Those saying the OP is selfish are just entitled little sissies.

It’s like the OP husband wakes up one morning and tell his brother to give him 20% of the money in his account or ask him to build a bigger house for him because his family has outgrown the BQ and when his brother says no we start calling him selfish.

OP your SIL will soon tell her husband to offer your husband money to adopt your baby. It is a good thing you stopped this early before it escalates to that.

If your SIL’s intention are pure she will soon get over it after grieving. She definitely will understand the bond of a mother to her infant. Doesn’t matter if you have 100 kids, no woman should be separated from her baby unless she chooses to.

They may attempt to buy the baby from you and if you refuse they may likely eject your family from the compound, making you financially distressed so you agree to give the baby up for adoption.

The only reason there’s a fixation on the baby and not the other grown up kids is because she wants to have the baby to herself.

tell Your brother in law to get another woman pregnant and give that baby to his wife

James289:
tell Your brother in law to get another woman pregnant and give that baby to his wife

Hmm?

This is ridiculously ridiculous!
Infact, the ridiculousness is on another dimension !

Even if they wanted a surrogate, shouldn't it be between OP's brother in-law and his wife?
What is OP's business with that?
You want to get her into more trouble?

Sexyliciousbri:
Your speech are full of pride so be careful so that you don't destroy your future

I think not. You're offpoint.

Madam, whether 5 or 5000 kids, your baby is your baby. You reserve the right to choose who gets to hold your baby. Take the advice of the person who told you to go and look for a job. Something that will take you and your baby out everyday.

sisisioge:
Whew! You are so insensitive!

Firstly, you and your husband decided to be breeding children like rats since the cost of rent has been taken off your expenses right under the roof of the ones that housed you. Poor woman would die inside each time you pop out another baby like a rabbit while she keeps waiting unto the Lord...how insensitive of you.

Now she has lost her baby and using yours to console herself but nah...mama fruitful couldn't bear to share...whew!

If na me be her o...I will kuku tell my husband say seeing all these kids in the house is breaking my heart...you guys should give us space for a while...won't you guys just wonder if I'm wrong .
Iranu!

Bullshit.

LadySarah:
My advice for you is to go for family planning.
The poor one has five kids. The rich none.

Nne borrow yourself sense and stop bearing children you can't fend for.

Thank you

Unsolicited advice. That's not the issue at hand.

Chi59:
I think not. You're offpoint.

I'm me, he's not me.

sisisioge:


Whew! That's my true opinion aunty...the sight of her multiplication must have tortured the other woman greatly...yet she ofcouse knows what you stated above and remained of good countenance and continued to accommodate and play with her children. Then she lost a baby in December and madam here is already banning her from carrying her baby...biko make them swerve jare.

By the way, I've seen this play before and can greatly imagine the agony the other woman is going through.

Still horseshit. This world is not fair, deal with it. There are many solutions to infertility. Stop typing nonsense.

sisisioge:


Another solution...nah, she declared that she's not sharing. While it is most understandable that OP's fertility or fertility struggle of her SIL isn't OP's fault, being a bit sensitive would have helped. Instead of outrightly banning her from picking her child, she could just have suggested this your advise up there. Anyways, I continue to find her action insensitive... My opinion remains the same.

By the way, I wasn't asking her to terminate her pregnancies or donate her baby to the SIL...I was just advocating sharing to ease this woman's pain now. Jeez...may God bless everyone looking to be fruitful with their own babies.

I wish the SIL good fortune with her next pregnancy and hope the OP will change her ways.

When you give birth to your own, you can share. Do you even know what you're saying? Are babies food or toys that people share? Just hear yourself..

Offpoint:

I'm me, he's not me.

Lol.

Good morning everybody I haven’t been able to come online for a long time cos a lot it’s happening right now, my husband people are forcing me to give my baby to my co wife cos they have said we have many children and we should help and give them one , my husband agreed but I have refused to give my baby away to her I told them my sister in law also has 7 children and why can’t she give them one of her children and why just me , everybody in the family are against me and they are not talking to me. She is now treating me badly reminding me that it’s her house and I should leave . I keep calm and watching everything like a fool but I am not a fool , I decided After this quarantine I will pack my things and kids and leave for my sister place until I get my own place and hubby can join us if he likes

Chiomamoses:
Good morning everybody I haven’t been able to come online for a long time cos a lot it’s happening right now, my husband people are forcing me to give my baby to my co wife cos they have said we have many children and we should help and give them one , my husband agreed but I have refused to give my baby away to her I told them my sister in law also has 7 children and why can’t she give them one of her children and why just me , everybody in the family are against me and they are not talking to me. She is now treating me badly reminding me that it’s her house and I should leave . I keep calm and watching everything like a fool but I am not a fool , I decided After this quarantine I will pack my things and kids and leave for my sister place until I get my own place and hubby can join us if he likes

May God help you o.
You really need a job, and quickly too.
Just try and stay calm.
Why is your husband advocating that you give out your child? Can he not fend for all of your children ni?
If your family can help you to find your feet, please move out of their house. Ask your husband to rent a small flat for you people, even If it's a 2 bedroom till you can upgrade.
It's because they see you everyday, hence the suggestion in the first place.
You and your husband have to be on the same page though, so have a deep discussion with your husband.
If he cannot fend for your children, you need to chip in and contribute your own quota, meaning you have to work too. If you guys cannot really fend for your children, then perhaps it's time to truly reflect.
If its just to help his brother, can he suggest surrogacy to them?
If you can help them be a surrogate, that's fine but if you cannot that's also fine. They will have to pay someone to do it then.
They can do IVF, and their surrogate will carry their baby for them.

Chiomamoses:
Good morning everybody I haven’t been able to come online for a long time cos a lot it’s happening right now, my husband people are forcing me to give my baby to my co wife cos they have said we have many children and we should help and give them one , my husband agreed but I have refused to give my baby away to her I told them my sister in law also has 7 children and why can’t she give them one of her children and why just me , everybody in the family are against me and they are not talking to me. She is now treating me badly reminding me that it’s her house and I should leave . I keep calm and watching everything like a fool but I am not a fool , I decided After this quarantine I will pack my things and kids and leave for my sister place until I get my own place and hubby can join us if he likes

Leave as fast as you can and start a small business. Don't give out any of your kids for any reason.

Chiomamoses:
Good morning everybody I haven’t been able to come online for a long time cos a lot it’s happening right now, my husband people are forcing me to give my baby to my co wife cos they have said we have many children and we should help and give them one , my husband agreed but I have refused to give my baby away to her I told them my sister in law also has 7 children and why can’t she give them one of her children and why just me , everybody in the family are against me and they are not talking to me. She is now treating me badly reminding me that it’s her house and I should leave . I keep calm and watching everything like a fool but I am not a fool , I decided After this quarantine I will pack my things and kids and leave for my sister place until I get my own place and hubby can join us if he likes

Wawi! So it came to that! The last time you brought this story here, I advised that you allow her assess to you baby by sharing with her. I didn't even say gift her the baby as a whole but share like anyone sensitive to the other woman's plight would be. But no o, your other motherly sisters were attacking me saying I was asking you to gift your child to another. See now. No issues would have arose if you were just nice enough to allow her continue to be your baby's nanny until she gets tired of the stress of the unpaid service, given that you still have a multitude to care for. It was a very simple solution where everyone wins.

Anyways, it is time to woman up towards your responsibilities. You can't be living in free accommodation plus free whatever join while spiting your benefactor. And you can't of course be forced to completely give up your child...Infact, she shouldn't actually want anything to do with you and your children again. The insult and spite from you was just too much!

May God bless everybody with what their heart desires...who knows, they here can gather money for you to get you started, but it won't measure to what that woman you were spiteful towards has given you and your family so far.

Let me add that if you eventually get a job, you may be required to leave your baby with a nanny or whoever while you're out like most working class women do. That's like some 8 hours of someone else "sharing" your baby with you o. Anyways, let's hope for the best. You should do a business that allows you be with the child 24/7.

I'm sorry, I get so unglued when women are especially nasty to one another when it comes to child bearing. Good luck.

My friend keep quiet, if that’s all you have to say. Any small thing Na leave your husband house be the only advice, what a retarded soul

Lamanii22:
The best thing you can do is leave the house... If your husband refuses, you just leave with the children and go to your family house.. Or your mom's place...

bogdaddy:
My friend keep quiet, if that’s all you have to say. Any small thing Na leave your husband house be the only advice, what a retarded soul

It seems you don't comprehend the OP's story... Read it again but this time slowly in a quiet environment... Thank you...

eazzzy1:
They may attempt to buy the baby from you and if you refuse they may likely eject your family from the compound, making you financially distressed so you agree to give the baby up for adoption.

The only reason there’s a fixation on the baby and not the other grown up kids is because she wants to have the baby to herself.

Your words are coming to pass. See her new update
That has always been the agenda
If not that she stopped allowing them to keep her baby for long hours, they would have taken the baby from her a long time ago.
Infact, if they can have their way they will ask her husband to chase her out without the children, so they can have sole access to her baby
Infact, this one na stylish baby factory 101 moves

sisisioge:


Wawi! So it came to that! The last time you brought this story here, I advised that you allow her assess to you baby by sharing with her. I didn't even say gift her the baby as a whole but share like anyone sensitive to the other woman's plight would be. But no o, your other motherly sisters were attacking me saying I was asking you to gift your child to another. See now. No issues would have arose if you were just nice enough to allow her continue to be your baby's nanny until she gets tired of the stress of the unpaid service, given that you still have a multitude to care for. It was a very simple solution where everyone wins.

Anyways, it is time to woman up towards your responsibilities. You can't be living in free accommodation plus free whatever join while spiting your benefactor. And you can't of course be forced to completely give up your child...Infact, she shouldn't actually want anything to do with you and your children again. The insult and spite from you was just too much!

May God bless everybody with what their heart desires...who knows, they here can gather money for you to get you started, but it won't measure to what that woman you were spiteful towards has given you and your family so far.

Let me add that if you eventually get a job, you may be required to leave your baby with a nanny or whoever while you're out like most working class women do. That's like some 8 hours of someone else "sharing" your baby with you o. Anyways, let's hope for the best. You should do a business that allows you be with the child 24/7.

I'm sorry, I get so unglued when women are especially nasty to one another when it comes to child bearing. Good luck.

I am just noticing or is there really an influx of the way marriages end here?

Chiomamoses:
Good morning everybody I haven’t been able to come online for a long time cos a lot it’s happening right now, my husband people are forcing me to give my baby to my co wife cos they have said we have many children and we should help and give them one , my husband agreed but I have refused to give my baby away to her I told them my sister in law also has 7 children and why can’t she give them one of her children and why just me , everybody in the family are against me and they are not talking to me. She is now treating me badly reminding me that it’s her house and I should leave . I keep calm and watching everything like a fool but I am not a fool , I decided After this quarantine I will pack my things and kids and leave for my sister place until I get my own place and hubby can join us if he likes

ife na eme oh, how can they force you to do that? I hope your husband is in support of you and not meremere Na Iru, kwanpete nazu husband. I also hope you are financially stable or you have financial back up. Ego na achi Uwa. I wish you well!!!

Ibadiaran19:


May God help you o.
You really need a job, and quickly too.
Just try and stay calm.
Why is your husband advocating that you give out your child? Can he not fend for all of your children ni?
If your family can help you to find your feet, please move out of their house. Ask your husband to rent a small flat for you people, even If it's a 2 bedroom till you can upgrade.
It's because they see you everyday, hence the suggestion in the first place.
You and your husband have to be on the same page though, so have a deep discussion with your husband.
If he cannot fend for your children, you need to chip in and contribute your own quota, meaning you have to work too. If you guys cannot really fend for your children, then perhaps it's time to truly reflect.
If its just to help his brother, can he suggest surrogacy to them?
If you can help them be a surrogate, that's fine but if you cannot that's also fine. They will have to pay someone to do it then.
They can do IVF, and their surrogate will carry their baby for them.

You said two bedroom until they can upgrade, Hmmmmmmmmm. Please let her start from one room.

bukatyne2:


I am just noticing or is there really an influx of the way marriages end here?

This is a different story, she's still very much with her husband. Her problems is with her husband's relatives which may eventually affect her marriage too. A very simple case made complex, hers is.

May God help us all.

sisisioge:


Wawi! So it came to that! The last time you brought this story here, I advised that you allow her assess to you baby bysharing with her. [I didn't even say gift her the baby as a whole but share like anyone sensitive to the other woman's plight would be. But no o, your other motherly sisters were attacking me saying I was asking you to gift your child to another. See now. No issues would have arose if you were just nice enough to allow her continue to be your baby's nanny until she gets tired of the stress of the unpaid service, given that you still have a multitude to care for. It was a very simple solution where everyone wins.

Anyways, it is time to woman up towards your responsibilities. You can't be living in free accommodation plus free whatever join while spiting your benefactor. And you can't of course be forced to completely give up your child...Infact, she shouldn't actually want anything to do with you and your children again. The insult and spite from you was just too much

May God bless everybody with what their heart desires...who knows, they here can gather money for you to get you started, but it won't measure to what that woman you were spiteful towards has given you and your family so far.

Let me add that if you eventually get a job, you may be required to leave your baby with a nanny or whoever while you're out like most working class women do. That's like some 8 hours of someone else "sharing" your baby with you o. Anyways, let's hope for the best. You should do a business that allows you be with the child 24/7.

I'm sorry, I get so unglued when women are especially nasty to one another when it comes to child bearing. Good luck.

Calm down, there was no spite or insult from the OP's end.

The end goal was always to get the OP to give the woman her baby, now they have come out directly initially it was subtle. She would never have gotten tired of nanny service for that child because in her mind she would use the baby to replace hers which she lost.

Are you now saying because they accommodated them they should have used their baby as a compensation so that their benefactor wont feel spited?

A nanny or creche service is not 'sharing' your baby please and that statement share a baby sounds somehow abeg.

Theres nothing nasty about what she did every true mother would do same even if she has 10 children.

Op's co-wife's situation is not where any woman wants to be but its not the OP's fault.

She has done nothing wrong.

Things are happening in Nigeria sha, first time I am hearing that a mother is being forced to give her baby to someone.

sisisioge:


This is a different story, she's still very much with her husband. Her problems is with her husband's relatives which may eventually affect her marriage too. A very simple case made complex, hers is.

May God help us all.

I know however she said the husband also support his family?

I am seeing some advises that she should leave the family home and walk with her kids and wait for her husband to join her thingy thingy.

I have since realized that people need to know their leverage and not apply general advises to their specific circumstance.

If this OP lived with her husband and five kids in their own house, I have advised her to just turn to the other side and sleep well if her BIL's wife made the initial request.

May God really help us. Amen.

NoToPile:


Calm down, there was no spite or insult from the OP's end.

The end goal was always to get the OP to give the woman her baby, now they have come out directly initially it was subtle. She would never have gotten tired of nanny service for that child because in her mind she would use the baby to replace hers which she lost.

Are you now saying because they accommodated them they should have used their baby as a compensation so that their benefactor wont feel spited?

A nanny or creche service is not 'sharing' your baby please and that statement share a baby sounds somehow abeg.

Theres nothing nasty about what she did every true mother would do same even if she has 10 children.

Op's co-wife's situation is not where any woman wants to be but its not the OP's fault.

She has done nothing wrong.

Things are happening in Nigeria sha, first time I am hearing that a mother is being forced to give her baby to someone.

This was how you guys guessed the intentions of the other woman and encouraged her to make an issue out of nothing! Well, here we are. Which sane person will ask a complete transfer of a child between two women living in the same compound? Do you even think the other woman would want to take her fellow wife's child as her own knowing fully well that they live in the same compound and the whole world, plus the siblings of the child will tell the baby who her true mama is? How long do you think it takes babies to really know their mothers and refuse to be picked up by someone other than their mothers? For all we know, that woman was just spending time with the baby while she completely heals.

By the way, your fixation with the word "sharing" is starting to sound like a broken record.

Well, I guess you guys will assist with sound advice again. Cheers.

sisisioge:


This was how you guys guessed the intentions of the other woman and encouraged her to make an issue out of nothing! Well, here we are. Which sane person will ask a complete transfer of a child between two women living in the same compound? Do you even think the other woman would want to take her fellow wife's child as her own knowing fully well that they live in the same compound and the whole world, plus the siblings of the child will tell the baby who her true mama is? How long do you think it takes babies to really know their mothers and refuse to be picked up by someone other than their mothers? For all we know, that woman was just spending time with the baby while she completely heals.

Well, I guess you guys will assist with sound advice again. Cheers.

The issue has taken a new dimension hasn't it. They just did the bolded. The true intentions are now open, They just asked (tried to force) her to give her baby to the woman and the woman is now being hard on the OP. Should she go ahead?


And calm down with the 'you guys' stuff, I dont think I posted on this thread initially just read through, the update got to me.

And what is wrong with that? Especially since they are sharing different flats.. Is it now a crime for families to live together??

Femsyn:
Why are you staying in your husband's brother's house with 5 children?

NoToPile:



The issue has taken a new dimension hasn't it. They just did the bolded. The true intentions are now open, They just asked (tried to force) her to give her baby to the woman and the woman is now being hard on the OP. Should she go ahead?


And calm down with the 'you guys' stuff, I dont think I posted on this thread initially just read through, the update got to me.

Omoge, I'm not fight with you o. Infact let me drop kisses here before moving on

See, her case was that her sister in-law lost a child while she recently had her 5th child. She then observed that the sister in-law spends too much time with the child alone while she's left to be wondering what goes on when her baby isn't with her. She didn't bother to have that woman to woman convo with her SIL about wanting to spend time with her own child too hence need to decrease the amount of time SIL takes. Rather, she completely blocked SIL in the rudest way possible. Issue got escalated and she maintained that SIL shouldn't near her baby.

In my opinion o, allowing SIL access to spend time with the baby wouldn't have brought extended families into the matter to the extent of suggesting that she completely transfer her baby to SIL!

But since they have said it now, the next thing would be to leave SIL house for her with their babies in toll. Now the cruise is back to...can they afford that? Moving to a new place will take money, time and a whole lot of resources that they can't even begin to fathom now. Something as simple as being at peace when her children leave to go and play in the compound that she takes for granted becomes something to worry about in a new place. Something as trivial as SIL minding the kids while she rush to the market becomes a task. I'm sure she would get to appreciate things better in her new abode. Good luck to her. Let me leave the thread for good.

sisisioge:


Omoge, I'm not fight with you o. Infact let me drop kisses here before moving on

See, her case was that her sister in-law lost a child while she recently had her 5th child. She then observed that the sister in-law spends too much time with the child alone while she's left to be wondering what goes on when her baby isn't with her. She didn't bother to have that woman to woman convo with her SIL about wanting to spend time with her own child too hence need to decrease the amount of time SIL takes. Rather, she completely blocked SIL in the rudest way possible. Issue got escalated and she maintained that SIL shouldn't near her baby.

In my opinion o, allowing SIL access to spend time with the baby wouldn't have brought extended families into the matter to the extent of suggesting that she completely transfer her baby to SIL!

But since they have said it now, the next thing would be to leave SIL house for her with their babies in toll. Now the cruise is back to...can they afford that? Moving to a new place will take money, time and a whole lot of resources that they can't even begin to fathom now. Something as simple as being at peace when her children leave to go and play in the compound that she takes for granted becomes something to worry about in a new place. Something as trivial as SIL minding the kids while she rush to the market becomes a task. I'm sure she would get to appreciate things better in her new abode. Good luck to her. Let me leave the thread for good.

Oya chop kiss back too you dont really fight online like that naaw.

*Drags her back to the thread*

Initially Op allowed the co-wife to play with baby during the day and would go pick her up to breastfeed but CO-wife made a request to spend the night with the baby which OP declined and we cant fault her for that which is the genesis of the whole story, I would have thought the issue would end there and with time Co-wife would heal after the few days of not responding to OP's greeting and hopefully soonest she would have her own kids,

What I wasn't expecting was the family trying to force her to give her baby to the co wife, the husband being in agreement with it and the co-wife now treating her badly because of it and the issue was always with the baby the OP stated she still allowed her other kids to go there. Sounds like a sort of conspiracy or gang up and nobody would be comfortable with such people.


She's in a tight situation but still she cant give her child to her co-wife

It is well.

NoToPile:


Oya chop kiss back too you dont really fight online like that naaw.

*Drags her back to the thread*

Initially Op allowed the co-wife to play with baby during the day and would go pick her up to breastfeed but CO-wife made a request to spend the night with the baby which OP declined and we cant fault her for that which is the genesis of the whole story, I would have thought the issue would end there and with time Co-wife would heal after the few days of not responding to OP's greeting and hopefully soonest she would have her own kids,

What I wasn't expecting was the family trying to force her to give her baby to the co wife, the husband being in agreement with it and the co-wife now treating her badly because of it and the issue was always with the baby the OP stated she still allowed her other kids to go there. Sounds like a sort of conspiracy or gang up and nobody would be comfortable with such people.


She's in a tight situation but still she cant give her child to her co-wife

It is well.

Ok, I didn't see where the SIL requested for sleep over. That's definitely asking for too much considering the child is still a baby.

And yes, the current request is definitely inappropriate too and she needs to leave asap. My cruise was just about handling things differently before being escalated. I am sure it will end well for everyone concerned.

At OP.
I just finished reading the whole 5 pages. I have a 9month old baby and I can understand from op's point of view leaving her child out of her sight for so long. It feels like I've left my baby for eternity when I step out for just an hr.
For the issue at hand. I dont get how her inlaws can suggest OP gives her child to her SIL. Dont they know what bonding is? The bond between the mother and child. OP carried this baby for 9months and then cared for her for 7months. Haba. I'm beginning to think that the sister inlaw must have staged her pregnancy and loss just to plan about taking op's 5th child after she saw OP pregnant with her 5th.

Follow this
Sit your sister inlaw down. Explain to her you understand her predicament and that you are willing to give ur child to her but they should allow ur child to reach one yr. Reason that you have bonded with baby during pregnancy and birth, therefore it will not be that easy for u to just handover ur baby like that. While they are waiting for ur baby to be 1yr old. You and ur hubby should use that 5months to look for a place of your own.

Before you pack out, sit ur SIL down again. Explain to her that your baby is passing separation anxiety and that u cannot afford to give ur baby up. That her cries touches you and because of that you are willing to pack out if she can't bear to see ur child not with her. Babies begin to feel separation anxiety from 8months. They cry when their care giver is not around.
This reason will give u time to plan and also to avoid trouble with your in laws at hand. Atleast everyone will give u a breathing space for now. Time takes care of situations.