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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed (84495 Views)
Married, But Living As Single / I'm Getting Married But I'm Not Happy / Married But Feels Single. (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Mac12(f): 10:13pm On Feb 22, 2020 |
Draw close to God, then get a good marriage counsellor |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by uthlaw: 10:14pm On Feb 22, 2020 |
Even PS4 get value pass marriage this days 4 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by zyzxx(m): 10:15pm On Feb 22, 2020 |
Girlwhocares:1. I appreciate you at least care about the poor man, it means you are not heartless 2. The fact is you will still have to open up, else things will go more wrong, but since you have the mindset that you want it work, itemize the activities you did then with your ex. Involve your husband in it, do things you love together... Behind him back to your taste, you can't go back to your ex again. So you don't have choice than to make the one you have work This is a long marriage that you can't just break Your victory is in "open up" Open up to him then both of you work it out While you keep praying to God to make you love him 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by condralbedez: 10:15pm On Feb 22, 2020 |
madam,ogbanje spirit is seriously disturbing you,find a way to disconnect yourself from them! 4 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by unbitchable(m): 10:15pm On Feb 22, 2020 |
The heart of a woman is Hoefully wicked. Give him a divorce and go meet your fûckmate. He fell in love, thinking you were the right person meanwhile you were never in love with him. Yet went ahead to marry him, hence denying him his rights. God punish you. 9 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by DukeNija(m): 10:16pm On Feb 22, 2020 |
Omar09:
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Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Nobody: 10:17pm On Feb 22, 2020 |
Girlwhocares: Aunty, you provided the answer already: S E X! DECLARE A STATE OF EMERGENCY FOR SEX!! No jokes Go shower your Husband with sex using various styles, and you would start getting healed, and things would sporadically change in that relationship. Above is all you need to do but there are certain things about yourself you need to consciously get rid off immediately before worst damage is done. That is, if you truly want a solution as you portrayed: 1. Get rid of Spinster Mentality This will perennially get you self-centered as it has already made you consider leaving your husband (separation). There is the mentality of a wife. When displayed by true wives, runs girls label them stupid. You need to go learn that from your mum who seem to practically have lots of it and can influence you being your blood, far better than any paid Counselor without much practical experience, and who might even be coming out of a divorce or currently experiencing hell in marriage but have to counsel you all the same, in order to put food on the table. Know now, that as a married woman, you're in that new family/lineage firstly for your husband (Leader/Head), the kids (all-round dependents, not just in finances) before your very self. Change that order and things will never remain the same. You need undaunted humility to continually work with this mindset. I dare say your mum was well brought up with this mentality and that is why you enjoyed a beautiful home while with them. I believe that homely mentality from her also helped your dad to concentrate to make more money for the family, little wonder you came from a financially-stable home and not a poverty-infested home. So let's call a spade a spade, your mum (heroine) through her good upbringing and homely mentality is the one that actually made your family prosperous and beautiful to come in contact with. This is why I'm sure she has all it takes to give you a beautiful home if you will not "see her finish" but humbly be under her tutelage. In a nutshell, you need not travel to Sokoto (state) for what is already in your sokoto (pocket). 2. Get rid of Unnecessary Anger and also learn about Anger Management You're almost sounding as someone raped into marriage, hence the resentment/anger towards your husband over nothing. While you continue to nurture that feeling, please spare your husband the misery, remembering that your mum didn't make life miserable for your dad, and that beautiful home of theirs helped you to be called "successful" today. Now, let's deal with this stupid anger of yours once and for all, if you will allow. Granted, your husband was not man enough to woo you. Reasons best known to him, though not the best. Because no matter how educated, rich or famous a man is, he must also be endowed at wooing a lady. If he isn't, he must learn it as a matter of urgency because there are many things he will need to woo the lady for when he eventually marries her. A man can't continue to rely on education, fame or money to do the wooing. It takes just a couple of months for all that to fade off in the mind of a lady, particularly a wife. But Aunty, you are married to him already so stay on his intelligence that caught your attention and work out ways to continually get wooed from there. Your marriage is far more important for you and everyone involved (including relatives) than being wooed or not wooed to achieve connection. Please stop the separation going on for years. Surprised? You admitted to being separated already when you narrated both of you living as co-tenants. And someone here is still encouraging you to embark on further separation to a hotel or some country. She should have just told you to outrightly divorce him and hurry go meet that 15yrs-boyfriend that thrills you. My sister, yanga dey worry your head gaan ni o. And if you are not careful, you will lose all you have, and the reality of the stupidity you allowed for years will suddenly dawn on you and you wouldn't be able to turn back the hands of time. Reminds me of Chief Ebenezer Obey's song I grew up hearing my father play, which talks about a monkey that was told to say amen (pray) but rather chose to do yanga until misery befell it. Who told you things would always be like it was with that boyfriend if you leave (eventually divorce) your husband? You're not aware that boyfriend/girlfriend stuff is different from marriage? I know of someone that begged the parents for years to marry someone, only to come back begging them few months later with tears for divorce. Sister, o ni s'oriburuku o. (*can't translate) You don't even have an idea of how blessed you are. No wonder, some people need to get into trouble or create one for themselves before their eyes are opened to the blessings they've been unconsciously enjoying all along. Are you aware your mates, also with money, good body structure and well-educated are still moving from one fuckboy to the other, with the mind of getting a responsible man like your husband hopefully in months/years to come? Yoruba calls your type, pesin wey get head, wey no get cap. Sister, cut off completely from that boyfriend (chats, photos, everything) even if you keep feeling disappointed in your dad for ruining your relationship with him back then. Trust me, you will someday get over it and as a matter of fact, thank him. Two elderly people that neither is even my dad once told me to discontinue a relationship on two different occasions. I never liked their advice but I ended both relationship some way. Now, I'm married (more matured) and keep wondering why I couldn't reason above that level back then. Simply put, I was really stupid back then. Please cut off completely from that guy. Block his line(s). Extend same to all his contacts (his friends inclusive) on all social media, particularly Skype and WhatsApp. 3. Get rid of Sexual Denial for your Husband: See, there is no better way to ruin a marriage than ensuring sexual denial. You don't need someone in the village to jazz you for such a marriage to breakdown. Nonchalant attitude towards sex, denying sex due to tiredness or as a means to settle grudges or even effect punishment is stupid at best. The outcome would be all these you're experiencing. Yes, and that includes you gradually losing your sanity. More awaits you when you reach menopause if you allow things to continue this way. Please stop being selfish (actually crazy) and bring joy to that home. Your child needs the companionship of a younger one to avoid loneliness/moodiness. He's already suffering depression and enormous distractions in case you're unaware. You are a classic example of why some guys can't resist chanting "fear women", even in their sleep. Please put an end to all these and go convert your room to a store while you move straight into your husband's room henceforth. Don't say much to him, just hang around him always, when done with chores and co; holding his hands, playing different games with him (including sexual games), perpetually turning him to a "bad guy of the other room" by wearing lingerie that can make him get a hard-on in the midst of tiredness. Just be his "w h o r e" (very good in love-making) in the other room and continue being decent outside the other room. Females are emotional beings but please don't wait for that. There is great urgency, which requires you to skip such formalities to achieve desired objective. So yes, I'm asking you to do these sexual stuff while not still connected nor having a feeling for him. Listen, nothing is as deceptive as feelings. In fact, you will be shocked at the abundance of feelings that would resurrect in you for him the day he happens to bang you to the high heavens. That day, you will see an entire Galaxy in the room and understand that not all deliverance are conducted in church. The right banging from a husband can set his wife free and even cure her ahead of time. Lol. Anyway, keep using lubes for sexual activity with him (to avoid making excuses) pending when you would no longer be needing such. Meanwhile, know that Humility Skills, Cooking Skills and Sex Skills with Godly Fear are enough to produce a beautiful home you will always enjoy and generations will make good reference to. Also reduce your workload during this period of "emergency" and watch your food intake as well. Workout daily to stay fit and be able to enjoy sex more. As you recover, doing all I said (hoping you will because it cost me quite some precious time), please don't ever return yourself to that "darkness" but keep spicing up your marriage and enjoy the numerous blessings God provided for you in your beautiful husband so that you don't turn him into another man or practically send him away as he might be frustrated already and ready to divorce you without you knowing. I think you have a good mum, visit her often and learn more from her. All the best. 7 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by CaptainLora: 10:17pm On Feb 22, 2020 |
Your matter is strong gaan! I don't mean to insult you, but I think that you are either an ogbanje or you have a spirit husband. Peace....!! Girlwhocares: 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by placeofallure(f): 10:18pm On Feb 22, 2020 |
Girlwhocares: Then, how did you get here? I want to believe nobody coerced or coaxed you into marrying your husband. Did you marry him out of pity? Or some pastor seeing him as the one for you? Or your family is indebted to his? Honestly these are questions begging for answers. Love alone is not enough to keep a marriage but you sure need large doses of it. Many times when things wanna go awry it's the love that keeps you sane. Despite the many woes bedeviling relationships today, some marriages or relationships are as sweet as honey. I've been married for 9years. Yet, we just returned from a week off of work. We only used the Valentine's Day as an excuse to stay away but we just needed a refresher. Every day is lovey-dovey day. Your marriage can be as interesting if not more. Get a rebirth. Reenact your marriage. Change yourself to accommodate him. Come down from your high horse and embrace the hands of love he is extending to you. You're too egoistic and selfish. What if you were the one giving love and not getting it in return. How pleasant do you think that is? What are the things that irritate you about him? Be dutiful and clean him up! Think of your child, him and family, don't be selfish. The moment you signed those dotted lines, you signed your freedom away, so it's no longer about you alone. Put others into consideration and go work on your marriage. I won't advise you to seek the dissolution of your marriage since he's not violent in any way. Go girl and be successful! 2 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Figger(m): 10:18pm On Feb 22, 2020 |
in DJ Khalid voice "another one! |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Hoodgod(m): 10:19pm On Feb 22, 2020 |
Girlwhocares:madam divorce make we rest,thats the new trend# divorcing generation |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by TheMan3: 10:20pm On Feb 22, 2020 |
Girlwhocares:First of all you are very stupid. I'm sure he's one very good guy you smashed up the market from other leaders who deserves him better. Look at the kind of misery you have made him pass through. |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by CsRockefeller(m): 10:20pm On Feb 22, 2020 |
I'm not too surprised. I've heard someone call on Sharing Life Issues with Auntlanda saying how she divorced her husband after few years because the connection wasn't there. I was about doubting your story, alas! I remembered that fateful day. The truth is this; it's all in your head. It's not real, but your mind is playing a fast one on you. You are seeing issues where there isn't any. 2 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by hopexter(m): 10:20pm On Feb 22, 2020 |
matrixmuzi: Just cos she's not getting a matrimonial sex means she's having it from the other realm. It's ok, lesson learned 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by toye440: 10:20pm On Feb 22, 2020 |
Girlwhocares:let me guess, they both said thesame thing; the brutal and bitter truth. Woman u cant get to the promise land while u r still grieving over Egypt. U r still carrying experiences from ur past relationship, which is dangerous. Look they say before u leap, but in ur case it was the other way round. Woman wake up from this stupidity, and try to reciprocate his love, its not too late to be his wife and a good mother to ur child. Trust me good men are hard to come bye, u r blessed with one and all u do is dish out ur trifling excuses for not been able to love him. Nothing comes easy, u hv gat to fight for it. 5 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by joyandfaith: 10:21pm On Feb 22, 2020 |
Girlwhocares: Stop watching or reading romantic novels. |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by ogunsbanjul(m): 10:21pm On Feb 22, 2020 |
I guess you're relying on someone somewhere somehow. May be your ex man or new man whom you believe is making you happy or will make you happy because of the sweet things he is telling you is the best. If you end up leaving your husband even despite having promising child, surely, you will regret it, not a curse but truth. Solution to your problem is as follows: - send heart touching departing message and warning with a serious curse to that someone making you to hate or dislike your husband or marriage. - Go before your husband beg him,respect him,make him happy and totally change - silently with sober confess your sins to God and ask for forgiveness. Finally, love your husband wholeheartedly before your turn to public laughing stock. May God heal your wound 3 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Johnnycosman(m): 10:21pm On Feb 22, 2020 |
[left][/left] Girlwhocares:I think God has brought you for a reason together. For this marriage to work It depends largely on your side, because It seems the problem is coming from your side. I suggest a heart to heart talk with him,about the matter on ground to avoid an unbalance growing ground for your kid.Don't forget to place GOD first. 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by proclinician: 10:22pm On Feb 22, 2020 |
Girlwhocares: Did your mother give you something to put in his food that turned him into a puppet? All these your stories sounds like a bit of a ramble and they lack cohesion. What manner of a man is that? 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Trustworthiness: 10:23pm On Feb 22, 2020 |
Girlwhocares: Here lies the real problem. You are rich and take care of your bills but couldn't get a husband, right? Out of desperation, you married a guy you never love, just to satisfy your parents, family, friends and colleagues at work who are already married. Because the guy is not as rich as you are, you see him as someone not same level with you. That is why you cannot connect with him as you are not ready to submit to him as his wife but to get a child that is yours through him. I want to believe you initiated the idea of two of you sleeping in different rooms. I believe if he is Dangote, Otedola, or any very guy, you will quickly connect with him. Please!! Discuss with the guy and both of you should go your separate ways. Let the guy go search for real love somewhere else. I believe the guy is crying internally for marrying a woman with worldly heart. 6 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Blakjewelry(m): 10:24pm On Feb 22, 2020 |
Girlwhocares:Here lies your problem, still holding on to the pass. And to make matters worse your hobby came from the same parents who put and end to your relationship. Well if you really want to make things work you have to let go of that young girl and accept the woman you have become. I bet your ex would have move on and always remember boyfriend and husband are two different thing. Dating from afar means you can get enough of each other but living together brings out the real you. Let the pass go and move on 2 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by BRATISLAVA: 10:24pm On Feb 22, 2020 |
Girlwhocares: What if he's gay? Most men are gay nowadays. They hide under the cover of being strict/manipulative men. |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by pennywys(m): 10:25pm On Feb 22, 2020 |
Girlwhocares:I don't know why good men suffers a lot in the hands of crazy women, besides your husband must be a very good man someone me I would have kick ur dirty ass out of my house quit a long time ago 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by cRobo: 10:25pm On Feb 22, 2020 |
Girlwhocares: Were you in a relationship before you married him, and are you still chatting your ex and wish you were with you ex Better still You felt better typing this on Nairaland but your pride won't allow you this this with your husband Really bad 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by jaxxy(m): 10:27pm On Feb 22, 2020 |
Girlwhocares: My question why did u marry him in the 1st place? Have u ever loved him? Where u forced to marry him? When did this loss of connection and affection begin and what led to it. U say Ure going through a lot bt yet Ure the cause and the solution to ur problems as ur husband hasn’t changed in any negative way atleast going by all uve said unless there am info Ure yet to give us. How is ur husband dealing with u lack of affection? Why does everything he does irritate you this way? U need to ask urself very honest way questions to get out of this mood and negative atmosphere u have created around urself and ur hubby who probably adores u. 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by DukeNija(m): 10:27pm On Feb 22, 2020 |
generationz: And she’s a 10 years old girl who doesn’t know her left from right. You must be mad. 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by adanny01(m): 10:31pm On Feb 22, 2020 |
Girlwhocares: You are not a kid neither are we. Tell me sex is not great, i will believe you. Sex connects, whether you are in love or not. Unless if the sex is painful or mismatched. Mismatched in the sense that he is too small or you are too big for both of you to derive full pleasure. A woman can go 3yrs without sex but for a married man to go that period, something is wrong. It isn't the absent love. Let me tell you why your mum told you you will grow to love him. That is an indirect way to say sex will bring you closer. For the fact that sex didn't do the trick means one or both of you has a sex problem or it might be even a case of one or both of you having full sexual satisfaction outside your marriage. The funny thing about sex is that it allows you access to the personal space of your partner, you guys are keeping the personal space to yourselves which means there is something in between you both. Identify it and your problems go away. 7 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by carpdiemz: 10:31pm On Feb 22, 2020 |
Ishilove: It is money lol she said we shouldn’t bash her but she doesn’t tell d full story |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by AceRoyal: 10:31pm On Feb 22, 2020 |
Girlwhocares: You're punishing your husband for another person's mistakes(your dad not allowing you marry your ex). Your subconscious has taken over your conscious actions. You don't appreciate him because your heart is with someone else. A time out will be good, but it'll be a very fatal mistake if you divorce your husband. Alot I can tell you but I'm too lazy right now to type. 2 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by saasala(m): 10:33pm On Feb 22, 2020 |
Girlwhocares: Did you say you dont need any insults? You are a mad woman and na God go punsih you Divorce that Innocent man so he can be free to be with someone who will appreciate him. Mad woman 3 Likes |
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