Bola146:
Where there is genuine love and trust, a woman would be submissive to her husband, they do not own anything than the children

Do not be deceived. May your genuine love never be tested.

Even with your money and full breadwinner status them no respect you, na when u now hand over the breadwinner baton to her you want to get respect?

Just pray not to have financial challenges. That’s when you will know what a woman can do despite being genuinely in love with you. BTW, love is overrated.. signing out...

Ariza:
The truth is always jabs to you Nl guys. But seriously do most Nigerian men know how to create geninue bond?

Most use money as a way to show love, unfortunately women make money too now that's why they find it easy to dismiss Men. Just look at it with an open mind. I'm not insulting anyone neither am I chauvinistic. My personality isn't that easy to classify that's why I either laugh or just ignore guys reactions towards me. I insult/correct women too but they have never called me names like you guys do. Why?

Why? Cos they think you’re posturing.

Why can’t wives take care of their husbands without taking him through hell? A husband can marry a jobless wife and take care of her for years but a wife cannot abide a husband that loses his job and remains unemployed for 6 months. She will wake him up with nagging and say goodnight to him with insults.

Then one day, they’d have a small fight and their next door neighbour would hear how she has been feeding the jobless man.

AfroKnight:


Why? Cos they think you’re posturing.

Why can’t wives take care of their husbands without taking him through hell? A husband can marry a jobless wife and take care of her for years but a wife cannot abide a husband that loses his job and remains unemployed for 6 months. She will wake him up with nagging and say goodnight to him with insults.

Then one day, they’d have a small fight and their next door neighbour would hear how she has been feeding the jobless man.

Lol @ posturing... I remember a guy called me a "beg friend" to the females the other time I supported them. Lol people trying so hard to put me in a box like I care . Na them go tire.


You are not totally correct with that, I know of a woman who supported her husband for ten years because it took him that long to secure a job. This woman fed and cater for all expenses of her, her husband, her children, her own siblings and the husbands siblings who came to live with them. Thing is no one knew all that happened until the husband got a job, and started misbehaving. Spending money on Alcohol and ladies while he left the woman to continue footing family bills. Frustrated the woman exploded and let out the cat.

You see, that attitude you say women display when the earn higher is mostly out of frustrations. Most Men are egoistic in nature, in situations where roles are changed, it is expected of any sane being to at least be of good help to other partner. But Men in such situation will rather want the woman to continue her roles as a wife and also provide for the family. It isn't that easy for anyone. A woman will go out to work , then she still have to come back to cook, take care of kids, clean the house and still perform in bed. It isn't that easy.

In situations where both are earning but the wife earns more, believe me it is only when there is no real love will a woman disregard her husband. A woman in love is very submissive with her money too. But in a scenario where the husband has always inflict the woman and luckily tables turn, she earns higher and decide to pay the man back in his own coin, you will hardly hear the stories behind these narratives men pass to another. There are always two sides to a coin.
But if you insist on the narrative that Women don't respect Men when they earn higher. Then you should know that money is power, power is intoxicating and it knows no gender. Just like Some Men will disregard their women's opinions and rights because they pay the bills or bride price.

Asuito7:
see eh how many times have I told you to marry me
Or you just want to waste your wisdom without me in the picture

I love your comment jare

Lol.

Thanks.

Alexaonfleek:
Trust me honey ,with a wifey like me he'll get his $hit together quickly.

Well,in the long run,marriage na for better for worse.
I go support am na,what to do?
That's why I said his character too will be a major factor.

oh'kay sweetie

saasala:


I have been on here for about a decade and I am yet to meet any member. I have always wanted to catch a babe on Nairaland.

Please, will you be my first catch?

No thanks.
Let's just keep it on NL

Alexaonfleek:

No thanks.
Let's just keep it on NL

Aiit.

Thats fine.

As much respect as the man can command. Indomie generation may not understand this. But those days when the rich and the poor both attended public schools. Thoes rich kids use to to have one or two poor kids in their clique that they could not do without.
Money is not the only resource you can contribute in a relationship.
Some people may never be kings (rich) in their life time, but everybody knows they are king makers (they have contributed greatly in making some people rich)

Zero Respect. Make no mistake about it.

You are welcome sir. Please have a seat!

ofiko123:
I came to read comments..

poweredcom:
Well @womenareapes you gat to seee this

No naija woman of this generation will give you total respect the moment she start earning than you

This is because many of them have not seen Wealth and when they see it more than their husband they become something else

It's only luck that man will have if he has a woman who is loyal

sorry to say, that luck is 0.001% for a woman who is loyal in Nigeria.

this is reciprocal

@bolded:. Did you just say you would kick the man out of 'your house'? Hmm! Men don suffer! This is indeed an endtime.

Who did this to men that they have to live in the house owned by their wife and risk being thrown out at any slightest provocation while it suppose to be the other way round?

Jsaviour:


You earn less than a woman and still get mind to cheat? When your whole time should be spent on building yourself to upgrade your income?

I don't even know what some Nigerian men want Sha.

Anyway, na to just kick the man comot for my house asap.

You can't be double useless at the same time.

The moment you dishonour your wife or marriage by cheating, you lose all respect due to you.

The worst are those who are been fed by their wives and still cheat or beat the woman.

They no born you well walai!!

Respect is reciprocal. The amount of respect you accord me is what I will give back.

Gone are the days women endure trash just to be called virtuous or submissive.

If you as a man throw your authority to the dogs through irresponsibility, the woman will help you match it to pieces.

AfroKnight:


Why? Cos they think you’re posturing.

Why can’t wives take care of their husbands without taking him through hell? A husband can marry a jobless wife and take care of her for years but a wife cannot abide a husband that loses his job and remains unemployed for 6 months. She will wake him up with nagging and say goodnight to him with insults.

Then one day, they’d have a small fight and their next door neighbour would hear how she has been feeding the jobless man.

This is because when the man was providing, the woman wasn't idle. She was managing the home.

Now tables turned, the man wants her to do the job of providing and also managing the home.

Soon he will become a complete burden to her.

Double useless status is not a good thing.

If you fall short in one, argument it from the other end.

Stress can make a good woman turn agressive

Some Nigerian men like trouble. They want to eat their cake and still have it.

I hope you now know why a woman will complain after feeding a man for 6months.

Ariza:
Lol @ posturing... I remember a guy called me a "beg friend" to the females the other time I supported them. Lol people trying so hard to put me in a box like I care . Na them go tire.


You are not totally correct with that, I know of a woman who supported her husband for ten years because it took him that long to secure a job. This woman fed and cater for all expenses of her, her husband, her children, her own siblings and the husbands siblings who came to live with them. Thing is no one knew all that happened until the husband got a job, and started misbehaving. Spending money on Alcohol and ladies while he left the woman to continue footing family bills. Frustrated the woman exploded and let out the cat.

You see, that attitude you say women display when the earn higher is mostly out of frustrations. Most Men are egoistic in nature, in situations where roles are changed, it is expected of any sane being to at least be of good help to other partner. But Men in such situation will rather want the woman to continue her roles as a wife and also provide for the family. It isn't that easy for anyone. A woman will go out to work , then she still have to come back to cook, take care of kids, clean the house and still perform in bed. It isn't that easy.

In situations where both are earning but the wife earns more, believe me it is only when there is no real love will a woman disregard her husband. A woman in love is very submissive with her money too. But in a scenario where the husband has always inflict the woman and luckily tables turn, she earns higher and decide to pay the man back in his own coin, you will hardly hear the stories behind these narratives men pass to another. There are always two sides to a coin.
But if you insist on the narrative that Women don't respect Men when they earn higher. Then you should know that money is power, power is intoxicating and it knows no gender. Just like Some Men will disregard their women's opinions and rights because they pay the bills or bride price.

Please tell them. The only sincere comment I have seen from a man.

This doesn't mean that some women are not unecessarily disrespectful to their husband because they earn more.

Power intoxicates and it knows no gender

BlackFlamefromP:
@bolded:. Did you just say you would kick the man out of 'your house'? Hmm! Men don suffer! This is indeed an endtime.

Who did this to men that they have to live in the house owned by their wife and risk being thrown out at any slightest provocation while it suppose to be the other way round?

Did I hear you say "while it should be the other way round" so you mean only men have the right to throw an irresponsible cheating partner out?


The truth is that nobody has the right to throw anybody out except in the case of gross misconduct (cheating, domestic violence etc)

Besides this response wasn't for the main post but for the comment that says " a woman ought to give maximum respect to the husband even when the man is cheating and she is the breadwinner.

I said and I repeat, " I won't bat an eyelid to throw the man out like the trash he is" (any man that is been fed by a woman and still go on to cheat is a trash that should be discarded)

The same way a man is asked to send his wife back to her father's house of she is caught cheating.

So men should better hustle so that they can cheat in peace without risking being homeless (since that was only what you saw in my comment)

That treatment is meant for only irresponsible men not the good men.

Hope you get it now ?

In life, you receive exactly what you sow.

A man of peace will reap peace but an irresponsible man will reap double shame.

TheRedpillguy:

A man with high self esteem that is humble. How dose that work?

Humility and high self-esteem are mutually exclusive. Infact, humility is a sign of a high self-esteem.

Often times, we mistake humility for timidity or fearfulness.

High self-esteem is a healthy subjective evaluation of one's worth. How do you see yourself? It is also not to be confused wit delusion or self-deceit.
Some markers are:
1. Firmly believe in certain values and principles, and are ready to defend them even when finding opposition, feeling secure enough to modify them in light of experience.
2. Are able to act according to what they think to be the best choice, trusting their own judgment, and not feeling guilty when others do not like their choice.
3. Do not lose time worrying excessively about what happened in the past, nor about what could happen in the future. They learn from the past and plan for the future, but live in the present intensely.
4. Fully trust in their capacity to solve problems, not hesitating after failures and difficulties. They ask others for help when they need it.
5. Consider themselves equal in dignity to others, rather than inferior or superior, while accepting differences in certain talents, personal prestige or financial standing.
6. Understand how they are an interesting and valuable person for others, at least for those with whom they have a friendship.
7. Resist manipulation, collaborate with others only if it seems appropriate and convenient.
8. Admit and accept different internal feelings and drives, either positive or negative, revealing those drives to others only when they choose.
9. Are able to enjoy a great variety of activities.
10. Are sensitive to feelings and needs of others; respect generally accepted social rules, and claim no right or desire to prosper at others' expense.
11. Can work toward finding solutions and voice discontent without belittling themselves or others when challenges arise.
Culled from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-esteem

Humility can be seen as the absence of pride and arrogance; putting others before yourself; taking care of others; not drawing attention to yourself.

** I learnt something responding to you; Wikipedia had to treat humility in a religious context because it is mainstream defined as low self-esteem which is wrong (at least in the religious sense )

Look at this for examples of humility. Some concepts are easier to explain than define. https://examples.yourdictionary.com/examples-of-humility.html

Read this oga respect before inferiority complex kill u.
NEVER BE IN COMPETITION WITH YOUR WIFE!

From an anonymous brother....

My sister my story is long oh... but let me try and cut it short. I am sharing this story because many men have the problem I had in my marriage.

The problem I had in my marriage is that I married a woman who was more ambitious and hardworking than me. It was hard for me because I was raised to see a man as the one who must be more successful than a woman. I was raised to believe that the man must be making more money than the woman. So my ego could not handle it at first.

We live abroad and my wife is a very intelligent go getter type of woman. She is more intelligent and more hardworking than me and it was hard for me to accept this. I brought the woman abroad, she studied nursing, before you know it she has upgraded to a Nurse practitioner and was making way more money than me. She was more financially successful than me.

In the beginning of our marriage it was very hard for me to cope with her highly driven nature. I wanted her to show down and wait for me. As a man it is not easy to see your wife work harder than you and no matter how you try, the woman no dey tire she will be doing 5 things at the same time and is brilliant at all of them. Whatever she touches turns to gold.

It became a major problem for me to keep up with her. I started competing with my wife, and that introduced major rivalry between us. It was the worst mistake I ever made. In trying to compete with her, I was putting obstacles in her way of success so that I can catch up with her, this introduced a lot of discord in our marriage.

First of all I refused to help out in the house chores, we don’t have any help, and we had 4 children. I will refuse to cook even though I knew how to cook so that my wife will spend time cooking and be slowed down in her progress. I wanted her to be tired so she won’t have the energy to be working so hard in her career. I wanted her to defer exams and stay home with the kids for a while so I can earn more than her.

So I just frustrated her with house work and looking after the kids. I told her it was a woman’s job to do that. I tried to stay away from the house as much as possible so I won’t even be there to help, she did as much as she could but before long, we were quarrelling a lot. I will even eat and leave the plate for her to wash. If she talks I will tell her I brought her abroad and she should never forget that.

We will argue so much. She will cry and beg me to support her and stay home if I am not working so I can help out with the kids but I will refuse. Then she will get angry and we will exchange words, I will always accuse her of disrespecting me because she is succeeding. I told her her success has entered her head. There is nothing I didn’t do to slow this woman down. To the point of denying her sex and cheating on her to get back at her for her success.

Yet this woman made friends easily and those friends helped her with minding the kids, and then she was able to apply for a visa for her mum to come. I was hoping the visa will be refused but it was granted so her mum came. With her mum coming, staying for a few months, going for a few weeks and coming again, she had more time and she progressed fast and got to the top of her career.

She was so intelligent that passing exams was so easy. Meanwhile for me, I struggled to pass my own exams. Her own is one touch she passed. I think I can say that I was jealous of my wife, I was jealous of her success. I wanted that success for myself and I was very foolish in doing that.

As she became more successful, I became a bigger enemy of that success. The conflict in our marriage got worse. Just to frustrate her I will complain about everything, I moved out of our room, just the sight of her made me feel less of a man. I had serious inferiority complex, it was bad. Knowing that she is a family oriented woman who wanted us to stay together and raise our kids, I will keep threatening divorce to scare her and it used to scare her a lot.

She kept crying and begging me, each time I act my drama, she begs and begs and I will keep reminding her that I was the one who brought her abroad and that she is nothing without me. She will always express her gratitude to me and she really tried to be a good wife but nothing she did was enough for me. Her mother did her best to try and reconcile us but I wasn’t listening. All I wanted was for her to stop earning more money than me but I couldn’t say it so I don’t sound wicked.

Until one day, I don’t know what happened to my wife. But she came home and asked for separation and divorce on that fateful day. Her grounds were: severe emotional abuse and neglect; she said we hadn’t slept in the same bed or made love for over 2 years, so we were practically separated. I was so shocked. When the reality dawned on me that this woman was serious, and the implications to me, having to move out of the house I pay the mortgage for, having to pay child support and the damage to my children, I truly did not want the marriage to end. But the cracks in the marriage was huge. All caused by me. She said she can no longer cope with the stress in the marriage, it was affecting her mental health and she was making mistakes at work.

Before I knew it, she got a lawyer who was representing her. That was when I knew I had bitten more than I could chew. I have a good friend who knows everything about us and he had been warning me that I was going to lose a good woman but I refused to listen. I told my friend what was happening and he advised me to swallow my ego and start asking my wife for forgiveness. Omo this was what I did oh!!! She was surprised. She said she thought that was what I wanted, that I hated her so much. This woman cried so much from the pain and suffering I caused her for 12 good years. But she agreed to give us another chance.

She insisted that we must attend marriage counselling and continue sleeping apart until we worked through our issues. After several months of marriage counselling my eyes opened to the beast I was and to all the nonsense I believed in. I was so ashamed of myself for punishing a woman for being hardworking, intelligent and progressive.

We made so much progress. I have apologised to my wife nothing less than 100 times since then. I have cried and asked her for forgiveness and she has since forgiven me. We have started anew and so far it is working.

We have been married for 15 years now and #IamgladIstayed

I am particularly directing my advice at men. As more women are getting educated and rising to the top in their careers, prepare yourself to accept that one of these women might become your wife one day, prepare to accept her success, prepare your mind to see her success as yours, prepare your mind to be proud of her and celebrate her rather than work against her. We all have our destinies and for some men, their destiny is to marry a woman that will be more successful than them. It is important to see that success as yours too so that you will not lose a good woman God has blessed you with. Never make the mistake of being jealous of your own wife.

*I am so glad I didn’t lose my good woman*.














quote author=mdan post=90564980]It's widely known that love alone, is not enough to keep a family standing. There are other factors contributing to a healthy marriage of which respect, loyalty, money etc are involved.

Now, in a situation where a wife earns more than the husband, will there be respect?

And if there is, how long can a woman keep up before she starts acting weird?

For the ladies do you think it's an issue earning higher than your husband?[/quote]

To all the men with inferiority complex, read this:

NEVER BE IN COMPETITION WITH YOUR WIFE!

From an anonymous brother....

My sister my story is long oh... but let me try and cut it short. I am sharing this story because many men have the problem I had in my marriage.

The problem I had in my marriage is that I married a woman who was more ambitious and hardworking than me. It was hard for me because I was raised to see a man as the one who must be more successful than a woman. I was raised to believe that the man must be making more money than the woman. So my ego could not handle it at first.

We live abroad and my wife is a very intelligent go getter type of woman. She is more intelligent and more hardworking than me and it was hard for me to accept this. I brought the woman abroad, she studied nursing, before you know it she has upgraded to a Nurse practitioner and was making way more money than me. She was more financially successful than me.

In the beginning of our marriage it was very hard for me to cope with her highly driven nature. I wanted her to show down and wait for me. As a man it is not easy to see your wife work harder than you and no matter how you try, the woman no dey tire she will be doing 5 things at the same time and is brilliant at all of them. Whatever she touches turns to gold.

It became a major problem for me to keep up with her. I started competing with my wife, and that introduced major rivalry between us. It was the worst mistake I ever made. In trying to compete with her, I was putting obstacles in her way of success so that I can catch up with her, this introduced a lot of discord in our marriage.

First of all I refused to help out in the house chores, we don’t have any help, and we had 4 children. I will refuse to cook even though I knew how to cook so that my wife will spend time cooking and be slowed down in her progress. I wanted her to be tired so she won’t have the energy to be working so hard in her career. I wanted her to defer exams and stay home with the kids for a while so I can earn more than her.

So I just frustrated her with house work and looking after the kids. I told her it was a woman’s job to do that. I tried to stay away from the house as much as possible so I won’t even be there to help, she did as much as she could but before long, we were quarrelling a lot. I will even eat and leave the plate for her to wash. If she talks I will tell her I brought her abroad and she should never forget that.

We will argue so much. She will cry and beg me to support her and stay home if I am not working so I can help out with the kids but I will refuse. Then she will get angry and we will exchange words, I will always accuse her of disrespecting me because she is succeeding. I told her her success has entered her head. There is nothing I didn’t do to slow this woman down. To the point of denying her sex and cheating on her to get back at her for her success.

Yet this woman made friends easily and those friends helped her with minding the kids, and then she was able to apply for a visa for her mum to come. I was hoping the visa will be refused but it was granted so her mum came. With her mum coming, staying for a few months, going for a few weeks and coming again, she had more time and she progressed fast and got to the top of her career.

She was so intelligent that passing exams was so easy. Meanwhile for me, I struggled to pass my own exams. Her own is one touch she passed. I think I can say that I was jealous of my wife, I was jealous of her success. I wanted that success for myself and I was very foolish in doing that.

As she became more successful, I became a bigger enemy of that success. The conflict in our marriage got worse. Just to frustrate her I will complain about everything, I moved out of our room, just the sight of her made me feel less of a man. I had serious inferiority complex, it was bad. Knowing that she is a family oriented woman who wanted us to stay together and raise our kids, I will keep threatening divorce to scare her and it used to scare her a lot.

She kept crying and begging me, each time I act my drama, she begs and begs and I will keep reminding her that I was the one who brought her abroad and that she is nothing without me. She will always express her gratitude to me and she really tried to be a good wife but nothing she did was enough for me. Her mother did her best to try and reconcile us but I wasn’t listening. All I wanted was for her to stop earning more money than me but I couldn’t say it so I don’t sound wicked.

Until one day, I don’t know what happened to my wife. But she came home and asked for separation and divorce on that fateful day. Her grounds were: severe emotional abuse and neglect; she said we hadn’t slept in the same bed or made love for over 2 years, so we were practically separated. I was so shocked. When the reality dawned on me that this woman was serious, and the implications to me, having to move out of the house I pay the mortgage for, having to pay child support and the damage to my children, I truly did not want the marriage to end. But the cracks in the marriage was huge. All caused by me. She said she can no longer cope with the stress in the marriage, it was affecting her mental health and she was making mistakes at work.

Before I knew it, she got a lawyer who was representing her. That was when I knew I had bitten more than I could chew. I have a good friend who knows everything about us and he had been warning me that I was going to lose a good woman but I refused to listen. I told my friend what was happening and he advised me to swallow my ego and start asking my wife for forgiveness. Omo this was what I did oh!!! She was surprised. She said she thought that was what I wanted, that I hated her so much. This woman cried so much from the pain and suffering I caused her for 12 good years. But she agreed to give us another chance.

She insisted that we must attend marriage counselling and continue sleeping apart until we worked through our issues. After several months of marriage counselling my eyes opened to the beast I was and to all the nonsense I believed in. I was so ashamed of myself for punishing a woman for being hardworking, intelligent and progressive.

We made so much progress. I have apologised to my wife nothing less than 100 times since then. I have cried and asked her for forgiveness and she has since forgiven me. We have started anew and so far it is working.

We have been married for 15 years now and #IamgladIstayed

I am particularly directing my advice at men. As more women are getting educated and rising to the top in their careers, prepare yourself to accept that one of these women might become your wife one day, prepare to accept her success, prepare your mind to see her success as yours, prepare your mind to be proud of her and celebrate her rather than work against her. We all have our destinies and for some men, their destiny is to marry a woman that will be more successful than them. It is important to see that success as yours too so that you will not lose a good woman God has blessed you with. Never make the mistake of being jealous of your own wife.

*I am so glad I didn’t lose my good woman*.

Its only a foolish woman that will insult her husband just because she earns more than him.

larj:
Normally i overlook most topic, but let me comment for the sake of someone.
What women need is enveloped in two things :
1) Resources
2) Attention.
The resources as we all know , mostly money and security
The attention on the other hand is not just the attention, but what comes off it , like love and romance, sweet words, great sex, helping at home, respect, care and all.
The two are quite important, many men substitute one for the other, give her resources and some women can manage with little attention, but God epp you when she has little need of your resources or earns more and you can't provide the attention. That's where wahala starts to happen. She can't earn as much or more than you and you still won't give her attention even in little things as helping with the kids or chores at home. Most men's ego can't take it. Even if a woman wants to run wild at this time she can be reasoned with if the right attention is given and there's communication. It's a man's God given role to draw his wife to agreement with him through communication. But what do I know. They just give marriage certificate to any one without training. It is not love that determines a good marriage or any goal in life. Principles determine the outcome of anything. You actions has to be grounded from principles to get a desired outcome like a blissful home. It's not too late to change and align your actions to true principles. Okay bye

good point bro. I learnt a lot

Fuckingmallam45:
What are some sad truths about life?
The financial industry should prepare for a “carbon correction”.

There is one famous short story that is mentioned in Mahabharata.

Once upon a time, a pigeon flew to King Shibi.

It told him ‘That hawk is chasing me to kill me. Please help me, Lord.’

The king calmed it by saying that he will protect it from the danger.

As they were talking, the hawk flew to the spot. It tried to attack the pigeon.

The king stopped it and told the hawk, ‘Stop doing this. What you are trying to do is sinful. You are not supposed to harm the weak. Go back.’

The hawk listens patiently and then asks, ‘Aahan. I feed on pigeons. My nature is made to be like this. I can’t do anything about it? If I don’t kill this pigeon and take its meat, I and my babies will die of hunger. By helping this pigeon, you will be killing me and my baby-hawks. You want to do that, lord’

King Shibi was stunned for a moment on hearing the hawk’s words.

While that story ended on a positive note— The king protected both the hawk as well as the pigeon, by offering his flesh to the hawk— such good-for-all middle-paths are not possible in reality.

The order of nature is more rigid and unforgiving in reality.

Now, imagine these three situations.

A doctor prays that he should get a good income every month so that he can fulfil all his wife’s desires, send his children to a better school and lead a happy life. Indirectly it means that he should get more patients and many people in his colony should fall sick and suffer from pain.
There are five eligible students for one scholarship in a college. Finally, one student gets it and he is super happy. He goes home and celebrates. The remaining four students are depressed and sad.
A factory is making medicines and saving the lives of many people in one corner of the globe. But the sewage water and toxic gas it releases is harming the livelihood of the people in another corner of the globe.
We all live in an ecosystem. All of us are interdependent on each other.

Everyone cannot be happy and joyful at the same time. We have to exchange our joys with others’ pain and others’ joys with our pain to keep the balance in the universe.

Life sometimes makes someone sad so that you can be happy.

And the same life sometimes makes you sad so that someone else can be happy.

This is one of the sad facts about life.

nice point bro. Good facts

bukatyne:


Humility and high self-esteem are mutually exclusive. Infact, humility is a sign of a high self-esteem.

Often times, we mistake humility for timidity or fearfulness.

High self-esteem is a healthy subjective evaluation of one's worth. How do you see yourself? It is also not to be confused wit delusion or self-deceit.
Some markers are:
1. Firmly believe in certain values and principles, and are ready to defend them even when finding opposition, feeling secure enough to modify them in light of experience.
2. Are able to act according to what they think to be the best choice, trusting their own judgment, and not feeling guilty when others do not like their choice.
3. Do not lose time worrying excessively about what happened in the past, nor about what could happen in the future. They learn from the past and plan for the future, but live in the present intensely.
4. Fully trust in their capacity to solve problems, not hesitating after failures and difficulties. They ask others for help when they need it.
5. Consider themselves equal in dignity to others, rather than inferior or superior, while accepting differences in certain talents, personal prestige or financial standing.
6. Understand how they are an interesting and valuable person for others, at least for those with whom they have a friendship.
7. Resist manipulation, collaborate with others only if it seems appropriate and convenient.
8. Admit and accept different internal feelings and drives, either positive or negative, revealing those drives to others only when they choose.
9. Are able to enjoy a great variety of activities.
10. Are sensitive to feelings and needs of others; respect generally accepted social rules, and claim no right or desire to prosper at others' expense.
11. Can work toward finding solutions and voice discontent without belittling themselves or others when challenges arise.
Culled from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-esteem

Humility can be seen as the absence of pride and arrogance; putting others before yourself; taking care of others; not drawing attention to yourself.

** I learnt something responding to you; Wikipedia had to treat humility in a religious context because it is mainstream defined as low self-esteem which is wrong (at least in the religious sense )

Look at this for examples of humility. Some concepts are easier to explain than define. https://examples.yourdictionary.com/examples-of-humility.html

I get what you are saying but if you cross the line, be sure that I will check you. am not humble like that.

TheRedpillguy:

I get what you are saying but if you cross the line, be sure that I will check you. am not humble like that.

Point 11 of healthy self-esteem already speaks to that.

You weren't getting my point. Men ought to be the once who work hard enough and who should be responsible enough to own a house and bring in a woman they want to spend their life with rather than a man going to live with a woman in her own house! That is the point I was trying to make.

Jsaviour:


Did I hear you say "while it should be the other way round" so you mean only men have the right to throw an irresponsible cheating partner out?


The truth is that nobody has the right to throw anybody out except in the case of gross misconduct (cheating, domestic violence etc)

Besides this response wasn't for the main post but for the comment that says " a woman ought to give maximum respect to the husband even when the man is cheating and she is the breadwinner.

I said and I repeat, " I won't bat an eyelid to throw the man out like the trash he is" (any man that is been fed by a woman and still go on to cheat is a trash that should be discarded)

The same way a man is asked to send his wife back to her father's house of she is caught cheating.

So men should better hustle so that they can cheat in peace without risking being homeless (since that was only what you saw in my comment)

That treatment is meant for only irresponsible men not the good men.

Hope you get it now ?

In life, you receive exactly what you sow.

A man of peace will reap peace but an irresponsible man will reap double shame.

freedomchild:
nice point bro. Good facts

Thank you boss

BlackFlamefromP:
You weren't getting my point. Men ought to be the once who work hard enough and who should be responsible enough to own a house and bring in a woman they want to spend their life with rather than a man going to live with a woman in her own house! That is the point I was trying to make.

Okay, now I get it.

ylaa:
To all the men with inferiority complex, read this:

NEVER BE IN COMPETITION WITH YOUR WIFE!

From an anonymous brother....

My sister my story is long oh... but let me try and cut it short. I am sharing this story because many men have the problem I had in my marriage.

The problem I had in my marriage is that I married a woman who was more ambitious and hardworking than me. It was hard for me because I was raised to see a man as the one who must be more successful than a woman. I was raised to believe that the man must be making more money than the woman. So my ego could not handle it at first.

We live abroad and my wife is a very intelligent go getter type of woman. She is more intelligent and more hardworking than me and it was hard for me to accept this. I brought the woman abroad, she studied nursing, before you know it she has upgraded to a Nurse practitioner and was making way more money than me. She was more financially successful than me.

In the beginning of our marriage it was very hard for me to cope with her highly driven nature. I wanted her to show down and wait for me. As a man it is not easy to see your wife work harder than you and no matter how you try, the woman no dey tire she will be doing 5 things at the same time and is brilliant at all of them. Whatever she touches turns to gold.

It became a major problem for me to keep up with her. I started competing with my wife, and that introduced major rivalry between us. It was the worst mistake I ever made. In trying to compete with her, I was putting obstacles in her way of success so that I can catch up with her, this introduced a lot of discord in our marriage.

First of all I refused to help out in the house chores, we don’t have any help, and we had 4 children. I will refuse to cook even though I knew how to cook so that my wife will spend time cooking and be slowed down in her progress. I wanted her to be tired so she won’t have the energy to be working so hard in her career. I wanted her to defer exams and stay home with the kids for a while so I can earn more than her.

So I just frustrated her with house work and looking after the kids. I told her it was a woman’s job to do that. I tried to stay away from the house as much as possible so I won’t even be there to help, she did as much as she could but before long, we were quarrelling a lot. I will even eat and leave the plate for her to wash. If she talks I will tell her I brought her abroad and she should never forget that.

We will argue so much. She will cry and beg me to support her and stay home if I am not working so I can help out with the kids but I will refuse. Then she will get angry and we will exchange words, I will always accuse her of disrespecting me because she is succeeding. I told her her success has entered her head. There is nothing I didn’t do to slow this woman down. To the point of denying her sex and cheating on her to get back at her for her success.

Yet this woman made friends easily and those friends helped her with minding the kids, and then she was able to apply for a visa for her mum to come. I was hoping the visa will be refused but it was granted so her mum came. With her mum coming, staying for a few months, going for a few weeks and coming again, she had more time and she progressed fast and got to the top of her career.

She was so intelligent that passing exams was so easy. Meanwhile for me, I struggled to pass my own exams. Her own is one touch she passed. I think I can say that I was jealous of my wife, I was jealous of her success. I wanted that success for myself and I was very foolish in doing that.

As she became more successful, I became a bigger enemy of that success. The conflict in our marriage got worse. Just to frustrate her I will complain about everything, I moved out of our room, just the sight of her made me feel less of a man. I had serious inferiority complex, it was bad. Knowing that she is a family oriented woman who wanted us to stay together and raise our kids, I will keep threatening divorce to scare her and it used to scare her a lot.

She kept crying and begging me, each time I act my drama, she begs and begs and I will keep reminding her that I was the one who brought her abroad and that she is nothing without me. She will always express her gratitude to me and she really tried to be a good wife but nothing she did was enough for me. Her mother did her best to try and reconcile us but I wasn’t listening. All I wanted was for her to stop earning more money than me but I couldn’t say it so I don’t sound wicked.

Until one day, I don’t know what happened to my wife. But she came home and asked for separation and divorce on that fateful day. Her grounds were: severe emotional abuse and neglect; she said we hadn’t slept in the same bed or made love for over 2 years, so we were practically separated. I was so shocked. When the reality dawned on me that this woman was serious, and the implications to me, having to move out of the house I pay the mortgage for, having to pay child support and the damage to my children, I truly did not want the marriage to end. But the cracks in the marriage was huge. All caused by me. She said she can no longer cope with the stress in the marriage, it was affecting her mental health and she was making mistakes at work.

Before I knew it, she got a lawyer who was representing her. That was when I knew I had bitten more than I could chew. I have a good friend who knows everything about us and he had been warning me that I was going to lose a good woman but I refused to listen. I told my friend what was happening and he advised me to swallow my ego and start asking my wife for forgiveness. Omo this was what I did oh!!! She was surprised. She said she thought that was what I wanted, that I hated her so much. This woman cried so much from the pain and suffering I caused her for 12 good years. But she agreed to give us another chance.

She insisted that we must attend marriage counselling and continue sleeping apart until we worked through our issues. After several months of marriage counselling my eyes opened to the beast I was and to all the nonsense I believed in. I was so ashamed of myself for punishing a woman for being hardworking, intelligent and progressive.

We made so much progress. I have apologised to my wife nothing less than 100 times since then. I have cried and asked her for forgiveness and she has since forgiven me. We have started anew and so far it is working.

We have been married for 15 years now and #IamgladIstayed

I am particularly directing my advice at men. As more women are getting educated and rising to the top in their careers, prepare yourself to accept that one of these women might become your wife one day, prepare to accept her success, prepare your mind to see her success as yours, prepare your mind to be proud of her and celebrate her rather than work against her. We all have our destinies and for some men, their destiny is to marry a woman that will be more successful than them. It is important to see that success as yours too so that you will not lose a good woman God has blessed you with. Never make the mistake of being jealous of your own wife.

*I am so glad I didn’t lose my good woman*.

Its only a foolish woman that will insult her husband just because she earns more than him.

The point here is the dude was a dick head
The only reason he stayed in the relationship was if he leave he was going to end up in one room
If he had the money , I am 75% sure he would have moved on
like I have said in the past Yes women are getting good education
The possibilities are there for women to make more money
Some of this women are not willing to contribute to the house hold
Pray for good wife or husband
One size doesn't fit all