I am active member here, reason for the pseudo account.

Long post alert :

I was/have been in a relationship with him for years, initially it was all rosy till he began to switch on/off at intervals.We hardly request for anything from each other because we both work and contented with the little we earn. Each time I sense that he wants to be left alone, I quietly give him his space. I have tried times without number to make him open up to me but it will all seem like a waste which makes me to retreat all the time. Mind you, he knows that i love him and practically can do anything or forgive him anytime he messes up.

Our last fight before this was that he called me during working hours and wanted to know if I was chanced to meet him then i asked him if all was well with him, he became angry and dropped the call. I tried reaching out to him for months but he intentionally avoided me, after 3 to 4 months of my efforts, I decided to let him be to concentrate on myself and others, he started stalking me on all online platforms. We later settled though.

To the main issue for this post, I have a colleague at work, we discuss practically everything and anything. My other colleagues knows that we are both best friends and nothing else, we also make fun of ourselves on 'stories'. But the issue is that my boyfriend thinks something is beyond that our friendship and that i have things i am hiding from him. To be honest, my best friend has confided a lot to me that i promised him that it would stay between us. Mind you, we have never sex chatted nor call ourselves romantic names of any sorts.

So recently, after making up with my fiance, he wanted to meet up with me after so many months, I obliged, only for him to request for my phone, I gave him voluntarily, as he was going through it, he wanted to open the chat I had with my best friend but I forcefully collected the phone from him. I tried talking him out that there's nothing going on between me and my colleague but he assumed and concluded that something is going on between us . He said that my attitude shows that I value my best friend more than him but i tried proving him wrong because some many times, I needed his attention he wasn't there and my best friend is the only one who knows everything and vice versa.. He told me right through my eyes that it is over.

Besides, he had once forcefully collected his phone from me sometimes last year when i was updating his WhatsApp for him and I mistakenly stumbled upon a chat of him with a lady.. I never made a case about it with him

Honest Truth : I have never involved myself in any sexual act with my best friend or any man apart from my fiance.. I value both my friendship and relationship but my fiance is making me to choose

Please i need your genuine opinion
Help a sister

Was i wrong
What advice would you give to me


Please i don't wish for it to make Frontpage because either of them would see and know who's behind the post because they are both members but not active�


Modified : the content of the chat I had with my colleague was about my fiance and there were so many provoking words in it, reason i did what i did because I never intended hurting him

What are you doing with a male best friend when you already have a boyfriend
Please pick one

If all this you said here is actually true
Then you are dating a stalker and an obsessive guy..It is difficult to talk you out of it I just think you guys should have a free time and talk this over lunch or anytime you feel it is convenient for you both.

it is quite late already.....if you valued your man more than your so called best friend then you would have let him look through the phone (assuming you have nothing to hide). men have gone past the point of foolishly believing women without proof. you need to play your part. you need to end the so affair you are having with the best friend because men and women cannot be friends, create distance in the friendship and focus on your relationship. learn what a woman needs to do to keep a man, be high quality

Come to think of it sister.
Why were you preventing him from going through the chat? Sometimes you just gat sacrifice some kind things for peace sake,i no he was trying to intrude to your privacy but then you would have let him so as to clear his doubt.
Clean conscience fear no accusations.

henrybomb:
If all this you said here is actually true
Then you are dating a stalker and an obsessive guy..It is difficult to talk you out of it I just think you guys should have a free time and talk this over lunch or anytime you feel it is convenient for you both.

All the the fights we have had over the course of the relationship was nothing serious about... He can just wake up and decide to ignore me for like weeks or months and all those times, I will be the one begging for the attention.. I decided to stop those nonsenses this year and then he started stalking me, when we made up over the phone, he agreed on catching up only for him to come up with this too..

I relayed to my best friend, he said that I should sort things out with him even if it will cost our friendship because he knows I loved the dude genuinely..

My problem now is whether to make the 1st move

NobleSeed:
Come to think of it sister.
Why were you preventing him from going through the chat? Sometimes you just gat sacrifice some kind things for peace sake,i no he was trying to intrude to your privacy but then you would have let him so as to clear his doubt.
Clean conscience fear no accusations.

There’s a particular chat I had the previous night with him and believe me i can't deem fit to show someone else..

NB: It is not a sex chat

NobleSeed:
Come to think of it sister.
Why were you preventing him from going through the chat? Sometimes you just gat sacrifice some kind things for peace sake,i no he was trying to intrude to your privacy but then you would have let him so as to clear his doubt.
Clean conscience fear no accusations.

when people marry there is no privacy as long as trust has become an issue, if the man or woman wants to look through anything at that time when trust is low they should be able to audit each other without resistance....either way the boyfriend was smart to ignore what women say with their mouth and pay attention to what they say with their actions. her actions by snatching the phone spoke volumes

Tiredagain:




There’s a particular chat I had the previous night with him and believe me i can't deem fit to show someone else..

NB: It is not a sex chat

So tell us.
Is it business chat?

NobleSeed:

So tell us.
Is it business chat?

It wasn't a business chat either... It was a case of confidentiality and it came at the wrong time..

Now that's how a man should act or even more sef.
You women are bunch of crazy misplaced priorities.why on earth should u have a male best friend?
You said u forcefully dragged ur phone from ur boifriend because u and ur bestie had a chat about him-one thing men hate most is discussing whats going on in their relationship with another man;And you even expect ur boifriend to believe d guy is not smashing u.
If i were ur guy,I would DUMP u and Next time learn to love only one man.

Mandela27:
Now that's how a man should act.
You women are bunch of crazy uncultured beigns.why on earth should u have a male best friend?and you expect ur boifriend to believe d guy is not smashing u.
If i were the guy,i would DUMP u and Next time learn to love only one man.

Thank you

Tiredagain:



Thank you

Yeah yeah,you're welcome

ibkonekt:
it is quite late already.....if you valued your man more than your so called best friend then you would have let him look through the phone (assuming you have nothing to hide). men have gone past the point of foolishly believing women without proof. you need to play your part. you need to end the so affair you are having with the best friend because men and women cannot be friends, create distance in the friendship and focus on your relationship. learn what a woman needs to do to keep a man, be high quality

gbam

A girl or a guy in a relationship should not keep opposite sex as friends not to talk of a best friend.
There's no way it won't cause you problems in the long run.
You may not be harbouring any thoughts of been romantic with him but you can't say the same of your male best friend...He may just be waiting for the right time to strike!..,some guys are masters in d art.
Nothing you do now will ever change your mans mind that you have nothing to hide.
You should've let him see the chats if truly you have nothing to hide.

just that you said you love him I would've advised you ignore him too until he borrows himself brain. men and hypocrisy no one is talking about all those months he ignored you and which law says a Lady in relationship can't have male friends but the guys can have as many as they want shm.

Mandela27:
Now that's how a man should act.
You women are bunch of crazy uncultured beigns.why on earth should u have a male best friend?and you expect ur boifriend to believe d guy is not smashing u.
If i were the guy,i would DUMP u and Next time learn to love only one man.

You valid. The OP share some similar attributes with my ex girlfriend. Male bestie ko, Man bestie ni

I'm not saying ur guy's attitude is good but what kind of girl keeps a guy as her best friend, what happened to having girls as ur bestfriend....My friend no body will believe u r not fucking each other

Tiredagain:





All the the fights we have had over the course of the relationship was nothing serious about... He can just wake up and decide to ignore me for like weeks or months and all those times, I will be the one begging for the attention.. I decided to stop those nonsenses this year and then he started stalking me, when we made up over the phone, he agreed on catching up only for him to come up with this too..

I relayed to my best friend, he said that I should sort things out with him even if it will cost our friendship because he knows I loved the dude genuinely..

My problem now is whether to make the 1st move

the sound of the "best friend" is irritating me..Ogbeni, why dont u go n be dating ur so called best friend, confused witch

both of you are not ready for serious relationship jare....

you are not sacrificing somethings indore to establish peace in your relationship, you have placed your colleague and your boyfriend side by side in your heart. this is wrong your boyfriend is not been love exact way he deserve.

how would you feel if your boyfriend has female friend that they're very close to the extend that they chat till late hours every day visit each other

having a male close friend is wrong your boyfriend should be your close friend

1beat:
both of you are not ready for serious relationship jare....

you are not sacrificing somethings indore to establish peace in your relationship, you have placed your colleague and your boyfriend side by side in your heart. this is wrong your boyfriend is not been love exact way he deserve.

how would you feel if your boyfriend has female friend that they're very close to the extend that they chat till late hours every day visit each other

having a male close friend is wrong your boyfriend should be your close friend

If he had given me that opportunity, he knows that I would be open to him

Tiredagain:
I am active member here, reason for the pseudo account.

Long post alert :

Modified : the content of the chat I had with my colleague was about my fiance and there were so many provoking words in it, reason i did what i did because I never intended hurting him

The content of the chat might be the truth you havent told him or should tell him.

Your fiance doesn't have admirable characters in the relationship o, leaving you for months over baby issues.

Maybe you need to be entirely honest with him, but I don't know what is in the chat so I am careful to give my advise.

My opinion is that you like the idea of marrying that fiance so you don't always tell him the entire truth when he messing up but you can tell someone else, if you can't discuss all his fault with him, I don't think it's appropriate discussing with anyone else.

I don't want two friends talking about my faults because I have them esp if on one has said it to me the way they discussed it, I will feel betrayed.

If the chat is just blunt about his attitude alone show him and be very honest about how you feel, if it is more about that and involves his secrets, I don't advise showing him might be too painful.

Tiredagain:





All the the fights we have had over the course of the relationship was nothing serious about... He can just wake up and decide to ignore me for like weeks or months and all those times, I will be the one begging for the attention.. I decided to stop those nonsenses this year and then he started stalking me, when we made up over the phone, he agreed on catching up only for him to come up with this too..

I relayed to my best friend, he said that I should sort things out with him even if it will cost our friendship because he knows I loved the dude genuinely..

My problem now is whether to make the 1st move

You are in a bad relationship that will bring you sadness and depression. Sorry to be blunt. The signs are there already but you have chosen to ignore and let feelings blind you.

Whatever you do with his guy. Don’t ever marry and live in the same house with him. He will cause you so much sadness.

Is dat one a boyfrd??

kurupt1:
What are you doing with a male best friend when you already have a boyfriend
Please pick one

Having a male bestie ,- Deep down in your heart, you know it's wrong but you expect your bf to "understand". Anyways, I understand his insecurities, this is 2020 and crazy things are happening. It takes a spouse who has crazy trust in the other to let such slide. The kinda trust I pray for but even with that, why build up unhealthy sentiments when you can avoid them?

I doubt if d dude really luvs u.How can someone who claimed to be in luv ignored u for months.Haba

Tiredagain:





All the the fights we have had over the course of the relationship was nothing serious about... He can just wake up and decide to ignore me for like weeks or months and all those times, I will be the one begging for the attention.. I decided to stop those nonsenses this year and then he started stalking me, when we made up over the phone, he agreed on catching up only for him to come up with this too..

I relayed to my best friend, he said that I should sort things out with him even if it will cost our friendship because he knows I loved the dude genuinely..

My problem now is whether to make the 1st move

Wrong

Mandela27:
Now that's how a man should act.
You women are bunch of crazy uncultured beigns.why on earth should u have a male best friend?and you expect ur boifriend to believe d guy is not smashing u.
If i were the guy,i would DUMP u and Next time learn to love only one man.

Tiredagain:




There’s a particular chat I had the previous night with him and believe me i can't deem fit to show someone else..

NB: It is not a sex chat

There is no such thing as a male best friend because they end up fucking each other .It is a no-brainer .

I'd be angry personally if it were me , if I discover that my babe is discussing me with a supposed male friend .

Stop doing bestie with the opposite sex. Do bestie with the same sex. If you're in a relationship, your boyfriend should be your best friend. The same thing applies to guys too. Your boyfriend is at fault too, how can you ignore someone you love for MONTHS

some guys can be so uncultured eh? you don't want or your attitude spot that, then leave her rather they will be stalking on you. you see basically I understand your plight, terrible it is to have some one whose there for you when you feel lonely, I bet you have should the bad side of your sponsor to him and when a girl does that she has start losing faith in him and start thinking other wise . you vividly know the chat will create alot of havoc because of the rate you sold him. well my kindly advise is to go ahead and skip, I can't questions why you go a male friend because assuming boo was there, have ya time you won't develop the strong relationships with ya friend. but one thing never date that your best friend never date him or else. . . you grab

My dear leave him alone. He's got insecurity issues

Tiredagain:
I am active member here, reason for the pseudo account.

Long post alert :

I was/have been in a relationship with him for years, initially it was all rosy till he began to switch on/off at intervals.We hardly request for anything from each other because we both work and contented with the little we earn. Each time I sense that he wants to be left alone, I quietly give him his space. I have tried times without number to make him open up to me but it will all seem like a waste which makes me to retreat all the time. Mind you, he knows that i love him and practically can do anything or forgive him anytime he messes up.

Our last fight before this was that he called me during working hours and wanted to know if I was chanced to meet him then i asked him if all was well with him, he became angry and dropped the call. I tried reaching out to him for months but he intentionally avoided me, after 3 to 4 months of my efforts, I decided to let him be to concentrate on myself and others, he started stalking me on all online platforms. We later settled though.

To the main issue for this post, I have a colleague at work, we discuss practically everything and anything. My other colleagues knows that we are both best friends and nothing else, we also make fun of ourselves on 'stories'. But the issue is that my boyfriend thinks something is beyond that our friendship and that i have things i am hiding from him. To be honest, my best friend has confided a lot to me that i promised him that it would stay between us. Mind you, we have never sex chatted nor call ourselves romantic names of any sorts.

So recently, after making up with my fiance, he wanted to meet up with me after so many months, I obliged, only for him to request for my phone, I gave him voluntarily, as he was going through it, he wanted to open the chat I had with my best friend but I forcefully collected the phone from him. I tried talking him out that there's nothing going on between me and my colleague but he assumed and concluded that something is going on between us . He said that my attitude shows that I value my best friend more than him but i tried proving him wrong because some many times, I needed his attention he wasn't there and my best friend is the only one who knows everything and vice versa.. He told me right through my eyes that it is over.

Besides, he had once forcefully collected his phone from me sometimes last year when i was updating his WhatsApp for him and I mistakenly stumbled upon a chat of him with a lady.. I never made a case about it with him

Honest Truth : I have never involved myself in any sexual act with my best friend or any man apart from my fiance.. I value both my friendship and relationship but my fiance is making me to choose

Please i need your genuine opinion
Help a sister

Was i wrong
What advice would you give to me


Please i don't wish for it to make Frontpage because either of them would see and know who's behind the post because they are both members but not active�


Modified : the content of the chat I had with my colleague was about my fiance and there were so many provoking words in it, reason i did what i did because I never intended hurting him

Your best friend is your boyfriend. Any other boy is in the friend zone department.