lahizak:

Many of us were sexually active as teenagers so what im about to say is in reference to teenagers or those of us that started having sex in the university years. At this stage, during ur 1st sex with a girl 80% of the girls will say something like no when u wanted to have sex and this comes after they have given u all other sex vibes. And all they wanted is a little push from the guys. I know this because lot of girls that said no to me at first trial end up yabbing me days later that i'm not a tough guy or im not man enough. And im sure lot of guys can testify to this... what im saying in essence ks that girls need to do better. Always back your no with actions

Well now you’re hopefully grown and know better.
Be intelligent.
If they say no, leave them alone. They can say what they want about you not coercing them enough but they can’t say you forced them.

It’s victim blame at all costs

Biglittlelois:



What irks me is when they say going to a man's house automatically means consent to sex, does that even sound sane to a rational mind? Saying that nonsense means men cannot function, control, and think without their diick, what does that say about men generally, why won't Genevieve say we live in constant fear of men,

I've been to my male friends house plenty of times and nothing sexual happened, those are men that are focused and responsible and of sound mind, they really should stop with the bullshit " don't go to a man's house", it is pure nonsense.

cococandy:


Yes it’s rape. She’s not ready to go all the way that day. Next time try again.

Ask, “are you willing to make out, to engage in pre-intimacy and to eventually have my peniis is your vàgina? If she doesn’t give a convincing and resounding yes, do not continue.

Sounds too technical for a romantic situation? Well maybe that’s what YOU especially have to do since you can’t tell when someone is horrny for you or not.
If someone wants to have sex with you, they’ll have as much enthusiasm as you going into the sex. There will be absolutely no questions. You won’t need to beg, to persuade , to harass etc all those games that some of you play to get sex.

I don’t understand men who sense hesitation, see struggles, hear NOs and still think that they are having an appropriate sexual encounter. Is the need to dip it in at that moment so much more than your need to know that you both thoroughly enjoyed it?

@Bold:

What happens if babe was enthusiastic during kissing, smooching and then the guy starts penetrating and suddenly, the lady says no.

Did he read her initial enthusiasm wrong? Is he supposed to check her enthusiasm per activity?

Does the babe also check his enthusiasm when she is giving him BJ for instance?

Is this consent supposed to work both ways?

rockstarB:

Ideally NO, but what I'm seeing all over will make one think its gender based. Like what this guy said, if the role was reversed a woman would tag it rape, especially after a fallout.

The idea of consent has always been female based.

cococandy:


Well now you’re hopefully grown and know better.
Be intelligent.
If they say no, leave them alone. They can say what they want about you not coercing them enough but they can’t say you forced them.

Yeah. Now im grown and the way and who i have sex with has changed drastically. But the problem now is that does girls back when we were young and foolish are coming out 2 claim we raped dem simply because we persuade them to have sex with us back then. Now those girls are tarnishing d image we worked for by calling us rapist. I have never been accused of rape though.

bukatyne:


@Bold:

What happens if babe was enthusiastic during kissing, smooching and then the guy starts penetrating and suddenly, the lady says no.

I already answered that. Yes it’s rape. Maybe she was enthusiastic about kissing him. Not about penetration. Not all kisses must end in penis and vagina fusion. You might very well want to kiss someone but not copulate with them. Male and female alike.

Did he read her initial enthusiasm wrong? Is he supposed to check her enthusiasm per activity?

maybe he didn’t read the initial enthusiasm wrong. But he sure as hell would be reading it wrong if he continues after she has said NO.

Does the babe also check his enthusiasm when she is giving him BJ for instance?

Yes she does. very easy to check. You have your mouth wrapped around a dyck and the owner of the dyck starts saying “No. Stop.” Maybe even pushing your head away.

What do you want to continue for please? Is it cooked steak that doesn’t have a voice? It’s a human. You make eye contact. Is he enjoying it? Babe can I do it better? Tell me how you like it. More tongue? More saliva? If you’re having consensual sex, you will know when the person is out of the feeling and respect their feeling. It’s basic respect.

Is this consent supposed to work both ways?

Absolutely.

lahizak:

Yeah. Now im grown and the way and who i have sex with has changed drastically. But the problem now is that does girls back when we were young and foolish are coming out 2 claim we raped dem simply because we persuade them to have sex with us back then. Now those girls are tarnishing d image we worked for by calling us rapist. I have never been accused of rape though.

If any of those girls ever said no and/or pushed you away yet you continued and forced your way in, then it was rape. Ignorance doesn’t excuse you from the law.
Your best bet is that none of them comes forward to complain. Which they rarely do anyway.

You guys are acting like the bulk of accusers are women who started having consensual sexual activity with you and then changed their minds after ward. That’s not the case. the truth is that such ladies will rarely come forward seeing as folks will be ever ready use their initial willingness to tear down their claims.

My advice to you, please kindly stop minimizing the pain of rape victims because you’re trying to prove a point or maybe you’re somewhat scared that some girl from the past might decide to come forward. I can assure you the likelihood of that is low. Now let’s focus on people who are actually coming forward and complaining. Maybe if people listened and let trusted authorities do the investigation, we might get somewhere

cococandy:
I already answered that. Yes it’s rape. Maybe she was enthusiastic about kissing him. Not about penetration. Not all kisses must end in penis and vagina fusion. You might very well want to kiss someone but not copulate with them. Make and female alike.
maybe he didn’t read the initial enthusiasm wrong. But he sure as hell would be reading to wrong if he continues after she has said NO.

Yes she does. very easy to check. You have your mouth wrapped around a dyck and the owner of the dyck starts saying “No. Stop.” Maybe even pushing your head away.

What do you want to continue for please? Is it cooked steak that doesn’t have a voice? It’s a human. You make eye contact. Is he enjoying it? Babe can I do it better? Tell me how you like it. More tongue? More saliva? If you’re having consensual sex, you will know when the person is out of the feeling and respect their feeling. It’s basic respect.


Absolutely.

Its not as easy as that. Dere was a popular video on twitter where the girl was giving Mouth Gig to a guy. The was obviously overwhelmed with it and he tried running away but somehow the babe still pinned him dowm with d Mouth Gig. Since it was a guy everybody naturally calls d guy the luckiest man alive but according to u, thats rape

lahizak:

Its not as easy as that. Dere was a popular video on twitter where the girl was giving Mouth Gig to a guy. The was obviously overwhelmed with it and he tried running away but somehow the babe still pinned him dowm with d Mouth Gig. Since it was a guy everybody naturally calls d guy the luckiest man alive but according to u, thats rape

To me that is rape if the guy was obviously trying to run away and she pinned him down.
But you don’t know me so you make your conclusion to suit your bias. Classic.

Check who was calling him the luckiest man alive, majority would be his fellow men. Fix the problem within

cococandy:


If any of those girls ever said no and/or pushed you away yet you continued and forced your way in, then it was rape. Ignorance doesn’t excuse you from the law.
Your best bet is that none of them comes forward to complain. Which they rarely do anyway.

You guys are acting like the bulk of accusers are women who started having consensual sexual activity with you and then changed their minds after ward. That’s not the case. the truth is that such ladies will rarely come forward seeing as folks will be ever ready use their initial willingness to tear down their claims.

My advice to you, please kindly stop minimizing the pain of rape victims because you’re trying to prove a point or maybe you’re somewhat scared that some girl from the past might decide to come forward. I can assure you the likelihood of that is low. Now let’s focus on people who are actually coming forward and complaining. Maybe if people listened and let trusted authorities do the investigation, we might get somewhere

Actually, girls are the one turning a bad sex or a regretted sex into rape and by so doing taking the light or relevance or credibility out of the real rape victims. Few days ago everybody, male, female, old and young were talking in one voice against rape, then suddenly lot of girls are coming out with stories of this amd that. Now go check twitter and u will notice that people are busy contradicting each other just like me and u right now. Sincerely, some ladies need to chill. Bad sex or regretted sex is not and can never be rape

cococandy:


To me that is rape if the guy was obviously trying to run away and she pinned him down.
But you don’t know me so you make your conclusion to suit your bias. Classic.

Check who was calling him the luckiest man alive, majority would be his fellow men. Fix the problem within

Im sorry if i appeared to make conclusions about u. That was not my intention. The purpose of this imteraction is not to attack ur personal being or ur personal view but just to enlighten more on the issue on ground and the way im speaking doesnt in any way means im a rapist apologist, just like u, i believe any rapist should be dealt with according to the law of d land

lahizak:

Actually, girls are the one turning a bad sex or a regretted sex into rape and by so doing taking the light or relevance or credibility out of the real rape victims. Few days ago everybody, male, female, old and young were talking in one voice against rape, then suddenly lot of girls are coming out with stories of this amd that. Now go check twitter and u will notice that people are busy contradicting each other just like me and u right now. Sincerely, some ladies need to chill. Bad sex or regretted sex is not and can never be rape

Since none of your past ladies has come out to say you raped them, what are the chances that these ladies who are coming out are those who merely regret their sexual encounter?

What proof do you have that they weren’t raped?
Lots of girls are raped daily in Nigeria. That’s a fact. If they all come out, what you’re hearing now will be child’s play.
But what do you people do? In order to avoid listening to them, you’d rather call them liars and make up scenarios in your minds of what might have actually happened. All this to avoid the possibility of hearing the truth.

lahizak:

Im sorry if i appeared to make conclusions about u. That was not my intention. The purpose of this imteraction is not to attack ur personal being or ur personal view but just to enlighten more on the issue on ground and the way im speaking doesnt in any way means im a rapist apologist, just like u, i believe any rapist should be dealt with according to the law of d land

Thank you

cococandy:


Since none of your past ladies has come out to say you raped them, what are the chances that these ladies who are coming out are those who merely regret their sexual encounter?

What proof do you have that they weren’t raped?
Lots of girls are raped daily in Nigeria. That’s a fact. If they all come out, what you’re hearing now will be child’s play.
But what do you people do? In order to avoid listening to them, you’d rather call them liars and make up scenarios in your minds of what might have actually happened. All this to avoid the possibility of hearing the truth.

If u are to put a percentage on it. How many percent of sexually active girls do you think have been raped in nigeria. I know u dont know the actual percentage, im just asking u based on ur knowledge and assumption. How many percent will u say

lahizak:

If u are to put a percentage on it. How many percent of sexually active girls do you think have been raped in nigeria. I know u dont know the actual percentage, im just asking u based on ur knowledge and assumption. How many percent will u say

I prefer not to answer. This is a serious subject. Assumptions won’t help our cause to prevent or reduce rape. Instead they might hurt the cause.

cococandy:

1. I already answered that. Yes it’s rape. Maybe she was enthusiastic about kissing him. Not about penetration. Not all kisses must end in penis and vagina fusion. You might very well want to kiss someone but not copulate with them. Make and female alike.

2. Maybe he didn’t read the initial enthusiasm wrong. But he sure as hell would be reading to wrong if he continues after she has said NO.

3. Yes she does. very easy to check. You have your mouth wrapped around a dyck and the owner of the dyck starts saying “No. Stop.” Maybe even pushing your head away. What do you want to continue for please? Is it cooked steak that doesn’t have a voice? It’s a human. You make eye contact. Is he enjoying it? Babe can I do it better? Tell me how you like it. More tongue? More saliva? If you’re having consensual sex, you will know when the person is out of the feeling and respect their feeling. It’s basic respect.

4. Absolutely.

1. Obviously not all kisses or smooching ends in sex. I was talking of a specific scenario.

2. Ok.

3. Ok,

4. I think your consent form makes sense since people are no longer able to decide what they want. At least, no one can scream rape when the signed forms are produced.

Post script:
This consent talk has only addressed one side of the coin: respecting the feelings of the person who within action doesn't feel like it anymore. What happens to the other party? What if the person doesn't feel like it half-way all the time, what happens? What if required a party uses lack of continued consent as a punishment?

cococandy:


If any of those girls ever said no and/or pushed you away yet you continued and forced your way in, then it was rape. Ignorance doesn’t excuse you from the law.
Your best bet is that none of them comes forward to complain. Which they rarely do anyway.

[b]You guys are acting like the bulk of accusers are women who started having consensual sexual activity with you and then changed their minds after ward. That’s not the case. [/b]the truth is that such ladies will rarely come forward seeing as folks will be ever ready use their initial willingness to tear down their claims.

My advice to you, please kindly stop minimizing the pain of rape victims because you’re trying to prove a point or maybe you’re somewhat scared that some girl from the past might decide to come forward. I can assure you the likelihood of that is low. Now let’s focus on people who are actually coming forward and complaining. Maybe if people listened and let trusted authorities do the investigation, we might get somewhere

The fight against rape on both genders would be greatly helped if people who fall in the bold are separated from other cases.

cococandy:


I prefer not to answer. This is a serious subject. Assumptions won’t help our cause to prevent or reduce rape. Instead they might hurt the cause.

What i'm finding hard to take is that if you ask 20 girls if they hade at one point or the other been raped or sexually abuse 15 of them will say yes. Statistically that means 75% of ladies have been sexually abused or rape which in turn means that 75% of we guys are rapist and sexual abusers. Thats a hard pill to swallow as a guy.

eyinjuege:
When a woman who comes to your house, and even agrees to kissing you or even smooching together suddenly has 2nd thoughts and says NO- and you continue and forcefully continue to kiss and penetrate her, that's RAPE.
It becomes rape when your partner decides she's no longer interested in continuing the trysts.
There's nothing like she was saying no , when she meant yes.
It's really a very simple basic concept.
I know some Nigerian brothers in prison abroad right now because they refused to stop when their love interest didn't want to continue.
You can give implied or even worded consent to sex, but once you decide to not go ahead, you can also withdraw the initial consent you gave.
It's really not rocket science

Whilst many are in jail based on false accusations from "scorned", bitter and vindictive women.

bukatyne:


1. Obviously not all kisses or smooching ends in sex.

Excellent.

Post script:
This consent talk has only addressed one side of the coin: respecting the feelings of the person who within action doesn't feel like it anymore. What happens to the other party? What if the person doesn't feel like it half-way all the time, what happens? What if required a party uses lack of continued consent as a punishment?

I don’t think this person is being held against their wish in the relationship (or whatever they define it as).
The person who constantly gets a no halfway through the act or feels like they are being punished with NOs can choose to walk away.
He or she will find someone who wants to do everything with them. The person constantly saying no can also find someone who does it the way they like. Well enough that they don’t feel like saying no.

Life can be really simple in some aspects.

cococandy:

Excellent.



I don’t think this person is being held against their wish in the relationship (or whatever they define it as).
The person who constantly gets a no halfway through the act or feels like they are being punished with NOs can choose to walk away.
He or she will find someone who wants to everything with them. The person constantly saying no can also find someone who does it the way they like. Well enough that they fee like saying no.

Life can be really simple in some aspects.

@ bold:

You are right.

The earlier peeps try to abscond from psychotic people, the better for everyone.

lahizak:

What i'm finding hard to take is that if you ask 20 girls if they hade at one point or the other been raped or sexually abuse 15 of them will say yes. Statistically that means 75% of ladies have been sexually abused or rape which in turn means that 75% of we guys are rapist and sexual abusers. Thats a hard pill to swallow as a guy.

Thanks for being honest about your motivation for this thread. It’s a hard pill to swallow hence instead of trying to deal with it, we are trying to minimize the problem or say it doesn’t exist. Will that help though?

If that many women are claiming to be raped, instead of being defensive or policing the victims, maybe we shift the solution to the perpetrators. Teach consent to girls and boys. Ingrain the concept of bodily autonomy of each individual in the minds of everyone. Such that everyone understands that nothing -absolutely nothing- makes it’s acceptable or excusable to do to someone’s body something they do not consent to. Whether they visit you wearing tongs or not. You can ask them to leave if it’s too much for you. By the way it’s your house.

bukatyne:


The fight against rape on both genders would be greatly helped if people who fall in the bold are separated from other cases.

Every rape case is usually treated on individual basis.
It’s people who are looking to muddy the waters because they are upset about the number of cases being reported that are to blame here.

We need to be very careful now. Because some of these analogies and scenarios will end up watering down the impact of rape and shift our attention from this delicate issue. Let's thread carefully biko.

Omoluabi16:
We need to be very careful now. Because some of these analogies and scenarios will end up watering down the impact of rape and shift our attention from this delicate issue. Let's thread carefully biko.

Exactly. Rape is clear. The person said no.
Let’s not muddy the waters.

cococandy:

Thanks for being honest about your motivation for this thread. It’s a hard pill to swallow hence instead of trying to deal with it, we are trying to minimize the problem or say it doesn’t exist. Will that help though?

If that many women are claiming to be raped, instead of being defensive or policing the victims, maybe we shift the solution to the perpetrators. Teach consent to girls and boys. Ingrain the concept of bodily autonomy of each individual in the minds of everyone. Such that everyone understands that nothing -absolutely nothing- makes it’s acceptable or excusable to do to someone’s body something they do not consent to. Whether they visit you wearing tongs or not. You can ask them to leave if it’s too much for you. By the way it’s your house.

Seems u are in agreement with my estimations. And if u are the alternative of all u said is d fact that nigerian ladies might not actually fully comprehend what rape implies and they go about claiming raoe for every bad sex they had. As men, we have our flaws and we not perfect and yes there are rapist among us as there are among ladies too. And motivation behind all this is for ladies to stop thinking majority of men are rapist as thats what will be the outcome of all this if men decide to stay quiet. I wont say 80% of men are good people but i will proudly say 80% of men aint rapist or sexual abusers and if u agreed with that then i'm glad and we on d same page

Omoluabi16:
We need to be very careful now. Because some of these analogies and scenarios will end up watering down the impact of rape and shift our attention from this delicate issue. Let's thread carefully biko.

Gbam!

When I was younger, once you say a man raped a woman, it is treated with a lot of gravity. As in a 'Ha!' crime.

Today, you are thinking, was consent withdrawn after kissing, was it regret sex, etc. etc.

cococandy:


Every rape case is usually treated on individual basis.
It’s people who are looking to muddy the waters because they are upset about the number of cases being reported that are to blame here.

I don't agree.

When we start to define 'she/he said no after MouthAction' the same with an Uwa or Jennifer's case, you water down people's sensitivity to it.

cococandy:


Exactly. Rape is clear. The person said no.
Let’s not muddy the waters.

On both sides that is. Any person at this point who thinks a girl putting on certain clothes or visiting, or staying over must have sex is hopeless.

My biggest worry still is people bringing in angles that make rape cases unclear and debatable. E.g A social media persona opined a girl can actual kiss, make out have sex, then even at point of climax from either party say get off me, I no do again. I fail to see the sense in this.

lahizak:

Seems u are in agreement with my estimations. And if u are the alternative of all u said is d fact that nigerian ladies might not actually fully comprehend what rape implies and they go about claiming raoe for every bad sex they had . As men, we have our flaws and we not perfect and yes there are rapist among us as there are among ladies too. And motivation behind all this is for ladies to stop thinking majority of men are rapist as thats what will be the outcome of all this if men decide to stay quiet. I wont say 80% of men are good people but i will proudly say 80% of men aint rapist or sexual abusers and if u agreed with that then i'm glad and we on d same page

Lol. No we are not on the same page. Far from it.

You’re still thinking the people who come forward to complain don’t know what they are talking about. You weren’t there yet you want to tell them what their experience was. Mansplain much?. Definitely not on the same page.

@second bold. I already told you I didn’t want to make assumptions because they might hurt more than it helps. If I were to agree with you that 80% of Nigerian men aren’t rapists, that would mean 20% of them are.
At an approximate population of 200 million (2019), half of which are men, that means we could very easily have 20 million male rapists roaming free in our country. (Add lady rapists and we are speaking of an increased number). This is not based on any actual research so it’s unhelpful.

bukatyne:


Gbam!

When I was younger, once you say a man raped a woman, it is treated with a lot of gravity. As in a 'Ha!' crime.

Today, you are thinking, was consent withdrawn after kissing, was it regret sex, etc. etc.

Well there should be a line. kissing itself is no consent. People do that in buses or open places. Ladies could be MANIPULATED into sex, but I don't know what to term that. But still, a no is a simple word to understand. Anything beyond that especially by applying violence is rape.

You could have 9/10 ‘aggressive’ rapes (this is the main type that apologists prefer), and the focal point of the conversation would still manage to be hijacked/steered towards the scenario that is ‘ambiguous’ and implies false accusation. Something very disingenuous about it tut tut tut