Biglittlelois:



You guys are funny lots sha, dating ladies abroad who are aware of the divorce option is okay to you, but bringing a wife abroad from here who becomes aware of the divorce option is a problem to you, why? Why are you scared of that? If you treat your wife right do you think the thought of divorce will cross her mind? Here you guys behave anyhow to your wife because you know the law favours you, and you still want to continue the stupid intimidating evil behaviour because you feel she owes you for bringing her abroad? Smell the coffee dude, pick a better poison and live humbly with it, or stay single and be a baby papa, the world is full of choices.

Ignorance and sentiment are heavily written all over this post. Dem never tell you say if de carry a monkey from Oyinboland come Naija, and vice versa, it will still behave like a monkey. For your little mind, someone wey de greedy for money or power for instance go automatically begin de behave like a fair-minded person once you treat am well in de midst of abundance and/or unrestricted freedom. Your "if you treat her right . . . " sure means a man must be ready to kowtow for his woman for peace to reign, since some of una don't know wetin decorum be as evident in this your post.

Some of you (males and females in this chauvinistic battle) de always think say na only de gender una belong get sense. Abeg, sense doesn't know gender. Avoid always seeing things from a chauvinistic POV, it does make you look petty.

A sensible person can't be caught continually making biased utterances and doesn't need to abuse others to feel important. Enough of this crassness and victim mentality.

GuyInTheMirror:
MODS PLEASE NO FRONT PAGE!!!

Hi everyone, so I am not a new member of Nairaland.
I decided to create this new profile so that I can be annonymous.
I was hoping to speak with some matured people here about the issue of marriage.

I am a 34 year old man who happened to immigrate about 2 years ago, I am a very gentle and highly ambitious person and God has blessed me.
I work for one of the biggest firms here in North America , I used to work in a great firm too back in Naija before immigrating.

Now to the issue of marriage, I am in a kind of dilemna.
I am the type of person that values marriage and a quiet life.
I do not smoke, drink or womanise. I am actually the type you'd call a church boy. I dream for a respectful wife whom I can love and adore and build a family with.

But it seems being in North America makes that complicated.
1. Majority of the women that surrounds me are in their 30s. I personally would prefer to marry someone not older than 26 years for personal reasons.
2. Many of these women are closet feminists and they tend to be much louder than the personality I am looking for in a woman I'd like to settle with.

I have attempted to start relationships with ladies that tend to meet my description back in Nigeria, but I became shocked cos it seems once a lady knows a man is abroad they become lovey dovey. They start to pretend like they are saints so that has put me off as I do not want a lady to pretend for me.

The options before me are :
1. Look for someone that is close to my requirement here and marry her and hope for the best.
2. Look for someone back in naija and marry and sponsor her to North America.
3. Wait for 2 more years, get my citizenship, come back to naija and blend in like a regular guy and try to meet a lady that does not know I am an abroad person to avoid pretense then try to get a babe. (In 2 years time I will be 36 years old, is this not too old ?)

I would like people with a lot of insight to educate me on what appears to be the best option.

I think you need to open your mind more. These ideas you have are at best appalling and at worst sexist. That you are "abroad" is no indication that you have achieved anything or that you are deserving of a "young and ripe" (pretty much your suggestion!) 26-year-old. You need to re-calibrate your thinking and come to terms with your surroundings.

Up don't need to post this

cochtrane:

I think you need to open your mind more. These ideas you have are at best appalling and at worst sexist. That you are "abroad" is no indication that you have achieved anything or that you are deserving of a "young and ripe" (pretty much your suggestion!) 26-year-old. You need to re-calibrate your thinking and come to terms with your surroundings.

I am not surprised that someone can post this, this is typical of my response to someone up there. There are some people who are impossible to please, they go around looking for faults and trying to validate their own importance by pointing out inadequacies.

This is not a good way to live your life. Many intelligent people have read the post and were able to discern that I did not intend to feel proud but only wanted to give a clear idea of my situation and they also provided helpful suggestions.
It is totally up to you to infer what you want but I encourage you to try and always look at the bright side, I hear it makes one live longer.

Cheers.

GuyInTheMirror:

I am not surprised that someone can post this, this is typical of my response to someone up there. There are some people who are impossible to please, they go around looking for faults and trying to validate their own importance by pointing out inadequacies.

This is not a good way to live your life. Many intelligent people have read the post and were able to discern that I did not intend to feel proud but only wanted to give a clear idea of my situation and they also provided helpful suggestions.
It is totally up to you to infer what you want but I encourage you to try and always look at the bright side, I hear it makes one live longer.

Cheers.

Sorry, if that hurt. There's really no pleasing here. Just telling it as it is. When you raise a matter for public discussion, you bet you can expect wide-ranging responses. Sometimes, the truth itself hurts. In some way, I feel like you are not looking for advice. Or are you?

If for 32 years in Nigeria you never saw a "below 26 year old "who complemented this your personality. Then there was something wrong.

If 32 Nigerian years of your non-drinking, smoking and womanizing, you didnt have a lady who noticed this and and was endeared to you. Then there is something amis.

If for 32 Nigerian years of your being a "church-boy" didnt attract a Nigerian "church girl" My brother, something was definitely off.

Dont bother coming to Nigeria to lay-low like a regular guy to find a wife. What wife are you looking for that you didnt see in this same 32 years when you were a "natural regular guy"?

And for you stereotyping by suggesting that most Nigerian ladies would fall face down because your home is now North America is an all time low. This is possibly what is subconsciously not allowing you give any of the Nigerian ladies in Nigeria a chance. So that mirror you were looking at while creating your username, look deeply into it, see the problem. Attack the problem.

And also stay calm. There are ladies with typically good - wife attributes around you. You are in a diverse environment now so be open minded. That's what you wanted. Except you are in dire need of a Nigerian woman and in that case refer to the 5th paragraph.

annex1:
If for 32 years in Nigeria you never saw a "below 26 year old "who complemented this your personality. Then there was something wrong.

If 32 Nigerian years of your non-drinking, smoking and womanizing, you didnt have a lady who noticed this and and was endeared to you. Then there is something amis.

If for 32 Nigerian years of your being a "church-boy" didnt attract a Nigerian "church girl" My brother, something was definitely off.

Dont bother coming to Nigeria to lay-low like a regular guy to find a wife. What wife are you looking for that you didnt see in this same 32 years when you were a "natural regular guy"?

And for you stereotyping by suggesting that most Nigerian ladies would fall face down because your home is now North America is an all time low. This is possibly what is subconsciously not allowing you give any of the Nigerian ladies in Nigeria a chance. So that mirror you were looking at while creating your username, look deeply into it, see the problem. Attack the problem.

And also stay calm. There are ladies with typically good - wife attributes around you. You are in a diverse environment now so be open minded. That's what you wanted. Except you are in dire need of a Nigerian woman and in that case refer to the 5th paragraph.

The bolded is actually true, thats not just a stereotype. I did not say all, I said most and everyone on the thread has acknowledged that. You are the only one disputing that fact so you may want to re-edit that part.
For the rest of your post, mmmnnn y ou did not address the issue you were only making comments about the past which I will choose to ignore so as not to digress.

GuyInTheMirror:


The bolded is actually true, thats not just a stereotype. I did not say all, I said most and everyone on the thread has acknowledged that. You are the only one disputing that fact so you may want to re-edit that part.
For the rest of your post, mmmnnn y ou did not address the issue you were only making comments about the past which I will choose to ignore so as not to digress.

Nigerian men get entirely everything but the point.
The rest of the post suggests that maybe the entire problem lyes with you. You described all these wonderful things about yourself but could not get someone while you were in Nigeria.

You say you are trying online dating with Nigerian girls in Nigeria but are sceptical because once they know you are in North America, you feel you cant trust their feelings for you. Already you've subconsciously blocked that option by thinking whatever lady you communicate with is only interested in where you are. On the other hand and at the same time you arent comfortable trying someone in North America that knows you are also in North America because they either are a closet feminist and (or) see divorce as something normal. This is you countering all your possible options. And we know that other option about coming to Nigeria to find wife as a regular guy is just old Nollywood film.

You cant cut your cake and have it. You are going to have to make trade offs.

annex1:


Nigerian men get entirely everything but the point.
The rest of the post suggests that maybe the entire problem lyes with you. You described all these wonderful things about yourself but could not get someone while you were in Nigeria.

You say you are trying online dating with Nigerian girls in Nigeria but are sceptical because once they know you are in North America, you feel you cant trust their feelings for you. Already you've subconsciously blocked that option by thinking whatever lady you communicate with is only interested in where you are. On the other hand and at the same time you arent comfortable trying someone in North America that knows you are also in North America because they either are a closet feminist and (or) see divorce as something normal. This is you countering all your possible options. And we know that other option about coming to Nigeria to find wife as a regular guy is just old Nollywood film.

You cant cut your cake and have it. You are going to have to make trade offs.

Okay so let me clarify because I was silent about some things you have started to assume.
I decided to be silent on some things so that I will not deflect attention from the main issue.
I am not here to discuss why I did not date/marry before travelling, thats not the purpose for this thread so it will be nice if you stop assuming .

The bolded is true and I say this out of 2 or 3 experiences that I have had. You have to also consider that many people have alluded to this as well, this isnt so much of a complicated thing though as it is pretty obvious by default most ladies in Naija will want to date/marry someone abroad so can you stop arguing this part .

Cheers

There should be someone you know that is within that age range here in Nigeria, why not try them out, or ask your relatives to sort some for you without disclosing anything about you to them.... though I heard Nigeria girls tend to change when they get there considering they now know that the system over there don't joke with women but I believe you can sort that out with pre-nuptials agreement to be on the safe side....One can never be too careful. Goodluck

LordKO:


Ignorance and sentiment are heavily written all of this post. Dem never tell you say if de carry a monkey from Oyinboland come Naija, and vice versa, it will still behave like a monkey. For your little mind, someone wey de greedy for money or power for instance go automatically begin de behave like a fair-minded person once you treat am well in de midst of abundance and/or unrestricted freedom. Your "if you treat her right . . . " sure means a man must be ready to kowtow for his woman for peace to reign, since some of una don't know wetin decorum be as evident in this your post.

Some of you (males and females in this chauvinistic battle) de always think say na only de gender una belong get sense. Abeg, sense doesn't know gender. Avoid always seeing things from chauvinistic POV, it does make you look petty.

A sensible person can't be caught making biased utterances and doesn't need to abuse others to feel important. Enough of this crassness and victim mentality.

Somehow, I am the chauvinistic person with a victim mentality and other labels, but you fail to acknowledge Op's stereotype of Nigerian females when taken abroad, how crass and disgusting of you,

For every reaction, whether positive or negative, there must have been a trigger, e.g, a thread some weeks ago was on FP about a man who married his wife before traveling abroad, when in naija, he admitted to treating his wife badly, and when she moved abroad to be with him, she got her revenge though in a terrible way, my point being, humans tend to mostly behave based on feelings and emotions about an ordeal, either sad, happy, hurtful, etc, actions begat reactions, which can lead to other things,

You, a Nigerian man, is expected to know what i mean by "treating his wife right" when you know how this society works, but cos you want to be a chauvinistic sexist, you have to make it all about men,

1) most men here cheat and claim it's their right, nothing is done about it,

2) During divorce, the wives and children is driven out of the house with no property to her name, so she has to start all over again,

3) For child support, in most instances, the man is required to pay, say, #5000 for five kids, how realistic is that?

4) For domestic violence, the man will be reported, the man will bribe his way out of jail, and that is the end of it, except when death happens to both genders,

So many instances and more, so why do you think Op is scared of bringing a naija wife abroad if not that he wants to eat his cake as it use to be in naija, and have it? Why cant he have a positive thinking regarding females here and hope or pray for the best?

You guys must always have something to complain about ladies if it doesnt 100% favour you, ladies are making a stand lately seeing that marriage is not to die for, y'all are wailing all over the place,

Like I said earlier, if you treat your wife right, you have nothing to worry about, treat her wrongly, face whatever happens after.

GuyInTheMirror:

Okay so let me clarify because I was silent about some things you have started to assume.
I decided to be silent on some things so that I will not deflect attention from the main issue.
I am not here to discuss why I did not date/marry before travelling, thats not the purpose for this thread so it will be nice if you stop assuming .

The bolded is true and I say this out of 2 or 3 experiences that I have had. You have to also consider that many people have alluded to this as well, this isnt so much of a complicated thing though as it is pretty obvious by default most ladies in Naija will want to date/marry someone abroad so can you stop arguing this part .

Cheers

Why would I argue something that isnt resourceful to me. You didnt come here to ask for a wife and so far nobody has suggested finding one for you. Na discuss we dey discuss options wey you give us.

You are the one who came here without assistance suggesting three options and we are only helping you dissect "your suggestions"; One of which is dating Nigerian girls online. Yet you're entirely biased about it - so why suggest it in the first instance.

I have not assumed anything about your previous life choices. Well maybe one, that probably, the issue lies with you. And that is evident if you are going to keep being biased about same suggestions you are bringing up for us to discuss.
Like I said, be open minded. Good luck!

Biglittlelois:



Somehow, I am the chauvinistic person with a victim mentality and other labels, but you fail to acknowledge Op's stereotype of Nigerian females when taken abroad, how crass and disgusting of you,

For every reaction, whether positive or negative, there must have been a trigger, e.g, a thread some weeks ago was on FP about a man who married his wife before traveling abroad, when in naija, he admitted to treating his wife badly, and when she moved abroad to be with him, she got her revenge though in a terrible way, my point being, humans tend to mostly behave based on feelings and emotions about an ordeal, either sad, happy, hurtful, etc, actions begat reactions, which can lead to other things,

You, a Nigerian man, is expected to know what i mean by "treating his wife right" when you know how this society works, but cos you want to be a chauvinistic sexist, you have to make it all about men,

1) most men here cheat and claim it's their right, nothing is done about it,
2) During divorce, the wives and children is driven out of the house with no property to her name, so she has to start all over again,

3) For child support, in most instances, the man is required to pay, say, #5000 for five kids, how realistic is that?

4) For domestic violence, the man will be reported, the man will bribe his way out of jail, and that is the end of it, except when death happens to both genders,

So many instances and more, so why do you think Op is scared of bringing a naija wife abroad if not that he wants to eat his cake as it use to be in naija, and have it? Why cant he have a positive thinking regarding females here and hope or pray for the best ?


You guys must always have something to complain about ladies if it doesnt 100% favour you, ladies are making a stand lately seeing that marriage is not to die for, y'all are wailing all over the place,

Like I said earlier, if you treat your wife right, you have nothing to worry about, treat her wrongly, face whatever happens after.

So you are saying I should just throw a coin and pick a wife and hope for the best ? Even if I was in Nigeria I wouldnt even do that, there are lots of misguided women roaming about today so I am supposed to just close my eyes and marry ?

Biglittlelois:



Somehow, I am the chauvinistic person with a victim mentality and other labels, but you fail to acknowledge Op's stereotype of Nigerian females when taken abroad, how crass and disgusting of you,

For every reaction, whether positive or negative, there must have been a trigger, e.g, a thread some weeks ago was on FP about a man who married his wife before traveling abroad, when in naija, he admitted to treating his wife badly, and when she moved abroad to be with him, she got her revenge though in a terrible way, my point being, humans tend to mostly behave based on feelings and emotions about an ordeal, either sad, happy, hurtful, etc, actions begat reactions, which can lead to other things,

You, a Nigerian man, is expected to know what i mean by "treating his wife right" when you know how this society works, but cos you want to be a chauvinistic sexist, you have to make it all about men,

1) most men here cheat and claim it's their right, nothing is done about it,
2) During divorce, the wives and children is driven out of the house with no property to her name, so she has to start all over again,

3) For child support, in most instances, the man is required to pay, say, #5000 for five kids, how realistic is that?

4) For domestic violence, the man will be reported, the man will bribe his way out of jail, and that is the end of it, except when death happens to both genders,

So many instances and more, so why do you think Op is scared of bringing a naija wife abroad if not that he wants to eat his cake as it use to be in naija, and have it? Why cant he have a positive thinking regarding females here and hope or pray for the best?


You guys must always have something to complain about ladies if it doesnt 100% favour you, ladies are making a stand lately seeing that marriage is not to die for, y'all are wailing all over the place,

Like I said earlier, if you treat your wife right, you have nothing to worry about, treat her wrongly, face whatever happens after.

I'm certain you know the reason why I'll pity you. Eschew chauvinism and crassness henceforth, else . . . I'll send you hot e-slap.

GuyInTheMirror:

So you are saying I should just throw a coin and pick a wife and hope for the best ? Even if I was in Nigeria I wouldnt even do that, there are lots of misguided women roaming about today so I am supposed to just close my eyes and marry ?

Dude, you are already confused, so do whatever you want, we can't choose or live with you when you marry, wish you the best though.

LordKO:


I'm certain you know the reason why I'll pity you. Eschew chauvinism and crassness henceforth, else . . . I'll send you hot e-slap.

Goodnight K....O.

GuyInTheMirror:

So you are saying I should just throw a coin and pick a wife and hope for the best ? Even if I was in Nigeria I wouldnt even do that, there are lots of misguided women roaming about today so I am supposed to just close my eyes and marry ?

Oga no kuku marry! There's nothing wrong with being single for life, Good thing is you aren't in a society that will condemn you for it.

You are beginning to sound like you are some kind of blessing to women folk because you dey obodo oyinbo. . Truth is No one cares if you marry or you not getting married. To even start with you called everyone's attention to you meaning no body knows some 32 Nairaland Negro living in North America. Why not just get the words of advice you seek and stop feeling like some God damned "cold" cake!

Abi ewoni iranu gan?

Ariza:
Oga no kuku marry! There's nothing wrong with being single for life, Good thing is you aren't in a society that will condemn you for it.

You are beginning to sound like you are some kind of blessing to women folk because you dey obodo oyinbo. . Truth is No one cares if you marry or you not getting married. To even start with you called everyone's attention to you meaning no body knows some 32 Nairaland Negro living in North America. Why not just get the words of advice you seek and stop feeling like some God damned "cold" cake!

Abi ewoni iranu gan?

Why so much bitterness ?
My intention is to hear from people and see different perspective and opinion which a lot of people have been very helpful and I am grateful for.

Let me state that the fact that some people had it easy in some areas in life does not mean others will, there are a lot of factors and variables that surrounds us as humans so please lets learn to be respectful and understanding and not seek to denigrate others like you are doing with this kind of write up.

Cheers

Ariza:

You are beginning to sound like you are some kind of blessing to women folk because you dey obodo oyinbo. . Truth is No one cares if you marry or you not getting married. To even start with you called everyone's attention to you meaning no body knows some 32 Nairaland Negro living in North America. Why not just get the words of advice you seek and stop feeling like some God damned "cold" cake!
Abi ewoni iranu gan?

Nevertheless, he is still our egbon in North America. So we'll still advise him. Because we want the best for him.

GuyInTheMirror:

Why so much bitterness ?
My intention is to hear from people and see different perspective and opinion which a lot of people have been very helpful and I am grateful for.

Let me state that the fact that some people had it easy in some areas in life does not mean others will, there are a lot of factors and variables that surrounds us as humans so please lets learn to be respectful and understanding and not seek to denigrate others like you are doing with this kind of write up.

Cheers

Bitterness? Me, I hate nonsense! I'm not bitter just pissed. People are trying to call your attention to something you are missing but instead of you to process it with an open mind you refute them with more "I am too good " posts. That alone is a problem on It's own.

Now if I tell you that what I sense FEAR in you, a very inappropriate dose of it, you will probably come up with some "self confidence" lectures. You fear getting it wrong, which is advisable in it average but yours is beyond it. This fear has led you into ticking off some people you believe can be of no good.Where as finding true love isn't set in stone. Like someone suggested, you may have to sit yourself down, check where you are getting it wrong and visit your trash can. Love can be found anywhere and no one is perfect too.

Ariza:
Bitterness? Me, I hate nonsense! I'm not bitter just pissed. People are trying to call your attention to something you are missing but instead of you to process it with an open mind you refute them with more "I am too good " posts. That alone is a problem on It's own.

Now if I tell you that what I sense FEAR in you, a very inappropriate dose of it, you will probably come up with some "self confidence" lectures. You fear getting it wrong, which is advisable in it average but yours is beyond it. This fear has led you into ticking off some people you believe can be of no good.Where as finding true love isn't set in stone. Like someone suggested, you may have to sit yourself down, check where you are getting it wrong and visit your trash can. Love can be found anywhere and no one is perfect too.

This sounds a little more constructive than most of what you have put forward earlier.
And yes I do not consider myself to be perfect, infact like you mentioned, I am a little scared and thats a story for another day.
I honestly dont wanna bring that topic up as the purpose of this thread is really to hear honest opinion of everyone, you know try to really see things from another perspective.

Thanks for dropping by.

annex1:

Nevertheless, he is still our egbon in North America. So we'll still advise him. Because we want the best for him.

I nor be egbon abeg o... I am just a guyinthemirror.

annex1:

Nevertheless, he is still our egbon in North America. So we'll still advise him. Because we want the best for him.

How someone can work out Love/relationship like 1+1 beats my imagination. And the response he gave those calling his attention to the fact that He might be missing something just pissed me off.

If he had it figured out why is he here? Anyways you are right Sha. We want the best for him.

GuyInTheMirror:

This sounds a little more constructive than most of what you have put forward earlier.
And yes I do not consider myself to be perfect, infact like you mentioned, I am a little scared and thats a story for another day.
I honestly dont wanna bring that topic up as the purpose of this thread is really to hear honest opinion of everyone, you know try to really see things from another perspective.

Thanks for dropping by.

Yea.... That is how to bring people like you out of your illusions/shell,so some sense can get to you.

Anyways, I wish you luck. Don't forget to upload wedding pictures here

Despite your age, you don't have sense.

GuyInTheMirror:
MODS PLEASE NO FRONT PAGE!!!

Hi everyone, so I am not a new member of Nairaland.
I decided to create this new profile so that I can be annonymous.
I was hoping to speak with some matured people here about the issue of marriage.

I am a 34 year old man who happened to immigrate about 2 years ago, I am a very gentle and highly ambitious person and God has blessed me.
I work for one of the biggest firms here in North America , I used to work in a great firm too back in Naija before immigrating.

Now to the issue of marriage, I am in a kind of dilemna.
I am the type of person that values marriage and a quiet life.
I do not smoke, drink or womanise. I am actually the type you'd call a church boy. I dream for a respectful wife whom I can love and adore and build a family with.

But it seems being in North America makes that complicated.
1. Majority of the women that surrounds me are in their 30s. I personally would prefer to marry someone not older than 26 years for personal reasons.
2. Many of these women are closet feminists and they tend to be much louder than the personality I am looking for in a woman I'd like to settle with.

I have attempted to start relationships with ladies that tend to meet my description back in Nigeria, but I became shocked cos it seems once a lady knows a man is abroad they become lovey dovey. They start to pretend like they are saints so that has put me off as I do not want a lady to pretend for me.

The options before me are :
1. Look for someone that is close to my requirement here and marry her and hope for the best.
2. Look for someone back in naija and marry and sponsor her to North America.
3. Wait for 2 more years, get my citizenship, come back to naija and blend in like a regular guy and try to meet a lady that does not know I am an abroad person to avoid pretense then try to get a babe. (In 2 years time I will be 36 years old, is this not too old ?)

I would like people with a lot of insight to educate me on what appears to be the best option.

Pre-nuptials are useless most of the time. They'll be tossed aside in court.

BlissB:
There should be someone you know that is within that age range here in Nigeria, why not try them out, or ask your relatives to sort some for you without disclosing anything about you to them.... though I heard Nigeria girls tend to change when they get there considering they now know that the system over there don't joke with women but I believe you can sort that out with pre-nuptials agreement to be on the safe side....One can never be too careful. Goodluck

This is stupid.

CastingCrowns:
looking for decent ladies nowadays is like looking for a needle in a haystack... I pray u get your heart desire.. unfortunately for you once Nigerian ladies know u are abroad u become a marked man.. just pray.

My first comment was an insult, let me now speak my mind:
- marry from abroad.

- your second option is actually similar to what I'm currently doing. The difference is that she didn't know I was going back, we actually love each other and had known each other for a few years.

- everybody is wise now. A good/bad wife will be good/bad whether they are abroad or not.

- again, you're better off marrying a 30-36 year old in N. America. If you have to marry a Nigerian, check well, look for a best friend. Join youth only discussion groups. I know a few that hold 1-2 hour discussions every Sunday evening.

- also, expand your horizons. Why will you swim all the way across the Atlantic to only marry from your village. There are other Africans, other continents, etc. Moreso if you're in academics

- Be prepared for equality in the real sense of the word. Even if you're bringing a wife from Naija, plan for equality. Equality in working and equality in responsibility.

- education should not be a stumbling block to marrying someone from Naija. Education is freely available in N. America.

- childhood friends!!!!!!

GuyInTheMirror:
MODS PLEASE NO FRONT PAGE!!!

Hi everyone, so I am not a new member of Nairaland.
I decided to create this new profile so that I can be annonymous.
I was hoping to speak with some matured people here about the issue of marriage.

I am a 34 year old man who happened to immigrate about 2 years ago, I am a very gentle and highly ambitious person and God has blessed me.
I work for one of the biggest firms here in North America , I used to work in a great firm too back in Naija before immigrating.

Now to the issue of marriage, I am in a kind of dilemna.
I am the type of person that values marriage and a quiet life.
I do not smoke, drink or womanise. I am actually the type you'd call a church boy. I dream for a respectful wife whom I can love and adore and build a family with.

But it seems being in North America makes that complicated.
1. Majority of the women that surrounds me are in their 30s. I personally would prefer to marry someone not older than 26 years for personal reasons.
2. Many of these women are closet feminists and they tend to be much louder than the personality I am looking for in a woman I'd like to settle with.

I have attempted to start relationships with ladies that tend to meet my description back in Nigeria, but I became shocked cos it seems once a lady knows a man is abroad they become lovey dovey. They start to pretend like they are saints so that has put me off as I do not want a lady to pretend for me.

The options before me are :
1. Look for someone that is close to my requirement here and marry her and hope for the best.
2. Look for someone back in naija and marry and sponsor her to North America.
3. Wait for 2 more years, get my citizenship, come back to naija and blend in like a regular guy and try to meet a lady that does not know I am an abroad person to avoid pretense then try to get a babe. (In 2 years time I will be 36 years old, is this not too old ?)

I would like people with a lot of insight to educate me on what appears to be the best option.

cooooooks:
My first comment was an insult, let me now speak my mind:
- marry from abroad.

- your second option is actually similar to what I'm currently doing. The difference is that she didn't know I was going back, we actually love each other and had known each other for a few years.

- everybody is wise now. A good/bad wife will be good/bad whether they are abroad or not.

- again, you're better off marrying a 30-36 year old in N. America. If you have to marry a Nigerian, check well, look for a best friend. Join youth only discussion groups. I know a few that hold 1-2 hour discussions every Sunday evening.

- also, expand your horizons. Why will you swim all the way across the Atlantic to only marry from your village. There are other Africans, other continents, etc. Moreso if you're in academics

- Be prepared for equality in the real sense of the word. Even if you're bringing a wife from Naija, plan for equality. Equality in working and equality in responsibility.

- education should not be a stumbling block to marrying someone from Naija. Education is freely available in N. America.

- childhood friends!!!!!!

@ the bolded..
mmmnnnn... You rasied good points and thanks for your time.

cooooooks:
Pre-nuptials are useless most of the time. They'll be tossed aside in court.

Ohhhh, now I know.....

Lol. No wahala!

GuyInTheMirror:

@ the bolded..
mmmnnnn... You rasied good points and thanks for your time.

cooooooks:
This is stupid.

to all their own