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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? (131019 Views)
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Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by lilyheaven: 6:24pm On May 02, 2020 |
12 21 Likes |
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by spartan117(m): 6:26pm On May 02, 2020 |
MizJaY: First of all I must state that I don't in anyway support the behavior of your husband, but what I'm interested in is your marital bliss. Having two strong heads in marriage is a recipe for disaster, from what you wrote it seems your husband has a bruised ego, hence his need to constantly remind you that he is the boss(this is wrong). However the solution to this is not to withdraw or nag him, you need to be the mature one of the two at this point. If what you really want is for your marriage to blossom then put pride aside and do this: Firstly you need to get your groove back! Start dressing nice and gain back your beauty. Having a family of six is no excuse, there are people who have gone through worse and still remained beautiful with the little they had. And always wear a smile. Secondly never argue with him, if he keeps nagging you being unappreciative, just sincerely apologize and remain calm. When he comes back from work, hug him, kiss him, ask him how was his day. When you wake up in the morning, greet him, call him sweet names like honey,sugar etc. Always take his side in any argument he has with anyone in public. In private you can respectfully advice him. When you want to serve him food, go down on your knees and serve him, try to do this not only in private but in front of his friends or visitors nothing else will endear a man to a woman than this. . ..the list goes on and on, but I trust that you get the gist by now. What I'm simply trying to say in one sentence is Show him love. Love conquers all. Finally and most importantly, get close to Jesus, he's the only one who can heal a broken home. You need to develop a personal relationship with the holy spirit, if you have this relationship ]every other relationship in your life will be blissful. I will recommende these two books to you written by Pastor Yonggi Cho and Pastor Benny Hinn. They will help you build a relationship with the holy spirit, and they are available in all Christian bookstores nationwide. Shalom ![]() 11 Likes 2 Shares
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Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by boldx(m): 6:30pm On May 02, 2020 |
Good evening madam, You and your husband are entering a mid life crisis. This is the breakdown: a) You have 4 kids (family of 6) b) You still live in a rented apartment c) Most of the bills are presumably on you and your husband doesn't appreciate. I will try to proffer you a solution to cut down on your stress: a)Please look for a cheaper school for your children. Paying the school fees of 4 children in these times is not funny for a family. b) I would want you guys to look for a cheap land and start building a house for yourselves that should be ready in the next 18 months from the start of the project. c) Your husband has anger management issues. Don't let it wear you out. He finds it difficult to handle relationships with his parent(s). This will affect his spiritually. 14 Likes |
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by bukatyne(f): 6:44pm On May 02, 2020 |
crackkhaus: Hahahahahaha! |
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by bukatyne(f): 6:46pm On May 02, 2020 |
Saintmary: Unhealthy ego at all is bullshit. With money has its own set of problems. 3 Likes |
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by Nobody: 6:56pm On May 02, 2020 |
Talk to him..just be moderate all this quiteness can be sometimes frustrating,since he doesnt know your mindset...do try to get some saving o ..because feeding six kids and planning their future no be moi moi 2 Likes |
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by faithfull18(f): 6:58pm On May 02, 2020 |
bujebudanu1:Yinmu, they are always good until you are in it. 6 Likes |
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by akaahs(m): 6:58pm On May 02, 2020 |
kestolove95:Just d way ur mother divorced ur father d stupeed man. 4 Likes |
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by bujebudanu1(m): 7:07pm On May 02, 2020 |
faithfull18: I won't change |
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by olabrinks(f): 7:12pm On May 02, 2020 |
Don’t marry for love marry for money. We have been saying this for centuries. Let them call you a goldigger, let them shame you, you will have the last laugh. What is a man, when he doesn’t have money? What can he do for you? What kind of husband will he be, and how can he provide for his future children? What is potiential, everybody in this world has potiential. You need to see monetary proof that he can lead a home. Think with your brain and not your heart, you will avoid many problems. You will grow to love a man who is a stable provider, you will grow out of love with a man who is a stable broke ass. This is not the generation of building with a man, if a man ain’t got money today, he will 90% not have tomorrow. At least when the man gives you problems (which is 100% certain), you will have stability in regards to finances which is One less problem to deal with. A word is enough for the wise. 59 Likes 7 Shares |
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by UyaiIncomparabl(f): 7:12pm On May 02, 2020 |
spartan117: 27 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by Mizwisdom(f): 7:13pm On May 02, 2020 |
95% of Nigerian marriages are going through similar turmoil. Nigerian men are not raised to be good husbands, even you will still raise your son to punish his wife and cling to your Apron. That's what it is here so whatever you see in your marriage, take it like that 30 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by dominique(f): 7:13pm On May 02, 2020 |
Men nag more than women in marriage yet they keep saying it's women that nag. Me, I can't keep apologising for the wrong I did not do, if he wants to carry face, let him carry face. Good thing my ignore game is on point. If you refuse to eat, I stop cooking for you. I may not always talk back but I won't keep quiet all the time because I gats to be submissive. @op A lot of people treat you bad because you let them get away with it. You need to start standing up for yourself. Tell him disagreeing with him does not mean you're disrespecting him. Once a while, remind him of your contributions to the family. Tell him you're ready to live without him if that's what will give you peace of mind. If he's still acting up, park him to one side and face your kids. Start being selfish, put yourself first. let your happiness revolve around yourself and your kids. The moment men see how well you can and will live without them, they tend to sit up. 39 Likes 6 Shares |
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by crackkhaus: 7:18pm On May 02, 2020 |
bukatyne:I knew some people will get it, not surprised you're one of them. ![]() 3 Likes |
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by bukatyne(f): 7:18pm On May 02, 2020 |
crackkhaus: When we say look before you leap in, they act like rabid dogs on several threads. A woman chooses a man: study him, study him, study him. There are markers and strains of behavior: look well. That's why I like Ubunjaa's threads and think every young lady should read them well. That way, when you see his apostles, you jump and pass. These young men that are bad news were mostly trained by their mothers. This now begs the question: if they thought their men bad, why didn't they train their sons to the standard of the ideal man? No, they train their sons same way so that the next set of wives would complain and repeat the same cycle. The men that are gentle would also be mocked for been gentle and exploited. The Nigerian marriage landscape is an enigma. 40 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by bukatyne(f): 7:29pm On May 02, 2020 |
GboyegaD: Nobody likes it. Infact, most humans don't like to apologize for what they did talk more of something not done. Let's look at the OP's situation: 1. She is married to a typical 'Nigerian' husband with ego, entitlement, think they deserve worship, unwilling to invest in the good of the marriage et AL. 2. This particular strain keeps malice whenever there is a misunderstanding (never mind who is wrong) till she apologizes 3. For some reasons, his malice gets to her. 4. She is NOT ready to leave the marriage as at today, nobody knows tomorrow. 5. From points 1 to 4 above, the onus is on her to try and create an atmosphere relatively peaceful because she cannot ignore him. 6. When I say apologize, it is not the heartfelt I realize I am wrong type. It is the sorry, let me rest type. Just how we do 'Bros nor vex, where is the road to the abbattoir' or 'sorry, are you the last on the queue/ is there any one behind you?' In the Scenario above, you are not sorry for anything, it is however an ice breaker. So also her husband starts, it is 'daddy X, abeg no vex, I did not see it that way' or 'I am sorry you felt that way'. You are not even apologizing for what you did however for the way other person feels. We must learn to focus on what we can control and move on. 8 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by MizJaY(f): 7:30pm On May 02, 2020 |
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Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by LordIsaac(m): 7:32pm On May 02, 2020 |
Trust me, something is wrong with your marriage ab initio. However, this is the "for worse" part you said "I do" to that day of your wedding on the altar. I'm sorry, you'd have to live with this cross for a long time. Your husband has a terrible personality flaw called "narcissm". It is only when the Holy Spirit arrests him we can see a different man. Keep praying for him and be patient. Time will take care of somethings. 6 Likes |
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by spartan117(m): 7:35pm On May 02, 2020 |
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Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by akinade28(f): 7:35pm On May 02, 2020 |
Mizwisdom:My sister I agree with your point. They see abnormality as a what makes them the man of the house. Some of them justify their ego, selfishness and inconsideration by saying " our mothers suffered worse from their husband and yet they endured it". But the question is that "did their mother like or enjoy their father's attitude",was their endurance not because of what the society would say and just to provide for their kids. Some of these men are just badly raised but their ego would not them see their wrongdoing or agree with you if you are pointing it out. They just believe they are always right and a wife has nothing good to offer them expect to demand from them and spend their money 11 Likes |
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by COdeGenesis: 7:36pm On May 02, 2020 |
UyaiIncomparabl: Typical AkwaIbom Girl mentality. Lack of good judgement and no sense at all. Dont listen to her. Marriage is about understanding. No one stoped you from saving. You can take out a part of your salary to get some things for yourself and save while reducing other expenses. You know the solution to the problem, just say sorry and let peace rain. I am sure you such an amazing woman, I am much like your husband. I can be rash when situations aint going too well. But there is this babe that understands me and knows how to get me to shake off those things. You need to communicate with your husband and let him know how you feel. Play with the man, be friends together. Nothing can make me keep malice with my wife. My dad has never kept malice with my mum. My mum earns than my dad. My dad is egoistic but with all the money my mum has, she still gives my dad that respect. Please go n talk to your husband as a friend. Let peace rain. Next time dont bring issues about yiur family online and make people insult your husband. Please, i beg you. 4 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by crackkhaus: 7:38pm On May 02, 2020 |
sassysure:These are behaviours which they always had but successfully suppressed. A partner who did not see/notice traces of any of it before it finally erupted, definitely was not paying attention. Being carried away with what's good about a partner/spouse, is the hallmark of an outwardly idealistic person. They will see only what they want to see and can convince themselves that the person they're dating/married to is perfect... If by bad fortune, the person turns out a complete opposite, they will also convince themselves that the person only changed recently. Anything that will keep them from questioning their own judgement is usually the best explanation. There are men who don't have children, or have had life happen to them and their fortunes tumble...yet they did not react or change into something else. I personally know one of each. Who you are is who you are regardless, you may feel the pain and get depressed, but lashing out or taking it out on the next person, is something that's impossible with a person who does not have long-suppressed anger/emotional issues. 18 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by akinade28(f): 7:39pm On May 02, 2020 |
bukatyne:lolz, you are totally on point jare 1 Like |
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by COdeGenesis: 7:42pm On May 02, 2020 |
akinade28:Wrong. Marriage is about understanding and communication. I get pissed off when people talk like this. If your marriage is having a flat tire, fix it. You cant abandon the car. Same man that is bad to you can be good to another woman 2 Likes |
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by crackkhaus: 7:43pm On May 02, 2020 |
bukatyne:Circle of life. I cannot can abeg ![]() 10 Likes |
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by Mizwisdom(f): 7:47pm On May 02, 2020 |
akinade28: True talk. But it's not entirely the man's fault. If a man decides to be nice to his wife, help her do domestic chores, cares for his family and makes the wife happy, if his family member visits and sees what he is doing, he/she will quietly retur to his family to give a report that his wife has bewitched him, she's using remote control for him, she has turned him to mumu, etc. People don't expect men to be good husbands, they'll say he's bewitched. So whoever marries a Nigerian man should know what to expect before entering, that's why I'm telling this sister that what she's going through is what society expects her to go through and it's what she will expect to put her son's wife through, so swallow the bitter bill ![]() 9 Likes |
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by bukatyne(f): 7:48pm On May 02, 2020 |
Dande55: When you are mature enough to comprehend my post, quote me. 4 Likes |
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by bukatyne(f): 7:51pm On May 02, 2020 |
Mizwisdom: Chop kiss jare ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() And you know the amusing part? It is the WOMEN in the husband's family that will raise the dust. 16 Likes |
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by Jullima(f): 7:55pm On May 02, 2020 |
bukatyne:This is such a simplistic view. Women this, women that. lol so a man turning into a bad husband is now not only the fault of the wife is now also fault of the mother who in your world is SOLELY responsible for his upbringing? So when do Nigerian men take responsibility for their behaviour? So you want to tell me a hitler for a husband will not seep into how a child is molded, so when a man beats his wife in front of his children, it doesn’t damage them to think it’s the norm or you have children becoming referees and cleaning up their mother’s wounds. When a man cheats openly without regard for his family or neglects his family for a side chick, you want to tell me the sons are not mopping all this up. You think a son that watches his father treat his mother like dirt is not watching and learning and when the marriage counselors (elders) come, he watches and learns how they tell his mother to endure, “marriage is for better for worse” or blame the mother. Have you not seen fathers usurping the authorities of the mothers in-front of the children and treat the male children like kings... Let’s move away from the home and go to the community, how do you think children are raised? Do you think one person is solely responsible for raising a child? The community, society and culture also raises a child, the child spends more time in the community (school, church.. etc) than he spends at home. At his school, his surroundings, extended family, church/mosque/shrine what he has watched and learned at home is reinforced. He sees it reinforced at family events, in books, on the news, in Nollywood movies.. Children are sponges, they watch, absorb and adapt. It takes a village to raise a child. If you had even typed women that stay in toxic marriages and let their children watch and learn this bad behavior, I would have even agreed small (why women don’t leave is another topic for another thread) but to say women train those men to be this way..... 49 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by Mizwisdom(f): 7:56pm On May 02, 2020 |
bukatyne: Exactly ![]() ![]() 1 Like |
Re: My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? by Ishilove: 7:57pm On May 02, 2020 |
MizJaY:Heh. You really have your work cut out for you. Your husband will NEVER change because he has an ego as big as Olumo rock so you will just have to manage the situation as best as you can. Your mama is right: if you allow high BP kill you, another woman will train your children so better wake up seriously. 7 Likes 1 Share |
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