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Can A Woman Return Her Bride Price, And Should The Man Accept? - Family (5) - Nairaland

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Re: Can A Woman Return Her Bride Price, And Should The Man Accept? by Stacyomolola(f): 4:01pm On Apr 14, 2020
@humble2 I really want to know the unpardonable crime the man (you) committed
Re: Can A Woman Return Her Bride Price, And Should The Man Accept? by Mayng01(m): 4:03pm On Apr 14, 2020
Go get a lawyer to assist down the line.
Re: Can A Woman Return Her Bride Price, And Should The Man Accept? by hensben(m): 4:03pm On Apr 14, 2020
Emes101:
It depends on the type of marriage

Customary Marriage requires a divorce order from a customary court.

Statutory marriage requires an order from the court(high court) to dissolve the marriage.

To enable each of the parties seek their reliefs..
Let it be on record
How about paying of bride price but no court marriage? Can one just abandon the bride price and move on since no court marriage was involved.
Re: Can A Woman Return Her Bride Price, And Should The Man Accept? by hensben(m): 4:04pm On Apr 14, 2020
JONNYSPUTE:
Yes there's nothing wrong for a woman to return back the dowery paid on her. But first,since she and her family members are no longer interested in the said marriage,they should go and dissolve it customarily.
.. Inrespect of the kid,both have a 100% right over the child. The agreement must be made in such a way that the man will have a visitation right.
...The man will also have a right to have his kid come for holidays and vacations.
But all these should be done by a court of competent jurisdiction.
Can she just return it by herself knowing that on that said day the man paid it to her elders.
Re: Can A Woman Return Her Bride Price, And Should The Man Accept? by humble2: 4:06pm On Apr 14, 2020
Stacyomolola:
@humble2 I really want to know the unpardonable crime the man (you) committed


Am not the person in question....the person needs my advice...and I need u guys advice too....

Well to the best of my knowledge..it's not a case of infidelity, neither is it a case of woman beater....for the case of discretion I won't really talk much on what I think should be the issue...but it's neither of the two I mentioned...thank u
Re: Can A Woman Return Her Bride Price, And Should The Man Accept? by od501: 4:06pm On Apr 14, 2020
uruba23:
Go to court and seek redress why should she be the one drafting the agreements.

Which kin court?! This is where we all get it wrong. What happened to the traditional institution? That's the fairest place this kind of issue can be settled.
Re: Can A Woman Return Her Bride Price, And Should The Man Accept? by josite: 4:06pm On Apr 14, 2020
dont confuse yourself,go see a lawyer and pay him and get an advice u cant rely on.it is the law by which a marriage is done that will also provides for the dissolution of the marriage,
Re: Can A Woman Return Her Bride Price, And Should The Man Accept? by kinzd(m): 4:07pm On Apr 14, 2020
All men(human) are higher animal biblically women (eve) led us to this mess sit yourself down ask why ur dad left ur mom!
icebird25:
All men was born equal and free ..if you decided to go and marry o..you are on your own...I won't make that mistake in this life..

Baby mama all the way ..no string attached, you free to leave your life the way you want.

To be sincere some men are animals, I know why I'm saying so ..
To my mom the woman that gave birth to me.i wish you all the best in life, may you find the man who will love you the way you are, may you never come across someone as heartless as my dad.
Even though I'm the one being affected now but I just have to bear the pain cos I'm a man
Re: Can A Woman Return Her Bride Price, And Should The Man Accept? by Punchline33: 4:07pm On Apr 14, 2020
The bride price is usually returned to the elders of the husband's family. The child belongs to the man by law. He can lay claim to him/her as from 6 years. But what is the big deal about the man keeping the child? Let her keep the child and do the wahala while u reinvent yourself as a man. Go out and register in a fitness club, pick up new hobby and live ur life like you are a teenager. Get a girlfriend or remarry if you dont like girlfrriend package, make sure the new woman is younger, if possible more educated or richer than your ex-wife, if she doesn't possess other qualities i recommend two she must possess; she must be younger and must be fresh (no baby). Once she sees you are with a younger woman who has never given birth before u would have broken her finally. The new woman will be loyal to you at least before she gives birth. You should send money to your child always, buy the child gifts and request to hang out so you neutralize any bad image of you she painted to the child, with time the child will request to come see you and possibly live with you. The child cannot marry without you so calm down. Go and get a new life, it is an opportunity to eat fresh food.
Re: Can A Woman Return Her Bride Price, And Should The Man Accept? by akindayo12(m): 4:08pm On Apr 14, 2020
lonelydora:
I still don't understand why many of these indomie generation kids are leaving their marriages.

On Easter Sunday, a woman with 2 kids ran away from her home abandoning her kids with the husband. Why? We are yet to know.

Why can't girls of nowadays stay and make their marriage work?


this is exactly what am facing right now. I don't know what to do now..

1 Like

Re: Can A Woman Return Her Bride Price, And Should The Man Accept? by JONNYSPUTE(m): 4:10pm On Apr 14, 2020
hensben:
Can she just return it by herself knowing that on that said day the man paid it to her elders.
... No,her family has to liaise with the family of her husband to do that.But the main issue there is about who takes the kid.Since she wanted to remarry,common sense should tell her that she can't take somebody's kid to another man's house when the father of the child is still alive and wants his kid.
Re: Can A Woman Return Her Bride Price, And Should The Man Accept? by Fhowe: 4:10pm On Apr 14, 2020
humble2:
Hello people

Please help with your inputs....I will be very brief.

A man married a woman.. the marriage produced a kid. Along the line they had an unreconcilable issue...I called it unreconcilable because the man had begged the woman, called elders and everyone in sight to help beg but the woman is unforgiving. Now after some years of the woman staying out of their matrimonial home. (Cos she moved out with the children) she called the man and told him she wants to move on and remarry and that the man should tell her how to return the dowry paid on her. She is also making the man sign an undertaking that he can always come to see the children whenever he wants. Though the agreement didn't state that the children can always visit their father whenever they want.

Now my question,, should the man accept the dowry or he should reject it but let her move on?

Secondly, the agreement stating that he can only visit the children at her maybe new home. Is it proper? Cos as it is the children cant go to their fathers. Please ur opinions are welcomed.. DNT mind my typography.



op don’t let anybody pressurize you into accepting bride price back .It is a recent tactic many families use to cover up for their kids .I will advice you to get a lawyer then also insist on a dna test for the kids (so you know what you are fighting for rightfully belongs to you ) Paternity fraud is real
Re: Can A Woman Return Her Bride Price, And Should The Man Accept? by linearity: 4:16pm On Apr 14, 2020
immaq8:
first you stated a kid, later children.
Nevertheless, in my tradition if the man do not collect the bride price or the lady family do not return the bride price, it means they are still married. if the lady sleep with another man it's known as abomination.
secondly, if the lady haven't remarry, the man can visit the kid(s) in her new home rather fix a venue.

Not true in all cases.

Some communities found out that, men have been using this to hold women down by making themselves perpetually unavailable to collect the bride price.

So in many communities, the woman only need to return the bride price to the traditional ruler of their community e.g. the King, the King’s messengers will then contact the man to come to the palace to pickup his bride price...irrespective of if he picks it or not, the marriage is dissolved according to native laws & customs.

The funny thing is, in one of the communities that am aware of, the bride price is like N3,000.00. Even if the man spent N20 million, the most important money is that N3,000.00, the N20 million was just a support or accessory...so, the lady will only return the N3k to dissolve the marriage.

3 Likes

Re: Can A Woman Return Her Bride Price, And Should The Man Accept? by Punchline33: 4:17pm On Apr 14, 2020
akindayo12:


this is exactly what am facing right now. I don't know what to do now..
What is the problem? Talk let us hear and please take it easy
Re: Can A Woman Return Her Bride Price, And Should The Man Accept? by jerryfemi88: 4:18pm On Apr 14, 2020
humble2:
Hello people

Please help with your inputs....I will be very brief.

A man married a woman.. the marriage produced a kid. Along the line they had an unreconcilable issue...I called it unreconcilable because the man had begged the woman, called elders and everyone in sight to help beg but the woman is unforgiving. Now after some years of the woman staying out of their matrimonial home. (Cos she moved out with the children) she called the man and told him she wants to move on and remarry and that the man should tell her how to return the dowry paid on her. She is also making the man sign an undertaking that he can always come to see the children whenever he wants. Though the agreement didn't state that the children can always visit their father whenever they want.

Now my question,, should the man accept the dowry or he should reject it but let her move on?

Secondly, the agreement stating that he can only visit the children at her maybe new home. Is it proper? Cos as it is the children cant go to their fathers. Please ur opinions are welcomed.. DNT mind my typography.



Ur question is funny, but remember she wasn't the one that collected the bride price, so it should be can the family of the woman return a bride price? And if I might answer you, yes it can be returned.
Re: Can A Woman Return Her Bride Price, And Should The Man Accept? by od501: 4:19pm On Apr 14, 2020
humble2:
Hello people

Please help with your inputs....I will be very brief.

A man married a woman.. the marriage produced a kid. Along the line they had an unreconcilable issue...I called it unreconcilable because the man had begged the woman, called elders and everyone in sight to help beg but the woman is unforgiving. Now after some years of the woman staying out of their matrimonial home. (Cos she moved out with the children) she called the man and told him she wants to move on and remarry and that the man should tell her how to return the dowry paid on her. She is also making the man sign an undertaking that he can always come to see the children whenever he wants. Though the agreement didn't state that the children can always visit their father whenever they want.

Now my question,, should the man accept the dowry or he should reject it but let her move on?

Secondly, the agreement stating that he can only visit the children at her maybe new home. Is it proper? Cos as it is the children cant go to their fathers. Please ur opinions are welcomed.. DNT mind my typography.





This answer is simple, I am from the Eastern part of the country so i will take it from that point of view. If Hanti no wan do again and wants to remarry, she 'must' leave the children in their father's house then go ahead to remarry.

But if the man's family has refused to collect the paid bride price and the girls family is in agreement with her, they should simply go there (to the man's family house) with a jeg of palm wine and drop it for them whether they collected it or not.
But the woman must never under any circumstance take the children to another man's house without the permission of the man (ex) husband. There are implications to such behavior!
Re: Can A Woman Return Her Bride Price, And Should The Man Accept? by mechanics(m): 4:23pm On Apr 14, 2020
I don't support divorce, why did they not observe themselves before agreeing to be together, now the children will be at the receiving end.
Re: Can A Woman Return Her Bride Price, And Should The Man Accept? by skybeauty(f): 4:23pm On Apr 14, 2020
What we should consider now is the question of of whether they had a statutory marriage or only customary marriage and the position of relevant laws guiding marriages in Nigeria.

OP if they had a statutory marriage (the best way to decipher dis is to request for the wedding certificate and check if it has written at the top most part of it “Form E” as most churches except a few issue wedding certificate which is not valid under the Nigerian Law) now if the wedding certificate is a “Form E” issued by the authorized church or marriage registry then they have a statutory marriage which can only be dissolved by a court of competent jurisdiction which is the High Court of Justice. In other words none of the parties can out of their own volition dissolve the marriage except by the said High Court of Justice and it is for the said court to decide on the custody of the child.

If on the other hand there was no statutory marriage and the parties had ONLY A TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE which is called a Customary Marriage in law, then if for example it is in Igbo land, the family of the bride can return d bride price to the grooms family and vice versa to signify dissolution, where however the brides family refuses to return the bride price or the groom family refuses to accept the returned bride price, then either party can approach the CUSTOMARY COURT in their locality and request to pay the bride price there so that the groom can come and collect if from the court or in a case where the brides family refuses to return the bride price, the groom can approach a customary court and request the bride to pay the bride price back to him through the court. The essence of making sure that the bride price is returned is because the bride price signifies the bond that hold the marriage and once refunded, the marriage comes to an end

Back to the topic, where the woman in question refuses to do the aforestated then the marriage is still alive and subsisting.

3 Likes

Re: Can A Woman Return Her Bride Price, And Should The Man Accept? by od501: 4:27pm On Apr 14, 2020
SSam01:
If the bride price is not returned and she remarries the children produced in the new marriage belongs to the previous husband.

This is why men must insist on paying #10,000,000 bride price as future investment so on the day the woman decides to return the bride price you can be sure of buying a new tear rubber car and clear some debts.

And this is why the woman's family should demand for only #20.00 as bride price so on the day your daughter runs away you will not carry gbese. Its not good to be greedy.

Young boys and girls and panel of judges hope i have been able to convince and confuse you with these few points of mine? grin





As stupid as this post may sound, my brother, you very correct me grin...as a matter of fact, this is the wisest post i have read here lol

1 Like

Re: Can A Woman Return Her Bride Price, And Should The Man Accept? by od501: 4:28pm On Apr 14, 2020
SSam01:
If the bride price is not returned and she remarries the children produced in the new marriage belongs to the previous husband.

This is why men must insist on paying #10,000,000 bride price as future investment so on the day the woman decides to return the bride price you can be sure of buying a new tear rubber car and clear some debts.

And this is why the woman's family should demand for only #20.00 as bride price so on the day your daughter runs away you will not carry gbese. Its not good to be greedy.

Young boys and girls and panel of judges hope i have been able to convince and confuse you with these few points of mine? grin



As stupid as this post may sound, my brother, you very correct me grin...as a matter of fact, this is the wisest post i have read here lol
Re: Can A Woman Return Her Bride Price, And Should The Man Accept? by Jim99: 4:28pm On Apr 14, 2020
afribabe:
meaning that the man can singlehandedly bear the name Father in his lifetime.....

All I know is that in case of a divorce/separation, both of them should not expect to return to their pre-marriage state ..

Not singlehandedly but he has alot of options. Also he can be a father till his last day. So in the real sense she saved herself from childlessness, not the man.
Re: Can A Woman Return Her Bride Price, And Should The Man Accept? by Mancala: 4:39pm On Apr 14, 2020
Regardless of how they were married, the man/woman should seek a proper separation/divorce in a court of law to protect their rights. The court will clearly spell out visitation rights and any other obligations. Constitutional law seperceeds any tradition. If she goes to a court of law and obtains a legal resolution, it will usurp any and all side agreements that have been made. Under the law, the act of exchanging the bride price and doing the traditional wedding considers them married under a common law setting. However, a bride price is considered a gift, and under the law, a gift cannot be revoked or taken back. The woman is not obligated to return the bride price under the law. If she is offering it back, its simply a gift and does not in any way deprive the man of any of his legal rights. Short answer, go the legal route. Any side agreements can still be overtaken by a court of law!
Re: Can A Woman Return Her Bride Price, And Should The Man Accept? by Buharigoodluck(m): 4:39pm On Apr 14, 2020
SSam01:
If the bride price is not returned and she remarries the children produced in the new marriage belongs to the previous husband.

This is why men must insist on paying #10,000,000 bride price as future investment so on the day the woman decides to return the bride price you can be sure of buying a new tear rubber car and clear some debts.

And this is why the woman's family should demand for only #20.00 as bride price so on the day your daughter runs away you will not carry gbese. Its not good to be greedy.

Young boys and girls and panel of judges hope i have been able to convince and confuse you with these few points of mine? grin
ibugodi odogwu .you need one bottle oh mpa hero
Re: Can A Woman Return Her Bride Price, And Should The Man Accept? by successity5(m): 4:42pm On Apr 14, 2020
She should with the dowry, I don't need it
And she will not allow the children to come and see me anytime they want no problem, as for me I will never ever step my foot anywhere around her in the name of going to see the children, that's my submission. I can't coto in her poho

1 Like

Re: Can A Woman Return Her Bride Price, And Should The Man Accept? by successity5(m): 4:45pm On Apr 14, 2020
successity5:
She should go with the dowry, I don't need it
And she will not allow the children to come and see me anytime they want no problem, as for me I will never ever step my foot anywhere around her in the name of going to see the children, that's my submission. I can't coto in her poho
Re: Can A Woman Return Her Bride Price, And Should The Man Accept? by 79733139(m): 4:48pm On Apr 14, 2020
The woman has most likely forgiven the man but she doesn't want him as her husband anymore. Please know the difference between the two.

Unforgiveness would mean she doesn't even want the man to see his children and would be looking for ways to retaliate for what he did to her.

The woman has moved on. Some people are okay with divorcing and moving on.

humble2:
Hello people

Please help with your inputs....I will be very brief.

A man married a woman.. the marriage produced a kid. Along the line they had an unreconcilable issue...I called it unreconcilable because the man had begged the woman, called elders and everyone in sight to help beg but the woman is unforgiving. Now after some years of the woman staying out of their matrimonial home. (Cos she moved out with the children) she called the man and told him she wants to move on and remarry and that the man should tell her how to return the dowry paid on her. She is also making the man sign an undertaking that he can always come to see the children whenever he wants. Though the agreement didn't state that the children can always visit their father whenever they want.

Now my question,, should the man accept the dowry or he should reject it but let her move on?

Secondly, the agreement stating that he can only visit the children at her maybe new home. Is it proper? Cos as it is the children cant go to their fathers. Please ur opinions are welcomed.. DNT mind my typography.



3 Likes

Re: Can A Woman Return Her Bride Price, And Should The Man Accept? by SaiOba: 4:48pm On Apr 14, 2020
Since he payed a dowry that means he married her the proper way. He should be the one drafting the agreement. He should also take his kid/kids from her and let her move on...but if he knows he is not capable and can't take good care of the kid/kids he should visit from time to time but he shouldn't sign any agreement whatsoever and shouldn't accept any dowry back.
Most single mothers are not always honest... They will rather tell their kid/kids. "Your father left us"..


humble2:
Hello people

Please help with your inputs....I will be very brief.

A man married a woman.. the marriage produced a kid. Along the line they had an unreconcilable issue...I called it unreconcilable because the man had begged the woman, called elders and everyone in sight to help beg but the woman is unforgiving. Now after some years of the woman staying out of their matrimonial home. (Cos she moved out with the children) [/b]she called the man and told him she wants to move on and remarry and that the man should tell her how to return the dowry paid on her. [b]She is also making the man sign an undertaking that he can always come to see the children whenever he wants. Though the agreement didn't state that the children can always visit their father whenever they want.

Now my question,, should the man accept the dowry or he should reject it but let her move on?

Secondly, the agreement stating that he can only visit the children at her maybe new home. Is it proper? Cos as it is the children cant go to their fathers. Please ur opinions are welcomed.. DNT mind my typography.



Re: Can A Woman Return Her Bride Price, And Should The Man Accept? by SaiOba: 4:59pm On Apr 14, 2020
This is the main reason I support courting for a reasonable time before agreeing to be together for ever.

mechanics:
I don't support divorce, why did they not observe themselves before agreeing to be together, now the children will be at the receiving end.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Can A Woman Return Her Bride Price, And Should The Man Accept? by MrBrownJay1(m): 5:00pm On Apr 14, 2020
- get you bride price back
- ONLY sign the contract if it stipulates that you can go see your kids whenever you desire, and that they should stay with you during [b]ALL holidays (enumerate all the holidays in advance).
- be merry without the lady, as it is obvious she is merry without you.[/b]
Re: Can A Woman Return Her Bride Price, And Should The Man Accept? by SaiOba: 5:01pm On Apr 14, 2020
GBAMMEST !

od501:



This answer is simple, I am from the Eastern part of the country so i will take it from that point of view. If Hanti no wan do again and wants to remarry, she 'must' leave the children in their father's house then go ahead to remarry.

But if the man's family has refused to collect the paid bride price and the girls family is in agreement with her, they should simply go there (to the man's family house) with a jeg of palm wine and drop it for them whether they collected it or not.
But the woman must never under any circumstance take the children to another man's house without the permission of the man (ex) husband. There are implications to such behavior!

Re: Can A Woman Return Her Bride Price, And Should The Man Accept? by SaiOba: 5:06pm On Apr 14, 2020
This will only matter if there is no kid/kids involved .


linearity:


Not true in all cases.

Some communities found out that, men have been using this to hold women down by making themselves perpetually unavailable to collect the bride price.

So in many communities, the woman only need to return the bride price to the traditional ruler of their community e.g. the King, the King’s mess angers now contact the man to come to the palace to pickup his bride price...irrespective of if he picks it or not, the marriage is dissolved according to native laws & customs.

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