flyingdutchman:

Once upon a time, I use to grovel for acceptance of my fellow guys so i could "belong", thought there was something wrong with me cos I couldn't. Turns out that majority of them were jerks, and I couldn't fit in! I truly feel sorry for that guy's mentality. Something is fundamentally wrong with him and so many naija guys.

A very serious issue that is rampant.

Richy4:



Bro, Assuming that reverse was the case, and the man had 2 children and OP refused to have anything to do with them or even allow them to set foot in that house, Do u think all these young men dishing out advice would have spared the lady? I have stayed long on Nairaland to know that advise here are based on genda. Noone wants to call a spade a spade.

No they won’t. Franchásng would have been the leader of that bashing team. You sabi them well well.

Jonathan:
[s][/s]
This is even very unreasonable...

After cancelling it, do you feel happier?

Coolabbie:
All this long thesis not one single like.

It must be filled with nonsense then.
I jump and pass

Some people dont write to get likes..

sweetdude001:

Some people dont write to get likes..

I know. Wanted to get a rise out of him.

Succeeded

[quote author=Vyvyanvyvy post=87420448][/quote]
Awesome u r choosing ur son over him, so u should understand y he will choose d welbeing of his daughter over u n ur son.

Coolabbie:
I know. Wanted to get a rise out of him.

Succeeded

I hear u.

Shifi1:
take him to his father na

I wonder oo, probably she does not even know who the father is

Its funny we have all been discussing, the wife,husband, son without thinking about the other 3 children, or is ur son more important than them, u r willing to break ur home that the other 3 children might be comfortable with because of 1 person, u are willing to lose 3 just because you want to gain 1... Please put the other children into consideration, the are also important, as important as ur son..

.

Husband and I had a heated arguments only because he had seen a conversation I had earlier with my sister she was telling me not to neglect my son because of him and she is in support of me to go and pick him up this Sunday and I told her not to worry my son will come and stay in the house the same way as his siblings so he got angry that I went against him and still want to bring him over he was saying a lot of bad things about my son which made me raged and I told him my son is important than him If he doesn’t want him he is free to leave me I will manage okay with my children have said a lot of harsh things because he made me angry so he took his car key and left the house since 11 something pm and is still not yet back and I regret the harsh things that have said to him but he also deserved it for talking bad about my son a innocent 11 years old and I decided not to check on him or apologise. I’m tired of everything I don’t want to die of bp why can’t we just live in peace with all the children instead of him causing problems for me without thinking about my condition

Oyindidi:
You love the mother but you no want her son in your house. Yeye husband

See your life. Who told you he loves her? The owner of the problem did not say the husband loves her.

sweetdude001:
Its funny we have all been discussing, the wife,husband, son without thinking about the other 3 children, or is ur son more important than them, u r willing to break ur home that the other 3 children might be comfortable with because of 1 person, u are willing to lose 3 just because you want to gain 1... Please put the other children into consideration, the are also important, as important as ur son..

So she should abandon 1 because 3 are more important??
Lol NL don taya me soteyy
When it comes to human beings no one is more important than another. No number matters than the other. She should consider ALL of them in fairness.
So no one feels left out.
Do you know who would be successful tomorrow?!
Should that even matter!

Jephyard:
At OP first of all keep your marriage and also bring in your son to your new family.

Divorce won't help you one bit, it will ruin the life of your kids trust me it always does even with the money. Your kids deserve a better life by giving them what a real/proper family is like denying them such will result to a guesswork result, you can't do it all alone. Kids formative years both need male or female figure no matter what.

This shit is just complex stuff. Single mom with 4 kids! You do be death in no distance time. Let me guess you also lives in Lagos. The slum will corrupt your kids faster than you know it and good neighborhood are beyond your reach, it just hard madam.

And why do people keep saying your kids are your future! That shit is archaic and selfish. They are human and will grow old and forget you, that the hard fact but it is your duty to take care of them not because you birth them or you love them it a responsible every parent must shoulder, you don't have to like it though.

Divorce won’t ruin anything!
Abandoning her kids would!
There is no responsible child who grows up especially Africans and abandons their parents who contributed to their upbringing!!
A parent is responsible for her child.
Who are you abandoning it for!
What nonsense marriage!!

ejanla077:


Na dis type go dey beg man for recharge card like dis.

Get lost! Men like you with just mouth are PENNILESS!

Jung:


Hey guys, this person's moniker has "daft" inside.

No need replying daft people.

If you reply with the rubbish and e sure for you, drop address so I can send beating your way.

I'm sure that you're just tired of life and instead of committing suicide, you're looking for a cheap way out.
I won't give you that pleasure d0lt.

Can't you try another tactic? Reduce the confrontations if it's creating a hostile environment. make you case gently , use emotional blackmail if you know how to.You are pregnant and you can't entertain these heightened emotions without adverse effect. Doesn't stop you from getting your son on Sunday though but try to douse the tension at home, even for the boys sake.

Vyvyanvyvy:
Husband and I had a heated arguments only because he had seen a conversation I had earlier with my sister she was telling me not to neglect my son because of him and she is in support of me to go and pick him up this Sunday and I told her not to worry my son will come and stay in the house the same way as his siblings so he got angry that I went against him and still want to bring him over he was saying a lot of bad things about my son which made me raged and I told him my son is important than him If he doesn’t want him he is free to leave me I will manage okay with my children have said a lot of harsh things because he made me angry so he took his car key and left the house since 11 something pm and is still not yet back and I regret the harsh things that have said to him but he also deserved it for talking bad about my son a innocent 11 years old and I decided not to check on him or apologise. I’m tired of everything I don’t want to die of bp why can’t we just live in peace with all the children instead of him causing problems for me without thinking about my condition

Sarang:


So she should abandon 1 because 3 are more important??
Lol NL don taya me soteyy
When it comes to human beings no one is more important than another. No number matters than the other. She should consider ALL of them in fairness.
So no one feels left out.
Do you know who would be successful tomorrow?!
Should that even matter!

I never said leave 1 for anado, jus DAT in all dis it sims she is not considering d oda 2 kids atall

Vyvyanvyvy:

He is not in Nigeria

if the father is not in Nigeria what about his father's relatives? Grandma grandpa etc

janvier27:
Your son is not a thief. He's a small child who found himself in an unfortunate situation, and he'll surely get over it. He needs love and attention. It's difficult not to place blames. I think you should have allowed those kids to get older before marriage. Your elder brother has failed you. So also your husband. Keep appealing to your husband or take a break off to live with your kids and show them love so that they can grow properly. Marriage is not all about keeping a woman at home and raising biological children from her.

see this mugu. Can you marry a woman with kids? Two children not even one, the husband is my MVP.

Vyvyanvyvy:
Husband and I had a heated arguments only because he had seen a conversation I had earlier with my sister she was telling me not to neglect my son because of him and she is in support of me to go and pick him up this Sunday and I told her not to worry my son will come and stay in the house the same way as his siblings so he got angry that I went against him and still want to bring him over he was saying a lot of bad things about my son which made me raged and I told him my son is important than him If he doesn’t want him he is free to leave me I will manage okay with my children have said a lot of harsh things because he made me angry so he took his car key and left the house since 11 something pm and is still not yet back and I regret the harsh things that have said to him but he also deserved it for talking bad about my son a innocent 11 years old and I decided not to check on him or apologise. I’m tired of everything I don’t want to die of bp why can’t we just live in peace with all the children instead of him causing problems for me without thinking about my condition

Madam abeg taken it easy o, you don't need to beat yourself over issues.

If your husband is half as bad as you mentioned, it also means you are a bad chooser because you have chose to live with him as a life partner.

Whether or not he is wealthy as you, he deserves all the respect as the head of the home.

You can talk to him and get others who he respects to intervene in the matter. You also have to workout an arrangement and reassure him that your son will not negatively influence the other children.

Vyvyanvyvy:

Thanks am going to pick him up this Sunday I will bring him to the house and let him do his worst. I pay the rent if he is not happy then he has to leave me with my children . This thing has been stressing me my bp is already high which is not good for my pregnancy I need to be alive for my children and I won’t let him stress me anymore

Sorry mrs i would love to give you many reason you shouldn't abandon your son,
i pass through what ur son his passing through now is nt a life you would ever wish for even ur worst enemy child,and if you don't do something asap things will be very difficult for him i know what am saying that's why I sent you an email so please don't let that boy down.

Purifiedsoul:

Be rest assured that bringing that child to your husband house will bring you no good.

So she should abandon her child because of her husband abi what is this one saying?

How would you feel if your mother had dumped you with relatives to suffer because of a man? Her child is her primary responsibility, marriage is secondary.

Davash222:
Your siblings that are your relatives doesn't want the boy but you want your husband that is not your relative to accept the boy
You should learn to attend to your responsibilities and mistakes. Don't drag your mistakes to that innocent man. He has done more than enough for you.

Marrying a Nigerian girl with two children(not even one) is not what every man can do. That man deserves peace and respect from you.

Honestly some men deserve a big accolade and I mean diamond award because they are trying. No matter how good I am, there is a limit to what I can do, I cannot marry a single mother with a child talk more of 2 children, even if she is an angel, the fact that she has 2 children from another man will not allow me see the goodness in her to the extent of marrying her.


Op should not destroy her new marriage with her own hands, I know it hurts but honestly the man cannot bear it and it's quite understandable to me.


Pocohantas I hope you read the op's story before condemning the man The op had 2 kids before her husband married her and she wants the new husband to happily accept the 2 kids as his, that's marrying 3 persons at once, which man can accept that Biologically men are not wired to be that way lol

Vyvyanvyvy:
I had 2 children. When I got married, my husband had none and accepted them like his own children.

Before marriage, we had discussed about the children living with us after marriage but that couldn’t be possible anymore because we were having financial problem so we couldn’t afford to move to a bigger apartment. We were staying in a room self contain with my daughter while my son was staying with my elder brother and his wife.

Now three years after we had moved to a bigger house still my husband doesn’t want my son to come and live with us. At the moment my son is going through hard times. My sister in law has been maltreating him to an extent that he has been stealing, he was caught and beaten like an animal. My brother said he doesn’t want him in his house again. He wants me to come and collect him.

I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no, he should stay there because he doesn't want him to damage our children. I’m angry at him I stopped talking to him and I don’t know where my son will go because I have no mother no father it’s only my elder brother and kid sister even my sister who is married doesn’t want him. I’m pained and in tears seeing my only son suffering while I’m still alive and I’m helpless to protect him.

Yinmu! The hypocrisy in this earth that leads many Nigerians to hell. If those were the man's kids and he makes thus post complaining of his wife not wanting his kids it's still same hypocritical enemies of man's soul that will call her all kinds of unprintable names. But now that a woman needs a home for her son, you hypocrites will not accept that her child is like his own child and should be treated with love and care.

dominique:


So she should abandon her child because of her husband abi what is this one saying?

How would you feel if your mother had dumped you with relatives to suffer because of a man? Her child is her primary responsibility, marriage is secondary.

I think it's better she divorce her husband and rent an apartment and go take her child and live with him, that should be the best thing to do


This is one reason guys don't marry single mothers; what if the father of the child have a bad blood trait running through the child; like stealing, etc, that's how you will end up carrying a thief as stepchild, it's not as easy as you ladies think, and reason ladies must be careful with how and who they get pregnant for.


Dear ladies stop fvckin around thinking you can get away with it like men, men don't get pregnant, women do....a boy can fvck 4 girls and go back to his hut and sleep peacefully without any worries, can a girl do same and not worry about missing her period Men and women are created differently, women can never be equal to men, so ladies should fvck responsibly

franchasng:
Honestly some men deserve a big accolade and I mean diamond award because they are trying. No matter how good I am, there is a limit to what I can do, I cannot marry a single mother with a child talk more of 2 children, even if she is an angel, the fact that she has 2 children from another man will not allow me see the goodness in her to the extent of marrying her.


Op should not destroy her new marriage with her own hands, I know it hurts but honestly the man cannot bear it and it's quite understandable to me.


Pocohantas I hope you read the op's story before condemning the man The op had 2 kids before her husband married her and she wants the new husband to happily accept the 2 kids as his, that's marrying 3 persons at once, which man can accept that Biologically men are not wired to be that way lol

Deserve big accolade because he did what?What did he do that other men have never done in the history of creation? Is she a lepper? Did she steal? She rub shit for body? What accolade does he deserve? Look well now he himself is like vommit that other women have rejected but this woman closed eye to marry him because of her impatience. Its all these condemn men that miss behave up and down. Demanding accolade as if they are worth anything.
Better to not marry her than marry her and then start acting up. No one forced him to accept her in the first place. Women are not biogically wired to live with other women's kids too but we expect them to accept their spouse's kids so it's not about wiring but about character.

delishpot:


Better to not marry her than marry her and then start acting up. No one forced him to accept her in the first place. Women are not biogically wired to live with other women's kids too but we expect them to accept their spouse's kids so it's not about wiring but about character.

my sister, I agree with all you wrote, my problem is with men who willingly marry single mothers, maybe God do give them the courage in order to give single mothers a second chance of happiness because I can't imagine how a single man will see all the amazing single ladies all over the world and decide to marry a single mother, na wa, men de sha

franchasng:
Honestly some men deserve a big accolade and I mean diamond award because they are trying. No matter how good I am, there is a limit to what I can do, I cannot marry a single mother with a child talk more of 2 children, even if she is an angel, the fact that she has 2 children from another man will not allow me see the goodness in her to the extent of marrying her.


Op should not destroy her new marriage with her own hands, I know it hurts but honestly the man cannot bear it and it's quite understandable to me.


Pocohantas I hope you read the op's story before condemning the man The op had 2 kids before her husband married her and she wants the new husband to happily accept the 2 kids as his, that's marrying 3 persons at once, which man can accept that Biologically men are not wired to be that way lol

Poco will always condemn men. It’s in her trait.

franchasng:
my sister, I agree with all you wrote, my problem is with men who willingly marry single mothers, maybe God do give them the courage in order to give single mothers a second chance of happiness because I can't imagine how a single man will see all the amazing single ladies all over the world and decide to marry a single mother, na wa, men de sha

Nothing much different between marrying a single mom and a single dad. He married her most likely cos he himself is a komkom man. No sane woman will do much to please him. So he settled for a single mom who sees him as her messiah and does everything to keep a man due to her belief that she is not a prized cow anymore.

Vyvyanvyvy:
Husband and I had a heated arguments only because he had seen a conversation I had earlier with my sister she was telling me not to neglect my son because of him and she is in support of me to go and pick him up this Sunday and I told her not to worry my son will come and stay in the house the same way as his siblings so he got angry that I went against him and still want to bring him over he was saying a lot of bad things about my son which made me raged and I told him my son is important than him If he doesn’t want him he is free to leave me I will manage okay with my children have said a lot of harsh things because he made me angry so he took his car key and left the house since 11 something pm and is still not yet back and I regret the harsh things that have said to him but he also deserved it for talking bad about my son a innocent 11 years old and I decided not to check on him or apologise. I’m tired of everything I don’t want to die of bp why can’t we just live in peace with all the children instead of him causing problems for me without thinking about my condition

this your condition is just too delicate; I pity you, I understand your husband's fears and reason for his stand cos if I were him, the marriage wouldn't even take place to talk of getting to the stage of deciding to bring the child in or not, and then I pity your son so much, he's innocent in all these sighs.


Your brother too cannot be blamed, maybe he is struggling financially and can't cater for your son, but if he is financially very okay and couldn't cater for his own sister's little child, damn, he is a bad man I must confess cos he or your parents are the best people to take care of your son.


This your son issue may tear your marriage apart, just be careful in handling it because 99.99% of men will act the same way your husband is acting, don't listen to anybody saying otherwise to make your husband appear as a bad man, the way he is reacting is how most men would react to this situation

eyinjuege:


There's nothing rational about rendering a 12 year old homeless and separated from his mother.
It's a pity you see it as being rational in a Nigerian society.
A real shame, and I truly weep for my nation.
In saner climes, it's not even debatable.
Little wonder we remain a developing nation with our kind of mindset toward children.

My brother sit down quietly biko.
What are u even talking about
Every little thing pple will be shouting "if it's in a saner clime"
Which of the saner climes have u bn to to know exactly hw things are done there or is it cos of what u watch in those movies.
So in those ur saner climes, it is a law that a man must take in a child that does not belong to him. Mtchewwwww

All these rant is just cos u are not the one involved. If u are involved, ur thinking will be different from the way u are thinking now.
Ppl tend to be very emotional and sympathetic when the supposed help is not going to come from them directly. Once, they are involve, you see them coming up wt some certain logic.

How many times have u seen all these little children begging on the road and u take one of them home, Don't you feel pity for them?
Will heaven fall if u take any of them home?

delishpot:


Nothing much different between marrying a single mom and a single dad. He married her most likely cos he himself is a komkom man. No sane woman will do much to please him. So he settled for a single mom who sees him as her messiah and does everything to keep a man due to her belief that she is not a prized cow anymore.

you are wrong, women are wired differently.


Women don't see anything wrong in marrying a single father or marrying as second or 3rd wife. Ladies even prefer to marry older men to younger guys.


Ask yourself why don't men agree to marry a woman with husband already and live in same house with her and the first & second husbands

Everyday we read and hear about educated, mature, classy, rich career ladies and also poor, young, vulnerable, broke girls happily marrying men as 2nd or 3rd wives, do we hear or read same about men marrying ladies with husband as 2nd or 3rd husband living together


Women and men are wired to act, think, reason and respond to life issues differently, that is the diversity of human race; don't force men to be like women, and as a woman don't force yourself to be like men or act like men, these are the mistakes modern feminists and gender equality proponents are making today