Paul8000:
Good evening ladies and gents... my name is Paul ... I am married to my beautiful wife vivian by name for the past 16 years ... we have 5 wonderful children together ... Jemima 15... Isaac 12... Elizabeth 9... Samuel 6 and Tabitha 3... we are based in Liberia ... We both are working and earning well by God grace... I have few issues with my wife that brought me here to get some advices... anytime my wife and I had some misunderstanding... she does involve the children ... ... the oldest 3 she tells them everything including how I cheated on her ... she also feed them with lies that I am a bad man ... I want to kills her... she tells them so many things to make them hates me... they will disrespect and keeping malice with me to the extend of if I send them for errands ... she will stopped them and tells them not to go... no matter how much I shouted at them to go ... they will not obey me because their mother has the final say. For example my wife and I are having some misunderstandings for over 3 weeks now... we are not talking or sleeping in the same room ... I have tried to makes things works for us but she refused ... the children are also keeping malice with me ... I sent Elizabeth to go and get some water for me ... she obeyed and went to the kitchen .. few moments later she came back emptied handed staring at me in shock ... I asked her what about the water ... she said her mother said I should go in the kitchen to get the water myself ... at that moment I just couldn’t take it anymore .. I exploded in anger ... I went to the kitchen we had a heated arguments... she pour water on me ... I really wanted to hit her so hard but I control my anger ... and walked away... I left the house for 3 days to cool down... because I was so angry with her ... I just wanted to be a lone ... i then went home after 3 days ... my 3 oldest children acted like they hadn’t seen me ... they were busy with their phone/ tablets and it was only my 2 youngest that were missing me ... they both hugged me like never before me ... my youngest daughter refuse to leave my room she even slept in my room... I could see how much she misses me... my wife on her side acted like nothing too.. her normal behaviour as usual ... for the sake of my 2 youngest children I sit her down and talked with her ... how we should makes things better for the sake of our children especially the younger ones... I have apologized to her on my knees... all to no avail... I am tired of my wife turning my children against me ... they have become out of control ... I can’t correct them ... it pains me a lot to see my own children disrespecting me ... I don’t want them to grown up and hate me all their life ... I want to have my family back ... a happy home how we used to be before ... but my wife don’t want to cooperate with me ... I taught this lockdown will bring us together so we could sorted out our differences and fix our marriage to become better ... but all to no avail... I am writing this sitting inside my car in the compound because I can’t even go inside the house because I have nobody to talk to... my 2 youngest children that keeps me busy are asleep ... I am so lonely all alone ... please how can I put an end to all this ... I am fed up ... anyone who has ever experienced something like this can you please advice me on how did you overcome this. I hope I was brief enough...

Ladylite:


Travel unannounced, for months.

Change your number.

Work, do odd jobs if you must but come back only when she is broken and begging and crying and desperate.... Ensure she begs on phone and each of the children beg and apologize. Do not return unless you are far richer, looking better.


Then travel again just before they get used to you.


She will learn what I have learned, that your potential is unlimited and she is not responsible enough to hold you down. So it will make her humble.

Paul8000:

Yes I have hurt my wife a lot in the past ... I have cheated on her so many times with 3 different women.... I impregnated one of them ... my son is 6 years old... I sincerely apologised to her and promised that I will never cheats on her again... she has forgiven me ... that was 6 years ago and I haven’t cheated don her since. All these misunderstandings we are having has nothing to do with me cheating.... my main problem is the way she has turned the kids against me ... anytime we are having some issues ... she keep malice with me and will tell the kids to do the same thing... and when things get back to normal again... she will tell them to start talking with me...

Paul8000:
Good evening ladies and gents...

My name is Paul, I am married to my beautiful wife Vivian by name for the past 16 years . We have 5 wonderful children together Jemima 15, Isaac 12, Elizabeth 9, Samuel 6 and Tabitha 3. We are based in Liberia. We both are working and earning well by God grace. I have few issues with my wife that brought me here to get some advice.

Anytime my wife and I had some misunderstanding, she does involve the children. The oldest 3 she tells them everything including how I cheated on her, she also feed them with lies that I am a bad man and I want to kills her. She tells them so many things to make them hate me. They will disrespect and keeping malice with me to the extend of if I send them for errands, she will stop them and tell them not to go. No matter how much I shouted at them to go, they will not obey me because their mother has the final say. For example my wife and I are having some misunderstandings for over 3 weeks now, we are not talking or sleeping in the same room. I have tried to makes things works for us but she refused.

The children are also keeping malice with me. I sent Elizabeth to go and get some water for me, she obeyed and went to the kitchen, few moments later she came back empty handed staring at me in shock. I asked her what about the water she said her mother said I should go in the kitchen to get the water myself . At that moment I just couldn’t take it anymore I exploded in anger I went to the kitchen we had a heated arguments she pour water on me I really wanted to hit her so hard but I control my anger and walked away.

I left the house for 3 days to cool down. because I was so angry with her I just wanted to be alone. I then went home after 3 days,my 3 oldest children acted like they hadn’t seen me they were busy with their phone/ tablets and it was only my 2 youngest that were missing me they both hugged me like never before me. My youngest daughter refuse to leave my room she even slept in my room. I could see how much she misses me. My wife on her side acted like nothing too her normal behaviour as usual . For the sake of my 2 youngest children I sat her down and talked with her. How we should makes things better for the sake of our children especially the younger ones.

I have apologized to her on my knees all to no avail. I am tired of my wife turning my children against me they have becoming out of control ... I can’t correct them it pains me a lot to see my own children disrespecting me. I don’t want them to grow up and hate me all their life I want to have my family back. A happy home how we used to be before but my wife don’t want to cooperate with me I thought this lock-down will bring us together so we could sorted out our differences and fix our marriage to become better but all to no avail.

I am writing this sitting inside my car in the compound because I can’t even go inside the house because I have nobody to talk to my 2 youngest children that keeps me busy are asleep. I am so lonely all alone please how can I put an end to all this I am fed up ...

Anyone who has ever experienced something like this can you please advice me on how did you overcome this. I hope I was brief enough...

Paul8000:
Good evening ladies and gents...

My name is Paul, I am married to my beautiful wife Vivian by name for the past 16 years . We have 5 wonderful children together Jemima 15, Isaac 12, Elizabeth 9, Samuel 6 and Tabitha 3. We are based in Liberia. We both are working and earning well by God grace. I have few issues with my wife that brought me here to get some advice.

Anytime my wife and I had some misunderstanding, she does involve the children. The oldest 3 she tells them everything including how I cheated on her, she also feed them with lies that I am a bad man and I want to kills her. She tells them so many things to make them hate me. They will disrespect and keeping malice with me to the extend of if I send them for errands, she will stop them and tell them not to go. No matter how much I shouted at them to go, they will not obey me because their mother has the final say. For example my wife and I are having some misunderstandings for over 3 weeks now, we are not talking or sleeping in the same room. I have tried to makes things works for us but she refused.

The children are also keeping malice with me. I sent Elizabeth to go and get some water for me, she obeyed and went to the kitchen, few moments later she came back empty handed staring at me in shock. I asked her what about the water she said her mother said I should go in the kitchen to get the water myself . At that moment I just couldn’t take it anymore I exploded in anger I went to the kitchen we had a heated arguments she pour water on me I really wanted to hit her so hard but I control my anger and walked away.

I left the house for 3 days to cool down. because I was so angry with her I just wanted to be alone. I then went home after 3 days,my 3 oldest children acted like they hadn’t seen me they were busy with their phone/ tablets and it was only my 2 youngest that were missing me they both hugged me like never before me. My youngest daughter refuse to leave my room she even slept in my room. I could see how much she misses me. My wife on her side acted like nothing too her normal behaviour as usual . For the sake of my 2 youngest children I sat her down and talked with her. How we should makes things better for the sake of our children especially the younger ones.

I have apologized to her on my knees all to no avail. I am tired of my wife turning my children against me they have becoming out of control ... I can’t correct them it pains me a lot to see my own children disrespecting me. I don’t want them to grow up and hate me all their life I want to have my family back. A happy home how we used to be before but my wife don’t want to cooperate with me I thought this lock-down will bring us together so we could sorted out our differences and fix our marriage to become better but all to no avail.

I am writing this sitting inside my car in the compound because I can’t even go inside the house because I have nobody to talk to my 2 youngest children that keeps me busy are asleep. I am so lonely all alone please how can I put an end to all this I am fed up ...

Anyone who has ever experienced something like this can you please advice me on how did you overcome this. I hope I was brief enough...

Ningen:
[s]Oga, stop blaming your wife. You played a part.

I am sure your children didn't just wake up one day and started disrespecting you. C'mon, you must have noticed subtle changes in their behaviour, little by little deteriorating.

So tell us why you didn't strike sooner?

What was so important to you that you choose to neglect and hand over your parental duty to your manipulative wife[/s]?

Gracealone:
The main issue that may make your wife disrespect you is your lack of money. If you are the breadwinner, it cannot be this bad.

Bola146:
The foundation is faulty..15 years? How come sudden change? its means and shows that you are not that friendly to your children from onset, yes! I know kids of nowadays, you can play with their intellect, even if are taking them out, bringing only happy hour for them, they will never behave like that. Only God knows maybe your wife is too depressed, she is lonely and frustrated. Your family lacks good and friendly communication from the beginning.

It takes the grace of God to amend things back to normal. Keep begging her and the children, its not a easy as that also be praying for them.

bukatyne:
@Paul8000:

There are two issues:

1. You do not have a good relationship with your wife

2. You do not have a good relationship with your kids: you were not involved in their upbringing. The last two like you because they are young and unaware of their surroundings. As soon as their mom can influence them, you will lose them also.

A. First, you address the kids individually as follows:
1. Engage them as adults. Tell them you love them, care for them etc. and as their father, they have to respect and obey you in return. If your life is a reflection of your religion, you should make a parallel between you as a father and God/Allah as our father.

2. Tell them that you are not perfect and would have tussle with their mother however, it is not in their place to support their mother (except you are endangering her life) and they should always respect you.

3. Understand their peculiar challenges and address them.

B. Engage your wife and allow her air any grievance she has. You mentioned she told the kids you cheated, did you?
Address the grievance one after the other and also tell her your own grievance.

Thereafter, tell her that you both MUST have a joint agreement on discipline and training for the kids. If she has any reservations on what you do, she should address it with you in private. Ditto you too. Tell her to also stop discussing your shortcomings with the kids. She should address you, in private.

Then you gather your family together and address them. Lay down ground rules and create family bonding times through meals and prayers.

You also need to live a life of example and honor to your kids especially.

It is very shameful for you the husband of the home to be sitting cowardly in the car because you have a bitter wife (which may be your doing) and unruly children.

I have two threads: one on fatherhood and another on husbandhood.

Goodluck Mr. Paul