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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury (44140 Views)
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Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by Haywhymido(m): 5:55pm On Jul 09, 2020 |
LadySarah:You said it all. |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by Lorenzop: 6:08pm On Jul 09, 2020 |
missjo: Your parents did a good job on you. Stay on that part. God bless you 3 Likes |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by bukatyne(f): 6:12pm On Jul 09, 2020 |
miniziter: The wife's major issue is lack of sex: (she just seems sad the family is not contributing, it sounds like she can handle it). She should get a nurse to help with caring for the man and also work towards therapy. I expect the husband out of thoughfulness to have discussed his wife's sexual needs as he can't fulfill them and suggest resolutions. He can't deny he has not noticed her sexual frustrations or the times she tossed and turned on the bed out of unmet needs. If he can move his hands, they can work with that while she invests in good dildos. A sex therapist would also come in handy at this point. This is the definition of bilisi. Ki Olorun ko ya yo ninu bilisi. 2 Likes |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by UyaiIncomparabl(f): 6:38pm On Jul 09, 2020 |
Acidosis: How is she useless? Would you have stayed for so long if you were in her stead? 7 Likes |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by Nobody: 6:42pm On Jul 09, 2020 |
cococandy:There is such but in Nigeria, can it be available to the poor? Anytime I see somebody in power bike, my mind will go to that guy. I decided not to comment on the topic cos I wouldn't know what to do if I find myself in her position. The lady I told you must have stayed cos of money , she may have stayed cos of love, but one thiby is clear. That lady is one of the most beautiful Nigerian lady I have ever seen and she can easily remarry if she chose to. Her background wasn't bad too. But she choose to stay. So many factors. Hubby called to congratulate them on the birth of their baby and from what he said, guy was on therapy on how to use his thing when it came back to life. Wife was the one doing everything. Gosh, they suffered and I applaud that lady. So many instances it will come to life and collapse again. He said she wasn't deterred, didn't know what was pushing her and even if she leave, his family will hire a professional to take care of him. The question now is will that guy do the same for the wife if the table was turned. It should be around 11yrs now. I asked hubby if he wil do that for me and he didnt answer ![]() Men! 7 Likes |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by Nobody: 6:48pm On Jul 09, 2020 |
bukatyne:Trust me, her major need isn't sex. Not at all. Her major problem is money. Owo. Money can solve more than 50% of her problems and there may be hope for their sexual need also. 4 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by eyinjuege: 7:08pm On Jul 09, 2020 |
Carchoice: His wife fecking cleans up all his mess according to the OP (I'm assuming he can't control his bowels or bladder and he is incontinent). Give her some fecking respect. That is going to be her reality for life, and if his family is non supportive, it will be harder. She will get overwhelmed and will flee. You cannot compare looking after a disabled person who needs probable full time care to growing children. Children will grow and start looking after their own physical needs 9 Likes |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by eyinjuege: 7:26pm On Jul 09, 2020 |
Acidosis: How do you want to keep working when you have a seriously disabled adult who needs almost 24/7care? Working and earning is the easiest thing here, but affording a full time carer is another thing. Don't forget many Nigerians are still working hard, yet barely even able to meet their family's daily needs If the wife in this case was earning a very good income, she can afford to get a carer and pay for it, but I'm almost certain in this case a carer will probably ask for more than all she even earns. Imagine coming home after a hard day hustling to get money, only to meet the whole house in stench and your partner soaked in faeces and urine just waiting for you to come clean her up, and feed her, and change her clothes, bedding etc. Imagine the cost of adult incontinence pad everyday. This is this woman's reality and some of you are trivialising it. I suspect they are a low income couple with nothing to fall back on, and facing such a great challenge at such a young age. If there was some money or inheritance, it would be easy to get needed resources/support to look after this man with special needs. Just pray never to face such 9 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by eyinjuege: 7:31pm On Jul 09, 2020 |
Acidosis: Not everyone has a high earning power, otherwise majority of Nigerians won't be living below the poverty line 5 Likes |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by Liposure: 7:33pm On Jul 09, 2020 |
sassysure:i like your honesty right there. Not too many girls can summon courage to say such to their BFs. Girls n fake luv |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by Nobody: 8:08pm On Jul 09, 2020 |
Acidosis:I thought you were sensible before. Really, how is the woman useless, wasn't she the one taking care of him since he was sick ? How is she useless ? If it was a man would you say he was useless ? Mtchew! Low-key misogynist. 19 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by Takotsubo: 8:52pm On Jul 09, 2020 |
Everything depends on how the man behaved pre accident.Post accident remorse does not count. A man who was a terrible spouse will most likely get it back in spades .It's here you hear stories of people left in their pee and poop for hours ,maybe not even changed or bathed for days. There are some men that are worth staying for,the one that treats you well and has been a rock for you, you would bend back wards and do anything for him. Still, if a good woman leaves at some point because she cannot manage,it doesn't make her a bad person in my opinion. Everyone has their elastic limit. There's a thread on NL where a man could not cope with his wife's illness,I'm sure other things were at play but they divorced and she eventually died. A lot of people were understanding of his choices,it's interesting that people are spitting fire here,lol. There is something called carer fatigue,where the carer spouse cannot just go on,tending to another person's needs - cleaning,feeding,working (where possible),the psychological demand will wear even the nicest person out,worse if they have children..It takes a very strong couple with a strong bond to pull through and even if they do,their own version of what is acceptable may leave another person dumbfounded. In a sane society,there is support in place for this sort of situation eg respite where the government pays for someone to come in to help a few times a week, then psychological help because the carer and spouse will be prone to mental health problems. In Naija terms,someone should be employed to help and Cctv around the whole house to monitor for cases of abuse. There are situations where sexual function will never come back,a couple may be able to come to an arrangement,they usually do but will not say. Some even use IVF for pregnancy and keep it to themselves. No one ever knows what goes on behind closed doors. I know someone who's husband has Multiple Sclerosis.She has a boyfriend that lives with them,their kids and he also helps care for the man.Call it what you want but they are all happy or at least appear to be happy. Sex as we know involves a lot of intimacy,I can tell you firsthand that fingers and dil do won't give you that . So,it is not realistic in the long term especially if the woman doesn't leave and the D isn't working . They will agree to something at some point.This is the cold hard fact of life. I find that a lot of people who have life changing experiences like this will be more tolerant and permissive than the average person.They will acknowledge that their partner has needs ,highest they'll act like they don't know what's going on by the side. As a woman though,the chances that your husband will stay if it were you in this condition is slim.If he stays,he will have girlfriends and may/may not be discreet.Whatever decision he takes,he will be supported by the same people crying murder here and the society at large. Even common research has shown that divorce is more likely to happen if it is the woman that is unwell vs when it is the man ie women are more likely to stay,men are most likely to bail. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.fatherly.com/health-science/why-sick-wives-increase-divorce-risk-not-sick-husbands/amp/ If you cannot cope,instead of turning to resentment, hatred and abuse,please LEAVE. 16 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by Acidosis(m): 10:17pm On Jul 09, 2020 |
cococandy: Can we just learn to address issues without playing the gender card? It's already getting boring. I didn't come here to deal with a woman. I came here to address a sexually starved individual who's considering cheating/separation. Unlike you, I don't shy away from stating facts and opinions based on what I would do. What I wouldn't do, I won't say here. More importantly, I don't try too hard to please a gender. If she's grown enough to decide for herself like you said, she wouldn't take her matter to a third party. To say you would do this or that, but not bold enough to recommend what you would do, just because you believe every woman should be sexually independent doesn't make sense. A prostitute should preach prostitution. A moralist/religious person should preach chastity. Stop acting like you belong to everybody when in the real sense, you don't live that kind of life. Stop preaching what you wouldn't do. If your lifestyle is giving you good result, you should be bold enough to recommend your lifestyle. It shouldn't matter whether your circle of followers agree with you or not. 5 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by Acidosis(m): 10:19pm On Jul 09, 2020 |
UyaiIncomparabl: Yes, I would stay even longer. I would do anything for my family. |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by Acidosis(m): 10:24pm On Jul 09, 2020 |
eyinjuege: I don't pray to face such but the issue here bothers more on sex. Why should sex even be an issue barely 2 years after? |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by Acidosis(m): 10:29pm On Jul 09, 2020 |
eyinjuege: I would be very concerned if the OP came forward to solicit for money or job. Whoever is considering sex at such a critical time surely has a lot of money and time. 1 Like |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by Acidosis(m): 10:30pm On Jul 09, 2020 |
chivera018: You've never thought I was sensible. You're still the old and disgusting hater whose reasoning remains far below threshold. If it was a man, what I would do is tell you to shut your useless mouth and wait for my opinion. |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by UyaiIncomparabl(f): 10:32pm On Jul 09, 2020 |
Acidosis: Unfortunately, we wouldn't be there to confirm this if ever it happens. On the other hand, it's easier said than done. After all, the woman in the OP must have said the same thing when she exchanged vows with her husband on their wedding day. 5 Likes |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by Acidosis(m): 10:35pm On Jul 09, 2020 |
UyaiIncomparabl: Same reason I called her useless. If you wouldn't do a thing, then don't say it. 1 Like |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by cococandy(f): 10:36pm On Jul 09, 2020 |
Acidosis:That one pinches because it’s the truth. We always find you moralists when we are talking about women and sex. ![]() Unlike you, I don't shy away from stating facts and opinions based on what I would do. What I wouldn't do, I won't say here. More importantly, I don't try too hard to please a gender. If she's grown enough to decide for herself like you said, she wouldn't take her matter to a third party.You do try very well to police one though . We see you ![]() To say you would do this or that, but not bold enough to recommend what you would do, just because you believe every woman should be sexually independent doesn't make sense.It’s not about being bold or not. It’s actually because I know that no recommendation is appropriate for her except the one she chooses herself. @bold, as opposed to being what? sexually dependent? What even is that? ![]() A prostitute should preach prostitution. A moralist/religious person should preach chastity. Stop acting like you belong to everybody when in the real sense, you don't live that kind of life. [Stop preaching what you wouldn't do. If your lifestyle is giving you good result, you should be bold enough to recommend your lifestyle. It shouldn't matter whether your circle of followers agree with you or not. You don’t know what I would do. I don’t even know what I would do (besides not leave him) and that’s the whole point of my posts in case you haven’t understood it yet. I have a circle of followers too? ![]() Talk about off point. 10 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by cococandy(f): 10:40pm On Jul 09, 2020 |
Stop asking the young man scary questions ![]() sassysure: 6 Likes |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by UyaiIncomparabl(f): 10:40pm On Jul 09, 2020 |
Acidosis: It isn't enough reason to call her useless. Everyone has a tolerance level. She has reached hers, it doesn't mean she's a bad person. 8 Likes |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by Nobody: 10:43pm On Jul 09, 2020 |
Acidosis:If I was as old as you with your IQ, I'd be ashamed. Lol, imagine if my reasoning was far below threshold, I wonder how lower yours would be. Hater ? Lol, don't make yourself feel so important, you are of no value to me. 12 Likes |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by bukatyne(f): 10:43pm On Jul 09, 2020 |
Acidosis: This post reminds me of an article I read about two years ago addressed to American Christians. I opened a thread on it back then and was a turning point for me especially online. You cannot have one leg in and one leg out or sit on the fence for too long. https://www.nairaland.com/4158735/christians-america-arent-closed-minded-intolerant#up |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by bukatyne(f): 10:50pm On Jul 09, 2020 |
sassysure: Maybe she has the money na. Her options were staying married and having a concubine or divorcing him because she is 'young'. On a second thought, maybe with a lot of money, she would have considered more expensive/extensive therapy and care. The family's reluctance to help monetarily (which is the easier of the burden) is strange. God help the woman, it is a lot of burden. 4 Likes |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by Nobody: 10:51pm On Jul 09, 2020 |
3 Likes |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by Acidosis(m): 10:51pm On Jul 09, 2020 |
cococandy: May be you should leave the thread to those who know what they would do; those who have the mind to state what they would do. 1 Like |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by Acidosis(m): 10:53pm On Jul 09, 2020 |
UyaiIncomparabl: Well, she's bad in my own book. I would not imagine abandoning a family after 2 years of incapacitation. Doing so would make me a bad person. But I get your point. Even girlfriends that abandon their boyfriends 1 month after a job loss don't always feel bad. They have an excuse for any decision. 3 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by Nobody: 10:56pm On Jul 09, 2020 |
bukatyne: It is well |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by Acidosis(m): 11:00pm On Jul 09, 2020 |
chivera018: Lol |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by Acidosis(m): 11:04pm On Jul 09, 2020 |
bukatyne: I wonder how they sleep at night knowing very well they never have any reasonable or logical answer to an issue. They're neither here nor there. |
Re: Advise For A Woman Whose Husband Is Suffering From A Spinal Cord Injury by bukatyne(f): 11:04pm On Jul 09, 2020 |
sassysure: Amen. A friend once said that caring for longtime sick/injured spouses is the worst marital challenge to her. She had a cousin whose husband abandoned in the hospital after a terrible accident. |
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