Hi Famlanders, Please I need your advice. I beg you all to save a sister. I have to bring this here coz I know it's where I will get wonderful contributions. Again, I am using this new account coz I have friends and customers here. I don't want to blow my cover. Please this is real and not fiction. This will be quite lengthy, please bear with me.

I met this guy in 2013 when I was in year one. It was not a steady relationship coz we barely call nor see so I didn't take him serious. And whenever we see, it was always at one friends house or another. I accused him of being married but he vehemently denied it. Later on I figured out he had accommodation issue after he lost his job. He later rented a house when he got another job with one of our prestigious federal universities here in Nigeria and that was when things became serious (kinda).

We became very serious around 2016 that is why I count it as 5 years instead of 7. But then during one of my visits, I was sleeping in the room when I overheard him talking to someone but the only thing that caught my attention was when he said "I don't even have a girlfriend". Though I didn't confront him, but I thought about it deeply.

Two nights ago, I had a dream where he was getting married to another lady. I was crying while he was still saying he loves me but can't marry me. I confronted him yesterday, he said I am pressurizing him to marry me that was after he first asked what will happen if we don't end up together. He hasn't told me where the relationship is leading to after 5 years. We have been living for the moment. Just for the moment!

Few info about the relationship
1) He will be 40 this November while I am 27.
2. He has always had numerous girlfriends that when he's with them, he doesn't pick my calls though he always apologizes and he's trying his best this year.

3. He always send pictures of other women to his friends to let them know they are the people he wish to marry but never has he sent mine. Though he claims he's not doing it again.

4. From the look of things he's still searching while he wants to have me all to himself. Maybe a second option since the others are not accepting him and I love him foolishly.

5. The relationship is 50 -50 .We spend on each other. He believes it's the woman's duty to do all the house chores but not the man's duty to take care of the woman.

6. On his Fathers burial last year, 3 of his girlfriends came (me inclusive) and we all wore the burial uniform. Together, we served his guests even when we realized we are dating same man. His neighbors were giggling and gossiping but we all decided to be matured and work together.

7. When my sister that raised me died, he didn't come for the burial. his reason was he had supervision that day in school,same person that calls his colleague to cover for him during exam supervision so he could do other things. He also didn't send me any money but he questioned me for not giving him any money for his Father's burial. Even when I paid him excess for the burial uniform. I know why I did that. Mind you, he has asked me before if he can give one of his ex 10k during her Father's burial which I agreed and he sent her the money.

8. I have rejected some suitors who were willing to marry me coz of him. Though he has never encouraged me to accept any of them. In fact he gets angry hearing that another man is coming close to me.

9. He doesn't call often, I do more of the calling though he always return my calls. He can stay for days without calling unless I call. I know I have been the one holding the relationship coz I thought he will change.

10. Sine 2017 till last year, all I did was forgive him coz I love him. He keeps bringing new / different ladies into the picture. I have gone through a lot of emotional stress. He keeps asking me to stay that he loves me but he's confused.

His good side: He's understanding, motivates me to do my best, he doesn't hit me, he is gentle.

Me on the other hand is sometimes stubborn though very faithful coz I love him to a fault. I easily get angry but forgives easily. When I'm angry I talk so much but I don't abuse him. He is simply the cause of all my anger. He always say I am very understanding, a good girl, drama free but yet he doesn't want to marry me and won't let me go too. I have never involved a third party in our relationship except my late sister who said she wish I will walk away from the relationship because I love the guy more, that it won't end well. All my friends thinks I have a perfect relationship because I don't discuss him with them.

Back to last night, I told him I won't call him again coz he said I am pressurizing him to marry me. The truth is I have seen the hand writing on the wall, not today but two years ago but I keep going back. Please I need advice on how not to go back again. The love he proclaims for me is not enough for him to marry. I have wasted enough time already. Maybe hearing the raw truth here will help.

Kindly port before it is too late if you feel you are not in his plans for marriage... Forget the 5 yrs!
It is better to lose 5 years than a lifetime of regrets.

Now to the raw truth: DO NOT BE A FOOL IN LOVE WHEN THERE ARE OTHER MEN OUT THERE LOOKONG FOR SOMEONE LIKE YOU!!!
RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!!

Keep him at arm's length, make sure u make plans to date and accept proposal from other serious suitors.
Because from your post he has lost interest in marrying you and the relationship

hopeforcharles:

Are u a fool? When you know his sweet talks will cause u harm, just pretend you have heard him, if I will suggest reduce all the wifey duties you do in his house, and if possible outrightly breakup or else see you @ Shiloh 2027 asking God why your own dey always become different

Kai... Things we read daily that we think common sense can handle... Naija ehn

There was a guy on one thread one time that made a wonderful comment about 'old midnight newspaper men' and their weariness to settle down.

You didn't take your time enough to study this guy and see he's just a player/non-committal guy.He showed signs of unseriouness from the beginning.
I will advise you to move on.This guy really doesn't want to settle and definitely won't settle for you.
Block his calls.Stop calling him.Block him on social media.It will hurt for a few days but you will get over it Better than just giving free kpekus to a guy who won't marry you and you are 27yrs already.

Should we tell her?

Chai! Biko leave him alone and go find yours! That guy is a no gooder for you biko. Before you know it, he will turn you into " I dated a guy for 10yrs"! I did baby...so take it from a veteran and run

@Ineedtoheal
A man that has been having sex with you for more than 5 years will always have you at his beck and call... It's called SOUL TIE. That's probably the only reason you keep going back to him cos you know he doesn't treat you right, from all you have written.

You girls are usually the cause of the emotional maltreatment you face from guys. But I won't talk much about that. Even your late sister asked you to leave the relationship, but you didn't listen.

It's a hard choice to make, I agree, but once you let go, you'll meet someone truly deserving.

Shibaraba:
Should we tell her?

I already told her! Poor girl!

This is the biggest idiotic mugu of a lady that I've ever met in recent time.

Funny thing is that she's even literate and well educated.

All the village illiterate girls I ever met will never allow a man to toy with them to this extent let alone a supposed graduate living in a feminism dominated era.

The grand emotional deception called love have turned people to useless nonentities.

It's a painful situation but you have to move on... If all you said it's the truth then he is the loser...

You too mumu

GraGra247:
This is the biggest idiotic mugu of a lady that I've ever met in recent time.

Funny thing is that she's even literate and well educated.

All the village illiterate girls I ever met will never allow a man to toy with them to this extent let alone a supposed graduate living in a feminism dominated era.

The grand emotional deception called love have turned people to useless nonentities.

It is not her fault, she's just so trusting and grounded. Sometimes, we act unlike ourselves when the issue is in our closets. Funny thing is that she would look back in two years time and wondered if she was under a spell. Bear with her biko.

dawnomike:
Kindly port before it is too late if you feel you are not in his plans for marriage... Forget the 5 yrs!
It is better to lose 5 years than a lifetime of regrets.

Now to the raw truth: DO NOT BE A FOOL IN LOVE WHEN THERE ARE OTHER MEN OUT THERE LOOKONG FOR SOMEONE LIKE YOU!!!
RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!!

Thanks so much I will have to try this time.

hopeforcharles:
Keep him at arm's length, make sure u make plans to date and accept proposal from other serious suitors.
Because frlm your post he has lost interest in marrying you.

I wish he will let me be and not try sweet talking me into opening my heart to him again.

Ehn Ehn. Eeeyaaahh. Oma se ooo. S'omo ree S'obinrin ree Se graduate de le leyi shaaa??

LordIsaac:
Kai... Things we read daily that we think common sense can handle... Naija ehn

Pray not to be in my shoes someday coz even common sense will fail you.

Aunty you too dey talk ....carry your bag and go


He didn't have any intention to marry you.period

thorpido:
There was a guy on one thread one time that made a wonderful comment about 'old midnight newspaper men' and their weariness to settle down.

You didn't take your time enough to study this guy and see he's just a player/non-committal guy.He showed signs of unseriouness from the beginning.
I will advise you to move on.This guy really doesn't want to settle and definitely won't settle for you.
Block his calls.Stop calling him.Block him on social media.It will hurt for a few days but you will get over it Better than just giving free kpekus to a guy who won't marry you and you are 27yrs already.

He's not my friend on social media except WhatsApp that we chat once in a while. Wait till evening and you see his texts and calls pouring in. I have blocked him on severally but once I forgive him, I will unblock him again.

sisisioge:
Chai! Biko leave him alone and go find yours! That guy is a no gooder for you biko. Before you know it, he will turn you into " I dated a guy for 10yrs"! I did baby...so take it from a veteran and run

Thanks sis. I'm praying for the will power to do that. it's as if I am powerless when it comes to him.

eduman365:
@Ineedtoheal

You are addicted to him, maybe because of the the constant sex and being a good girl, you don't want to share your body with other men. It's called a soul tie. Whereas a guy who has multiple sex partners has little bits of emotional ties with each one...

A man that has been having sex with you for more than 5 years will always have you at his beck and call... That's probably the only reason you keep going back to him cos you know he doesn't treat you right, from all you have written.

You girls are usually the cause of the emotional maltreatment you face from guys. But I won't talk much about that. Even your late sister asked you to leave the relationship, but you didn't listen.

It's a hard choice to make I agree, but once you let go, you'll meet someone truly deserving.

I will try harder this time.

Chai! Don't you hear the saying that "A fool at 40 is a fool forever" Trust me, that your guy will never marry in the next 10 years. See, some people are so confused with their lives that their confusion affects the other party lives if the other party isn't careful hence the other party lives gets grounded too. Sadly, you're a victim. Please, give it your very best to let go of the guy now if not for anything but to reserve the quality of the Puscy for the next guy. Let the next guy see some quality something chop too abeg. Edakun!

After 5 years?
Nne please find your square root
From your story, it is clear, even to the blind that he has no plans for you. Stop wasting your precious time with him, he is standing in the way of your blessings. Allow your Ishmael to go so your Isaac can come

My two cents!

Ineedtoheal:

Pray not to be in my shoes someday coz even common sense will fail you.

But madam, what more do you expect us to tell you... The signs are there... Haba...

There is this question that has always been on my mind about relationships between the sexes, why do Nigerian girls think once a man is in relationship with them it must lead to marriage?
And once the relationship starts they will start counting years etc.
Must it always lead to marriage?
Can't they just enjoy the moment?
With the way divorce has skyrocketed in recent times, one wonders why these relationships are always all about marriage for most ladies.
I'm just asking ni o
Before people crucify me.

hopeforcharles:
Keep him at arm's length, make sure u make plans to date and accept proposal from other serious suitors.
Because frlm your post he has lost interest in marrying you.

The ball is in your court! Just read the write up again as if it's another person's own. Then what advice will you give to that person? Any advice you think is suitable for this matter, Then apply it to your own case..... The greatest trauma and depression is Emotional problem........ If u will take everyone's advice so far, JUST WALK AWAY. time heals. You will get better. Call me or whatsapp me 07038109881

Ineedtoheal:

I wish he will let me be and not try sweet talking me into opening my heart to him again.

Are u a fool? When you know his sweet talks will cause u harm, just pretend you have heard him, if I will suggest reduce all the wifey duties you do in his house, and if possible outrightly breakup or else see you @ Shiloh 2027 asking God why your own dey always become different

BLEMOSEDU:
There is this question that has always been on my mind about relationships between the sexes, why do Nigerian girls think once a man is in relationship with them it must lead to marriage?
And once the relationship starts they will start counting years etc.
Must it always lead to marriage?
Can't they just enjoy the moment?
With the way divorce has skyrocketed in recent times, one wonders why these relationships are always all about marriage for most ladies.
I'm just asking ni o
Before people crucify me.

No one says it must lead to marriage oga. why keep what you don't need? If You really don't see yourself in few years time with someone, why waste their time? did you really read all I wrote? coz if you did, you wouldn't have make this comment.
I have begged him on several occasions to end things with me if he knows we don't have a future together but he refused. Mind you, it's not just a Nigerian thing. you guys are so quick in calling Nigerian girls out.

sisisioge:


It is not her fault, she's just so trusting and grounded. Sometimes, we act unlike ourselves when the issue is in our closets. Funny thing is that she would look back in two years time and wondered if she was under a spell. Bear with her biko.

I agree with you but most ladies always allow their emotions to drive them to "slavish" attachment once they meet a good looking successful man.

Take it from me there's no sensible advice anyone will give her here that she will eventually adhere to.

Once the man talks to her with sweet words she'll run back into his arms and waste another 10 years giving an idiot free sex without marriage.

Its called Soul-tie. Women enjoy it a lot. It like a chronic addiction, highly possessive. I already discussed it partially on this thread:

https://www.nairaland.com/5686294/true-love-fake-love

Ineedtoheal:

Thanks sis. I'm praying for the will power to do that. it's as if I am powerless when it comes to him.

Dont waste time anymore, just do it!

While this last bit may not be too good, the best way to get over a man is to get under another...not literally o. Rebounds take your mind off a guy like they dont exist.

faithugo64:
After 5 years?
Nne please find your square root
From your story, it is clear, even to the blind that he has no plans for you. Stop wasting your precious time with him, he is standing in the way of your blessings. Allow your Ishmael to go so your Isaac can come

My two cents!

Maybe I forgot to add this, he said its a spiritual thing. That it didn't start with me.

Ineedtoheal:

I will try harder this time.

Great! And the earlier the better. Life isn't worth being someone's slave, cos that's just emotional slavery.