Hi guys and Ladies,

Is it right for a lady during courtship to come on a visit without helping the guy in any house work?.
Cooking, Laundry, Washing the dishes, Sweeping etc. She just comes plays, sleeps and leave. Just like dat.

If they eventually marry one another, is it worth it to help such a lady to do same chores as your wife?


My own take is this,
During courtship, the house chores are the guy's responsibility. To take care of his own house remains his job. Therefore, it is not compulsory for the lady to help out, because she ain't marry the guy yet and the guy has not paid her dowry.
But a lady from a good home should know it is necessary for her to help her fiancé out in the house chores. Though, it is necessary but not compulsory.


Now, if the guy in question eventually marries the girl and after marriage, she wants him to join her in the house chores to prove his love and care to her.
Now, it is her responsibility and not the guy's responsibility too. She is the wife.
It is only necessary for the guy to help out but not compulsory.

Does she deserve it? Now that it is her own duty too, to do those things as a wife?

My take is, she does not deserve it at all.


What do you think.

If two people who intend to live together in a relationship cannot see themselves as equal partners, sharing/delegating responsibilities for chores, what is the point of that relationship?
It is 2020 and if a woman cannot imagine herself in a relationship where she is not expected to be a houseboy for a man, then the woman needs to carefully examine her value as a person in this world.
If a man cannot see himself in a relationship where he is an equal contributor to the upkeep of the home but thinks himself a master over a slave(wife), then that man needs to carefully examine his worth to the world because the world no longer applies much value to such men.

This is 2020 not a big deal

.

House chored kwa? What is there, I can help a random person do house chores not to talk of my partner. The most important thing is understanding. It does not make you a less person. You are planning to start a home together, why not. I see it as fun sef

Chores kwa? Women have suffered!

Has she finished the chores in her father's house that she will now become househelp in her boyfriend's house? God forbid bad thing!

MMotimo:
Chores kwa? Women have suffered!

Has she finished the chores in her father's house that she will now become househelp in her boyfriend's house? God forbid bad thing!

See how many of u fail exam?
OP is talking about Courtship not people still doing bf n gf.

Courtship is a bare it all time.
Chores at this point are shared and not left for any individual.
U learn your strength and weakness during this period. Days away from taking your marital vows and legally married.
As a lady, u leave it all for your bobo during this period, e go shock u o. After wedding, he will jejely ignore all those things he used to do o!

Ladies, even if he likes let him say it's okay don't worry I'd do it, learn to assist or do things without being told that will make him appreciate you the more.
This period is what determines if this same man will keep cooking, fixing you breakfast in bed ,cleaning and running errands years after marriage and never for once feel it is your duty as the wife.

If perhaps he isn't doing any of those, he's looking for alternative ways to make ur life easy.
Courtship remains the blue print to whatever your marriage will look like.

It's important to find out the reasoning behind that behavior.is it female liberation, laziness, or not caring? Try and find out the mindset behind her attitude.

But you have been doing your chores all these yrs and you didn't die.

If she tries to help the next thing Is calling her desperate like your ilk

I can help with the little I can do. But for me to do any domestic jobs, the relationship has gotten to 89% but the man must not take advantage of that maltreatment the lady as a slave.

punisha:




See how many of u fail exam?
OP is talking about Courtship not people still doing bf n gf.

Courtship is a bare it all time.
Chores at this point are shared and not left for any individual.
U learn your strength and weakness during this period. Days away from taking your marital vows and legally married.
As a lady, u leave it all for your bobo during this period, e go shock u o. After wedding, he will jejely ignore all those things he used to do o!

Ladies, even if he likes let him say it's okay don't worry I'd do it, learn to assist or do things without being told that will make him appreciate you the more.
This period is what determines if this same man will keep cooking, fixing you breakfast in bed ,cleaning and running errands years after marriage and never for once feel it is your duty as the wife.

If perhaps he isn't doing any of those, he's looking for alternative ways to make ur life easy.
Courtship remains the blue print to whatever your marriage will look like.

Define courtship so I'm certain I understand your point. Is it before or after the ring has been worn? Bear in mind that before the ring, it's considered "bf and gf stage"

aeion:
A woman who loves + cares for her man, and who values cleanliness will definitely help with these things if she sees he could use a helping hand, hence in this scenario, I would understand a man's concern by his fiancée's lack of concern to help him out. However, instead of carrying this grudge into the marriage, as you've described below, the man should speak to her to understand her reasoning.



I think a man as vindictive as this has no business getting married. That a woman doesn't help you do housechores during courtship doesn't mean you shouldn't help her with them during marriage. It's like saying if a woman doesn't sleep with you before marriage, you will refuse her sex after marriage. No woman is obligated to perform wifely duties pre-marriage and holding that against her after marriage is immature.

You can't liken helping out your husband-to-be in house chores to sex. They are two different things.

You came to visit as my wife-to-be. You met my plates clean. You went inside the kitchen to cook for us. Then you dropped the plates in the sink for me to wash. That's a very bad habit.

Its even an indication that she would be a lazy wife. And would be leaving the home dirty.

Ladies of today learn many things on the internet. And such are the teachings over the internet.

"Don't cheapen yourself for a man. A man you are not yet married to"

I have heard such and its bad.

You came on a visit, we ate with my washed plates, you met my apartment clean and tidy, by the time you are leaving, we don scatter the place together and you will just leave like that?

Haba! Is it not unfair?

You did like dat throughout our two years of courtship, then we got married, and you start begging, "Honey please help me with the dishes while I take care of the food"

It looks somehow.

Bola146:
I can help with the little I can do. But for me to do any domestic jobs, the relationship has gotten to 89% but the man must not take advantage of that maltreatment the lady as a slave.

Yeah!
You have a point. I am not saying the lady should act like a slave. But in a situation you came and met my plates clean and we both used it and go drop the plates in the kitchen for me to wash again. Haba! That is a very bad habit

punisha:




See how many of u fail exam?
OP is talking about Courtship not people still doing bf n gf.

Courtship is a bare it all time.
Chores at this point are shared and not left for any individual.
U learn your strength and weakness during this period. Days away from taking your marital vows and legally married.
As a lady, u leave it all for your bobo during this period, e go shock u o. After wedding, he will jejely ignore all those things he used to do o!

Ladies, even if he likes let him say it's okay don't worry I'd do it, learn to assist or do things without being told that will make him appreciate you the more.
This period is what determines if this same man will keep cooking, fixing you breakfast in bed ,cleaning and running errands years after marriage and never for once feel it is your duty as the wife.

If perhaps he isn't doing any of those, he's looking for alternative ways to make ur life easy.
Courtship remains the blue print to whatever your marriage will look like.

You made complete sense bro.

LadySarah:
But you have been doing your chores all these yrs and you didn't die.

If she tries to help the next thing Is calling her desperate like your ilk

It's not something that happened to me though, but I have been thinking about it.

I have heard it more than once. "It is wrong to do house chores for a man who has not paid your dowry"

And you will come into my tidy apartment, eat with my plates, scatter the place and leave them to be washed and arranged by me, yet you are my wife to be not my girl friend.

That's not cool at all.

Kobojunkie:
If two people who intend to live together in a relationship cannot see themselves as equal partners, sharing/delegating responsibilities for chores, what is the point of that relationship?
It is 2020 and if a woman cannot imagine herself in a relationship where she is not expected to be a houseboy for a man, then the woman needs to carefully examine her value as a person in this world.
If a man cannot see himself in a relationship where he is an equal contributor to the upkeep of the home but thinks himself a master over a slave(wife), then that man needs to carefully examine his worth to the world because the world no longer applies much value to such men.

Bro. Its like you don't understand the question.

A lady and a guy in courtship, not boyfriend and girlfriend.
She visits without doing any house chores at the guy's place even when they used the plates she met clean to eat. No tidying of the place up. Like sweeping even when she dropped popcorn etc on the floor. She would just leave like that.

And after marriage, she expects the guy to help her out with same chores she neglected during courtship.

Is it right if the guy fashy and leave her to it all, because it is now her duty

When we were in school, my boyfriend (later fiancée and husband) did as many stuff as possible together.

That meant when A visited B's house, all hands were on deck to do whatever needed to be done quickly so we could have time for ourselves.

I fondly remember us carrying clothes to the house (room ) of the person with easier access to water and washing them together.

We also operated an almost joint pot so we were both broke or rich together.

I would however be very worried about a man who is unhappy about his intended's behavior and waits till marriage before 'paying back.'

If you don't like someone's attitude and you can't cope or talk to the person, move on.

bukatyne:
When we were in school, my boyfriend (later fiancée and husband) did as many stuff as possible together.

That meant when A visited B's house, all hands were on deck to do whatever needed to be done quickly so we could have time for ourselves.

I fondly remember us carrying clothes to the house (room ) of the person with easier access to water and washing them together.

We also operated an almost joint pot so we were both broke or rich together.

I would however be very worried about a man who is unhappy about his intended's behavior and waits till marriage before 'paying back.'

If you don't like someone's attitude and you can't cope or talk to the person, move on.

i have catch you here lol, so you are a married woman,i thought as much,and you married early too,eiya your husband is lucky,i wish to get married early too.

WILLuKPquiet:


You made complete sense bro.

and I was high on burnt beans when I wrote that o...

punisha:



and I was high on burnt beans when I wrote that o...

That means I've got to burn my beans next time too. Nice idea.

bukatyne:
When we were in school, my boyfriend (later fiancée and husband) did as many stuff as possible together.

That meant when A visited B's house, all hands were on deck to do whatever needed to be done quickly so we could have time for ourselves.

I fondly remember us carrying clothes to the house (room ) of the person with easier access to water and washing them together.

We also operated an almost joint pot so we were both broke or rich together.

I would however be very worried about a man who is unhappy about his intended's behavior and waits till marriage before 'paying back.'

If you don't like someone's attitude and you can't cope or talk to the person, move on.

True that

WILLuKPquiet:

Bro. Its like you don't understand the question.
A lady and a guy in courtship, not boyfriend and girlfriend.
She visits without doing any house chores at the guy's place even when they used the plates she met clean to eat. No tidying of the place up. Like sweeping even when she dropped popcorn etc on the floor. She would just leave like that.
And after marriage, she expects the guy to help her out with same chores she neglected during courtship.
Is it right if the guy fashy and leave her to it all, because it is now her duty

The question you asked is immature. That is why I chose instead to ignore it and focus on that which matters.
A man of marrying age who thinks it ok to ignore the woman he supposedly loves simply on basis that she did not do chores sometime ought to be publicly flogged until he gets his senses corrected. Does that help?

Seriously there is something wrong with you people and the way you think.

WILLuKPquiet:


Bro. Its like you don't understand the question.

A lady and a guy in courtship, not boyfriend and girlfriend.
She visits without doing any house chores at the guy's place even when they used the plates she met clean to eat. No tidying of the place up. Like sweeping even when she dropped popcorn etc on the floor. She would just leave like that.

And after marriage, she expects the guy to help her out with same chores she neglected during courtship.

Is it right if the guy fashy and leave her to it all, because it is now her duty

WILLuKPquiet:


Bro. Its like you don't understand the question.

A lady and a guy in courtship, not boyfriend and girlfriend.
She visits without doing any house chores at the guy's place even when they used the plates she met clean to eat. No tidying of the place up. Like sweeping even when she dropped popcorn etc on the floor. She would just leave like that.

And after marriage, she expects the guy to help her out with same chores she neglected during courtship.

Is it right if the guy fashy and leave her to it all, because it is now her duty

Seriously there is something wrong with you people and the way you think.

If a girl behaves that way and you don't like it why will you go ahead and marry her?

WILLuKPquiet:
Hi guys and Ladies,

Is it right for a lady during courtship to come on a visit without helping the guy in any house work?.
Cooking, Laundry, Washing the dishes, Sweeping etc. She just comes plays, sleeps and leave. Just like dat.

If they eventually marry one another, is it worth it to help such a lady to do same chores as your wife?


My own take is this,
During courtship, the house chores are the guy's responsibility. To take care of his own house remains his job. Therefore, it is not compulsory for the lady to help out, because she ain't marry the guy yet and the guy has not paid her dowry.
But a lady from a good home should know it is necessary for her to help her fiancé out in the house chores. Though, it is necessary but not compulsory.


Now, if the guy in question eventually marries the girl and after marriage, she wants him to join her in the house chores to prove his love and care to her.
Now, it is her responsibility and not the guy's responsibility too. She is the wife.
It is only necessary for the guy to help out but not compulsory.

Does she deserve it? Now that it is her own duty too, to do those things as a wife?

My take is, she does not deserve it at all.


What do you think.

A meat you will not eat, don't share it with your teeth

What you can accept in courtship, accept it in marriage

MMotimo:
Chores kwa? Women have suffered!

Has she finished the chores in her father's house that she will now become househelp in her boyfriend's house? God forbid bad thing!

well if she sleeps over there is nothing bad in helping the guy with chores.
It's called assisting each other... She could lay the bed if that's considered a chore.

WILLuKPquiet:
Hi guys and Ladies,

Is it right for a lady during courtship to come on a visit without helping the guy in any house work?.
Cooking, Laundry, Washing the dishes, Sweeping etc. She just comes plays, sleeps and leave. Just like dat.

If they eventually marry one another, is it worth it to help such a lady to do same chores as your wife?


My own take is this,
During courtship, the house chores are the guy's responsibility. To take care of his own house remains his job. Therefore, it is not compulsory for the lady to help out, because she ain't marry the guy yet and the guy has not paid her dowry.
But a lady from a good home should know it is necessary for her to help her fiancé out in the house chores. Though, it is necessary but not compulsory.


Now, if the guy in question eventually marries the girl and after marriage, she wants him to join her in the house chores to prove his love and care to her.
Now, it is her responsibility and not the guy's responsibility too. She is the wife.
It is only necessary for the guy to help out but not compulsory.

Does she deserve it? Now that it is her own duty too, to do those things as a wife?

My take is, she does not deserve it at all.


What do you think.

if you think deep it a bit confusing

why

In growing up we are taught to look for signs that makes a girl a good wife right ! so those things are cooking, cleaning etc

On the other side girls are taught to do those things to impress a guy

So the equation is, is she doing it just to impress to be seen a wife material girl or not

The truth you can only find out once you are married

Some of the things we do during courting is to make one see you as marriage material and once you are married some of the things get dropped

As man we also do the same, during dating you would be buying gifts every month or so, some man even takeover the responbility of the girls father i.e paying skol fees paying rent etc. All this is to be seen as the good husband material

Dont set up your partner to see if they will do the dishes wash and cook. Its a natural thing women do when they visit their boyfriends and also it makes them know you and also women mark her territory in her man's house by arranging things her way

If they get moved she asks was anyone here becoz they know how they set up things the last time

As guy should also keep your house clean nothing is very attractive to a woman who knows that her man can clean the house, it means your are capable of cleaning your own home meaning there is big chance of the man being good helper in house chores

Helping your woman can help in other aspects of life eg she is never tired to deny sex becoz she is not overwhelmed by house chores, kids or work

@op like wat u said, it necessary buh nt compulsory. So 4 me i"ll do d ones i can do nd leave d remain ones 4 him

ZIMDRILL:


if you think deep it a bit confusing

why

In growing up we are taught to look for signs that makes a girl a good wife right ! so those things are cooking, cleaning etc

On the other side girls are taught to do those things to impress a guy

So the equation is, is she doing it just to impress to be seen a wife material girl or not

The truth you can only find out once you are married

Some of the things we do during courting is to make one see you as marriage material and once you are married some of the things get dropped

As man we also do the same, during dating you would be buying gifts every month or so, some man even takeover the responbility of the girls father i.e paying skol fees paying rent etc. All this is to be seen as the good husband material

Dont set up your partner to see if they will do the dishes wash and cook. Its a natural thing women do when they visit their boyfriends and also it makes them know you and also women mark her territory in her man's house by arranging things her way

If they get moved she asks was anyone here becoz they know how they set up things the last time

As guy should also keep your house clean nothing is very attractive to a woman who knows that her man can clean the house, it means your are capable of cleaning your own home meaning there is big chance of the man being good helper in house chores

Helping your woman can help in other aspects of life eg she is never tired to deny sex becoz she is overwhelmed by house chores, kids or work

You made vital points bro.

merieam16:
@op like wat u said, it necessary buh nt compulsory. So 4 me i"ll do d ones i can do nd leave d remain ones 4 him

Yeah my sister. You will do the ones you can and leave the rest. That's better than not doing anything at all because you don't want to look cheap.

Like a man is supposed to know it is his duty to take care of his fiancé during courtship, a lady too should know that though not compulsory, she is supposed to help out with chores when ever she comes visiting.

frozen70:


A meat you will not eat, don't share it with your teeth

What you can accept in courtship, accept it in marriage

I beg to disagree.

WILLuKPquiet:


I beg to disagree.

Put down your points