Graxie:
I am beginning to doubt your story, why are you always updating on nairaland where you have idiots insulting you? Moreso, are you sure that man is not a pedophile? What is he doing with your daughter from another man? I hope he is not molesting her? Be fast in involving police. Too many Mad Men walking on the street. Remember that girl is not his blood, he can waste her without thinking.

Graxie:
He took her daughter from another man, he is a thief.

Afromentalist:

the man did not leave with her daughter. He left with THEIR daughter. He was the father.

Graxie:
oh, he took the daughter they both have, madam leave him, let him raise her after all she is his daughter. One less burden.

Graxie:
I have seen it, he is free to do so, I didnt understand before.

Graxie:
I have seen it, he is free to do so, I didnt understand before.

ornicus:


if you have money - get a lawyer. otherwise your daughter will also be living like a second class citizen. your husband almost certainly cannot take care of a child. he is a nigerian man - and he will just push your daughter onto someone else who will treat her like an addon. she is a girl so there is a bery big risk of sexual abuse. better get off those meaningless prayers and get hold of your daughter.

all the hypocrites abusing single mothers - i hope you all know it takes two to make a child - put your dicks in your pants ans stop going raw.

Graxie:
I am beginning to doubt your story, why are you always updating on nairaland where you have idiots insulting you?

Afromentalist:
Mr husband,

if you read me, know that you did a very wise thing. In fact you were a mugu for too long sef.

Don't allow a woman to disrespect you and belittle you because she has small change. You took her daughter, so nobody can say you did not want her children.

If she can bring the boy without your consent, just in the name of paying the rent, tommorow she will bring her lover, because she pays that same rent.

Dey your lane and hustle on your own, to make it financially. Until your wife learns to submit and respect her husband, it is a waste of time. No be for no reason her first husband ran for his life.

pattybf:
.

veykey:
You're comparing a 12 year old boy to a lover. How do you process things? Just thank God you were never deprived of a mother's love. No matter how bad things are, as long as you're with your parents there's hope than staying with outsiders. Her fault may have been the way she handled the matter after the boy was brought home.

Afromentalist:

baba you have no case.

They made a deal, but did the deal mention that the boy is a thief ? when there is a change in circumstances, there should be renegotiations. The boy is a thief, and there could be little hope that he changes.

Has the husband refused to take the daughter too? the fact that he took the daugther which is not his signifies that he nas no issue with taking her children, but his particular issue is with the boy. Moreoever, she openly and unapologetically claims that the husband will never have priority over the son. Then the game is over. Noboy wants to marry a daughter of jezebel who only think about her own interest and cant respect the husband.

That lady is unfit to be called a wife. She is arrogant and stubborn, maybe because she has some money.

She shoud now get married to her money.

eyinjuege:


She would be fine eventually.
There are many unnecessary sentiments attached to marriage.
I only hope the husband will raise his daughter up properly, and not leave her open to be abused.
The OP already has 2 children and one on the way to look after, so its prudent IMO for her to allow her husband raise their daughter, otherwise he would likely just abandon them the way her ex husband abandoned his children.
The marriage was dead when the man refused her son to live with her in the name that he is a thief. You can't label a 12 year old thief for stealing meat from your pot or taking money from your purse. I'm almost sure you did same when you were in your teens.
She did 100% the right thing for her son.
That is her flesh and blood, not some stranger who will walk out when the chips are down.
Like I said, she has nothing to worry about, provided he is looking after their daughter well. It only becomes problematic if he exposes his daughter to danger or doesn't put her in school.
Allow him also struggle to raise and provide for his child. He will appreciate his ex wife more with time.

Afromentalist:

I get your point, you have sense, but look at things differently.

First you have not heard the man's side. Women always play victims, whereas they are main culprits.

Second, this is a woman whose first husband left, and second just left. Now this is no coincidence. It tells a lot about her and her character. She appears to be the type that because she contribues financially, nobody can talk to her.

Third, the guy may be afraid about the boy for wrong reason. I am not saying he is right not to take the boy. But a true wife would not respond like that. If that is what you people call wife, it is better not to get married.

Last, both of them will be fine. She is the one that came here to complain and acted as if the man's life depended on her entirely. Now he has left and she is praying naked.

crackkhaus:

A nicompoop like you with the intellectual density of a dead mahogany, must as a matter of urgency, never quote me again.

If you care so much, please send her a PM, get off NL and take up her issue since it hurts you enough to cause nerological spasms.

Afromentalist:

the boy had a reputation of being a thief. Dont just quote one instance.

Second, nobody is saying the guy is right in refusing the boy. We are saying, it is a normal thing to be afraid in such case. You have quoted one case where it turned out good. I can refer to many cases where it turned out very bad.

A good woman would have won the heart of her husband by negotiation and compromise. Thats the essence of mariage. There are always ways to change a man's heart. You discuss, you negotiate. Thats life.

But because she has some money, she decided she will do it her way and Bleep the husband. Now she must live with the consequence of her action. She will now have a nursery school of different children with no father. It says a lot about her.

007s:
Why don't you send this kid to boarding school nitori olorun and shower him with all the love from afar, let him holiday with you and you enjoy your marriage nitori olorun.

Make sure he lacks nothing in school
Make sure you call him everyday and make him feel loved
Make sure he is doing well in school
When he is on holiday, try to engage him with other extracurricular activities (he enjoys) and limit his presence at home

And pray to God for guidance
Trust me you will secure your marriage, your children's love and future

Nitori olorun be wise
God bless you

LadySarah:


This boy stole foodoo, not money not a break in just to quench Hunger.If there was food he wouldn't dare it.
90 percent of children do not have good experiences living in relatives homes, how much more a mum alive, capable n willing leaving her Child going through hell.

My mum brought my 12 cousin to live with me. After my aunts(mums youn ger sis) death, he was been maltreated right under his father's nose by his relatives. I fact the day my mum met him he was hawking unripe baby plantains and out of school. She flung them away and brought him to my house.

In 4 yr of his mums death his ordeal was heartwrenching.
It took only but love to bring him back. Since 2016 April till when he left my home he doesn't joke with me.

My husband had the same reservations cos of his exposure to the streets but love weaned him from evil.
He is 16 yrs old now and very well behaved even though he isn't with me anymore .
He visits once school closes.

The scars all over his body from constant maltreatment is a a sordid reminder...

Don't wish that on a child.
I'm speaking from the place of a mother and that is what I believe the Op is trying to do.

Winneygirl:


So the criterion for "bowing their heads in shame" is no longer having children out of wedlock, but difficulty in getting married?

Both man and woman are jointly responsible for any child they create.
The child does not belong to the woman more that it belongs to the Man.
We as a society should not shame people for having kids and choosing to raise them.
We as a society should hold men responsible, and not encourage men to walk out on their kids.
If there's any shame, it should be channeled to the man who abandons a child he has, not to the mother who steps up and raises the child.
I don't see why you argue that single mothers should walk in shame while the Fathers who walked away from their responsibilities should hold their heads high.

crackkhaus:

Leave them...

Most of these females, all they know how to do is destroy, never to build up.
Check their private lives, I bet broken things (family, relationships, friendships) will be littered around them.

A woman came here to seek for ways to get her son back, introduce him into a home she shares with her husband...but instead of encouraging her to find a common ground with the man by all means, wise people blessed with wisdom of the ages had nothing else to contribute except to stoke the flames of discord in her family.

Husband is gone, took daughter along...wise ones are still singing more discord songs.
You really can't create this kind of foólishness in a lab... Lol
It has to come pre-installed.

The kind of wisdom that will bring about nothing else but destruction, separation, burnt bridges, and more problems inside a family... may it always be far from me and those I care about. Amin!

CeterisXVII:

You are all shades of daft. All those people advising her to leave the boy are dumb jerks. Should she throw her child on the street, because her husband has refused to let him enter the house?

If that boy grows up to be a criminal tomorrow, because she did not take care of him since she was listening to her husband, you are the same people that would insult her, for not training her son.

Please you people should go and sit down....

Afromentalist:

I now understand those who say single moms should be avoided at all costs. The husband will never have priority over the child from the other relationship.

I though it was a joke, but we can now see it live and direct. Thank you Ishilove

Omar09:


I did not absorb any man who walks out on their children of shame. They're worse than infidel. But I wanna ask, those women who get turned to single mom, is it that they didn't have better option to choose from? Or is it after making choices based on emotions, and it bounces back on them, they will want the whole world to pity them?

90% of all single moms had an opportunity to date a nice guy who will be there for them, who will make their(SM) happiness theirs(nice guys).

Winneygirl:

So, now that they are single mums, now that they already have the children, what is expected of them?

shekauvsbuhari:
you lady U lack wisdom n sound judgement.U behav lik one under a curse. U had 2kids from an audio man who abandoned u n went abroad, now ur new marriage is gone too. hav another failed marriage. Now four kids from two different men n all of dem ran away from U.

If she doesn't sit back and enjoy her 70% she can go on and marry ten more times, and all of them will crash.

Omar09:


I know what it's like being maltreated even when your mom is alive. I am not condemning her act of trying to save the boy child. Hell that boy's life worth the save. But what really pissed me off was the way she went about the whole thing. How can you confidently say your child from another man is worth more than your marriage to another on a forum you are aware of your husband presence and not expect what befell her to befall you?! Does that speak of intelligence? Who knows maybe she must have said to her husband's face. There are ways she could have gotten her husband to bring the son in. What is her feminine nature doing? This is time for her embrace her feminine nature and manipulate her husband but no she wanna show the man who's the boss of the house.

CAPSLOCKED:



Let me tell you a secret, this woman is an error. forget plenty talk.

Omar09:


Two options:

1. Train the kids all by themselves by working 9 to 5 and earning cash.

2. Look for a simp who has a lot of cash and is sex starved and get hooked to him so he can get an lift the burden by providing for you and the kids.


I'd advice them to go for the latter if they can bring out their feminine side. Be that damsel in distress and your prince charming will come running to save you!

Winneygirl:


In other words, Prostitution.
This is why the internet is no place to seek advise. If you don't look well they will lead you into the lagoon, like this OP was led astray.
I rest my case!!

Omar09:
No one held a gun to his head! If you read well, you'd see where I wrote I blame the man for marrying a single mom. They had an agreement, it was broken by the man, not fair! But then should she because she's the financial pillar do things without the approval of her husband? Even tho her husband refused, she should have used the same manipulative skill she used on him to get married to him, why choose to be autocratic?

You make the bed, you lie on it.