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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise (58462 Views)
My Girlfriend Is Too Stubborn, Please Advise Me / I Am Thinking Of Quitting My Relationship, Please Advise Me On What To Do / Single Mom Advertises Herself For A Husband On Twitter (2) (3) (4)
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Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by Gudlite: 8:42am On Feb 24, 2020 |
Bro ,i feel for you but i want to let you know that the presence of that boy will never allow the relationship to settle and no matter what you do, his mother will keep on telling you that you are doing it because he is not your child. For the lady to wait for seven months before telling you about the boy is what i don't understand and for you to allow the girl to move into your house when you have not done anything is your mistake too. My advice is break up the relationship and pray for another girl to marry NOTE NEVER you go into marriage out of sympathy, You will be unhappy and frustrated all through your life Broken relationship is better than a broken marriage 9 Likes 1 Share |
Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by jaxxy(m): 8:43am On Feb 24, 2020 |
WilliamsTheGrea: Being with a single gal is drama enough already, being with a single mum is extra drama and she only told u after 7months?? To go along with such a person, she has to be bringing alot to the table/Relationship not taking away alot including my cherished peace of mind. I will end that relationship in 2seconds trust me. I kid u not! 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by LordReed(m): 8:43am On Feb 24, 2020 |
WilliamsTheGrea: Did you agree for this boy to be brought to your house? Did you sit down with your intended and talk through this matter after she told you? Did you thoroughly consider the ramifications of having a step son? Or you thought love will just make everything better? Oh boy better have a rethink now before it's too late. If you cant cope better say it now than later when the problem has become overwhelming for you. That time the disengagement will bring trouble for even more people who ought not to be suffering from your hasty decisions. 3 Likes |
Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by adanny01(m): 8:43am On Feb 24, 2020 |
Chocolatte01: The problem is not whether he dislikes the boy or not. The problem is that he has made a choice not to inconvenience himself with training another mans child. That decision is a precursor to the dislike. You cant blame him. Its his right and choice. His reasons are genuine too. I will make the same decision too except if the boys father is not alive. 5 Likes 1 Share |
Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by Ebidosia: 8:44am On Feb 24, 2020 |
WilliamsTheGrea: I've been in your shoes once. If you can't take it, please quit now. No need prolonging it. You can give money to celebrate the birthday but you must have that talk with her ASAP. |
Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by adebaba5: 8:44am On Feb 24, 2020 |
It took her 1,2,3,4,5,6, and 7 Good months to tell you she already has a child! If she could hide such detail from you for that long, my bro, you need to rethink and re-evaluate your relationship. 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by CAPSLOCKED: 8:44am On Feb 24, 2020 |
Omar09: I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AGAINST MARTINEZ39S CAMPAIGN AGAINST SM, AND I ALWAYS WILL. BUT THE TRUTH IS, KEEPING THE REAL DAD ASIDE, YOUR HAPPINESS IN SUCH A RELATIONSHIP DEPENDS ON THE WOMAN AND THE WAY SHE HAS BROUGHT UP HER CHILD. AT 4 OR 5 YOU AND YOUR OWN CHILD WOULD HAVE BUILT AN UNDERSTANDING THAT WOULD BE UNEXISTING WITH A STRANGER 4 YEAR OLD. LET ME TELL YOU MY STORY. I ONCE MENTIONED THAT I HAD A COUSIN STAYING WITH ME, PLUS HER KIDS. 2 OF THEM. I'M SORRY TO SAY THAT I'VE NEVER BEEN AS TRAUMATIZED IN THIS LIFE LIKE I WAS, IN THE 2 YEARS WE LIVED TOGETHER. THE GIRL WAS 2-4, AND THE BOY 6-8. I'VE NEVER KNOWN A NOISIER, TROUBLESOME, STUBBORN DUO THAN THESE TWO. I DARE NOT TRY TO CORRECT THEM OR ELSE THE MOM COMES FOR MY HEAD. IT GOT TO THE EXTENT I CAME BACK HOME AROUND 6PM AND FOUND THE GUY ON TOP A MANGO TREE THAT I'VE NEVER EVEN GONE CLOSE TO SINCE I WAS LIKE 10.. I JUST WALKED PASS LIKE I WAS BLIND CUS TRYING TO SAVE HIM FROM ANY DANGER WILL BRING HIS MOM'S CRAZE TO ME SO I JUST HANDS OFF THEM COMPLETELY, BUT THEY WOULDN'T HANDS OFF ME. SOMETIMES I STAY OUT TILL VERY LATE BEFORE I SNEAK IN CUS ONCE THEY SPOT ME, I'M IN PROBLEMS AND THEY DO NOT LISTEN TO WORDS LIKE STOP OR GO AWAY. SO EITHER I'M AVOIDING THEM OR CHASING THEM AWAY BECAUSE MEHN.. THEY GIVING ME HEADACHES, AND I BECAME THE MOM'S WORST ENEMY. SHE SAY'S I DON'T LIKE THE KIDS BUT I DON'T THINK EVEN JESUS WOULD LIKE SUCH KIDS. AFTER JUST 2 MONTHS WITH ME I STARTED HOPING THINGS GET WELL FOR THEM SO THEY LEAVE ME IN PEACE, PLEASE. ONCE, I ALLOWED THEM HANDLE MY PHONE, LIKE I SEE SOME ADULTS DO. I'M STILL LOOKING FOR HOW I CAN RETRIEVE BACK THE THINGS THE BIG ONE DELETED. ONCE, I LET THEM INTO MY ROOM. NOT LIKE I LIKED THE IDEA BUT I WAS JUST GONNA GO OUT FOR A FEW MINUTES BEFORE I COME TO TELL THEM TO GO AND PLAY ELSEWHERE. BY THE TIME I RETURNED, THEY WERE GONE. BUT MY ROOM LOOKED LIKE THERE WAS A CLASH OF THUGS AND HERDSMEN. THE HIGHEST OF IT WAS WHEN THE GIRL, 3 AT THAT TIME CREATED THE STORY OF ME RUBBING HER WITH MY GENITALS. . NAIRALAND FRONT-PAGE SPECIMEN. MY SAVING GRACE WAS THAT THERE WAS A BUNCH OF PEOPLE AROUND INCLUDING THE MRS WHEN HER BABY DECIDED TO GO BERSERK.. IMAGINE IT WAS JUST TWO OF US ALONE? WHO WOULDN'T HAVE BELIEVED? FROM THAT DAY ONWARDS FOR THE YEAR I DIDN'T HESITATE TO KICK AND PUSH ANY OF THEM IF THEY CAME AS MUCH AS 1KM TO ME, AND EVEN THREATENED TO KILL MRS, MY COUSIN SISTER, IF SHE EVER MAKES ME DO IT.. I WAS VERY ANGRY. I WAS ANGRY THE REMAINING ONE YEAR UNTIL THEY LEFT. THIS IS MY OWN FAMILY. NOW IMAGINE IF I WAS NOT RELATED TO HER BY BLOOD AND WE WERE HAVING A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP. DON'T YOU KNOW I'LL GO CRAZY FINALLY? I DON'T BLAME THE CHILDREN. I BLAME THEIR MOM. I'VE LISTEN TO THE THINGS SHE TELLS THEM, AND I'VE SEEN HOW SHE RAISES THEM, AND I WONDER WHO WILL EVER ENJOY BEING WITH THIS ONE? THE KIDS THINK THEIR DAD IS DEADBEAT, AND DOESN'T CARE ABOUT THEM. THEIR PARENTS HAD SOME ISSUES WHICH LED TO MY COUSIN ABSCONDING WITH THE KIDS, FOR TWO YEARS TO COME LIVE WITH ME.. LIKE TEN STATES APART. IN THAT TWO YEARS I KEPT PLEADING WITH THIS WOMAN TO AT LEAST LET THE GUY SPEAK WITH HIS CHILDREN... FOR WHERE. IN TWO YEARS OGA DIDN'T KNOW WHERE HIS WIFE AND KIDS WERE. NO COMMUNICATION. NOTHING. NOW THE KIDS HATE THE DAD FOR ABANDONING THEM, WHILE ACTUALLY, IT IS THEIR MOM CAUSING CHAOS BECAUSE OF HER PERSONAL ISSUES. NO MATTER WHAT THE PROBLEM IS, YOU DON'T DEPRIVE KIDS OF SPEAKING TO THEIR FATHER FOR 2 WHOLE YEARS. AS A GUYMAN, ARTHUR21, YOU CAN NEVER TRULY BE HAPPY WITH THIS KIND OF INVOLVEMENT. SO YOUR HAPPINESS IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A SINGLE MOM AND THE CHILD DEPENDS ON THE WOMAN AND HOW SHE RAISED HER CHILD. FOR ME AT LEAST. 21 Likes 5 Shares |
Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by Pearly255(f): 8:46am On Feb 24, 2020 |
May God bless you. #Wisdom Truthbites: 3 Likes |
Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by emonis88: 8:46am On Feb 24, 2020 |
WilliamsTheGrea:She is quiet cus she knows that there is a slim. Chance of her getting married being a single mother. Man u ve to man up n tell her u can't raise another man's child cus at the end of the day that boy will go back to the father. Let her choose if she wants to to continue with you or end the relationship. Unless u r ready to do charity work on the boy. 1 Like |
Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by 12inchess: 8:47am On Feb 24, 2020 |
If you cannot raise the kid then there is no point dating the mother. What you have is a complete package. The mum no matter how good she is comes with the kid no matter how errant he is. A kid can always be thought to be well behaved though but you must be willing to put in the work. Get the fact that she will leave her kid for you out of your mind. It will never happen. She should be grateful you're even contributing your money to her kids life. That is supposed to be the responsibility of the biological father. 1 Like |
Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by duchess854: 8:47am On Feb 24, 2020 |
I think you should learn to love the child as yours. Children of his age are generally stubborn especially the male ones. If that child were to be yours, will you send him away because he is stubborn? Of cos no. The most important thing now is to discuss with your family, if they accept the child then have an understanding with the mother on how you can put the child in straight attitude since he's still very young, he's bound to change. Treat him in a way he will believe that you're his father even when his biological father come at the latter, he will still run to you as his father. But if you still have doubt, then let her go to a man who will love her and her child..... 3 Likes |
Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by Truthbites: 8:48am On Feb 24, 2020 |
jawalis: What age u take disvirgin? At 20 were u a virgin? I don't care if u are male or female ..just answer me. . People always quick to judge 1 Like |
Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by Kobicove(m): 8:50am On Feb 24, 2020 |
WilliamsTheGrea: Sincerely speaking I don't think you need all this drama at this early stage of your life. Look for someone else 2 Likes |
Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by Pearly255(f): 8:51am On Feb 24, 2020 |
You are one messed up female ubunja: 1 Like |
Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by Nobody: 8:51am On Feb 24, 2020 |
Lol |
Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by Nobody: 8:52am On Feb 24, 2020 |
WilliamsTheGrea:So why the fvck are you asking us the question since you already know the answer such rubbish. From your replies you are just listening to what you want to hear. This post is useless sorry to say that man. 3 Likes |
Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by Mummymahdi(f): 8:53am On Feb 24, 2020 |
Am a woman, elderly one and I will advice u to quit that R/ship I bet u will never love that kid and problems will never seize in ur marriage till it die. Its so offensive to keep mute in this issue till after 7months. The boy must b a naighty kid for the grandma to quit looking after him. An illegitimate child belonging to another irresponsible man can't be equal with ur own blood . if u are laying foundation of marital life, this won't yield a strong pillar 14 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by dotedote: 8:53am On Feb 24, 2020 |
"If you can't love a kid no matter the circumstance, you'd have same problems with yours for sure" I totally disagree with you. Do you think the saying "Blood is thicker than water" was borne out if sentiments ? Hell No. When his eventually comes and appears more stubborn than the stepson, he'd DEFINITELY not see it that way. He'd come up with defences like "Ralph is just smart" "Ralph just likes moving from one spot to another" |
Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by Mummymahdi(f): 8:55am On Feb 24, 2020 |
dotedote: Its still OK I don't think any1 loves and cherish another man son as his or more than his. The OP is just frank 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by Nobody: 8:55am On Feb 24, 2020 |
WilliamsTheGrea: how radical can a four year old be lol but let the girl go already. while it's obvious you're not yet man enough to raise a child, i myself am not in favour of the deadbeat dad getting a free ride off your back for the next 18 or so years. if your girl was good enough for him to fùck, she should also be good enough to wife! there's also the matter of that tiny little voice that whispers that this girl doesn't love you and is only trying to settle for you because she feels you've got the resources to cater for her child and herself. a lot of single mothers are like that, they naturally put the welfare of their child at the top of relationship priorities, at the expense of gullible men like yourself. don't be a mugu |
Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by Amorprincesa24: 8:56am On Feb 24, 2020 |
You are still young. So you think because you are calm then you will give birth to a calm child? Oga don't deceive yourself. Most toddlers have lots of energy and can play alot. My hubby is very calm but our kids? They are hyperactive. Am not sure you are ready to have kids. How on earth can you not love a child even if it's not yours. Better start showing love to that boy and see him change. Everything is not beating. |
Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by janvier27(m): 8:56am On Feb 24, 2020 |
OP, your perspective about the child will change as you all adjust and mature. There's nothing abnormal about the child's behaviour. See if you can give him a chance and a space in your heart pls. I had a bit similar experience. I grew to love the child possibly more than I could my own biological child. Of course I was hurt at the end when she was taken away from me to spite & hurt me knowing how fond I was of the child. That's a risk you may have to take. Please that child needs love. He's innocent and deserves all the care he can get. I just wonder how a man would impregnate a girl & not look back no matter the circumstances. Best wishes. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by slimlancy88(m): 8:57am On Feb 24, 2020 |
This thread would soon get run down by Nairaland's alphas. None of whom would put their sentiments aside and comment without bias... Op it's obvious the relationship wouldn't work out well because you do not love the child. It's not the womans fault but yours. The child might not be bad but your dislike for raising up another man's son would blind you of any of the kid's good points. You mentioned that you love peace. If you have a child with your girlfriend, would he/her disturb too? Don't waste either your time or hers. Simply let go now... But if she's so good as you have portrayed, know you might be throwing away a diamond to later pick up a mere stone. Only sensible comments I’ve read so far on this topic , OP what if reversed was the case ? What would you have done ? I understand your plights about raising someone else child, it’s not easy to do that to be honest, you need to work on yourself . This kid has been shuffling different homes for the past years and no father figure in his life , if you can learn to love and care for him as the mother , you will forever be grateful to God. My advice to you is talk to God to guide you through this phase , man will only advice you based on there knowledge and it is always biased. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by Missionaire: 8:57am On Feb 24, 2020 |
They cannot be only one diamond in the universe. Think long term. 1 Like |
Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by bekpo(m): 8:59am On Feb 24, 2020 |
U r a very selfish youngman,. If truly u love d mother, why hate her child? Children of that age aren't expected to stay up one place except he's sick. Won't u have ur own child? Will u treat ur children d same way u treat him if they behave d way that boy is behaving? Or do u think he cause it? If truly u love d mother as u claimed, then u need to adopt that child and treat him well, when he grows up, he won't forget u. Cheats. |
Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by Omar09(m): 9:00am On Feb 24, 2020 |
CAPSLOCKED: I have finally discovered his gender! I have finally discovered CAPSLOCKED gender! He's a dude, guys! He's a dude! Yeah at least you get my point being that op couldn't tolerate that kid cause it's not his biological kid and this is the problem most men face when married to SM. |
Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by samuelshosanya(m): 9:02am On Feb 24, 2020 |
you even try oooooooo to even bring in a child that she did not tell you at the beginning of the relationship 5 Likes |
Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by ehmmy11(m): 9:04am On Feb 24, 2020 |
Wonders they say will never end Mr op you never see chum chin ..dont for one second think of marrying her you yourself know you will never truly be happy(my advice).. i know the child feels like a stranger intruding and ruining your perfect plans for her. In my opinion the whole good girl seems too good to be true for me i don't buy that bull crap it's just her covering up for her mess...single mothers do portray this humble God fearing attitude.. How on earth did she get pregnant if she was that good abeg .. You got your options to choose from and know the consequences .. Is your mom and dad not alive? Your mom especially But if you feel the love is too good pls go ahead and marry her and accept the extra baggage 3 Likes |
Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by CarlosTheJackal: 9:04am On Feb 24, 2020 |
I only think you have not done much by loving the child. Try to know the feeling your gf has for you then you can continue from there |
Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by Odemok(m): 9:06am On Feb 24, 2020 |
You can't separate the two, make your choice now. Its either you accept both or you let go. I am sure she loves that boy more than you. 2 Likes |
Re: In A Relationship With A Single Mom; Please Advise by MrSquint: 9:07am On Feb 24, 2020 |
I have two questions for you: 1. What would you do if the child were yours, with a bit of stubbornness? and 2. Can you randomly do good to people that are not related to you ? The people we call children MUST NOT be our biological children alone. Just go ahead and do good without expecting a reward. That child is innocent and is in need of parenting to help him build a good character. You've just said his mom is good, do you want to lose a good woman bcus she has a son. That's not fair. I understand your fears though and I'll say it's natural to feel the way you feel, considering what your family and friends would say. But pls build yourself to grow pass such thoughts and concerns. Do Good regardless Love Regardless 1 Like |
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