I need help from you all, especially matured married couples on this issue!

I notice a change in my wife's behaviour...then I checked her phone...she was chatting with a guy on FB, liking his posts, commenting under the same ,using emoticons that said something like, cute! As well as the ones showing heart shaped ones.

Then I checked her messenger chats on fb lite, they were deleted, so I check it on fb proper and walah! They had been chatting calling, then the guy had insinuated that they were dating!

I confronted her, she became angry and silent, refusing to speak, she immediately changed her fb password in my presence, (later found out she changed her email password as well. Shes now using a new email)

Left the house anger. Later came back to find her with a close friend of hers....
To make the long story short, her friend told me that my wife said she never met the guy before, just on fb and they were chatting...then her friend says that my wife told her that she was BORED and LONELY...(and that I'm BORING!)

What does this mean??

Coronavirus

Please respond. Also need help to push this topic to the front page! My marriage is in crisis and I need to make a decision please

You sound like you haven't been married for long.
I believe that it's just the vagaries of the married life.
You shouldn't have intruded into her privacy.
It has only created room for suspicion and counter suspicion.
Pls give her some room and you'll find out it's just 'a storm in a teacup'.
All the best.

She's on her way to cheating. At this point it might not be because you are boring really, she might have lost interest in you and used that to justify her actions. A woman who finds her hubby boring but still loves him will complain to him about it. A woman who finds her hubby boring and doesn't love him will seek the so-called fun outside. Have a heart to heart talk with her and tell her what I've just said. Her defense or nonchalant attitude towards it will prove it to you. You will have to man-up cos seeing you still love her and she's not interested will definitely come down hard on you.

As for those idiots who say don't check your partners phone hope you've seen a good reason to now.
All the best sir.

Day169:
You sound like you haven't been married for long.
I believe that it's just the vagaries of the married life.
You shouldn't have intruded into her privacy.
It has only created room for suspicion and counter suspicion.
Pls give her some room and you'll find out it's just 'a storm in a teacup'.
All the best.

He shouldn't have invaded her privacy? May I ask, what if she had started cheating? Would you still say the same?

Day169:
You sound like you haven't been married for long.
I believe that it's just the vagaries of the married life.
You shouldn't have intruded into her privacy.
It has only created room for suspicion and counter suspicion.
Pls give her some room and you'll find out it's just 'a storm in a teacup'.
All the best.

Oh that's what she said! Privacy that involves deleting chats on messenger!
At night she said she wanted to talk
Told her there's nothing to talk about because I told her I hacked her phone and I've seen everything! She fell to her knees and started begging...men the story's too long. I'm just tired

DominusPrime:

He shouldn't have invaded her privacy? May I ask, what if she had started cheating? Would you still say the same?

A woman who is intent on cheating, will eventually have her way.
Giving them 'close marking' all the way will not make her faithful either.
Perhaps we should seek the advice of women who have long been married.

ProudFather:



Oh that's what she said! Privacy that involves deleting chats on messenger!
At night she said she wanted to talk
Told her there's nothing to talk about because I told her I hacked her phone and I've seen everything! She fell to her knees and started begging...men the story's too long. I'm just tired

Perhaps both of you need to sit and talk.
The road of marriage is a long and winding one.
She may have been flirting, but an open conversation between you two will help put your marriage on the right track.
Wish you the best!

it means, she needs more excitement in her life that you CANT provide.... all this BS shows you the type of deceitful disrespectful dishonest untrustworthy demon (no sugarcoating sorry) you have by your side, because if she was a proper woman, she wouldnt go behind your back to chat up some dude online...it starts like this until they get the "balls" to actually meet these dudes.

a proper woman would have told you that she is bored and that you are unexciting, trying to find a common solution, instead of going out of her way to selfishly solve the problem on her own. thats the dangerous part here.... her not telling you anything and instead trying to find solution out there while leaving you to believe that everything is ok at home. sadly, she wasnt looking for a solution to this issue, she was looking for a WAY OUT!

here are a few things you better take from this incident:
- the fact that she changed her password etc, shows you that she is even more determined to keep chatting to these online strangers (even after being caught), and she certainly does not want to give you a chance to solve this issue.
- no matter how she wants to look at this issue, SHE is the one doing something wrong here, not you....but they are trying to flip the script making it seem like you are the reason for this madness (how can you solve a problem that SHE has, if you are not aware of it?!)
- you've probably already lost your wife...she has tasted the forbidden fruit and LIKES THE TASTE OF IT (just a matter of time before she meet these men)... she is not looking for a solution, and YOU are the problem in her mind (better figure out on your own what her next move will be)

Day169:
You sound like you haven't been married for long.
I believe that it's just the vagaries of the married life.
You shouldn't have intruded into her privacy.
It has only created room for suspicion and counter suspicion.
Pls give her some room and you'll find out it's just 'a storm in a teacup'.
All the best.

Eight years

Your wife is childish and inconsiderate. Atimes relationships/marriages could become boring, when this happens, both couples should put in efforts to make it work.

Meet a marriage counselor to tell you ways in which you can spice up your marriage. Improve your attitude to your wife, spend more time together, give her good compliments when she does things right, improve your looks, improve your romantic life, take her out on dates, watch TV together, etc. Your wife needs counselling as well.

She should also make promises to cut off from the FB guy.

Day169:

A woman who is intent on cheating, will eventually have her way.
Giving them 'close marking' all the way will not make her faithful either.
Perhaps we should seek the advice of women who have long been married.

A woman who is intent on cheating definitely will. That's known. Knowing fully well that such women can go as far as harming their husbands or doing some other terrible things you still deem it fit never to check her phone? The reason for checking is not to stop her from cheating cos that cant be stopped, it's to protect yourself from such men or women.

LilMissFavvy:
Your wife is childish and inconsiderate. Atimes relationships/marriages could become boring, when this happens, both couples should put in efforts to make it work.

Meet a marriage counselor to tell you ways in which you can spice up your marriage. Improve your attitude to your wife, spend more time together, give her good compliments when she does things right, improve your looks, improve your romantic life, take her out on dates, watch TV together, etc. Your wife needs counselling as well.

She should also make promises to cut off from the FB guy.

All these for a woman who changed her password? Does that show she's remorseful? He really shouldn't waste his time on all this.

ProudFather:



Oh that's what she said! Privacy that involves deleting chats on messenger!
At night she said she wanted to talk
Told her there's nothing to talk about because I told her I hacked her phone and I've seen everything! She fell to her knees and started begging...men the story's too long. I'm just tired

You should have listened to what she had to say even though it wont have been easy with what you already knew. Then you could have also got a recorder for evidence. Cos when a woman is caught in such and she's not ready to change she can do anything just to protect her name and deleting the chats is the first step. You still need to find a way to talk to her and ask her what she wants. There's still hope but things might just never be the same again.

Her getting angry at you is her defense tactic to avoid validating your feelings and taking responsibility for her actions. Don’t fall for it.
Even if you are boring, she did what she did and that’s her responsibility to own up to. Not yours.

Don’t be manipulated into being the bad guy when you actually aren’t. She should be the one trying to make amends to you. Not you running around trying to accept that you’re the cause of her actions.

Demand that she cease contact with him immediately.
Also don’t know the specifics of your relationship but she needs to do something big that will assure you that henceforth you can trust her not to chat with or contact him and to win back your trust. That’s if the relationship/marriage with you is important to her .

Can’t believe you let her treat you like a Nigerian husband treats his wife. Get mad at you for looking at their side chats and act like you’re the one who’s wrong for something they did

ProudFather:
I need help from you all, especially matured married couples on this issue!

I notice a change in my wife's behaviour...then I checked her phone...she was chatting with a guy on FB, liking his posts, commenting under the same ,using emoticons that said something like, cute! As well as the ones showing heart shaped ones.

Then I checked her messenger chats on fb lite, they were deleted, so I check it on fb proper and walah! They had been chatting calling, then the guy had insinuated that they were dating!

I confronted her, she became angry and silent, refusing to speak, she immediately changed her fb password in my presence, (later found out she changed her email password as well. Shes now using a new email)

Left the house anger. Later came back to find her with a close friend of hers....
To make the long story short, her friend told me that my wife said she never met the guy before, just on fb and they were chatting...then her friend says that my wife told her that she was BORED and LONELY...(and that I'm BORING!)

What does this mean??

Why is she bored? Is she jobless?

DominusPrime:

You should have listened to what she had to say even though it womt have been easy with what you already knew. Then you could have also got a recorder for evidence. Cos when a woman is caught in such and she's not ready to change she can do anything just to protect her name and deleting the chats is the first step. You still need to find a way to talk to her and ask her what she wants. There's still hope but things might just never be the same again.

This will be his undoing. Lighting fire to a barrel of gunpowder. If she herself could not communicate her displeasures first to him but saw cheating as a more desirable first option you think asking her this question will solve the issue?

The friend already said it, she finds him boring.

The more he tries to win her over, the more he looks more like a simp.

Well well well...after all done, this compulsory stay at home should give you guys time to engage each other off boredom. She was chatting another fellow due to boredom! Chai.

cococandy:
Her getting angry at you is her defense tactic to avoid validating your feelings and taking responsibility for her actions. Don’t fall for it.
Even if you are boring, she did what she did and that’s her responsibility to own up to. Not yours.

Don’t be manipulated into being the bad guy when you actually aren’t. She should be the one trying to make amends to you. Not you running around trying to accept that you’re the cause of her actions.

Demand that she cease contact with him immediately.
Also don’t know the specifics of your relationship but she needs to do something big that will assure you that henceforth you can trust her not to chat with or contact him and to win back your trust. That’s if the relationship/marriage with you is important to her .

Can’t believe you let her treat you like a Nigerian husband treats his wife. Get mad at you for looking at their side chats and act like you’re the one who’s wrong for something they did

Other signs also appeared: in the chats the guy was talkin to her anyhow and she was even begging him. Video calls, which she was saying,"I called you but you didn't call me back"...
The guy lives in the same town/city with us and I'm thinking she might have gone beyond just chats to a physical meeting

generationz:



This will be his undoing. Lighting fire to a barrel of gunpowder. If she herself could not communicate her displeasures first to him but saw cheating as a more desirable first option you think asking her this question will solve the issue?

The friend already said it, she finds him boring.

The more he tries to win her over, the more he looks more like a simp.

Yes this is another sound angle. I wrote that after he said she begged cos it wasnt written there initially.

ProudFather:


Other signs also appeared: in the chats the guy was talkin to her anyhow and she was even begging him. Video calls, which she was saying,"I called you but you didn't call me back"...
The guy lives in the same town/city with us and I'm thinking she might have gone beyond just chats to a physical meeting

You are now revealing more things which you didn't mention in the beginning. At this point it is wise to assume she has done the worst until proven otherwise. That's the only way you can protect yourself from her if she's pretending to be remorseful and also keep your mind from being soft. Also know that at this point if u ask her how long she's been talking to him she'll most likely lie about it not to talk of if she's had video sex with him or physical sex.

cococandy:
Her getting angry at you is her defense tactic to avoid validating your feelings and taking responsibility for her actions. Don’t fall for it.
Even if you are boring, she did what she did and that’s her responsibility to own up to. Not yours.

Don’t be manipulated into being the bad guy when you actually aren’t. She should be the one trying to make amends to you. Not you running around trying to accept that you’re the cause of her actions.

Demand that she cease contact with him immediately.
Also don’t know the specifics of your relationship but she needs to do something big that will assure you that henceforth you can trust her not to chat with or contact him and to win back your trust. That’s if the relationship/marriage with you is important to her .

Can’t believe you let her treat you like a Nigerian husband treats his wife. Get mad at you for looking at their side chats and act like you’re the one who’s wrong for something they did

Lol...its not only wives that use this defense tactics o. Even gfs use it...every lady who's been caught must have used it a point so much so that we the men start feeling like we did wrong...lol...some even go as far as telling u how much u distrust them...u ladies are something else...lmao...

I’d think that’s atypical.

Women are usually more like being soft, begging and trying to be a baby so the man’s soft spot will be touched and forgiveness achieved.

In my experience it’s the guys who act angry and blame the woman when they are caught . Like what they did is not the problem but you finding out was the problem.

DominusPrime:

Lol...its not only wives that use this defense tactics o. Even gfs use it...every lady who's been caught must have used it a point so much so that we the men start feeling like we did wrong...lol...some even go as far as telling u how much u distrust them...u ladies are something else...lmao...

cococandy:
Her getting angry at you is her defense tactic to avoid validating your feelings and taking responsibility for her actions. Don’t fall for it.
Even if you are boring, she did what she did and that’s her responsibility to own up to. Not yours.

Don’t be manipulated into being the bad guy when you actually aren’t. She should be the one trying to make amends to you. Not you running around trying to accept that you’re the cause of her actions.

Demand that she cease contact with him immediately.
Also don’t know the specifics of your relationship but she needs to do something big that will assure you that henceforth you can trust her not to chat with or contact him and to win back your trust. That’s if the relationship/marriage with you is important to her .

Can’t believe you let her treat you like a Nigerian husband treats his wife. Get mad at you for looking at their side chats and act like you’re the one who’s wrong for something they did

Do you think she has cheated physically?

She spent two days hiding her phone and deleting stuff ...she no longer uses that email( email she has been using for over ten years) what baffled me the most is when I told her what her friend told me about what she said, she DENIED telling her friend that she was lonely and bored and that I'm boring. Okay oh, what did you then tell your friend?? No straight answer

sisisioge:
Well well well...after all done, this compulsory stay at home should give you guys time to engage each other off boredom. She was chatting another fellow due to boredom! Chai.

No my dear sister. This happened last year...couldn't talk about it because I was devastated and didn't want to face it

cococandy:
I’d think that’s atypical.

Women are usually more like being soft, begging and trying to be a baby so the man’s soft spot will be touched and forgiveness achieved.

In my experience it’s the guys who act angry and blame the woman when they are caught . Like what they did is not the problem but you finding out was the problem.

I guess it cuts across both sexes then cos I've been on both ends of the table.

ProudFather:


Do you think she has cheated physically?

She spent two days hiding her phone and deleting stuff ...she no longer uses that email( email she has been using for over ten years) what baffled me the most is when I told her what her friend told me about what she said, she DENIED telling her friend that she was lonely and bored and that I'm boring. Okay oh, what did you then tell your friend?? No straight answer

I don’t know. You know your wife better than us internet people. If you’re convinced, then act on it.
I’m deliberately not answering based on assumptions because what if she didn’t?

but you should trust your instincts.
And if do believe she cheated, why are you letting yourself be the one seeking her face and love at this time when it should be the other way around?

ProudFather:


No my dear sister. This happened last year...couldn't talk about it because I was devastated and didn't want to face it

Last year? So what’s your relationship status now ?
Endeavor to not let things linger

cococandy:


I don’t know. You know your wife better than us internet people. If you’re convinced, then act on it.
I’m deliberately not answering based on assumptions because what if she didn’t?

but you should trust your instincts.
And if do believe she cheated, why are you letting yourself be the one seeking her face and love at this time when it should be the other way around?

Hmmm.

When I told her I had hacked her phone and I had proof(I lied of course because I bought the phone for her and made it look like I had something done on it) she was like 'Ha, I'm dead' and she begged. Then she said,' did I tell anybody? She didn't tell anybody....'then she suddenly asked'Did you actually hack my phone?"

cococandy:


Last year? So what’s your relationship status now ?
Endeavor to not let things linger

We have a young son. A sweet little boy. He's ONE BIG REASON I didn't take drastic measures.

Since that time it has been denial, denial, more confrontation, anger(from her) I had to seriously take for her before she deleted the guy from fb friendship (though she was on whatsapp) she accused me of cheating (which I racked for her because I wasn't), when I mentioned cheating, guilt would flash on her face

ProudFather:


Hmmm.

When I told her I had hacked her phone and I had proof(I lied of course because I bought the phone for her and made it look like I had something done on it) she was like 'Ha, I'm dead' and she begged. Then she said,' did I tell anybody? She didn't tell anybody....'then she suddenly asked'Did you actually hack my phone?"

So she basically admitted to you that she cheated is what you’re saying. why didn’t you address it then?

And what is your goal for now?
Are you looking for way to make her say “alright I cheated “?
I don’t have any tricks or methods for that.
That day y’all had this conversation was your opportunity to put your foot down and come out the winner (so to say).

I thought it was a recent thing hence my earlier response. Now that it’s been be that long, How do you intend to bring up the conversation though?

Consider counseling I guess. Since she claims to suspect you as well. That will also be a good opportunity to bring up past things and lay it all out in the open