I received this real-life experience from a friend and decided to share it here. She is Ada (not her real name). Kindly read and share your opinions;


Her mother gave birth to Ada outside wedlock and according to what she was told by her mum's family, her father abandoned them when she was three months old. Ada's maternal grandmother raised her while her mother went on to give birth to a son for another man, also out of wedlock.

Ada grew up being distant from her mother. It was when she was about 10 years old that her grandmother confided in her about who her real mother was. Although she tried to develop a relationship with her mother, her mother was never really interested, instead, she gave all her love to her son.

On several occasions, both her mother and brother would gang up against her while they were living together. Specifically, one day when Ada was 20, she made Oha soup while her mother was out. She served the soup with Fufu and ate with her brother from the same plate. When her mother came back, Ada's brother told their mother that he had been throwing up and he thinks Ada poisoned him!

Of course, the mother went crazy and beat Ada after which she threw her out of the house at night, while it was raining. Ada had no choice but to go and sleep inside a catholic church and go back to the University of Jos, where she was doing a Diploma program.

Another time, Ada went to spend some time with one of her mother's sisters in Lagos, to help her with her children. The Aunt refused to allow Ada to go back home after the agreed time, saying she didn't have money! Ada had to borrow some money from the house-help to go back home. The Aunt told everyone in the family that Ada had stolen from her and beat her little son, just to stop Ada from exposing her manipulative actions. Of course, Ada's mother believed her sister over her daughter.

Ada's mother only shows Ada love when there is something to gain! Now that Ada is married with kids, her mother looks for ways to gain from her and her husband, yet, she still goes to her siblings and friends to spread lies about her daughter. She tells everyone that her daughter does not care for her and they believe her. Ada and her husband and kids are treated like outcasts by Ada's mother's family, yet they live in the same city.

Ada and her husband placed Ada's mother on a monthly stipend of N10,000 to N15,000 as soon as they got married. Unfortunately, Ada's husband lost his bank job and the stipends stopped. Ada's mother goes about telling her siblings that Ada and her husband are not taking care of her, they accept it as truth and treat them like lepers!

Ada's mother would come to Ada's house unannounced and eat and drink what she wants, yet, she never has anything good to say about her daughter to her siblings and her friends. In the past, Ada's mother has run down her son-in-law's car and even his house, mocking him, saying things like his car is too old-fashioned and that she cannot live in the environment they live (yet she frequents that house to eat and drink).

In the past as well, Ada has been a glorified house-help to her mother's siblings. While she was single and schooling, she would go from house to house, running errands and caring for the children of her Aunties and Uncles. They never established any friendship between Ada and her cousins - Ada is only good for errands and she is seen as a low-class person.

More recently, Ada's mother was hospitalized and Ada was there for her from the beginning, even though she has little kids and no house-help. At a point, Ada couldn't make it to the hospital because her husband traveled for a week. Ada's mother's siblings came up with a roster for hospital visitation and tried to manipulate Ada who was breastfeeding at the time to take her baby to sleep in the hospital.

When she refused, one of Aunty's husband called Ada's husband to 'order' him to tell Ada to go and sleep in the hospital with the baby! Ada and her husband refused and Ada sent a message expressing her displeasure over the 'order'.

It did not matter that Ada and her husband could only visit the hospital during the day or that they visited often! The man that called Ada's husband is someone who does not even know Ada's husband's village or anything about him! This is a man that did not even attend the wedding or even show any form of care towards Ada and her husband or even their kids!

After Ada's mother was discharged from the hospital, she teamed up with her siblings to demand an apology from Ada for refusing to sleep in the hospital and also for resisting the call from her sister's husband! Ada's mother even went ahead and mocked Ada's husband, saying stuff like, who is he? Because Ada told her the call was an insult to her husband, who has the right to make decisions for his family without external interference. Of course, Ada refused and now, everyone in her mum's family sees her as a bad daughter, who wants the worst for her mother.

1. What could make a man leave his child and the woman he impregnated and never come back after he had stayed until the child was born and even had pet names for her?

2. What would make a woman hate her own child so much that she paints her daughter black for people to hate her while pretending to love the same daughter?

3. Why would a mother encourage any form of hate or negative energy towards her daughter from her siblings and their spouses?

Because Ada gives them the attention and gives them the opportunity to mock and insult her.... That is why they have the guts to run down her home....



God know that, I will not tolerate this nonsense from anybody....

She should be glad she wasn’t aborted or her husband tied through one prayer house. It’s common around Africa and you don’t go about crying. It’s what it is and you cannot afford to stop making progress in life as that’s your only gain. I know someone whose half brother doesn’t talk to only once or twice a year and it’s not like they are fighting but constant gossips in the family ask me what they are fighting for I have been asking. They are so terrible around here rather than come together establish a family business or something to make progress as a family they are busy on each other. She and her husband should focus on making it good in life as that’s more important. They might come around someday they might not but life must go on no hating but they should never compromise their health or safety. You can’t even leave the woman in your house with your food. Like I said before she and her husband should focus on building their finances as what matters most is how much care they can for their children not what they say about them

Whatever personal issues the mother has, Ada didn't ask to be in this world

Ada is too compassionate I guess, I would've cut ties with the nutcase 'mother' and her family if I were her as soon as I could afford to fend for myself without her

Na wah..

Keeping up with Ada

crackkhaus:
Na wah..

Keeping up with Ada

Hahahahahahaha.

The day Ada can't accommodate the madness around her anymore, she knows what to do.

crackkhaus:

The energy Ada used to relate this story to the OP, I would have used it to move on from all of them.

It's obvious Ada have good heart and believes pleasing people makes one a better person. Tell her to wake up!!! She should stand her ground in removing negative energy from her present family. She should stop trying to gain their love, people give only what they have. How come the mother's sweet son wasn't the one going to the hospital? Why is he not taking care of the mother? She needs to start using her head. If I were her, I will not even pick their calls.

bukatyne:


The energy Ada used to relate this story to the OP, I would have used it to move on from all of them.

Leave Ada with her people

crackkhaus:

Leave Ada with her people

Toor.

Tell Ada to cut her mother off. Simple.

You cannot force love, neither should you tolerate and even accommodate hatred and toxicity.

OK na. Ada Ada

Thank you all so much for your responses so far. We look forward to more views, please.

Thank you!

Good morning!

Good morning Lalasticlala and Co. Please, move this to the front page for us. Thanks.

Ada needs to separate herself from her mother's family and face her own family squarely.
Unfortunately, they are of no value to her life.
Avoid phone calls, avoid visits, avoid family functions and even discourage her mother from her spying visits.
They do not want to add any value to her life, but rather to subtract from it.
They wouldn't be of any help to her even if she needed help, so really no point in investing emotions or anything in such people.
"The eye that will stay with you till old age will not be discharging pus in it's youth"....proverb from somewhere

[q
uote author=eyinjuege Thanks opost=89089232]Ada needs to separate herself from her mother's family and face her own family squarely.
Unfortunately, they are of no value to her life.
Avoid phone calls, avoid visits, avoid family functions and even discourage her mother from her spying visits.
They do not want to add any value to her life, but rather to subtract from it.
They wouldn't be of any help to her even if she needed help, so really no point in investing emotions or anything in such people.
"The eye that will stay with you till old age will not be discharging pus in it's youth"....proverb from somewhere[/quote]

eyinjuege:
Ada needs to separate herself from her mother's family and face her own family squarely.
Unfortunately, they are of no value to her life.
Avoid phone calls, avoid visits, avoid family functions and even discourage her mother from her spying visits.
They do not want to add any value to her life, but rather to subtract from it.
They wouldn't be of any help to her even if she needed help, so really no point in investing emotions or anything in such people.
"The eye that will stay with you till old age will not be discharging pus in it's youth"....proverb from somewhere

Thank you @Eyinjuege

Good one

Some love stories go south, a man may leave the mother of his child sue to irreconcilable differences. It is very possible the woman harbour deep hatred for the father of the girl, and as such found expression on the innocent child.

Don't blame the relatives for the treatment meted out to the poor girl, her mother taught them just how to treat her.

mcdokwe:
Some love stories go south, a man may leave the mother of his child sue to irreconcilable differences. It is very possible the woman harbour deep hatred for the father of the girl, and as such found expression on the innocent child.

Don't blame the relatives for the treatment meted out to the poor girl, her mother taught them just how to treat her.

Very insightful @Mcdokwe. Thank you!

only in Nollywood

DopeDrugDealer:
only in Nollywood

I didn't even post half of what that young lady has been through in her life. LOL. Believe me, Nollywood has got nothing on her experiences!

...

Why are you following them around like a headless chicken? They dont want you , live your own life face your front cut them off. What is all this low self esteem drama

Eketem:
Why are you following them around like a headless chicken? They dont want you , live your own life face your front cut them off. What is all this low self esteem drama

I wonder o, my brother!

I and Ada share same story,tell her to bullshit them and live like they don't exist,giving birth to a child is not the only thing that qualifies you to be a mother.

In my case I pushed them all aside,my mother and 7 siblings where not at my wedding,I did not tell them wedding date sef,I have a daughter who is my mother's first and only grandchild for now as my 5older siblings don't have kids of their own but my mother or siblinngs has never seen her,even her picture.
she does not know my daughters name,somebody just told her I have a child now.
This is the 4th year I spoke to my mother or siblings on the phone or seen her and am doing just fine,I decided to pick my happiness and sanity over anything else.

Happiness and peaceful state of mind depends on Ada,thank God she has a good husband and kids of her own,they are her family.
she should get close to her in-laws and love them too.

Thanks @ Nnekaike

Happy Sunday!