Ovi2020:

Yeah, I realise it is so but in this kind of situation you can't be too direct bc you dont have all the info about them. You practically don't know anything about them

Since u say u dont have all d facts, then what's d basis of d advice u offered?

Chi59:

I stand by the fact that men are more confused now than any other time. And what's worse? You make innocent people pay for it.
Fvck off into the unknown. Don't quote me again.

If u say "I stand by the fact that men are more confused now than any other time", yet u haven't been able to dispute d fact that u are in pain because of ur past relationships& encounter with men. So u aren't actually concerned about d confusion of men, u are only expressing a deep seated trauma by diverting attention from ur pain.

Today, i was looking thru ur previous posts& it only confirms my theory. Like I said, I didn't need psychoanalysis to figure ur state of mind:

"I haven't been fortunate with guys.
My first attempt at a relationship failed woefully.
And so did the second, third and fourth.
It isnt entirely without a reason though.
I'm SS. I have been a Sickle cell advocate for many years. I don't shy away from talking about it on any level.

Apart from that fact, I'm beautiful, smart, funny, very lovely, outgoing (even as an ambivert). I poses a healthy level of empathy, self esteem and confidence.

Physically I'm tall, slim, moderately endowed. I have been told that I look healthier than some "healthy" people.
So I don't know, what am I lacking?
All the guys I've been in love with, for one flimsy reason or the other just disappear for no reason. Just like that.

Of course, I don't hide my genotype status, but then they seem cool with it. Months later, he disappears and leaves me heartbroken.

Now I find myself liking someone again (the fifth guy). We haven't gotten that close but I'm scared. Should I lie to him? What do I tell him?"

U can't hide ur feelings.

By d way, since I have quoted u again, what are u going to do about it?

lexy2014:


If that's d case, then ur earlier comment to which i responded has no basis. because d people u are accusing also have d advantage of anonymity just like she does:

"The issue with this is that if something goes wrong in future and she comes here to share her story, the same people that gave her this advice will be the ones to call her olosho who threw herself at a man. It's never really easy for the women folks to express such desires."

You got my post wrong. When I used the word "here" in my initial post, I wasn't specifically referring to NL. It could have been anywhere; even face to face interaction. I was only saying that it's the same set of people that want you to be expressive that would roast you at the slightest opportunity.

You get my point, sir? This thread is just an avenue. And first post isn't against people giving their opinion. It's against the societal perspective of the female folks. We have boxed them into a corner where it's become extremely difficult for them to freely express themselves like their male counterparts without being labelled so we shouldn't expect them to develop the boldness to woo men overnight.

Naughtysite:


Leave am make she dey there dey pretend. One local girl will grab the man.

Women who express their desires make better wives.

Your opinion.
Others may think differently.

[quote author=Uniquekriss post=87435349]I beg to differ, I'm a man and in this part of the world men tend to take advantage of ladies who give them "green lights" especially when d man has not indicated interest in her. He could be shy or not bold enough yet to deliver his manifesto, don't mk d mistake of asking him anything, he didn't ask u out so u are free, just try and initiate conversations that may arouse his jealousy, talk about your virtual bf, give him instances o how your bf or ex bf would do certain things, try and talk about some adult talks in a mature way, that would give him a leeway buh wouldn't mistake that to be "greenlight" if after that and he doesn't say anything, my dear go ahead and flex your father Christmas. There are other good guys who would love u and u love in return. I missed 1pretty girl bk during our JAMB exams days, she was already married with kids when she mentioned to me she was expecting me ro ask her out and I didn't meanwhile I had it in mind buh no courage. Her beauty intimidated me though not knowing she also had feelings for me. I ended up flirting with a married woman though nothing happened and her hubby found out that was how the ties severed for for almost 4years now. Cowardice issa bastard[/quoteu.u see u...read what u wrote again very well and u will c dt u are in total support on what I said. U lost someone who loved and u also did love her but because u and her had no courage to say the word, u both missed getting married. If she that lady u missed, had the courage to say those nice words to u, letting u know how she felt, u would have married her. Abt ur talk advising girls to make guys jealous hmm that would b a dangerous mistake to any girl that really like a guy because she will lose that guy I promise u that. 80% sure. The best thing is to open up and tell d guy d koko and finish.

Princelyon247:


Hah hah ah haha
Same here at times
But not always

Actually am naturally bold but shy when it comes woman

N.a. soo oh

tiredoflife:
.

So he is a good husband material cos he pays the bills
Who did this to u
Why has materialism become the only way to view a man
Smh
No wonder wen u guys cant meet up
U turn around to call ladies like this olosho

Kuku say you broke , so you no fit buy stuff for girl without asking her for number or stuffs? Abi Wetin you Dey talk

WoundedLamb:


You got my post wrong. When I used the word "here" in my initial post, I wasn't specifically referring to NL. It could have been anywhere; even face to face interaction. I was only saying that it's the same set of people that want you to be expressive that would roast you at the slightest opportunity.

You get my point, sir? This thread is just an avenue. And first post isn't against people giving their opinion. It's against the societal perspective of the female folks. We have boxed them into a corner where it's become extremely difficult for them to freely express themselves like their male counterparts without being labelled so we shouldn't expect them to develop the boldness to woo men overnight.

I didn't miss ur point. Truth is that I don't see d relevance of d issues u raised to what d lady said in her comment regarding d guy. U also seem to be contradicting urself because here u say

WoundedLamb:


When I used the word "here" in my initial post, I wasn't specifically referring to NL. It could have been anywhere; even face to face interaction.

And first post isn't against people giving their opinion.

I don't no if d word "here" has a different meaning from d one we know in d dictionary. And what u said earlier is polls apart from d explanation u are giving. Its like u talking about two different things:

"The issue with this is that if something goes wrong in future and she comes here to share her story, the same people that gave her this advice will be the ones to call her olosho who threw herself at a man. It's never really easy for the women folks to express such desires."

Like I noted earlier, I fail to see d relevance of what society has done or hasn't done to ladies. D author of d thread said she has a guy that is very friendly with her. From what she said, she is expecting d guy to toast her. She also said she doesn't know where d guy lives. Does d society prevent a woman from finding out about d life a perceived suitor? How'd it d fault of society that d lady isn't making enquiries that she is supposed to make? By telling us on nairaland that she doesn't no were d guy lives, what does she want nairaland to do for her? Does she want nairaland to locate d guys address for her?

LifeOfTrigga:



Kuku say you broke , so you no fit buy stuff for girl without asking her for number or stuffs? Abi Wetin you Dey talk

First, must u buy stuff for a woman? Second, are u saying that if a guy buys stuff for a lady& ask "her for number or stuffs", that means d guy is broke?

lexy2014:


I didn't miss ur point. Truth is that I don't see d relevance of d issues u raised to what d lady said in her comment regarding d guy. U also seem to be contradicting urself because here u say

I don't no if d word "here" has a different meaning from d one we know in d dictionary. And what u said earlier is polls apart from d explanation u are giving. Its like u talking about two different things:

"The issue with this is that if something goes wrong in future and she comes here to share her story, the same people that gave her this advice will be the ones to call her olosho who threw herself at a man. It's never really easy for the women folks to express such desires."

Like I noted earlier, I fail to see d relevance of what society has done or hasn't done to ladies. D author of d thread said she has a guy that is very friendly with her. From what she said, she is expecting d guy to toast her. She also said she doesn't know where d guy lives. Does d society prevent a woman from finding out about d life a perceived suitor? How'd it d fault of society that d lady isn't making enquiries that she is supposed to make? By telling us on nairaland that she doesn't no were d guy lives, what does she want nairaland to do for her? Does she want nairaland to locate d guys address for her?

Pleae, do not be too fast to write-off others when you are clearly the one mixing things up. My post was not a response to the author of the thread. It's was a response to the guy I quoted. His post was what got my attention. I didn't even contribute the OP's story. If you read the person I quoted and still think you do not see the relevance of my post to it, then quote me and I'll explain further.

As for the word "here", it could connote a lot of things depending on context. The dictionary does not give connotative meanings but only denotative meanings. I used it; the context is mine so I'm to tell you exactly the meaning in that context. And like I said, it was npt specifically refering Nairaland, it refers anywhere this kind of advisers are gathered.

WoundedLamb:


Pleae, do not be too fast to write-off others when you are clearly the one mixing things up. My post was not a response to the author of the thread. It's was a response to the guy I quoted. His post was what got my attention. I didn't even contribute the OP's story. If you read the person I quoted and still think you do not see the relevance of my post to it, then quote me and I'll explain further.

As for the word "here", it could connote a lot of things depending on context. The dictionary does not give connotative meanings but only denotative meanings. I used it; the context is mine so I'm to tell you exactly the meaning in that context. And like I said, it was npt specifically refering Nairaland, it refers anywhere this kind of advisers are gathered.

Aren't u d one who wrote others off with this?:

"The issue with this is that if something goes wrong in future and she comes here to share her story, the same people that gave her this advice will be the ones to call her olosho who threw herself at a man. It's never really easy for the women folks to express such desires."

Ur ability at self denial and shifting blame is amazing. Even if u quoted d guy, I don't see how d things u said are relevant to what d lady said. U are trying to isolate ur comment & that it isn't related to what d lady said. How's that? Ur plenty grammar is leading nowhere. U just digging deeper & deeper.

So ur definition of "here" is everywhere? Have u ever heard of "here" and "there"? There can't be a "there" and then u say it means "here". That's a distortion of English language. "Here" doesn't connote a lot of things. It simply means "in this place at d present time" and "there" means in that place. Take note of where u said "...she comes here to share her story...". Pls where did she come?

So u can't have used "here" at d time u used it and say u meant somewhere else. Ur claim therefore of monopoly of understanding of d word because u used is a fallacy except d meaning of d word has been changed in d dictionary without d world being informed about it.

lexy2014:


Aren't u d one who wrote others off with this?:

"The issue with this is that if something goes wrong in future and she comes here to share her story, the same people that gave her this advice will be the ones to call her olosho who threw herself at a man. It's never really easy for the women folks to express such desires."

Ur ability at self denial and shifting blame is amazing. Even if u quoted d guy, I don't see how d things u said are relevant to what d lady said. U are trying to isolate ur comment & that it isn't related to what d lady said. How's that? Ur plenty grammar is leading nowhere. U just digging deeper & deeper.

So ur definition of "here" is everywhere? Have u ever heard of "here" and "there"? There can't be a "there" and then u say it means "here". That's a distortion of English language. "Here" doesn't connote a lot of things. It simply means "in this place at d present time" and "there" means in that place. Take note of where u said "...she comes here to share her story...". Pls where did she come?

So u can't have used "here" at d time u used it and say u meant somewhere else. Ur claim therefore of monopoly of understanding of d word because u used is a fallacy except d meaning of d word has been changed in d dictionary without d world being informed about it.

Sir, "here and there" will not fit into that context. I'm not going get low with you on English grammar so I'll let you be on that.

You didn't make much point here against my initial submission about ladies being disadvantaged when it comes to making the first move so I really find it hard responding. I'm being honest with you.

Are you saying that ladies are not disadvantaged or that it shouldn't stop them from making the first move? Cause the guy I quoted said the lady should have made the move and I explained why it wouldn't be so easy for her. He has responded and we have come to some understanding. So I'm honestly struggling to see what you're on about.

Mind making your argument clearer? Please.

prepresh:
There is this guy that is very close to me, he calls me often, but has never asked me out.

I don't know his house, he doesn't know mine, he has never taken me out on a date but does more than enough for me.

What should I do? Because other suitors are coming and I like him.

I'm not against those that told you to ask him out directly, but you can give this a shot first.

Anything he's doing now , try to match it too. Does he call you twice a day , start calling maybe not twice but call too. Does he give you gift on sundays after church? It might not be everytime but give him something in return too. And during the week plan a weekend 'date' , ask him if he's free on Friday/saturday , tell him there's this new place with good food you want you both to try out. After the date insist on paying , tell him he's been soo nice to you and you don't undertand , tell him how men like him are rare lol and all that stuff sha ... (just get him to talk , bring up childhood stories , relationships and all that...)

If he's really good guy and not just someone breeding you for the kill at the right time he'll voice out

WoundedLamb:


Sir, "here and there" will not fit into that context. I'm not going get low with you on English grammar so I'll let you be on that.

You didn't make much point here against my initial submission about ladies being disadvantaged when it comes to making the first move so I really find it hard responding. I'm being honest with you.

Are you saying that ladies are not disadvantaged or that it shouldn't stop them from making the first move? Cause the guy I quoted said the lady should have made the move and I explained why it wouldn't be so easy for her. He has responded and we have come to some understanding. So I'm honestly struggling to see what you're on about.

Mind making your argument clearer? Please.

What context are u referring when u are trying to distort d meaning of a word by engaging in self denial. If there was a context, u would have mentioned it. But u can't because there is none.
U are already below low so there's no low u are getting. U cant give what u dont have.

D guy u quoted was very comprehensive in his comment. Here is his take as he covered every angle. Pls take note of every single point he made:

"Inquire more about him if he is already in a serious relationship and let him define the purpose your friendship and how he wishes both of you should end up

beside that if you really like him

what's wrong in asking him out and paying the bills on your first date

that will surely impress him the more".


Which society disadvantaged a woman from asking a man out? Is it ur imaginary society or d same one in which d gentleman who made suggestion lives in? Is d gentleman who made d suggestion not part of that same society? How has society prevented d lady from doing her homework which d gentleman also noted that d lady hasn't done? Is it societys fault that she can't ask questions about a guy she thinks is showing interest in her?

[quote author=SavageMaster post=87389176]

Set up a meeting with him in a public place, say a restaurant. Thank him for the attention, care and for providing for you.

Then tell him you need him to define what both of you are doing, and what he is up to. Tell him you need him to define his relationship with you. Go ahead to tell him you have suitors coming for your hand in marriage, and you don't want him to receive your wedding invitation unexpectedly.

I think you should be bit soft on him, since you really like him. If he is sensible, after your saying these, he'll take the hint and do the needful.

If he intends to marry you, he should give you a timeframe, and then you go back, think about it, and reply him later.

If he's not yet ready to settle down, I think you should move on.

Wish I could like your speech million times

lexy2014:


Which society disadvantaged a woman from asking a man out? Is it ur imaginary society or d same one in which d gentleman who made suggestion lives in? Is d gentleman who made d suggestion not part of that same society? How has society prevented d lady from doing her homework which d gentleman also noted that d lady hasn't done? Is it societys fault that she can't ask questions about a guy she thinks is showing interest in her?

Ok. Let's concentrate on the seemingly relevant part of your post. So you do not think that the African society - whose culture is steeped in the concept of a man approaching a woman for a relationship - is bias towards women who do the wooing? Are you just trolling or are really serious? Where are you from, the moon?

When a guy goes after a girl, he's termed "my guy", "sharp guy", etc. When a lady slides into the dm, she's "spoilt", "a slut", "destiny killer", etc. Guys post pictures of endowed ladies online (let me not use the word "here", before you get turned on, lol) and drool over them. When a lady does this, she's no longer a wife material! Men, regardless of their age, go after girls of almost any age. If a grownup lady goes after a younger guy, she's an old milf looking for whose destiny to kill. When the marriage falls apart, 'olosho marriage no dey last'. The examples are endless.

The bias is all around us, even the blind can see it. You, what would be your reaction if see your younger brother going after a girl on your street? Would you have the same reaction if your younger sister is even slightly rumoured to be running after a particular boy in your street?

There's no point arguing this sir. It's the most obvious thing ever. You may try to deny or claim not to notice but I live in a country where - though the bias is there - it is not as bad as it is in Africa. And the difference is so clear. The women on this side are bolder and more confident.

Again, the person I quoted knows not to expect such bold moves from the female folks when there's no equal playing ground.

WoundedLamb:


Ok. Let's concentrate on the seemingly relevant part of your post. So you do not think that the African society - whose culture is steeped in the concept of a man approaching a woman for a relationship - is bias towards women who do the wooing? Are you just trolling or are really serious? Where are you from, the moon?

When a guy goes after a girl, he's termed "my guy", "sharp guy", etc. When a lady slides into the dm, she's "spoilt", "a slut", "destiny killer", etc. Guys post pictures of endowed ladies online (let me not use the word "here", before you get turned on, lol) and drool over them. When a lady does this, she's no longer a wife material! Men, regardless of their age, go after girls of almost any age. If a grownup lady goes after a younger guy, she's an old milf looking for whose destiny to kill. When the marriage falls apart, 'olosho marriage no dey last'. The examples are endless.

The bias is all around us, even the blind can see it. You, what would be your reaction if see your younger brother going after a girl on your street? Would you have the same reaction if your younger sister is even slightly rumoured to be running after a particular boy in your street?

There's no point arguing this sir. It's the most obvious thing ever. You may try to deny or claim not to notice but I live in a country where - though the bias is there - it is not as bad as it is in Africa. And the difference is so clear. The women on this side are bolder and more confident.

Again, the person I quoted knows not to expect such bold moves from the female folks when there's no equal playing ground.

Let me take it from here. if u were able to honestly answer d questions I asked, u wouldn't seem lost in how d society which u say u live in and observe functions. Are women afraid to go after a man because of society? Once again, read d points made by d gentleman u said u responded to

lexy2014:

"Inquire more about him if he is already in a serious relationship and let him define the purpose your friendship and how he wishes both of you should end up

beside that if you really like him

what's wrong in asking him out and paying the bills on your first date

that will surely impress him the more".

Then observe d questions I asked as a follow up. If u can answer them, then u have d answers to d questions u are asking which like I mentioned earlier are irrelevant.

lexy2014:

Which society disadvantaged a woman from asking a man out? Is it ur imaginary society or d same one in which d gentleman who made suggestion lives in? Is d gentleman who made d suggestion not part of that same society? How has society prevented d lady from doing her homework which d gentleman also noted that d lady hasn't done? Is it societys fault that she can't ask questions about a guy she thinks is showing interest in her?

Kindly engage these questions first as a follow up to d issues d gentleman raised in his comment then we can make progress. All I can see u doing is engaging in feminist rhetoric which is about shifting d blame for ur inadequacy as a person (not as a woman& hiding under d garb of womanhood) on society.

WoundedLamb:

(let me not use the word "here", before you get turned on, lol)

if your younger sister is even slightly rumoured to be running after a particular boy in your street?

I can see that d word "here" still gives u jitters. Its a pity that u can't change d universal meaning to suit ur narrative. Regarding ur point made about "running after", every girl/woman (whether its my sister or u) who is in love with a man/guy, "runs after" d man/guy. Every man/guy who is in love with a woman/girl, runs after that woman/girl. If they don't "run after" each other, how do u expect them to get married? "Running after" is a normal thing.

lexy2014:


Let me take it from here. if u were able to honestly answer d questions I asked, u wouldn't seem lost in how d society which u say u live in and observe functions. Are women afraid to go after a man because of society? Once again, read d points made by d gentleman u said u responded to



Then observe d questions I asked as a follow up. If u can answer them, then u have d answers to d questions u are asking which like I mentioned earlier are irrelevant.



Kindly engage these questions first as a follow up to d issues d gentleman raised in his comment then we can make progress. All I can see u doing is engaging in feminist rhetoric which is about shifting d blame for ur inadequacy as a person (not as a woman& hiding under d garb of womanhood) on society.



I can see that d word "here" still gives u jitters. Its a pity that u can't change d universal meaning to suit ur narrative. Regarding ur point made about "running after", every girl/woman (whether its my sister or u) who is in love with a man/guy, "runs after" d man/guy. Every man/guy who is in love with a woman/girl, runs after that woman/girl. If they don't "run after" each other, how do u expect them to get married? "Running after" is a normal thing.

Let's stop burying our heads in the sand like the Ostrich.

You just jumped into my conversation with the guy and you clearly do not understand the caveats of that conversation.The guy I quoted submitted his opinion and ended it with a question which I moved to answer. He said the lady should inquire more about the guy. That's great. Then he proceeded to ask: what's wrong in asking him out and paying the bills on your first date? And I started my response with "the issue with this is that...". And then you come saying you don't see how my response tallies with the post. Really? How clearer could that be?

Now, I posit that there is nothing wrong with asking him out but our society does not make it easy for the female folks to do that. Our society, sadly, does not roll that way. This is a clear fact and only a chauvinistic individual would claim not to know that. There's no point even arguing that. Even you if you, as a person, do not have issues with women going after men; are you going to pretend not know that people slutshame ladies that do? Have you ever heard the expression "he is throwing himself at her"? I bet not. But on regular basis, women who take the lead are said to be throwing themselves at the men in question. And you think that's not loopsided? I'm afraid you're letting sexism becloud your senses.

I don't know what feminism is to you. I don't know how I got labelled one. But I know what reality is back there in Nigeria and what I have stated is a clear fact. You can choose to deny or ignore it, that's your choice.

WoundedLamb:


Let's stop burying our heads in the sand like the Ostrich.

You just jumped into my conversation with the guy and you clearly do not understand the caveats of that conversation.The guy I quoted submitted his opinion and ended it with a question which I moved to answer. He said the lady should inquire more about the guy. That's great. Then he proceeded to ask: what's wrong in asking him out and paying the bills on your first date? And I started my response with "the issue with this is that...". And then you come saying you don't see how my response tallies with the post. Really? How clearer could that be?

Now, I posit that there is nothing wrong with asking him out but our society does not make it easy for the female folks to do that. Our society, sadly, does not roll that way. This is a clear fact and only a chauvinistic individual would claim not to know that. There's no point even arguing that. Even you if you, as a person, do not have issues with women going after men; are you going to pretend not know that people slutshame ladies that do? Have you ever heard the expression "he is throwing himself at her"? I bet not. But on regular basis, women who take the lead are said to be throwing themselves at the men in question. And you think that's not loopsided? I'm afraid you're letting sexism becloud your senses.

I don't know what feminism is to you. I don't know how I got labelled one. But I know what reality is back there in Nigeria and what I have stated is a clear fact. You can choose to deny or ignore it, that's your choice.

Madam answer simple questions. By avoiding and deflecting d questions, u clearly demonstrating d same self denial that u accuse me of. Kindly answer d simple questions I asked:

"Which society disadvantaged a woman from asking a man out? Is it ur imaginary society or d same one in which d gentleman who made suggestion lives in? Is d gentleman who made d suggestion not part of that same society? How has society prevented d lady from doing her homework which d gentleman also noted that d lady hasn't done? Is it societys fault that she can't ask questions about a guy she thinks is showing interest in her?"

Now let's go to d comment by d guy and see whether u even understand anything he said.

lexy2014:

"Inquire more about him if he is already in a serious relationship and let him define the purpose your friendship and how he wishes both of you should end up

beside that if you really like him

what's wrong in asking him out and paying the bills on your first date

that will surely impress him the more".

Let me break it down 4u point by point.
(I) Inquire more about him if he is already in a serious relationship.

Does "society" prevent a woman from enquiring about a man that shows interest in her?

(ii) let him define the purpose your friendship and how he wishes both of you should end up

Does "society" prevent a woman from asking a man to perform d above mentioned task?

(iii) what's wrong in asking him out and paying the bills on your first date?

Does "society" prevent a woman from paying d bills on d first date? Regarding ur unverified about what d reality is in Nigeria, u will get my take as a response on ur previous comment

lexy2014:


Madam answer simple questions. By avoiding and deflecting d questions, u clearly demonstrating d same self denial that u accuse me of. Kindly answer d simple questions I asked:

"Which society disadvantaged a woman from asking a man out? Is it ur imaginary society or d same one in which d gentleman who made suggestion lives in? Is d gentleman who made d suggestion not part of that same society? How has society prevented d lady from doing her homework which d gentleman also noted that d lady hasn't done? Is it societys fault that she can't ask questions about a guy she thinks is showing interest in her?"

Now let's go to d comment by d guy and see whether u even understand anything he said.


Let me break it down 4u point by point.
(I) Inquire more about him if he is already in a serious relationship.

Does "society" prevent a woman from enquiring about a man that shows interest in her?

(ii) let him define the purpose your friendship and how he wishes both of you should end up

Does "society" prevent a woman from asking a man to perform d above mentioned task?
(iii) what's wrong in asking him out and paying the bills on your first date?

Does "society" prevent a woman from paying d bills on d first date? Regarding ur unverified about what d reality is in Nigeria, u will get my take as a response on ur previous comment

You assume I'm a lady. That's your first undoing. You see this as a tussle between the male and the female folks. This is clearly not letting you be objective. Which question do you want to to answer? You self-answered sarcastic questions? You don't know the society I'm referring to? You want to me to get petty with you?

(iii) what's wrong in asking him out and paying the bills on your first date?

Does "society" prevent a woman from paying d bills on d first date? Regarding ur unverified about what d reality is in Nigeria, u will get my take as a response on ur previous comment

Who is talking about bills? Did I mention bills or money in all my responses to you so far? Do you think asking someone out is all about going to the restaurant to eat? We are talking about taking the lead in starting a relationship. And yes, the society makes it difficult for the female folks to do that because most times, they are shamed when they do so. This is my stance. You can run around all you want but deep within you, you know it's true.

WoundedLamb:


Let's stop burying our heads in the sand like the Ostrich.

You just jumped into my conversation with the guy and you clearly do not understand the caveats of that conversation.The guy I quoted submitted his opinion and ended it with a question which I moved to answer. He said the lady should inquire more about the guy. That's great. Then he proceeded to ask: what's wrong in asking him out and paying the bills on your first date? And I started my response with "the issue with this is that...". And then you come saying you don't see how my response tallies with the post. Really? How clearer could that be?

Now, I posit that there is nothing wrong with asking him out but our society does not make it easy for the female folks to do that. Our society, sadly, does not roll that way. This is a clear fact and only a chauvinistic individual would claim not to know that. There's no point even arguing that. Even you if you, as a person, do not have issues with women going after men; are you going to pretend not know that people slutshame ladies that do? Have you ever heard the expression "he is throwing himself at her"? I bet not. But on regular basis, women who take the lead are said to be throwing themselves at the men in question. And you think that's not loopsided? I'm afraid you're letting sexism becloud your senses.

I don't know what feminism is to you. I don't know how I got labelled one. But I know what reality is back there in Nigeria and what I have stated is a clear fact. You can choose to deny or ignore it, that's your choice.

According to u:

WoundedLamb:

When a guy goes after a girl, he's termed "my guy", "sharp guy", etc. When a lady slides into the dm, she's "spoilt", "a slut", "destiny killer", etc. Guys post pictures of endowed ladies online (let me not use the word "here", before you get turned on, lol) and drool over them. When a lady does this, she's no longer a wife material! Men, regardless of their age, go after girls of almost any age. If a grownup lady goes after a younger guy, she's an old milf looking for whose destiny to kill. When the marriage falls apart, 'olosho marriage no dey last'. The examples are endless.

U keep mentioning and blaming society. Pls who is society? Who & who makes up d society that u are referring?

In ur first sentence in d above quote, u said "...he's termed "my guy", "sharp guy", etc". Who and who does d terming? Can u be specific about d who? Can you be exact& specific with d identities of those who say all these things and on what occasion?

"When a lady slides into the dm", did she take permission from ur imaginary b4 she did sliding? Does d "society" monitor women sliding into DMs? because from ur use of d word "when", its almost as if "society" has an eye on d activities of ladies and reacts immediately with insults immediately it gets an alert that ladies slide into DMs.

Have u ever gone after a younger guy? If no, why didn't u? If yes, how did it go? What is d preference of most women in terms of age of men? What is d preference of most men in terms of age? Are u aware that d late wife of RMD was 4years older than him?

WoundedLamb:

Guys post pictures of endowed ladies online (let me not use the word "here", before you get turned on, lol) and drool over them.When a lady does this, she's no longer a wife material!

What is d "this" u say a lady does that disqualifies her from being a wife material? Who set d criteria and did d judgement? Once again, be specific.

merit455:
Move on,him no like you. He is just helping you bcs you are poor. You are not his type, seeking useless advise

Hmmmm, there is so much hate in your word. What you wrote is Dark.

WoundedLamb:


You assume I'm a lady. That's your first undoing. You see this as a tussle between the male and the female folks. This is clearly not letting you be objective. Which question do you want to to answer? You self-answered sarcastic questions? You don't know the society I'm referring to? You want to me to get petty with you?


Who is talking about bills? Did I mention bills or money in all my responses to you so far? Do you think asking someone out is all about going to the restaurant to eat? We are talking about taking the lead in starting a relationship. And yes, the society makes it difficult for the female folks to do that because most times, they are shamed when they do so. This is my stance. You can run around all you want but deep within you, you know it's true.

If u aren't a lady that's good but that doesn't answer d questions I asked. If u feel u are telling d truth, then answer d simple questions.

WoundedLamb:

Who is talking about bills? Did I mention bills or money in all my responses to you so far? Do you think asking someone out is all about going to the restaurant to eat?

Then cast ur mind back to d comment by d gentleman:

lexy2014:

"Inquire more about him if he is already in a serious relationship and let him define the purpose your friendship and how he wishes both of you should end up

beside that if you really like him

what's wrong in asking him out and paying the bills on your first date

that will surely impress him the more".

Do u see anything about bills in d comment above? Did u understand this below?:

lexy2014:

Now let's go to d comment by d guy and see whether u even understand anything he said.

Let me break it down 4u point by point.
(I) Inquire more about him if he is already in a serious relationship.

Does "society" prevent a woman from enquiring about a man that shows interest in her?

(ii) let him define the purpose your friendship and how he wishes both of you should end up

Does "society" prevent a woman from asking a man to perform d above mentioned task?

(iii) what's wrong in asking him out and paying the bills on your first date?

Does "society" prevent a woman from paying d bills on d first date? Regarding ur unverified about what d reality is in Nigeria, u will get my take as a response on ur previous comment

lexy2014:


If u aren't a lady that's good but that doesn't answer d questions I asked. If u feel u are telling d truth, then answer d simple questions.



Then cast ur mind back to d comment by d gentleman:



Do u see anything about bills in d comment above? Did u understand this below?:

Which question please? The society I'm referring to? Isn't it clear I'm referring to the Nigerian society and that of Africa at large? Why the petty questions? I seriously don't get it.

Again, my response was an obvious answer to 'what's wrong in asking him out?'. Who pays the bill is inconsequential to my argument. If you want us to talk about who pays the bills when a lady and a guy goes out, I will be extremely happy to share my view on that as well.

WoundedLamb:


Which question please? The society I'm referring to? Isn't it clear I'm referring to the Nigerian society and that of Africa at large? Why the petty questions? I seriously don't get it.

Again, my response was an obvious answer to 'what's wrong in asking him out?'. Who pays the bill is inconsequential to my argument. If you want us to talk about who pays the bills when a lady and a guy goes out, I will be extremely happy to share my view on that as well.

U dont get it because u dont have answers. Who and who makes up d society u are referring? Who is d society?

Can u pls show me where I asked u about who pays d bills? No wonder u are having problems answering simple questions. Pls read again. Take note of point (iii) and d follow up question.

lexy2014:

Now let's go to d comment by d guy and see whether u even understand anything he said.

Let me break it down 4u point by point.
(I) Inquire more about him if he is already in a serious relationship.

Does "society" prevent a woman from enquiring about a man that shows interest in her?

(ii) let him define the purpose your friendship and how he wishes both of you should end up

Does "society" prevent a woman from asking a man to perform d above mentioned task?

(iii) what's wrong in asking him out and paying the bills on your first date?

Does "society" prevent a woman from paying d bills on d first date? Regarding ur unverified about what d reality is in Nigeria, u will get my take as a response on ur previous comment

Meanwhile, every other issue raised in d above still stand as well as d questions below which u are having a hard time navigating:

"Which society disadvantaged a woman from asking a man out? Is it ur imaginary society or d same one in which d gentleman who made suggestion lives in? Is d gentleman who made d suggestion not part of that same society? How has society prevented d lady from doing her homework which d gentleman also noted that d lady hasn't done? Is it societys fault that she can't ask questions about a guy she thinks is showing interest in her?"

lexy2014:


U dont get it because u dont have answers. Who and who makes up d society u are referring? Who is d society?

Can u pls show me where I asked u about who pays d bills? No wonder u are having problems answering simple questions. Pls read again. Take note of point (iii) and d follow up question.



Meanwhile, every other issue raised in d above still stand as well as d questions below which u are having a hard time navigating:

"Which society disadvantaged a woman from asking a man out? Is it ur imaginary society or d same one in which d gentleman who made suggestion lives in? Is d gentleman who made d suggestion not part of that same society? How has society prevented d lady from doing her homework which d gentleman also noted that d lady hasn't done? Is it societys fault that she can't ask questions about a guy she thinks is showing interest in her?"

You don't really come off as someone who's got the ability to have a fallacy free argument. I honestly find it hard to know exactly your stance. Is that the society does not frown at ladies who ask guys out?

The questions you type are insults I chose to ignore. What do you mean by "is it my imaginary society?"? Are we kids?

I have told you the part of his post I was addressing and you keep running in circles. You haven't said anything to dispute my stance.

You are just tiring and I'm beginning to feel I'm arguing with a kid. The guy asked what's wrong with a lady asking a guy out and I said it's not easy for a lady to do that cause the society shames women who do so. Taking it from there, what exactly is your argument? I don't even know what I'm arguing against.

State your position clearly first. If you can't express yourself succinctly, you might as well move on.

WoundedLamb:


You don't really come off as someone who's got the ability to have a fallacy free argument. I honestly find it hard to know exactly your stance. Is that the society does not frown at ladies who ask guys out?

The questions you type are insults I chose to ignore. What do you mean by "is it my imaginary society?"? Are we kids?

I have told you the part of his post I was addressing and you keep running in circles. You haven't said anything to dispute my stance.

You are just tiring and I'm beginning to feel I'm arguing with a kid. The guy asked what's wrong with a lady asking a guy out and I said it's not easy for a lady to do that cause the society shames women who do so. Taking it from there, what exactly is your argument? I don't even know what I'm arguing against.

State your position clearly first. If you can't express yourself succinctly, you might as well move on.

Where is d argument u are referring? I fail to see it. I only asked u simple questions & instead of answering them u are dancing around them like a masquerade in a village square.

Calling my questions insults is an escapist attempt on ur part which has been ur M.O. so am not surprised. If I ask u if d "society" is imaginary, how's that an insult? Is that d only question I asked u? Stop whinning, put on ur thinking cap& answer simple questions.

Answers u give from d questions I have asked will shed light on what u say is true. So far, u haven't been able to do that because ur theories are based on fallacy which u can't defend. If they aren't, my questions won't get under ur skin.

Meanwhile:

"Which society disadvantaged a woman from asking a man out? Is it ur imaginary society or d same one in which d gentleman who made suggestion lives in? Is d gentleman who made d suggestion not part of that same society? How has society prevented d lady from doing her homework which d gentleman also noted that d lady hasn't done? Is it societys fault that she can't ask questions about a guy she thinks is showing interest in her?"

This is also pending;

lexy2014:


According to u:

When a guy goes after a girl, he's termed "my guy", "sharp guy", etc. When a lady slides into the dm, she's "spoilt", "a slut", "destiny killer", etc. Guys post pictures of endowed ladies online (let me not use the word "here", before you get turned on, lol) and drool over them. When a lady does this, she's no longer a wife material! Men, regardless of their age, go after girls of almost any age. If a grownup lady goes after a younger guy, she's an old milf looking for whose destiny to kill. When the marriage falls apart, 'olosho marriage no dey last'. The examples are endless.

U keep mentioning and blaming society. Pls who is society? Who & who makes up d society that u are referring?

In ur first sentence in d above quote, u said "...he's termed "my guy", "sharp guy", etc". Who and who does d terming? Can u be specific about d who? Can you be exact& specific with d identities of those who say all these things and on what occasion?

"When a lady slides into the dm", did she take permission from ur imaginary society b4 she did sliding? Does d "society" monitor women sliding into DMs? because from ur use of d word "when", its almost as if "society" has an eye on d activities of ladies and reacts immediately with insults immediately it gets an alert that ladies slide into DMs.

What is d preference of most women in terms of age of men they want to date or marry? What is d preference of most men in terms of age of women? Are u aware that d late wife of RMD was 4years older than him?

In ur opinion,

"Guys post pictures of endowed ladies online (let me not use the word "here", before you get turned on, lol) and drool over them.When a lady does this, she's no longer a wife material!"

What is d "this" u say a lady does that disqualifies her from being a wife material? Who set d criteria and did d judgement? Once again, be specific.

he love you so much and he has a wife he loves too. he knows you come from a family thats not poor but a struggling family that still needs finacial help. you are a single parent and he pitys your conditions.so i believe he is Gods sent to you and you know this.he has helped a lot of times and you know you cant leave him. my advise is that you play your ball very well and you will benefit a lot. but dont lie to him thats why he is so carefull. because he has been hurt b4

These rules 'when' with Prime that play games.

Be yourself. If you want to ask him it, all. If you want to kiss, kids. If you were disappointed in him not asking you it out kissing you (and you two are already relatively close), tell him.

Chi59:

The same way you guys contradict yourselves.
Tell him, don't tell him, flash green light, don't flash green light, take him out, don't take him out, give him sex, don't try that.
Confused male homo sapiens.

prepresh:
There is this guy that is very close to me, he calls me often, but has never asked me out.

I don't know his house, he doesn't know mine, he has never taken me out on a date but does more than enough for me.

What should I do? Because other suitors are coming and I like him.

You are using him

prepresh:
There is this guy that is very close to me, he calls me often, but has never asked me out.

I don't know his house, he doesn't know mine, he has never taken me out on a date but does more than enough for me.

What should I do? Because other suitors are coming and I like him.

Good evening ma'am, did he later asked you out?