Psoul:


The more you talk, the more you exposes your ignorance.
You mean to tell me that in ur western country, the law will impose a child that is not urs to u cos the child needs shelter. Chaiiii.
In that of ur western world, have u ever heard of "Authorization Agreement for Nonparent Relative?"
Do you know that there is law for virtually everything over there.
Do you know that there are so many things the law will restrict you from doing for and to a child that is not yours unless you have that Authorization Agreement?

Well, I don't need to school u on this.

Let me school you a bit about legal guardianship or authorization agreement
Perhaps if this man in question has proven himself worthy enough to act in the best interest of this child, the mother might consider having him as a legal guardian/have him sign your authorisation agreement. But so far, he has failed.
Such agreements even if signed, can be TERMINATED at any point by the parent who allowed the agreement in the first place.

CeterisXVII:

If he knew he couldn't accept both kids, WHY did he agree to MARRY her? Is he daft, dumb or just plain stewpid??

Why didn't he marry a woman without kids? He did NOT do her any favours by marrying her. The guy is just an opportunist. Period.

It's wrong for you to tag someone an opportunist just because you heard one side of the story, we Yorubas regard such judgement as a wicked one.

I want to let you know that women could be very selfish when narrating their side of a story. Who knows the kind of agreement they had hitherto? When a woman is desperate to be wifed by a man they'll promise to do whatever you wish just to make you marry them, afterwards they switch.

Don't believe her story too much to the point where you'll start blaming the man. It's not easy to father two children from another man.

.

Filmdirect:

Agree with this. Many men here marry women with kids because they see value in people. Life is transient, not everyone is struggling for things that really mean very little. Nigerians are said to be religious but their religion dies with action. How any one that goes to church can see a little boy as nothing because he didn't come from his seed is beyond me. A human being God created! And we wonder why we are not blessed. We fight for every little crumb; who bares my name, is he a boy or a girl, how are my assets going to grow etc etc. Yet like all humans we live and die and everything is but dust.

Foreigners (westerners) adopt, foster kids all the time. They are step fathers to boys and girls, and they do better jobs than the biological fathers. I know someone personally. Married a woman with three kids. Their dad was a dead beat. They love him and cherish him. He never had kids of his own. Now he is dealing with cancer, they are there taking care of him. He is dad! They are white!

We, are seeing the boy as scum of the earth, a bastard and only as a son of another man. May God have mercy on our cold hearts. Yet none of you men had your mothers neglect you!

Take your son home. Let the father go if need be. A man that cannot share your pain and want to comfort you at a time like this, to see you happy, will never be enough for you when you are down.

He is not honorable. Don't apologize for fighting for your child. Don't cater to his ego and hurt feelings. That is a human he basically could see dead.

Why are you even discussing this here? That is your blood. Do you need marriage that desperately? You are allowing yourself to be a victim. If you go to your son, fight for him, apologize to him, mark my words that boy will be your rock one day.

That husband of yours will not.

Question: would you still have a friend who spits on you at the lowest time of pain? No? Then why would you share your life with a man who is supposed to be your rock and yet spits on your pain? You don't have to divorce him. Just separate. Even God in the bible said, "Can a mother forsake the child she has bore? Though she might I will never forsake you." Note that God used the most deepest love to show how He couldn't. That's because for a mother to forsake a child is unnatural. Yet even with that He can do more and beyond.

God put in a mother a deep sacrificial love in her for her children.

Men: if a woman can neglect her child you should never be with her. The mere fact that this man wants her to do so, means he is evil.

Many Nigerians male or female derive pleasure in molesting children at every point. They will abuse a child and still find a way to blame the child.
And then hide under the guise of culture...

CeterisXVII:

The boy is NOT a bad influence. He just has not been given the right training, love and support.

That is why he picked up bad habits. With the right training and discipline from his mum and others, he will drop all those bad habits.

All kids go through challenges when growing up. If he was your own kid, would you be saying this same thing?

Not all kids have that privileges of being trained by their parents. Some developed good characters from what they hear and see others do.

Don't use that has an excuse

CeterisXVII:

Can't you people read? The real father abandoned her with the kids, and ran to Italy. So do you now expect her to also abandon her own son?Why are you people so heartless??

Dear, the real father have a family even if he is based in Italy. The man will always come for his children now or later so will the children.

I read everything oga

Expensiverichyb:

Sounds as if the boy is already condem and should be thrown away.
Are you a Christian? If yes, have you ever read the parable of the lost sheep?

If the poor child was to be your biological child, would you say the same?

All I am saying is DAT she needs to be patient and calm about the whole thing, her husband owes her nothing, as much as we want d boy with his mother, doesn't mean u make d other children lose d relationship with their father.
All she is shouting my son, she needs to put d other kids into consideration too.
The parable doesnt say u lose 3 all because u want to gain 1

martowskin1:


All this grammar u dropped, here, u didn't ask of the father.

U are hipping all the blame on the man instead of the biological father him self.

What happened to private Borden school. Yes I mean that, when things get though, we make logical decision and not emotional one.

The man is not here to tell his own truth, if he should tell us his own truth of this issue, u will realise is 80% different from what she just told us.. .

Where the biological father is is not the issue presently. She accepted that situation and lived happily with her children before they met.

Then a man comes along and all of a sudden, a 12 year old boy can't even live with his Mom again simply because OF A Marriage!

Which society except ours would tolerate such Nonsense?

You're talking about boarding school. So, during the holidays, he's supposed to follow the principal to his house?

Who told the man to marry a single mom of he knows he's going to be unable to live with the children? He's not doing anybody any favours.

What story can the man tell? That he's actually asking the woman to bring home the boy she's the one refusing
Assume for a second, the situation was reversed. Say, I'm your friend with a 10 year old child but the mother is no longer in the picture. I'm young and wanted to marry a new wife. But I tell you that the lady says she cannot have my young child around the house when we marry.

Are you REALLY going to tell me to marry and FEEL HAPPY to move my Little girl to live with Uncle's and Aunties? Really? You can advise a friend looking at them in the eye? You mean you will do that yourself?

Bring the boy to me

.

eyinjuege:
There is no difference really.
You cannot shout about evil step mums and how they should allow their step children stay in peace with their father, while asking a step father not to rise up and be supportive of his wife's children from a previous relationship.
You can't speak with both sides of the mouth.
This child in question doesn't have his father around, and yet a man wants him to be homeless and not stay with the only other parent he has around.
We have wickedness embedded in our DNA. Real wickedness. This is worse than witchcraft. When will the needs of a child starts superseding the ego of an adult, my people? Where is our humanity as a people?
My 1st cousin married a woman with a child , and they have 2 children together now. That boy from a previous union looks after his younger ones like a hawk.
Nobody from my part of the family (the step dad's side) treats him as an outsider. He comes to their grandma's (my aunt) place with his younger ones, and lives like the prince he is. Grandma is everyone's grandma to him.
He's just a child for God's sake.
Secondly, don't see children as possessions to be taken away at will by anybody. When we start seeing them as human beings, you will stop being afraid that a man he never grew up with will just come and take him from nowhere to claim him. Can't you render help to a stranger, talkmore of a child from your wife.
I'm sure you know people who are sending the children of poor people to school, and those children are living with them. I know those raising their house helps, and sending them to good schools. Are they planning to claim those househelps as their possession? Has that stopped them from rendering help, despite knowing the househlep will leave at some point and be 'claimed' by her people?

God bless you real good for this response.

Honestly, some of the people commenting here, have wickedness flowing in their bloodstream.

I know a high court judge who was raised by his step-father. The step-father had other kids, and treated this guy equally with his other children. He spent good money to educate him, and sent him abroad to study.

He turned out to be very successful. When the step-father died, the guy was so sad. He spent good money to care for the man when he was ill until he died, and later joined his siblings, in giving their stepfather a befitting burial.

I know many industrialists and powerful business men who were brought up by relatives and not even their biological parents, who turned out well.

Mandelus:

Dear, the real father have a family even if he is based in Italy. The man will always come for his children now or later so will the children.

I read everything oga

So because his biological dad has family and I should abandon him with them so they could maltreat him worse than my sister in law. If his family did care about my children they should have come looking for them none of them has bothered and why should I be bothering myself looking for them? I know his family house but am not going and none of my children will go and stay with any of them. At this moment all My son needs is me his mother he doesn’t need anyone else

Davash222:

Bro, I kid you not, that ukwu is too heavy for tall girls to carry. E go heavy dem. The portability and perpendicular angle of the ukwu shows it was made only for short girls. I know what i saw.

blood of Zakaria

Cherrygold7029:
Bring the boy to me

Thank you . Have already sort out the problem, he will be home with me tomorrow

GamalNasser:
You had two children already and yet went on to marry a struggling man and start raising new family with him and now you want him to bear the responsibility for your wayward son. Where is your son's father ? Where is your son's father family?

Go back and read the story from beginning and stop asking silly questions. The boy's biological father is in Italy. His relatives are nowhere to be found. Chai! Why do you people like jumping into the middle of a story instead of reading through all the pages, to get the facts? Haba?!

I read a comment of yours castigating women and how they treat their helps and all that and in this thread you're supporting a man that is refusing to allow his wife's child and the half brother of his own kids a home and a family unit just shows how desperately wicked and biased you're.

The truth is you may think nairaland comment is just for "fun" but you don't know who's reading and digesting the words you and your likes write on here.

So many homeless kids and you see nothing wrong in this young child being a statistic.

You say you're married right?! You may think you've got your sh8t figured out but you never know the tide of life. Take it from me.

franchasng:
blood of Zakaria

franchasng:
you are wrong, women are wired differently.


Women don't see anything wrong in marrying a single father or marrying as second or 3rd wife. Ladies even prefer to marry older men to younger guys.


Ask yourself why don't men agree to marry a woman with husband already and live in same house with her and the first & second husbands

Everyday we read and hear about educated, mature, classy, rich career ladies and also poor, young, vulnerable, broke girls happily marrying men as 2nd or 3rd wives, do we hear or read same about men marrying ladies with husband as 2nd or 3rd husband living together


Women and men are wired to act, think, reason and respond to life issues differently, that is the diversity of human race; don't force men to be like women, and as a woman don't force yourself to be like men or act like men, these are the mistakes modern feminists and gender equality proponents are making today

That is your reasoning. Many women who marry such men don't like sharing. They scheme and plan behind each others backs to have his total attention and dedication. Don't be deceived if a woman decides to marry a second hand husband, she knows exactly why she is doing it and it's not simply because she is wired to marry and share him.
Men in some communities around the world practice polyandry (excuse the spelling) where 2 or more men marry 1 woman. That men don't share women is a cultural thing. Hence you find some cultures where they see no qualm in an 80 Yr old man having sex with an 8yr old child cos he has "married" her. Culture ingrains what is acceptable or not in people. If you grew up in a place where men are groomed to just be sperm donor and have nothing more to do in life, you will accept it as natural and if you even try to reject it and deviate, you will be punished and forced to tow the line and that is how women have been conditioned from birth by our culture and societies.
And yes, I would not advise
women to bieve that they are same as men in biology but they are as valuable on earth as any man hence the equality in both. My daughterd are equal in value as my sons. Yet they are different in build. That is a fact every woman should know and teach her kids.

AFONAMARO:
It's obvious you are a kid, and yet to get married.

So you mean the husband should shoulder another man's responsibilities when the man is still alive all in the name of marriage? Do you know if he has the means?

More importantly, for the wife to agree that her own siblings rejected their nephew is a sign that the boy is not a good example to kids.

He knew she had kids before the marriage, and even promised to allow them stay in their home, afterwards. So what do you mean by why should "he shoulder another man's responsibilities?"

Is he mad? Why did he agree to marry a single mother in the 1st place, when he knew he could not shoulder her responsibilities? Shioor..... useless stepfather!

pocohantas:


How is the person in those pictures short?

There's an aura of briefness around you

Mandelus:
Dear, the real father have a family even if he is based in Italy. The man will always come for his children now or later so will the children.

I read everything oga

He will come back.... in what shape, in what year or in what form? Are you the one going to bring him back?

What makes you even think his family will even accept the boy, and will not treat him badly?

So should she throw the child into the street, until the so-called useless father comes back? Why are you people so clueless??

Ishilove:

There's an aura of briefness around you

Really?

An aura of ugliness too. Lmao.

femi4:
Not all kids have that privileges of being trained by their parents. Some developed good characters from what they hear and see others do.

Don't use that has an excuse

Yes, provided the people who trained them have their best interests at heart and do NOT maltreat them.

That is why this stepfather's refusal to allow the mother bring her child in, is reprehensible! Period.

martowskin1:
Is all good and u are right.... His only mistake is getting married to a single mother.

I hope most young men learn from this as well, don't start what u cant finish. Run from single mothers, they are baggages.

But let me ask, if this man is a coward, what about the biological father that said "I do" in front of the alter.

What can we call him?

Both men are bloody useless cowards. Totally unstable idiotts. Are you happy now??

CeterisXVII:


He knew she had kids before the marriage, and even promised to allow them stay in their home, afterwards. So what do you mean by why should "he shoulder another man's responsibilities?"

Is he mad? Why did he agree to marry a single mother in the 1st place, when he knew he could not shoulder her responsibilities? Shioor..... useless stepfather!

He changed his mind. It happens.

She should sort her son out without trying to play the emotional game with him.

eduman365:
It's wrong for you to tag someone an opportunist just because you heard one side of the story, we Yorubas regard such judgement as a wicked one.

I want to let you know that women could be very selfish when narrating their side of a story. Who knows the kind of agreement they had hitherto? When a woman is desperate to be wifed by a man they'll promise to do whatever you wish just to make you marry them, afterwards they switch.

Don't believe her story too much to the point where you'll start blaming the man. It's not easy to father two children from another man.

Oga, he is an opportunist. Why did he MARRY her, when he knew she had two kids? He cannot deny that he didn't know about the existence of the kids. He had the opportunity to marry a woman WITHOUT kids, but he chose this one. Why??

In Yorubaland, a lot of people bring up children who are extended family members, and they turn out well. Yet, this stepfather is refusing to allow his own wife's child live inside their home.

Does he expect her to abandon him on the streets? He is just so selfish.....and yes, he is a clueless opportunist.

AFONAMARO:
He changed his mind. It happens.

She should sort her son out without trying to play the emotional game with him.

He changed his mind knowing the destiny of a whole human being that is still a child would be affected. He is a useless man....may people change their minds about doing good things for him, whenever he is in need.

pocohantas:


Really?

An aura of ugliness too. Lmao.

No ugliness at all o. Your skin is as smooth as caramel, your face oval, thine buttocks, gargantuan. You have an aura beauty and briefness

CeterisXVII:

Oga, he is an opportunist. Why did he MARRY her, when he knew she had two kids?

In Yorubaland, a lot of people bring up children who are extended family members and they turn out well. Yet, this stepfather is refusing to allow his wife's child live inside their home.

Does he expect her to abandon him on the streets? He is just so selfish.....

When issues get complicated, the woman must find a way to placate the husband into accepting the boy to live with them, but she must also reason along the man's line of thinking... When you quoted me initially you saw what I suggested; taking the boy to a boarding school and having him come home during the holidays. The neighbours are already used to calling baba this, baba that, when another child comes into the equation, questions will arise.

I am not against the poor little boy staying with his mother, just trying to see things from the man's perspective. You keep calling him an opportunist, whereas the woman never mentioned that he couldn't feed himself. There is no crime in your wife paying more for family expenses if she has more. Men from this side of the world have been told they must be financially superior to their wives or never marry her and that is why a lot of single ladies find it hard to find a husband, and if they eventually find one who earns lower, the society, people like you will tag them opportunist and gold diggers... It is very unfair.

No wonder African men die earlier...

CeterisXVII:


God bless you real good for this response.

Honestly, some of the people commenting here, have wickedness flowing in their bloodstream.

I know a high court judge who was raised by his step-father. The step-father had other kids, and treated this guy equally with his other children. He spent good money to educate him, and sent him abroad to study.

He turned out to be very successful. When the step-father died, the guy was so sad. He spent good money to care for the man when he was ill, until he died and joined his siblings in giving their stepfather a befitting burial.

I know many industrialists and powerful business men who were brought up by relatives and not even their biological parents, who turned out well.

Hmmm.
That's life for you.
It's just sad some of us are so wicked towards each other and it seems to be more prominent in this younger generation.
Or perhaps it's youth and the inexperiences of life making people say what they know nothing of?

oodua1stson:
if your hubby had 2 kids outside will you allow him to bring them both in? You single mothers want to be accepted but you treat your stepchildren like animals. Your son has gone rogue and he did right by not allowing him near his own children. If he pain you divorce him

Stop talking like a daft person. There are men that have 5 kids, and still marry other women who will come in to take care of such kids. Too many examples of this abound, especially in Muslim families.

Even if a man has 3 kids outside, the wife has no choice, but to accept them as long as he told her BEFORE the marriage, about those kids. Go and check. Such things are common everywhere in dis Naija.

Ishilove:

No ugliness at all o. Your skin is as smooth as caramel, your face oval, thine buttocks, gargantuan. You have an aura beauty and briefness

I am not TALL, but I am definitely not short or average. I went to represent my boss at a meeting on Thursday, took this pic. Do I look short?

eduman365:
When issues get complicated, the woman must find a way to placate the husband into accepting the boy to live with them, but she must also reason along the man's line of thinking... When you quoted me initially you saw what I suggested; taking the boy to a boarding school and having him come home during the holidays. The neighbours are already used to calling baba this, baba that, when another child comes into the equation, questions will arise.

I am not against the poor little boy staying with his mother, just trying to see things from the man's perspective. You keep calling him an opportunist, whereas the woman never mentioned that he couldn't feed himself. There is no crime in your wife paying more for family expenses if she has more. Men from this side of the world have been told they must be financially superior to their wives or never marry her and that is why a lot of single ladies find it hard to find a husband, and if they eventually find one who earns lower, the society, people like you will tag them opportunist and gold diggers... It is very unfair.

No wonder African men die earlier...

All this long grammar will not change the fact that the man is an opportunist. He AGREED before the marriage, to allow both kids live with them, and even allowed the woman to bring in her daughter.

If he was not an opportunist, why did he agree to such terms before marriage? There was something the woman had, that he wanted. He wasn't in love with her. If you truly love someone, their problems become your own problems, and you would find a way to solve it, because of the love you have for them...

A man's true colour always comes out when he has a bit of money....so I will always advise women to be careful of marrying men who are poorer, than they are. Their mentality changes once small change, enters their hand.

That is when such men will realise their older, richer girlfriends are ugly or unfashionable. Then they start looking for younger, finer, dumber girls to settle down with....dem full ground for Naija.