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I Was A Husband: My Experience - Family (19) - Nairaland

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Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Renida: 3:00pm On May 14, 2020
Ybaby:

kiss


Invariably if a working man can't make ends meet and the attitude of his lover changes doesn't this qualify as psychologically unstable and only conditioned to stick around in good times. Common I just said your story and truth be told your marriage and the Ops marriage aren't far apart during those trying times except the mentally sick and unbalanced woman the OP calls a wife.

For even Jesus said, if you don't/can't suffer with me, you can't share in my glory


Whatever happened to loyalty, honor, integrity, dignity, faithfulness, honesty


Cc Liliantalks

4 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Genset: 3:00pm On May 14, 2020
Simbrixton:
dere are many poor and struggling igbo families the truth is modern society means men and women have very equal opportunities unlike previous human societies


That won't be a problem so far the man is bringing his 50% : that is both money and doing house chores and the woman like wise
Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by sosospence(m): 3:01pm On May 14, 2020
faithfull18:
Hmmn, this sounds like fiction. I don't support divorce but if adultery is involved with evidences, then separation is advised. Biblically, either partners are expected not to marry again but you know in our present world, we read and act upside down.
Believe it or not,things are really happening.
Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by jaymichael(m): 3:02pm On May 14, 2020
tunmiluabi:



She will one day tell her parents herself. Her parents have sought for an amicable solution and meetings are being called. I have not doubt in my mind that I have moved on. I still have good relationship with her family because of my child..
You will have to tell them because she will tell them herself and it will not be as you put it here. I salute your courage and restraints.
Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Nobody: 3:02pm On May 14, 2020
tunmiluabi:
My story is quite long, please run through with patience.

I married my wife about 11 years ago. By the

for a second child. Her stories kept on

Tunmi
reading your story was like me reading my own story.
Only three diff.
1) I am younher
2) fortune has not smile on me yet but am hoping and praying.
3)for eight years, I was the only one doing the whole sponsoring, she was jobless.
Now she is living in a fools, paradise, I created another account on fb and chatted her, a rich guy's profile.
I told her to break up with me and she did last night.
I was just laughing.
It's a very bad thing for the bread winner to go broke, I am a living testimony to rhag

10 Likes 2 Shares

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Simbrixton(m): 3:03pm On May 14, 2020
Genset:



That won't be a problem so far the man is bringing his 50% : that is both money and doing house chores and the woman like wise
good luck in your journey mate

Like funny bone said most igbo girls mentality is I am beautiful a rich man will marry me

5 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Nobody: 3:03pm On May 14, 2020
On a bad day, the best husbands are MONSTER, while the best wives are Devils.
Food for thought.

1 Like

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Ybaby: 3:03pm On May 14, 2020
Renida:



Invariably if a working man can't make ends meet and the attitude of his lover changes doesn't this qualify as psychologically unstable and only conditioned to stick around in good times. Common I just said your story and truth be told your marriage and the Ops marriage aren't far apart during those trying times except the mentally sick and unbalanced woman the OP calls a wife.

For even Jesus said, if you don't/can't suffer with me, you can't share in my glory


Whatever happened to loyalty, honor, integrity, dignity, faithfulness, honesty


Cc Liliantalks

You want the truth?

Any woman will act like OP wife... the husband may just never find out but she will seek masculine energy somewhere else
Usually from her boss at work.

3 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Ghostmode2two(m): 3:03pm On May 14, 2020
tunmiluabi:
My story is quite long, please run through with patience.

I married my wife about 11 years ago. By the way I am 46 years old. Before I married my wife, I was not doing well neither was my wife. She was working with a multinational company, earning an equivalent of N40,000. I had a small graphic design business after trying many times to find a good job. I looked for jobs and contracts without any respite. But At this this time, my wife's support was good and I did appreciate every bit of it. At lest we survived on the low...

As time went on, I got a job in one international corporate training company as a Statistics and Business Analysis Instructor, was earning about 90,000 naira. During the times before I got my job, we had accumulated debt and my new job provided us an opportunity to pay them up.

We decided we were going to save part of her salary every month for servicing the debt and save the rest for a rainy day. I was supposed to pay the rent and all other domestic bills, light, kids school fees etc.. Some time she helped with food/groceries. After sometime, she advised we move to a bigger apartment. We still had a daughter by then. I obliged and we did.

To cut the story short, after four years of working, the company folded up because of government policies and we were all laid off. This meant we had to prepare for the hard life ahead. It was hectic and devastating. Me being me, I took it with all sense of grace and hope things will be fine. But the more I thought about this the worse things got. One day out of curiosity I asked my wife if it would be nice to have another child and she advised it was not the best time. I understood and agreed. I then advised my wife if we could start a business and with some savings we had, maybe I could use it to enhance my former business, maybe things might be better this time. She did not show any interest. This time I discovered changes in my wife.

One day she asked me if she could use part of them money to do a course, honestly I was shocked but asked why she did not oblige to my own request. She said "its my money I can use it for whatever I want". My wife however did the course.

To cut the story short, 3 years down the line, my wife stopped having sex with me and this continued for a long time. I became like "shit in her eyes". I lost a bit of confidence though. she would wake me with insults and barrage of dirty words. Because of our child, I agreed to stay a home and try to work online and seek clients and jobs from old client. It was not bad but not promising.

Fortunately for us, my wife got a promotion and her salary was increased to about 170,000. This actually brought out the worst in my wife. Her calmness disappeared and all decorum was buried. We would quarrel everyday and not talk for weeks. She became really mean and controlled everything at home. Please note, she is not a bad woman but can't explain the reasons up till date. I was with no option but to query her sincerity as a wife and that continued for a long time. Our sex life became zero, she would tell me having sex would make her pregnant and was not ready for a second child. Her stories kept on changing and became even worse, rather than coming home she would pass by her mom and be there till late in the night before coming home.

After about 3 years of trying to get something to do, I finally got a place on the island sometime in February 2018, where I would be paid a stipend of 50,000. In addition, I would use my free time to design, print and sell business cards to small companies. The overall income was small but enough for some immediate obligations at home. But to be fair, that was the best I could get since I have not had money in a long time. Unfortunately my wages were not consistent due to challenges the company was facing. But I used the Business card printing to augment wherever possible.

Later in 2018 around September, I discovered that my wife had been having an illicit engagement. She had a male fried and I finally got to know about it and confronted her. She did not deny it, she begged and I forgave her. Anyway, I had made up my mind to forgive because of the kid and I never told anyone till date. Moreover, since we were not making love that was of course enough reason for the drastic measure, I told myself. To be sincere I had lost feeling for my wife and sex was difficult. We finally started having sex but I had little to offer her. I would pretend and even have to watch Indecency to be able to have sex with her. I was dead inside. At least my wife was still with me. That was my solace. I guess trust was broken. She however continued with her escapades. The quarrels increased and got worse. There and then name calling became our breakfast and dinner. She advised that since I would never look at her the same and bringing little or nothing to the table that I was free to go. The quarrels went on for quite some time, my wife will go very violent on me some of the times. I am marshal artist with black belt and I have great restraint - for me, fighting and going violent on her was never on the table. One day I thought there was a need to move out and I did indicated to her that I was not comfortable living with her anymore.. That wherever I am, I will see how I can take care of the kids.

She did not care and things became difficult for me. I felt maybe I could stay for sometime, It might be a difficult condition but still not impossible. This became my Achilles heels. There and then I knew my relationship had broken and irreparable. I accepted there was nothing I could, but to be patient and tried to convince myself about our situations and believed our situation was bad, but God’s willing we would overcome. The fight even got worse and became very violent and physical, I would normally just take the beating or hold her hands to avoid any injuries.

The quarrels was beginning to be in the glare of my Kids and since it was not abating, there was little I could do to change the situation. I finally made up my mind on the 19th of May 2019 to move out, but actually moved out on the 30th of May, 2019. Before then on the 26th of May, 2019, I discovered my wife was again engaging in the illicit affair. She would claim she was going to church only to be found at a different location. Honestly I can’t blame her, I blame myself and the situation that caused the demise of our once cherished marriage. At this point in time I realised I had lost and had no fight in me anymore. My kids are still very young. Everyday quarrels, lack of sincere engagement, denials upon denials and her fear of facing her “DEMON” with little chance of her understanding the consequence of her actions - I was left with no choice but to stop FIGHTING. I had no fight left in me. The ultimate decision was to leave. I did not inform her parent about the issue because I had indicated to her I did not want them to look at her differently.

God so good, I got a 500,000 Naira job through a friend in an oil company with a 3bedroon in Lekki fully paid up for 3years by the company. By the way, I am Data Analyst but never practiced for a long time. I studied Computer engineering but for a long time grace did not smile on me. I take care of my kid and I really don't hate her and I am at peace with everything. She still has her job and doing well.

Please note that she did not tell me to leave, I left on my own volition. I could not share the same bed with my wife anymore she apparently could not muster enough strength to stop all iniquities for a conversation that will help see things through. Rather she is turning to blame it on me. We have however resolved to part on a friendly note for the sake of our child.

My reason for posting this is because most us sit behind the desk and computers and do not understood the demons everyone is battling. On a bad day, the best husbands are MONSTER, while the best wives are DEVILS. When we make judgment as males or female. We should not forget about our female child/children, same goes for the male child. I don't know what my wife tells people about what happened but I really don't care and I have made up my mind never to defend myself.

Thanks for reading.

Tunmi

OP I salute your maturity but one thing I have come to understand about women of today is that they get married with the mind set of seeing the Union as a business venture where their calculations is that the man or husband will do this and all that for me so when little set backs is experienced then they show their ugly character. Continue to take care of your kid and move on. Forgive her and follow your heart that is all I can say. YOU ARE REAL MAN.

1 Like

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Edzy: 3:04pm On May 14, 2020
You can only relate to this story when u bin there. When the man is the bread winner, the woman complain he is not lavishing enof on her, and when the chips are down even if she can assist she changes the goal post. The worst is they are very good at giving the impression their man is difficult to deal with. Shameless beings
Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Renida: 3:06pm On May 14, 2020
Ybaby:


You want the truth?

Any woman will act like OP wife... the husband may just never find out but she will seek masculine energy somewhere else
Usually from her boss at work.



You haven't answered the question. Why didn't you tow her line during your husbands moments of trial?


Trust me. I know atleast ten women around not given their husband this treatment even in similar trying moments

5 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by StivoeDevoe: 3:06pm On May 14, 2020
It is really not easy :
Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by emmaodet: 3:07pm On May 14, 2020
CAPSLOCKED:


THAT'S JUST THE FACT. YOU'RE HUNDRED PERCENT ON POINT.
THIS IS WHY I TELL MEN TO NEVER BE WITH A WOMAN THAT EARNS MORE THAN THEM. INFACT, LEAVE THE MARRIAGE ONCE YOUR JOB IS SHAKY. DON'T EVEN WAIT UNTIL YOU LOSE IT BECAUSE HELL FIRE IS BETTER THAN A MARRIAGE WHERE A WOMAN IS PAYING YOUR BILLS.

I think you need to rephrase it to Never be with a woman in the first place.
There is no point been with one if when my finance dips, she will start disrespecting me.
I don't need such respect, please they should keep it to themselves.
I can save more being alone with rest of mind while we can date as FWB, babymama, bedmates etc.
I feed myself, you feed yourself.
I face my own problems and carry my cross, you carry yours.
No point marrying a lower income earner because if they promote her tomorrow and earn more than me, she will disrespect me.
If my business dips tomorrow and she earns more, she will disrespect me.
I value my rest of mind, sanity and a life devoid of competition or regularly running because i don't want my woman to earn more than me to any Fvcking Marriage.
Make marriage sit down one place, make i dey my lane too

2 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Cherez: 3:07pm On May 14, 2020
linnyx:
Well, this is your own side of the story. All the same I commend you for being patient even in the midst of violent provocation - it only takes a true martial artist to restrain from hitting back.

One word of advice thought: if truly your hand is clean then you should explain to her parents and your parents what went wrong. You owe them and yourself that. For posterity sake; somebody needs to know what went down. It is important you do that. I know what I'm saying.

All the best
You will never understand
For a man to explain that his wife is the one who provides us a huge stigma

1 Like

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by abbey621(m): 3:08pm On May 14, 2020
So many mistakes, so many signs. There's no forgiving a cheating woman because what caused her to cheat is more complex than what causes men to cheat. It is emotional, it is a connection that transcends the physical. When you now add the 170k into the mix, did you ever query the source of the raise? Any woman that can convince you to move to a bigger place while still struggling, will never be good for you. In as much as the woman is to blame for most of the calamity, you also have to share blame as well. You were not your own man and clearly self confidence faded hence the physical and emotional abuse you suffered, Anyways life is a series of lessons, HOPE YOU LEARNT YOURS WELL WELL grin

6 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Nobody: 3:08pm On May 14, 2020
TUNMI THANKS FOR SHARING THIS. MEANS A LOT TO ME. HAVE SOMEONE AM DATING FOR A YEAR NOW. WE ARE NOT SEXUALLY COMPATIBLE AT ALL. SHE DOESN'T LIKE THIS SHE DOESN'T LIKE THAT AM TIRED OF ALL THIS. SO AM GONNA CALL IT QUITS. CAN'T GO INTO MARRIAGE WITH SOMEONE AM NOT SEXUALLY COMPATIBLE WITH. I HAVE BEEN SO UNHAPPY. SHE'S A GOOD GIRL THOUGH BUT THAT DOES'T CUT IT ALONE. I NEEDED THE COURAGE AND I FOUND IT IN THIS STORY.

4 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by OlawaleBammie: 3:08pm On May 14, 2020
Ybaby:
Such a sad story. Glad you are doing well.

See women are not good at paying a man's bills. We are not wired that way.

She starts seeing such a man as a child.

Once a man stops seeing the woman as his bread winner - the way will open for him like it opened for OP.

Young men get money! there is a financial clock for men.

OP, happy for you.



What u said is just the final answer.

I know some with perforated brain would have bashed u for this but trust me, u nailed it.

4 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Nobody: 3:09pm On May 14, 2020
Ybaby:


In a family setting the husband provides he protects - locks the doors at night, spiritual head, kids school fees, shelter, discipline etc

the wife nurtures basically she she does everything else - family health, ego stroking, storytime, PTA, Home cleaniness, Kids to school, Gifts for Teachers, Arranging holiday time, Nourishment etc

For the kids
She teaches affection and pampering - he teaches affection and courage
They both teach self esteem but it is more of his responsibility to let his kids know the child of who they are
They both do homework but it is her responsibility to teach and guide the child in the path of moral
They both teach business but it is more of Daddy's role
etc





Any job! some jobs are more feminine but she can do any job as long as she is able to perform the above duties for her family

I run a software company and code really well - we have a staff of about 30 programmers
I run an importation company and own 5 ecommerce websites that are doing quite well
Also a media company that is doing ok but could be better
Both companies are over 6 years and though my husband gave me capital - he does not ask me for money and he never will. Na man him be. grin



My husband is not required to do chores in the house at all. If he wants to - all well and good but he is a very busy man with plenty on his shoulder- because of him other men have a salary to feed their family.

I have helps that do chores and I coordinate. I cook dinner every night too and make sure we have a meal together Oga, myself and the children. We talk about our day and give support. Crack jokes - watch TV or play monopoly.
He also gives one weekend a month for family recreation and a vacation every year - all funded by him but organised by moi



Once a boss slapped by ass, I slapped him and my husband later locked him up. No one messes with the Queen.

I also never say no to seexx in 19 years. I respect my husband as in truly adore and respect him not audio type. He is a one of a kind man and he in turn adores me even more - I am the queen grin

Hope this answers your question
I hope to have a marriage like the picture you painted one day.

4 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Oyiboman69: 3:09pm On May 14, 2020
Vyolet:
Everytime a woman leaves a poor man or reacts badly to him, the man always end up having a well paying job and the woman always want to come back...
Op, you forgot to write the part where she is willing to come back and live with you in Lekki grin cheesy.

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Ybaby: 3:09pm On May 14, 2020
Renida:




You haven't answered the question. Why didn't you tow her line during your husbands moments of trial?


Trust me. I know atleast ten women around not given their husband this treatment even in similar trying moments

My husband did not have moments of trial longer than 3 months.

Join those women ma.
Feel free to feed him for 100 of years.
It is a free world madam

2 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by TheSuperiorRace: 3:09pm On May 14, 2020
tunmiluabi:
My story is quite long, please run through with patience.

I married my wife about 11 years ago. By the way I am 46 years old. Before I married my wife, I was not doing well neither was my wife. She was working with a multinational company, earning an equivalent of N40,000. I had a small graphic design business after trying many times to find a good job. I looked for jobs and contracts without any respite. But At this this time, my wife's support was good and I did appreciate every bit of it. At lest we survived on the low...

As time went on, I got a job in one international corporate training company as a Statistics and Business Analysis Instructor, was earning about 90,000 naira. During the times before I got my job, we had accumulated debt and my new job provided us an opportunity to pay them up.

We decided we were going to save part of her salary every month for servicing the debt and save the rest for a rainy day. I was supposed to pay the rent and all other domestic bills, light, kids school fees etc.. Some time she helped with food/groceries. After sometime, she advised we move to a bigger apartment. We still had a daughter by then. I obliged and we did.

To cut the story short, after four years of working, the company folded up because of government policies and we were all laid off. This meant we had to prepare for the hard life ahead. It was hectic and devastating. Me being me, I took it with all sense of grace and hope things will be fine. But the more I thought about this the worse things got. One day out of curiosity I asked my wife if it would be nice to have another child and she advised it was not the best time. I understood and agreed. I then advised my wife if we could start a business and with some savings we had, maybe I could use it to enhance my former business, maybe things might be better this time. She did not show any interest. This time I discovered changes in my wife.

One day she asked me if she could use part of them money to do a course, honestly I was shocked but asked why she did not oblige to my own request. She said "its my money I can use it for whatever I want". My wife however did the course.

To cut the story short, 3 years down the line, my wife stopped having sex with me and this continued for a long time. I became like "shit in her eyes". I lost a bit of confidence though. she would wake me with insults and barrage of dirty words. Because of our child, I agreed to stay a home and try to work online and seek clients and jobs from old client. It was not bad but not promising.

Fortunately for us, my wife got a promotion and her salary was increased to about 170,000. This actually brought out the worst in my wife. Her calmness disappeared and all decorum was buried. We would quarrel everyday and not talk for weeks. She became really mean and controlled everything at home. Please note, she is not a bad woman but can't explain the reasons up till date. I was with no option but to query her sincerity as a wife and that continued for a long time. Our sex life became zero, she would tell me having sex would make her pregnant and was not ready for a second child. Her stories kept on changing and became even worse, rather than coming home she would pass by her mom and be there till late in the night before coming home.

After about 3 years of trying to get something to do, I finally got a place on the island sometime in February 2018, where I would be paid a stipend of 50,000. In addition, I would use my free time to design, print and sell business cards to small companies. The overall income was small but enough for some immediate obligations at home. But to be fair, that was the best I could get since I have not had money in a long time. Unfortunately my wages were not consistent due to challenges the company was facing. But I used the Business card printing to augment wherever possible.

Later in 2018 around September, I discovered that my wife had been having an illicit engagement. She had a male fried and I finally got to know about it and confronted her. She did not deny it, she begged and I forgave her. Anyway, I had made up my mind to forgive because of the kid and I never told anyone till date. Moreover, since we were not making love that was of course enough reason for the drastic measure, I told myself. To be sincere I had lost feeling for my wife and sex was difficult. We finally started having sex but I had little to offer her. I would pretend and even have to watch Indecency to be able to have sex with her. I was dead inside. At least my wife was still with me. That was my solace. I guess trust was broken. She however continued with her escapades. The quarrels increased and got worse. There and then name calling became our breakfast and dinner. She advised that since I would never look at her the same and bringing little or nothing to the table that I was free to go. The quarrels went on for quite some time, my wife will go very violent on me some of the times. I am marshal artist with black belt and I have great restraint - for me, fighting and going violent on her was never on the table. One day I thought there was a need to move out and I did indicated to her that I was not comfortable living with her anymore.. That wherever I am, I will see how I can take care of the kids.

She did not care and things became difficult for me. I felt maybe I could stay for sometime, It might be a difficult condition but still not impossible. This became my Achilles heels. There and then I knew my relationship had broken and irreparable. I accepted there was nothing I could, but to be patient and tried to convince myself about our situations and believed our situation was bad, but God’s willing we would overcome. The fight even got worse and became very violent and physical, I would normally just take the beating or hold her hands to avoid any injuries.

The quarrels was beginning to be in the glare of my Kids and since it was not abating, there was little I could do to change the situation. I finally made up my mind on the 19th of May 2019 to move out, but actually moved out on the 30th of May, 2019. Before then on the 26th of May, 2019, I discovered my wife was again engaging in the illicit affair. She would claim she was going to church only to be found at a different location. Honestly I can’t blame her, I blame myself and the situation that caused the demise of our once cherished marriage. At this point in time I realised I had lost and had no fight in me anymore. My kids are still very young. Everyday quarrels, lack of sincere engagement, denials upon denials and her fear of facing her “DEMON” with little chance of her understanding the consequence of her actions - I was left with no choice but to stop FIGHTING. I had no fight left in me. The ultimate decision was to leave. I did not inform her parent about the issue because I had indicated to her I did not want them to look at her differently.

God so good, I got a 500,000 Naira job through a friend in an oil company with a 3bedroon in Lekki fully paid up for 3years by the company. By the way, I am Data Analyst but never practiced for a long time. I studied Computer engineering but for a long time grace did not smile on me. I take care of my kid and I really don't hate her and I am at peace with everything. She still has her job and doing well.

Please note that she did not tell me to leave, I left on my own volition. I could not share the same bed with my wife anymore she apparently could not muster enough strength to stop all iniquities for a conversation that will help see things through. Rather she is turning to blame it on me. We have however resolved to part on a friendly note for the sake of our child.

My reason for posting this is because most us sit behind the desk and computers and do not understood the demons everyone is battling. On a bad day, the best husbands are MONSTER, while the best wives are DEVILS. When we make judgment as males or female. We should not forget about our female child/children, same goes for the male child. I don't know what my wife tells people about what happened but I really don't care and I have made up my mind never to defend myself.

Thanks for reading.

Tunmi

You tried your best as a human, but the scripture says, "By strength shall NO MAN prevail." Based on all what you have said I have realized that you aren't spiritual. You believed in yourself and not God, and so you refused to give God a chance. Your quotation may sound nice: "On a bad day, the best husbands are monsters, while the best wives are devils." But it from the pit of hell. That it sounded nice doesn't mean it is ideal or divine. On a bad day, even the worst day the best of a godfearing man is exhibited. You can't be doing same thing and be expecting different results. Your family is under serious attack... Accept Jesus! He is the Prince of Peace. Ask Him to take the wheel and you'll see that your family will turn into the ideal family you'd desired!

1 Like 1 Share

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by pauloskilala(m): 3:09pm On May 14, 2020
To heir is human,to forgive is devine. All is well my brother.
Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by YemyTemmy: 3:09pm On May 14, 2020
tunmiluabi:
My story is quite long, please run through with patience.

I married my wife about 11 years ago. By the way I am 46 years old. Before I married my wife, I was not doing well neither was my wife. She was working with a multinational company, earning an equivalent of N40,000. I had a small graphic design business after trying many times to find a good job. I looked for jobs and contracts without any respite. But At this this time, my wife's support was good and I did appreciate every bit of it. At lest we survived on the low...

As time went on, I got a job in one international corporate training company as a Statistics and Business Analysis Instructor, was earning about 90,000 naira. During the times before I got my job, we had accumulated debt and my new job provided us an opportunity to pay them up.

We decided we were going to save part of her salary every month for servicing the debt and save the rest for a rainy day. I was supposed to pay the rent and all other domestic bills, light, kids school fees etc.. Some time she helped with food/groceries. After sometime, she advised we move to a bigger apartment. We still had a daughter by then. I obliged and we did.

To cut the story short, after four years of working, the company folded up because of government policies and we were all laid off. This meant we had to prepare for the hard life ahead. It was hectic and devastating. Me being me, I took it with all sense of grace and hope things will be fine. But the more I thought about this the worse things got. One day out of curiosity I asked my wife if it would be nice to have another child and she advised it was not the best time. I understood and agreed. I then advised my wife if we could start a business and with some savings we had, maybe I could use it to enhance my former business, maybe things might be better this time. She did not show any interest. This time I discovered changes in my wife.

One day she asked me if she could use part of them money to do a course, honestly I was shocked but asked why she did not oblige to my own request. She said "its my money I can use it for whatever I want". My wife however did the course.

To cut the story short, 3 years down the line, my wife stopped having sex with me and this continued for a long time. I became like "shit in her eyes". I lost a bit of confidence though. she would wake me with insults and barrage of dirty words. Because of our child, I agreed to stay a home and try to work online and seek clients and jobs from old client. It was not bad but not promising.

Fortunately for us, my wife got a promotion and her salary was increased to about 170,000. This actually brought out the worst in my wife. Her calmness disappeared and all decorum was buried. We would quarrel everyday and not talk for weeks. She became really mean and controlled everything at home. Please note, she is not a bad woman but can't explain the reasons up till date. I was with no option but to query her sincerity as a wife and that continued for a long time. Our sex life became zero, she would tell me having sex would make her pregnant and was not ready for a second child. Her stories kept on changing and became even worse, rather than coming home she would pass by her mom and be there till late in the night before coming home.

After about 3 years of trying to get something to do, I finally got a place on the island sometime in February 2018, where I would be paid a stipend of 50,000. In addition, I would use my free time to design, print and sell business cards to small companies. The overall income was small but enough for some immediate obligations at home. But to be fair, that was the best I could get since I have not had money in a long time. Unfortunately my wages were not consistent due to challenges the company was facing. But I used the Business card printing to augment wherever possible.

Later in 2018 around September, I discovered that my wife had been having an illicit engagement. She had a male fried and I finally got to know about it and confronted her. She did not deny it, she begged and I forgave her. Anyway, I had made up my mind to forgive because of the kid and I never told anyone till date. Moreover, since we were not making love that was of course enough reason for the drastic measure, I told myself. To be sincere I had lost feeling for my wife and sex was difficult. We finally started having sex but I had little to offer her. I would pretend and even have to watch Indecency to be able to have sex with her. I was dead inside. At least my wife was still with me. That was my solace. I guess trust was broken. She however continued with her escapades. The quarrels increased and got worse. There and then name calling became our breakfast and dinner. She advised that since I would never look at her the same and bringing little or nothing to the table that I was free to go. The quarrels went on for quite some time, my wife will go very violent on me some of the times. I am marshal artist with black belt and I have great restraint - for me, fighting and going violent on her was never on the table. One day I thought there was a need to move out and I did indicated to her that I was not comfortable living with her anymore.. That wherever I am, I will see how I can take care of the kids.

She did not care and things became difficult for me. I felt maybe I could stay for sometime, It might be a difficult condition but still not impossible. This became my Achilles heels. There and then I knew my relationship had broken and irreparable. I accepted there was nothing I could, but to be patient and tried to convince myself about our situations and believed our situation was bad, but God’s willing we would overcome. The fight even got worse and became very violent and physical, I would normally just take the beating or hold her hands to avoid any injuries.

The quarrels was beginning to be in the glare of my Kids and since it was not abating, there was little I could do to change the situation. I finally made up my mind on the 19th of May 2019 to move out, but actually moved out on the 30th of May, 2019. Before then on the 26th of May, 2019, I discovered my wife was again engaging in the illicit affair. She would claim she was going to church only to be found at a different location. Honestly I can’t blame her, I blame myself and the situation that caused the demise of our once cherished marriage. At this point in time I realised I had lost and had no fight in me anymore. My kids are still very young. Everyday quarrels, lack of sincere engagement, denials upon denials and her fear of facing her “DEMON” with little chance of her understanding the consequence of her actions - I was left with no choice but to stop FIGHTING. I had no fight left in me. The ultimate decision was to leave. I did not inform her parent about the issue because I had indicated to her I did not want them to look at her differently.

God so good, I got a 500,000 Naira job through a friend in an oil company with a 3bedroon in Lekki fully paid up for 3years by the company. By the way, I am Data Analyst but never practiced for a long time. I studied Computer engineering but for a long time grace did not smile on me. I take care of my kid and I really don't hate her and I am at peace with everything. She still has her job and doing well.

Please note that she did not tell me to leave, I left on my own volition. I could not share the same bed with my wife anymore she apparently could not muster enough strength to stop all iniquities for a conversation that will help see things through. Rather she is turning to blame it on me. We have however resolved to part on a friendly note for the sake of our child.

My reason for posting this is because most us sit behind the desk and computers and do not understood the demons everyone is battling. On a bad day, the best husbands are MONSTER, while the best wives are DEVILS. When we make judgment as males or female. We should not forget about our female child/children, same goes for the male child. I don't know what my wife tells people about what happened but I really don't care and I have made up my mind never to defend myself.

Thanks for reading.

Tunmi

So much to learn from this!! Really, your ex wife was never a good woman, the little change she got #170k as salary brought out her real attitude. Pls very important, make sure you take the kids from her.

How I wish I can hang out with you to see how the movie is actually playing out.
I must confess I appreciate your maturity
Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by atoleybaba(m): 3:10pm On May 14, 2020
faithfull18:
Hmmn, this sounds like fiction. I don't support divorce but if adultery is involved with evidences, then separation is advised. Biblically, either partners are expected not to marry again but you know in our present world, we read and act upside down.
actually, biblically if adultery is involved, he has every right to divorce most especially if the offending partner isnt willing to change. So madam don't come and quote wrongly here. And oh yes, he can remarry cos they are no longer married. The woman has broken her vows so there is no commitment holding them anymore
Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by weedfada(m): 3:10pm On May 14, 2020
emmaodet:


But this is very bad. What is marriage when we can't have each others back? Why should marriage be one sided to favour only women when things are good?

Why should we encourage a system that wants women to just be there with a man when he has money. That means - Owo epo laraye bani la, wan kin bani la teje. People will only lick your sugar hand and not bloody hand.
Life is all about you rub my back, i rub your back.
Ki owo jowo ni owo fin mo - you can only get a fully clean hand when you use both hands to rinse thoroughly and not just one.
If my wife won't be there for me when things are down, support me, raise a loan for me in her cooperative then there is no point marrying in the first place.
Let me enjoy my life a lone when i have so that i will suffer a lone when i don't have.
This is really bad and i don't encourage it.
Life is never a straight line graph. Today am working and earning, tomorrow i may run into turbulent times and lose my income or businesses or investments too.
Nothing is 100% predictable bro

Honestly I don't get it o walai... What's the point then. Make everybody then hold their side na... Eat alone, die alone!
Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Ybaby: 3:11pm On May 14, 2020
OlawaleBammie:



What u said is just the final answer.

I know some with perforated brain would have bashed u for this but trust me, u nailed it.

My bro as they are bashing me I am bashing them too

You sound like a provider man. God bless and increase you.

2 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Renida: 3:11pm On May 14, 2020
Ybaby:


My husband did not have moments of trial longer than 3 months.

Join those women ma.
Feel free to feed him for 100 of years.
It is a free world madam


Bad vibes swerve. Don't be quick to brag just yet. You have sons I believe. And you can't guarantee a day of your future


Peace

14 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by OlawaleBammie: 3:11pm On May 14, 2020
Ybaby:


Eventually all wives who pay all or some bills cheat. I am not saying it is good I am only stating the fact.

Wives who shelter thier husbands eventually become violent towards the husband.

See the bible knows what it was saying when it said a man who cannot provide is worse than an infidel... those wives may pretend to respect thier husband in his face but gossip their husbands to neighbours, family and friends letting them know they pay the Bills.

What OP experienced is even small. When a woman pays Bills she emasculates the man in front of him or behind him.... she will sha find a way to subliminally let the world know she wears the trouser.

Na so we see am. I pray for you that you are able to fully pay your household Bill's and kids bills if you add your wife's bill she will let the world know you are the MAN!

Sunny Ade said one man was made to escourt his wife to her boyfriend house.... na money cause am.

Man is on earth to pay Bill's, to work and uplift his family...... may all men be able to do this because the consequences of otherwise is severe.

An angel can become a witch if she is made to pay a man's bills

Ahh guy u get brain, u too get brain abeg.

opolo e ko ni jóbà

2 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Bulletproof: 3:11pm On May 14, 2020
CHoccolaTE:
OP, tunmi
When you had no job and she was providing were you assisting her with chores and childcare at least to make things easier for her and reduce stress or were you being bossy and expecting 24/7 complete submission from her?

Answer honestly.

I don't even trust marital stories on nairaland because the party telling the story will ALWAYS hide their own faults and magnify the wrongdoings of their partners


This doesn't give her the leverage to cheat

2 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Nnemuka(f): 3:12pm On May 14, 2020
Nnemuka:
You guys are always broke until you separate from your wife and boom you become rich . cheesy cheesy cheesy

una never tire for this type of yeye story?
Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Sam4eternallife: 3:12pm On May 14, 2020
Ephesians 5:21-33
[21]Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One).
[22]Wives, be subject (be submissive and adapt yourselves) to your own husbands as [a service] to the Lord.
[23]For the husband is head of the wife as Christ is the Head of the church, Himself the Savior of [His] body.
[24]As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands.
[25]Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her,
[26]So that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word,
[27]That He might present the church to Himself in glorious splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such things [that she might be holy and faultless].
[28]Even so husbands should love their wives as [being in a sense] their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself.
[29]For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and carefully protects and cherishes it, as Christ does the church,
[30]Because we are members (parts) of His body.
[31]For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. [Gen. 2:24.]
[32]This mystery is very great, but I speak concerning [the relation of] Christ and the church.
[33]However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly]. [I Pet. 3:2.]

Brother, your marriage can still be restored. For the sake of your children. Ask God for mercy. He'll help you. Sincerely humble yourself and go reconcile with your wife. If possible fast and pray, God can change her. You're not supposed to leave the home. This is purely satanic attack against your home using your wife against you. You couldn't discern it on time. Nevertheless, the damage can still be repaired. Your marriage is not irreconcilable.
I pray for you and your wife that God will bind both of you together again in Jesus name.

2 Likes

Re: I Was A Husband: My Experience by Ybaby: 3:12pm On May 14, 2020
Renida:




You haven't answered the question. Why didn't you tow her line during your husbands moments of trial?


Trust me. I know atleast ten women around not given their husband this treatment even in similar trying moments

Let me add that those women are abhoring infidels

So says the bible

Sorry they are abhoring worse than infidel

So says the bible

2 Likes

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