What To Do When A Woman Insist On Court Marriage - Family - Nairaland
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| What To Do When A Woman Insist On Court Marriage by Kboyvic(m): 1:50am On Apr 28, 2020 |
I need advise please , she is insisting on court marriage without giving me a good reason why she wants us to go for court marriage before our white wedding/traditional. Her silly comments Her first reason was incase something happen to me that my family will not push her out, That cause we are not fro. The state. Incase I leave her for another woman in future. I talk to her what's the meaning of all the comment, u know I wouldn't do all this things ur saying, a lady have be in relationship with over 6years still have doubt. She cried all through out the night begging me I didn't accept. In the morning we settled that and we are fine after giving her reason why I wouldn't do all that she mention. Lately she came back telling me that her madam advise her to go for court marriage that it's very important, na here another problem come start again concerning the court marriage. If not for the lockdown our marriage is suppose to come by June. Why am saying no to court marriage, am thinking she wants to act anyhow after we get married. I love her but she taking the court thing as claterial for u. |
| Re: What To Do When A Woman Insist On Court Marriage by majamajic(m): 1:55am On Apr 28, 2020 |
So they can have much Advantage over u 5 Likes |
| Re: What To Do When A Woman Insist On Court Marriage by atiku4President(m): 3:08am On Apr 28, 2020 |
She's telling you the truth. You are the one that is not being realistic and true to the relationship. You must do everything to protect her. Go and do court marriage. That is the marriage accepted by law. 50 Likes |
| Re: What To Do When A Woman Insist On Court Marriage by Nobody: 3:27am On Apr 28, 2020 |
She is not trustworthy. Is she from a broken home ? 3 Likes |
| Re: What To Do When A Woman Insist On Court Marriage by Nobody: 3:31am On Apr 28, 2020 |
Kboyvic:Do not be afraid, blud. Just get a pre-nup. 3 Likes |
| Re: What To Do When A Woman Insist On Court Marriage by Nobody: 3:35am On Apr 28, 2020 |
Don’t marry her. And she shouldn’t marry you either The two of you are not honest with each other. Something must definitely come up later to buttress this court wedding claim. Una don start am already. 16 Likes |
| Re: What To Do When A Woman Insist On Court Marriage by doitforyou(f): 3:37am On Apr 28, 2020 |
You’re about to get married to another person and it’s no longer just you. You have to be ready and know when to compromise to accommodate the other person in your life. One measure to use is to ask yourself “who has more to lose?” If you guys don’t have a civil ceremony; what does she have to lose? If you die or you fall out of love with her she has little to no legal protection. What do you have to lose? 30 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: What To Do When A Woman Insist On Court Marriage by budaatum: 3:39am On Apr 28, 2020 |
atiku4President:Really? I better go check if I'm married! I thought marrying anywhere you get a marriage certificate from was accepted by law. |
| Re: What To Do When A Woman Insist On Court Marriage by Franzinni: 3:46am On Apr 28, 2020 |
Its a trap ...don't you ever try it .. Court marriage is a big NO... Unless you are ready to be a sacrificial lamb down the line. When the main marital issues become a big deal. 2 Likes |
| Re: What To Do When A Woman Insist On Court Marriage by budaatum: 3:46am On Apr 28, 2020 |
doitforyou:I'd have thought they both should be compromising and accommodating, but sister here seems to be laying down the law! And this is feminist to the power infinity buda speaking here! Kboyvic, you need to remind her that her madam is not going to be part of your relationship and if her madam's opinion matters so much maybe she should marry her madam instead of you! But only say that after you've agreed to this tiny request of her's. 3 Likes |
| Re: What To Do When A Woman Insist On Court Marriage by doitforyou(f): 4:04am On Apr 28, 2020 |
budaatum:NL love to invoke the F word even when it doesn’t apply. How is she laying down the law? She has a real reason to worry that a customary court will not have any effect if she’s a widow and her in-laws kick her and her kids out. We have threads here on NL on sufferings of widows. Please, what does the man have to lose? It’s not like she’ll receive a financial windfall if they divorce, we have no such laws here. OP if you love her as you claim, then you will do all you can so she and your kids are well protected if anything happens to you. 37 Likes 3 Shares |
| Re: What To Do When A Woman Insist On Court Marriage by KNOWMORE56: 4:11am On Apr 28, 2020 |
To me, this 6 years have been in pretence from both of you in the relationship. She doesn't trust you, you don't trust her. Both of you are afraid of the future. Don't go into marriage, whether court, church or traditional, there is no sincerity. 4 Likes |
| Re: What To Do When A Woman Insist On Court Marriage by nana228(f): 4:19am On Apr 28, 2020 |
Please i genuinely need to know, how does court marriage favour a woman except the man plans on marrying another wife before properly divorcing her in Nigeria? Honestly i don't see the big deal, is it not the same court that tells men with 5 children to pay 5,000/month for three children as upkeep? I have never seen where the court shared the couples assets and liabilities 50/50 like other countries. Is there something i don't know? What about making her sign a prenuptial agreement if you are worried about anything? 14 Likes |
| Re: What To Do When A Woman Insist On Court Marriage by doitforyou(f): 4:28am On Apr 28, 2020 |
nana228:Yup all that. The man really has nothing to lose to be making such a big fuss over it. It’s not like he’s been asked to convert to another religion. A civil ceremony is cheap and quick. The only time a civil marriage is beneficial to the woman is when she becomes a widow. She can at least have a fighting chance in court. 31 Likes |
| Re: What To Do When A Woman Insist On Court Marriage by candyguyofficia(m): 4:32am On Apr 28, 2020 |
Let me break down the analysis of court marriage. There are basically 2 types of Marriage: 1) Ethnic Customary Law Marriage (Islamic marriage is also categorised under this type of marriage as it seem as a special form of customary law marriage and not a distinct form of marriage) 2) Marriage under the Act also called "Court Marriage", "Christian marriage". It is important to state that some Christian marriage are just fanfare and are not Marriage under the Act as some lack the periquisite (this is based on technicality I won't bore you with) Reasons why some persons Opts for Marriage Under the Act/ "Court Marriage" 1) Obnoxious Customary Practices that are discriminatory 2) To guarantee the immediate family of the man that marry. Or as some form of assurance that the immediate family will be fine. 3) Succession Matters i.e inheritance 4) Also because they don't want the existence of another marriage outside the valid subsisting "Court Marriage" as it frown at polygamy An overview of the nature of Customary Law Marriage. As a general rule in Nigeria and most Africa countries most widows cannot inherit from their deceased husband property as these females are regarded as property that should be managed, "shared" and governed, as a "property" cannot manage another property. In Osilaja v Osilaja the Supreme Court stated that the customary law rule that a widow cannot inherit her husband's estate has become so notorious (kindly note that "notorious" do not mean as negative word as defined in English dictionary rather it notorious as used by the court means so popular very popular) by frequent proof in courts that it has become judicially noticed. Marriage under the Act Vis a Vis Succession Matters The type of marriage celebrated by an individual has a significant role to play in determining the type of law that will apply in the dissolution/distribution of the estate (property) of the deceased who dies intestate (without a Will), this is because marriage influence personal law. For a person who during his lifetime contracted a Marriage under the Act the custom which the person was naturally subjected to by nature will not be applicable as regard how the deceased estate (property) will be shared rather it will be the English Law that will govern the distribution of the estate. English Law do not generally mean the Received English Law will be what will be applicable as local legislation can/will be applied such as the Administration of Estate Law However, in Cole v Cole, Mr. Cole a native of Lagos who also died in Lagos during his lifetime got married to a Sierra Leonea and contracted Marriage under the Act/"Court Marriage", Mr. Cole died with is wife, child and his own brother surviving him. Upon Mr. Cole death, is brother went to court to be declared customary heir (i.e right to inherit ALL of his brother's property solely in accordance with the custom to which the late Mr. Cole was naturally subjected to), the court in interpreting section 14, 19 of the Supreme Court Ordinance of 1876 held that customary law is not the applicable law to the distribution of the estate/property of Late Mr. Cole (meaning Cole brother can't inherit his brother's property in line with custom of Late Mr. Cole) but the English Law this is because the Late Mr. Cole had contracted a Marriage under the Act/"Court Marriage" sometimes referred to as Christian Marriage (Note I said earlier that some Christian marriage in practice are fanfare as they do not constitute Marriage under the Act, its technical but like I said I won't bore you with it). The decision of the court in Cole v Cole is in line with Section 49 (5) of the Administration of Estate Law. To OP: The type of marriage a person contract in his lifetime is one of the most important decision a person can make in his/her lifetime and mosttimes the implication of which is brought to bear when the party is long dead. (I know Africans we don't really fancy talking abt death but everyone know it will come one time or the other). In law as it is always said a good lawyer know the law but a great lawyer know all the exception and when to apply the law. You must choose an option that best suit you, and you must bring other factors into bear some factors that you may not possibly have imagined but one that a skilled lawyer can only bring to bear. Like I said knowing when to apply the law and the exception is more important, Marriage under the Act can be contracted immediately, before or after customary law marriage, it can be contracted alone without customary law marriage just the way customary law marriage can be contracted alone with "Court Marriage". Likewise "Court Marriage can be contracted many days, month, years, decade after customary law marriage and the "Court Marriage will be of effect. I have thrown away all the relevant pieces and given you only the useful pieces to the puzzle. You could talk to a lawyer or anyone skilled in law. Observation: I observed some persons insinuating that Marriage under the Act is above customary law marriage, some stating that Marriage under the Act is the one recognise by law. Please be guided, Marriage under the Act and Customary law marriage in the eye of the law are equal for as long as both marriages are valid, the only thing is you cannot work in UAC and want to be paid in John Holt meaning if you contracted a customary law marriage you cannot seek the benefits of Marriage under the Act just the same way if you contract a Marriage under the Act you cannot seek the benefit of Customary law marriage but note the court will not reply on any custom guiding a practice if such a custom in the opinion of the court is repugnant against natural justice, equity, good conscience and public policy 4 Likes |
| Re: What To Do When A Woman Insist On Court Marriage by cococandy(f): 4:52am On Apr 28, 2020 |
It’s a requirement for any legal proceedings that might occur in the course of your marriage in future. Let’s say you guys are married and 15 years into your marriage, you or her decide you’re not good for each other anymore? What protection does she have if that decision will be cause for her to lose her home or property without compensation? What if you die before her? What protects her home and property from grabbing outsiders if she can’t prove she’s part owner? You don’t have to go to a court/registry for the wedding. Many churches now require a court clearance before they wed the couple. You can sign the papers in the register with witnesses and take it to church with you on your wedding day. Then the priest and your parents/witnesses will sign their part. If you’re not enamored with the idea of a court ceremony, this would be the way to go. Now the question to you is “why don’t you want to do it?” 14 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: What To Do When A Woman Insist On Court Marriage by cococandy(f): 4:55am On Apr 28, 2020 |
And that’s why Nigerian wives would be wise to make sure their properties are documented very well with them as owners or part owners made clear. Not building in the name of marriage and have a system that doesn’t recognize your contributions give you pittance in the event of a dissolution. nana228: 8 Likes |
| Re: What To Do When A Woman Insist On Court Marriage by Jullima(f): 5:01am On Apr 28, 2020 |
If you don’t want to do court marriage, she can take the church certificate and go and register it in a court and get a statutory certificate, that’s what my aunty did. Please don’t be suspicious of her, she is scared of the horror stories of widows. Yes you love your wife and you’ve dated for 6 years but I am sorry God forbid you die all bets are off. You can’t control how people will treat your kids or your wife when you’re gone. 17 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: What To Do When A Woman Insist On Court Marriage by budaatum: 5:23am On Apr 28, 2020 |
doitforyou:The F was to denote my usual stance which I chose not to adopt here but confessed so those who know it of me don't think I had a mind transplant. But equating simple me to NL is bigging me up way more than puny me is worth. That said, don't miss my F credentials. I wear it as my badge of honour and don't really care if you dis or like it since I am not here to pleasure you. You do not have to agree with me that she is laying down the law. You have your own mind and opinion and I'm sure you'd let me have mine, though whether you let me or not is irrelevant really since I d not need your permission nor do I require you to pay for the data with which I express it. Do note that I am not assuming to knowitall, but as far as I do know, a "customary court wedding", which you changed op's "white wedding/traditional wedding" to, are as recognised as any marriage. Traditional non-court weddings however, depend on your own local traditions which are not the same everywhere in Nigeria and have some exceptions which you may want to read about here. Op, I strongly advise you deal with her madam's intrusions before you "do all you can so she and your kids are well protected if anything happens to you", because this would not be the only time her madam would be poking her nose in your business. And while we have all heard of "mother-in-laws from hell", it would not be with delight that to you might have to post a thread titled "madam-in-law from hell", when you ought to have seen it coming before you got married.
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| Re: What To Do When A Woman Insist On Court Marriage by budaatum: 5:24am On Apr 28, 2020 |
candyguyofficia:Please do. |
| Re: What To Do When A Woman Insist On Court Marriage by doitforyou(f): 5:57am On Apr 28, 2020 |
budaatum: Really? You got all that from this question “how is she laying down the law?” budaatum:There you go! That’s why the fiancée’s request for a civil ceremony is very reasonable. She needs a more objective legal protection than a customary court will give her. Anyways, someone up thread has suggested another good compromise, she should register the church wedding certificate at a court and get another certificate from the court. 27 Likes 4 Shares |
| Re: What To Do When A Woman Insist On Court Marriage by yimikaa: 6:54am On Apr 28, 2020 |
[double post |
| Re: What To Do When A Woman Insist On Court Marriage by yimikaa: 6:54am On Apr 28, 2020 |
Kboyvic: Don't, I repeat don't do it. She has something up her sleeve |
| Re: What To Do When A Woman Insist On Court Marriage by Ladyhippolyta88(f): 7:07am On Apr 28, 2020 |
atiku4President:Gbam Oil dey your head  10 Likes |
| Re: What To Do When A Woman Insist On Court Marriage by nana228(f): 7:17am On Apr 28, 2020 |
doitforyou: Thanks for the clarification. Every man should be happy to do this to secure his wife and children in the event of his death. I don't see what the fuss is about @OP 17 Likes |
| Re: What To Do When A Woman Insist On Court Marriage by nana228(f): 7:26am On Apr 28, 2020 |
cococandy: Thank you, another important thing women should start doing in Nigeria. Especially now that we have a lot of women contributing to the family and some are even the breadwinners. They think everything is fine until they lose their husbands. Men should be the ones championing court wedding honestly. 9 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: What To Do When A Woman Insist On Court Marriage by crackkhaus: 7:34am On Apr 28, 2020 |
Kboyvic:Hello, please pay attention if you're really serious about this issue. There's been a lot of comments above filled with the usual emotional tirades, and I wish I saw the topic earlier. A court wedding is not what will protect your fiancée at the event of your death, that is complete falsehood. Having a will (or a testament that will bestow on her the power of attorney on your behalf) during the course of your marriage... this is what will give her the protection she seeks. You can have a court wedding today and then go on to name your brother/mother/friend in your will...and she will still lose. As far as a court wedding is concerned, it is necessary ONLY in cases of divorce...so there's really no big deal here bruv. I suggest you should have a court wedding with her, but since she is insistent on it, please ensure that you do it only on the condition that you will both sign a prenup(legal document) which states exactly how the percentages should be distributed between both of you IF you divorce. Prenups (postnups) can still be updated during the course of your marriage as you both see fit though. My usual suggestion for a fair prenup is: 1. That you (man) leave ONLY with things purchased in your name, while she (woman) leaves with ONLY things purchased in her name. Avoid using multiple names on your documents. Eg. If you buy something for her, use her name on the document...you can call it love, lol. 2. The house that you will be living in... if it was built from a combined financial contribution or even if just yours, then it will belong to your wife ONLY if the children are less than 18 at the time of the divorce...otherwise it remains yours and she will move out. Any other property owned will be shared on the basis of clause 1 above. 3. Child support should be pegged at 10% of your monthly income ONLY if the children are less than 18yrs of age. Tuition, health, and other expenses will be shared 50/50 equally until they are done with tertiary education. Every other financial support is at your discretion. 4. * Add any other clause here * It is necessary to remember that if your fiancée wants to protect herself, then you're mandated to protect yourself too...and if you both love each other like you say you do, then none of you will mind. You give her a court marriage and she signs a prenup, everyone is happy. Don't let anyone blackmail you into doing things because of a love that is meant to go both ways. The word COMPROMISE does not imply that one person gets to have 100% of their way - it means meeting in the middle such that two people only get to have 50% of their way each, this is a partnership. Cheers... 18 Likes 3 Shares |
| Re: What To Do When A Woman Insist On Court Marriage by Angelacruz: 7:39am On Apr 28, 2020 |
Well said doitforyou: 12 Likes |
| Re: What To Do When A Woman Insist On Court Marriage by amaham(m): 7:48am On Apr 28, 2020 |
Op said the lady wants to do anyhow when they get married. But I think he's the one that really want to do anyhow during the marriage. Maybe the 6yrs relationship was full of ego tripping, intimidation and abuse by the op that built this whole insecurities in this innocent babe. Moreso oga's State of origin is known for dispossessing widows of their hubby properties. Op is WICKED 14 Likes |
| Re: What To Do When A Woman Insist On Court Marriage by candyguyofficia(m): 8:01am On Apr 28, 2020 |
budaatum:I just did I encountered challenge as I lost the text and had to type again but I didn't have time to double check spelling, punctuation and editing generally. You know we have many English teachers here.  1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: What To Do When A Woman Insist On Court Marriage by sweetmelanin(f): 8:23am On Apr 28, 2020 |
Sounds like you don't trust your 'wife' You can still do the court wedding but get a prenup if you're so worried 4 Likes |
| Re: What To Do When A Woman Insist On Court Marriage by CAPSLOCKED: 9:31am On Apr 28, 2020 |
majamajic: IS THIS WHY MEN TRY TO RUN AWAY FROM COURT MARRIAGE? I'M HOPING NIGERIA MAKES IT COMPULSORY VERY SOON SO YOU PEOPLE WILL HAVE NOWHERE TO HIDE. 2 Likes
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