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My Fiancée Has Stopped Picking My Calls, Please Advise Me On What To Do / Our Marriage Maybe Seriously Falling Apart: Please Advise Me! / How Can I Advise A Serial Cheat And Failure Of A Father? (2) (3) (4)

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.. by notoracism: 10:00pm On Jul 03, 2020
..

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: .. by obi4eze(m): 10:04pm On Jul 03, 2020
Some men are really babies. They're not fit to be husbands.

6 Likes

Re: .. by Themarkethere: 10:06pm On Jul 03, 2020
What do you mean by a fellow woman will say go and buy your own? Is it only the best when a fellow man say go and buy your own? Sorry your statement lies your problem, you don't even have regards for womanhood, that is why you have decided to continually be a doormat with joy to your husband. Since his manhood gives the best advice, add your money to his own na, let him build with your money again without your name and watch him marry tomorrow another woman that have respect for womanhood and values herself.

17 Likes

Re: .. by poshestmina(f): 10:09pm On Jul 03, 2020
You have kid(s) already ,why not buy the property in your child's name?

I'm all for unity , submission in marriage buuuuuut this doesn't sit well at all !

Buy properties with your children's name .

It's just common sense!

MODIFIED: Nne ,no vex.i just read the last lines .
Please keep supporting him ,keep contributing , infact solely build from the scratch and give him.
Re: .. by dawnomike(m): 10:11pm On Jul 03, 2020
You and your husband have serious talking to do in your marriage

2 Likes

Re: .. by notoracism: 10:14pm On Jul 03, 2020
00
Re: .. by dawnomike(m): 10:16pm On Jul 03, 2020
notoracism:


Talking?

He is always commanding and want me to follow him and keep quiet.
How and when did it get so bad?

1 Like

Re: .. by longetivity(m): 10:17pm On Jul 03, 2020
i wanted to advice but i no get sista
Re: .. by notoracism: 10:18pm On Jul 03, 2020
peace
Re: .. by merieam16(f): 10:22pm On Jul 03, 2020
Aunty, u dont need our advice...you've said u dont want go nd buy d land ,so wat do u want? The truth be told, dont start wat u cant finish. U started condoning alot of tinz frm him rite frm courtship which is affecting u nw so d point is, u either av a heart 2 heart talk with him nd make him see dat u also av ur own plans or keep mute nd do as he says.



I pray d Lord grant u wisdom

2 Likes

Re: .. by CsRockefeller(m): 10:22pm On Jul 03, 2020
Sometimes, we don't value what we have until we loose it.

I pray it doesn't become too late for your husband to recognise your importance in his life.

I am an advocate of go and settle where you are loved, but of one isn't loved in their marriage where else can they go to?

In the words of Withney
"where do broken hearts go, can they find their way home"

I guess that's why after all said and done she exclaimed looking up to d heavens and said:

" I look to you"

6 Likes

Re: .. by dawnomike(m): 10:25pm On Jul 03, 2020
notoracism:


It has always been bad, he is not good with words, only good at saying sorry.

It is well... I pray he turns a new leaf as that attitude will not help him
Re: .. by varmint: 10:26pm On Jul 03, 2020
Lol
You seem to have forgotten where you are coming from. Humans will be humans, I pray things don't take a nasty turn, but should you find yourself in a position where you don't earn enough anymore, you'd receive the mockery you've always received.
Invest your money wisely, buy shares, invest in businesses. Since his money couldn't be put in a joint account when he was earning significantly more, why should your money be in a joint property now.
But again, people will be people, you will still give him your money and he will still mock you later.

15 Likes

Re: .. by scify364(m): 10:26pm On Jul 03, 2020
First Pray for the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Seek good counsel from matured experienced people and also use a lawyer in case you sense any foul play in any property you wish to get.
Re: .. by Nobody: 10:27pm On Jul 03, 2020
notoracism:
Am a regular nairaland member. A young woman, married.

Am bordered about something serious and I need to take this decision so soon.

Before now my Husband earn 6x more than me, he wasn't so nice with words during that time. I don't demand from him and before we started having kids I buy food stuff at home without collecting a dime, nothing like monthly stipend from him (in my mind, he is my head so I must do as he say). But I began thinking seriously when he'd insult and mock me with my salary, so I started thinking of how to improve and have some skills to enable me earn more. It became serious when I told him to let's have a joint account and I can't type what I heard from him that day, true, I must be a joker to ask who earn that amount to lets jointly own an account.

To cut it short, God helped me and I now earn more than him.

Now, the issue is - he bought a land when I wasn't earning so much, I know well he won't write my name in the document and I never mind seriously, though every move by me is regarded as 'is it becasue I did not include your name in the land document?'. He built the first house with just about 600k of my savings as my own little way of assisting him (I still wanted to assist him, in my own little way and I don't want him to tag me as a zero helper, and yes, my name is not in the document.

He started building the second house when I still earn little, now I earn more and I have given him over 4M for the building. I have some savings on me now and I have an opportunity from a friend to buy his property, he just want to give away because he is away. I have enough to buy this property. My hubby knows about it all (I don't hide things from him) however, he wants me to give him this savings to finish the building and forget property I have in mind.

If I fail to give him this money, he will make the house hell for me. Secondly, I don't want to loose the saving I have if the property my friend wants me to buy isn't genuine, he'd laugh at me.

Am so lost, I don't really have anyone to seek advise from, I need help, I need godly advises to take a good decision, I started working before I got married and I must say my salary then to some isn't small money but to him it's food money, I haven't done anything on my own, no personal investment, I give him all my savings or I use it to buy gadgets and and food at home. (he doesnt buy things at home, I do all the buying, name it - chair, freezer, generator, fans, ac, center table, nameeeeee everything, all he'd say is I bought the land and built it, we got married with nothing in his house, I started buying and thought he'd change, all I hear is am keeping my money for land, then to building) I have been cheated I know.

All married men, I need your advise, don't be bias, I know a fellow woman like me will say go buy your own, but no, I want the best advise to help me now and future.

Sister, get a good lawyer to verify the land/property documents. Once verified, convince your husband then go ahead and buy the property.

Invest today because you do not know what tomorrow holds.

1 Like

Re: .. by Mstick: 10:34pm On Jul 03, 2020
Madam the writing is on the wall, you know that you're not firmly rooted in your marriage going by your write up.

Don't buy that property that your husband know about, move that money to an entirely different account. DON'T give him anymore money for that building tell him you invested it in stock then watch his reaction.

4 Likes

Re: .. by DonOms(m): 10:37pm On Jul 03, 2020
It's a little unfortunate that your husband is not very understanding and quite self-absorbed. Ordinarily, if he were very reasonable and treats you respectfully, you would not even have need to want to buy that property in the first place.

Personally, I'd say you do due diligence on that new peoperty to ensure it is genuine. Then convince your husband that since the property is coming at a giveaway price, it would be good to purchase it, with the intention of developing it later and renting it out for additional income. You should keep supporting him with the second house he is building though, so it doesn't appear you've stopped being supportive.

You seem concerned about how he might treat you should you go ahead with your plan, so kinda make it a plan for both of you. If he sees it as something he agreed to, he won't have reasons to make the house hell for you.

Goodluck!

1 Like

Re: .. by UndauntedYOCA(f): 10:39pm On Jul 03, 2020
Sis, if I were to be in your shoes, I'd simply work on myself, own assets, build houses, build an empire, expand everything that has to do with me. Your success, joy and happiness must always come first sis. You've helped him enough and now it's time to focus on yourself. That man already treats you like garbage and it might worsen if eventually he milks you dry and have nothing else. I sense he is a zeta man and a manipulator. Grow sis, you have kids, what if one day he decides to throw you out and maybe along with your kids, what will become of you? I strongly believe that a man is deserving of me if only he treats me with utmost love and respect as much as I do him! Don't even think of what people will say, you have yourself and and kids to grow for! Not an unworthy, and thrash talking man! By the way, if truly your husband treats you in the manner you've stated here then I strongly believe that you should learn to keep your mouth shut! LEVEL UP IN SECRECY SIS! There's a lot of good attached to moving in silence. I was once with this dude who earned a living but never gave me a dime! Not that I have a sense of entitlement but I believe when you claim you love or like someone then you should actually show it in actions, words, in kind etc. Well, I wasn't even earning much because I wasn't really working at that time but guess what, I would surprise him with things, airtime, cash from time to time (oh my goodness I wonder what wA sarong with me) dude would often tell me how broke he was blah blah blah and because of my type of person, I would help out but he NEVER DID NOTHING FOR ME!!! HE RATHER COMPLAINED HOW I WAS CHOKING HIM WITH ATTENTION (MOGBE). I would even discuss all of my plans with him, I literally told him EVERYTHING and he would use them to his advantage, well I no longer talk to him and I'm at peace, I'm not asking you to leave your husband but please be wise, a man who doesn't see you as his other half, his bestie, his sis, his wife, his friend, his mum, his everything is undeserving of you, you can show him love and pray for him but keep your income to yourself, keep your projects to yourself. Don't tell him everything and if you must tell him some things, I'll advise you not tell him the full details. Keep your level up processes to yourself. If you have 5 naira then tell him you have 5 kobo etc but do not disrespect him, don't make him feel less than hr truly is and if he ever gets violent, remember that your life is important.
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4 Likes

Re: .. by Ningen(m): 10:39pm On Jul 03, 2020
Madam you have to be selfish.

Secure your future FIRST.
Either you get a property or keep your savings!

Do not make the mistake of trusting blindly.

This doesn't only apply to your husband but to your friend as well. Investigate the legitimacy of the property thoroughly before buying it or don't.

If you must give your husband then offer to give him a quarter or half. But don't give everything.

5 Likes

Re: .. by MrBrownJay1(m): 10:43pm On Jul 03, 2020
the main problem is that you went ahead and stayed quiet when that men treated you poorly, and after years you now expect this man to change... no cant do! you guys are married and therefore your name should have been on the land document, and if it wasnt, then anything you buy with your own money (or contribute to) from this day forth, should have your own name on it. NO QUESTION ABOUT IT!

all these "MY money is MY money, YOUR money is OUR money" union!
Re: .. by MummyIMadeIt: 10:44pm On Jul 03, 2020
Mstick:


Don't buy that property that your husband know about, move that money to an entirely different account. DON'T give him anymore money for that building tell him you invested it in stock then watch his reaction.

Please do consider the above.

In addition to it, I want u to know that you were elevated for a reason, use it wisely.

PS: what if something bad happens tommorow what do you and your kids fall back on, knowing fully well who your hubby is.
Re: .. by frozen70(f): 10:49pm On Jul 03, 2020
notoracism:
Am a regular nairaland member. A young woman, married.

Am bordered about something serious and I need to take this decision so soon.

Before now my Husband earn 6x more than me, he wasn't so nice with words during that time. I don't demand from him and before we started having kids I buy food stuff at home without collecting a dime, nothing like monthly stipend from him (in my mind, he is my head so I must do as he say). But I began thinking seriously when he'd insult and mock me with my salary, so I started thinking of how to improve and have some skills to enable me earn more. It became serious when I told him to let's have a joint account and I can't type what I heard from him that day, true, I must be a joker to ask who earn that amount to lets jointly own an account.

To cut it short, God helped me and I now earn more than him.

Now, the issue is - he bought a land when I wasn't earning so much, I know well he won't write my name in the document and I never mind seriously, though every move by me is regarded as 'is it becasue I did not include your name in the land document?'. He built the first house with just about 600k of my savings as my own little way of assisting him (I still wanted to assist him, in my own little way and I don't want him to tag me as a zero helper, and yes, my name is not in the document.

He started building the second house when I still earn little, now I earn more and I have given him over 4M for the building. I have some savings on me now and I have an opportunity from a friend to buy his property, he just want to give away because he is away. I have enough to buy this property. My hubby knows about it all (I don't hide things from him) however, he wants me to give him this savings to finish the building and forget property I have in mind.

If I fail to give him this money, he will make the house hell for me. Secondly, I don't want to loose the saving I have if the property my friend wants me to buy isn't genuine, he'd laugh at me.

Am so lost, I don't really have anyone to seek advise from, I need help, I need godly advises to take a good decision, I started working before I got married and I must say my salary then to some isn't small money but to him it's food money, I haven't done anything on my own, no personal investment, I give him all my savings or I use it to buy gadgets and and food at home. (he doesnt buy things at home, I do all the buying, name it - chair, freezer, generator, fans, ac, center table, nameeeeee everything, all he'd say is I bought the land and built it, we got married with nothing in his house, I started buying and thought he'd change, all I hear is am keeping my money for land, then to building) I have been cheated I know.

All married men, I need your advise, don't be bias, I know a fellow woman like me will say go buy your own, but no, I want the best advise to help me now and future.

First of all weldone on your courage to run the home

My advice is this

There is nothing wrong if you choose to buy a land on your name and build it to your taste

Your hubby has pride and peace with pride always think of themselves

But if you don't have the courage to put your name alone, you can add your name and all your children names as the owners

If you allow him to trick you and out his name, well let me not say more

Women are struggling to get propertise too and you will not be the last in that line

But if you want to buy the said land or house of your friend, pls be very careful, most people that we trusted most dealt with us

You can involve your own trusted lawyer and he will verify the documents if they are genuine

Alternatively, get a land and build for commercial purpose so that on the long run, you will have something to train your children

Forget about his harassment and intimidating attitude, he will give up if he discovers that you can make it

2 Likes

Re: .. by HomerTimpson: 11:10pm On Jul 03, 2020
CsRockefeller:
Sometimes, we don't value what we have until we loose it.

I pray it doesn't become too late for your husband to recognise your importance in his life.

I am an advocate of go and settle where you are loved, but of one isn't loved in their marriage where else can they go to?

In the words of Withney
"where do broken hearts go, can they find their way home"

I guess that's why after all said and done she exclaimed looking up to d heavens and said:

" I look to you"

Re: .. by timseye: 11:10pm On Jul 03, 2020
As a married man, I think you have done more than what a wife should do to support her husband.

Just as someone said, you need to be selfish a times not because you don't love or respect your partner but because you have to save your head from future pains.

Should anything happen to your husband tomorrow ( God forbid) when the properties don't carry your name, you may have problem with his family as regards the properties.

If I were you I will go ahead and buy the property in my children name and continue to support my hubby.

Of course he won't be happy with your decision but you should learn to say sorry to him too and avoid any confrontation, after all you have achieved your goal.

I envy your hubby!

2 Likes

Re: .. by frozen70(f): 11:18pm On Jul 03, 2020
obi4eze:
Some men are really babies. They're not fit to be husbands.

It's just stupid pride, nothing else
Re: .. by HomerTimpson: 11:21pm On Jul 03, 2020
CsRockefeller:
Sometimes, we don't value what we have until we loose it.

I pray it doesn't become too late for your husband to recognise your importance in his life.

I am an advocate of go and settle where you are loved, but of one isn't loved in their marriage where else can they go to?

In the words of Withney
"where do broken hearts go, can they find their way home"

I guess that's why after all said and done she exclaimed looking up to d heavens and said:

" I look to you"

. Dude! THAT SONG WASN'T WRITTEN LIKE THE NORMS,IT WAS A LIFE LIVED AND CARVED IN A SONG...
Re: .. by CsRockefeller(m): 11:22pm On Jul 03, 2020
HomerTimpson:
. Dude! THAT SONG WASN'T WRITTEN LIKE THE NORMS,IT WAS A LIFE LIVED AND CARVED IN A SONG...

Which one?
Re: .. by frozen70(f): 11:27pm On Jul 03, 2020
poshestmina:
You have kid(s) already ,why not buy the property in your child's name?

I'm all for unity , submission in marriage buuuuuut this doesn't sit well at all !

Buy properties with your children's name .

It's just common sense!

MODIFIED: Nne ,no vex.i just read the last lines .
Please keep supporting him ,keep contributing , infact solely build from the scratch and give him.


Nne okana amu marriage until omeya na anya fiammm
Re: .. by frozen70(f): 11:30pm On Jul 03, 2020
dawnomike:
You and your husband have serious talking to do in your marriage


You think such a man have time for jamb class ?

3 Likes

Re: .. by frozen70(f): 11:31pm On Jul 03, 2020
notoracism:


Talking?

He is always commanding and want me to follow him and keep quiet.

As the puppet that you are

You better make use of your brain

If you as matured as you are can stand child birth pain, what other pains are you affraid off

1 Like

Re: .. by frozen70(f): 11:32pm On Jul 03, 2020
dawnomike:
How and when did it get so bad?

Definitely from day one

But its time to clip his wings or deflate him

2 Likes

Re: .. by frozen70(f): 11:34pm On Jul 03, 2020
notoracism:


It has always been bad, he is not good with words, only good at saying sorry.


People like that are serial offenders

The words coming out from their mouth can make you lose your sanity

2 Likes

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