Twoclans:


I know

I was expecting to see two clans waring only to see that

STARGREEN:
"I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property."

This is obviously the reason for your lamentations.
Modified:
For those quoting me wrongly always bear in mind that family is blood however bad yours may be.
Helping family will never stop his progress unless he has no plan.

In spite of how you twist a wrong...it never make a right for Candle bears no cost lighting Another.

did yoy read well before quoting her?

PEOPLE BE VERY CAREFUL TO ADVISE WOMEN

THEY CAN VERY DECEPTIVE

WOMEN ARE THE ONES THAT WILL CALL THIEVES TO COME AND STEAL AND INFORM THE OWNERS TO COME CATCH THE THIEVES

I DONT ADVISE ON ONE SIDED STORY, ESPECIALLY IF THE ONE SIDED TELLING THE STORY IS A WOMEN. THEY CAN BE SADLY DECEPTIVE

WOMAN, IF YOU ARE PLAYING WELL THE ROLE OF WIFE TO YOUR WIFE YOU WILL NOT BE IN DARK OF HIS FINANCE AFFAIRS

CHECK YOURSELF VERY WELL

You didn't get the writer. It is not a healthy family relationship. It is a selfish one where the other person has a weakness known to them all, that he can't say no to them and they are sucking him dry. The day the guy crash you will discover they never loved him

STARGREEN:
"I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property."

This is obviously the reason for your lamentations.
Modified:
For those quoting me wrongly always bear in mind that family is blood however bad yours may be.
Helping family will never stop his progress unless he has no plan.

In spite of how you twist a wrong...it never make a right for Candle bears no cost lighting Another.

Every marriage needs a reasonable third party. Someone who maybe his pastor, uncle, friend, aunt etc who is usually objective and straightforward enough to speak truth without fear or favour.
First talk to him n this time change ur behavior n speech in such a way that he can see ur point. Talk to him about the land n money u have. If no changes then
Get the third party involved here because I believe must have told him severally.
But when meeting with such person, get the issues correctly. U shouldn't sound like they are leaching him. But u should come from the side of him getting his priorities right and achieving some feats like his brothers.

Anni3e:
Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keep sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.

He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keep asking him for money. He keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keep crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him.

His two junior brothers that always ask him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest.

His married sisters are the worst. If they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family.

We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drops two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately.

I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.

I am really pissed off and tired.

Sorry for the long post.

ProfAmaben:

For your husband to say that you are turning him against his family means he's myopic in reasoning. Everyone should be smart to know that their family comes first. What if he loses his job or business goes bad, who would help him? I'm sure he hasn't even built his house, helping is good, not at your detriment

I always say one has to be selfish at first in order to become selfless...Else u might end up in penury.

OP, THE PROBLEM HERE IS YOU, AND I HAVE TO BE VERY SINCERE TO YOU.
I can easily make out the fact that you distanced yourself from your husband's family right from the beginning.

Every right thinking man knows that FAMILY is everything; this includes his father, mother, siblings, wife and children.

The best may to have the best out of your marriage is to 'marry and care for your husband's family' as much as you marry and care for him.

Any man who abandons his immediate family because he got married if clearly a foolish man, and your husband is not one.

Also, it is the duty of your husband to love you and your children and provide for you with your support, financially and emotionally.

No woman that ever separates her money from the husband's money ever has a happy home.

You are busy 'hidding your m0oney' from your husband and expecting him to sacrifice ALL that he makes on you and your children without looking after his immediate family.

MY ADVICE:
Make out a strategy to personally get closer to your husband's immediate family members and show care for them as well.
Ensure you have adequate time for them and your mother-in-law, once in while.
Always ask your husband how his siblings are doing and proffer advise/solution.
Do things on your own for his sibling without telling him; let them inform him. You'll be so surprised how this act works in your favour.
Discuss your finances with your husband and do not hide such from him.
The best way to love your husband and get the very best from him and his immediate family is to try as much as possible to get very close to his beloved immediate family and do not attempt to separate yourself or him from the family.
If you ever buy any property by yourself without his knowledge and consent, this would mean that you have separated/divorced your husband already and he may help you to perfect the divorce.

FEARS:
You'll be surprised to realize that your good husband knows all that you may be hiding from him but has decided to allow sleeping dog lie, for peace to reign.
YOUR HUSBAND IS A VERY GOOD MAN. WE KNOWS SUCH MEN BY THE WAY THEY'RE ATTACHED TO AND VALUE FAMILY.

Just try and be a part of the enlarged family, cos when you married your husband, it was not only him you got married to. You're also 'married to his family'.

I am very certain that if you break all boundaries/barriers and see your husband's immediate family as an extension of yours, then you'll definitely be able to have some good discussions with your good husband, and in love, manage all the issues with him to your own advantage.

I have same kind of experience, he keeps giving his family money, his married sister's keep asking for money, he doesn't have a house in his name too while his siblings live in well furnished flat. when he had a problem, they all deserted him, no calls from them anymore until he bounced back, then the call started again, I have been praying about it and he is beginning to realise himself, things are changing gradually,and constant reminder of him not owning anything compared to his siblings. mind you he is not the first son, he is the fifth child.

Anni3e:
Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keep sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.

He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keep asking him for money. He keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keep crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him.

His two junior brothers that always ask him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest.

His married sisters are the worst. If they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family.

We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drops two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately.

I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.

I am really pissed off and tired.

Sorry for the long post.

Madam, I'm sorry to say, but you are a bad wife. You are living with a man, a first son for that matter, and the only complaint you have is that he helps his siblings 'unnecessarily'; nawao. If my sister-in-law is like that, hmmmmmn, I no go talk wetin dey my mind. My own brother, born and brought up together, same blood? Inaa! The fact that your husband sends money to his people has nothing at all to do with him not buying a land. They remain his family, and if anything bad happens to any one of them, he still has to either go, or send money, which is still spending. Now you can afford a plot of land, so you want to use that as a 'proof' that he's not been a good husband. Trust me, any man would be better off that the wife with a plot of land, always nagging about him helping his siblings, go to her plot of land and leave him with his children.
How can you so bluntly talk a man against helping his siblings? Just try make your in-laws no catch you with this reasoning

dbestuncle:
You didn't get the writer. It is not a healthy family relationship. It is a selfish one where the other person has a weakness known to them all, that he can't say no to them and they are sucking him dry. The day the guy crash you will discover they never loved him

If his family is not lacking, how are they "sucking him dry"? Op is just unaware of the implications of standing between a man and his family in the African setting. There seem to be some atom of resentment towards his family as well. She better thread carefully, as her land money de shark her so

My sister i can feel your pain but apply wisdom, buy the land with your name and invest for your kids. God loves you

I am not the cause of your illiteracy. Next time read and understand before mentioning people to spew garbage from that underutilized decoration you call a brain.

Kenstufez:
How you were raised matters alot, its either you're wicked or you were never close to your siblings growing up. Most first daughters of the family always watches out for their younger one's both in prayers, financialy and various other ways to make sure they succeeds and its quite irresponsible to say you only care for yourself( if you don't care for your siblings would you care for others? No! Your parents? No! Wickedness!!).

Anni3e:
LMAO, so because I told him to give less to his siblings and build up himself that's means I have been trying to create wedge between him and his family ?
As for my saving whether it is imaginary or not, it is none of your business.
You are no different from his siblings, it is your type that would suck his rich family member dry and see his wife as an enemy that has come to drive wedge between you.

Madam plan your life. Buy your land in your name or in the name of the kids. As you are right now you are in difficulty. If he dies now, the roof over your head is gone since he pays rent. Go and settle the issue of accomodation. He has no plans for you and your kids.

bukatyne:
Instead of telling your husband to stop 'spending on his family', point him to projects he can spend money on.

E.g. 'My friend said there is one cheap land at Igbo Tutu' or 'how I wish we had our house, we wouldn't be bothered about Baba Mulika asking for rent every year' or 'there is one mutual funds that the entry is N200k and you get 15% returns per year. We can be paying Junior's fees from the interest'. You can also bring up investment for your kids etc.

You know what works with your husband so explore that. Also appreciate him for what he does so far.

@buying your land: I am not a fan of spouses buying stuffs behind each other so I will say deposit the money in mutual benefit/Chapel Hill/Piggybank for now while you try to make him see reason. I particularly don't like the fact you want only your name on the land; recipe for disaster as your husband is not hiding his own funds; he is just not spending it wisely.

You should also understand where your husband is coming from: in some cultures, the 'worth' of the first son/husband of the first daughter is their ability to fund everyone's lifestyle without complaint while their own immediate family suffers.

It is a recurring theme so you re-orientate him in love and harmony to see that his family can and will survive without his handouts.

Also note that if he goes 360 and stops funding his siblings, it can cause problems for you'all.

See as your sense plenty

Buy the land.

Speak with a lawyer and see what the pros and cons are with regards to keeping your husband's name off the paper.

Would he be willing to put money into the property if his name is not on it?

Can you somehow get a counselling session with a lawyer or maybe a pastor (I'm not religious but it could work) that you both respect?

Anni3e:
Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keep sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.

He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keep asking him for money. He keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keep crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him.

His two junior brothers that always ask him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest.

His married sisters are the worst. If they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family.

We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drops two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately.

I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.

I am really pissed off and tired.

Sorry for the long post.

I don't need to be educated to know that any first daughter of a family that doesn't care about her siblings is "Wicked', get that to your selfish coconut brain!!

Amanee:
I am not the cause of your illiteracy. Next time read and understand before mentioning people to spew garbage from that underutilized decoration you call a brain.

I don't need be educated to know that any first daughter of a family that only cares about herself is wicked and selfish. Get that to your empty coconut head!!

Amanee:
I am not the cause of your illiteracy. Next time read and understand before mentioning people to spew garbage from that underutilized decoration you call a brain.

Kenstufez:
I don't need be educated to know that any first daughter of a family that only cares about herself is wicked and selfish. Get that to your empty coconut head!!

Typical numbskull, jumping into conclusions without deductive reasoning or logic

What part of my post states that I don't care for my siblings, you just read and understand with your deek only to start masturbating in my mentions.

If I don't even care for them is it your business? Or my post struck a sore chord in you because you're a grasping and parasitic sibling. Try to get a life and get off my mentions, asswipe.

Read through your post and see how you were boasting of knowing only yourself.

It caught my attention because you also stated that you're the first daughter the family of 7. I'm not asking you to kill yourself for your siblings but you need to know that first daughters unites and support their younger ones morally and financially(this applies to the financially buoyant ones) and they derive alot of joy seeing that their younger ones are successful.

If you're not yet their and you're still hustling, put them in your prayers, not typing rubbish on platforms like this, showing how much you care only for yourself and how strong and independent you THINK you're.

Amanee:


Typical numbskull, jumping into conclusions without deductive reasoning or logic

What part of my post states that I don't care for my siblings, you just read and understand with your deek only to start masturbating in my mentions.

If I don't even care for them is it your business? Or my post struck a sore chord in you because you're a grasping and parasitic sibling. Try to get a life and get off my mentions, asswipe.

You see how you don't read, where in my post did I state that I'm from a family of 7? Your tatafo did not allow you see clearly. My simple post is grating your entitled ass thats why you jumped into negative conclusion. Choke on your advice because I don't need it.

Kenstufez:
Read through your post and see how you were boasting of knowing only yourself.

It caught my attention because you also stated that you're the first daughter the family of 7. I'm not asking you to kill yourself for your siblings but you need to know that first daughters unites and support their younger ones morally and financially(this applies to the financially buoyant ones) and they derive alot of joy seeing that their younger ones are successful.

If you're not yet their and you're still hustling, put them in your prayers, not typing rubbish on platforms like this, showing how much you care only for yourself and how strong and independent you THINK you're.

I didn't go back to the post just went through it again

Yours is not as bad, sorry for the inconveniences fine girl/lady. I won't mention your post another day.

Amanee:
You see how you don't read, where in my post did I state that I'm from a family of 7? Your tatafo did not allow you see clearly. My simple post is grating your entitled ass thats why you jumped into negative conclusion. Choke on your advice because I don't need it.

Twoclans:


I know

so you changed you dp .....still wierd

Viciheaka:
so you changed you dp .....still wierd

LOL

Pot calling kettle black

Buy the land in your name and build but don't tell him until the house is completed. Prepare for your tomorrow!

CalvinGaye:



I swear, you know this TRUTH

I had a Paternal billionaire Uncle (direct younger bro to my dad) who used to do this same things for my younger uncle and their Married sisters ( my aunt's). He was literally their lifeline. But then he died last year(his wife was also deceased) and guess what that younger uncle of mine said "that he foolishly killed himself" ( coz he died of HIV complications) someone that was your life's pedestal. To make it worse, one of my aunt's was even shouting "he didn't give me enough while he was alive, now he's dead let me enjoy it" damn! Na then i know say this World no be here oh! Real Wicked!!!

Dirty liar!

You conveniently left out the part you played in sucking him dry!

Stingy wife.
Where were you when he was struggling with his siblings.

ProfAmaben:

I'm the first born of my family and happily married. I have 4 siblings with one staying with us, there is no indoctrination here, just common sense. I trained my kid bro by buying him an online udemy python programming course for $15, today he's doing well in Lagos, my junior sister is also doing well, I don't dash money but you must use it to acquire a skill

ProfAmaben what specific programming course? I'd like to start. Can I please have the link to the course so I can buy?

Raustin:
ProfAmaben what specific programming course? I'd like to start. Can I please have the link to the course so I can buy?

What do you want to achieve through programming? Do you wanna be a Web developer that builds Web applications (e-commerce, blogs, banking portals) etc. or a programmer interested in Data science and machine learning (Data forecasting)?

Do you wanna be an operating system expert? See, programming is a broad field, let me hear your interest.

A Web developer.

ProfAmaben:


What do you want to achieve through programming? Do you wanna be a Web developer that builds Web applications (e-commerce, blogs, banking portals) etc. or a programmer interested in Data science and machine learning (Data forecasting)?

Do you wanna be an operating system expert? See, programming is a broad field, let me hear your interest.