CeterisXVII:


Oga, I wish you had read this story from the beginning. It was because of the man that she had to send her son to live with relatives, as the house they lived in back then, was too small, after they just got married.

They agreed that he would move back in with them after they got a bigger apartment. Well, they eventually did....and for 3 years, she tried to dialogue with there husband, to bring the kid back home. He ignored her.

Meanwhile, her child was being maltreated and starved where he was living with her relative. He even had to steal, in order to get food to eat.

So for how long should she have continued this dialogue with the man, while her son's life was falling apart? Should the pleading and dialogue have continued for another 3 years? It takes two to dialogue, o!

What would have happened to the boy?

CeterisXVII:


My dear, it is well. I feel your pain and I understand your sentiments, quite well.

May Almighty God support and strengthen you.

But please get a lawyer, to help you get custody of your daughter, after you give birth.

You are pregnant right now, and you do not need this additional emotional stress. Do not develop high blood pressure....God is in control. Keep praying for your daughter.

God will protect and prosper you and your children. They are beautiful kids.....

CeterisXVII:


Yes, she should take out her kids from the post, as they are still quite young, and should not be exposed to the public like this.

But I disgree with this idea, that a woman cannot raise her kids on her own. Not all families will have a father and a mother.

Widows have been raising their kids on their own for ages, after losing their husbands. As long as they are financially, morally and economically empowered, they can cope.

It is far better to have a family with a well-adjusted hard working single parent, who can provide a happy home, with a stable balance. Than to have a dysfunctional home with 2 miserable parents who cannot get along, and create a tense, unhappy, unhealthy home for their kids.

Finally, in life as well as in love.....not everything can be negotiated, or compromised. Sometimes, it is best to review your options, and cut your losses.

You can teach your kids about conflict resolution in a variety of ways.

But certainly NOT by teaching them to endure manipulation, inhumane treatment and emotional abuse, simply because you are striving to please a man who wants you to sacrifice the future of your son, to satisfy his own ego. God forbid bad thing!

She has been trying to get the man to agree to bring her son back home for 3 good years, after they got a bigger apartment. But he ignored her pleas.

So tell us, how much longer should she spend trying to "placate him," to use your own words..... while her son is being maltreated, starved of food, and about to be thrown out of his current residence where he stays with her relative? Another 3 years, 6 years or 10 years? Tell us, o!

Resurgent2016:
I read the thread and all ops post. Without dragging this issue further, let me ask you these questions:

1. If the man has accepted one of the children from the former relationship, is there a possibility that he will accept this one also if the concerns he raised are addressed?

2. Are the man's concern valid?

3. Did the lady make any effort to address them?

4. Do you honestly think that there are only two possible scenearios in this case and no compromise can be reached as some people here are suggesting?

5. I promised to love my wife's family as my own, if I refuse to take one of her relations under my roof (even if it her blood brother), will it make sense for my wife to blatantly disregard my opposition and bring him/ her in

6. Many of us lived with relationship in our homes, go and ask the women how they managed their husbands to make it work because most men will naturally oppose it.

From my view, the lady is tired of the relationship and just wants to pull the plug but needs a valid reason. She has derided her husband at any opportunity she has gotten and does not even consider the possibility of dialogue or compromise.

I rest my case and wish her the best

bukatyne:
You feel her pain from behind your device?

Hahahahahahaha.

Resurgent2016:


I read the thread and all ops post. Without dragging this issue further, let me ask you these questions:

1. If the man has accepted one of the children from the former relationship, is there a possibility that he will accept this one also if the concerns he raised are addressed?

2. Are the man's concern valid?

3. Did the lady make any effort to address them?

4. Do you honestly think that there are only two possible scenearios in this case and no compromise can be reached as some people here are suggesting?

5. I promised to love my wife's family as my own, if I refuse to take one of her relations under my roof (even if it her blood brother), will it make sense for my wife to blatantly disregard my opposition and bring him/ her in

6. Many of us lived with relationship in our homes, go and ask the women how they managed their husbands to make it work because most men will naturally oppose it.

From my view, the lady is tired of the relationship and just wants to pull the plug but needs a valid reason. She has derided her husband at any opportunity she has gotten and does not even consider the possibility of dialogue or compromise.

I rest my case and wish her the best

Pearl05:



That man never loved you, save your strength after your delivery and when you are on your feet report him to human rights they will help you get your baby back.

Stay calm and be safe.

CeterisXVII:

Yes, o....it is called empathy. Emotionally intelligent people possess this quality. Not everyone is a sociopath, that cannot feel pain.

bukatyne:
Congratulations, Emotionally Intelligent Human.

Except you are going to give her emotional support/assist in getting her daughter/financial support etc. OFFLINE and willing to do so on a continuous basis, you are just 'sympathizing' with her.

Empathy is an action word.

CeterisXVII:


How does that concern you, o ye unintelligent human? Has she said she cannot fend for her children or provide them with support? Hasn't she been picking up the bills of her kids, all these while before she got married and even while she was still married to the man?

Have you forgotten all that? Go back and read the story from beginning again, before you start to misyarn.....

Graxie:
Don't bother trying to get reasonable answer. The good news is that the woman can survive without the man and her kids are healthy. They can't believe such people exist. They are used to cry cry babies depending on irresponsible men. I am surprise they are not quoting bible. The motto is always blame the woman while she keeps enduring. They don't care about the woman emotions, what matters is that she should remain married. Single motherhood means disease and so kids raised by such are vagabonds. I have been wondering how some of them still claim to be Christians. They expected her to get rid of her son in the name of marriage. Forgetting that this man lied to her, promised her mother that he will accept those kids as his. All those things don't count as long as she abandons her son and become ever happy with the man. Now they are changing it to, she would have keep begging the man, negotiate, make amends. They have seen the pictures and pehalps their judgement about the boy being a thief is changing. What a people!!!

CeterisXVII:


How does that concern you, o ye unintelligent human? Has she said she cannot fend for her children, or provide them with support?

Hasn't she been picking up the bills of her kids all these while, before she got married and even while she was still married to the man? Didn't you read it, in her responses?

Have you forgotten all that? Go back and read the whole story from beginning again, before you start to misyarn.....

bukatyne:
O Intelligent one,

It is only money that is used to train a child?

I am only pointing out that you haven't shown empathy is this case.

Considering you think it is only money that is used to train a child, I am not surprised you advice the woman to dispose of her marriage so easily.

Graxie:
like I said, you can never get any reasonable response. The idea is always to ridicule the woman, their own bible abhore divorce while encouraging a woman to abandon her son. To them, a single mom is meant to die miserable in marriage because of her past. It's truly pathetic.

CeterisXVII:


If he could accept one kid, and AGREED earlier before their marriage to also accept the other, why did he renege knowing it would jeopardise the future of the boy, and also distress his wife?

1). Is he saying the child is irredeemable, and cannot change, even with proper training and supervision?

2). Did he propose any new alternatives that could resolve the problem, and also ensure the child was well catered for, and properly trained?

3). Did he make any attempt to resolve the situation, by at least meeting his wife halfway, in order to let peace reign?

4). By taking away her 2 year old toddler from his pregnant wife, does it show he is willing to resolve the matter?

5). And while he was refusing to agree to his wife's pleas, what would have happened to the boy? How would his refusal have helped to stop the boy from being maltreated, starved, or thrown out of her relative's place?

6). She tried to raise the issue of bringing her son back home to live with them, for 3 good years. Yet, you are asking "...If he had valid concerns. Did the lady make any effort to address them?" Really? You are still asking this question, after all what has been said, all through this very thread?

Finally, their expenses are jointly shared. So there is nothing like "my roof." It is "our roof," for this woman and her husband.

I asked you earlier, a very valid question which you ignored.

For how long exactly, should she continue placating the man, to allow her bring home her son, after broaching the subject with him for 3 years, since they moved into a new apartment? Should she spend an additional 3 years, 6 years or 10 years placating him?

CeterisXVII:

Don't mind the misguided lots. Can you see that the husband's supporters club, who keep advising her to hold on to the marriage and please the husband, HAVE NOT been able to offer any sensible suggestion or alternatives, that would solve the problem of the child and end his maltreatment??

Graxie:
I have been here for a long time, I know how they roll. You see why I hate a woman getting pregnant aside marriage and asking for what to do? I hate it with passion because I know what they will tell her. It's so annoying seeing most young girls doing same, again and again. Most of them didn't marry as a virgin but are very fast in codeming single mom, I keep telling women, any man that can't afford 50 naira or 100 naira condom shouldn't even near you. As per their ways, they are ready to manufacture all manner of stories to make the woman feel bad, now the story is that she didn't know her first husband family when she clearly stated that they treated her badly. I know how they reason, it's normal.

Resurgent2016:
No problem madam. From my little knowledge finance, this Lady will likely run into some financial difficulties soon.
- she only paid six month rent in advance
- she is pregnant and doesnt and will likely have to shut her business down as the due date approaches
- family members who will threaten to throw out her kid will likely not be of much help
- she has two mouths to feed and one in the pipeline

I'll advice you reach out to her and let her know you are available to help whenever the need arises. Put your money where your mouth is....

Resurgent2016:


No problem madam. From my little knowledge finance, this Lady will likely run into some financial difficulties soon.
- she only paid six month rent in advance
- she is pregnant and doesnt and will likely have to shut her business down as the due date approaches
- family members who will threaten to throw out her kid will likely not be of much help
- she has two mouths to feed and one in the pipeline

I'll advice you reach out to her and let her know you are available to help whenever the need arises. Put your money where your mouth is....

Ganjafama:
Madam I pray you find joy, peace and if you desire, love. I hail your courage. Don't blame yourself for anything that has gone wrong. You happened to love the wrong men.

bukatyne:
@bold:

I am forced to agree with you at this point.

Husband took the daughter, said he did not want the son coming to pollute the children. Instead of madam to plead that her son needs fatherly attention hence the misbehavior and even draft her husband in, she listened to people who told her to damn her marriage and bring the boy.

She did, and her husband took his daughter in. For the first time, he drew a line between the kids. She still wasn't worried. Some people told her to beg the man since she has succeeded in bringing her son home; she said LA.

Husbandman has taken his daughter (since each person's kids is now more important than the union) she is now praying midnight prayers.

If she handled it well, in some months or weeks, the man would even be the one bounding with the son over man activities and teaching him stuff.

All the people edging her on would not
1. Tolerate their husbands to bring in his child without their agreement.
2. Tolerate their wives doing same.

Some witnessed their aunties/uncles begging the spouse to let them stay.

But you know, let's be woke and say things good for the internet.

At the end, everyone would log off and mind their business.

The OP would now be on her own.

CeterisXVII:

Why are you being deliberately obtuse? You ignored that part of the post, where she described how they had moved into a bigger apartment for 3 years, and he still refused to let her bring the child home, despite her pleas.

And you long epistle up there, how has it improved the future of the child that is to be thrown out of her relative's house?

The wife should continue begging ye husband, while her own son is thrown out to live on the street?

Or what is your solution, other than to keep begging a man who has withheld his agreement for 3 good years, while her son was being maltreated and starved outside her home?

Respect is earned, not given. If the man had behaved respectfully towards his wife and her son, all these would not have arisen.

I am su
re your aunties and uncles did not beg their husbands or wives for 3 whole years, to let their neices or nephews come to stay with them. At most, it must have been for a few days, as men of old were not the cold hearted jerks that abound here, today.

Many of you people lack compassion and understanding, I swear.

rayvelez:
You the HUSBAND that married a single mom of 2 why did u moved in them and not ur own house.
You lost that respect the very first day you moved in with them.

CeterisXVII:

Why are you being deliberately obtuse? You ignored that part of the post, where she described how they had moved into a bigger apartment for 3 years, and he still refused to let her bring the child home, despite her pleas. Is he God? Even when we beg God, He listens.....

And your long epistle up there, how has it improved the future of the 12 year old child, that is to be thrown out of her relative's house?

The wife should continue begging her husband, while her own son is thrown out to live on the street?

Or what is your solution, other than to keep begging a man who has withheld his agreement for 3 good years, while her son was being maltreated and starved outside her home?

Respect is earned, not given. If the man had behaved respectfully towards his wife and her son, all these would not have arisen.

I am sure your aunties and uncles did not beg their husbands or wives for 3 whole years, to let their neices or nephews come to stay with them. At most, it must have been for a few days, as men of old were not the cold hearted jerks that abound here, today.

Many of you people lack compassion and understanding, I swear.

CeterisXVII:

Why are you being deliberately obtuse? You ignored that part of the post, where she described how they had moved into a bigger apartment for 3 years, and he still refused to let her bring the child home, despite her pleas.

And you long epistle up there, how has it improved the future of the child that is to be thrown out of her relative's house?

The wife should continue begging ye husband, while her own son is thrown out to live on the street?

Or what is your solution, other than to keep begging a man who has withheld his agreement for 3 good years, while her son was being maltreated and starved outside her home?

Respect is earned, not given. If the man had behaved respectfully towards his wife and her son, all these would not have arisen.

I am sure your aunties and uncles did not beg their husbands or wives for 3 whole years, to let their neices or nephews come to stay with them. At most, it must have been for a few days, as men of old were not the cold hearted jerks that abound here, today.

Many of you people lack compassion and understanding, I swear.

eniolorunfe:
See fine children

God bless you momma! You will reap the fruit of your labour and your children will bring you only Joy all the days of your life in Jesus name!!! (amen)


***A man that cannot be a covering to the woman he married has no business marrying her in the first place***

Ardar:
The woman in question just confirmed that her husband dumped the little girl with his sister

He obviously can't take care of a two year old, but wickedness won't let him see to reason.

You see this thing called ego? It can make a man behave like a fool.

Jman06:
Be strong madam, you'll be fine!
See the small boy they call "thief"

That man is a scammer!

bukatyne:
This is the OP's first post:

[b]I had 2 children. When I got married, my husband had none and accepted them like his own children.

Before marriage, we had discussed about the children living with us after marriage but that couldn’t be possible anymore because we were having financial problem so we couldn’t afford to move to a bigger apartment. We were staying in a room self contain with my daughter while my son was staying with my elder brother and his wife.

Now three years after we had moved to a bigger house still my husband doesn’t want my son to come and live with us. At the moment my son is going through hard times. My sister in law has been maltreating him to an extent that he has been stealing, he was caught and beaten like an animal. My brother said he doesn’t want him in his house again. He wants me to come and collect him.

I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no, he should stay there because he doesn't want him to damage our children. I’m angry at him I stopped talking to him and I don’t know where my son will go because I have no mother no father it’s only my elder brother and kid sister even my sister who is married doesn’t want him. I’m pained and in tears seeing my only son suffering while I’m still alive and I’m helpless to protect him. [/b]

1. The husband accepted her children as his and they both agreed that after their marriage, they would move in with the new couple.

2. For whatever reason, they could not accommodate both kids and took in the little girl while the boy was sent to her brother.

3. After three years, things are better for them and there is a space for the boy.

4. At the same time, the OP's son started stealing and her brother accommodating him told her to pick him up.

5. She pleaded with her husband and he said no because he doesn't want the boy to damage the children.

6. The OP became angry and came to NL.

So at what point did she state that she begged her husband for three years? The OP told us same husband was warm towards her kids and was reluctant to take the boy in because of his stealing habit. At the point of the story, the husband still said 'he doesn't want the boy to damage the kids' meaning he had accepted the younger girl fully as his own daughter and looked out for her.

I have deliberately ignored all the insults to yourself because of the sensitivity of this story.

I also came back to lay open the OP's post so that people can see the husband is not a monster and she has not been begging him for 3 years like you and others have been parading.

"Now three years after we had moved to a bigger house still my husband doesn’t want my son to come and live with us. At the moment my son is going through hard times. My sister in law has been maltreating him to an extent that he has been stealing, he was caught and beaten like an animal. My brother said he doesn’t want him in his house again. He wants me to come and collect him...."

Jman06:
Be strong madam, you'll be fine!
See the small boy they call "thief"

That man is a scammer!

bukatyne:


@bold:

I am forced to agree with you at this point.

Husband took the daughter, said he did not want the son coming to pollute the children. Instead of madam to plead that her son needs fatherly attention hence the misbehavior and even draft her husband in, she listened to people who told her to damn her marriage and bring the boy.

She did, and her husband took his daughter in. For the first time, he drew a line between the kids. She still wasn't worried. Some people told her to beg the man since she has succeeded in bringing her son home; she said LA.

Husbandman has taken his daughter (since each person's kids is now more important than the union) she is now praying midnight prayers.

If she handled it well, in some months or weeks, the man would even be the one bounding with the son over man activities and teaching him stuff.

All the people edging her on would not
1. Tolerate their husbands to bring in his child without their agreement.
2. Tolerate their wives doing same.

Some witnessed their aunties/uncles begging the spouse to let them stay.

But you know, let's be woke and say things good for the internet.

At the end, everyone would log off and mind their business.

The OP would now be on her own.

Ganjafama:
Madam I pray you find joy, peace and if you desire, love. I hail your courage. Don't blame yourself for anything that has gone wrong. You happened to love the wrong men.