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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed (84298 Views)
Married, But Living As Single / I'm Getting Married But I'm Not Happy / Married But Feels Single. (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by ityP(m): 7:46am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Goldencheese: I always tell people, I CAN COMFORTABLY MARRY ANY WOMAN (EXCEPT ONE WITH SERIOUS CHARACTER FLAWS). As long as she is a good woman, I would grow to love her as time passes. I don't deceive myself into thinking that I must find one I'm seriously attracted to. Attraction fades. Infatuation ends. It's only the will to stay put in a relationship that matters. If the will is there, marriage don set be that 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Obiagu01: 7:46am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Girlwhocares: first of,you need not keep secret in any relationship.because when you do,you have in a sort of way created a mental island for yourself,where even if you are getting hurt by the emotion attached to that secret,you will choose to drown in it alone instead of letting someone help.but the truth is,your husband loves and understands you.and for him not to have bailed out of the marriage from the first page of you not reciprocating his love means that he is understanding and ready to walk into that trouble world that you have built for yourself once you open the door.I advice you to let go of the past.focus on making the present beautifully positive and your future will be full o happiness.I repeat,let go of the past.there's issues a book I will advice you to read.it is titled "the secret the power"by Rhonda Byrne.show love to where there's no love,and you will harvest a bounty of positive outcome.good luck. |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by ityP(m): 7:48am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Kessykelly: The only best advice is DIVORCE. Every other advice apart from divorce is just delaying the inevitable. This marriage is over a long time ago. It just needs to be officially annulled. She should save herself and free the poor man |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by ityP(m): 7:51am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Obiagu01: The man is a fool. Simple. It's that same love and understanding that will emotionally finish him. Even God ONLY draws close to those who draws close to him. |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Pathfinder121: 7:51am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Accept your husband the way he is. His is someone else prayer point for coupling. 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by mbaboy(m): 7:51am On Feb 23, 2020 |
You really dont want divorce yet you are unwilling to make things work out for the two of you. The man you are treating this way is another woman's prayer point. Girlwhocares: 2 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by machiavelli95: 7:52am On Feb 23, 2020 |
anonimi: Keep quiet!!! Just because you read some few anglo-american themed books, you now feel you are "advanced" and the supernatural doesn't exist. Keep on living in fools paradise and join the bandwagon of "spirituality religion" just to sound cool. Nonsense!! While there is a lot of foolishness and crudeness in African's approach toward the spiritual realm (same is true about other facets especially leadership), it does not change the fact that the laws of the supernatural realms of the Spirit govern the physical. If it is not so,please tell me who began and practices the grail message, the freemasonry (over 25% of Britons are Freemasons), the eckankar (the light and sound of god) and the AMORC. Even China which abolished religion has the highest adherents to buddhism. Just because someone abuses a thing, it does not mean that thing is invalid. Just because Africans abuse religion, which is man's attempt to connect with the supernatural, does not mean religion is invalid. Your gullibility irritates me 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by NwaliE01: 7:53am On Feb 23, 2020 |
OP. My advise here is that you should get home, pick pen and a paper. Write all that you hate or that is a turn off for you From your spouse. Write what you like about him aside his intelligence. Write what expect from your dream husband. Write what you expect from your immediate family. Write what you dont want in your home. *All this is to help you discover yourself first.* Then write the reality in your family life. Write what your immediate family is as at today. Write what you don't like about your marriage. Then get a quiet time to talk to God and secondly talk to your self sincerely. Looking at your long list and see how you can make them a reality. The ones that concern your spouse and immediate family , share it with him. Then try and bring your dreams or fantasy that are practicable into reality. Love can only be possible when you love GOD first. Love is not blind because God is not blind. God is Love, therefore Love is God and can see. Watch and pray, enerstly you will smile again in your marriage. All the best. |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by spiralwedge(m): 7:59am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Girlwhocares: It's good you're seeking help early. I didn't. I patched silently till the 10th year. At that time, we have both lost our minds and finally separated, something we should have done earlier. So, please walk out now before it's too late. Kids will always be alright, if you provide adequately for them including your time. |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by fizzy4luv(m): 8:02am On Feb 23, 2020 |
All the stakeholders from the parents to the lady and husband are all at faults here especially the husband. Some men are just desperate to marry a woman and will choose a blind eye to signs that are obvious. The friend now husband was friendzone for years only to be turn to when lady was advised to marry him against her own interest. Was he blind ? 15 years of relationship with a man no be moin moin now, that's a decade and five years and people are just talking trash saying she is emotionally attached,why won't she ? The man saw the signs but choose to move ahead thinking she will love him in the long run but he forgot that true feelings never die. His own actions to love her truly shows he wanted her from day one but she never wanted him as a hubby. The parents are wicked and callous and that's why Africans are retrogressive, most marital issues we have now are either caused by selfish parents advice or religious leaders advice given at critical moments.What makes the father think the ex will not a better person in future or the momma ensuring supporting her to marry a man she didn't have romantic feelings for They should all bow Down their head in shame if anything bad happen tomthat woman. Woman,you should have stood your ground when it matters most and held onto your man now ex,if it goes wrong you will know it's ur decision and bear the brunts.Now you are struck in a relationship with a man u don't have romantic feelings for and a child is already in the pic.it is a complicated one ma. I can't just help feel how the ex would have felt too during those period you broke up with him,how i wish he is successful so that ur parents can know truly that they failed and caused u unnecessary pain. Madam don't mind the spiritual bigots,it's not a spiritual matter at all nor u being unloving .it is just karma catching up with all of u parents,husband and u in particular. You left a man you loved and still love and tot u will love another easily like that.Nigerian women and warped mentality.what works for woman a might not work for woman b. You need a period alone to clear ur mind, trust me u can't force what u can't give, all this sex him,romance him won't work if mind is blanked out.so u need to go back to what u should have done initially,if u have resources tell him u need space to clear ur mind and focus on what truly make u happy. If u still can't, pack ur load and leave ooo,marriage is not I die there ooo.same society will blame you if you do something bad to the guy which I suspect will happen very soon 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Nobody: 8:03am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Marry a Nigerian feminist at your own peril... Their agenda is to destroy you and leave you when your financial, mental wellbeing has turned to dust. The OP is one of them, she's the Delilah in that man's life, after distributing her pvssy to the community her husband's divk became too small to satisfy her wide gutter of a pvssy, so she starved him for 3years |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Afriifa(m): 8:04am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Vortex369:I'm yet to see a smart lady as you. very impressive. keep it up. |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by machiavelli95: 8:08am On Feb 23, 2020 |
ityP: The term "spiritual husband/wife" is a crude lingo used to describe incubus/succubus demon spirits which can have operations in the soulish realm of a human being manifesting as sexual activity in the dream sometimes even causing physical manifestations. Remember the sex act causes a union of souls as well as body (he who is joined with a harlot is one flesh with her and the term "flesh" is used to describe the material body and the faculties of the soul). These things are real and not folklore. Its quite common in places with a high influence of water/marine spirits. |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Teerach: 8:12am On Feb 23, 2020 |
The only reason you are not giving your best in this marriage is simply because you focus on his lapses. Please shift your focus and everything will change. What I mean is this, take a pen and write out the things you appreciate your husband, even if the list is small..... Everything is energy. Therefore shift your energy to those things you like about him. I know it's not gonna be easy as your mind will sometimes drift back. But if you can consciously tell your mind to quiet itself everytime it tries to bring you back to the things your husband lack. If you can shift your focus consciously to what you appreciate bout your husband for at least 90days straight. You'll see tremendous changes. The only and only reason y you're not feeling the marriage it's because you're focused on the negatives n lack of your husband. Change your focus madam and change your life. You can start with simple stuffs like daily gratitude journal. .. Say (God I'm extremely happy and grateful that my husband is an intelligent man, provides etc....#smile) do that with sincere smiles. All you need is a shift in energy. |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by demarc001: 8:12am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Girlwhocares: Leave the long story. Leave excuse of it is just not happening, Nothing just happens. He was your friend and you relate as friends, you got married and you continuedon't the friendship lifestyle with bringing in romance. Change your mindset and put your husband in the romantic position where he should be. Act with him the way you see lovers do be determined to make it work. You can as well talk to him so he doesn't think you are up to something when you start such intimation. Better still, you can set it up for him to hear you saying it in prayer. |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Oyiboman69: 8:14am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Girlwhocares:Just try and get some space from the relationship, (not going on cheating),and make sure you let your husband understand you. Spend some time alone,explore the world,see different things from different perspective and come back to your home,I guess after everything, you would have found answers to your questions. Not this, there is a fine line between fantasy and reality,pay attention to the later. 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Mbcastrol(m): 8:15am On Feb 23, 2020 |
vickydevoka:lol abi now |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by favourmercy(m): 8:16am On Feb 23, 2020 |
My own advice for you is that, you should go and find the key of your block heart where you throw it to, open it and give him chance there so that your life will be meaningful, you said your ex is the one your heart is always with who told you that the guy love you, is it cos both if you are compatible as you said, don't deceive yourself, there is no way you will know your partner 100% while both of you are still in courtship, so take all the compatibility off your mind and continue enjoy with your husband, if you mistakenly leave him, I bet it with you, you will regret it I your life because you can not find someone out there without his own predicament, even if you go back to your ex, if eventually not marry madam you will suffer, I bet it with you, your father that insist that you shouldn't marry him, knows better than you, you have someone that give you rest of mind, you are complaining that he is disgusting, I pity your life after your decision if you leave him. Open your heart to your husband let him know what you are passing through, explain to him and I believe he will help you with his own capacity, but if you insist on holding everything to yourself and the man decide to mingle outside, it will be hard for you to bring him back home, even if you now decided to open your locked heart, so madam use your brain, there is no husband outside, that is my candid advice for you. |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by ogohiochola: 8:16am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Girlwhocares: My sister follow ur heart and free ur husband but even if you do not feels your husband what about your child, stay in the marriage bcoz of the child. Yes you were wrong to have headed to your Dad's opinions especially at it concerns love and stop thinking about your Ex, do way with all that you had in common in the past. Put your faith in God and submits to marriage to Him and HE Will Surely lead you bcoz He's God that never fails. Thanks. |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Nobody: 8:19am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Girlwhocares:I will like to hear your husband's side of the story. And according to what I see here, you seem depressed. Because you feel stuck in a situation you were too weak to say no to. Let me ask you this, WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU WANT, AND WHY DO YOU WANT WHAT YOU WANT? WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU NEED, AND WHY DO YOU NEED IT? HAVE YOU TRIED TO MAKE THE MARRIAGE WORK BEFORE? let me say that a boyfriend that dates you for 15 years is not a serious boyfriend. You are pursuing a fantasy, while the universe has a way of dishing out reality. Only you can be completely honest with yourself. Try to look for a female counselor with a psychology degree this time see her alone first, then with your husband. What are your options? DIVORCE, or trying to see if the marriage can still work. Were you ever physically and sexually attracted to this man, ever. You need to ask yourself tough questions and learn to be honest with yourself. We as humans have a capacity for self deceit. So ask yourself,what are your options, and how will each end? If you choose each option, how will you plan your life, how will you deal with resultant phases that follows? You also need to be truthful with your husband, tell him everything. especially if you have been cheating on him. You need to understand the concept of responsibility. In that any option you choose will be your fault regardless of the outcome. Love is a decision we make everyday. For example, many of us will rather choose other better people to be our siblings, but since we are stiluck with them, we made that decision to love them everyday, flaws and all. You could adopt a similar philosophy. The grass may not be greener on the other side, but might also be too. You have a lot of thinking. Facing hard truths and growing up to do. I think you should ask for a 3 month seperation period to clear your head. Can your marriage still be salvaged 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by ityP(m): 8:20am On Feb 23, 2020 |
spiralwedge: I hope she sees this. |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by JohnNU(m): 8:20am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Let me be honest with you, if you were sleeping with a guy for 15yrs and he didnt care to propose and continue in that relationship then you are the biggest fool i have seen. 2 Likes |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by oluwatodimu1(m): 8:24am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Girlwhocares:Interesting! Your mum talked you into marriage with someone you can't love! We'll, my take is that you let this man be: you are just punishing the poor guy! As much I don't advocate divorce, your marriage is already tending towards that...! If you have a good partner, try everything within your power to make things work: Your next husband may be a devil, so cherish the angel you have |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Tolani1122(m): 8:26am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Girlwhocares:op ur mum did not lie to u, he never treated u wrong from what u had said earlier, its was just that the love is not there ,love come naturally, put this prayer. Similar things is happen to me wright now in situations where I'm not love with her while she loves 100% , I believe ur huz. Must be gentle man not to ruined his life open ur mind to him |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by ityP(m): 8:27am On Feb 23, 2020 |
machiavelli95: Use a bible verse to support these theories of yours please |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by olisaemeka1(m): 8:29am On Feb 23, 2020 |
TonyeBarcanista:But let me ask the Op ....u have an ex of 15years who apparently is still in your life ...and is causing selfish harm to your marriage....have u asked yourself y dis ex of 15yrs is still single....many women kneel everyday and pray to have a husband that would care n love them the way ur husband does but you are here comparing your husband n ur Ex....marraige is not about love dear to me ...love is more of infatuation...marriage is building a partnership.. let that man go pls ..funny how we go on looking for things in sokoto ...that is already in our shokoto. 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Nobody: 8:30am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Girlwhocares: Send me an email request |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by bishopsele84: 8:32am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Go for total deliverance,your real husband is in the marine world 1 Like |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by aorseer: 8:33am On Feb 23, 2020 |
Girlwhocares:My sister check your sexual orientation, if you are not a lesbian then I guess spirit husbands are real afterall |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by healthserve(m): 8:35am On Feb 23, 2020 |
darediamond: Wise woman. God bless you |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by Clinghton: 8:36am On Feb 23, 2020 |
The human sense can be controlled but you lost control/connection, so get in charge. You can seek for help. |
Re: Married But I'm Not Connected With My Husband, Hence I'm Depressed by healthserve(m): 8:36am On Feb 23, 2020 |
trumpcoat: True 100% |
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