izzou:
If you, or any of your siblings have a place of their own, just jejely carry your mother and leave that place

Lekan239:
the only place I have is my room in school, I have told her severely that she should leave, even if it's staying with me in school, I don't know maybe she's afraid of starting afresh, she's is recovering now and the lockdown is still the only issue keeping me in this House

Welcomme:
Take your mum back to the village. You guys should gather money for her let her start a petty trade. Don't allow the irresponsible father of yours to know all the moves you are taking.

izzou:


Your mother has only one life to live

Save her from herself. Look for somewhere to take her to....relatives, her family, village. Just take her somewhere

Your father doesn't care about her anymore. And the worst decision to take is clinging to someone that doesn't care about you

Na your hand e dey bros

crackkhaus:
People like your father always get their due when the time comes. I don't believe any of you can do anything to change him because he is a middle-aged man who is already set in his ways.
Something miraculous needs to happen which will cause him to look inwards and retraces his steps, otherwise his path is set before him.

Your only priority now should be for your mother's wellbeing...so if you can keep convincing her to create some space, then keep doing that.
Ultimately, it's going to be her decision to either remain in the situation or move away for some peace of mind.

donbachi:
Him go dey follow rivers men dey live choppingson life..forget sey almost of dem papa leave house or land for dem and also 1 chairman somewhere wey dey show dem love.

Lekan239:
he has nothing, just doing big man with nothing. There's a state university in my village and everywhere is booming, there is land. But my dad does not care about everything. Truthfully he could possibly sell some plot and put his life back together. But he chooses to be forming big and lazy man in ph

Lekan239:
My parents got married 27years ago, since then it has been hell for my mom. It's has if my mom was forced on him or did the love just seized to exit, this I need advice on from my brothers and sisters here on what to do next.

It all began in 1993, two years later I was born(1995), then we reside in Lagos but my dad later moved to pH in search of greener pastures. He only come back home(Lagos) ones a while. My mom tried all her best to cater for her kids during all those period with no help or whatsoever coming from my Dad,it wasn't easy at all.

Fast forward to early 2003, my dad came visiting after two years without hearing from him and then my mom decided we are going with him to pH, he opposed but my mom Insisted. To cut the long story short, after we get to pH we found out my dad was living carelessly, womanizing, his social life is zero because he don't drink nor smoke but he lavish all his money outside and Care less about his family. My mom strive and engage in little business which we managed to survive on, my dad only comes home when he is Short of money and acted low and submissive but as soon as he got some money, he changed immediately. So 2010 I left pH to the village,w writing waec, looking for admission and so on, later going to lag to hustle around 2013 as I'm the one to foot my education expenses, 2015 I gained admission in a polytechnic, after my OND in 2017 I went back to lag to begin the hustle as I have to further my education, all this period I did not visit my family in Port Harcourt. I went back for HND in 2018 but had to withdraw because of lack of funds, I went back again in 2019 because a family member advised he will foot the bills which he later didn't do.

So because of this covid 19 I visited my parents in pH my mom was very ill, she can't move nor stand and she has been the one taking care of the family my father inclusive. My father has been a lazy man who depends solely on his wife for survival. He does not work, he does not stay at home with his sick wife. 6am he will enter the kitchen and eat any food he finds he won't even ask if four of his kids and my mom will eat. He will go and sit down in people's shops around the streets discussing with people's wife's. 10am he will be back home, straight to the kitchen to check if there's any food if my mom had drop money for us to prepare food, he will eat it without even talking to anybody, in fact he owns the kitchen now. He repeat same 2pm, 5pm and night meal also. I'm just so angry right now I don't even know what I am typing again.

After seeing all this behavior i advise my mother to give him some space, she gave birth to four children for him and three of us can survive on our own as we are no longer kids, but she won't obliged it's just as if maybe she is okay with suffering. Today this morning my dad did the most outrageous thing, he woke up and started ranting, saying do my mom think he is not going to be rich later, and he won't stay here forever. I got the message he was passing that he is going to leave my Mom if he stumble upon some money. And I exactly told my mom this statement yesternight too. Please you guys should advise me on what to do because at this junction it hurt me a lot having the knowledge that my mom is with man who don't care nor love are even at her sick bed,he never for once visited the doctor nor the man of God taking care of my Mom.

donbachi:
e be like na ogbunabali axis una dey live.

bukatyne:


What of your mother's siblings?

And have you engaged her why she keeps putting up with your dad? I think you need that answer to intelligently take a step.

TheGreatIYANU:
Just focus on getting your mum into full recovery. Do whatever you must, as far as it is legal and godly.

Dont be ashamed to hustle right now... carry block if you must.

Once she is better you and all your siblings should really round and take her (forcefully if needed) to her peoples place pending when one of you can get a place.

Dont completely abandon your father, cater for him to the best of your ability but ensure your mother is fine.

That should be your sole singular focus right now.

Lekan239:
this is exactly what I've been telling my Mom, but she never listen. She always back the reason why she can't go Is, she can't leave her child(my younger sister 23) years alone in pH. She's has been with our pastor since young age and she is almost through with her studies. 400level in ust

Lekan239:
thanks very much. I'm doing everything in my power and waiting patiently for this lockdown of a thing to be over. My days in school are numbered that I surely know off all I'm just thinking about is getting a petty job which I could engage in after I withdraw. As for my dad, I will follow your advice

Femsyn:
This is a very typical story of many Nigerian homes. Later in the man's old age, when children and wife ignore and treat him like trash, one stranger, in the name of a fiance, who has no idea of their history, will become judgemental and share blames.

Another uncle will encourage other women to endure abuse, just because his own mother barely survived a marriage with an egotistical and insensitive man.

In cases like this, I wonder if women deny their own families, as soon as they get married.

OP, where are your uncles, aunties and grandparents?

Gloriagee:
Sorry about all the negative experiences. I think it should serve as a lesson for you in future on how not to treat your spouse.

I truly don't think you should drop out or you can consider the National Open University route. You can be a lesson teacher, a labourer or a driver. Don't give up!

Welcomme:
You are from which state?

Lekan239:
uncles from my dad's don't Care I.e even if they are okay themselves. Father's mother is in the village sufferin. The only family who is a little bit okay, promise me and abandoned. My mom's family are always ready to help her out, but she won't ask for help, in fact they don't even know what she passing through

Lekan239:
I already have my OND in mechanical engineering, and I'm currently in HND1 but there's no clue on how I could get enough money to pay the remaining bills before exam. Sometimes I still thank God for bringing this corona virus at the right time, if not for the virus exam would have began and I would officially have been a dropout again. Either way I'm always looking forward to what life throws at me. And I'm already planning of the way forward if I eventually dropout. But all I know is that either now or later I will surely complete my education

Lekan239:
yes she said she can't leave my sister alone in ph who has been staying with her pastor for over 16years now. But I did not see that as a valid reason because the said girl will be through with her university education this year. I tell my mom she is old enough to take care of herself. But she won't listen

Femsyn:
This is a very typical story of many Nigerian homes. Later in the man's old age, when children and wife ignore and treat him like trash, one stranger, in the name of a fiance, who has no idea of their history, will become judgmental and share blames.

Another uncle will encourage other women to endure abuse, just because his own mother barely survived a marriage with an egotistical and insensitive man.

How you treat this man later is completely up to you and your siblings, as we all have different tolerance levels, and no one has any right to question your decision. Good or bad. However, I will suggest not to pay evil with evil, as these people have a way of getting hooked in our conscience, especially after they die.

In cases like this, I wonder if women deny their own families, as soon as they get married.

OP, where are your uncles, aunties and grandparents?

bukatyne:


Maybe you NEED to engage her very very well.

A 23yr old girl is NOT a baby and can take good care of herself.

The truth is that UNTIL your mom is 'ready' to get on her feet and say no more, you will keep swimming against the tide and you will later feel very betrayed when she forgets all your efforts and goes back to your dad.

Femsyn:
This is a very typical story of many Nigerian homes. Later in the man's old age, when children and wife ignore and treat him like trash, one stranger, in the name of a fiance, who has no idea of their history, will become judgmental and share blames.

Another uncle will encourage other women to endure abuse, just because his own mother barely survived a marriage with an egotistical and insensitive man.

How you treat this man later is completely up to you and your siblings, as we all have different tolerance levels, and no one has any right to question your decision. Good or bad. However, I will suggest not to pay evil with evil, as these people have a way of getting hooked in our conscience, especially after they die.

In cases like this, I wonder if women deny their own families, as soon as they get married.

OP, where are your uncles, aunties and grandparents?