princessConfy:


I'm working and I do support him. I'm not asking for money for myself. money to buy stuffs for his kitchen. I don't live with him, i dont make money except my salary and it is small. due to this lockdown my expense at home increased. He knows all this. I have never asked him money for myself. He wants me to visit from Monday to Sunday and I work from Monday to Saturday. the least I expect is T.p. cos he invited. I've not gone there on my own without his IV.

nautybride:

Your story is typical for almost every Nigerian family.
The thing is our daily expectations are gradually decreasing because the future of the nation is uncertain, likewise the people in it.
Make sure you do not pregnant again. Do not add more to the challenges. I believe your husband is faustrated too and he doesn't want to be referred to a yeye man.
Yes, start saving, no matter how small. Please endure for each other. It's almost everywhere. Please, kindly apologize to your husband for your own peace of mind. Cut your expenses to what you can afford o. It is well.
Your health is important, take care of yourself for you and your children.

spartan117:

Lol.
Only virtuous women will understand.

spartan117:



First of all I must state that I don't in anyway support the behavior of your husband, but what I'm interested in is your marital bliss.

Having two strong heads in marriage is a recipe for disaster, from what you wrote it seems your husband has a bruised ego, hence his need to constantly remind you that he is the boss(this is wrong). However the solution to this is not to withdraw or nag him, you need to be the mature one of the two at this point.


If what you really want is for your marriage to blossom then put pride aside and do this:

Firstly you need to get your groove back! Start dressing nice and gain back your beauty. Having a family of six is no excuse, there are people who have gone through worse and still remained beautiful with the little they had. And always wear a smile.

Secondly never argue with him, if he keeps nagging you being unappreciative, just sincerely apologize and remain calm.

When he comes back from work, hug him, kiss him, ask him how was his day. When you wake up in the morning, greet him, call him sweet names like honey,sugar etc.

Always take his side in any argument he has with anyone in public. In private you can respectfully advice him.

When you want to serve him food, go down on your knees and serve him, try to do this not only in private but in front of his friends or visitors nothing else will endear a man to a woman than this.

. ..the list goes on and on, but I trust that you get the gist by now. What I'm simply trying to say in one sentence is Show him love. Love conquers all.

Finally and most importantly, get close to Jesus, he's the only one who can heal a broken home. You need to develop a personal relationship with the holy spirit, if you have this relationship ]every other relationship in your life will be blissful.

I will recommende these two books to you written by Pastor Yonggi Cho and Pastor Benny Hinn. They will help you build a relationship with the holy spirit, and they are available in all Christian bookstores nationwide.
Shalom

ImaIma1:


Cheap blackmail.

Being virtuous doesn't mean being a doormat.

TheArchangel:
The oldest bullshit in the book.

spartan117:



There is great power in submission. When a man knows that you respect and submit to him, he will love you and be willing to do anything for you. Learn from Queen Esther of the Bible, she was a virtuous woman.

realtalk19:
Your husband is cold blooded narcissist, manipulator, pretender, egoistic, troublesome and immatured man.

I once knew someone with his kind of attitude and believe me no matter how calm,quiet and peaceful you try to be,it fuels his attitude more and will keep frustrating you till you break and loose your self worth,then you fall into depression and then you start looking for a way of escape but what keeps holding you back is how to start a fresh with 4 kids to take care of and no funds. It's not going to be easy at all especially with four kids except you are financially loaded.

You are the only one that can put a stop to all these. U may need to take a break and change environment so you can recover your sanity.

It is well with you.

There are still good,responsible,loving, caring and God fearing men out there . It only takes God's grace and Devine favor to end up with them. Most of them are also in the hands of a crazy, cold hearted woman who don't know the value of what they have and take them for granted.

May God help us all.

MizJaY:


U hit d nail on d head. A BROKE MAN WITH EGO. That's my husband.

spartan117:

Of course not.

There is great power in submission. When a man knows that you respect and submit to him, he will love you and be willing to do anything for you. Learn from Queen Esther of the Bible, she was a virtuous woman.

spartan117:

Consider this:

ImaIma1:


Submission has never meant apologising for his own wrong plus yours.

Do you know that it takes two people (husband and wife) to make sure their marriage works? It is not the burden of the woman alone.

Many of you women use the "virtuous" woman mantra to limit yourselves and take a truckload of nonsense form your men who are supposed to love you like Christ loves the church.

Do you demand love from your husband? Or you only submit and submit until you become a shadow of yourself?

Read Esther chapter 8, submission wasn't the only theme. There was love and respect from the king.

TheArchangel:
There is a different between what Nigerians sees as submission and what submission really means.

Nigerian submission is to be a door mat devoid of any reasoning and self-esteem to your husband, his friends and his family.

Nigerian version of love your wife as Christ loved the church is to be generous to her, her family and her whole village.
Erroneous on all ramifications.
These traditional scenario used to work back in the day but not anymore, because our society is so confused, especially after infusing western marriage lifestyles to ours.

You want a western lifestyle and still talk about submission? Ain't you confused?
You want a wife that will not talk back at you, contribute 100% financially and still do all the chores...who you still lay down the submission rules to follow.? That's craziness raised to power x or something.?

spartan117:

All you have said is very correct, it takes two to make a marriage work.

However the reality we face today is that many husbands in some homes are immature very stubborn and egotistical. My initial comment which you quoted wasn't directed to them, their own matter is for another day.

Back to the topic, the op mentioned that her husband has been displaying some of the characters I mentioned above hence my response was directed to her and not her husband, also my response below is directed to the female folk alone not men.

Having two strong heads in a relationship is never going to work! Now that your husband has decided to remain immature what will you do? Will you nag him to death or abuse him? How will that help your marriage.

You don't demand love from your husband if you feel he has absconded from this responsibility, you show him love and honour. I'll repeat this again love conquers all things Jesus Christ is the perfect example:

Romans 5:8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.


Christ didn't wait for us to love him before he loved us. Even while we (his bride) were living in sin he loved us. This is the love that makes us accept Christ and today many have even died because they refused to denounce him. It's all about love.

A virtuous woman is one that respects, honours and loves her husband not because of his actions, but because of the love of Christ in her heart.

I'm a man and I respect women, and I honour virtuous women. Marriage certainly is not an achievement, but marrying a virtuous woman is certainly one of the greatest achievements a man can ever attain.

Proverbs 31:10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

crackkhaus:

- You don't visit him on your own without his invitation
- He wants you to visit everyday of the week, probably to do nothing else but have sex.
- The money you need is to buy stuff for his own kitchen.

See, break up with this guy and dey your dey.

You will marry him once he shows you ring, then come on Nairaland after 5years to tell people how he changed after marriage.

spartan117:

All you have said is very correct, it takes two to make a marriage work.

However the reality we face today is that many husbands in some homes are immature very stubborn and egotistical. My initial comment which you quoted wasn't directed to them, their own matter is for another day.

Back to the topic, the op mentioned that her husband has been displaying some of the characters I mentioned above hence my response was directed to her and not her husband, also my response below is directed to the female folk alone not men.

Having two strong heads in a relationship is never going to work! Now that your husband has decided to remain immature what will you do? Will you nag him to death or abuse him? How will that help your marriage.

You don't demand love from your husband if you feel he has absconded from this responsibility, you show him love and honour. I'll repeat this again love conquers all things Jesus Christ is the perfect example:

Romans 5:8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.


Christ didn't wait for us to love him before he loved us. Even while we (his bride) were living in sin he loved us. This is the love that makes us accept Christ and today many have even died because they refused to denounce him. It's all about love.

A virtuous woman is one that respects, honours and loves her husband not because of his actions, but because of the love of Christ in her heart.

I'm a man and I respect women, and I honour virtuous women. Marriage certainly is not an achievement, but marrying a virtuous woman is certainly one of the greatest achievements a man can ever attain.

Proverbs 31:10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

ImaIma1:


So it is ok to allow the man to be immature, stubborn and egoistic. But the woman has to be the Miss goody two shoes. A man has a big responsibility in marriage and he cannot be encouraged when he fails in that responsibility.

You say love conquers all. From who? The woman alone?

Marriage is mutual...between two people. It's not only the woman that takes vows. It's two of them. So they owe each other. A husband should also be held accountable. He is not immune to being held accountable for his actions.

That's why husbands bully their wives...because the wives don't know what they are entitled to as wives.

YemyTemmy:


Permit me to say it the way it is. You didn't choose wrong, and you have all it takes to enjoy your marriage.
Take note of these few points. We are all humans, and we are what we are not matter who we are ( I hope you understand that code).
Love is not enough for marriage
From your submission here, I sensed a little pride( mentioning your parents got him the job yadayada!! Are you God, are your parents God!!!!??) It shows you mock him once in a while with that, in your words, actions , deed or body language. Also let me tell you this, intelligence in a woman is an attractive package. It's obvious he wants you to develop, read more and be well versed in a lot of things then engage him with intelligent conversation. Pls the home belongs to you. Win your man back, get more wisdom from the book of proverbs, meditate, reflect and act on it.
You husband didn't do well, he is a ponmo man, in this present age keeping malice is a turn off. He should man up and say his mind and what he doesn't like. If he is hiding his own money or not making effort to increase his income with side hustle, that is not fair too. I think what you both should centre your gist upon is how you can build side hustle to make more money. Kim Kardashian na woman too.
So be the Kim to your hubby, speak to him, apologies and engage more with intelligent and more talks and act on how you both can make more money. Your are there to assist one another and not to count scores who got job for one another. In marriage one has to be goat, the other sheep to make it work. Two goats cannot marry neither can a union of two sheeps work.
Compliments one another, make money together... Don't reason moving out even If you have the money unless for domestic violence case.
I wish you well. Stay blessed

folake4u:
Cc yettymuse


God help you really. Hmmm marriage matter ehn!

mrblessed:
How dare you use the word "narcissist" in your post? Can't you find another synonym to use? Don't you know that the usage of that word is strictly reserved for the invincible captain of "Men are Scum" FC. Be warned!

GboyegaD:


The guy isn't going g to have fun if the wife needs be so careful around him. I don't know if I want to blame it on not too good an upbringing or just a self esteem issue because marriage doesn't mean one should coarse the other party. Whilst I agree as a man he needs to show direction which sometimes might classify him as a Nigerian husband however, on most things one should relax.

princessConfy:
seeing this post frightens me more. my relationship of 5 months is giving me headache. he said he can't give me money except I ask. I've tried to explain to him that I'm not good in asking and I don't ask because he said his ex gf used to be too demanding. now I don't know if I ask small he may think I'm pretending if I ask big he may think I'm too demanding. He will ask me to visit and when I want to leave he'll wait till we are almost at the junction before he will ask if I have T.p. anytime we have an argument he will threatened our relationship...
I don tire... cos I don't know if I should continue or quit.. relationship wahala

bukatyne:


I was responding to the initial post and erased it.

Toor.

Nairaland will be available in 5 years.

bukatyne:


Unhealthy ego at all is bullshit.

With money has its own set of problems.

princessConfy:
seeing this post frightens me more. my relationship of 5 months is giving me headache. he said he can't give me money except I ask. I've tried to explain to him that I'm not good in asking and I don't ask because he said his ex gf used to be too demanding. now I don't know if I ask small he may think I'm pretending if I ask big he may think I'm too demanding. He will ask me to visit and when I want to leave he'll wait till we are almost at the junction before he will ask if I have T.p. anytime we have an argument he will threatened our relationship...
I don tire... cos I don't know if I should continue or quit.. relationship wahala

olabrinks:
Don’t marry for love marry for money. We have been saying this for centuries. Let them call you a goldigger, let them shame you, you will have the last laugh. What is a man, when he doesn’t have money? What can he do for you? What kind of husband will he be, and how can he provide for his future children? What is potiential, everybody in this world has potiential. You need to see monetary proof that he can lead a home. Think with your brain and not your heart, you will avoid many problems. You will grow to love a man who is a stable provider, you will grow out of love with a man who is a stable broke ass. This is not the generation of building with a man, if a man ain’t got money today, he will 90% not have tomorrow. At least when the man gives you problems (which is 100% certain), you will have stability in regards to finances which is One less problem to deal with. A word is enough for the wise.

UyaiIncomparabl:





Oga, abeg no vex. Na you I follow yan? No mai enter you ooo. I believe that this is a public fora, so everyone's opinions should be highly respected. So, I should've advised her otherwise abi? Or you expected to read - serve him his meal while kneeling, eulogize him when he cusses you to the high heavens, stroke his back even at her own discomfort. Chaiiiiii! . Men. Una no go kee pelzin.

MizjaY, read me wellaaaaaa! Save ruggedly and radically, when time reach and you see say him never still geh sense, ruuuuunnn oo. Don't listen to any other contrary advice. Your husband needs to learn anger management and as well learn to suppress his ego. Person wey no get suppose humble.

I repeat, ladies, marry who get sense, come sabi road on top.