frozen70:


Thanks for the acknowledgement

No one should put anyone through emotional torture in the name of marriage

You see those women here supporting nonsense from their fellow women, they are yet to experience the content in the cookie jar inside marriage

God bless you!!!

MSEdLAW:



God bless you!!!

Your wife is an evil monster that should be treated as trash and neglected forever and let her fuvk off. Keep managing till you die of HBP and am sure she’s even waiting for that. If you have her name as your next of kin change it, if it’s a joint account remove her name from it, anything joint this joint that remove her name from it, stop begging and crying, I even hate it when a woman cry’s and begs me because I find it irritating, since the first time you started crying and begging like a little child she took advantage of you, what you don’t know is that women hate men that cry and beg, it was my own mother that told me this. Stop prostrating before a woman, stop kneeling and begging a woman, I swear that thing is irritating like shiit. My advice to you is to just end this evil marriage, you said you developed HPB and you are still managing. A man did the same in my area and he died while driving his in car, the woman he left behind is sleeping around like a dog now. Separate from this evil witch you call a wife, let her be since it’s glaring she doesn’t love you anymore, focus on yourself and your health, go to the gym, eat healthy, make enough female friends and am not saying you should start sleeping around but if you find a woman around, hang out with your friends and families. About her birthday fuvk her day and May she burn in Hell. Any man that treats a woman like egg bet it they don’t appreciate and am sure she’s even cheating on you with a real man that’s she no send you. You need to start acting like a real man bro. Woman hate simple men, men that are too nice but if we keep telling men they say women are golden, women are eggs bla bla bla, Free that demon you called a wife, she deserves no mercy. Don’t listen to those people telling you to manage her like that bla bla bla, I can bet she won’t change and you will keep doing the same thing over and over till you die of HPB. Bro she’s not the only woman in the world o, there are still good women out there o. A word is enough for the wise.

Wow! I tried visualizing what ur going thru in ur marriage and sincerely i felt very bad. If all u wrote on here is true, then its very unnecessary to remind you of how u got here. I feel ur yet to accept the reality of the kind of marriage ur in. Your idea of how a marriage ought to be isnt what ur seeing and ur very disappointed. This rubs off on how u handle issues with ur wife. Bros, wake up n face it! For me, i think uv got 2 options:
1. Acceptance and Admittance and i mean it really. Accept ur wife and admit the reality of ur marriage. If twas the other way round, women would normally advise the woman to focus on her children n make herself happy. Same applies to u bro. Focus more on urself and d kids after all ur literally catering for urself in ur house. Expect less from ur wife so u dnt get disappointed all the time. Tho u ddnt say anytin abt the sex part, but ask for it if u want, if she accedes - cool! And if she wants u, don't deny her too.

2. Separation: This option is abit more financially expensive. I suggest u get a small place to stay away for a while while you show up to check on the kids and supply their needs. You have to be quite strong to try this tho cos u myt end up missing ur family esp the kids. This shld be a very strong msg to ur wife and if it works that she adjusts from her ways, then great, if it doesn't, you know the last option.

God be with you and your family!

asapeola:
Wow! I tried visualizing what ur going thru in ur marriage and sincerely i felt very bad. If all u wrote on here is true, then its very unnecessary to remind you of how u got here. I feel ur yet to accept the reality of the kind of marriage ur in. Your idea of how a marriage ought to be isnt what ur seeing and ur very disappointed. This rubs off on how u handle issues with ur wife. Bros, wake up n face it! For me, i think uv got 2 options:
1. Acceptance and Admittance and i mean it really. Accept ur wife and admit the reality of ur marriage. If twas the other way round, women would normally advise the woman to focus on her children n make herself happy. Same applies to u bro. Focus more on urself and d kids after all ur literally catering for urself in ur house. Expect less from ur wife so u dnt get disappointed all the time. Tho u ddnt say anytin abt the sex part, but ask for it if u want, if she accedes - cool! And if she wants u, don't deny her too.

2. Separation: This option is abit more financially expensive. I suggest u get a small place to stay away for a while while you show up to check on the kids and supply their needs. You have to be quite strong to try this tho cos u myt end up missing ur family esp the kids. This shld be a very strong msg to ur wife and if it works that she adjusts from her ways, then great, if it doesn't, you know the last option.

God be with you and your family!

In as much as your advise is good but the number 1 is out of it bro, the guy is emotional drained and he also needs love and care, he has been managing and even developed HBP, let the guy separate but I can bet my balls that the woman won’t change since it’s obvious he knew before hand what he’s sticking his head into that’s why he went to meet a false prophet to talk to her before marriage, the man thinks he can’t find another woman aside her that’s why he keeps begging and crying before a woman. Let him just free that demon.

@OP

Let me believe that you are not the instigator of her sociopathic attitude, because her attitude depicts that of a woman who has resolved to withdraw her submission after being taken for granted for too long - you have a sociopath-like woman on your hands now. The kind of woman not to be taken for granted remains a submissive woman - the contentious and servile/frenemy ones are very easy to put in their places despite their crassness and disingenuousness, respectively. If you have not been both conscientious and altruistic towards her all this while, retrace your step, because a submissive/good woman deserves all the love/goodness in this world from her husband. 

Meanwhile, let me assume that you are truly married to an unconscientious woman who does not have altruistic interest in you - the worst mistake a man who values the sanctity of marriage can ever make - by extension, you are dealing with a sociopath-like woman. Well, you have been an enabler of her toxic attitude towards you in the marriage so far because you have a weak defense esteem. Connotation of your submission shows that you are under her emotional grip, the effect of stockholm syndrome after using servility to sustain a relationship for too long is this powerful. It is time for you to squash the emotion and extricate yourself from her grip and entanglement. 

You have to start treating her like a sociopath-like woman; you can achieve this feat by making a conscious decision to win through either a dishonorable means or lose through a honorable means - there's no shame in both ways because she will be the dishonorable loser, regardless of the route you choose, provided that you execute it well. The ball is in your court. If you are discerning and ready to regain your sanity and gain authority - leadership of the house has never been in your hold -  you should know what to do from here. If you execute it perfectly, she will either sit up like a submissive/virtuous woman or walk out of the marriage in shame.

LordKO:
@OP

Let me believe that you are not the instigator of her sociopathic attitude, because her attitude depicts that of a woman who has resolved to withdraw her submission after being taken for granted for too long - you have a sociopath-like woman in your hand now. The worst kind of woman to take for granted remains a submissive woman - the contentious and servile/frenemy ones are very easy to put in their places despite their crassness and disingenuousness, respectively. If you have not been both conscientious and altruistic towards her all this while, retrace your step, because a good woman deserves all the love/goodness in this world from her husband. 

Meanwhile, let me assume that you are truly married to an unconscientious woman who does not have altruistic interest in you - the worst mistake a man who values the sanctity of marriage can ever make - by extension, you are dealing with a sociopath-like woman. Well, you have been an enabler of her toxic attitude towards you in the marriage so far because you have a weak defense esteem, connotation of your submission shows that you are under her emotional grip, the effect of stockholhm syndrome after using servility to sustain a relationship for too long is this powerful. It is time for you to squash the emotion and extricate yourself from her grip and entanglement. 

You have to start treating her like a sociopath-like woman; you can achieve this feat by making a conscious decision to win through either a dishonorable means or lose through a honorable means - there's no shame in both ways because she will be the dishonorable loser, regardless of the route you choose, provided that you execute, it well. The ball is in your court. If you are discerning and ready to regain your sanity and gain authority - leadership of the house has never been in your hold -  you should know what to do from here. If you execute it perfectly, she will either set up like a submissive/virtuous woman or walk out of the marriage in shame.

Bro you are telling a simp to start forming hard guy just like that, it’s just like telling an introvert to start acting like an extrovert, it’s not going to be an easy day job. Like you said he caused all these himself, firstly taking the woman to a false prophet, kneeling, prostrating before a woman, crying like a baby before a woman. I don’t know why I find those things irritating as a man. I can bet that all these things you listed the man don’t have the mind because he sees the woman as a diamond, gold that shouldn’t be tampered with. I am sure he won’t be able to do it. He doesn’t have that mind because he’s a weak man.

Since the Lord the did not put together, I hereby put Asunder.

You are free to go.

Hold it, wait, you are hereby ordered to pay part of school fees or whole.

To further provide maintenance and support for your children.

Custody of the children shall be in 50/50 possession

Are there any other matters? I Rise

I will talk about the birthday cos I'm in her category too
At a point, I started writing dates down on a reminder

As for oga, he is used to it
Every year, I will say I will change but tuah, same old me.

If I even say happy birthday that day, I have tried so much.

I do buy gifts and do some special celebrations my way.
Don't just put a date on it. I don't like that. I can do that for kids but adults, I don't see the reason I should be celebrating birthdays when I celebrate you everyday through one way or the order.
Once my spouse noticed that even after planning birthdays for me, I am more happy with the random surprises he throw my way, he don't bother again.

You should have taken that gift.
That is how to win a stronghead like that over.
U just sucked like a kid.

noakchukibadan:
It was not just one occasion my dear, year after year.

I can't remember how many times I have said happy birthday to......too.
So he should kill me na

There was one I remembered after two weeks.
Man just weak.
One I remembered the wrong date.

Guy is very sensitive and emotional. He married the wrong woman. When we allow prikk and pu to do the thinking and maths before marriage instead of brain.

And he now handed the gold plate to her by always showing his vulnerability.
Ignore her completely and do things your way, she will come crawling. She is still like that because she has so much effect on him. Who knows, he also beg for sex always too.

Every domineering and abusive person love attention. Deny them that and they will become powerless.

Oga @op, this world is cruel. Never wear your heart on your sleeve else it will be crushed. It's already crushed but u can still tuck it in.

MSEdLAW:



EMOTIONAL ABUSE is a formidable ground for divorce ... emotional abuse is deadlier than domestic abuse don’t be deceived ... Sticks and stones may break ones bones but Ill-words and attitude is a silent painful killer that destroys ones heart!!!

I agree with you that emotional abuse can be deadly and withers someone's spirit which was why I gave him advice to maintain his spirit.

nams77:

I always like your position. Unbiased. Another lady up there is saying the man should continue to bear until he drops dead abi?
I always advocate hearing both side of the story though
I have come to discover that when a woman is in the wrong, women in this forum tend to gloss over the issue and tell the man to suck it up, but if the reverse is the case, they will bare their fangs and go on the attack!
Cc bukatyne

I don't understand what my moniker is doing in your post.

andyanders:


Bukatyne, that is life 4 everyone. No two perfect people and if it's not working out, one got to take a walk. It's not by force.

If it is not working out, I like both parties to dig deep to see how to turn things are especially when the 'bad' partner was always like that.

bukatyne:


I agree with you that emotional abuse can be deadly and withers someone's spirit which was why I gave him advice to maintain his spirit.

He is very emotional that's why I feel for him else, he would have corrected this long ago.

Compatibility is important in marriage.

Acme45:
if he's your brother you will advice him to die there

The advise I give people here are the same I would give to my family under similar situations.

I am just be more empathetic doing something to make the decision easier or more achievable.

I don't just give baseless advices.

sassysure:



He is very emotional that's why I feel for him else, he would have corrected this long ago.


Compatibility is important in marriage.

Compatibility and compromise is indeed important.

[quote author=noakchukibadan post=89152942]. Well, thanks for the advice, maybe I forgot to say that she places huge importance on birthdays, for her I must throw a party, every year for 7 years, and she can not even remember mine. Just to say happy birthday :
You can't be expecting much or to be done to the way you do to her because she is a woman and a sheep while you're the Shepherd ( the head),a Shepherd is incharge of his flock and do many sacrifice s for them and don't hope in return to get any sacrifice from his flock,so my dear don't pluck much in some many thing even is not returned to you bcs you're d man and the head of that family, you have a lot of sacrifice to make so that it can move perfectly,remove comparison be man you're.

MSEdLAW:



God bless you!!!

Thanks and bless you too

Go back to that uncle pastor that joined you, tell him your package refuse to change. People pretend before marriage and change in marriage, but yours showed herself but you decided to enter. Secondary, kindly move out of the house if it is a rented apartment, if you built it, tell her to leave while you keep praying from a distance. It's better to live in a roof top than to put fire under your bosom. Get your sanity back, may be she might start reasoning well. Emotional abuse is horrible. Her parents are begging because they know the truth.

For your peace of mind and longer years, just walk away bro.

Do everything you have to do in support of d family but walk away from being in emotional relationship with her.

Life no get duplicate.

OKOATA:
In as much as your advise is good but the number 1 is out of it bro, the guy is emotional drained and he also needs love and care, he has been managing and even developed HBP, let the guy separate but I can bet my balls that the woman won’t change since it’s obvious he knew before hand what he’s sticking his head into that’s why he went to meet a false prophet to talk to her before marriage, the man thinks he can’t find another woman aside her that’s why he keeps begging and crying before a woman. Let him just free that demon.

Bros u dey vex oo ! I think we shld also appreciate the fact that this is still a one-sided story, hence we shld be abit moderate in our judgements. U rightly said the man is a "simp" but its also obvious from his story that he's a family-rooted man who wants to enjoy his marriage. Asking him to leave the woman might be too extreme for now, that's y i suggested temporary separation if he really cant cope in his current house.

After all said n done, na d man no where d shoe dey tight am. His happiness n health is paramount.

noakchukibadan:
Hello,
Please no ethnic banters. One of us is from Ekiti, and the other is from Benue. I am married for 8 years with 2 kids. It has been one problem to another. I must be very frank, before marriage, my wife had many very questionable characters, but unfortunately we did the marriage counseling in a church were the pastor happened to be her family member,many of the issues would have been resolved, but when I raised those issues about her character the pastor promised me that everything will be fine after the marriage, although this is not an excuse, but looking back now I would have been more patient and taken my decision myself instead of rushing into the marriage. For this I HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE
There is hardly nothing we do not quarrel about, I have always been the one to initiate settlement. The only way I ensure that there is peace in the house is for me not to complain about anything. Even at that, there is always trouble. If the children does anything wrong, she always those characters the children are exhibiting are not from her and that she is not surprised that they inherited such characters from me.
She can go for months without we talking to me, even if I tried to, I have done all I could do, i have begged, cried prayed . I just feel tired and exhausted from trying to make the marriage work or have peace in the home, the sad part is that she often reminds me every time there is misunderstanding that I should remember that she can stay on her own without talking to any body. Just to add, she is very prayerful.

OTHER INFORMATION.
1. I can say conveniently that their is no money problem at home. Finance is okay.
2. I went to see her father 2 years ago the man said unfortunately he can not do anything . This is true because she was raised away from her Father, she has no contact with any of her fathers family and her father has a zero say in her life.
3. she has 5 elders ones, non of them is in communication with her because of many unresolved issues. Of her 3 younger ones she only maintains a relationship with the last boy who is just 14 years. .
4. Her mum can not talk to her because she simply dare not. However, behind, her mother use to beg me and she kept saying she understands her daughter's character and that she is doing her best by praying and doing deliverance for her.
5. She is not in contact with her maternal uncles and aunt because she said they supported her elder ones when she had problem with them.

So I am stuck with no one to help call the both of us and resolve the issue.

Every year for 5 straight years , she always forgets my birthday, last year, she forgot also, three days later, she bought me a present and I refused to collect the present and I asked her why does she keep forgetting my birthday, year after year for 5 years. She just said sorry, but I left the present in the room, she never came bother to bring the present to me. Another birthday was gone yesterday 2nd May , and as I write, no happy birthday yet.

I literally cook for myself, and all domestic things I do for myself.

I will end this by saying that in fairness to her, her character was not too different before the marriage and courtship, sincerely only once, that was like one year before the marriage I broke up with her, she came to apologize and promised that she will change. Her mother also came to apologize to me also.
This woman has refused to change or allow peace to hold sway, she is right every time, while everybody around is wrong. Sincerely, I do not know what to do anymore.
I am tired and exhausted. I do not know what to do anymore. I am 42, I was diagnosed of her blood pressure 2 years ago.

Lol

Any marriage that will give u BP will surely kill in no distance time...

Oga,pls leave that woman for now and regain ur sanity and health back.

And sorry for all what u are going true.

@OP it is what is is!

At this juncture you have to be more logical that emotional.

Since “this is your defining moment” I want to to ask God for direction on the next steps.

Write down (so you can clearly see it) her bad and good parts in clear and concise words. For eg she doesn’t keep the house clean

After this exercise decide if the bad outweighs the good

See if you can geninuely move on from what has gone wrong so far especially knowing that your won shortcomings may have led to this point in the marriage


Only you can decide if you can stay or should leave.

Consider what then may happen to the children -emotionally and otherwise

Your next decisions will make or mar you so tread carefully !

Good luck

LordKO:
@OP

Let me believe that you are not the instigator of her sociopathic attitude, because her attitude depicts that of a woman who has resolved to withdraw her submission after being taken for granted for too long - you have a sociopath-like woman on your hands now. The worst kind of woman to take for granted remains a submissive woman - the contentious and servile/frenemy ones are very easy to put in their places despite their crassness and disingenuousness, respectively. If you have not been both conscientious and altruistic towards her all this while, retrace your step, because a submissive/good woman deserves all the love/goodness in this world from her husband. 

Meanwhile, let me assume that you are truly married to an unconscientious woman who does not have altruistic interest in you - the worst mistake a man who values the sanctity of marriage can ever make - by extension, you are dealing with a sociopath-like woman. Well, you have been an enabler of her toxic attitude towards you in the marriage so far because you have a weak defense esteem. Connotation of your submission shows that you are under her emotional grip, the effect of stockholm syndrome after using servility to sustain a relationship for too long is this powerful. It is time for you to squash the emotion and extricate yourself from her grip and entanglement. 

You have to start treating her like a sociopath-like woman; you can achieve this feat by making a conscious decision to win through either a dishonorable means or lose through a honorable means - there's no shame in both ways because she will be the dishonorable loser, regardless of the route you choose, provided that you execute it well. The ball is in your court. If you are discerning and ready to regain your sanity and gain authority - leadership of the house has never been in your hold -  you should know what to do from here. If you execute it perfectly, she will either sit up like a submissive/virtuous woman or walk out of the marriage in shame.

I hadn't finished reading through before liking your writeup.
You impress me every time.
Are you a psychologist? You seem to know so much...

You married a narcissist. Help urself by reading online about narcissistic personality disorder. I've been there. What u described is a replica of my ex wife..they feel as if they are doing u a favour being married to you.dont deceive urself hoping she will change. They dont! The unfortunate thing is that narcissists dont know that their actions are evil. They think they are always right.

My advice for you is this
1) Modify your Story Title to something like "My Prayerful Wife Has Refused To Change For Over 8 years of Marriage. I'm Finally Done".
You will get more views and comments and probably your post will moved to front page. That will get it more publicity for helpful comments.

2) Use your wisdom Bro. You can't teach an old dog new tricks. You can't change an adult.

But wait o " Didnt marriage vows say "For better...For Worse"...hmmm...

3) She needs a Competition...if u know what I mean.

hinere:
My advice for you is this
1) Modify your Story Title to something like "My Prayerful Wife Has Refused To Change For Over 8 years of Marriage. I'm Finally Done".
You will get more views and comments and probably your post will moved to front page. That will get it more publicity for helpful comments.

2) Use your wisdom Bro. You can't teach an old dog new tricks. You can't change an adult.

But wait o " Didnt marriage vows say "For better...For Worse"...hmmm...

3) She needs a Competition...if u know what I mean.

you took the words out if NY mouth She really needs a competition

Mariangeles:


I hadn't finished reading through before liking your writeup.
You impress me every time.
Are you a psychologist? You seem to know so much...

Ọ dị ka ị nyere spambot ihe iri ngo, o wepụrụ azịza m nye gị ụnyaahụ ma machibido m iwu. LOL.

No, at least not formally. I'm, however, seasoned because it's part of my hobby and part of few other innate things that I passively practice. . .  . I don't think that I know so much though.

LordKO:
@OP

Let me believe that you are not the instigator of her sociopathic attitude, because her attitude depicts that of a woman who has resolved to withdraw her submission after being taken for granted for too long - you have a sociopath-like woman on your hands now. The kind of woman not to be taken for granted remains a submissive woman - the contentious and servile/frenemy ones are very easy to put in their places despite their crassness and disingenuousness, respectively. If you have not been both conscientious and altruistic towards her all this while, retrace your step, because a submissive/good woman deserves all the love/goodness in this world from her husband. 

Meanwhile, let me assume that you are truly married to an unconscientious woman who does not have altruistic interest in you - the worst mistake a man who values the sanctity of marriage can ever make - by extension, you are dealing with a sociopath-like woman. Well, you have been an enabler of her toxic attitude towards you in the marriage so far because you have a weak defense esteem. Connotation of your submission shows that you are under her emotional grip, the effect of stockholm syndrome after using servility to sustain a relationship for too long is this powerful. It is time for you to squash the emotion and extricate yourself from her grip and entanglement. 

You have to start treating her like a sociopath-like woman; you can achieve this feat by making a conscious decision to win through either a dishonorable means or lose through a honorable means - there's no shame in both ways because she will be the dishonorable loser, regardless of the route you choose, provided that you execute it well. The ball is in your court. If you are discerning and ready to regain your sanity and gain authority - leadership of the house has never been in your hold -  you should know what to do from here. If you execute it perfectly, she will either sit up like a submissive/virtuous woman or walk out of the marriage in shame.

This guy you never change...

OKOATA:
Bro you are telling a simp so start forming hard guy just like that, it’s just like telling an introvert to start acting like an extrovert, it’s not going to be an easy day job. Like you said he caused all these himself, firstly taking the woman to a false prophet, kneeling, prostrating before a woman, crying like a baby before a woman. I don’t know why I find those things irritating as a man. I can bet that all these things you listed the man don’t have the mind because he sees the woman as a diamond, gold that shouldn’t be tampered with. I am sure he won’t be able to do it. He doesn’t have that mind because he’s a weak man.

Everything that irritated you, Man, in the bolded part of your post? Absolutely made my skin crawl. Irritation is a benign feeling compared to what I felt at reading that. I am Woman myself.
He is a very weak man. His wife is also very weak for being with someone she clearly can’t stand. I give up.