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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed (84050 Views)
Married, But Living As Single / I'm Getting Married But I'm Not Happy / Married But Feels Single. (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by itsme01: 7:15am On Feb 22, 2020 |
Divorce Divorce and Divorce 6 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Girlwhocares: 7:21am On Feb 22, 2020 |
movement2020: Yes,I find difficult to open up to him,even when I'm in physical pains,i try as much as possible to keep it to myself.. My communication with him is very bad cos i feel irritated at any slightest thing. 9 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by healthserve(m): 7:22am On Feb 22, 2020 |
Girlwhocares: Evil wicked bitter soul. Why not divorce and go with your side fvck mates than subject a human to your witchcraft 59 Likes 6 Shares |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Acidosis(m): 7:23am On Feb 22, 2020 |
These steps should help: 1. Fall in love with yourself - and understand that you're not perfect. 2. Improve on your communication. How? Well you can start by seeking his opinion on issues, including those you feel you can manage alone. 3. Understand his love language and put him first. 4. Stop criticizing!!!! Love does not grow where there is criticism. It's like trying to grow a crop in the midst of weed. Criticism is by far the greatest enemy of a fulfilled love life, so you have to check yourself, ma'am. Might also be a personality issue (e.g. choleric) so a deliberate effort is required. The above leads to the last and the most important point which is; 5. Practise acceptance: you'll fall in love with husband faster than you imagined if you're not trying to turn a cat into a dog. Discard those images and expectations you may have seen in movies, discard those imaginations authors may have painted in their books. The aim of any author or script or content writer in the world is, first to make good sales. That's the goal. Do not wait for him to become the ideas you have about the man you want to fall in love with. It doesn't work that way. You'll love better and stronger when you let go of your ideas. There's a difference between loving your ideas/expectations and loving your man. Let go of your ideas, and just focus on your man! 35 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Girlwhocares: 7:28am On Feb 22, 2020 |
Greatzeus: |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by movement2020: 7:39am On Feb 22, 2020 |
Girlwhocares: That's sounds nice. You really know what you want and you are ready to make it work by all means. Communication in absentia via text, calls and chats will go a long way in solving lots of issues. You would open up, ask questions and as well proffer solutions. It's a good idea but... Since you are married, it would be difficult to tell him you want separation, he would definitely think otherwise and heaven may let loose which I think you are also avoiding. There would certainly be a way you can do it. What about travelling to a cheaper country which can afford? The means is what I can't phantom or do you have a way to do it? 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by falcon01: 7:46am On Feb 22, 2020 |
@Girlwhocares Atleast you are honest and know the problem is from you. now my advice here is life is too short to spend it been unhappy maybe marriage is not your thing maybe been in the family way is not your thing, you have in due to pressure from your family and now you are paying the price , you want to be alone you dont fine him attractive all his done and is doing for you isn't making you feel the vibe so please don't make him suffer and don't also make yourself feel unhappy sit down and think of what you want and do it Call your husband, talk to him that it is not working and it's your fault you tried to feel it but it's just not there and make sure you are financially capable of taking care of yourself. or even better tell him you guys should take a break to figure out what is good for you 10 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Mbcastrol(m): 7:49am On Feb 22, 2020 |
Girlwhocares:3yrs without sex!!! I don't understand, then where are you guys getting it from? 11 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by ProtectMyMoney: 8:05am On Feb 22, 2020 |
Girlwhocares: Woman! Your whatsapp messages is the answer why you are not so into your marriage. Leave the man if you are not into the marriage and let your husband find the person that will be into him. The moment you leave, several women are ready to take your place. Do not, i repeat do not kill your husband. People like you are those who listen to those feminists people that it is shameful to leave a marriage as divorcee but honorable to leave as widow because society pities widows. If i were your husband, i will never eat your food alone. We must either be eating it together, or with your child you have for me. 22 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Girlwhocares: 8:15am On Feb 22, 2020 |
movement2020: Yes,this has been the best alternative but honestly i dont know how to tell him a seperation is need and he wont feel bad. So he wont feel otherwise. All i want is just for our marriage to work out. Thank you so much for your time,I really appreciate. 3 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Omenkanuzu: 8:21am On Feb 22, 2020 |
[s] itsme01:[/s] 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Girlwhocares: 8:22am On Feb 22, 2020 |
namiji2598: I do house chores when the need arises,thou i have someone who assisted me in doing most. I tried has much as i can to appreciate him and as regards opening up my heart,it seems difficult like there's this defensive mechanism blocking my communications with him. 8 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by mrjojo: 8:25am On Feb 22, 2020 |
Girlwhocares:How bad can he ever feel that he isn't already feeling? Or you think living like co-tenants with your spouse, no emotional/physical attraction, the non-existence of se.x isn't affecting him already? Telling him you want a divorce will be you having mercy on his poor soul. Tell him how you feel, save him and yourself. You said you guys were friends before marriage, what ever happened to the friendship?? Most successful marriages are actually built on good friendships and respect . 18 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by namiji2598: 8:32am On Feb 22, 2020 |
Girlwhocares:madam I am not married yet, but I have enough experience in marriage cos I have stayed with so many married couples in my life and am assuring you that marriage is very hard to be perfect, in as much as u can't force love in to ur heart, u can only allow it grow. Ur husband should try winning your heart, he should read you very well and know ur heart desires, he should know the kind of man you need and he should try being that type,sometimes is not by jus being a good man sometimes is by being the right man, if you ar the type that desires clubs and party, no matter how he tries he can never win you unless he is also that type, of you ar the type that needs flowers but your husband only gives you money, he can never win your heart, if you ar the type that needs vacations and great sex but your husband never took u for vacation, he will never win your heart,he have to know ur heart and try feeding it And how did you guys cope with sexual urge? Do u guys cheat? 2 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by namiji2598: 8:34am On Feb 22, 2020 |
Girlwhocares:don't go for divorce please am.begging u, u might end up with a scum 2 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by ImaIma1(f): 8:34am On Feb 22, 2020 |
No sex for 3 years, you share different rooms and yet you are 90% sure he loves you. Or are you the one who decided to stay in a separate room and become celibate? Seems like you are frustrating his efforts to make the marriage work. You decided to marry him. You need to try to make it work. Get excited about life. Respond to his good will towards you. Extend love to him...buy him gifts, take him out, etc. If your husband writes his own feelings about you, what will it be? That his wife is an Ice queen, cold fish, etc. She doesn't see anything good in whatever he does. She withholds sex, sleeps in a different room, always gloomy. Please make that man happy. It won't kill you. And if it's absolutely impossible for you to change, call for a family meeting and let it out. You both need to make a decision that works for you both. 20 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by crackkhaus: 8:36am On Feb 22, 2020 |
I don't get why anyone is busy advising this one oo.. She should divorce the man and get it over with already, Lord knows he will be better for it. Women like this don't deserve a lifetime of happiness, just little phases here and there between 5 - 10yrs...then they're back to another phase of complete dejection. Your own is about to start if you don't receive sense. Those whom the gods want to destroy, they first make mad... And we must not interrupt the workflow of the gods. 35 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by femi4: 8:39am On Feb 22, 2020 |
Girlwhocares:You need to see a psychologist, you have many issues here from emotional to psycological, maturity etc 7 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Dyt(f): 8:44am On Feb 22, 2020 |
@girlwhocares Have you tried DECIDING to LOVE him? Like someone told me Love is a decision And I realised it is too The advices you got are people's present opinion Some could be brutal other days and some could be nice too In all honesty No one treats someone that loves and respect you that much in the way you treating that man. If you know you can't reciprocate, pls end the torment You both are going through shit 12 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by crackkhaus: 8:51am On Feb 22, 2020 |
healthserve:As much as your words might seem harsh, I'm inclined to add a like and a share to it. I can't believe people are petting her. Divorce the man already mehn..he will definitely be better for it because I don't see how she is helping/contributing to his life. No sex for years, no emotional support, no addition to his overall growth, NOTHING. Just sitting there like a fvcking light fixture feeling like she's doing him a favour by staying married to him, acting like the victim, when in fact she is the antichrist herself. 54 Likes 5 Shares |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by eeewise(m): 9:08am On Feb 22, 2020 |
really sorry for your state .sadly in Africa divorce is a taboo but what about living by faith not feelings we dont act based on how we feel but based on what is required and the truth feelings a sinusoidal, comes and goes if you are truthful they are times u have this feelings and times u dont have them . start acting by faith loving by faith giving to him by faith investing in your husband emotionally by faith even when u dont feel it hopefully with time u will experience it 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by cococandy(f): 9:11am On Feb 22, 2020 |
3 years of no sex? Who are you both having sex with? What does your husband think about the separation? What does he think about the marriage in general? I can’t imagine he’s happy with 3 years of no sex with you 5 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by jagaban002(m): 9:22am On Feb 22, 2020 |
He always try to makes you happy while you always to things to push him away this are the kinds of woman we must all avoid because he’s doing everything perfectly that’s d problem . Why marry him when you know you don’t love him and u are not intimate with him for 3 years . Do you meet him and talk to him about that I know una Type u must be seeing a Bleep boy and it dose not end well because many single ladies which to have what u had . Tell him u want out and I bet u he won’t lose and he will find another better woman not a woman looking for is husband mistake . 2 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by healthserve(m): 9:37am On Feb 22, 2020 |
crackkhaus: These are the women we've been talking about. Narcissist doesn't qualify their wickedness 8 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Omar09(m): 9:40am On Feb 22, 2020 |
Girlwhocares: I'm gonna go out of the way and do what others have failed to do here. And I wish your husband will see this comment of mine. I blame your husband! Why do I blame him? He forced himself on you. Because he forced himself on you, he couldn't see that you both should have remained at being just friends. He was hellbent on dating you and getting married to you. Which is bad. And you might have hidden your true self from him consciously or subconsciously and because he was blinded by his infatuation and lust couldn't see it coming. To op, you just have to divorce him on the terms that you both are not compatible. He will see you as the bad person, but that's for you not showing him your true self and getting in on the bandwagon of marriage. And he will be heartbroken because he deserves it. He shouldn't have forced himself on you. If you divorce him, you will do him a great favor so that he can find happiness. But make sure it comes to him as subtle as possible. 13 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Ahmed0336(m): 9:43am On Feb 22, 2020 |
Madam please don't kill this man before his time. 3 years no sex?!!! Wtf!!!! And upon that you are still causing wahala for this young man. Kindly work on yourself and make this marriage work or seek divorce so that both of you can be happy. 8 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Girlwhocares: 10:16am On Feb 22, 2020 |
Omar09: 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by healthserve(m): 10:21am On Feb 22, 2020 |
What wizardry is this for fvcken sakes. Crackhaus are u seeong her fvcken responses 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Omar09(m): 10:34am On Feb 22, 2020 |
Girlwhocares: But you could have said no when he proposed. You should have rejected his proposal. You shouldn't have gone far when you knew your heart isn't with him. Still talk to him and tell him you want a divorce. State the reason you want the divorce and make it very subtle with him, then divorce him. Don't go on to inflict more wounds on him.... 10 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Girlwhocares: 10:34am On Feb 22, 2020 |
namiji2598: No i haven't cheated on him before and I dont plan to except if we eventually go our separate ways by divorce which i really don't want! As per him cheating on me,i honestly can't say cos he hasn't given me any suspicion. 6 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Sixfeetbelle: 10:34am On Feb 22, 2020 |
healthserve: Oga @healthserve good morning ooh. I dey greet. One of the reasons I follow you on this forum is that you usually give great advices, mature ones, so I believe you must be, too. Asides, you sound very bitter this morning and I dey wonder, who do you? ![]() ![]() ![]() 4 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Ofadaman(m): 10:49am On Feb 22, 2020 |
Hey, Sister 80% of marriages are like this after a few years, sometimes you can't do much about it. You have few options though, 1. Exit the marriage and pray to find someone, it will break your husband / child but you may gain your sanity later on. 2. Find happiness elsewhere, instead of focusing on the problem, seek for things that make you happy, a job, new skills, your child etc that takes your mind from it. 3. See a specialist to seek advice about it 4. Life is too short to live unhappy, what you can't find inside the marriage, you may seek outside, sex, etc. but then you'd need to keep it separate so he doesn't figure 2 Likes |
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