kingmurainah:
Y

Just4test:

Please read,i need your advice please

Amanee:


Stop being such a crybaby and cut that parasite off

Olarewaju89:
Her husband na mumu man. Why are dey disturbing your peace na... They should come and carry their loads in other for you to plan your life.

I explained all to my partner,she would always accept what i do.She doesnt argue anything with me

SageMK:
The thing with people is, when you give them an inch, they'll take up a mile. Bro you've to make it clear and set up boundaries or you'll soon marry your sister and her husband. Cut off support.

Donald3d:


Family, the Achilles heel of most people.

As I always say, don't start what you can't finish.

You need to stop being relaxed with this your line :



I am sorry but if you keep going at this pace, one day your wife to be, would wake up and tell you she is no longer interested.

Not because she doesn't love you, but because she would think and imagine this happening when she gets married to you.

This is the time to think of yourself too, not just for your partner, but for yourself.

It would hurt your sister, and your parents, but you need to move forward. You can't do that effectively if you keep draining yourself for them.

Build yourself, and when you get comfortable enough, you can help.
Because if you keep giving away almost all you have you would remain on the same spot. Its bad for you, and also bad for the people you think you are helping.

I know hard times and life happens to people and you should help and sacrifice for family when you can, but when it becomes a constant occurrence, you would not move forward, because you are draining yourself.

Let's use a drum and a bucket as an example. The drum is under a tap and you keep using the bucket to scoop from the drum to fill a leaking tank, without stopping, it would take you a long time to fill your drum and you may never fill it until you do what is right .

So what should you do ? Stop scooping water from your drum allow it to fill up ! , help mend the tank, and you might not even need to give water anymore to fill the tank.

Interpretation ?
Sit your sister and if possible her husband down and talk to them, make them understand the effect of their demands on you and your life, say it as politely as possible.

Ask them what their plans for revenue generation or job is , support them financially if you can to sponsor their revenue generation method, and make it clear that, in a long time, that's the last they would get from you, support them with prayers too.
Give them some time to stabilize so they can pack their stuff, and give them a time frame and be strict with it, don't let emotions move you.(This should mend the tank)
If they have no plans, give them ideas on what to do to generate funds for themselves. If they still don't take it seriously, then its not your fault, you have tried your best.

Now focus fully on yourself, build your business, build your relationship, GROW , (you are filling your drum without taking anything out of it)

Just be ready, because they would blame your partner for all your actions and tell you that you have changed .But keep reminding them that its your decision and you also need to find your feet and build your foundation. If you use all your resources to take care of them, who would take care of you ?

Its a hard decision to take, but you have to take it, you and even the people you are trying to please would enjoy it later, when you start "balling", because you invested in yourself !. You think the people who say its not easy to be a man were just talking ? Its the greatest and toughest part of being a man. DECISIONS. Once you conquer it effectively and handle it with wisdom, you can handle anything . Welcome to manhood !

Nigerian families need to understand that just because you are blood relations with someone doesn't mean you should drain them.
The people you are draining have a life too, they have needs, they have goals to achieve, sometimes they get broke too just to see you happy.
If you ask for help and they give you fine !, if they don't , don't make them feel guilty for it, they don't owe you anything !.

ibkayee:
Lean on me no be press me die, give some people an inch and they will take the entire state.

Your sister is a huge financial and mental burden, stop supporting her...I want to suggest the possibility of even cutting her off but that's up to you to decide.

I see nothing wrong with helping out where possible, but they are not supposed to be your responsibility. What does she do for a living? What's her husband been doing in all of this?

Your fiance is either really good at biting her tongue or really patient, you should be focusing on your own goals, particularly your up-coming marriage.

What the heck is the husband doing? Lol

MummyIMadeIt:
Your monicker isn't even helping matters.

Since it's just for test, then you should know all test have their elastic limit, it's either you cut them off or you let them be.

Just4test:

Same questions i have been asking my self.even if it is face me and face u..he should get 1..
I just dont know if he doesnt evej used to think..

Thank u alot,i really aprc8 this..God will give you peace of mind

ibkayee:
Lean on me no be press me die, give some people an inch and they will take the entire state.

Your sister is a huge financial and mental burden, stop supporting her...I want to suggest the possibility of even cutting her off but that's up to you to decide.

I see nothing wrong with helping out where possible, but they are not supposed to be your responsibility. What does she do for a living? What's her husband been doing in all of this?

Your fiance is either really good at biting her tongue or really patient, you should be focusing on your own goals, particularly your up-coming marriage.

What the heck is the husband doing? Lol

ToyinDipo:

Blessed are they who come to NL for advice

ibkayee:

ToyinDipo:

IBK

ToyinDipo:

Blessed are they who come to NL for advice

Greatzeus:
She lives in a 3 bedroom apartment but no steady source of income,the person who gives her money lives in a room and parlor
What is wrong with Nigerians? Who are you trying to impress? Why not cut your coat according to your size? If they live in a self contain I am sure they won't be this broke.

Just4test:
Please i would like to take some minutes from your busy schedule to explain to you all i really have to say.

I know this section is filled with married men and women.You might have come across this issue before or about to,i really need a very good advice...I am very sorry,this will be lenghty.

My current age 30 years old man,left my parent's house when i was 24.I currently live alone but i have a fiance about to get married soon.

The issue on ground is about my family,I have a younger sister.She got married last 3years..and moved into a new apartment with her husband.
Ever since she got married have not been having peace due to the financial state of her husband.I really don't know what happened all she told me was it was this and that..

I have sent hundreds of thousands for her to keep for my parent,Her and her husband spent the whole money without proper documentation.

Last 2 years,she gave birth and one way or the other i and my parent cater for all the needs..she had to bring the baby to my place for about a month since they believe the house was evil..This i never believed but i accepted in good fate.

Sometimes,she would just wake up one morning and tell her husband she is coming to my place?for what?
This kept on happening ,until last year.Their landlord asked them to move out of the house.I am managing a room and parlour self,and just planning to buy some little things just to prepare me for marriage..They were living in 3 bedroom flat.Immediately,the landlord asked them to leave,all she could think of was to bring all their 3 bedroom loads to my place..I rejected that but my parent knew about all this right from when they were spending all the money i sent to her to keep for them..so i can be free..

My parent intefered that i should please accept all the loads..the loads was too much..i collected it all since last year june,they told me it will just be for 1 month.

All my plans were now on hold,i am not progressing in my life as my house have been turned into store,i still have the loads in my house as i am typing this.
I explained all to my partner,she would always accept what i do.She doesnt argue anything with me.

My business was not improving since the very day i accepted all the loads,my business just turned upside down..

Last year september,she picked a fight with me because i refuse to allow her stay with me..even when i still can't breath with the loads here..
She called me all sort of names,Said i am proud because i have a sef contain and many abusive worda at me.

December last year my business started getting better but couldnt pay my rent as we speak.

Mum pleaded for us to settle last month,I told mum..have forgiven her but i need time to just forget all the insultives words she used at me..

The problem i am having is she is just too selfish,why should it be her alone?and she havent learnt that i love my privacy so much
And what if i am married is that the way she will be disturbing my peace up and down.
The annoying part is my parent are in side of her that i should allow her stay..after all the insults have recieved from her..

why should it be me?i don't have my life anymore
I just feel like taking just one bag and leave they should not even have my contacts anymore..this i told my mum.

I am tired,just tired.This night i was able to say enough words to my parent because i was so annoyed.
They might end up saying it was my patner's decision in which it was mine..i just love my privacy.
Please,Those who are my elders in this please help me..I am so hurt.

Sixfeetbelle:


You may find my advise somewhat uncomfortable, but if you pick a thing or two from it, then I'm glad I could help.

Can you comfortably rent a self contained/two bedroom for your sister for a year? If so, call your sister and rent one for her, so that their load can leave your place. Make sure the house is in another state so they can minimise communication with you. After that, call a family meeting with your parents and her in attendance. Tell them the paid rent is all you have capability for and once it expires, you won't give them any kobo ever again. Insist she find something doing within that time frame or consider being blacklisted by you forever; more like giving her an ultimatum. You need to make your stand clear for people to respect your opinion. That's how my brother behaves.

Why I advised the rent is so that it won't be as if you abandoned your family at the hour of their need. And with them gone, you and your fiancée can now focus on each other.

Sixfeetbelle:


You may find my advise somewhat uncomfortable, but if you pick a thing or two from it, then I'm glad I could help.

Can you comfortably rent a self contained/two bedroom for your sister for a year? If so, call your sister and rent one for her, so that their load can leave your place. Make sure the house is in another state so they can minimise communication with you. After that, call a family meeting with your parents and her in attendance. Tell them the paid rent is all you have capability for and once it expires, you won't give them any kobo ever again. Insist she find something doing within that time frame or consider being blacklisted by you forever; more like giving her an ultimatum. You need to make your stand clear for people to respect your opinion. That's how my brother behaves.

Why I advised the rent is so that it won't be as if you abandoned your family at the hour of their need. And with them gone, you and your fiancée can now focus on each other.