XhosaNostra:



What happened in that relationship from your teens? That could be where it all began.
I knew someone who told me that he lost his 1st love because she was forced to marry someone else. I think that experience had a tremendous impact on him because he'd fight tooth & nail to avoid situations where he'd have to be vulnerable. He also CRAVED affection, but when he felt himself reciprocating, the inner conflict would start. I was often left feeling that he preferred any other girl to me. But of course that wasn't the case because he couldn't stay away either, when I'd send him packing. Sometimes I felt he resented me for making him feel because he'd do things to hurt me on purpose, so I'd break up with him, which gave him a fleeting feeling of relief, I guess. But he'd always return lol. He once admitted that he didn't like feeling out of control with his feelings, he preferred no attachments because that's the only way he'd have full control over his heart. It's almost like love embarrassed him if that makes sense. Like he felt it weakened him as a man or something like that. It's difficult to love someone like that. In contrary to their behaviour, they have a difficult time letting go. They're obsessive & stalkerish when they succumb to their emotions, even if it's for a brief moment.

I must commend your effort in learning to understand your man, i still have that inner conflict, and its evident when i feel I'm getting to attached to someone. Mine i tend to withdraw especially when I'm sure of my own feelings and not that of the other.

The part that got me "death of family member means noting to you" You know what? Just go get theraphy

XhosaNostra:



LMAO. How amusing! You're a nutcase, that's for sure. A deluded one at that. I think we have a few similarities, in fact, one of which being the fact that I don't give a toss either so save me the menstrual meltdown & aimless attempt at verbal assassination. It doesn't faze me. That stuff may work on the weak targets you meet in your every day life, but I'm of a different stock & you may have just met your match if you're under some belief that you draw the quickest pistol, verbally. I got my own arsenal & an I don't give a shìt attitude of my own, so you're welcome. Fruitcake, meet the fearless one yet, with enough wit of her own to run circles around you, unlike the stùpid ones who let you demean them & thus, got you thinking you're some badass. I chew up people like you like curd. I gave an input, but don't mistake it for thinking I truly care about your fùcking problems & how to solve them. You could remain the miserable fart you are for eternity for all I care. You wanted to know what people thought of your shìtty, garden-variety personality (nothing exceptional about it, you're just another wannabe because you probably read it somewhere that narcissists & the like are intellectually gifted or you just wanna give off the impression that you're Spock-like, whereas, you're probably a fùcking big baby in reality) & I said my piece, so I don't give the slightest fùck what you think henceforth for I said what I needed to say. Fùck ya thoughts! Compliment accepted for thinking I was trying to be smart when I wasn't even trying A few things people can fake, but being smart is a hardest one to pull off convincingly. So if it appears to you, self-acclaimed brainiac that I'm at least trying, then I must have perfected my act. Mission accomplished.

I find it ironic that all this bluster and bombast is coming from a woman who was manipulated, abused, used and cheated on by a narcissist.

Narcissists have a type you know: naive, low self esteem, low confidence, emotionally vulnerable, overly empathic, unassertive women. The fact that you dated a narcissist means you fit this description.

I wish I knew what you looked like so I could picture you crying as you heard the voice of another probably more attractive woman talking to the man you love - a man who many times assured you that you were the only one he loved - telling him how much she loved him, in anticipation of his usual response of "I love you too." How sad you must have felt.

I know the grotesque scars the aftermath of such a relationship leaves you with; the heartbreak, emotional trauma, the pain, the lack of trust you have for future partners, the endless paranoia.

Sucks to be you, Darling.

Eyeness:
See finishing, drop him down a peg or two, then shame him for good measure.

That's how he wants to play it. I'm game.

Monfeels:


I find it ironic that all this bluster and bombast is coming from a woman who was manipulated, abused, used and cheated on by a narcissist.

Narcissists have a type you know: naive, low self esteem, low confidence, emotional vulnerable, overly empathic, unassertive women. The fact that you dated a narcissist means you fit this description.

I wish I knew what you looked like so I could picture you crying as you heard the voice of another probably more attractive woman talking to the man you love - a man who many times assured you that you were the only one he loved - telling him how much she loved him, in anticipation of his usual response of "I love you too." How sad you would have been.

I know the grotesque scars the aftermath of such a relationship leaves you with; the heartbreak, emotional trauma, the pain, the lack of trust you have for future partners, the endless paranoia.

Sucks to be you, Darling.

LMAO yet again. Nice reach. Never in my life will I ever be used & abused, even he knew what buttons not to push with me because I got that machine gun mouth I suffer no fools gladly, which is one quality that he, in fact, admired about me...I called him out & wasn't afraid to send the relationship & him back to hell where they belong in the process. I can spot weaknesses too, I must have narcissistic tendencies of my own because I know how to read people like a book & what ammo to use when dealing with them I once read that Cluster B personalities attract each other more often than they attract the so-called empaths/co-dependants. I must suffer from a personality malignancy of my own that I'm unaware of like a true sicko because I attract the type & yet I'm no gushing pushover. I pummel them to a pulp! So there goes that! Another off-target attempt. Poor you

Hahahaha. I really don't care what she may have looked like. That's no concern of mine. I was a catch in my own right TO HIM, considering what HE looked like. Even I was aware that he was a step down from all the guys I've dated before him, but the mental connection between us was too great to pass up, so I got something out of it too in the end...mind orgasms...otherwise I never would have bothered with him if he was just a pockmarked-faced dumbass. He gave me the mental thrills, which I don't regret because it was fun while it lasted. I like living on the edge too, yanno Not anymore though because I'm grown & have no patience for that sort of thing anymore.

Another miss. Are you blind or something? No sweetheart, I went on to have a much longer & more stable relationship after that one, which he btw, was very jealous of because my new man was more handsome than he ever could be He was the tormented one in the end, not me. I moved on without caring who he was with, while he kept on obsessing about who warmed the other side of my bed & had me convulsing with pleasure in the dead of night Oops, I'm not the loser here, sorry. Try another angle & make it stick this time, will ya?

XhosaNostra:



LMAO yet again. Nice reach. Never in my life will I ever be used & abused, even he knew what buttons not to push with me because I got that machine gun mouth I suffer no fools gladly, which is one quality that he, in fact, admired about me...I called him out & wasn't afraid to send the relationship & him back to hell where they belong in the process. I can spot weaknesses too, I must have narcissistic tendencies of my own because I know how to read people like a book & what ammo to use when dealing with them I once read that Cluster B personalities attract each other more often than they attract the so-called empaths/co-dependants. I must suffer from a personality malignancy of my own that I'm unaware of like a true sicko because I attract the type & yet I'm no gushing pushover. I pummel them to a pulp! So there goes that! Another off-target attempt. Poor you

Hahahaha. I really don't care what she may have looked like. That's no concern of mine. I was a catch in my own right TO HIM, considering what HE looked like. Even I was aware that he was a step down from all the guys I've dated before him, but the mental connection between us was too great to pass up, so I got something out of it too in the end...mind orgasms...otherwise I never would have bothered with him if he was just a pockmarked-faced dumbass. He gave me the mental thrills, which I don't regret because it was fun while it lasted. I like living on the edge too, yanno Not anymore though because I'm grown & have no patience for that sort of thing anymore.

Another miss. Are you blind or something? No sweetheart, I went on to have a much longer & more stable relationship after that one, which he btw, was very jealous of because my new man was more handsome than he ever would be He was the tormented one in the end, not me. I moved on without caring who he was with, while he kept on obsessing about who warmed the other side of my bed & had me convulsing with pleasure in the dead of night Oops, I'm not the loser here, sorry. Try another angle & make it stick this time, will ya?

I don't wish to be him at this moment...

madbuk:

I must commend your effort in learning to understand your man, i still have that inner conflict, and its evident when i feel I'm getting to attached to someone. Mine i tend to withdraw especially when I'm sure of my own feelings and not that of the other.

I wouldn't say I tried to understand him per se, I just have this natural curiosity when it comes to how people tick & tinker in general. He was a great case study & provided me with more material than I could ever need to revisit in a lifetime. His issues were that many.

JaceBlaze:



I don't wish to be him at this moment...

Scotty doesn't know

I have similar traits you listed up there. but I have empathy for my family members just that I don't sit and play with them for a long time

XhosaNostra:



Scotty doesn't know

Okay .Wreck 'em

XhosaNostra:



I wouldn't say I tried to understand him per se, I just have this natural curiosity when it comes to how people tick & tinker in general. He was a great case study & provided me with more material than I could ever need to revisit in a lifetime. His issues were that many.

Still commendable, lols making your ex sound like a specimen

madbuk:


Still commendable, lols making your ex sound like a specimen

In a sense he was I'm a note-taker by nature, so I learnt a lot from that train wreck Relationships are a great learning tool about others & self.

XhosaNostra:



In a sense he was I'm a note-taker by nature, so I learnt a lot from that train wreck Relationships are a great learning tool about others & self.

Lmao, you're cracking me up. I can imagine him going off and instead of you reacting, you bring out a pen n paper noting down signs for possible diagnosis.

Monfeels:
I want to share my problem with you guys in the hopes that maybe I'll get some good advice or at least some insight into my problem.

When people first meet me their impression of me is that I'm good looking, cool and intelligent. Most girls usually assume that I have a girlfriend or a legion of side chicks that I Bleep whenever I want to.

The truth about me is that I've never been in a proper relationship with another woman before. All I've had is sexual partners that I stop talking to after I have sex with them, and girls I get intimate with just to control them and get them to fulfil my desire of having a female to own, please me and do my biding, and then I get bored of them and cease contact and move on like I never knew them.

The reason for this behavior is that I don't possess the emotional resources needed to engage in a healthy relationship with another human being. I have no empathy and I usually feel no guilt or remorse for my actions. It's impossible for me to care genuinely for another person. I don't feel people's pain or suffering and I'm not moved by the death of family members or friends. I simply do not care for any other person but myself. I've been this way for a very long time. I lack the ability to maintain relationships with people hence why I lose friends often. Relationships are usually a means to an end for me and when that end is met, I become irritated by the person I've gotten close to.

Despite the fact that I don't see the point in relationships, I still find that I get jealous of couples in healthy relationships. It's not like I want to experience what they experience, just that I am envious of the fact that they are participating in something I can't participate in.

When I find a girl that I want to get close to, I'm usually consumed with jealousy over her previous relationships, and over any current relationship she has with any member of the opposite sex, even if it's merely platonic. All I want is for her to devote all her time to me and shower me with attention and love. The problem with all this is that I don't want to reciprocate this behavior. In fact the idea of devoting attention to, and showering affection on someone else irritates me. It's all pointless, but I enjoy when it's done to me.

Another weird side to all this is that I don't just want to control the girl, I also enjoy making her feel bad, but in a way that makes her crave for me more. I enjoy poking holes in herself esteem, making her second guess the presumably good qualities she thought she possesed, making her not feel wanted by me, and making her do more to please me.

I don't love women, I only become obsessed with them. Obsessed to the point that I'm constantly tortured by thoughts of them being sexual with another guy especially when it's someone she has dated before. I want her all to myself and even if she had sex with someone before I met her or before we became close, I am filled with anger and jealousy whenever the thought crosses my mind, and I want to punish her for that. It's like I want to erase her past and replace it with me. I want to be all she's ever had. I don't want anyone else in her life and I don't want anyone else in her past.

All this must sound crazy to you guys but this is my reality and it's eating me up. I need advice.

Such an interesting piece
I only read about stuffs like this in books.
I like my man to be possessive with me,dominating.
My ex made me this way.

XhosaNostra:



LMAO yet again. Nice reach. Never in my life will I ever be used & abused, even he knew what buttons not to push with me because I got that machine gun mouth I suffer no fools gladly, which is one quality that he, in fact, admired about me...I called him out & wasn't afraid to send the relationship & him back to hell where they belong in the process. I can spot weaknesses too, I must have narcissistic tendencies of my own because I know how to read people like a book & what ammo to use when dealing with them I once read that Cluster B personalities attract each other more often than they attract the so-called empaths/co-dependants. I must suffer from a personality malignancy of my own that I'm unaware of like a true sicko because I attract the type & yet I'm no gushing pushover. I pummel them to a pulp! So there goes that! Another off-target attempt. Poor you

Hahahaha. I really don't care what she may have looked like. That's no concern of mine. I was a catch in my own right TO HIM, considering what HE looked like. Even I was aware that he was a step down from all the guys I've dated before him, but the mental connection between us was too great to pass up, so I got something out of it too in the end...mind orgasms...otherwise I never would have bothered with him if he was just a pockmarked-faced dumbass. He gave me the mental thrills, which I don't regret because it was fun while it lasted. I like living on the edge too, yanno Not anymore though because I'm grown & have no patience for that sort of thing anymore.

Another miss. Are you blind or something? No sweetheart, I went on to have a much longer & more stable relationship after that one, which he btw, was very jealous of because my new man was more handsome than he ever could be He was the tormented one in the end, not me. I moved on without caring who he was with, while he kept on obsessing about who warmed the other side of my bed & had me convulsing with pleasure in the dead of night Oops, I'm not the loser here, sorry. Try another angle & make it stick this time, will ya?

Although I love your responses to him. I still think you are trying to appear tough and emotionally untouchable . None of this explanation is actually necessary. Maybe he's right about somethings he said about you and you're trying to console yourself with all those explanation.

UnclePrincipal:



Although I love your responses to him. I still think you are trying to appear tough and emotionally untouchable . None of this explanation is actually necessary. Maybe he's right about somethings he said about you and you're trying to console yourself with all those explanation.

Nope, I already said I was upset & cried at one point. How much more transparent can I get or should I describe the tears in great detail to prove I was affected to some degree? Did the experience change my view of relationships & myself, however? A big fat no because the issues were his, not mine. I'm capable of maintaining a healthy relationship, until I start noticing familiar unhealthy patterns. The only negative trait I'd say I developed or rather got amplified as a result of that relationship is my hypervigilance. Yes, I became very wary of certain behaviours & also developed a very low tolerance for wishy washiness.

madbuk:


Lmao, you're cracking me up. I can imagine him going off and instead of you reacting, you bring out a pen n paper noting down signs for possible diagnosis.

Now I do that, but back then I was just a keen observer that took a lot of mental notes, occassionally.

XhosaNostra:



Now I do that, but back then I was just a keen observer that took a lot of mental notes, occassionally.

You've gone pro, mind checking my head?

UnclePrincipal:



Although I love your responses to him. I still think you are trying to appear tough and emotionally untouchable . None of this explanation is actually necessary. Maybe he's right about somethings he said about you and you're trying to console yourself with all those explanation.

I'm right about everything I said about Xhosanostra

I've dealt with women like her before. After suffering abuse from a narcissist or a manipulative person, they build this fake persona of tough and untouchable; a defense mechanism to suppress the constant pain and trauma that they endure as a result of their previous experiences, and they enter every interaction with men with this obsessive need to reinfornce and validate this mirage of a persona, when beneath this mask is a paranoid, frightened, wounded person terrified of relationships and unable to trust.

Don't be surprised to learn that most of what she said is a lie. People like this can get so messed up to the point of concocting false tales just to shore up their defenses. It's delusional.

If I could experience pity, I'd be feeling pity for her right now. But she's just a source of entertainment for me. The guy who abused her really did a number on her.

madbuk:


You've gone pro, mind checking my head?

Hahaha

Monfeels:


I'm right about everything I said about Xhosanostra

I've dealt with women like her before. After suffering abuse from a narcissist or a manipulative person, they build this fake persona of tough and untouchable; a defense mechanism to suppress the constant pain and trauma that they endure as a result of their previous experiences, and they enter every interaction with men with this obsessive need to reinfornce and validate this mirage of a persona, when beneath this mask is a paranoid, frightened, wounded person terrified of relationships and unable to trust.

Don't be surprised to learn that most of what she said is a lie. People like this can get so messed up to the point of concocting false tales just to shore up their defenses. It's delusional.

If I could experience pity, I'd be feeling pity for her right now. But she's just a source of entertainment for me. The guy who abused her really did a number on her.

Feel pity for yourself, you fùcking nut! I'm not the one jealous of other people's relationships because I was starved of love & affection in my formative years. Fix your bloody mommy issues 1st before you can start to even play doctor with me.

XhosaNostra:



Feel pity for yourself, you fùcking nut! I'm not the one jealous of other people's relationships because I was starved of love & affection in my formative years. Fix your bloody mommy issues 1st before you can start to even play doctor with me.

So much bile from someone who claims to be emotional strong. Just few revelations about your lies and your defenses are already crumbling. Have you run out of make-believe stories about new boyfriends and sexual partners that don't exist? I was really enjoying your delusional stories.

Allaboutkatiee:


Such an interesting piece
I only read about stuffs like this in books.
I like my man to be possessive with me,dominating.
My ex made me this way.

Oh boy here we go again. I don't even think you understand the bolded.

Except you are a masochist, all you are going to ever get from a relationship with a possessive and dominating man is just pain and regret.

Unlearn evil habits

Monfeels:


So much bile from someone who claims to be emotional strong. Just few revelations about your lies and your defenses are already crumbling. Have you run out of make-believe stories about new boyfriends and sexual partners that don't exist? I was really enjoying your delusional stories.

Lol, like getting a new BF or having sex is an achievement. It may be a much needed ego boost to you, but it does nothing to me. Very few people on NL know about my life as it stands at this present moment because the only bits I'm comfortable sharing here are all past events, nothing most recent. I'm currently not having sex if you must know though. I guess that means I must be grotesque or undesirable, never mind that even mad women get it in sometimes

Oh, almost forgot, got a willing dìck waiting in the wings to pump Won't post the rest because it's for my eyes only.

XhosaNostra:
Oh, almost forgot, got a willing dìck waiting in the wings to pump Won't post the rest because it's for my eyes only.

How do I know this is you? And how does a very platonic exchange over email mean you got a willing dick?

Anyone can say they miss someone without referring to wanting to have sex with them. Heck mothers tell their sons they miss them. This doesn't prove anything you delusional woman.

Monfeels:


How do I know this is you? And how does a very platonic exchange over email mean you got a willing dick?

Anyone can say they miss someone without referring to wanting to have sex with them. Heck mothers tell their sons they miss them. This doesn't prove anything you delusional woman.

Because I know something you don't obviously Will probably take pictures when it happens so you can beat your meat to it since my sex life seem so intriguing to you

XhosaNostra:



Because I know something you don't obviously Will probably take pictures when it happens so you can beat your meat to it since my sex life seem so intriguing to you

Giving the mental picture I already have of
you - a conventionally unattractive woman with low self esteem - I don't think pictures of you having sex will get my meat hard enough for me to beat to it.

Monfeels:


Giving the mental picture I already have of
you - a conventionally unattractive woman with low self esteem - I don't think pictures of you having sex will get my meat hard enough for me to beat to it.

That mental image obviously didn't stop you from memorizing every notch on my bedpost, so I wouldn't put voyeuristic tendencies past you after all that other dysfunctionality you got there swirling in your little head. You're fùcked in the head, buddy, anything is possible with your kind Christmas will come early for you this year, you'll be beating the cobwebs off your dusty peen soon

Lol



I'm loving the gbas gbos between those two upstairs

Pls don't stop

Keep it coming

XhosaNostra:



What happened in that relationship from your teens? That could be where it all began.
I knew someone who told me that he lost his 1st love because she was forced to marry someone else. I think that experience had a tremendous impact on him because he'd fight tooth & nail to avoid situations where he'd have to be vulnerable. He also CRAVED affection, but when he felt himself reciprocating, the inner conflict would start. I was often left feeling that he preferred any other girl to me. But of course that wasn't the case because he couldn't stay away either, when I'd send him packing. Sometimes I felt he resented me for making him feel because he'd do things to hurt me on purpose, so I'd break up with him, which gave him a fleeting feeling of relief, I guess. But he'd always return lol. He once admitted that he didn't like feeling out of control with his feelings, he preferred no attachments because that's the only way he'd have full control over his heart. It's almost like love embarrassed him if that makes sense. Like he felt it weakened him as a man or something like that. It's difficult to love someone like that. In contrary to their behaviour, they have a difficult time letting go. They're obsessive & stalkerish when they succumb to their emotions, even if it's for a brief moment.

Now, not only are you a narcissist, you dated (or are dating) one, and still flirting with one as well. Well don't narcissist just love themselves...

blogger10:

Now, not only are you a narcissist, you dated (or are dating) one, and still flirting with one as well. Well don't narcissist just love themselves...

We sure do.