathe, I went for the soup in the wooden cupboard it was kept in, brought it down from the compartment, opened it and started looking around for a spoon but found none. I returned to the pot of soup which had massive meats everywhere in it and dipped my hand into it to take one big turkey meat.

The burn was crazy but my sheer determination to succeed made me immune to the pain. After combing for seconds I grabbed what I thought was the biggest and as I took it out, I heard a voice like God spoke to Samuel; 'take it out and you're dead'. Looked up and saw my mum stand over me with a towel on her shoulder and water dripping from her body.

I forced a smile and explained that I was washing the turkey. She was mad. Before she turned to do whatever, I bolted out of the house, but remained in the compound while I mainted over 20m distance.

I thought she'd run after me that day but she never did and that was when this cool breeze blew my way. The feeling of rage I earlier had had been replaced with regret and self pity.

Anyways, I stayed out till about 8pm from that afternoon before she invited me inside to sleep in a cool, calm tone I totally believed. How foolish.

I proceeded with caution and slept with one eyes open for about an hour before another voice called out to me to wake up. The time was around 2am at this point and there she was, standing over me again with her dreaded cane. I swallowed spit and thought 'this is it, the end of the world'.

Interestingly, she didn't beat me that night as I had hoped. Rather, I did both frog jump, and some crazy punishments till 7am that I couldn't stand to walk right in the morning. The tears and the litre of mucuos that ran from my ears, mouth and nose that day is still fresh in my heart till date.


It was my first attempt ever and I was caught in the act. It never crossed my mind to steal from her pot again.

Stealing by tricks

Playing gamble

I will Comment when I park

Holly me ....never been caught in the act .

She caught me licking Rebecca's ear... As at this time, I had already kissed Rebecca but I didnt want her to suspect, so i started licking the innocent girl's ear.. She already knew what happened while she wasn't there.. That was how she dragged me to the room and she beat the hell out of me.. They both took turn ni oo.. She did hers while my dad did his.. To be honest, I didnt know how bad it was until I turned 18..

I swear, this space booking is the most interesting thing about Nairaland.

Hmm

Back then as a teenager, we went to the village for a function in my paternal home (Delta state). I was walking with a new babe I toasted in the village with her hands round my waist in a compromising manner. Gbam!!! Suddenly my mum appeared from opposite direction with her changed countenance.
"What are you doing with my son?" She shouted....

Me: emmm em emmm mummy don't you know she is my relative? Her father is related to my father......bla bla bla.

Actually that was when my mum knew that her boy has started eating from the native doctor's pot.....

Caught me romancing one babe like dat, i was in JSS 1 den.

My mum woke me up by 2am, you know what happens next naa

Any time i remember that day, my mind still skip

I was and still a good child .

She caught me entering a brothel when I was 16. Come see beating, from the brothel to house... Then straight to our pastor for instant deliverance After every every, I begged her not to tell my dad which she agreed. That has been our little secret till today. I'll forever love you my lioness

Watching bluefilm

Make I no talk long, na only God save me that day

Self-servicing

let go there

Damnnnnn niggarrr

She Caught me smoking weed
Na so she go report to my elder sister o
I nor send. She even report to my daddy join
Na so my daddy begin dey vex
They talk any how say me na disgrace

For my mind i nor send una
all these one when all of una just dey vex and form holier than thou so You go surprise ehnnn when my daddy dey small na so he smoke weed anyhow

Because assuming say my daddy or mummy nor smoke weed when them young how come he be say when i smoke weed for the very first time the thing nor do me anything instead the weed make me hungry

And the law of weed says if you smoke am the first time and the weed nor shake you but make you hungry then know say your biological father don first smoke am before

she Saw a used condom in my room

Stealing meat from her pot of stew. I was caught red handed, as in the meat still dey my hand when she enter kitchen come see me, if not i for deny am. Omo no be small beating o collect that day,ooo