Take time out to meet your child and your brother with his wife.

Encourage the child to make the most of his bad circumstance and let him know that you will do your best (under these difficult circumstances) to reward good behaviour.

Have a heart-to-heart talk with your brother, appeal to him to save you and your son from a painful outcome.

I hope you help with finances with your brother- it's the least you can do under the circumstances.

Vyvyanvyvy:

He will be 12 years in August , my daughter is 6 years, I have one daughter for my husband she is 2 years and I’m pregnant with another one. Their father is not in Nigeria and I don’t have his contact or his siblings. Yes I have a grocery shop I foot 70% bills in my house

My dear keep begging him ur son needs ur Love and care.if possible start telling ur husband that ur son is a changed person now@12yrs he is still a child maybe he does not feed well there that's what pushed him into stealing believe me if that son is with you that rubbish statement of him stealing u won't hear it again am telling u out of experience.

eyinjuege:


It shows your level of exposure and you have had no interaction with a white man. No white man will employ the services of a lawyer ( which will probably be more expensive than having the boy stay in his home) to draft up any agreement.
How much food does the boy want to eat in his childhood? How much clothes does he want to wear? The law understand the parents of the boy should provide this, and in this case it's the mother. She has a responsibility to provide his food, clothing, shelter, education. Who do you want that responsibility to go to? The father is not in the country, so no court can force him to have shared custody. Is it not a person you see that you can talk of custody with?
There will even be no need of convincing anything, in the western country. It's non negotiable for you to ask the woman not to bring in her child to her residence.
The law doesn't care about your ego, or your other responsibilities. The child needs a home and his parent should provide that. Simple. Unless she gives him up for adoption, and them he becomes someone else's child

who told you the father of the boy is not in the country, did the op mentioned that


Many white men will divorce because of this, not many of them will accept. The issue of how to handle extra kids each partner is bringing in if both are single parents has always been an issue in western unions, you should know this if you lived abroad

Davash222:

Lol
Poco is very short. She even escaped dwarfism. I've seen her photos here. But, she's well endowed at the backside, though it's normal with short girls.

Olodo, I took that on Thursday. Does that look like a short person? I can’t be short, even if I detach my head.

Davash222:

I've seen the straight legs on heels. Next.

Good boy. I might even be taller than you.

God was merciful while creating me.

franchasng:
Yes that's true, you are right. The law supports that if the mother was given the legal right to be with the child (have custody) after separation or divorce with her first husband, which brings us to the question: where is the child's father in all these This question must be answered if we are to go the western way

The OP said the father is abroad.
The childs father has chosen to move out of the country, and there's nothing anyone can do about that. He could be in prison, he could be dead or he could be enjoying the life of his head. Nothing you can really do about that, and until he comes back into the country you can't get the backlog of child support out of him.
Custody automatically falls to the parent who is present, or should the child be taken to an orphanage when a parent is alive?
The child has probably always lived with the mother anyway and she has always had custody till she married and decided to give others the responsibility of raising her child.

sweetdude001:
Its funny we have all been discussing, the wife,husband, son without thinking about the other 3 children, or is ur son more important than them, u r willing to break ur home that the other 3 children might be comfortable with because of 1 person, u are willing to lose 3 just because you want to gain 1... Please put the other children into consideration, the are also important, as important as ur son..

Sounds as if the boy is already condem and should be thrown away.
Are you a Christian? If yes, have you ever read the parable of the lost sheep?

If the poor child was to be your biological child, would you say the same?

pocohantas:


Olodo, I took that on Thursday. Does that look like a short person? I can’t be short, even if I detach my head.

I've seen the straight legs on heels. Next.

You call me Olodo next time, I'll cripple those legs!!

pocohantas:


Olodo, I took that on Thursday. Does that look like a short person? I can’t be short, even if I detach my head.

You have time.

Slay mama

franchasng:
who told you the father of the boy is not in the country, did the op mentioned that


Many white men will divorce because of this, not many of them will accept. The issue of how to handle extra kids each partner is bringing in if both are single parents has always been an issue in western unions, you should know this if you lived abroad

She mentioned that in an initial post. He's in italy or somewhere. I hope Corona locates him there, for abandoning his children.

eyinjuege:


The OP said the father is abroad.
The childs father has chosen to move out of the country, and there's nothing anyone can do about that. He could be in prison, he could be dead or he could be enjoying the life of his head. Nothing you can really do about that, and until he comes back into the country you can't get the backlog of child support out of him.
Custody automatically falls to the parent who is present, or should the child be taken to an orphanage when a parent is alive?
The child has probably always lived with the mother anyway and she has always had custody till she married and decided to give others the responsibility of raising her child.

okay, I just saw where the op said the father lives abroad. Anyway, the husband made the mistake to me, he shouldn't have married her in the first place knowing how Nigerian system works; the boy's father will appear from nowhere after 25 years have passed and the boy will run back to his biological father leaving the stepfather empty handed and looking foolish for catering for him from childhood.


This is Nigeria, so think Nigerian

Why didn't you step up and save him when the maltreatment started? Why keep him there that long, until it got to that point?

Vyvyanvyvy:

My son has turned bad because of the way my sister in law has being treating him , a child who used to eat 3 square meal a day , now he is being deprived of foods and what do you expect him to apart from steeling ? I know what he did was wrong but he did it because he was hungry and his not a bad boy , that’s why I want him back with him because with me he will have his happy life back and he won’t go out there and steel

eyinjuege:


You have time.

Slay mama

Thanks o. I need to have time, he said I escaped dwarfism. Haba! When I am not Ibkayee.

eyinjuege:


She mentioned that in an initial post. He's in italy or somewhere. I hope Corona locates him there, for abandoning his children.

lol, unfortunately coronavirus doesn't kill black man cos we have enough vitamin D from years of exposure to sunlight


Besides life must be tough for him in Italy cos Italy is a dead country for decades now, nothing happening there, no job, in fact I do pity most Nigerians living in Italy and some EU countries

Vyvyanvyvy:

Thanks for nice advice. You are right my son has become a thief due to the way my sister in law has being treating him , depriving him from food and many bad things the boy had no other choice than to steel. Since I’m alive I want him to be with me and I will take good care of him

Believe me ur son is not a thief.keep begging ur husband to allow him stay with you please am feeling for that boy he is the same age with my son.please try ur possible best to train him by urself he needs ur Love don't brought him to this world to punish him please.and this type of kids are always great.and don't ever think of contacting his daddy.the issue here is ur husband keep begging him.he is ur husband u know how to enter him for him to accept him.

pocohantas:


Olodo, I took that on Thursday. Does that look like a short person? I can’t be short, even if I detach my head.



Good boy. I might even be taller than you. ;

God was merciful while creating me.

but he said you carry thunder for backside, that alone nullifies any other physical minus



It's a big selling point oh, use it wella and you shall be dinning with Major Buhari


But where is the pinchor let me look small abeg, for there is nothing better than looku looku

eyinjuege:


It shows your level of exposure and you have had no interaction with a white man. No white man will employ the services of a lawyer ( which will probably be more expensive than having the boy stay in his home) to draft up any agreement.
How much food does the boy want to eat in his childhood? How much clothes does he want to wear? The law understand the parents of the boy should provide this, and in this case it's the mother. She has a responsibility to provide his food, clothing, shelter, education. Who do you want that responsibility to go to? The father is not in the country, so no court can force him to have shared custody. Is it not a person you see that you can talk of custody with?
There will even be no need of convincing anything, in the western country. It's non negotiable for you to ask the woman not to bring in her child to her residence.
The law doesn't care about your ego, or your other responsibilities. The child needs a home and his parent should provide that. Simple. Unless she gives him up for adoption, and them he becomes someone else's child

The more you talk, the more you exposes your ignorance.
You mean to tell me that in ur western country, the law will impose a child that is not urs to u cos the child needs shelter. Chaiiii.
In that of ur western world, have u ever heard of "Authorization Agreement for Nonparent Relative?"
Do you know that there is law for virtually everything over there.
Do you know that there are so many things the law will restrict you from doing for and to a child that is not yours unless you have that Authorization Agreement?

Well, I don't need to school u on this.

Evenin custody cases, no court will grant custody of a child to an extended family member when both parents are still Ali and healthy. Why can't a child live with his own mother since the father is oversees? Where is your sense? The other family members of the father don't
have their own lives to live or what?

Sotland:
You said you had two children for the first man, yet you don't know or have link to any of his family or siblings that you could send the boy to right?.. this is so absurd!! I reserve my further comments..

Why are you so judgmental and condemning? She was asked for her hand in marriage and a promise to look after her and her kids, that means kids were discussed. What was wrong in her saying yes and believing the man? Why are you judging her instead of the man that lacks integrity? because you see her as rubbish for having two kids? Are they not human beings and have you never ever made a mistake in life? You are wicked.

AroOkigbo:

Why did you accept his proposal? You should have said NO and live your life with your kids till they are mature.
But no, you wanted to answer Mrs.
#selfishwoman

You have too much sense.

jesmond3945:
Op that boy is your son and blood. He is growing up with resentment and hatred in his heart. it is a matter of time it will come crashing down and he would never forgive you or his dad. Thank God you are footing the bill. The mistake you made was to remarry. it never ends well. Reach out to his father if you have his contact, if that fails. Plead with your husband one more time on bended knees with weeping, if that fails. Then go for your son, if it means leaving the house. This is because as long as he is away from you, happinesss and peace of mind eludes you.

Vyvyanvyvy:

Thanks for nice advice. You are right my son has become a thief due to the way my sister in law has being treating him , depriving him from food and many bad things the boy had no other choice than to steel. Since I’m alive I want him to be with me and I will take good care of him

See ehh, I'm not married so I wouldn't know what to comment here honestly but one impression I must correct is calling your son a thief.
Your son is never a thief, he's only 12.
Listen, when I was his age, I did similar things not because I was maltreated but I just found myself doing them.
I take meat from pot, I take mum's money without telling her, Las Las they will beat hell out of me.
But now, I keep imagning how I did all those things cause I can't find myself doing them now, never. It's simply juvenile delinquency, little reprimanding will correct that and that's where you come in.
Find a way and bring that boy in, once you leave him on the streets, he'll now become a thief.
Please ma, take good care of that boy, forget about what most people are saying here, don't take it to heart. You're a strong woman.
There's nobody without a mistake or problem.

Shalom

Good one, I like this. That boy should live with you and should be shown love, otherwise will resent you in future and that cannot be reversed.

Vyvyanvyvy:

You want me to take my child to the orphanage whyle I’m still alive and in good health? You must be joking . I rather be a single mother and suffer with my 4 children than rejecting my son.

franchasng:
but he said you carry thunder for backside, that alone nullifies any other physical minus



It's a big selling point oh, use it wella and you shall be dinning with Major Buhari


But where is the pinchor let me look small abeg, for there is nothing better than looku looku

The kind of men that will see my bumbum as a SP, are men who will put maximum pressure on my vagina. They won’t help me grow organically.

If there is anything the right men do most times, it is to stereotype one as a bimbo. You’ll have to work twice as hard to show you are not mentally and physically slow. Not so much of a SP after all.

I took it down...I am sure Davash222 now knows I am not short.

I know myself very well, I cannot cope with a lady who's had kid(s) before. Apart from no room for such kid in my house, you mustn't let outsiders know I married you completely used. I hate it. I can't cope with it, no matter the love.

This story portrays this woman as someone who's lived a rough life in the past. How can you born two kids for a man you know nothing about?!

franchasng:
go and check, there must be well documented agreement on how those extra kids will be catered for, and the whereabouts of their biological fathers must be known and his stand legally defined.

The op hasn't for once talked about her sons father, his stand, etc

No western law my sister forces a child on a man when the child is not his biological child, I have lived in western world to know a little about it even though I have not had any child care related issue to know much though, but from the little I know, the man cannot be forced to take in the child if he doesn't want, unless he signed to take in the child when they were getting married and turned around now to say no, which will lead to legal settlement not verbal talks

Most of these "white" men that marry single mums legally adopt the kids, that's why Wikipedia puts Matt Damon's kids as 4 despite his wife birthing 3 for him. Rockstar Chris Daughtry not only legally adopted his wife's kids, the kids now bear his surname as well. I'm using this examples of A-list American celebrities because they married non-celebrity women and still adopted their kids as their own.

Whites (Americans in particular) are more flexible and receptive towards single mums and the children borne by them. A far far cry from our egotistic Nigerian men who think they're doing women favour by marrying them and expect their wives to snap into two to please them even if means rendering her child homeless.

Bishops10:

See ehh, I'm not married so I wouldn't know what to comment here honestly but one impression I must correct is calling your son a thief.
Your son is never a thief, he's only 12.
Listen, when I was his age, I did similar things not because I was maltreated but I just found myself doing them.
I take meat from pot, I take mum's money without telling her, Las Las they will beat hell out of me.
But now, I keep imagning how I did all those things cause I can't find myself doing them now, never. It's simply juvenile delinquency, little reprimanding will correct that and that's where you come in.
Find a way and bring that boy in, once you leave him on the streets, he'll now become a thief.
Please ma, take good care of that boy, forget about what most people are saying here, don't take it to heart. You're a strong woman.
There's nobody without a mistake or problem.

Shalom

True. He is not a thief. I once stayed with a relative and also developed such habits due to hunger, but as soon as I am grown I can't even imagine taking what is not mine. Its truly juvenile delinquency

pocohantas:


Thanks o. I need to have time, he said I escaped dwarfism. Haba! When I am not Ibkayee.

Lmao see this one, I am of average height thank you very much

Lol anyone who calls poco short has definitely not seen her picture lol, that girl is an amazon

Agree with this. Many men here marry women with kids because they see value in people. Life is transient, not everyone is struggling for things that really mean very little. Nigerians are said to be religious but their religion dies with action. How any one that goes to church can see a little boy as nothing because he didn't come from his seed is beyond me. A human being God created! And we wonder why we are not blessed. We fight for every little crumb; who bares my name, is he a boy or a girl, how are my assets going to grow etc etc. Yet like all humans we live and die and everything is but dust.

Foreigners (westerners) adopt, foster kids all the time. They are step fathers to boys and girls, and they do better jobs than the biological fathers. I know someone personally. Married a woman with three kids. Their dad was a dead beat. They love him and cherish him. He never had kids of his own. Now he is dealing with cancer, they are there taking care of him. He is dad! They are white!

We, are seeing the boy as scum of the earth, a bastard and only as a son of another man. May God have mercy on our cold hearts. Yet none of you men had your mothers neglect you!

Take your son home. Let the father go if need be. A man that cannot share your pain and want to comfort you at a time like this, to see you happy, will never be enough for you when you are down.

He is not honorable. Don't apologize for fighting for your child. Don't cater to his ego and hurt feelings. That is a human he basically could see dead.

Why are you even discussing this here? That is your blood. Do you need marriage that desperately? You are allowing yourself to be a victim. If you go to your son, fight for him, apologize to him, mark my words that boy will be your rock one day.

That husband of yours will not.

Question: would you still have a friend who spits on you at the lowest time of pain? No? Then why would you share your life with a man who is supposed to be your rock and yet spits on your pain? You don't have to divorce him. Just separate. Even God in the bible said, "Can a mother forsake the child she has bore? Though she might I will never forsake you." Note that God used the most deepest love to show how He couldn't. That's because for a mother to forsake a child is unnatural. Yet even with that He can do more and beyond.

God put in a mother a deep sacrificial love in her for her children.

Men: if a woman can neglect her child you should never be with her. The mere fact that this man wants her to do so, means he is evil.

eyinjuege:


You tell lies.
Blended families are nothing new to the whiteman.
It's something I see everyday in my line of work, where a white woman has all her 3 children living with her new partner with their own 2 children.
I see such scenarios more times than I can count.
There is an old man I recently saw, who is very sick and I was surprised to see his children (who are older than me by far) looking after him.
The children are also all grown (over 40 years) living in their own places with their own families but they left all, to alternate looking after their father. He had 2 white sons and a daughter.
What was shocking to me was to realise this black man (Carribean black) had white children looking after him. His children were white and he was a full black man.
They were washing him up, feeding him, changing him. Infact, you can palpate how troubling the family felt as they are losing the man they've called father all their life. The older son was most visibly affected as you could see the tears in his eyes and even his voice when talking to you.
It was the family pictures in his home that explained a lot as I was initially confused hearing them keep saying dad and seeing it could not be biologically so.
I saw his wedding pictures as a young man, married to a white lady.
I saw pictures of these white children when they were young growing up with this black man, laughing, playing and going on several holidays. He was their dad and that's what they called him. He raised them and they would do anything for him. Their mother died long ago, and he continued to raise them as his.

Midas01:
Evenin custody cases, no court will grant custody of a child to an extended family member when both parents are still Ali and healthy. Why can't a child live with his own mother since the father is oversees? Where is your sense? The other family members of the father don't
have their own lives to live or what?

Please I am not here to insult or be insulted "where is your sense?" I found this sentence insulting, so do withdraw it.. The best you can do is to ignore comments that are contrary to yours..Everyone to his opinion.

In a typical African setting, the male child can still live with his father relatives. The lady coming to say that she doesn't have any of the former husband relative contact speaks a loud volumn, don't you think?.....why can't she take the child to his linage? Besides, how can a man leaves his family and exile himself in europe? This is only a side of the coin, since we don't really know what transpires, its really complicated..

ibkayee:

Lmao see this one, I am of average height thank you very much

Lol anyone who calls poco short has definitely not seen her picture lol, that girl is an amazon

Lmao. I just wan find your trouble. Average and short na the same thing na.

Aww, thanks for the compliment.

You don't have his contact or his siblings contact. Your story doesn't add up. Either you don't know who their father is. Shey this is why I refuse to marry any woman that has a child or divorced. Adding unnecessary pressure of the poor man. Olosho

pocohantas:


The kind of men that will see my bumbum as a SP, are men who will put maximum pressure on my vagina. They won’t help me grow organically.

If there is anything the right men do most times, it is to stereotype one as a bimbo. You’ll have to work twice as hard to show you are not mentally and physically slow. Not so much of a SP after all.

I took it down...I am sure Davash222 now knows I am not short.

I’m not well convinced though. Your photos I’ve seen before depicts dwarfism with mighty bum bum.