emmaodet:


Common broda, are you saying the ladies at home are small small girls who neva open eye? why do we think by default anybody at home is unexposed and local? things are not like before you know? some industries back at home opened up people like oil and gas, maritime, IT, a lot of places you can work and earn decent incomes that will warrant you to live a good life and take vacations.
A lot of people are doing fine at home bro. I think it is kind of unfair to think by been abroad you are automatically more exposed than the people in nigeria.
okay, what about guys going to that abroad for vacations, courses and then come back home. Can we categorise them as still unexposed?
Have travelled to so many countries through company and personally yet am at home and someone in abroad cant boast they are more exposed than me, i wont agree with them. On my own, have been to Napoli in italy, UAE and india while with company many more.

Eniolakiite:
Yes

Many Nigerians are embracing the baby daddy and mama thing more

If anyone has observed, Nigerians tend to copy whatever America is doing in most things.

Unemadu:


Nigerians are smart and exposed like you rightly said but tradition and culture keeps most marriages in check. Now the west gives women the freedom to do as they like unlike in Nigeria where stigma is attached to a divorcee and single mama.

Eniolakiite:
Yes
Many Nigerians are embracing the baby daddy and mama thing more
If anyone has observed, Nigerians tend to copy whatever America is doing in most things.

Kobojunkie:

No copying necessary as far as Nigeria is concerned. There have been babymamas and Babydaddy situations from even before I was born, right there in your Nigeria.

Men were free to abandon their marriages after some years to pursue other interests, leaving their women (glorified babymamas since they have marriage certificates) to raise the kids alone on next to nothing.

Eniolakiite:

Yea right but on the woman part, not many women were okay with being baby mamas in Nigeria. They saw it as a shame not having like a husband but now most women no longer care here in Nigeria. The number of women ready and willing to just be baby mamas has increased unlike years ago where that marriage was do or die for women.

Kobojunkie:

No copying necessary as far as Nigeria is concerned. Nigeria has always had babymamas/Babydaddy situations from even before I was born, right there in your Nigeria.

Nigerian men free to abandon their marriages after some years to pursue other interests, leaving their women (glorified babymamas since they have marriage certificates) to raise the kids alone on next to nothing. Don't you think if the men were held more accountable by the law and culture in there Nigerian marriages, the situation would be much better for the millions of Nigerian mothers(many of them married) but forced to raise their children all by themselves?

Kobojunkie:

Obviously many of our women still want children, but they don't want to be burdened with the issue of a man abandoning them after taking x many years of their best lives.
Many of these women have seen their own fathers abandon their mothers. Some have witnessed it happen to their mother's mother. So Why should they be ashamed on taking their destiny into their own hands? Is it their fault that the men do this to them? Since most of them still want children anyways, why can't they then get the children and refuse the man before he refuses them

Eniolakiite:
Yea if the laws were better in Nigeria, most men would be more responsible.
Its sad that in Africa, an irresponsible man can still get to take away all the children even after years of the woman caring for them alone.
The African culture and laws don’t favor women at all.

Kobojunkie:

Better laws don't make better people. What the law can do is provide protection for those who are vulnerable. Yes, Nigerian culture does not in anyway consider women to be equal members of society, let alone equal partners in their marriages and that ought to end, hopefully in this generation.

There will always be men who abandon their marriages, no matter where you go, but with a cultural revolution and better laws in place ,at least their will be consequences that deter men from even entering marriages/relationships they are not ready for to begin with.
That is what is available out in the west and I don't see how any sane individual who has respect for his fellow human would not want the same in place in Nigeria.

Sterope:
You have a mother and sisters, don't you? Are they in Nigeria?

Unemadu:


Nigerians are smart and exposed like you rightly said but tradition and culture keeps most marriages in check. Now the west gives women the freedom to do as they like unlike in Nigeria where stigma is attached to a divorcee and single mama.

AfroKnight:
See, marriage is a lose-lose situation for any straight manly man in the US.

Two ways to be happily married as a man.
1. Be lucky to find a good wife. ( Good luck finding one)

2. Learn how to be happy with (and for) yourself regardless of good or bad energy from your wife. Derive your joy from your everyday small wins.

There’s one last option but it involves being a foôl
3. Be a simp.


Women have arm twisted that society to hand them the keys of the kingdom. Being masculine puts you at a disadvantage. You must take shît or they’ll grind your àss. It’s so bad that raising your own son to be a man is deemed toxic. But you’d see them applauding you if your little boy grew up to be a woman.

Hierarchy of importance in the American home:
1. Your children
2. Wife
3. Pets
4. Furniture
5. And finally You, the man.

Eniolakiite:
The law protecting the vulnerable is better law and it will ensure consequences for those who break it like in the west.
Many people won’t want the ways of the west to be practiced in Africa because of selfish interests and also some people will abuse it just like everywhere in the world.
Overall marriage can be a happy place. Meeting the right person is bliss.

LordKO:



It's obvious that your submission isn't from an aristocratic POV regarding serving/setting food. A wife/woman - and vice versa, subject to schedule of the man - serving/setting food for her husband/man and tidying the table when he finishes eating, directly or indirectly, has neither been a sign of slavery nor a Nigerian/African thing alone. It's a simple act of selflessness, part of the little things that matter in a healthy marriage/relationship - it has always been done voluntarily and cheerfully. It has always been obtainable within the aristocratic families in the Western world, North America inclusive and the whole world. The command aspect of it you talked about is what I don't know, maybe that's what's obtainable among small-minded people, since altruism isn't their forte.

In fact, it's only the small-minded people who think that jettisoning acts of selflessness and humility as couples when they arrive in the Western world that make them belong. Wannabes. A woman who jettisons acts of selflessness and humility just because she wants to belong, is like a man who won't allow his wife to drive his vehicle at will, or spend his money at will, or save her from doing masculine and stressful things, all because of wokeness and equality. Wokeness and equality don't nullify selflessness and humility as attributes and reciprocation of them between a sane couple - too clever by half attitude doesn't denote wokeness, just as selflessness doesn't denote inequality or slavery.

Love is the greatest refreshment in life, it isn't an illusion - well, it's something only two conscientious people who have altruistic interest towards each can experience. 

Ejusni:


So what you're saying is that blacks were not treated as sub humans in Jim Crow American segregation not counting the numerous lynchings and mass murders... I shouldn't argue with you, you're Clearly an ignorant troglodyte not worthy of my response.

Kobojunkie:

I still don't know what you mean when you state that "some people will abuse it", since we all have differing tolerance limits for all things. What one person can accept is not what another will be willing to allow, so we should stay clear of trying to pretend all men/women are somehow able to tolerate similar things. It is not the case.

Ejusni:



I was going to insult you, but I realized you need help. You keep backing away from my claims with insults(expected).

You need to calm the Fvck down...

You need to being overly emotional

Tajbol4splend:
This sorta explains why most Nigerian men over there don't want to marry fellow country women. But why should change of environment change you that easily, people who change with change of environment are fake

pDudd:
First tip: Leave that your native brain in Nigeria.

..........................
Now it always ends in 2 ways. If the woman is still alive after the physical attack, she calls the police and they arrest him for domestic violence. She files a restraining order against him and he cannot return back to the house he bought and the home he built.

The second way it ends is that the man attacks his wife and kills her with his security guard job service pistol or he strangles or stabs her to death with a kitchen knife.

In both cases, the police arrive and arrest the man. And then the family breaks up and most times can not be rebuilt anymore. It becomes a broken home with shatters dreams.

This sort 'partiality' that permits and excuses crazy behaviour in marriage, is perhaps the biggest reason why marriages are breaking up at an alarming rate and the next generation dont think marriage is important, especially now that a gay guy like Anderson Cooper of CNN is showing the world (using CNN platform), that you dont need a wife to be a father and have Children!

I tell you, we are very close to the time when the two things that INFORM and SUSTAIN most marriages (SEX and CHILDREN), with be unnecessary to come from a woman and l hope women are ready to live by the rules, when that happens.

No beat me, No beat me, na somewhere e dey end o

pansophist:
Generally speaking, women are socially inclined. They evolved to effectively adapt to their surrounding to advance their status. By design, women assimilate towards social consensus (lifestyle), while men lean towards creating that consensus.

Women do better than men in language learning, cultural understanding, are community-oriented, bond easily and strongly, less competitive, more agreeable, and have a lesser tendency for violence. All these are a perfect recipe that makes women easily integrate into any society than men.

Lots of diasporan Nigerian men who went back home to pick a wife back to western countries learned this lesson when the women changed and are exactly like the western women they are running away from. Like the old saying, men marry women hoping they do not change (but they change), meanwhile, women marry men hoping they can change him (but he doesn't change).

The female basically waits at the finish line to roll with the winners and will integrate seamlessly into the lifestyle, and live happily, ever after. Easily. There is no such thing as a tip to dating Nigerian women abroad, since her behaviors is predictable, based on the context of the society where she domicile.

Eniolakiite:
Oh What I actually mean by abuse is in the case where the woman just wants to use the system to destroy the man who in this case has done NOTHING wrong. It happens. But of course using the system accordingly is okay when you can no longer tolerate the BS.

Sterope:
Lol. Marry any good woman and you wont have issues.

God bless those are looking for Caucasian women to marry.

lefulefu:
a number of edo guys who are married and hustling overseas na so dem dey do their marriage.when the parents insist they must have home based wife they will return during the holidays pay the dowry on who they want to marry play the husband role then return overseas .Of course many of their wives based in naija secretly have lovers but the guys themselves also have foreign wives abroad with children.na the stubborn ones dey refuse homecall and dey insist on being faithful to the wives they are married to overseas .

ednut1:
you see stupidity. They later come home to marry one amaka or lolade. Who will come over and taste freedom and the favorable laws there. Den he begins to lament

Eniolakiite:
No one should ever be ashamed of putting their happiness first.

Women in Africa sacrifice their life goals and dreams every time in the name of marriage and child bearing and sometimes the marriage leaves them in hot tears.

So African women nowadays don’t want that and are changing to being okay with baby mama and solo living.

SIRTee15:


The society should protect the weak and the vulnerable......
The justice system gives voice to victims and the helpless.....
Most domestic violence victims are women, NOT men....no matter how much u try to twist the narrative....

Its hard for single mothers anywhere in the world....Imagine if they are now left without any support.....
African patriarchal culture is evil and retrogressive....it should be challenged.....

Kobojunkie:

You will find the same is true in Nigeria as well.

More than half of my friends grew up in broken homes right there in Nigeria..... Mostly fathers abandoning their families to pursue other women....while the woman is left to raise the kids alone without so much as a copy from the departed spouse who they are still married to on paper. Essentially, the women become nothing more than "BABYMAMAS with marriage certificate".
Sad to say the situation has worsened even today. That is reality for a lot of marriages right there in Nigeria as well.