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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Placing The Wrong Emphasis On Work (aka Earning A Living) (16893 Views)
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Placing The Wrong Emphasis On Work (aka Earning A Living) by bukatyne(f): 3:12pm On May 10, 2020 |
Happy Sunday peeps. I see, hear and read a lot of ladies been advised to 'face their career (which is actually work sef) and think of marriage later'. Or just the short form 'career before marriage'. Whatever variation of the advise, it generates laughter in me because: 1. Work/tilling the ground is actually a man's curse; 2. Work is just a means to an end: survival, sustenance etc. Work in itself cannot give satisfaction hence replacing your family with 'work' always ends in tears. There is a reason work is often described as 'soul sucking'. I watched an interview of Kourtney Kardashian where she said as she turned forty, she was afraid to die empty and felt she wasn't living enough. That is a work/job: it gives you money and the fine things of life however, it can never give fulfillment. That's why even the very rich after they have made money start to look for causes how they can touch the lives of people positively or negatively. That is not to say we should not be productive or resourceful. Every human should to the best of their ability be productive in a job, vocation or their calling. Now, there is something called 'calling or purpose'. This is the reason why you were created on earth. People's purpose range from pulling drugged kids off the street, inventing something to make our lives easier to writing lyrics that touch the soul. It can as well be spiritual as per pastors, evangelists, teachers, etc. etc. How do we discover this purpose or calling? 1. God tells you; 2. You discover what you do effortless or what you are always drawn to. Some people would say what you can all day got free and be satisfied; 3. You discover your talents or gifts. Some people are extremely lucky that their calling is their work. E. G. Someone whose calling is taking off drugged youth off the streets working in a NGO into rehabilitating drug addicts etc. Every body has the duty to discover their purpose and fulfill it. In summary, work is just work: a means to an end of living a better life and fulfilling your purpose/assignment in earth. Update: Original thread ended on page one. Drama started from page two. 14 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Placing The Wrong Emphasis On Work (aka Earning A Living) by Raalsalghul: 4:18pm On May 10, 2020 |
bukatyne: What is the objective of your write up? Women and careers Or Difference between work and purpose. Can't seem to get it. 22 Likes |
Re: Placing The Wrong Emphasis On Work (aka Earning A Living) by bukatyne(f): 4:27pm On May 10, 2020 |
Raalsalghul: The topic: Women placing the wrong emphasis on work. And a bonus on purpose. 1 Like |
Re: Placing The Wrong Emphasis On Work (aka Earning A Living) by Hathor5(f): 5:10pm On May 10, 2020 |
bukatyne: You have contradicted yourself and I am glad you did. 19 Likes 5 Shares |
Re: Placing The Wrong Emphasis On Work (aka Earning A Living) by bukatyne(f): 5:12pm On May 10, 2020 |
Hathor5: Have you heard of exceptions? 2 Likes |
Re: Placing The Wrong Emphasis On Work (aka Earning A Living) by Hathor5(f): 5:14pm On May 10, 2020 |
bukatyne: Yes, I have but what makes you think that a fulfilling career is the exception? The Kardashians? 16 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Placing The Wrong Emphasis On Work (aka Earning A Living) by bukatyne(f): 5:19pm On May 10, 2020 |
Hathor5: I don't think you understand the OP at all. A work which can grow into a career in exceptional cases is not designed to 'fulfill' you. It is like saying all you were created to do in life is work. Only a calling/purpose can. Now, it is possible although rare that what earns you a living is also your calling. That way, you are lucky enough to kill two birds with a stone. 7 Likes |
Re: Placing The Wrong Emphasis On Work (aka Earning A Living) by Hathor5(f): 5:22pm On May 10, 2020 |
bukatyne: Edited: From my personal experience I can say that at different phases in my life I felt that I had a different purpose/calling, whatever you want to call it. 11 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Placing The Wrong Emphasis On Work (aka Earning A Living) by HiFreda(f): 5:52pm On May 10, 2020 |
Are you saying we should place emphasis on 'marriage' over 'work'? You didn't direct us to where we should focus on 11 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Placing The Wrong Emphasis On Work (aka Earning A Living) by bukatyne(f): 6:39pm On May 10, 2020 |
HiFreda: Work is to provide your means of livelihood: Marriage is for companionship, prevention of adultery and raising godly children. Marriage like work is also a means to an end. The advantage of focusing on marriage over work is that you train kids who will carry on with your legacy. Marriage however differs in that it affects every other decision and fulfillment of your purpose. To break it down, let's use Mary (the mother of Jesus) as an example: Mary's purpose was to birth the savior (Jesus Christ). Let's assume she was a farmer (the Bible didn't say), that's her work. She was married to Joseph (an excellent choice because he was godly, fair and righteous). Imagine Joseph was a rebebe man: it would not have been easy for her to fulfill her purpose; she might never have even fulfilled it. That's why I would rate marriage above work. Some other examples of work vs purpose are: 1. Jesus Christ: He was a carpenter (work) however, his purpose was to save the world. 2. Peter: Was a fisherman (work), his purpose was to be an apostle and being Christ to the Jews. Etc. Etc. Discover your purpose (the hard part), then marry someone who keys into that purpose and vice versa. While at it, you would surely have a work to earn a living. 5 Likes |
Re: Placing The Wrong Emphasis On Work (aka Earning A Living) by bukatyne(f): 6:41pm On May 10, 2020 |
Hathor5: Could it be that they were parts of a whole? Did they tie together at a point having a general focus or are they totally different? You could be a multi-purpose person. Multi-purpose just made me remember our multi-purpose hall that year. |
Re: Placing The Wrong Emphasis On Work (aka Earning A Living) by mission08: 6:52pm On May 10, 2020 |
bukatyne: And if you don't have kids? 19 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Placing The Wrong Emphasis On Work (aka Earning A Living) by Hathor5(f): 7:04pm On May 10, 2020 |
bukatyne: I will respond to this post knowing it was not directed at me. These are your religious views on marriage and I respect them because I respect religious freedom. What I don't buy is that people get married to fulfill a purpose that serves a greater good. People get married and have children for very selfish reasons. Let us not deceive ourselves. It does not negate the fact that they want to get it right and according to their own guiding principles but getting married and having children is a selfish need first and foremost. Not that there is anything wrong with it. bukatyne: No. I don't know. I didn't know it until five minutes ago but I certainly am a multi-purpose person. I think that we all want to have a sense of fulfillment and most of us think that a family of our own will contribute to this fulfillment. This is why I wonder why you have taken it upon yourself to tell people to consider the importance of starting a family of their own. This is the convention, innit? 12 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Placing The Wrong Emphasis On Work (aka Earning A Living) by bukatyne(f): 7:09pm On May 10, 2020 |
mission08: Don't have or don't want to have? 1 Like |
Re: Placing The Wrong Emphasis On Work (aka Earning A Living) by bukatyne(f): 7:26pm On May 10, 2020 |
Hathor5: I tried relating points 1 - 4 to my post you quoted however, I could not. I was replying to the poster how they all tie together. I will answer it anyways. 1. Ok 2. I stated the reasons for marriage. The children part is contributing your own quota to the world. The way the earth is populated is by birthing children who will replace us. We now ensure that those children turn out well. 3. That is actually where the problem of the modern marriage started. 4. Hmmmmm. 5. A family of ours truly contributes to the sense of fulfillment. 6. I take it upon myself to tell people especially ladies to do it well aka marry the right person because it makes fulfilling their purpose easier and rids the society of weak marriages producing weak legacies and several complaints. But if you are my asking me why, then you don't understand the thread 7. It was the convention before we started hearing 'work before marriage' or 'work is more important'. We are waiting for you to bless the world with the stuffs you have inside of you. 1 Like |
Re: Placing The Wrong Emphasis On Work (aka Earning A Living) by Hathor5(f): 7:36pm On May 10, 2020 |
bukatyne: 2. If we were more rational and less selfish, we would contribute less to the quota, not more. 3. Really? You think the older generations were less selfish? No, they weren't. They had their own selfish reasons but still selfish. Humans have always been selfish and always will be. 6. It's you assuming that you know what is best for other ladies and I would love to know what makes you think so and also what gives you the authority. 7. It still is the convention. Tell an African parent that you don't want to get married or don't want to have children and see what happens. The fact that some parents want their daughters to get an education first is a good thing, not a bad thing. And if for some people work is more important than starting a family, what is your own stake in it? I am sorry but I have the impression that you take it too personally that others choose a different lifestyle from yours. You know nothing about me. 22 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Placing The Wrong Emphasis On Work (aka Earning A Living) by bukatyne(f): 8:08pm On May 10, 2020 |
Hathor5: You are starting to derail the thread with insinuating and inferring things not on my post. You don't know my lifestyle so can't pinpoint someone's life 'different' from mine. An average lady has her B.Sc. before she gets married and has some sort of job or vocation so I don't understand where education or lack of is coming in. And where did I state or assume knowing anything about you? Thank you for your contributions on the thread. 1 Like |
Re: Placing The Wrong Emphasis On Work (aka Earning A Living) by KanwuliaBaby: 10:55pm On May 10, 2020 |
bukatyne: The emphasis can never be wrong if a woman contributes to the net income of her home. Are you implying that working is a man’s “burden” alone in the 21st century? Should men also place the “wrong emphasis” on work while the women work 10% on their careers and 90% on their families? Are you referring to “married women with children” only? What exactly is YOUR definition of “FAMILY”? In the words of “Gifty”. . . . . . “I am NOT UNDERSTANDING”. . . . . ? ? ? ? 16 Likes 3 Shares
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Re: Placing The Wrong Emphasis On Work (aka Earning A Living) by Nobody: 11:42pm On May 10, 2020 |
Bukatyne is too old school. 11 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Placing The Wrong Emphasis On Work (aka Earning A Living) by Nobody: 11:48pm On May 10, 2020 |
Lol... Op stated that some women place wrong emphasis on "Work". Fine, but what is Wrong? Is it wrong for a woman to choose career over marriage? Well to you it is, to Me it's her choice and to others it isn't wrong. We must learn to respect "Choice and Preference ". We live in a dynamic world, people aren't all equal neither do we all have same desires. I don't think it is right to put everyone in a box and design how they should live or what they should do so far their choices aren't threats to humanity. Because the truth is, Marriage isn't for everyone same as WEALTH isn't for everybody. Discover the one that works for you and move along with it. 19 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Placing The Wrong Emphasis On Work (aka Earning A Living) by Biglittlelois(f): 11:52pm On May 10, 2020 |
Ariza: Spot on!!! 6 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Placing The Wrong Emphasis On Work (aka Earning A Living) by Nobody: 12:11am On May 11, 2020 |
Plead:Maybe, Maybe not but one thing is certain : If only she works on her presentation of ideas which tend to be more directives than engaging she would have made sense most times and gotten more followers irrespective of gender. When one conceive an idea, its advisable to think in opposite directions of such ideas I.e other possibilities before coming to conclusions. That way you create a balance then present in the most convincing way that would make people see reasons. It is best to allow people draw their conclusions than impose yours on them. People will revolt! That's what I see happening with Bukat. Yne 10 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Placing The Wrong Emphasis On Work (aka Earning A Living) by HiFreda(f): 1:17am On May 11, 2020 |
Maybe I don't understand the thread. My thought is this. Discovering who you are as a person is key and the concept of 'purpose' is based on personal interpretation. While some people believe that they are on earth for a 'reason', some other people believe that you create your own purpose. This is multifaceted. Not everyone derives joy and fulfilment from marriage, kids, work, and there is no formula to achieving happiness. . If you're basing your argument on your religious point of view, not everyone believes in that. If you're making an argument on Marriage vs Work= Fulfilment of Purpose Then it does even begin to cover the idea of fulfilment of purpose, which some people do not even believe exists. 17 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Placing The Wrong Emphasis On Work (aka Earning A Living) by KanwuliaBaby: 1:40am On May 11, 2020 |
bukatyne: Really? 11 Likes |
Re: Placing The Wrong Emphasis On Work (aka Earning A Living) by Nobody: 2:00am On May 11, 2020 |
KanwuliaBaby: E shock you 9 Likes |
Re: Placing The Wrong Emphasis On Work (aka Earning A Living) by akaahs(m): 8:25am On May 11, 2020 |
That is a work/job: it gives you money and the fine things of life however, it can never give fulfillment....... The above statement should be subjective because some people find fulfillment in their work/job e.g doctors, engineers, nurses etc. So the statement may not be true in its entirety. 6 Likes |
Re: Placing The Wrong Emphasis On Work (aka Earning A Living) by Nobody: 8:31am On May 11, 2020 |
3 Likes |
Re: Placing The Wrong Emphasis On Work (aka Earning A Living) by Biglittlelois(f): 8:51am On May 11, 2020 |
3 Likes |
Re: Placing The Wrong Emphasis On Work (aka Earning A Living) by freecocoahubby(m): 9:10am On May 11, 2020 |
fieryy: ..and you know this because you're Kourtney Kardashian's PA, slave and personal bodyguard right? Awon association of women's right whose ultimate display of power is to bully their fellow women on Nairaland who refuse to join their foolish coven of feminism'. Lmao. Most of y'all dont even practice this fvckery in the real world! "Independent women" who are still waiting for boyfriend for monthly stipend, recharge card, wig purchases and shopping sprees Audio empowerment 21 Likes 1 Share |
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