Do you know the sacrifices his family made on his behalf ? Go and sit down

He is very unreasonable

The people he is sending money to have built their houses and he is still renting..
Is this not wickedness

To commenter above, has he not paid enough for whatever sacrifices?

If he happen to die tomorrow now his kids will start suffering and forgive me when I say his siblings would probably not give a shit!

really

Anni3e:
It is what I plan on doing, I am setting aside funds for my kids I would tell him, I hate keeping secrets. At least he won't say I did not inform him.

I'd advise you don't tell him.
He might end up frustrating your efforts .
And buy any landed properties in YOUR name.

ProfAmaben:


I would use my small connection to get the a job, no matter how small, at least, that would make them independent to an extent. I called my friend one of my numerous roommates in unijos, I said, how far, my brother sabi python Wella, e fit show Lasgidi? e say, nothing dey for now but make e show. Na so e land 50k job o, today na 250k, e dey even send me money sometimes

I understand your point now, you are a believer in empowerement such that only the lazy sibling not willing to work will be left alone but the serious ones will get your help and when in need you will try to connect then to get job to do.

Anni3e:
Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keep sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.

He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keep asking him for money. He keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keep crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him.

His two junior brothers that always ask him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest.

His married sisters are the worst. If they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family.

We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drops two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately.

I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.

I am really pissed off and tired.

Sorry for the long post.

Don't waste your energy not including his name, by the law of marriage, once you get married you lose the right to own property in your name. What this means is that, if there is a need for divorce the property will be treated as marital assets and split between the spouse. It doesn't matter whose name is on it. Goodluck

Anni3e:
Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keep sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.

He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keep asking him for money. He keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keep crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him.

His two junior brothers that always ask him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest.

His married sisters are the worst. If they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family.

We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drops two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately.

I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.

I am really pissed off and tired.

Sorry for the long post.

This real problem here is not that your husband is giving his money to his family, the problem here is that your family doesn't have a financial plan. If there is no financial plan there is no budget and if there is no budget monies will find their way to whatever calls it. I will suggest you guys go see a councillor to help you through this, normally family financial plan ought to be created before you wedding day, the longer it takes to create one the more difficult it is to adapt to it. Get help and get it fast.

what you would do is to buy the land with out his knowledge, since he is yet to mature and leave his father's house to clich with his family.
he his still a toy boy in his family hands.
lastly be prayer full it could be voodoo powers that they are using on him, because ,may be, they never wanted him to marry you at the first place.

Don't go and buy a land without ur husband's name written in the paper or documents make him the head in everything u do, I believe he's a very nice man that forgotten about his own future and family to that of his siblings get the land made him start investing on it.

Yabaleft:


For where? There was a driver that used to work for me. While interviewing him, he told me his father was a surgeon. My jaw dropped. This guy no get waec.
I asked why he has no education . He said his father trained almost everyone in his village to the extent of sending children of villagers to school abroad. Unfortunately he died young and my driver was only 9 when the father passed.
No one helped them. He has 3 brothers, one is a welder, and the other spare parts seller.
Smh

This one Odikwa serious.

Addiction Took Over My Marriage | Set Boundaries In Your Relationships/Marriage

5 Things That Will Ruin Your Marriage



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4u95_hDd-eU

Anni3e:
Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keep sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.

He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keep asking him for money. He keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keep crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him.

His two junior brothers that always ask him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest.

His married sisters are the worst. If they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family.

We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drops two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately.

I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.

I am really pissed off and tired.

Sorry for the long post.

my dad is also like your husband .....may God punish them.

STARGREEN:
"I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property."

This is obviously the reason for your lamentations.

I pray you don't find yourself in her position. You would do even worse.

Most people keep commenting : ' When he dies, you and the kids won't get anything from his family" etc or something to that effect .

I notice even misguided men without much life experience are echoing these sentiment.

Question : What makes y'all so sure the husband will die first ? Why not give your advice with an open mind ,one way or the other without mentioning his imminent death. You are not God. The female may end up dying first. What the happens to the man and his kids,that she claims he's neglecting.

Think outside the box while giving your opinions..

bukatyne:


Families could be leeches and parasites.

And that picture is horrible.

She might not call them that if he were responsible enough to provide for her and the children. There's absolutely nothing wrong in giving, but don't do that at the expense of your immediate family. It hurts badly.

pocohantas:
The problem with Nigerian women is that you guys talk too much. At the end, your men don’t listen to you.

They only call you nags, petty, accuse you of trying to separate their family...etc

Talk less and act more! I don’t have time to be talking nonsense with you every time. I calculate my moves and proceed. After that, I activate my sit-down-dey-look-mode. If you wanna perish, you will perish alone.

But you don't have a husband though

Single ladies in their 30s always form bravado online but in reality, na your type dey mumu for husband pass

[quote author=Anni3e post=89699273]Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keep sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.

He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keep asking him for money. He keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keep crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him.

His two junior brothers that always ask him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest.

His married sisters are the worst. If they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family.

We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drops two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately.

I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.

I am really pissed off and tired.

Sorry for the long post.


Addiction Took Over My Marriage

5 Things That Will Ruin Your Marriage



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4u95_hDd-eU

Anni3e:
Nigerian women are cave women, how many men provide entirely for the home ?
Have you gone to any all Nigerian family to ascertain it is only men that provide for the family?
I see all you live for, is fighting gender wars on Nairaland and having arguments, don't try to bring that into this thread.

All this hyperventilation because you're not sharing bills with your husband. How is that my fault?

If you were really a provider and not one of the cave women, I see no reason why you should feel insulted by my comment.

vickydevoka:

U share bills, u don't withdraw totally, u husband must be a good man. Some men lyk my neighbor una go call everybody for area to settle una. U self go de ashamed

we do share bills but I only concentrate on feeding totally which you know it's expensive. What is good man does it mean if I am not working he will not do these things? I want him to grow up and learn how to do things like a man should do. He has a lot of misplaced priorities which is making me do too much that I forget to take care of my personal needs. I have talked for over ten years and decided to start acting. For the first time we couldn't pay rent at the right time because he was waiting for rent from me as usual while he has been sending bulk of his money to his people instead of thinking of rent. I have over tried and made him too nonchalant.

mrblessed:
You have finally shown your hands after failing to separate him from his family and create a wedge, now it is your imaginary savings that is your next weapon. When are you really going to get tired and peace a chance? See where your futile battle of nine years has taken you to. If you are a women who means well for your husband and his family, there is no way he would have ignored you all these years. I don't want to believe that your husband is a fool, who doesn't know what he is doing, why overwhelm yourself with anger. I surmise you are the type of woman that goes into marriage with screw driver, to loose/separate anyone whom you think is too close, or benefits from your husband. As it turns out now, there are some nuts that are very difficult to loose.

This is the dumbest response to this thread. You obviously have no experience whatsoever in matters of marriage. I have seen it happen over and again. It has nothing to do with the woman's approach. It stems from the unrealistic Messiah ship attitude of some of these men, trying to prove to the world that they have arrived and nice
Meanwhile, most of them cannot as much as provide ordinary meal to their immediate family. Just imagine, giving her #2000 as upkeep. That's callous and wicked. Is that the division you were referring to that she brought with her into the marriage?

Anyways, I am consoled by the saying that what goes around, comes around.

Anni3e:
Shut up. I have two very rich brothers, I have never demanded from them, my family knows their boundary and don't interfere in each other's business.

So uncouth!

Have you ever stopped to think that maybe your husband's behaviour is as a result of your bitter and nasty attitude? Perhaps he sees his family members as a more viable investment over you..

Please go ahead and secure your own future and that of your kids.. because I'm sure that nigga is planning his own without you.

If u have a son for him, they is no need not to include his name in the landed document u want to buy because @ d end d house/land will b c as a family house. God forbid even if he dies 2moro d land or house aumatically become d first son inheritance. Pls, because of ur children, don't buy any land without d consent of ur husband.

STARGREEN:
"I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property."

This is obviously the reason for your lamentations.

Very bad woman

akanbiaa:
I understand your point now, you are a believer in empowerement such that only the lazy sibling not willing to work will be left alone but the serious ones will get your help and when in need you will try to connect then to get job to do.

Exactly!!!

STARGREEN:
"I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property."

This is obviously the reason for your lamentations.

my broda i think say na only me see that part, and was Wondering if it's N2000 he gives her that she used in getting such## let's be truthful for once

Snaagg:


But you don't have a husband though

Single ladies in their 30s always form bravado online but in reality, na your type dey mumu for husband pass

Of course, it hurts you that some women do not carry your matter for head. This gives credence to my point. Sisters, don’t kill yourself over man troubles, they like it ooo!!!

The ones that have horseband, how far? Everyday thread for Nairaland. So much for being antagonized for not having one. Looks like no woman must escape the hell you all bring.


Hahahahahaha!

Anni3e:
I am not buying behind his back, I would tell him but I am not including his name. Do you know how many times I have told him to buy a land and start a project. He won't, he prefers spending all the money on his siblings.

Madam please dont listen to these people, they have never been in your shoes. I have an uncle who was exactly like your Husband. He was one of the biggest Shell contractors in Delta State. in the 90's. Growing up, this man's house was like Mecca. Every morning, you would find all kinds of people going there to ask for money. My uncle never said no. He gave, gave and gave. This man lived in a rented 3 bedroom apartment and sadly failed to build his own house due to bad financial planning. There was this incident i would never forget - I had gone to spend the holiday with this my uncle. On that fateful morning i was outside sweeping the compound when a lady approached and asked to know where a certain man lived. I told the lady the man she described was my uncle and this was his apartment, the lady refused to believe me and instead told me that the man she was looking for (my uncle) was not poor and would never live in such a place. I was only 9years old but i understood what she meant and it was hurtful.

Today, my uncle has a stroke and is disabled. He is being sustained by the wife and kids. Till today, this man never built a house and has no meaningful investment. None of the people he helped has come to his aid. They all deserted him.

So please, buy that land. Don't even involve your husband as he may squander your cash. Never put his name in any property you buy as his family members may take those properties in the event of his passing. Be very careful and smart about your finances, think of you and your kids First! If your husband is not interested in investments, invest by yourself.

crackland:

All this hyperventilation because you're not sharing bills with your husband. How is that my fault?

If you were really a provider and not one of the cave women, I see no reason why you should feel insulted by my comment.

She simply said you should shut up more, that is if being objective is so hard. Your reputation precedes you. You actually feel triggered by every thread, why? Are you not really a man?

Why do you also see the need to be everywhere?

Your answer is the same reason she replied you.

DBestDoc:


I don't think it's peculiar to first sons. It just depends on the family and any of the kids can be picked out as the Donkey/victim. Especially, that one with a kind and selfless heart.

I dated a man with similar trait as the OP's husband and in his case, he was even the last son, hahaha. He sponsored both his older and younger siblings through school, was taking care of their families and at the time we were together, he had started sponsoring most of his Nephews and nieces through school.

At some point, i advised him to give his siblings some capital and encourage them to start some business so as to relieve the financial burden. He waved that off with the excuse that his people are not business inclined.

Oya, upgrade your educational qualifications na for better future opportunities now that you're single and have the wherewithal, Mr man said ok and after a few days he came back with the excuse of having too much family responsibilities to spare any cash for such. Apparently, one of his siblings he shared the idea with told him the program was expensive. I offered to 'loan' him the fees but he rejected the offer.

He easily ran out of cash for someone earning in 6 figures at that time. He wasn't married, no children he wasn't spending the money on me obviously but he was almost always broke. Most phone calls he received whenever we were together were money requests from family. Account will turn red immediately after pay day (i started thinking he'd been jazzed, i didn't know what else to think about. lol)

I got to understand that doing those things made him happy. That feeling of being the messiah of his family gave him some sort of satisfaction and fulfillment that nobody was allowed to deprive him of. He always confided in me that he's been there for his family since he was a boy.

The love i had for him turned to PITY and then to indifference. I saw a wonderful man with a very good heart but was non-progressive this, i couldn't deal with. His family didn't love him enough to advise him to help himself while helping them. He was a dead weight that i needed to offload. After analyzing the situation one day, i RAN without telling him why. No drama, no quarrel, i just ghosted him i didn't want another begging or convincing.

Red flags everywhere. It's important for young people to consider all these things before choosing a life partner. It never gets better and once you're in, you're in. Running was one of the best decisions i've made as a woman. Man is already 40 now unmarried, no kids. I just feel so sad for him because he's a nice person.

God bless you for running sis. I had an uncle just like this. It ended in tears.

Anni3e:
Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keep sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.

He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keep asking him for money. He keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keep crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him.

His two junior brothers that always ask him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest.

His married sisters are the worst. If they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family.

We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drops two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately.

I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.

I am really pissed off and tired.

Sorry for the long post.

Give me ur husband num. Make I swear for am..
And mind u.. Jejely build ur house ooo n don't include him n don't even let him know..
This is for ur own sake n for ur kids....
A wise wife knows the right to do.. Since ur husband is foolish n doesn't want to build his own home... And still wouldn't listen to u his wife.. Maybe they have jazzed him. Anyways if na jazz sef him eye for Don clear.. But it appears ur hubby loves his bro n sis more than himself..
Las Las just build ur own house jejely jejely

ProfAmaben:

I'm the first born of my family and happily married. I have 4 siblings with one staying with us, there is no indoctrination here, just common sense. I trained my kid bro by buying him an online udemy python programming course for $15, today he's doing well in Lagos, my junior sister is also doing well, I don't dash money but you must use it to acquire a skill

Pls how does this program work? Would like to do the same for my kid bro. Any information will be helpful

You're so much on point!

eazzzy1:
Women do not always like it when their spouses give other people money, the 5000 or 10000 your husband gives his siblings is not the cause of his lack of investments.

There are lots of other ways your husband can cut cost but you are fixated on him not giving his family. Expunge that idea from your mind, it will always be seen as trying to put a wedge between him and his family.

If truly your husband is irresponsible with his money, love him through it and one day he will come to realization, if you can’t do that leave the marriage. You are already solely taking care of your immediate family, I’m sure you won’t miss him anyway?