Amanee:
She needs a more demanding career

Some women like a lot of kids though.

Career or not.

@deemayjee:

You agreed to 4 in principle and she wants to cash that cheque.

Unfortunately, you don't have funds in the account

Do a forecast (factoring inflation, earning projection, current standard of living, family financial goals, family emotional/social goals etc) of what you require to have a third child and discuss with her.

If it is something you can achieve with a little stretching, go for it as the last card.

Goodluck baby making in this weather for two.

bukatyne:




Some women like a lot of kids though.

Career or not.

I doubt one with a demanding career will be looking forward to bearing more children, taking maternity leaves and being cut out from the work force for an extended period.

Amanee:


I doubt one with a demanding career will be looking forward to bearing more children, taking maternity leaves and being cut out from the work force for an extended period.

Never say never

I know some women who have had more in the midst of demanding careers/ jobs.

ImaIma1:


How many men agree to do a vasectomy? Do you know anyone that has had one?

My former colleague had one, he said it openly when he was about to go for it. He doesn’t live in naija tho, maybe that was what changed his psyche.

Romangalactic:

You're right to an extent,but I wonder y none of you have suggested vasectomy

I have been waiting for this comment. Why cant the OP do family planning?

Oga, if she still insists on having more children, please go and do family planning. Dont let her know sha.

There are different types of family planning for men, you may start using medications that make sperm watery etc. Discuss with a Doctor.

Titto:


My former colleague had one, he said it openly when he was about to go for it. He doesn’t live in naija tho, maybe that was what changed his psyche.

Here in Naija, it's hard to find someone who has done one. How many wives can even broach the subject in their homes?

bukatyne:


Never say never

I know some women who have had more in the midst of demanding careers/ jobs.

Some jobs help people do family planning. At least I know a bank that requires that you can't go for another maternity leave until after 18months or you resign.

Go for vasectomy.

You can never regret having a child no matter the hardships or stress they cost you.. But you may regret not having that one more child. If you have the means go for it. If not do family planning, however Children re gifts from God.

From the Op's story, I'll have to be upfront and clear with my Wifey to be, I just want one, at most two shikena!!!

Op you ain't selfish

He should have been upfront with her earlier on, as opposed to misleading her.

0neal:
From the Op's story, I'll have to be upfront and clear with my Wifey to be, I just want one, at most two shikena!!!

Op you ain't selfish

.

having one or two kids is good considering the situation of the country but I always consider this ; what if one of the kids dies or both, starting over won't b possible. No one prays for such but when it happens it's not gonna be easy

Close your legs!

Ooh really, will u be there when the expenses arrives. Oo don’t listen to this advice, in this modern time and age, that’s ideal. I also want just 2 kids.

addictiv:
You can never regret having a child no matter the hardships or stress they cost you.. But you may regret not having that one more child. If you have the means go for it. If not do family planning, however Children re gifts from God.

The solution is simple. Stop giving her money for upkeep for some months and when school resumes let her pay school fees and other expenses in your house.That was how a grandmother was telling her daughter in law she need more children from her.The mother in-law had 7children and they are educated.This grandmother has forgotten the pressure family members and the children had to go through to survive and be educated.the daughter has three already but she is not satisfied.

The statement of the Op "I could be open to three or four" is the loophole his wife wants to leverage on, still he provided a clause with this line "but that we’d have to live according to our means"

So, he did not mislead her, he wasnt just plain-blank rigid on the number of kids they'd have, which shows he is considerate of his partner's wish.

NerdyRudeGyal:
He should have been upfront with her earlier on, as opposed to misleading her.

ImaIma1:


Some jobs help people do family planning. At least I know a bank that requires that you can't go for another maternity leave until after 18months or you resign.

OP should work his wife into the bank so he gets additional 18 months.

Cest fini

bukatyne:


OP should work his wife into the bank so he gets additional 18 months.

Cest fini

deemayjee:
My wife and I have been happily married for about six and a half years now. Going all the way back to when we were dating, we talked about how many kids we would want. My wife grew up in a polygamous family, and she always wanted at least three, probably four or five, or even more. She’s got a very nurturing personality, so having many kids fits with her personality very well.

I on the other hand? I had a small family. It was just me and my two younger brothers. I’m also an introvert. I’ve always wanted kids, but probably a pretty hard “two” has always been my desire. I kinda told her back then when we were dating that I could be open to having three, or even four, but that we’d have to live according to our means. That was a fine answer back then. But it’s becoming a lot more real now, almost ten years down the line. We had our daughter about a year after we married, and our son came bundling into the world two years later.

Recently, she has been talking about us having another baby, but I'm very skeptical. I'm satisfied with the two we have - a girl and a boy as I implied earlier - and with the economy, cost of living, education, and today's world we live in generally, I don't think I want another. I want to be able to give my children everything they need in terms of equal time and energy. I look at the time and energy required just to have two kids and still maintain a good marriage… and trying to find some balance being a father with being a husband, with being a professional, and trying to pull back on myself and my career and elsewhere. There are a lot of serious balls that I’m already juggling. The last one I want to drop is a kid.

She, in the other hand, feels it's time for us to have another baby. Her argument is she's getting a little bit, well, not older, but she hoped she’d be done having kids by the time she hit her mid-30’s. She’s 35 now, and our son is now 5 years old, so time is of the essence, she says.

Knowing my wife, if I relent, it will only be a matter of a few years before we start this discussion of yet another baby again. I know she wants a strong home full of laughter and happiness. I know what I need to do in order to give her that and also maintain a level of balance myself, but is having more kids the right answer? I'm contented with the two I already have. The two tykes are a real handful as it is right now; adding a third, to me, seems rather far reaching.

If I relent and we end up having four, five, six kids, and it ends up affecting our lives in the process, am I really giving us what we want to be? Or am I being selfish right now?

You have a point but pls consider one last child

If you don't, she will manipulate you and by the time you know what is happening she is already 5 months gone

But before then, let her have a financial role at home, you can leave feeding for her and one other regular thing like electricity bills while you take care of the rest

When she sees what goes out of the pocket weekly or monthly, she will think twice

Most women who doesn't play a bigger financial role in the family doesn't know what it feels like bearing the burden

Bait and switch is not good.

You can't renegade on your "agreement" now.

Ask yourself and answer truthfully...if you had told her before marriage you'll have a max of two kids, would she have agreed to marry you?

You can win this one, but the lifelong resentment this will birth in her will carry over to other things.

I can see the plenty kids gang advocating for a battalion. It's sad that most Nigerians don't care about a better life for their kids. Send them to school, feed them semo and amala and buy them used clothes and they're good to go.

They don't think of acquiring useful skills. Music lessons, sports academy, book clubs etc to give them better chances in life. Summer holidays, summer camps etc are all things kids need to make them more educated and enlightened.

Gone are the days of birthing kids without thinking of giving them a very good life. More kids don't equal more joy, it's just more expense. Anyone having more than 3 in this day and age is a selfish person. Give your kids the best in this competitive world. The world is overpopulated already.

Ariza:
You are selfish o infact you sell turkey join. An agreement is An agreement, you agreed to four children while dating you changing your mind to two isn't about finance but the fact that you never had the desire to have more than two children. Your background and your perspective of children is what influence your decision not the finance.

If you are the one who loves a houseful of children, you would have given birth to lots of them even with your recent financial capacity. Give her her remaining baby Biko, I don't buy that idea that you can't take care of them. It's not true

Are you joking?

Gaggi:
I can see the plenty kids gang advocating for a battalion. It's sad that most Nigerians don't care about a better life for their kids. Send them to school, feed them semo and amala and buy them used clothes and they're good to go.

They don't think of acquiring useful skills. Music lessons, sports academy, book clubs etc to give them better chances in life. Summer holidays, summer camps etc are all things kids need to make them more educated and enlightened.

Gone are the days of birthing kids without thinking of giving them a very good life. More kids don't equal more joy, it's just more expense. Anyone having more than 3 in this day and age is a selfish person. Give your kids the best in this competitive world. The world is overpopulated already.

You better save your energy.,