Please I want reasonable opinion from responsible people.

I got married 12years ago and have 3 kids. His elder brother is a family friend and my dad knows their family quite well, especially his older siblings.
He does not live in the country but visits 4 times a year, during those visits, he spends about a month or two. Before someone says I Married him for money, I didn't. As at the time we got married he had NOTHING, in fact he was sharing a 2bedroom flat with his elder sister in a remote part of Lagos and drives a rickety Audi, but he was this type of person that wants to be seen as a multi millionaire, he is so desperate to put out a certain public image. Yes he is doing quite well now, but he isnt rich.
During the haydays of the marriage, as at then, camera phones were not rampant, so I picked up his Sony camera when he came back from abroad just to view pictures, then I saw him in a 3some, in fact it was an òrgy because I could hear other people's voices in the video. I confronted him about it and he begged. Later i also found out that he was sleeping with his secretary in Nigeria. It was on Valentine's day that year, I begged this man to stay home so we can celebrate valentine at home, but he refused asking me if valentine is the food we will eat, but I had a hunch and decided to go to his office only to see him sharing a bottle of red wine with his secretary and some other people. He later didn't come home that day as he said he went to the island to see a business partner and was stuck in traffic so he decided to sleep at his business partners. But i later saw his chat and it happemed that he lodged in a hotel with the secretary to placate her for me coming to the office.
Recently I called him when he travelled to the village, but he didn't know we didn't hang up the call and I heard him propositioning a hooker. I confronted him and he got defensive. So I decided to hack his whatsapp. It was then I found out tgat this man is the most irresponsible man alive. I saw a chat with a Tanzanian girl he met on flight and he booked a two-way ticket for this girl to come and meet him in Dubai. What broke my heart the most was that he told me he had an urgent deal and had to travel to his country of residence. Last Thursday, he told me he was going to for a friends childnaming ceremony, I asked to go with him and he declined only for me to see his chat where he was booking a hooker to go with him. I also saw his chat where he was telling one to come and meet him at an upscale hotel in my area where the least room is 35k. The girl asked if they accept short rest there, he said that he will pay full and the girl can stay back to rest afterwards. But whenever you ask this man for money fornhomekeeping ,he will say there's no money tgat business is bad.
Recently we started a building project in the village and I committed almost 4m of my own money (My mom warned me not to try it). We already have a 3b3droom apartment in same compound but we are building a bigger one now. Instead of him to be sleeping there, he opted to stay in a hotel for over two weeks. We agreed he should be as discrete as possible when he goes for the project, but this man packed 2 other tagalongs and paid for their rooms too where they were taking pròstitutes.
Everytime, he will say there is no money. When travelling, he will drop 15k for me and 4kids while he pays his hookers as much as 50k, in fact there is one he is paying her houserent. I contacted one and she said she asked him for assistance for her sick child, and he said he will only help if they have sex and he paid her 30k , all these while the children's fees have not been paid.
He keeps very irresponsible and backward thinking friends who empower his behaviour. I saw a chat where he and his friend were passing around a particular hooker. The funny thing is that before he has 5 lines of chatbwith these girls, they start bringing all their family problems and he will ask for account number.
Currently, I have herpes and the gynecologist said it's untreatable, I confronted my husband and he denied any wrong doing. Ever since I Married this man, heaven knows that no man has ever come close to my body. I always saw packs of antibiotics in his car but I never knew he was always popping them after having unprotected sex withbtge hookers. Every part of the country he visits, he has a load of callgirls at his beckand call.
I feels so used and heartbroken because I have dedicated my entire being to make this marriage work. Sometimes I go on days of fasting for this man whenever he has a downturn in his business, but I never knew he was the one invalidating the prayers with his waywardness. He goes about telling his whòres that he isnt married. One of them I contacted told me that he is a serial womanizer and never uses protection.
Before anyone ask me what I bring tontge table, I own a flourishing business. I can afford to travel to Dubai to bring my wares. Yes he started the business for me, but that's just it and that was 10yrs ago. I'm tired of this man, whenever I see him I start feeling murderous. But I do not want another person raising my kids. I feel terribly sad.

ok

Madam, leave the man before you end up with HIV.

If you can contribute 4m to the project in the village, you can live by yourself with the kids.

When he's ready to be married and shows signs he has left his philandering ways, then you can go back.

Divorce him before he gives you HIV

Wht exactly is making you stay with him?
He doesn't provide or spend time with the family
He isn't faithful
He is putting your life at risk


Why are you delaying your seperation?

You cannot change your husband.
You can either put up with him and probably sacrifice your peace and health(STDs) or you can step out of your comfort zone and leave him.

InDistress:

I'm tired of this man, whenever I see him I start feeling murderous. But I do not want another person raising my kids. I feel terribly sad.

No go murder person pikin and spend your life in jail. I hear that's the trend now.

It's better to leave than do something you will regret.

Sorry

InDistress:
Please I want reasonable opinion from responsible people.

I got married 12years ago and have 3 kids. His elder brother is a family friend and my dad knows their family quite well, especially his older siblings.
He does not live in the country but visits 4 times a year, during those visits, he spends about a month or two. Before someone says I Married him for money, I didn't. As at the time we got married he had NOTHING, in fact he was sharing a 2bedroom flat with his elder sister in a remote part of Lagos and drives a rickety Audi, but he was this type of person that wants to be seen as a multi millionaire, he is so desperate to put out a certain public image. Yes he is doing quite well now, but he isnt rich.
During the haydays of the marriage, as at then, camera phones were not rampant, so I picked up his Sony camera when he came back from abroad just to view pictures, then I saw him in a 3some, in fact it was an òrgy because I could hear other people's voices in the video. I confronted him about it and he begged. Later i also found out that he was sleeping with his secretary in Nigeria. It was on Valentine's day that year, I begged this man to stay home so we can celebrate valentine at home, but he refused asking me if valentine is the food we will eat, but I had a hunch and decided to go to his office only to see him sharing a bottle of red wine with his secretary and some other people. He later didn't come home that day as he said he went to the island to see a business partner and was stuck in traffic so he decided to sleep at his business partners. But i later saw his chat and it happemed that he lodged in a hotel with the secretary to placate her for me coming to the office.
Recently I called him when he travelled to the village, but he didn't know we didn't hang up the call and I heard him propositioning a hooker. I confronted him and he got defensive. So I decided to hack his whatsapp. It was then I found out tgat this man is the most irresponsible man alive. I saw a chat with a Tanzanian girl he met on flight and he booked a two-way ticket for this girl to come and meet him in Dubai. What broke my heart the most was that he told me he had an urgent deal and had to travel to his country of residence. Last Thursday, he told me he was going to for a friends childnaming ceremony, I asked to go with him and he declined only for me to see his chat where he was booking a hooker to go with him. I also saw his chat where he was telling one to come and meet him at an upscale hotel in my area where the least room is 35k. The girl asked if they accept short rest there, he said that he will pay full and the girl can stay back to rest afterwards. But whenever you ask this man for money fornhomekeeping ,he will say there's no money tgat business is bad.
Recently we started a building project in the village and I committed almost 4m of my own money (My mom warned me not to try it). We already have a 3b3droom apartment in same compound but we are building a bigger one now. Instead of him to be sleeping there, he opted to stay in a hotel for over two weeks. We agreed he should be as discrete as possible when he goes for the project, but this man packed 2 other tagalongs and paid for their rooms too where they were taking pròstitutes.
Everytime, he will say there is no money. When travelling, he will drop 15k for me and 4kids while he pays his hookers as much as 50k, in fact there is one he is paying her houserent. I contacted one and she said she asked him for assistance for her sick child, and he said he will only help if they have sex and he paid her 30k , all these while the children's fees have not been paid.
He keeps very irresponsible and backward thinking friends who empower his behaviour. I saw a chat where he and his friend were passing around a particular hooker. The funny thing is that before he has 5 lines of chatbwith these girls, they start bringing all their family problems and he will ask for account number.
Currently, I have herpes and the gynecologist said it's untreatable, I confronted my husband and he denied any wrong doing. Ever since I Married this man, heaven knows that no man has ever come close to my body. I always saw packs of antibiotics in his car but I never knew he was always popping them after having unprotected sex withbtge hookers. Every part of the country he visits, he has a load of callgirls at his beckand call.
I feels so used and heartbroken because I have dedicated my entire being to make this marriage work. Sometimes I go on days of fasting for this man whenever he has a downturn in his business, but I never knew he was the one invalidating the prayers with his waywardness. He goes about telling his whòres that he isnt married. One of them I contacted told me that he is a serial womanizer and never uses protection.
Before anyone ask me what I bring tontge table, I own a flourishing business. I can afford to travel to Dubai to bring my wares. Yes he started the business for me, but that's just it and that was 10yrs ago. I'm tired of this man, whenever I see him I start feeling murderous. But I do not want another person raising my kids. I feel terribly sad.

Nollywood

CHoccolaTE:
Divorce him before he gives you HIV

Wht exactly is making you stay with him?
He doesn't provide or spend time with the family
He isn't faithful
He is putting your life at risk


Why are you delaying your seperation?

My dad is a very conservative man and will be broken if I leave. My younger sister left her husband for same infidelity and my parents haven't heard the last of it from neighbours and gossips. I don't wantbtonput them through emotional stress. My husband's elder brother separated from his wife over 30yrs ago over infidelity and all tgeir children amounted to nothing, I feel scared for my kids.

You better leave this brostitute before he adds HIV to that incurable herpes he has given you, smdh

We all have our challenges. If you wish to remain with him, consider insisting on protections when meeting. I imagine you'll know at least one responsible person who has some kind of hold on him and who he listens to and who with time can influence him positively. You may approach that person. Continue to build your business, keep safe & let him wish to be like you, and hopefully he'll turn round before he destroys himself.

This man has the most backward and crass mindset I've ever seen. I just completed my OND when we got married and he never let me further because he felt I will begin to challenge him if I'm too educated.
Whenever he is travelling to the village, he goes with a deluge of tagalongs. People that live same lifestyle and mindset. When we started the project at home, I told him to not let anyone know until you can't hide it. Mainly because there is a politician in my town who he handles contracts for and the politician is owing him a lot of money. I told him that of the man finds out he is starting a Project, the man may feel that he has money. Do youbknow that this man still went and called the politicians younger brother to come and check out his project. He wants everyone to think he is in money, but I knownhe is just there.
I saw a text where he told a doctor "I need to see you, it's urgent". I'm just very sad.

I advise that you divorce him. Even if you must cheat,cheat responsibly..Sleeping with different women without condoms isnt too good..My take

if you can survive without him... I mean take care of your self and your kids, then please for the sake of your sanity let him know you are fed up and want to leave...if all you have written is the unbiased truth then he really doesn't deserve you putting up with all that. because if you get hypertension and die... it won't change anything, another woman will take your place. but then if you don't think you can survive it easily, then just endure and live for your kids. after all, he only comes back from abroad 4 times so it's just like being gone all the same. but you have your kids to fill you with joy and laughter. keep praying and leave the rest to God.

if the man is a womanizer madam have him tested o...before he brings a hookers disease and dashes you in the name of love... love eye don open o.

since you said you don't want to leave cos of the kids and your dad( which in my opinion is not a valid excuse)., then try as much as possible to ignore him.stop going through his phone, WhatsApp messages and the rest. stop policing him, stop bothering yourself with who he is with and where he is at. you are doing too much and wearing yourself out.
direct all this energy to your kids and your business.ignore him and all his activities totally.you can't change a grown ass adult.your kids deserve your 100% attention now,stop chasing shadows..stop the building project,if he needs the house then he should complete it himself.
stop being intimate with him and if you must, insist he uses protection.your health should be your priority.,take care of you.

Na wa. See what marriage has turned into in this age. It's no more sacred as it used to be. There's no respect for the one we vowed to love and protect, no consideration for the feelings and health of our partner, no sense of responsibility towards the innocent children, no fear of God. Just me, myself and I kinda feeling. Very selfish and self-centered, without taking cognizance what effects our actions are having on our partner.

Una sure say I go marry so?
Fear dey catch me die!

Before I tender my advice, I will love to know exactly what it is you married him for. You seem to have broken the sista code. Alphas are typically for sex and conception, not marriage.

Sometimes I go on days of fasting for this man whenever he has a downturn in his business, but I never knew he was the one invalidating the prayers with his waywardness

That line touched me because u r fasting for the wrong reasons. Why not fast that God change him from womanizing which is the problem we all see here

RisenPhoenix:
Before I tender my advice, I will love to know exactly what it is you married him for. You seem to have broken the sista code. Alphas are typically for sex and conception, not marriage.

I honestly can't say. He was calm and very caring. Also my dad said his family are good people. We didn't really date, my dad and his elder brother who brought us together.

slimjohn2k5:
Sometimes I go on days of fasting for this man whenever he has a downturn in his business, but I never knew he was the one invalidating the prayers with his waywardness

That line touched me because u r fasting for the wrong reasons. Why not fast that God change him from womanizing which is the problem we all see here

He always try to justify his actions which makes me sick in the stomach. He always say that anybody who will be king, will be king no matter what. That there are many philandering, yet successful men all over the world. But I told him that everybody's Chi is not the same, that grace differs

Dear Lord, please help me choose for the bone of my bone husband, I must not make any silly mistakes I'm just tired of these marriage crisis stories

InDistress:


I honestly can't say. He was calm and very caring. Also my dad said his family are good people. We didn't really date, my dad and his elder brother who brought us together.

Assuming your narration is competely true:

For the children's financial welfare, I would advice you to call him up before his family and give him an ultimatum concerning his duty towards them; he should change or get out. I am sure that his family is already aware of his character and disapprove if as you say, they are good people. Get his father and maybe some other respected male elders on your side. Take advantage of his regretful moments to get the house in your village changed to your name or at least, into a joint title. Also, try to discuss payments into a trust that he cannot touch to take care of the kids' education and other needs or let him make periodic payments into a special account for the kids. Tolerate no delays. If he fails to do this, the court can compel him if you threaten him with divorce. But he probably will not default once he has made the commitment.

Marital relationship wise; speaking from experience, I would say that most men of this type never change; he is a true natural red piller with no respect for women; although some do change after getting a wake up call and a realisation of what they will lose if they do not stop their irresponsible attitude. Perhaps the meeting with his family members can give him that wake up call to be more available to you and less to others; but I doubt that this will ever happen. In the end, your physical and marital relationship with him remains your business. Only you can decide on that. I suspect you will still find him physically attractive; women always do find such men desirable.

Olunmercy56:
Dear Lord, please help me choose for the bone of my bone husband, I must not make any silly mistakes I'm just tired of these marriage crisis stories

Honestly
Imagine the nonsense women are putting up with.
Op
If you don't leave him you just have to prepare to keep treating STDs and then settle for a life of bitterness and resentment then in his old age he will retire from his prostitutes and expect you to welcome him back with open arms like a good wife.

Marriage can be so scary.......

happney65:
I advise that you divorce him. Even if you must cheat,cheat responsibly..Sleeping with different women without condoms isnt too good..My take

Boss...

InDistress:

He always try to justify his actions which makes me sick in the stomach. He always say that anybody who will be king, will be king no matter what. That there are many philandering, yet successful men all over the world. But I told him that everybody's Chi is not the same, that grace differs

All I am trying to say is that you fast and pray against the spirit of womanizing

rain21:

since you said you don't want to leave cos of the kids and your dad( which in my opinion is not a valid excuse)., then try as much as possible to ignore him.stop going through his phone, WhatsApp messages and the rest. stop policing him, stop bothering yourself with who he is with and where he is at. you are doing too much and wearing yourself out.
direct all this energy to your kids and your business.ignore him and all his activities totally.you can't change a grown ass adult.your kids deserve your 100% attention now,stop chasing shadows..stop the building project,if he needs the house then he should complete it himself.
stop being intimate with him and if you must, insist he uses protection.your health should be your priority.,take care of you.

Since don't want to leave. Pls follow the above advice for d sake of ur sanity n peace. Channel ur happiness to ur kids n business n forget about that man totally. Moreover, desist from being intimate with him until whenever he comes back to his senses!

dayleke:

Boss...

Baba you sef dey here..Na so we dey see am o

InDistress:


My dad is a very conservative man and will be broken if I leave. My younger sister left her husband for same infidelity and my parents haven't heard the last of it from neighbours and gossips. I don't wantbtonput them through emotional stress. My husband's elder brother separated from his wife over 30yrs ago over infidelity and all tgeir children amounted to nothing, I feel scared for my kids.

When you die of an STD or high blood pressure, will these gossiping neighbours or your parents take care of your kids like you would?

There are single mums out there who pulled themselves together and did an amazing job raising this kids.

If this man dies, won't you raise your kids?

Is this fiction or reality?

RisenPhoenix:


Assuming your narration is competely true:

What do I stand to gain from distorting facts? As a matter of fact, there is a lot I intentionally exempted but I'm focusing on his philandering which is the big deal.

I am sure that his family is already aware of his character and disapprove if as you say, they are good people. Get his father and maybe some other respected male elders on your side.

His parents are late. And that's all the responsible people in the family. His elder brother is a renowned philanderer who separated from his wife over 30yrs ago. Infact news broke some months ago that he impregnated a lady. This is a man that's almost 70. His sisters are not particularly comfortable with me as they said their brother doesn't finance them anymore since he married me.

Take advantage of his regretful moments to get the house in your village changed to your name or at least, into a joint title.

The house is in the village, in his own portion of the family land. So this is undoable.

Also, try to discuss payments into a trust that he cannot touch to take care of the kids' education and other needs or let him make periodic payments into a special account for the kids. Tolerate no delays. If he fails to do this, the court can compel him if you threaten him with divorce. But he probably will not default once he has made the commitment.

He most likely won't accede to this as he has the mindset tgat women should not be allowed any sort of power. He moves with people that think alike too and they advise him.

Marital relationship wise; speaking from experience, I would say that most men of this type never change; he is a true natural red piller with no respect for women; although some do change after getting a wake up call and a realisation of what they will lose if they do not stop their irresponsible attitude.

About being a red puller, he isnt the most confident man around. What he lacks in confidence, he uses money to cover up. Those girls he sleeps with, I honestly don't think he can woo them without throwing money at them. Worse So is the fact that I'm far more physically attractive than them.