sassysure:


Forget online brouhaha.
Single fathers will never have problem marrying miss world.
It's never a gender war.

Even the ones hunger dey wire.

U know, I love being realistic most of the time.
We preach one thing and do another.

In this nairaland alone, I know like 3 ladies married to single fathers.
Single fathers don't usually have baby drama. For any man to opt to be a single dad, he must be good. So ladies actually seek them out.
Ladies who have medical history of getting pregnant,are above menopause, etc. Their luck.

I'm talking about what happens in real world not nairaland.

It's never a gender war. Wonder why people made it so in the first place.
And based on our societal norms, if u make it a gender war, u will always lose.
There are so many good men out there as there are so many good women.

We are not AA but from sub Saharan Africa where patriarchy still rule.
The AA people we are imitating, are they not lost?

sassysure:

Forget online brouhaha.
Single fathers will never have problem marrying miss world.
It's never a gender war.

Even the ones hunger dey wire.

U know, I love being realistic most of the time.
We preach one thing and do another.

In this nairaland alone, I know like 3 ladies married to single fathers.
Single fathers don't usually have baby drama. For any man to opt to be a single dad, he must be good. So ladies actually seek them out.
Ladies who have medical history of getting pregnant,are above menopause, etc. Their luck.

I'm talking about what happens in real world not nairaland.

It's never a gender war. Wonder why people made it so in the first place.
And based on our societal norms, if u make it a gender war, u will always lose.
There are so many good men out there as there are so many good women.

We are not AA but from sub Saharan Africa where patriarchy still rule.
The AA people we are imitating, are they not lost?

Michellekabod2:
I admire your honesty,you were honest enough to admit this is from the lens of the society. You called this reality and not that you defended your stance as the right way of living. Kudos on that.

There is reality,and there is the a logical way of doing things. There is a margin between the two.
Sadly people like Martinez39 call reality the truth and a logical way of life(off course only when it suits him,when it deals with a man being the sole provider in a relationship,he hates that part of reality). He embraces realities that favor men but frowns at realities that favor women(financial dependency on men).

He alongside the f00l called crackkhaus do this all the time. Shame though. Shame.

But aren't we shapers of reality? Do we settle for what society lays out for us or change for the better? The op is trying to change reality for the better.

Blu03:
nope. Wrong person

MJBOLT:

michellekabod2,are you a single mother?

Michellekabod2:
Blu03,Riele there is a moniker (female), trying to start an argument with you,kindly avoid such argument as it will lead no where. Save yourself the stress as you both clearly see things differently.

Michellekabod2:
YES

crackkhaus:

The problem is even after all you've typed, most of them who don't know you will think you're one red-pill alfa male, not realising you're a married woman with real world experience sharing her knowledge without bias.

Na stvpid small girls just full this generation I swear. They think life is all about how they feel.

MJBOLT:

no wonder,you are more aggressive defending single mothers than feminism

MJBOLT:

no wonder,you are more aggressive defending single mothers than feminism

JONNYSPUTE:
The only place I see stigmatisation on single mothers is in their heads. They move around with low self esteem and always have this feelings that people are talking about them.

Do I even give a damn about them? No.

My advice. Single mothers please feel free,nobody is stigmatising you. You all are the ones hurting yourselves.

crackkhaus:

The problem is even after all you've typed, most of them who don't know you will think you're one red-pill alfa male, not realising you're a married woman with real world experience sharing her knowledge without bias.

Na stvpid small girls just full this generation I swear. They think life is all about how they feel.

Blu03:
fustrated rather by two ignorant monikers...
Certain things touch a sore spot.
Martinez thread made me create this post.

Michellekabod2:
really? You have not seen them call them losers,ho€s etc? Are you kidding me

Blu03:
cos she's a married woman, she's now in the position to 'enlighten' us?
Does the ring in her finger give wisdom?
You and that lady are delibrately misunderstanding my post. Even martinez and astro got the message.

JONNYSPUTE:
.. Anybody can be called losers,hoes etc if he or she portrays or act in such manners.

4ckz:
There are red flags when choosing a partner, and in the history of red flags, I think being a single mom is the redest.

Forget about alpha male and feminism and the rest of it OP. I want you to reason things practically.

- What do simple moms offer really? I mean, in the real sense, what? As it is already, most women are liabilities, now you add children. No man should walk into that huge responsibility, unless atleast the woman can foot half of the bills at least.

- OK, let's say you ignore the status quo, you marry a single mom, you learn to love the children like your own. There is always a HIGH probability that the children would want to be with their biological father one. Even if say na me, no matter how u love me, once I grow up, I go like meet my real papa.
Worst case they leave you, best case, they share their paternal love with you.

- Then, let's talk about the woman, why did the last person leave her? Abi na only you like left overs.
Or, why did she divorce (if married) she fit do the same to you.
She might still have a soft side for the dude, afterall he is the father of her kids.
She might be a LovePeddler (highly probable).


Most single moms are not worth it, unless a widow. There are exceptions though, but they are VERY FEW. I can't build by life on such a low probability.

Peace!

Blu03:
Cc: 4cks
Well, i get the '...wanting to meet their biological father...' point.
But not every adopted child would do that. If the kid is loyal, he/she would realise that family isn't all about blood but the person(s) who has/have stood by him or her.
Again, before marrying any woman, single mom or not, one has to first study her character...
But the message i'm trying to pass isn't "Guys marry a single mom" but "Guys stop hating on someone who's already going through alot"

Michellekabod2:
really? You have not seen them call them losers,ho€s etc? Are you kidding me

Michellekabod2:

So you mean to say everyone called a hoe is a hoe?

sassysure:

Only on nairaland.

Don't use this place to judge.

It may be a 12 yrs old behind that username.

I learnt women are called olosho or hoe here.

So we have to separate real world from illusions.

Also, sometimes we ladies deserve such names, check out our so called actresses and Instagram queens.
I just saw one on the front page nakid.
Watch Nigerian movies, the men will dress like human being while the ladies will dress like 3nd class prostitutes.
Common!
If we portray ourselves like respected adults we will be respected.

Blu03:

Rape: This isn't something that is new to any of us. Most women have been sexually abused by men. And coupled with the traumatic experience, they got pregnant.

Love: A decent lady is swept off her feet by a sugar coated tongue. She has sex with her deceptive lover who absconds the moment he finds that she's pregnant.

Violence: A woman who is married to an abusive partner might wisely decide to leave him for both her safety and that of the kids.
Deadbeat fathers, etc
The honest truth is that these women chose, against all odds to raise their children. Is that the sin we so ignorantly judge? A woman's love and dedication for her children. A woman who sacrifices everything especially her youth and takes up the responsibilities of a man. A woman who refused to either have an abortion or abandon her kids.

Derogatory words are used to refer to these women. While single fathers are sympathised with. Same as widows who had no control, single mothers are women who didn't plan their fate.
To most, a woman raising her kids alone is simply the repercussion of her mistakes and not the effect of a man who couldn't handle the heat of having responsibilities.
Most men beat their chest and when asked what they have to offer, proudly state that as a male, he is the foundation on which a proper home is built. As the head, his utmost duty is to protect and provide for his family. Do these men not the error of the ways of their mates? Or the woman must take the fall, even for the sins of a man.
It leads me to ask the question. Is the problem loving a man? or the refusal to have an abortion? or to run away leaving behind helpless children with no parents?

All are quite easy to do. A mother's conscience and love prevents her...

Mind you, women who abandon her children are not fit to referred to as humans.

lessonsoflife:


If it were to be you, won't you look for your dad? Except for death every child would want to meet with his father. Most times, women hide their character and secrets.

JONNYSPUTE:
.. Anybody can be called losers,hoes etc if he or she portrays or act in such manners.

Note. It's not all single mothers that people tag with such.

I don't see it as stigmatisation if a single mother keep acting like a hoe and people called her out.

sassysure:

Only on nairaland.

Don't use this place to judge.

It may be a 12 yrs old behind that username.

I learnt women are called olosho or hoe here.

So we have to separate real world from illusions.

Also, sometimes we ladies deserve such names, check out our so called actresses and Instagram queens.
I just saw one on the front page nakid.
Watch Nigerian movies, the men will dress like human being while the ladies will dress like 3nd class prostitutes.
Common!
If we portray ourselves like respected adults we will be respected.

Michellekabod2:
lol
Why do people have that ideology married women are somewhat superior to single women? Or they have better knowledge than us?
Society celebrate ladies that have settled for patriarchy as successful women for keeping and building a home...not for her impact in the world at large,not for her inventions....SMH

Omar09:


I don't see any woman who wishes to keep the fetus of an unknown as a result of rape an intellectual being. First that fetus will be a constant reminder of her past which will enslave her and as such make her emotional. So being a single mom out of rape is still silly of such woman found guilty, and I don't have any pity for those. This is the point where “let the past be the past” will fit in.



Now you make this sound as if condom and contraceptives has no use again. If one wants to engage in sexual activities, one should do that at one's risk. And also take precautions... Protection has its use.



One has a choice to make. And the outcome of such choice should be bore without complaints. Such woman also had the liberty to choose from some men who will treat her like a queen, literally but she ignored. Would you tell me that such woman didn't see the signs? That man didn't become abusive overnight. It has always been in that man from on the onset. So many things people ought to look out for in their partner.. How such partner reacts to anger is a key fact and shouldn't be ignored. How the person also reacts under pressure too should be considered.



No one is above mistakes. But funny how it's also women who stigmatizes single mum. One time when I was younger, I told my mum that wherever love took me I'd go even if she was a single mom and my mom laughed hard and then warned me sternly to never try that. I grew up and I saw that it was better for me to start out life with someone who is on same pace with me and someone who is one or two child's ahead of me. My point being.. My mom is a woman and she is the one who would never want her son to marry a single mom and so would you Blu03. You will never want your son to marry one. Forget about what knowledge you think you have now... I'm not certain of your age, but time will make you more mature and pruned for this very environment you live in, Nigeria.