CeterisXVII:

Spoken like a true nincompoop.

So abandoning her child on the streets because of her husband, is a far better thing for her to do in your eyes, .... instead of bringing her son home, and correcting his behaviour, so that he doesn't end up as a criminal, or a cultist, or a yahoo boy, tomorrow? Not so?

Wonders will never end! The mindset of Nigerians, never ceases to amaze me....

Winneygirl:


It is his daughter too.
When you were talking about "you and your children", did you forget that the child does not belong to you alone?
Why are you crying naked at midnight?
You said you were willing to sacrifice your marriage for your children.
He is willing to sacrifice the marriage for his child too.
You are not the victim here.
He is the victim.
You cannot do as you please just because you earn money.
.
.
You say he is on nairaland. He has been seeing your posts here on nairaland saying that your children are more important than your marriage.
Well, his child is more important than the marriage.
Stop following the wrong advise here on nairaland. Do what you should have done from the onset. Put sentiments aside and call for a meeting.
Communication and compromise.

Vyvyanvyvy:
A lot of bad things has happened in the past week, my husband and I are no longer together. He has left the house with my 2 years old daughter so I have decided not to take matters into my own hands, have reported him to God to judge and deal with him. I have been praying naked at midnight crying on his name whenever he is he will not have peace nothing shall be well with him until he brings my daughter back. I know he is here and he will be reading. Mark my words

Oyindidi:
Allow him to take a long walk in hell. You have 2 kids and the one you're expecting. Girl you are the strongest woman on earth, give me a tight hug..

asksteve:
Plenty support for and against OPs' action and the subsequent reaction from the husband but still only very few care to notice that a once happy home has been torn apart.

OP has not even shown any remorse or thought of her broken marriage..

Your words and actions show u never actually needed a husband, u just want to have children. Which is y ur daughter is ur only priority not ur broken marriage.

OP b4 I say anything else I'd like to know, do u still want your marriage/husband back?

Oyindidi:
Allow him to take a long walk in hell. You have 2 kids and the one you're expecting. Girl you are the strongest woman on earth, give me a tight hug..

Resurgent2016:


Ensure you join her in her grief and nightly naked prayers, no just online support.
Nairaland single ladies destroying people's home with stupid advise

Resurgent2016:


Ensure you join her in her grief and nightly naked prayers, no just online support.
Nairaland single ladies destroying people's home with stupid advise

Davash222:

Lol
Where’s the tank? Someone needs it now to donate some tears. Hehehehe.
I told you, the man must definitely strike.

dominique:


That's a dumb idea. Would you willingly take in a child you don't know because you you share DNA with his irresponsible dad? How would you have felt if you were dumped with relatives you don't know because your mother wants to keep her marriage? We never put ourselves in people's positions before dishing out advice

Resurgent2016:


While the lady had a valid point, the man also a view point as regards bringing someone with a reputation as the boy had to live with them. After all, the same man allowed her bring one of the children from the former relationship.

They need to dialogue with mutual respect, possibly with the help of third parties and find a compromise.

Instead some people here kept pushing her to openly defy her husband and she was foolish enough not just to take the advise but also talk her husband down: saying he brings very little to the home and he can leave if he wants.

Well, the husband has left and taken what he believes he has a valid interest in. Let her prepare for a new chapter of custody battle

CeterisXVII:

You obviously did NOT read the story from the beginning up till this point, or else you would not have made such a comment.

The boy stole food, because he was hungry and the uncle's wife kept maltreating him, by starving him of meals.

When he was living with his mum in the past, he was NOT a thief!

So the mother now wants to bring him back to live with her, and correct his behaviour, and people like you cannot see anything good in her actions? May God give you eyes to see.....

Vyvyanvyvy:
A lot of bad things has happened in the past week, my husband and I are no longer together. He has left the house with my 2 years old daughter so I have decided not to take matters into my own hands, have reported him to God to judge and deal with him. I have been praying naked at midnight crying on his name whenever he is he will not have peace nothing shall be well with him until he brings my daughter back. I know he is here and he will be reading. Mark my words

MrBrownJay1:
no, certainly didnt read through 50 pages, lol! but let me give you food for thought:
- a mother would always stand by what their kids are doing, whether good or bad.
- a child may not start to steal until he/she is found in the "right" situation.
- if everyone is hungry in the house (because they cant afford so much food), stealing the food that is rationed OR meant for the next day, isnt any better, is it?
- regardless of the situation, this is a family decision, thus decisions about this family must be vetted BY BOTH ADULTS.
- if husband doesnt want that child in his house, he has all the right to do so (especially if he is the bread winner)
- even though husband agreed to take on the child in the past, there is nothing wrong with changing your mind. its called LIFE!
- this is not about whether her actions are good or bad, but whether it is valid to this family. this woman did something wrong from the get go (aka leaving her kids elsewhere for the benefit of her union, and thus should take part of the blame for whats happening.

MrBrownJay1:


no, certainly didnt read through 50 pages, lol! but let me give you food for thought:
- a mother would always stand by what their kids are doing, whether good or bad.
- a child may not start to steal until he/she is found in the "right" situation.
- if everyone is hungry in the house (because they cant afford so much food), stealing the food that is rationed OR meant for the next day, isnt any better, is it?
- regardless of the situation, this is a family decision, thus decisions about this family must be vetted BY BOTH ADULTS.
- if husband doesnt want that child in his house, he has all the right to do so (especially if he is the bread winner)
- even though husband agreed to take on the child in the past, there is nothing wrong with changing your mind. its called LIFE!
- this is not about whether her actions are good or bad, but whether it is valid to this family. this woman did something wrong from the get go (aka leaving her kids elsewhere for the benefit of her union, and thus should take part of the blame for whats happening.

obakovich:

You are spot on. I advised her that ego comes in to play but she said NO.

merahki:
I know you
So I say, please read thru
I actually wanna know what you really feel after reading thru
Cheers

CeterisXVII:
Listen, they are joint bread winners

The man met the woman as a single mother, with 2 kids, a boy and a girl and promised to accept them. He was aware of her status. Did anyone hold a gun to his head, to marry her? No!
The boy was sent to live with a relative, initially after the wedding, as their residence at that time, was a small one-room apartment.
The man promised her son could move in with them after they got a bigger apartment. They later did so, and got 3 years the man refused to broach the topic of the boy moving back home.

Yes, stealing is bad, but this is a young boy who was maltreated and starved of food. People' react to hardship in different ways. But there is always a chance to reform a child, if he is taught the right things and shown how to unlearn the bad things.
The woman picks up all the bills of her own children. The man does not contribute to the upkeep of her own kids. He only contributes to the upkeep of the daughter they both had.

Her first husband went abroad for greener pastures in Italy, and never came back. She had to move on with her life, after 6 years.

The woman also said she picks up 70 percent of the household bills. So the man is NOT the sole breadwinner. Expenses are shared.

If the boy was your own child, would you abandon him on the streets because he stole to feed himself?

The mother merely wants to bring up her son and correct his behaviour. How is that a crime, especially when they share the joint expenses, in the home?

Why is the egocentric husband denying her the chance to do so, after he had promised to ensure the kids lived with them after marriage? Simply because a child stole out of hunger? Such pettiness.

Please go back and read the whole story, so you can understand it. The man used her to get what he wanted, and now he is no longer interested.

If the man doesn't want that child, then what should she do? Throw him into the streets, so that he can become a criminal, a cultist or a fraudster?

Put yourself in the shoes of the boy. He has a mother who cannot take care of him, because she has a self-centred narcissist husband, who changed his mind, in a way that affected a poor child's future, negatively.

What would happen later? The boy will grow up resenting the mother, or could develop hatred for her.

Would that be the right thing to do?

crackkhaus:
One foolproof way of detecting people with a mentality of brokenness and division:

Your husband doesn't want to bend to your will? Okay then.. To hell with him dammit!
You should do whatever the fvck you want to do, just go ahead... I mean, who the blazes does he think he is?
When you're done showing him you're the boss and he still refuses to roll over on his back to show you his underbelly as a sign of defeat, then he can bounce... Why should you care? Afterall, you pay the rent and you're capable of getting any another man (a third one) to marry you who will love & adore you enough to roll over and bare his underbelly for you to trample on whenever you want.


Who else remembers that atypical best-friend found in Nollywood movies who has always been jealous of her friend's happy marriage/family, but finally sees the opportunity to break it up with bad advise?

uruba23:

She kukuma doesn't respect her husband, instead of her to do what i told her and even find a perfect excuse she is doing strong head, no one ask her not to keep her son but there are always diplomatic ways of achieving results. Anyway i hope the man just pardon her manners for the sake of the young lad in her tummy and i do hope she comes to repentance because God doesn't listen to yeye prayers for he is too loving to take side.

Emaprince:
Mehn, but this woman's life is destroyed Like this sha...

As in..... Two marriages broken

Two husbands ran away from you

4 kids no father near.


Wow.... Seems she actually have a hot temper going by how she handled the issue...and with the way she heeded to the advice these bitter women on NL was giving her. These women will eat AMD swallow every bullshit from their own husbands to keep their marriage, but will come here to advice another to break hers.

Women are their own worst enemies.

crackkhaus:

Perhaps she assumed she had to choose between leaving the boy on the streets and defying her husband?

I can't imagine what/who gave her the idea that those were the only two available options...

Oh wait... Eureka!
I know exactly how she got that idea - they are all around us.

MrBrownJay1:
then thats the time she has to make a LIFE decision.... she can either divorce that man and be with her kid OR listen to her husband and figure a different way out. forcing that child upon this man (that doesnt want this child in his life) will only result in MORE trouble for that child. that child is not wanted by this man in his house PERIOD!

i guess in your world, changing your mind is against the law, abi? due to the evidence at hand, this man has decided to NOT have more kid in his home/life (possibly because he now realized how expensive it is).... forcing the issue wont change anything, is it?!

again, you dont seem to understand the issue here... this man does NOT want that child in his home any longer....thats his decision! instead of trying to FORCE this man to change his mind, you should instead look for other solutions.

irrelevant to the new husband, is it? pity wont work here...

so what you are saying is that life is already hard for this man (that wifey is paying for 70% of bills), and now she wants to make it even harder by bringing another kid to the household?!?

- if that was my child, i will never chose a wedding over him/her, to begin with
- if that was my child, i would have NEVER abandoned him/her because of wedding.
- if that was my child, where i go, he/she goes.

its a crime when you want to FORCE someone to accept something that they dont want in their lives (aka a child that aint his). AGAIN, there is nothing wrong with changing your mind.

because thats HIS decision... why are you so hell bent on FORCING this man to do what he is not willing to do? yes a thieving child is a problem child, no matter how you wanna look at this issue. a child that could easily influence his own biological child. also, he is already taking care of ONE child that aint his, maybe, just maybe, after having his own biological, he is no more interested in raising kids that aint his own. JUST MY 2 KOBOS ON THE ISSUE!

its called LIFE, and sadly sometimes thats what happens in LIFE!

there are many solutions here:
- find some other solutions
- find other siblings/family members to care for the child
- send him to boarding school
- OR BETTER YET, since this child is such a big deal to her, then divorce her husband so she can do what she desire with her child.


mama should be blamed for that, nobody else...she is the one who chose to abandon her kids for so many years, and suddenly now that this child is a PROBLEM CHILD, she wants to bring him to her own household. the important question here is: why does she really want the child over? is because they have a big house or because NOBODY want to deal with this problem child any longer?!

see how you SOLELY focus on mother and dont give a damn about this man.... as if mother is the most important person here. this man has a right to make his own decision, and HIS DECISION is to NOT have this problem child in his life, any longer. do you really think he gives a damn how this child will view his mother in the future? really?!

After doing so many WRONG things, whatever is done now will affect someone.... as i say, if this issue is such a big deal to mama, then let her divorce this man over that child issue, and BASTA!!!

CeterisXVII:
This your long epistle just shows you are bent in defending the indefensible.

Yes, you can change your mind, but if it is going to put someone else's life or entire future in jeorpady, especially if it is a minor....then you better have a very good alternative, to cushion any negative side effects that may arise as a result of your decision.

You are just looking for ways to blame the woman. She did try to get other siblings of hers' to take the boy in, but they couldn't. Her parents are dead, and she has just 2 siblings. But hey, you were not interested in reading that part, were you? That is why you are now arguing blindly

For the record, it is NOT his house. It is THEIR house. The rent is jointly paid by them. The man never suggested any options or alternatives, that could have resolved the issue.

As for the boarding school you mentioned, I already explained why schools CANNOT be changed, in the middle of a term. No school would even admit your kids to a new class. You would be told to come back at the beginning of a new session or a new term. If you can't comply, go and build your own school.

Finally, the woman has taken the best step for her and her children. Those advocating for the inhuman, narcissistic man can help him to hug a transformer....end of story.

You cannot abandon your own child, but you want her to abandon her own son? Clap for yourself!

For the record she never FORCED him to accept her decision. He had already claimed to have ACCEPTED her kids as his own, before the marriage. He was the one who reneged. Why do you find it so difficult to understand that simple fact?

She gave her husband enough time for 3 years, after moving into the new apartment to allow the boy to come and live with them. He ignored her pleas. What else should she have done? Continue waiting for another 3 years? Or 6 years? Or 16 years? Tell us.

Yes, she cannot FORCE him to accept her son, but in the same vein too, he cannot FORCE her as well, to jettison her son.

Oyindindi, where is your water tank? Please come and drop it here, for this oga.

MrBrownJay1:
the fact that this man doesnt want this child in his home is the only thing that we are certain of....all the rest is just speculation. didnt the man left this woman and took his daughter away? that should be a confirmation that this man DOES NOT WANT THAT CHILD NEAR HIS OWN DAUGHTER

he could simply say:
-because i dont want to take care of any other children (that aint mine)
- because i dont want a thieving child to join my household
... and that would be enough a reason.

again, the fact that this man doesnt want this child in his household is the only thing that we are certain of.... trying to force this child upon him is NOT a solution. far from it. you are not focusing on the right issue here (aka finding another solution) you are just hellbent on having this unwanted child over... and thats why this man took his biological child and left that woman!

if that was the case then she wouldnt need this man's approval before bringing her child over, would she?.
the man doesnt need to find an alternative, the baby mama does. these kids are not his responsibility, they are hers. he is already taking care of one of her kids, if she thinks that is an easy thing to do then let her divorce that man and take care of her kids BY HER DAMN SELF

then find someone who is willing to keep the child until then... for the right price (that you would have paid in school fees anyway), many family members would. but since she didnt want to, let see how long she can left on her own, now that this man left her.

tell that to the deluded woman who abandoned her child to marry such man... and now is crying naked at midnight,

yes i would never do that while this woman already did for countless years, a few more months (until next school year starts) wont hurt.

i guess he changed his mind after learning about that thieving/problem child... who wouldnt?

if after 3 years she doesnt understand that this man does NOT want that child in his house, then she needs a new brain... isnt it obvious by now that this child is UNWANTED by this man?

bringing a child where he is unwanted is a quick way to have this child get hurt... many die at the hands of step parents who abuse, mistreat and/or do worse to these unwanted kids. better she divorce that man and be happy single but with her child. there is NO OTHER WAY.

CeterisXVII:
Another long epistle from you, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
The woman has made her choice, thankfully. She has chosen her son. Anyone who doesn't like it, can enter the lagoon......

MrBrownJay1:


the fact that this man doesnt want this child in his home is the only thing that we are certain of....all the rest is just speculation. didnt the man left this woman and took his daughter away? that should be a confirmation that this man DOES NOT WANT THAT CHILD NEAR HIS OWN DAUGHTER



he could simply say:
-because i dont want to take care of any other children (that aint mine)
- because i dont want a thieving child to join my household
... and that would be enough a reason.



again, the fact that this man doesnt want this child in his household is the only thing that we are certain of.... trying to force this child upon him is NOT a solution. far from it. you are not focusing on the right issue here (aka finding another solution) you are just hellbent on having this unwanted child over... and thats why this man took his biological child and left that woman!



if that was the case then she wouldnt need this man's approval before bringing her child over, would she?.
the man doesnt need to find an alternative, the baby mama does. these kids are not his responsibility, they are hers. he is already taking care of one of her kids, if she thinks that is an easy thing to do then let her divorce that man and take care of her kids BY HER DAMN SELF



then find someone who is willing to keep the child until then... for the right price (that you would have paid in school fees anyway), many family members would. but since she didnt want to, let see how long she can left on her own, now that this man left her.



tell that to the deluded woman who abandoned her child to marry such man... and now is crying naked at midnight,



yes i would never do that while this woman already did for countless years, a few more months (until next school year starts) wont hurt.



i guess he changed his mind after learning about that thieving/problem child... who wouldnt?



if after 3 years she doesnt understand that this man does NOT want that child in his house, then she needs a new brain... isnt it obvious by now that this child is UNWANTED by this man?



bringing a child where he is unwanted is a quick way to have this child get hurt... many die at the hands of step parents who abuse, mistreat and/or do worse to these unwanted kids. better she divorce that man and be happy single but with her child. there is NO OTHER WAY.



[img]https://media./images/54360299889059b42406d3970f01c5e8/tenor.gif[/img]

MrBrownJay1:
bwaaaaaah! you were so hellbent on FORCING this man to accept that child, while what happened is exactly what i have been telling you all this time.... sadly, let me correct you, this lady didnt take a decision on this issue, the man did and LEFT HER AND TOOK HIS BIOLOGICAL DAUGHTER TOO.

yeyeosoronga:


Women want to have sex, so they are using the powers you claim they have to do so. Simple as ABC.
I can never see an anatomical piece of mucosal tissue/hymen as my pride or dignity.
NEVER.
There are more things I take my pride in, and that I find more dignifying. My hymen was never one.
It seems some of you think you love women more than they love themselves. Stop feeling that way, because you can never love me more than I love myself.
Perhaps for your own sake, you may continue to preach about keeping my virginity, but don't say it's for my pride and dignity. I'm not keeping it because you want me to, as it's got nothing to do with you in the first place.
If it affects you so much, then work on those taking away the virginity. Majority of women don't care, as most feel it doesn't define them.
[/b]Sex is enjoyable, whether premarital or in marriage[b]. Let women also enjoy sex, as men have been enjoying it too. If you want women to stop, kindly ask men to keep their peepees in their trouzees.