1

WTF
Do you have your own children? Whether yes or no.. please take her and train her
Your mom is only angry cos of what your dad did to her..
You are married by God's grace
But the choice is yours to take sha

If this is really the future, then I don't wanna be part of it.

Take good care of her, your mom will soon calm down.. Who knows what the child might become in future

Omolarablg:
I will be brief , my parents separated 15yrs, I’m from a family of 4 , 3 boys and a girl which is me , my parents separated 15yrs ago when I was just 11, my dad has never care for me and my brothers , he was always busy chasing women up and down , he had multiple kids with other women then he later married this woman younger than him , they had 4 children together 3 boys and a girl. Unfortunately last year October his wife died during labour , the baby survived. Now the children are girl 7, boy 4,2, 4 months old , my grand mother ( dad mother) has taken the girl and the 2 oldest boys while the baby is staying with the mom sister , my dad doesn’t care about those children he has been staying with another woman , he doesn’t visit or send them money , my grand mother has been on my neck begging me to collect my sister from her because she has been worrying the environment is not safe for her , have asked my husband for permission to collect the child , he agreed but my mother has disagreed and said if I go and collect the child she will disowned me all her life , and my grand mother can’t stop crying and begging me to come for the girl, I want to help my sister but I don’t want my mom to hate me because she is very serious about it. I’m in a dilemma and confuse , please encourage and advice me

I want to commend you for being good natured.At least you did not keep bitterness against your dad for His careless lifestyle. But for your mum the case us different. She has been hurt and is still being hurt by your Fathers attitude. Therefore it will take some time for her to come to terms with you her daughter wanting to help her "enemy".
I want to suggest you follow her gently and slowly. If she's Christian appeal to her expected Christian virtues.I know its not easy to forgive a spouse such as your father. In the interim you can be paying for the child's upkeep with your grandmother while you sort out the issue with your mum. Don't allow your grandmother push you into having disagreement with your mum who suffered over you when her son became irresponsible. Just my half cent.

Whew! All this intentionally long thing sef.

Anyways, play it politically. Know in your heart of hearts that you would be helping your sister one way or the other but to let peace reign:

1. Tell your grandma to beg your mother instead for approval.

2. Arrange to pick your sis and perhaps send her to a boarding school.

3. Or pick the girl and raise defying all consequences. If your mother chooses to still disown you, so be it. Let's just hope the girl will be of good conduct and won't cause you to regret helping out at the expense of your relationship with your mother eventually.

Good luck.

@Omolarablg

You have a good heart, but your mom is deeply hurt to know that you're willing to take care of the daughter of the same woman who made her lose her marriage, after so many years of suffering. That's just to explain your mom's point of view.

This is a very dicey situation, only God can guide you, but be careful before taking any step...

Omolarablg:
I will be brief , my parents separated 15yrs, I’m from a family of 4 , 3 boys and a girl which is me , my parents separated 15yrs ago when I was just 11, my dad has never care for me and my brothers , he was always busy chasing women up and down , he had multiple kids with other women then he later married this woman younger than him , they had 4 children together 3 boys and a girl. Unfortunately last year October his wife died during labour , the baby survived. Now the children are girl 7, boy 4,2, 4 months old , my grand mother ( dad mother) has taken the girl and the 2 oldest boys while the baby is staying with the mom sister , my dad doesn’t care about those children he has been staying with another woman , he doesn’t visit or send them money , my grand mother has been on my neck begging me to collect my sister from her because she has been worrying the environment is not safe for her , have asked my husband for permission to collect the child , he agreed but my mother has disagreed and said if I go and collect the child she will disowned me all her life , and my grand mother can’t stop crying and begging me to come for the girl, I want to help my sister but I don’t want my mom to hate me because she is very serious about it. I’m in a dilemma and confuse , please encourage and advice me

Since you are willing to help, please go ahead and do so. Your mom will surely come around and if she doesn't there isn't so much you can do. She shouldn't use the innocent children as a pawn to get back at your dad.

GboyegaD:


Since you are willing to help, please go ahead and do so. Your mom will surely come around and if she doesn't there isn't so much you can do. She shouldn't use the innocent children as a pawn to get back at your dad.

It's easy for you to say that my brother, but the poor woman probably went through hell raising this lady and her siblings alone... After so many years of suffering, it's not easy to help anyone related to him. Some of us wouldn't even forgive someone who bashed our cars but we're talking about a lifetime of pain here and letting go just like that? Ko easy man!

Let's thank God this lady is just a saint. She doesn't really have to help anyone going by the father's irresponsible attitude. The man is the only one to blame though.

eduman365:


[b]It's easy for you to say that my brother, but the poor woman probably went through hell raising this lady and her siblings alone...[/b After so many years of suffering, it's not easy to help anyone related to him. Some of us wouldn't even forgive someone who bashed our cars but we're talking about a lifetime of pain here and letting go just like that? Ko easy man!

Let's thank God this lady is just a saint. She doesn't really have to help anyone going by the father's irresponsible attitude. The man is the only one to blame though.

If you feel so, then there is nothing I can say. We should stop being emotional and all she did was to hold the bull by the horn and should be grateful to whatever she believes in that the children grew up rightly. That said, I do not have power to apportion blames and can only respond to the one I was asked to.

sorry to say but your mother has lost her senses... and because she hates your father, she will be blind in this issue. i suggest you do what you believe is RIGHT, and disregard what your mother's actions will be afterwards. hopefully, in due time she will regain her senses!

GboyegaD:


If you feel so, then there is nothing I can say. We should stop being emotional and all she did was to hold the bull by the horn and should be grateful to whatever she believes in that the children grew up rightly. That said, I do not have power to apportion blames and can only respond to the one I was asked to.

Well, your post suggested a bit of unfairness to the mother, which is the only thing I addressed. What did you mean by saying " and if she doesn't come around there isn't much that can be done"? So the lady should ruin the relationship she has with her mother because she's trying to be a good Samaritan? What if something happens to that child under her roof? You don't know human beings oga...

Whether or not the lady should help the child, that's her own decision to make, but let's not ignore the pain someone went through because we all want to appear like good people on paper... A lot of us wouldn't even consider helping in the first place.

MrBrownJay1:
sorry to say but your mother has lost her senses... and because she hates your father, she will be blind in this issue. i suggest you do what you believe is RIGHT, and disregard what your mother's actions will be afterwards. hopefully, in due time she will regain her senses!

Human beings! Is this what the woman deserves after so many years of raising her own children alone? This is a wicked response oga. She has to consider her mom's feeling in her decision making process...

How many of you guys knows what it feels like raising children as a single mother? You are a very callous human being!

@omolarablg your moms opinion matters. Don't be a good Samaritan and forget what she passed through. Seek her permission and be careful. If something happens to that child under your roof, people may end up blaming you... Either ways pray about it.

... ...

... your mother is not thinking rationally. she is just emotional...

... you are responsible for your actions not your mother ...

... what makes us a good person is nothing but the feeling that we have done good ...

eduman365:
Human beings! Is this what the woman deserves after so many years of raising her own children alone? This is a wicked response oga. She has to consider her mom's feeling in her decision making process...

ARRANT NONSENSE!!!!
this daughter can do what she pleases, her mum raised her to have her own mind, and certainly not to be a slave/pawn in her hatred against their father.... whats next? father is homeless and she will disown daughter if she let her father stay with her? that mother is SELFISH/NARROW MINDED and expecting her daughter to not care for her half sister in need is evil to say the least.

How many of you guys knows what it feels like raising children as a single mother? You are a very callous human being!

you must be very deranged if you think that because you were a single parent, you should be against anything related to your baby daddy, and that your kids should follow you in this DELUDED MADNESS of yours. the callous human being in this story is nobody else but the mother and her hatred for the father, hoping to brainwash her kids to be just as evil as she is.

@omolarablg your moms opinion matters. Don't be a good Samaritan and forget what she passed through. Seek her permission and be careful. If something happens to that child under your roof, people may end up blaming you... Either ways pray about it.

of course her mum's opinion matter, but the daughter's opinion (as well as her husband) is what she should follow, regardless of her mother's opinion. she should let her mother know that, since she is against that child, she is no more welcome in her house until she gets her senses back. this half sister is her blood, is her family, is an innocent child that needs her help.... only a very evil person would expect her not to help such child.

eduman365:


Well, your post suggested a bit of unfairness to the mother, which is the only thing I addressed. What did you mean by saying " and if she doesn't come around there isn't much that can be done"? So the lady should ruin the relationship she has with her mother because she's trying to be a good Samaritan? What if something happens to that child under her roof? You don't know human beings oga...

Whether or not the lady should help the child, that's her own decision to make, but let's not ignore the pain someone went through because we all want to appear like good people on paper... A lot of us wouldn't even consider helping in the first place.

Anyways, I believe I have outgrown all these sentiments a long while ago. I am not being unfair and the best I could advice was based off on if I were in her shoes. She has the decision to make and should go ahead with what she wants irrespective of how any other person feels.

MrBrownJay1:


ARRANT NONSENSE!!!!
this daughter can do what she pleases, her mum raised her to have her own mind, and certainly not to be a slave/pawn in her hatred against their father.... whats next? father is homeless and she will disown daughter if she let her father stay with her? that mother is SELFISH/NARROW MINDED and expecting her daughter to not care for her half sister in need is evil to say the least.



you must be very deranged if you think that because you were a single parent, you should be against anything related to your baby daddy, and that your kids should follow you in this DELUDED MADNESS of yours. the callous human being in this story is nobody else but the mother and her hatred for the father, hoping to brainwash her kids to be just as evil as she is.



of course her mum's opinion matter, but the daughter's opinion (as well as her husband) is what she should follow, regardless of her mother's opinion. she should let her mother know that, since she is against that child, she is no more welcome in her house until she gets her senses back. this half sister is her blood, is her family, is an innocent child that needs her help.... only a very evil person would expect her not to help such child.

I am a man like you and I know what it means to be raised by a single mother without any help from any extended family member.

From your post, you must be one of those irresponsible baby daddies as you're trying to defend someone's irresponsible acts in the name of helping. You have probably impregnated women about without caring for your kids or your baby mamas' welfare, I know your type.

The final decision is the lady's to make. But be careful before you spew trash about other people's sufferings. And you even called the poor woman evil... You are a heartless human being.

eduman365:
I am a man like you and I know what it means to be raised by a single mother without help from any external family member.

i am a man, who raised a child on my own for a great part of his life, would never think of either turning him against his mother (no matter how much i dont like her actions) nor would i ever try to force him to make decisions in life because of my selfish desires. as soon as he is an adult, i can only advise a child about the possible consequences of their actions, but at the end of the day, it will always be THEIR choices, and i will love them just the same, whatever they decide.

asking/forcing a child to hate a parent, is indirectly teaching a child to hate his own self

From your post, you must be one of those irresponsible baby daddies as you're trying to defend someone's irresponsible acts in the name of helping. You have probably impregnated women about without caring for your kids or your baby mamas' welfare, I know your type.

we have all been irresponsible in life...the fact that you cannot forgive someone, to the point where it is putting negative cloud over your judgment is the sad part here. stop ASSUMING rubbish, it makes an ASS of U and ME ... and instead of being a selfish careless deluded human being who will think about whats best for your senseless mother, open your eyes and look at whats BEST FOR THAT CHILD

The final decision is the lady's to make. But be careful before you spew trash about other people's sufferings. And you even called the poor woman evil... Well I blame the OP for being a bit insensible.

the mother is not suffering, she is just bitter and hating baby daddy and expect her daughter to do the same senseless act....and because daughter may actually love her dad, mother is upset. here is something that you deluded people dont understand....whether baby daddy was irresponsible, whether he beat baby mama, whether he was the worst father ever, most children would still love both their parents, as hard as it may be for the parent who raised that child on their own. the sad part here, is when a parent would try to FORCE their kids to hate the parent who wasnt present.

the lady and her husband already made up their mind to ACT RIGHT, like any human being with a heart would. the funny part here is that i am sure her mother will later go to her place of worship and call herself a good human being. lol!

MrBrownJay1:


i am a man, who raised a child on my own for a great part of his life, would never think of either turning him against his mother (no matter how much i dont like her actions) nor would i ever try to force him to make decisions in life because of my selfish desires. as soon as he is an adult, i can only advise a child about the possible consequences of their actions, but at the end of the day, it will always be THEIR choices, and i will love them just the same, whatever they decide.

asking/forcing a child to hate a parent, is indirectly teaching a child to hate his own self



we have all been irresponsible in life...the fact that you cannot forgive someone, to the point where it is putting negative cloud over your judgment is the sad part here. stop ASSUMING rubbish, it makes an ASS of U and ME ... and instead of being a selfish careless deluded human being who will think about whats best for your senseless mother, open your eyes and look at whats BEST FOR THAT CHILD



the mother is not suffering, she is just bitter and hating baby daddy and expect her daughter to do the same senseless act....and because daughter may actually love her dad, mother is upset. here is something that you deluded people dont understand.

Can you see what you wrote yourself? If you as a single dad, a divorced man, would write all this, it only means you are seeing things from your own perspective, knowing fully well that you do not have all your kids with one woman...

Now we are talking about raising 4 kids alone by a woman and you think we should ignore that part. If you as a man knows what it takes to raise just one, how harder is it for that woman to raise 4? How has she been hateful towards the man? If this lady ends up regretting her actions in the future, you wouldn't be here to counsel her...

Mr man, you are just an epitome of wickedness! I won't reply you anymore.

eduman365:
Can you see what you wrote yourself? If you as a single dad, a divorced man, would write all this, it only means you are seeing things from your own perspective, knowing fully well that you do not have all your kids with one woman...

stop writing rubbish and instead think of the WELLBEING OF CHILDREN... just because a man has children with multiple women DOES NOT mean that he does not take care of his children. get your mind out of the gutter instead of talking rubbish on this issue.

but hey, if you believe that being a baby mama means that the biological father isnt caring/raising/educating his kids (emotionally, physically and financially), then no wonder you know nothing about the above subject.

Now we are talking about raising 4 kids alone by a woman and you think we should ignore that part. If you as a man knows what it takes to raise just one, how harder is it for that woman to raise 4? How has she been hateful towards the man? If this lady ends up regretting her actions in the future, you wouldn't be here to counsel her...

you are writing NONSENSE on this thread.... so this mother had 4 kids for a deadbeat man but its ok to force these kids to hate the man that MAMA open her legs to FOUR TIMES?! the mother is the useless person here, SHE made the mistake of having 4 kids by a deadbeat man...and now she is trying to erase/correct her mistake by hating that useless father... but guess what?! no matter how useless a parent is, there is NO JUSTIFICATION for forcing a child to hate his parent, NONE!

Mr man, you are just an epitome of wickedness! I won't reply you anymore.

you want to force a child to hate his biological parent (and anything associated with him), even though that child doesnt want to, but i am the wicked one?!?!? bwaaaaaaah! you people are the true DEVILS of this world!

eduman365:



I am a man like you and I know what it means to be raised by a single mother without any help from any extended family member.

From your post, you must be one of those irresponsible baby daddies as you're trying to defend someone's irresponsible acts in the name of helping. You have probably impregnated women about without caring for your kids or your baby mamas' welfare, I know your type.

The final decision is the lady's to make. But be careful before you spew trash about other people's sufferings. And you even called the poor woman evil... You are a heartless human being.

Na you get sense pass for this thread I beg.

Send stuff to your grandma to help her in caring for the child. Don’t take the child into your home. It’s not your responsibility. Even if you must, not right away. A lot of things have to be ironed out including your mom’s feelings.

What about the baby’s grandma and the family on her late mom’s side? Let everyone chip in since your dad is now a community problem.

I can’t even believe this story. Like for real?
New account with all the markers of fakeness but let’s roll with it.

Omolarablg:
I will be brief , my parents separated 15yrs, I’m from a family of 4 , 3 boys and a girl which is me , my parents separated 15yrs ago when I was just 11, my dad has never care for me and my brothers , he was always busy chasing women up and down , he had multiple kids with other women then he later married this woman younger than him , they had 4 children together 3 boys and a girl. Unfortunately last year October his wife died during labour , the baby survived. Now the children are girl 7, boy 4,2, 4 months old , my grand mother ( dad mother) has taken the girl and the 2 oldest boys while the baby is staying with the mom sister , my dad doesn’t care about those children he has been staying with another woman , he doesn’t visit or send them money , my grand mother has been on my neck begging me to collect my sister from her because she has been worrying the environment is not safe for her , have asked my husband for permission to collect the child , he agreed but my mother has disagreed and said if I go and collect the child she will disowned me all her life , and my grand mother can’t stop crying and begging me to come for the girl, I want to help my sister but I don’t want my mom to hate me because she is very serious about it. I’m in a dilemma and confuse , please encourage and advice me

This your Dad is a serial reproducer.
This is 8 confirmed children. He might have up to 15 or 20 children.
We as a society need to do more for men to actually take more responsibility for their children. He abandoned 4 kids in the past. Now he is abandoning another 4 to go produce another set.
.
Let the maternal family of the children pitch in.
Support them with money and help send the kids to school.
But raising the child/children is not your responsibility. It is the responsibility of the irresponsible father.

cococandy:
Send stuff to your grandma to help her in caring for the child. Don’t take the child into your home. It’s not your responsibility. Even if you must, or right away. A lot of things have to be ironed out including your mom’s feelings.

What about the baby’s grandma and the family on her late mom’s side? Let everyone chip in since your dad is now a community problem.

I can’t even believe this story. Like for real?
New account with all the markers of fakeness but let’s roll with it.

She's just a naive person, honestly...

listen to your mother, don't fall for the tricks of Grandma.

Grandma raised her son so she must take care of the fall out of his irresponsible lifestyle. I may be wrong but when your parents had issues where was Grandma? was she in the picture? did she assist? as person lay him bed na so he go lie on top am.

for the minor girl, whatever u do don't take her. it will create unnecessary angst. from you turn your half sister to house girl to all the drama the girl will bring.
that's my thought

Gwagone:
WTF
Do you have your own children? Whether yes or no.. please take her and train her
Your mom is only angry cos of what your dad did to her..
You are married by God's grace
But the choice is yours to take sha

Thank you I have a 2 years old daughter and pregnant with another one

laka2016:

I want to commend you for being good natured.At least you did not keep bitterness against your dad for His careless lifestyle. But for your mum the case us different. She has been hurt and is still being hurt by your Fathers attitude. Therefore it will take some time for her to come to terms with you her daughter wanting to help her "enemy".
I want to suggest you follow her gently and slowly. If she's Christian appeal to her expected Christian virtues.I know its not easy to forgive a spouse such as your father. In the interim you can be paying for the child's upkeep with your grandmother while you sort out the issue with your mum. Don't allow your grandmother push you into having disagreement with your mum who suffered over you when her son became irresponsible. Just my half cent.

Thank you I have been sending upkeep money since December , my grand mother said the reason she want me to collect her because she is weak and tired , she doesn’t have a strength to drop and pick her from school , she goes to school alone , always wondering the street till late 6pm and the environment is not safe, she is afraid of her being rape or kidnapped, she want her to be with me because she will be safe and will have time to supervise her. my mom happiness comes first because she has suffered a lot for us , I don’t want to disappoint her but I also want to help my sister because she is innocent and doesn’t deserve to suffer because of our dad mistake

Fake story everywhere, what happened to the child maternal grandmother or father? What of the uncles and aunts. You are obviously looking for househelp, tomorrow you will open another thread to tell us about your husband being to close to your step sister. Now is grandma story, where was grandma when your mom was doing it alone?

Graxie:
Fake story everywhere, what happened to the child maternal grandmother or father? What of the uncles and aunts. You are obviously looking for househelp, tomorrow you will open another thread to tell us about your husband being to close to your step sister. Now is grandma story, where was grandma when your mom was doing it alone?

I’m not here to talk about my parents separation , I will answer your questions. 1. My step mother was 31 she got married to my dad against her family wishes , all her family abandoned and wanted nothing to do with her , it was only after the burial , out of pity that her sister agreed to only take the baby and leave the rest with my grand mother. 2. I’m not looking for a house help because I already have one even if I didn’t have any , there is no way I can maltreat my sister , I want to train her for better future because my dad has 18 kids with different women and she is the only sister I have , I want the best for her

Omolarablg:

I’m not here to talk about my parents separation , I will answer your questions. 1. My step mother was 31 she got married to my dad against her family wishes , all her family abandoned and wanted nothing to do with her , it was only after the burial , out of pity that her sister agreed to only take the baby and leave the rest with my grand mother. 2. I’m not looking for a house help because I already have one even if I didn’t have any , there is no way I can maltreat my sister , I want to train her for better future because my dad has 18 kids with different women and she is the only sister I have , I want the best for her

You are a sweet soul
Can you try convincing your mum? Hope you understand the reasons she's not letting go?

Grandma should talk to her son to take responsibility for his kids. Besides, where are your uncles and aunties? (Is your dad grandma's only child?)

I wouldn't place that 'burden' on myself, with or without threats. As per your mom's threats to disown you over this matter, that doesn't sound right. She needs to drop the bitterness. Make this your immediate priority. Hating on your dad wouldn't do her any good. She risks being labelled a witch if she fails to drop the bitterness. Hate is not the opposite of love. If you don't love a person, you can be indifferent.